


It Gets Worse!

by ScribbleWiggy



Series: The 'It Gets Worse!' Universe [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), F/F, F/M, Good Friend Ned Leeds, It's D&D with the boys!, Literally just transcripts of D&D sessions., M/M, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Spider-Man: Far From Home Compliant, Peter Parker Has a Family, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Spider-Man: Far From Home, Precious Peter Parker, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2019-07-12 09:51:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 159,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15992753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScribbleWiggy/pseuds/ScribbleWiggy
Summary: The boys play Dungeons and Dragons. Peter's the DM, Tony's a bard, and It Gets Worse!





	1. Chapter 1 - Session 1 - Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I got this idea after listening to The Adventure Zone, and reading the transcripts done for those sessions created by TAZ Transcribed. Uh... this is probably going to read terribly once it is not on a Google Doc, so... this is an experiment, just to see how it looks!

**~** START OF TRANSMISSION - AVENGERS COMPOUND - AUGUST 13th ~

 **Peter:** So, uh, we all have sort of… gotten our characters ready, right? Like, with backstory and names, and, everyone’s made basic - the basic decisions of who they’re playing as, and what each individual character is… well, gonna be bringing to the metaphorical table, yes?

 **Ned:** Yep.

 **Bruce:** Yeah, I think… I think we’re pretty good.

 **Tony:** It should be pointed out that, without Mr. Parker’s help, the, uh, seniors of the group would not have had any idea what they were doing character-formation wise, so, thank you, Mr. Parker!

 **Peter:** Uh, you’re welcome! It was really - really, it wasn’t a big deal.

 **Bruce** : I’m going to say that it was, because otherwise Tony and I would have been in serious trouble.

 **Peter:** Yeah, I guess that’s probably a fair assumption.

 **Tony:** [crosstalk] I mean I probably would’ve been able to figure it out eventually.

 **Ned:** So, how’re we doing this? Is there like, a plan, so that we can introduce our characters and let the other members of the party know what to expect from them?

 **Peter:** That’s a good idea! Uh, yeah, let’s just like, round robin the table, and everyone can, like, share their character with the others. Uhm -

 **Tony:** I would like to go first.

 **Peter:** Oh, uh, yeah, sure, Mr. Stark. Go ahead.

 **Ned:** I am very excited for this.

 **Tony** : So, this may come as a surprise to… a few people here, who are listening -

 **Bruce:** I’m sure it won’t.

 **Tony:** Uh, I have… decided to create a character who, I think, personifies both me, and who I once hoped I would be, and as such, I will be playing as a human bard, named… Stony Ark.

[Bruce and Ned laughing]

 **Peter:** I am - I’m gonna have to say no.

 **Tony:** What do you mean, _no_? You helped me create this character!

 **Peter:** I didn’t help you _name_ him!

 **Tony:** What does that matter?

[Ned is still snickering, but more quietly, now]

 **Peter:** [pained] I just - D&D is for fantasy scenarios, Mr. Stark, and the name you came up with-

 **Tony:** What do you have against Stony?!

[More laughter]

 **Peter:** [over the laughter] I have - I have _everything_ against Stony.

 **Bruce:** I think it’s a good name.

 **Ned:** Yeah [small snort] me too.

 **Peter:** [heavy sigh]

 **Tony:** Listen, you can have me and Stony, or you can find a fourth person.

 **Peter:** That isn’t… that isn’t as much of a threat as you think it is, Mr. Stark. Mr. Wilson seemed very interested in the campaign, and he offered - well, this is kinda dark - uh, he offered to take the place of any one of your characters that might, well, uhm, die, during this -

 **Bruce:** Wait, wait, what?

 **Peter:** [crosstalk] This - uh -

 **Ned:** It’s gonna be that crazy? I didn’t - I’ve _never_ died during a D &D campaign.

 **Peter:** Well, you’ve never played one of _my_ D &D campaigns. So, yeah, Mr. Stark, if you don’t want to play, I can go ask Mr. Wilson to take your place.

 **Tony:** I am using my human bard Stony Ark, or I am taking back the cool die I bought you.

 **Peter:** _All right_ , you can… play with your… ridiculously named character, whatever.

 **Tony:** Good. Glad that’s settled.

 **Peter:** Uhm, why don’t you give us - God, I already hate this _so much_ \- give us a rundown on… on your… your guy?

 **Bruce:** [muffled laughter]

 **Tony:** I will gladly do so. Stony Ark is, well, he’s a bard. He’s… he learned his craft at an extremely young age via traveling with a journeying, like, I don’t know, band of [ Merry Men ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merry_Men)? There’s a… there’s a better way to describe this. Just -

 **Ned:** What, like, [ Kvothe ](http://kingkiller.wikia.com/wiki/Kvothe) -style? From [ _Name of the Wind_ ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Name_of_the_Wind)?

 **Tony:** [crosstalk] _Name of the Wind!_ Yes, thank you, Mr. Leeds. Yeah, so, Stony’s always played music, and he’s proficient in basically any and all instruments in this fantasy world, although he’s especially good at lute, and he can… craft tales and songs like it’s nobody’s business.

And uh, he is also pretty good at like, sneak fighting? Like, traveling on the road for such a long time, since he was young, he - he learned a bit of fighting skills, from his, from his Merry Men, and so he’s also got like, a pretty good grasp on one-handed fighting. It’s - it’s one handed, so that he can keep, like, playing his flute while he’s fighting.

[Laughter]

 **Peter:** Why would he need to be playing his flute while he’s swinging a sword at somebody?

 **Tony:** It’s just in case.

 **Peter:** Okay, uhm, anything else we need to know about him?

 **Tony:** He’s a ladykiller.

 **Bruce:** Of course.

 **Peter:** Right, I don’t even know why I bothered asking. Uh, Doc? Why don’t you go next? Who do you got?

 **Bruce:** Okay! Uh, so, because I am always fighting as a big green guy, I decided to, uh, stay away from the orc race. Not because I don’t like orcs, obviously, I’m not orcsist, or whatever -

 **Tony:** No, we get it.

 **Bruce:** Right. So, I decided to roll a half-elf wizard named Pentan, and -

 **Peter:** Does he have a last name?

 **Bruce:** [hesitantly] … Rune… shield…

[Ned laughing]

 **Bruce:** [more assuredly] Pentan Runeshield!

 **Peter:** [smiling] Okay.

 **Bruce:** Yes, and Pentan is… focused - well, that’s not the word - he’s… neutral good.

 **Ned:** Yes?

 **Bruce:** Which means that he’ll follow the rules, if he doesn’t have a problem with them.

 **Tony:** Weiner.

 **Bruce:** Okay, y’know what -

 **Peter:** [interrupting] Let’s not… get into that. Uh, Ned! Who, who’re you playin’ as, my man? My homie gee?

 **Ned:** Well, first, stop that, please.

 **Peter:** Right, sorry.

 **Ned:** Second, because uh, Peter told me that neither of you were choosing to focus on characters who are skilled in combat -

 **Tony:** Hey! Stony is _very good_ at his daggering.

 **Peter:** Mr. Stark, your character doesn’t have a dagger. He has a rapier.

 **Tony:** I want to trade that for a dagger.

 **Peter:** That isn’t something you can do.

 **Ned:** Can I introduce my character?

 **Bruce:** Please.

 **Ned:** Okay, so, I’m playing as an orc. Uh, my orc, who happens to be a _paladin_ , and he is so because he was raised by two human parents, both of whom were loyal servicemen in their, uh, city’s guard, and he wanted to grow up to be just like them.

 **Peter:** And your name is -?

 **Ned:** Jak Bennet!

 **Peter:** You have a human last name.

 **Ned:** Because of my human parents, DM! Were you not listening?

 **Peter:** No, I was - I was distracted by - what are you _doing_ , Mr. Stark?

 **Tony:** I’m looking up whether or not my bard is allowed to have a dagger instead of a rapier, and you’re about to feel _so dumb,_ kid, because look at what this says!

[Pause]

 **Ned:** What does it say?

 **Bruce:** Yeah, I want to know, too.

 **Tony:** Read it aloud. Tell them. Tell them so that you can feel your shame even _more_.

 **Peter:** It, ugh, it says that one of the tools that a bard automatically comes with is a dagger, so -

 **Tony:** Uh-huh!

 **Peter:** I don’t know why you’d choose to use a dagger instead of the sick magic skills that you can also do, but whatever. Uhm -

 **Ned:** You got shown up.

 **Tony:** I was alive in the ‘80s, and you were not. I know how D&D works, kid. Don’t test me.

 **Peter:** Uh, Ned?

 **Ned:** Yeah?

 **Peter:** Do you, uhm, you wanna tell them what else you’ve got going for you?

 **Ned:** Oh! Yes, so, Jak’s human parents were also _very_ religious -

[Bruce laughing]

 **Tony:** Oh no.

 **Ned:** Which means that Jak is _also_ religious.

 **Peter:** But?

 **Ned:** But my intelligence is low as shit, and therefore I have no bonus in religion checks.

[Bruce laughs harder]

 **Ned:** But I _do_ have heckin’ medicine skills, so -

 **Tony:** Oh, that’s good, because my guy only has nine hit points right now, so -

 **Bruce:** Yeah, Pentan’s not the buffest guy, either.

 **Peter:** Don’t worry about that, that’s just a level one, uh, a level one thing that will get resolved shortly, because uh, level one sucks? And I know it sucks? So, yeah, we’re gonna, we’re gonna get you guys leveled up as soon as possible.

Anyway, I don’t - I don’t really know how you guys want to do this. I mean, I don’t foresee any of you having met before the start of the campaign, but if you guys wanna, like, try to convince me that two of you, or maybe all three of you, have met in some, some kind of manner beforehand, then it’ll probably make this first story-part go by quicker.

 **Tony:** So, what, we have to, like, spin a yarn about how my traveling bard might possibly know Bruce’s elf guy?

 **Bruce:** Maybe you came into my place of study, once, to like, check out a book.

[Peter laughing]

 **Tony:** What the hell are you talking about?

 **Bruce:** I’m a mage! I had to learn my craft someplace. I assumed there was like, a school, or something, that I went to.

 **Ned:** [crosstalk] Like _Hogwarts_?

 **Peter:** [crosstalk] You want your guy to be Harry Potter?

 **Bruce:** I don’t know! I was trying to do backstory.

 **Peter:** Uh, yeah, sure, Pentan - Pentan attended The Academy, which is like, the hoity-toity magic schools in - in Adren, which is the uh, which is the country that we’re going to be playing in. I’m gonna have to say that I doubt that uh, Mr. Stark’s character ever made a trip to The Academy, though, strictly because of how expensive it is?

 **Tony:** Hey! You saying Stony’s _poor_?

 **Peter:** And a little dirty too, yeah.

 **Ned:** Since that’s canon now, [Tony: It is _not_ .] I would like to try to persuade Peter into the possibility of Jak having uh, at one point, arrested Stony.

[Peter laughing]

 **Tony:** All right, hang on. Stony doesn’t deserve this.

 **Peter:** No, no, I’m into it. Keep going, Ned.

 **Ned:** Right, so, once upon a time, uhm, Stony came… I don’t know, _entertaining_ through my hometown of uh, [ Quora ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quora) -

[Laughter]

 **Ned:** \- and uh, he -

 **Bruce:** Does - does this city have a _massive_ library with like, books that have the answers to every question ever asked in them?

 **Ned:** Yes. It’s canon.

 **Peter:** It’s gotta be.

 **Ned:** And Stony, despite being um, underage at the time, decided to, uh, visit the brothel, and a young, much younger Jak, who’d just joined the city watch at the time, catches him, and throws him in jail. For a night.

 **Tony:** [sarcastically] Oh, _just_ a night? That’s, that’s _okay,_  then.

 **Peter:** You know what, I’m - I’ve bought into it. That is… that is genuine backstory, and I think -

 **Tony:** [crosstalk] Wait -

 **Peter:** I think that that’s a good, a good connection between Jak and - and Mr. Stark’s character.

 **Tony:** You know, you’re gonna have to say his name at _some point_.

 **Peter:** No, not gonna happen.

 **Bruce:** All right, so Tony and Ned know one another, and I’m just kinda… kinda there?

 **Peter:** Yeah, uh… let me just… speak some, some backstory into existence, here.

So, Adren, which, again, is our fantasy play-setting, is not… it’s not that big? But that’s just, that’s only because it’s one of, uh, one of five countries in this, uh, world. None of you have ever been to any of the other four countries, because Adren is your, your home. You might’ve had the _desire_ to go someplace else, but that’s a character choice and I’m not gonna railroad you into feeling one way or another.

Anyway, you all… despite all having been born in Adren, you’ve all come from… different places, and you’ve never really, uh, crossed paths before, except for in the case of Jak and - and -

 **Tony:** Just say it.

 **Peter:** \- and the bard -

 **Tony:** Dammit.

 **Peter** : [smiling] But uh, you, for some reason, all find yourselves in the town of Quora, I guess -

[Bruce wheezing]

 **Ned:** [calmly, with poise] It’s canonical. You told me to come up with backstory, and the city of Quora is a huge part of Jak’s backstory. Deal.

 **Peter:** No, I am. It’s great. Uh, so, the three of you are all in Quora, in one of the - the - well, okay, hold on, if - Ned.

 **Ned:** Hm?

 **Peter:** Quora’s a city, you said?

 **Ned:** … well, Jak’s on the city watch, so I -

 **Peter:** [crosstalk] Right.

 **Ned:** [crosstalk] I’d assume it’s a city? To warrant a city watch?

 **Peter:** Yeah, no that makes sense. Good, good, it works out. I decided to start the campaign off in Quora because of your position on the watch, so it’s - it’s good.

Uhm, anyway, the three of you are all in one of Quora’s many taverns, this one called the, uhm, the [ Bookmark ](https://www.quora.com/bookmarked_answers) Bar, and -

[Laughter]

 **Peter:** [laughing] - and uh, you’re all there for, for varying reasons. Uh, Pentan, you’re… you’ve wound up in Quora on your endless search for knowledge, y’know, as a mage does.

 **Bruce:** Yes, of course.

 **Peter:** And you decided to take a small, a small drink break, in your studying sesh. Uh, similarly, Jak, you’ve… you’ve just gotten done with you uhm, your shift, I guess, for the watch, and you decided to stop in at the tavern for your nightly mug, along with a few, a few friends from the watch.

As for the bard -

 **Tony:** You’ll have to give in at some point.

 **Peter:** He’s… I really don’t know what he’s doing in Quora, considering his previous visit to the city, but uh -

 **Tony:** [interrupting] I - I made good gold with my performance, the last time I was here, and I thought I’d give it another go, and _maybe_ avoid getting arrested this time.

 **Ned:** I can… I can _feel_ you side eyeing me, even though I can’t see you, and it is a terrifying feeling.

 **Tony:** Good. It’s supposed to be.

 **Peter:** So, no matter the circumstances, you’re all here in the Bookmark Bar, and you are all doing whatever it is… you want to do in the bar, and uh -

 **Bruce:** I want to buy a drink.

 **Peter:** Okay?

 **Bruce:** I am very excited to start roleplaying, and the first thing I want to do as Pentan Runeshield is buy a drink!

 **Peter:** All right, cool, so uh, you, Pentan I mean, he… he walks up to the bar - well, let me describe the setting real quick.

 **Bruce:** ‘kay.

 **Peter:** The Bookmark Bar is one of the nicer, uhm, establishments in Quora? It is… it’s spacious, with a bar that lines one wall that is, uh, adjacent to the wall with the front entrance on it. A line of maybe twenty bar stools is pressed against it, and about ten of them are occupied at any given time during the hours of 7 PM and 2 AM, which is like, the tavern’s busiest time. There are also several tables in the center of the main room, and against the wall parallel to the entrance, there’s a big stone hearth, and in the fireplace is a, well, warmly glowing fire that pretty much heats up the entire main room.

In front of the hearth are two extremely comfortable armchairs, one of which has someone in it _at all times_ , strictly because of how comfortable they are. Uh, behind the bar is a swinging door that you _think_ leads back into a kitchen, because the tavern does offer meals as well as drinks. And on the _other_ wall, the one that I haven’t mentioned yet, across from the bar, there is a staircase, leading up to a second floor, which has, uh, five rooms on it, for anyone who wants to rent one for the evening.

Pentan, you, uh, you have rented out one of those rooms, I’m going to assume.

 **Bruce:** Yes, of course.

 **Peter:** Yeah, and so you have all your, uh, belongings stored up there, in that room, and I guess you… you come walking down the stairs, maybe with one of your books in hand, and you head across the main room to the bar?

 **Bruce:** That is exactly what I do. I have my nose buried in my book.

 **Peter:** Okay, great! That means, uh, I’m probably gonna have to ask you to roll, like… hm.

 **Bruce:** Wh-why?

 **Peter:** Well, the place is crowded. It’s - it’s like nine o’clock at night, people are getting their drinks on, some people are havin’ a late, a late dinner, it’s… it’s packed, which means you have a very good chance of bumping into somebody, especially with your nose in a book. So… roll… I’m trying to decide if this is like a dexterous thing, or like an intelligence thing.

 **Ned:** It’s a _luck_ thing.

 **Peter:** I don’t think there’s a luck… skill…

 **Bruce:** I forgot to mention that I have my lucky rabbit’s foot in my pocket.

 **Peter:** [laughing] Okay, I’ll just… roll a perception check, as like a, you _know_ that people are gonna be down there, but you don’t know if you’re gonna be able to avoid running into ‘em, but maybe you can, like, perceive where they are as you walk across the bar.

 **Bruce:** Fair enough.

 **Tony:** That was the most long-winded explanation for a roll that I’ve ever heard before in my life.

 **Peter:** It’s the first roll of the game! Give me a break!

 **Bruce:** So, wait, what am I -?

 **Peter:** It’ll be a d20, plus whatever your modifier to perception, is.

 **Ned:** It’s on your sheet.

 **Bruce:** Oh, okay, I see it. Uh - [dice rolling] that’s a 16 plus 1 -

 **Peter:** Yeah, okay, that, that passes. You’re able to successfully make your way across the tavern’s main floor to the bar, and you plop yourself down on one of the vacant barstools, all without looking up from your book.

 **Ned:** What book is it?

 **Bruce:** … [ _Where the Wild Things Are_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Where_the_Wild_Things_Are).

[Huge laughter]

 **Bruce:** [laughing] It’s - it’s a very… scholarly type book. You can… you can learn much about… about boyhood imagination through it.

 **Tony:** Whoa, whoa, whoa! Why do you need to know about boyhood imagination?

 **Bruce** : Because - because it’s something I _can_ learn about! That’s one of Pentan’s things! He wants to learn about everything he can!

 **Peter:** That’s… that’s a good save, Doc. Uh - [Bruce: Thank you] so, what do you do, once you get to the bar?

 **Bruce:** So, I plop down, on my stool, and I, with _out_ looking up from my book, I say:

> **Pentan:** [In a voice that sounds like [ Dr. Drake Ramoray](http://friends.wikia.com/wiki/Drake_Ramoray)] One honeyed wine, please.

[Laughter]

 **Tony:** [Crying from laughing] What kind of _voice_ is that?

 **Bruce:** That was my cool guy voice! Like, I’m a mage, but I’m a _cool_ mage!

 **Tony:** That was - wizards are not cool guys. Especially one as studious as you.

 **Peter:** I think - I hate this, but I think that I might - I’ll have to give it to him.

 **Tony:** What?

 **Peter:** Yeah, I just - mad props, Doc, for actually coming in with a prepared character voice, I -

 **Bruce:** Thank you, Peter!

 **Peter:** Yeah, so, uh, I’m gonna - that voice, just, it immediately grabs the attention of the bartender, who, even though she is currently in the middle of pouring another patron’s drinks, she _hurries_ over to where you’ve seated yourself, fumbling underneath the bar to get your drink prepared, and the, the patron she _was_ helping just kinda goes, uh:

> **Bar Patron:** Hey!

**Peter:** And the bartender, she goes, to _you_ , Pentan, she says:

> **Bartender:** One honeyed wine, coming right up, sir! Uh, it’s, it’s good to see you out of your room, you’ve been spending a lot of time upstairs.
> 
> **Pentan:** Yes well, you know that old saying: the books call.

**Ned:** [wheezing] _What_?

> **Bartender:** Haha, yeah, I know, right?

**Tony:** Does - is Bruce’s character fuckin’ [ Tom Selleck ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Selleck) or something?

 **Bruce:** That’s too old. He’s more like… he’s got the same suave and like, very trusting demeanor as Tom Selleck, but he’s got the looks of… uh… who’s that - [ Legolas](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legolas)! But like, his actual actor.

 **Peter:** He looks like [ Orlando Bloom](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orlando_Bloom)?

 **Bruce:** Yes. He’s… he’s the elf version of Orlando Bloom’s character from the pirate movies.

 **Ned:** He’s elvish [ William Turner](http://pirates.wikia.com/wiki/William_Turner_Jr.).

 **Peter:** Got it. There, Mr. Stark, that should, that makes sense, now, why he so easily got the bartender’s attention, right?

 **Tony:** I think he needs to roll a charisma check.

 **Bruce:** But my _looks_ , Tony.

 **Peter:** Yeah, no, the fact that he looks like Orlando Bloom circa [ _Pirates of the Caribbean_ ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pirates_of_the_Caribbean_\(film_series\)) is like, plus eighty to his charisma.

 **Bruce:** I planned this out. My, my charisma skill isn’t the worst, either, so if - if you want me to -

 **Tony:** I _really_  want you to roll a charisma check.

 **Peter:** I guess, yeah, okay, that might be, that might be funny. Doc, roll a 1d20 and add your charisma bonus.

 **Bruce:** Ah [dice rolling] oh, shit. Uhm - yeah, I might…

[Ned laughing]

 **Bruce:** [laughing] I might uh, might not have -

 **Peter:** What is it?

 **Bruce & Ned: **Nine.

 **Tony:** Hah! Screw you and your Orlando Bloom elf-ear bullshit!

 **Peter:** Yeah, so, uh… the bartender, she’s… she leans over the bar towards you, to like, pass you your cup of honeyed wine, and I guess, I guess she like, kind of gets a whiff of how you smell? Which isn’t great, considering how much -

[Ned and Bruce laughing]

 **Peter:** \- how much time you’ve been spending in your room looking over your many books, instead of, y’know performing basic necessities of hygiene, uh, and she - and she kind of immediately backs off, smiling like… like she’s forcing it, and uh -

 **Tony:** [interrupting] No, he has to roll to see if he can tell that she’s forcing it!

 **Peter:** You’re not the DM!

 **Tony:** I want this to be realistic!

 **Bruce:** Yeah, no, it’s okay. I’ll roll it. That’s perception again, right?

 **Ned:** Yeah.

[dice rolls]

 **Bruce:** 14.

 **Peter:** Yeah, so, you can, you can definitely tell that she’s not as, uh, she’s not as interested in serving you as she once was.

[Tony laughing]

 **Peter:** And she says:

> **Bartender:** [uncomfortably] Do you… do you need anything else?
> 
> **Pentan:** [still Dr. Drake Ramoray, but less confident] Nah, I’m good. Thanks, though.

**Peter:** And she, she nods, and walks - uh, walks back over to the other end of the bar.

 **Tony:** I’m just sitting on one of the other barstools, and I noticed all this happening, and I’m like, chuckling to myself, and I say into my mug, like, under my breath:

 **Stony:** [in Tony’s voice] Fuckin’ loser.

 **Peter:** Okay, so -

 **Bruce:** I don’t like Stony Ark. He’s an ass.

[Ned laughing]

 **Peter:** I’m gonna need Tony to roll a stealth check, if he wants to say that without Pentan hearing.

 **Tony:** [annoyed] What?

 **Peter:** Yeah, my man, if - if you’re close enough to have heard his conversation with the bartender, then you’re close enough for him to have heard what you said into your mug, so -

 **Tony:** Then he needs to contest my stealth role with a perception check!

 **Bruce:** We have been playing for like, ten minutes, and this will be my third perception roll.

 **Peter:** Let’s just see how bad Mr. Stark does; you might not need to roll.

 **Tony:** I liked you so much better when you were, like, meek and afraid of me. The joke’s on you, though, assholes, because my stealth is a _plus four_. [dice roll] HAH. It’s a 21! Suck it.

 **Peter:** Jesus. Who said you could -

 **Tony:** I did! I was allowed to pick  _t_ _hree skills_ to put extra points into, and I chose persuasion, deception, and _stealth_! You did this to yourself!

 **Ned:** Are you, like, a sneaky bard?

 **Tony:** No, no, not sneaky, perse. Just… adept at… trickery.

 **Peter:** You’re [ the Joker](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joker_\(character\)).

 **Tony:** That’s… that’s not -

 **Peter:** Thank God, now I have something to call your character in DM-talk. Thank you.

 **Ned:** The Joker doesn’t know how to play any instruments!

 **Tony:** And like -

 **Peter:** Then you’re character’s, like, Mr. Loki, then, right?

 **Tony:** Oh -

 **Peter:** Yeah, he - he [ definitely knows how to play the violin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPk1qWSrcS4). He’s shown me.

 **Tony:** I don’t approve -

 **Peter** : So, uh, Doctor Banner?

 **Bruce:** Yeah?

 **Peter:** You wanna roll a perception, see if you caught what he said anyway?

 **Bruce:** Uh… what would I have to beat?

 **Tony & Peter: **A twenty-one.

 **Bruce:** Uh… plus one… yeah, no, I think I’ll just, let it slide.

 **Peter:** All right, that’s fine. Uhm -

 **Ned:** At that moment, Jak Bennet pushes his way into the Bookmark, laughing heartily at one of the jokes his compatriots has just told him!

> **Jak:** [Sounds like [ Christopher Lloyd](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dl5NdHGozUM)] Haha! That was a good one, J-Jerry!

[Laughter]

 **Peter:** And the… I’m assuming _human_ , who just told the joke, goes:

> **Jerry:** Yeah, yeah! It’s definitely one of my better ones!

**Ned:** Peter.

 **Peter** : Hm?

 **Ned:** How… likely is it, that I immediately recognize Stony Ark?

 **Peter:** Uh… I’m gonna - okay, how about you roll a, uhm, an investigation check? Just to like, examine the bar as a whole? And like, past a certain number, you’ll _notice_ him, and then like, past _another_ number, you’ll recognize him.

Uh, Mr. Stark, you can do the same, too, if you want, to like, examine the duo of city watchmen that just entered the tavern, and see if _you_ recognize, uh, Jak.

 **Tony:** Cool.

[dice rolling]

 **Ned:** Uh, dammit, I got a 2.

 **Peter:** Yikes, _really_?

 **Ned:** Yeah, I uh, not that smart, intelligence wise, and so I have a negative 2 modifier.

 **Peter:** Oh no.

 **Tony:** I got an eleven.

 **Peter:** Okay, so, uh, Jak, because you… you’ve put many skum in prison over your, uh, your years as a city watchman, you don’t… you don’t recognize uh, Loki, at all. Like, not even a little. Loki, you uh, you _think_ , _maybe_ , you might recognize the orc in this pair of watchmen, but you’re not so sure, because, uh, you get drunk? Like, a lot? And you get thrown into jail while drunk a lot? So, you _might_ know him? But you’re not positive.

 **Tony:** Do we lock eyes for a second, or whatever, and when I realize that he doesn’t seem to recognize me, I just kinda ignore that I might recognize him?

 **Peter:** Uh, yeah, sure, that - that’s fine.

 **Ned:** Uh, I’m gonna turn to my pal, and say:

> **Jak:** You want the usual? If you wanna go get us a table, I can order ‘em for us.

**Peter:** And uh, Jerry agrees, and thanks you, and then heads over to one of the only empty tables in the tavern, which is the one closest to the fireplace against the back wall.

 **Ned:** Jak goes over to the bar, and like, can I lean right between Pentan and Stony, and order from there?

 **Peter:** Yeah, totally. They’re… they’re sitting closer together, with like, a vacant stool in between them, so -

 **Ned:** Great. I do that.

> **Jak:** Hey, ma’am? Could I get two shots of fire whiskey, and a jug of ale? And two cups.

**Peter:** And the bartender, who is much more attentive to all of the customers sitting at the bar than she has any right to be, says,

> **Bartender:** Yeah, sure, just, one second.

**Ned:** And I’m gonna, like, glance to my left, at Pentan, see he’s reading his book, decide not to bother him, and then look to my right, at Stony, who I’m assuming is just drinking?

 **Tony:** Yeah, I don’t have… anything. I just got done performing actually, before Pentan came down the stairs, so -

 **Peter:** Ah, dammit.

 **Tony:** What?

 **Peter:** I was hoping you wouldn’t - you wouldn’t say some shit like that, because I really wanted to see you perform.

 **Tony:** Yeah, see I _knew_ that, and that’s why I said it!

 **Peter:** Mhm.

 **Ned:** So, Jak turns to Stony, and, seeing that he doesn’t have any other distraction aside from his drink, says:

> **Jak:** Bar’s pretty full tonight, eh?
> 
> **Stony:** Uh, yeah, I guess - I guess it is. I wouldn’t really know; I don’t… I don’t come here very often.
> 
> **Jak:** Oh, no? Not from Quora?
> 
> **Stony:** Nope! I’m a… I don’t really have a home, my friend! Kinda just a wanderin’ soul.
> 
> **Pentan:** Oh, me too, my dude!

**Tony:** Oh, God.

 **Peter:** [laughing] Did you forget?!

 **Tony:** I pushed it into the back of my head, yeah.

> **Pentan:** I’ve been traveling since I was old enough to leave home, looking for scholarly insights that not many before me have delved into.

**Bruce:** And I hold up my copy of _Where the Wild Things Are_.

[Ned snickering]

> **Pentan:** Like in this book, right here! Very fascinating stuff - really gives you an insight into how the child mind works.
> 
> **Stony:** Why do you need to know how the child mind works? Are you - are you a creeper?
> 
> **Pentan:** N-no?
> 
> **Jak:** Yeah, it sounds pretty shifty to me, bub. I’ll have you know that I’m a member of the Quora city watch, and I will not hesitate to take you in if I have reason to believe you are a threat to the city’s children!

[Peter laughing]

> **Pentan:** I - I’m not! I promise! I just, I like to learn! That’s… why can’t a scholar get a break?
> 
> **Stony:** Well, when the shit you’re studying seems shifty -
> 
> **Jak:** Yeah! What he said! You got it right, pal!

**Ned:** And Jak, like, punches Stony in the shoulder, but in a friendly way.

 **Peter:** It probably hurts, though.

 **Ned:** Yeah, definitely.

 **Peter:** Uh, thankfully for Pentan, who looks like he might be in serious danger of getting tag-teamed by two, two previous foes, uh, the bartender returns, with a tray of the drinks you ordered, Jak.

 **Ned:** I take it from her, and then I like, look at Pentan with like, distrust in my eyes.

> **Jak:** I’m watchin’ you, _mage_.

**Ned:** And then I walk over to join my buddy Jerry at the table he grabbed.

 **Bruce:** I am - is it shameful to admit that I am actually scared, for my life? For Pentan’s life?

 **Tony:** No, you, you should be. We’re dangerous folk, me ‘n’ my pal Jak.

 **Ned:** Who arrested you once upon a time.

 **Tony:** Yeah, well, apparently neither of us remember that, so. Anyway, I’m gonna, uh, hop onto the stool that’s closer to Brucie, to avoid another party coming up between us, and say -

 **Ned:** [interrupting] I immediately return to the bar and am like, “Could I get -” No, no, I’m just kidding. Sorry.

 **Bruce:** God, kid, way to ruin the immersion!

 **Ned:** How immersed can you be?!

> **Pentan:** I’m not, like, a bad dude, I promise.
> 
> **Stony:** Yeah, no, I know. It’s all right, bub. I just didn’t want to disagree with big scary, y’know?
> 
> **Pentan:** Oh, okay. Phew. That’s a relief.
> 
> **Stony:** So, uh, what’s your story, mage?
> 
> **Pentan:** Well, uh, first, my name’s Pentan Runeshield. It’s nice to meet you.
> 
> **Stony:** Oh, yeah, likewise, sir.
> 
> **Pentan:** I’m from a pretty wealthy family, and so I attended The Academy for several years when I was younger, and they have this thing, at The Academy, where once you learn the basic skills, they send you out on your own into the world, to learn what you can through experience and outside study.
> 
> **Stony:** Sounds pretty nifty!
> 
> **Pentan:** Yeah, it really is! Uh, what about you? Where’re you from… friend?

**Peter:** [amused] Why’d you hesitate?

 **Bruce:** I wanted to call him _bard_ or something, but Pentan doesn’t know he’s a bard, so -

 **Peter:** Right, right, good catch. Good roleplaying.

 **Bruce:** Thanks!

 **Tony:** I’m gonna, like, wave my hand for the bartender’s attention, and then like, lift my mug, signifying that I need a refill.

 **Peter:** She brings you a fresh drink.

 **Tony:** I turn back to my new friend.

> **Stony:** Ah, you know. The life of a wandering entertainer is one that’s full of adventures. I could tell you many stories about the people I’ve encountered, the things I’ve had to do, but the most important things are all the lessons I’ve learned, through and through.

**Ned:** [very upset] Oh no…

 **Peter:** Please don’t tell me you’re gonna speak in rhymes the whole time?

 **Tony:** I’m a _bard_. What can you do?

> **Pentan:** Did you just - are you speaking in rhymes? Like the [ Cat in the Hat](http://seuss.wikia.com/wiki/The_Cat_in_the_Hat_\(character\))?
> 
> **Stony:** I don’t - I’m not sure what that is, but if this cat in a hat like to rhyme, then sure, we could probably have a good time. Together.

[Laughter]

 **Peter:** As, uh, as the two of you are talking, uh, a few of the tavern’s patrons clear out, having finished their meals, or drinks, or combination of the two. Uh, it actually clears out, pretty, pretty significantly, leaving behind uh, the three of you, Jak’s watch buddy, and then a guy who’s sitting by himself at a table in a corner, closer to the front door.

 **Bruce:** I bet this guy’s suspicious looking.

 **Peter:** He actually is. Uh, he’s wearing a cloak, and he has the hood of it pulled up over his head, and down over his eyes. The table’s kind of situated in a way that allows him to lean back against the wall, which is what he’s doing. You get the impression that he might be asleep.

And uh, as the last few extraneous bar patrons leave, a group of five dudes walks in. Uh, they’re all, they all look a little road-worn, like they’ve been traveling for a few days, and have only just now decided to stop somewhere. Uh, there’s a clear hierarchy to their group; there’s one guy at like, the helm of them, and he’s the biggest and toughest looking one. He has an axe hanging off of his belt. To his left and right are dudes who appear to be twins, they look exactly the same. One of them has a sword, and the other is carrying a very heavy looking warhammer in both his hands.

At the back of the group is a fourth guy, and he’s, he’s flipping a knife into the air all casual-like, and then there’s a single woman, and she’s, like, really scary looking. She’s got a huge scar across one eye, and like, half of her head is shaved. And she has two different, uh, crap, what’re those things called? That you put your weapon in?

 **Ned:** Scabbards?

 **Peter:** Yes! Thank you. Yeah, so, she has two scabbards, one hanging off of each side of her belt. And this group of, of hardened riders, they kinda look around the tavern, like, taking everyone in, and then the guy in front goes:

> **Obvious First Fight 1:** [exaggerated Brooklyn accent] A’right, gonna need everyone to clear out. My friends and I are claiming this place as our own for the night.

**Ned:** Does he not care that there are two city watchmen sitting at one of the tables?

 **Peter:** I guess not.

 **Ned:** Well, then, uh, I’m gonna stand up, and I’m gonna try to intimidate this asshole.

 **Peter:** Just him?

 **Tony:** I think that’d be fine, since he’s like the boss, right? What he says, goes? So if Ned convinces him to get the hell out, then -

 **Peter:** Yeah, all right, that - I guess that makes sense. Go ahead and roll.

 **Ned:** [dice rolling] Uh, it’s a 19.

 **Peter:** Cool, yeah, that beats his uh, constitution check, so he’s definitely a little wary of you. Uh, what do you say to him?

 **Ned:** I think I’m gonna, like, mock his accent, and go:

> **Jak:** [Christopher Lloyd, but with an exaggerated Brooklyn accent] Actually, gonna  need _you_ to clear out, because this establishment is open to everyone, and we wouldn’t want to get in the way of that.

**Ned:** And I’ll like, put my hand on my _own_ axe, which is hanging off my back.

 **Peter:** Okay, uh -

 **Tony:** DM?

 **Peter:** Yes.

 **Tony:** I want to sneak over to their group, and pickpocket the twin that’s closest to where the bar is.

 **Bruce:** [muffled] He’s gonna get killed.

 **Tony:** I want to like, take advantage of the group being distracted by Ned, and steal some shit.

 **Peter:** Okay, so, if you wanna sneak over to them, you’ll need to make a stealth check, and then to _steal_ , you’ll need to roll sleight of hand.

 **Tony:** Got it. I’m gonna steal all of his shit. [dice rolling] The stealth check is a 18 -

 **Ned:** Holy shit.

 **Tony:** \- and the sleight of hand is… [dice rolling] also an 18!

 **Peter:** Yeah, okay. Uh, jeez, so you slink over to this group of tough folk, and you casually slide your hand into the twin on the right’s pocket, and you, very easily, uh, pull out a small gold purse, which you then slip into your own pocket, before moving away.

 **Tony:** And now I’m standing… where?

 **Peter:** Uh, actually, you’re close to that table where the man you think is sleeping is seated, and uh, make a perception check?

 **Tony:** … okay? [dice rolling] I only got a 9.

 **Peter:** Yeah, that’s not gonna do it. Okay. Uh, so, the guy in the front, we’re gonna say his name is Bertrand, uh, he’s kinda quaking in his boots, from your display, Jak, and he kind looks to his left and right, at the twins, as though he’s wagering their expressions, and then he turns back to you, kinda clears his throat a little, and goes:

> **Bertrand:** That’s great an’ all, but uh, we’ve been on the road for a few days, now, and we could really use the place.
> 
> **Jak:** I’m sure you could, but that doesn’t remove the fact that this is an open tavern. Just because you walk in and announce that you want it doesn’t mean that you can just take it.
> 
> **Stony:** Gentlemen, gentlemen!

**Bruce:** Oh God.

> **Stony:** Uh, do we really need to start fighting about this? I mean, this tavern is big enough for all of us, and I’m sure that our lovely bartender over there would not mind helping you folks out with anything you need.

**Tony:** And I like, look over at the bartender, and like make a face like, “ _Right_?”

 **Peter:** And she goes,

> **Bartender:** I don’t mind, so long as you don’t destroy anythin’.

**Bruce:** At this point, I’m gonna stand up, and like, move closer to where the watch dudes are, because like, I know magic, but I really don’t want to be by myself at the bar if shit goes to hell.

 **Ned:** You’re not gonna stand near the bartender to protect her?

 **Bruce:** Hey, she thinks I smell bad!

 **Peter:** That’s ‘cause you do.

 **Bruce:** Well, she can throw bottles at them, if she needs to. I don’t think they’ll try anything on her.

 **Peter:** Fine. So, Pentan moves away from the bar and closer to the table that Jak and his buddy are occupying. Uh, one of the twins looks at you, as you do so, and he goes,

> **Twin 1:** Stop movin’! I don’t know what you think you’re plannin’ on doin’, but it ain’t gonna end well for ya!

**Peter:** And his brother, he just kinda nudges him, and says,

> **Twin 2:** Leave ‘im alone, Kel. He ain’t doin’ nothin’.
> 
> **Kel** : Not yet, anyway.

**Peter:** And -

 **Ned:** What’s the guy at the table doing?

 **Peter:** Hm?

 **Tony:** Yeah, I’m wondering that, too. He’s obviously moving, or something, since I had to roll a perception check, but - has he, like, shifted in any noticeable way while this has been going down?

 **Peter:** No, obviously not, since you had to roll _perception_ just to see if you noticed anything about him!

 **Bruce:** I’m gonna, like, elbow Jak with my arm, and say, like,

> **Pentan:** I don’t like the way these folks look.
> 
> **Jak:** I don’t like the way _you_ look, wizard. Get away from me.

**Peter:** The guy in the middle, Bertrand, he’s gonna, he’s gonna like, put one of his hands on top of his axe, and say,

> **Bertrand:** Listen fellas, we don’t want any trouble. We’re willing to let everyone leave, without any harm comin’ their way. We only want the tavern to ourselves.
> 
> **Jak:** That’s not very reasonable.
> 
> **Bertrand:** We ain’t known for being reasonable.

**Peter:** And as he says this, he’s going to pull out his axe, and like, point it towards you, Jak, and say,

> **Bertrand:** Take down the orc and his boy first. The rest of ‘em ain’t a threat.

**Peter:** And then, faster than like, any of you would have thought, this uh, guy that was sitting at the table in the corner, he whips out a dagger, and he throws it at Bertrand. And… it’s a surprise attack, so he’s going to have advantage…

 **Tony:** Rude of him not to ask us if we wanted to fight.

 **Bruce:** Yeah, really.

 **Ned:** Guys, he’s _throwing_ a _knife_ at the lead dude! He’s a badass! He might not even need our help!

 **Peter:** Yikes, I’m glad he has advantage, ‘cause uh, that first roll fuckin’ sucks. His second roll, however, is a 25 -

[Exclamations of shock and awe]

 **Peter:** Yeah, he’s… he’s wild. And he rolls… [dice rolling] 15 points of damage.

 **Ned:** My God!

 **Peter:** So this guy, he, he throws his dagger like it’s a ninja star, and it, it flies across the space between his table and Bertrand, and it’s going to like, land in Bertrand’s, like, the space where his neck meets his shoulder. And, it’s time to roll initiative.


	2. Chapter 1 - Session 1 - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, last time, we saw the squad get together in the poorly named Bookmark Bar, and now they're getting ready to fight a band of assholes that have sort of invaded the place. Surely this won't go terribly, although, it might, considering the campaign is called It Gets Worse!

**Bruce:** [dice rolling] I don’t really care how cool he is, this guy’s making us fight _five_ big dudes even though we’re only level 1s!

**Peter:** [grinning] Everyone’s gonna be fine. You have cool dude, and you have an extra watch guy with you. It’s gonna be good. What’re your rolls?

**Ned:** I got 14.

**Bruce:** A 7.

**Tony** : [proudly] _I_ got a nat 20, plus 2, so 22!

**Peter:** Is your die weighted?

**Tony:** Of course not! I’m not that big of an ass!

**Peter:** I was just asking, because none of your rolls so far have sucked, and like -

**Tony:** [crosstalk] I’m very lucky.

**Peter:** It’s a little suss, but all right, I believe you. [dice rolling] Oh, yikes, cool guy did not do so great on initiative, but… that’s all right. Uh, so, first up is Loki, I guess.

**Tony:** Great. I’m going to move as far away from the scary boys as I can, and then, from a distance, I’m going to like, hold up my dagger, and threaten the hell out of ‘em.

**Peter:** So, okay, you move… you move towards where the fireplace is, actually. And you - are you gonna roll intimidation?

**Tony:** … uh, sure.

**Peter:** [dice rolling] Great.

**Tony:** 14?

**Peter:** Yeah, uh, that’s not gonna do it, for any of them. So you try to climb up onto one of the armchairs, to get like, the higher ground, but you stumble, a little, which doesn’t create such an imposing figure, and they are definitely not impressed by your rhymes.

**Tony:** Dammit.

**Peter:** And you don’t wanna take an action?

**Tony:** No.

**Peter:** Great. Next in the order are the twins, who kind of are one… one unir, and they’re going to turn their attention towards the mysterious fellow, who just took a stab at their boss. [dice rolling] That hits. So, uh, they march over to his table, where he’s stood up, and has like, braced himself behind it, to use it as kind of like a shield, and the twin that had been standing to the left of Bertrand swings his warhammer at him, and does… oh, not too bad, uh 8 points of damage.

**Ned:** Pete?

**Peter:** Mmhm?

**Ned:** Can I use a free action to talk to my pal?

**Peter:** Yeah, go for it.

> **Jak:** So, uh, these guys are assholes, but we both know the rules of no killing unless absolutely necessary, so I’m gonna suggest we hold back, unless one of the innocents gets attacked.

**Peter:** And Jerry’s gonna go:

> **Jerry** : But Jak, they took a swing at that cloaked fella.
> 
> **Jak:** And? He attacked them first.
> 
> **Jerry:** I guess you got a point.

**Peter:** Uh, next in the order is the lady, who was in the group of fighters, and she’s going to move closer to where the bar is, actually, and she’s pulling out both of the weapons that she had hanging off her belt, which happen to be two daggers? And she’s gonna try to jump _over_ the bar to get closer to the bartender - [dice rolling] but doesn’t succeed, and she kinda fumbles over one of the stools instead.

Uh, Jak! You’re up next.

**Ned:** So, I can see that she’s threatening the bartender?

**Peter:** Yeah, definitely.

**Ned:** Okay, I want to move closer to the bar, and pull out my axe as I’m doing so, but I don’t want to hit her or anything, until she actually tries something dangerous to the bartender.

**Peter:** All right. So, you leave Jerry at the table, and you walk past where Pentan is standing to get to the bar, holding your axe, and the woman with the daggers, she just kind of eyes you, but she doesn’t, she doesn’t react, other than that.

Next up is Bertrand, and he’s bleedin’ pretty badly from his wound. He’s gonna reach up, and he’s gonna pull out the dagger that Cloakie threw at him, and he’s gonna like, growl, kind of, and then turn to the only member of his party that _hasn’t_ moved, and he’s gonna point to his injury, and go,

> **Bertrand** : Get this fixed!

**Peter:** Cloakie’s next, and he’s gonna counter the attack that the hammer twin just dealt him by pulling out a short sword. [dice rolling] And he hits! So he, takes a stab at the left twin, and, ooh, does 18 damage, which kinda… kinda kills that guy.

**Bruce:** Thank God.

**Peter:** Yeah, he, he kinda looks down at where Cloakie’s just stabbed past his giant warhammer, into his chest, and he goes pale, and then he fall down, and his hammer falls on top of him, and Kel, his twin, yells,

> **Kel:** Zel! No! Goddammit, you rogue bastard!

**Peter:** And Cloakie just like, grins at him in response.

**Tony:** I take back what I said; this guy is the coolest.

**Ned:** I’m gonna have to arrest his ass, aren’t I?

**Peter:** I mean, you can try to? Uh, Jerry forfeits his turn, and so it’s Pentan, next.

**Bruce:** Great. Uh, hm. I don’t… I don’t really want to attack, because I heard what Jak said, and I don’t want to get in trouble, either, but -

**Tony:** [muffled] Finish Bertrand off!

**Bruce:** But he hasn’t done anything to me!

**Peter:** You can delay your action, Doc.

**Bruce:** What does that mean?

**Peter:** It means you can not go, right now, but anytime in the next round, you can jump in whenever you want to do something, and do it.

**Bruce:** Oh, okay! I like that. Yeah, that’s… that’s what I do.

**Peter:** Cool, which means we’re down to the fifth member of Bertrand’s squad, the knife flipper. He uh, he kinda looks between Bertrand’s bleeding wound, and the rest of the tavern, and then he kind of mutters something that nobody catches under his breath, before he throws one of his knives at the bartender.

**Bruce:** No!

**Ned:** Why does everybody want to hurt the lady?

**Peter:** Yeah, so… [dice rolling] Oh, yikes. So, he, he throws this dagger, and even he looks surprised when it sails across the tavern and embeds itself in the bartender’s shoulder, dealing her… 3 damage.

**Ned:** Shit.

**Bruce:** I’m going to do my action, now.

**Peter:** [laughing] Okay.

**Bruce:** I am going to… cast magic missile on the guy who just threw the knife.

**Peter:** Sounds good. What are the parameters of magic missile?

**Bruce:** [clearly reading off of something] “You create three glowing darts of magical force. Each dart hits a creature of your choice… for 1d4+1 force damage.”

**Peter:** And you’re gonna aim all three at the knife guy?

**Bruce:** Yes, since he’s the only one who’s done something unwarranted.

**Peter:** Got it.

**Tony:** [dice rolling] This is the lamest fight ever.

**Bruce:** Uh, 7.

**Peter:** All right. So, you wave your hand, and then point it in the direction of the knife guy, and three glowing bullet looking things come out of your fingertips, and sail across the bar into this guy’s chest, and they leave, like, glowing marks on it, and he stumbles, a little, but not, not too bad.

Next up is Loki.

**Tony:** I’m over by the fireplace, correct?

**Peter:** Yes.

**Tony:** Okay. I am going to go over to the fireplace, and pick up one of the burning pieces of wood, and like, throw it.

[Laughter]

**Peter:** Why?

**Tony:** Because I have nothing better to do.

**Ned:** [crying] Do you want to burn down the tavern?!

**Tony:** No! I want to cause a distraction so that I can get the hell out of here.

**Peter:** I - I guess you can do it? Like, nobody’s gonna stop you - oh, wait.

**Tony:** What?

**Peter:** Jerry’s still standing by his table, which means he’s close to where you are. If you throw a burning stick, you might hit him.

**Tony:** And that’s supposed to bother me?

**Bruce:** Don’t hurt Jerry! He tells good jokes, apparently.

**Tony:** Collateral damage. I throw the stick.

**Peter:** You’re not, like, aiming for anything in specific? You’re just sort of throwing it?

**Tony:** Yep. Well, huh. Okay, is the other twin about to start wailing on Cloak?

**Peter:** I mean, probably. He did just kill his brother, and his turn is next.

**Tony:** Okay. Can I - can I run back across the tavern, and like, poke the other twin -

**Bruce:** His name is Kel!

**Tony:** Kel. Can I poke Kel in the back with my fire stick?

**Peter:** Uh, you could. What’s your… what’s your character’s speed?

**Tony:** 30.

**Peter:** Uh, yeah, I guess we could say that gets you, like, three-fourths of the way there? Which means you can probably… you’d probably be able to _throw_ the stick at him…

**Ned:** Point of order, I’d just… I’d like to say that, if he _does_ throw the stick at Kel, that might warrant a reason for me to put his ass in prison.

**Tony:** _What_?

**Ned:** Yeah, man, I mean, he hasn’t hurt anybody yet, and you’re like, preemptively attacking him.

**Tony:** Fine! Fine. Smartass. I will, I will just… move those thirty feet, to get closer to the fight, and then I’ll throw the burning stick at the guy who threw the knife at the bartender.

**Bruce:** Yeah! Teamwork!

**Tony:** I’m not associated with you, Sparky.

**Bruce:** [dejected] Aw.

**Peter:** Okay, so, you move, and that gets you pretty heckin’ close to the knife-thrower, who is still, like, licking the wounds from the magic missiles that Pentan dealt him.

**Tony:** Great. And I will roll… what, a strength check?

**Peter:** I’d say so. To see, like, how much _oomph_ you put into your throw.

**Tony:** Okay. Not… not my strongest suit, admittedly, but I’ve been pretty lucky so far! [dice roll]

**Bruce:** He’s gonna set the floor on fire.

**Tony:** I… might have set the floor on fire.

**Peter:** Oh, God, what is it?

**Tony:** It’s a three.

[Riotous laughter]

**Peter:** God… dammit.

**Tony:** [laughing] And, and to like, recover, to pretend I meant to drop this burning stick on the floor, I’ll say,

> **Stony:** They call me ‘Stony’ for a reason.
> 
> **Jak:** And what reason is that? Because you got stones for brains?

[More laughter]

> **Stony:** Okay, see -

[Someone crying from laughter; Bruce wheezing]

> **Stony:** I _meant_ to do that. I meant to set the place on fire, because now everyone’s stopped fighting, because they’re all distracted! I won the fight, single-handedly.

**Peter:** Uh, actually, you didn’t set the place on fire, because… tah-dah, _Jerry_ -

[Bruce & Ned gasp]

**Peter:** \- Jerry delayed his turn, because he thought some shit like this would happen, and he follows you across the room, and he beats your, your strength check to throw by a _lot_ , and he like, grabs your arm, and wrenches the burning piece of wood out of your hands and goes,

> **Jerry:** [like he’s scolding a pet] No!

**Bruce:** Go Jerry!

**Peter:** And then he carries it back to the fireplace. And the fight goes on! Uh, the twin is next -

**Tony:** I just want to say that, if I hadn’t failed that goddamn strength check, I would have set that asshole on fire, and it would have been dope.

**Peter:** Please, never say dope again. Uh, the twin is going to - did I say he has a sword?

**Ned:** I… think so?

**Peter:** Yeah, I did, thank you, FRIDAY… so, he’s gonna use his sword, and he’s gonna take a swing at Cloakie. Uhm... [dice rolls] oh, shit, okay, he rolls a 21, which hits, for… 1d10… 12 damage. And uh, by this point, Cloakie’s not looking so hot.

Next up is the woman, who’s still by the bar. Uh, Loki, she saw the shit that you tried to pull on her knife pal, and wasn’t… she didn’t like that? And so she’s gonna go over to where _you_ are instead, and take a swing with her blades -

**Tony:** She’s gonna kick my ass.

**Peter:** [grinning] Probably. Uh, [dice roll] oh shit! She… she fuckin’ slips on some spilled beer and loses her balance on her way over to you.

**Tony:** What was the roll?

**Peter:** A 4!

**Tony:** Haha! The luck returns!

**Bruce:** You were blessed by Jerry’s touch.

**Peter:** Yeah, Jerry’s scolding of you trying to throw a _piece of wood_ at somebody gave you, fuckin’, [ Domino’s powers](http://deadpool.wikia.com/wiki/Domino), from _Deadpool 2_.

**Tony:** The DM said it! It’s canon!

**Peter:** Not how that works, when I’m just… talking, unfortunately. Uh, next up is… Jak!

**Ned:** Great. I’m gonna… I guess I’m gonna hop the bar, to like, check on the bartender, because she is in obvious need of medical assistance.

**Peter:** Yeah, she has a knife sticking out of her shoulder. Okay. Uh, roll a… I guess acrobatics check? To hop over the bar?

**Ned:** [dice rolling] 14.

**Peter:** Yeah, that’s good enough. So, what do you wanna - like, do you want to heal her?

**Ned:** Yeah, I wanna use Lay on Hands, which is a paladin thing -

**Peter:** ‘kay.

**Ned:** \- where… I can restore a number of hit points based on my level times 5. So, essentially, I can heal her up to five hit points, currently.

**Tony:** What kind of Jesus crap is that?

**Ned:** That’s exactly what it is. I have blessed touch.

**Peter:** That ain’t what your girlfriend says.

[Exaggerated ‘Oohs!’ and ‘Sick burn!’ from Bruce and Tony. Obnoxious laughter from Peter.]

**Ned:** Ahah, very funny. Joke’s on you, because I don’t have a girlfriend. Uh -

[Laughter]

**Ned:** So I heal this woman.

**Peter:** Yeah, uh, you, you carefully pull the knife out of her shoulder, which, thankfully, it didn’t, like, it didn’t go in too deep, and you use a bar rag to like, help stop the blood flow, and you heal her I’m _assuming_ 3 HP?

**Ned:** Yep.

**Peter:** Great, uh, there’s usually probably a dice roll involved in there, somewhere, but I’ll let it slide this time, since she’s an NPC and _remarkably_ not important. Anyway, the barkeep is back to full health. Next up is Bertrand, who is still -

**Bruce:** [interrupting] I forgot about him!

**Peter:** Yeah, he’s still… he’s still bleeding, from the knife wound that Cloakie dealt him, and he’s like… I’m gonna say he lost [dice roll] 2 more hit points, from how much blood he’s losing, because like a dumbass he pulled the knife out of his shoulder, and he kinda looks like he’s about to slump over on the floor, which means he’s not… he’s not doing much, because he doesn’t have the strength to pick up his axe, which he dropped, by the way, when the knife hit him.

Uh… Cloakie’s next, and he’s… he’s also bleeding, pretty heavily, and he’s going to… do some sick rogue shit -

**Ned:** My favorite kind of rogue shit.

**Peter:** Oh shit! He crits, which means he does… he jumps up onto the table, which wasn’t doing a very good job of separating him from Kel, and he does a dope flip over the top of Kel, all while pulling Kel’s sword out of his hands, and he lands on the ground behind Kel, on his feet, facing… facing away from Kel, facing the bar.

**Tony:** I don’t like how cool this guy is. He’s… he’s gonna be my arch nemesis.

**Bruce:** [sarcastically] Yeah, because you… your amount of cool is totally on the same level as his.

**Peter:** The best part is that Cloak’s only a level 3, so -

**Ned:** [interrupting] Holy shit!

**Peter:** \- he’s still got quite a ways to go.

**Ned:** Rogues are _fucking cool_.

**Peter:** Uhm… now it’s knife-thrower’s turn, and he’s going to… he’s going to realize that his boss is like, actually dying? Like, he hadn’t thought it was that bad before, but now he sees that it’s like, super bad, and he hurries over to where Bertrand is like, panting, and bleeding out, and he goes,

> **Knife-Thrower:** [in a nasally voice very reminiscent to [ Bert ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bert_\(Sesame_Street\))] Oh my God, oh my God, sir! Sir, I - I’m so sorry!

**Peter:** And he’s like, trying to figure out how to stop the bleeding, he’s like, pressing his hand against the wound and all that.

> **Knife-Thrower:** I don’t - I don’t think I can do anything about this, sir! It’s… I’m not trained -
> 
> **Bertrand:** [panting] Fucking do _something_.

**Peter:** And so knife guy’s gonna make a feeble medicine check attempt… [dice roll]

**Tony:** Pete doesn’t even need us, guys. He’s just… roleplaying on his own, over here.

**Bruce:** I know, it… I don’t like being the last to go.

**Peter:** [grinning] And he… he somehow manages to heal his boss for 2 damage, by, like, stopping the bleeding, I guess, and Bertrand kinda goes, uh,

> **Bertrand:** You’re fuckin’ dead, Sonny Jim. I swear, you’re dead.

**Ned:** Is that knife-thrower’s name? Sonny Jim?

**Peter:** Yeah, he’s… he’s Jim’s son named Jim, so -

[Laughter]

**Peter:** Anyway, Jerry’s next, and he’s… he’s standing by the fireplace, where he had to go to put Loki’s danger stick, and so he’s not… not really in a position to do much, so I’m gonna say that he delays his turn again, which means we’re finally back to Pentan.

**Bruce:** Thank God. Uh… I’m going to cast a cantrip called Ray of Frost…

**Peter:** Okay.

**Bruce:** … which casts a “frigid beam of white-blue light toward a creature within range” and I’m aiming it at the woman who tried to attack Stony.

**Peter:** Okay, what’s the roll?

**Bruce:** I have to make a ranged spell attack, which… I think is a d20 plus my spellcasting modifier, which is… five?

**Ned:** Yeah, right now it’s five. Proficiency plus intelligence.

**Peter:** Okay, sure. Go for it.

**Bruce:** It’s a 12.

**Peter:** That’s not gonna do it.

**Bruce:** Damn.

**Peter:** Your ray of white-blue light does not stretch across the space between you and the woman, and it just kinda plops on the floor, leaving a mark.

**Bruce:** I waited through, like… what, eight people for my damn turn, and I don’t even use it effectively!

**Peter:** Yeah, you got… you got the crap end of the stick, there, sorry. Back to the top, Loki.

**Tony:** Okay, so, this woman tried to take a swing at me?

**Peter:** Yes, sir.

**Tony:** So it’s only fair that I… take a swing at her, with my…

**Peter:** Good God, please don’t say dagger.

**Tony:** [pause] With my rapier.

**Peter:** Thank you, lord.

**Tony:** So… [clicks tongue] It’s a d20 plus strength, which is zero… so… [dice roll] 17!

**Ned:** [In Jak’s voice] Goddammit, Jerry, why didn’t you tell me you have the magic touch?

> **Jerry:** [ I got the magic in me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqMZ8TieXfU).

[Laughter]

**Peter:** Uh, yeah, that hits, so… roll damage.

**Tony:** 6!

**Peter:** Dammit, you’re just… kicking these rolls’ asses, okay. Uh, so you stab at her, with your little blade, and she doesn’t move out of the way, because she didn’t _expect_ you to actually hit her, and you manage to get a good nick on her, her thigh.

And… Kel’s next. He’s, understandably, kind of shook that this… this bleeding rogue just did a _flip_ over him, and so he just kinda stands there dumbly for a second, before he turns around, which is… is gonna be his whole move, uh, because turning kind of… it could lead to a lot of nastiness, if you’re near an enemy, which he is, so. And he realizes a second too late that he no longer has a weapon, which means he really can’t do anything.

Now we’re at the lady, again, and she’s _pissed_ that you just hit her, Loki, so she’s gonna return the favor. [dice roll] And that’s a crit.

**Tony:** Fuck.

[Bruce laughing]

**Peter:** And she hits you for… only 3 damage, so, she only manages to nick you with one of her blades.

**Tony:** I only have 9 HP! I’m down to six because of this asshole!

**Peter:** [ignoring Tony] Jak, it is your turn.

**Ned:** Great. I have… a shortbow, and twenty arrows, something that all the watchmen are equipped with, and so I’m going to take a ranged attack on the woman, since she’s warranted a reason for attack.

**Peter:** Great. Make the roll.

**Ned:** d20 plus dex… shit, I did not… I did not look at my dexterity ahead of making this decision and realize that I don’t have any… anything there… so… I got a 12?

**Peter:** Nope. You fire an arrow, and it, it goes into the wall way above everybody’s heads, and the bartender looks at you kinda funny, and says,

> **Bartender:** You’re the one we’re trusting to protect our city?
> 
> **Jak:** I’m sorry, ma’am, my ranged weapon training wasn’t very efficient.

[Bruce laughing]

**Peter:** Next up is Bertrand. He is… he’s no longer bleeding, which means he’s pissed, obviously, but uh, funnily enough, instead of… I guess he’s decided that Sonny Jim’s time to die is now? Because he… he wraps a hand around the scruff of his neck, and chucks him at the wall. [dice roll] Yikes, and does 10 damage.

**Tony:** Good!

**Peter:** Yeah, so… Jim’s Son, Sonny Jim, who is also named Jim, he’s… he slides down the wall, and he’s dead as a doornail.

Cool, which takes us back to Cloakie. Uh, he’s… he’s gonna ignore the dude at his back, for now, and try to finish off Bertrand. Which he does, with a 21, and he takes a swing at him, with Kel’s sword that he stole. For 13 damage. Which… which means that Bertrand’s last act was to… to kill his own henchman. He slumps to the floor, even more dead than, than Sonny Jim is.

**Bruce:** Well, I feel like we haven’t done anything.

**Tony:** I hit the lady! For _full_ damage, mind you!

**Peter:** Yeah, uh… Jerry’s… Jerry can see that the battle’s kind of winding down, now, and he’s gonna move towards where Kel’s standing behind Cloakie, unarmed, but that exhausts his action, so he can’t do anything other than that…

Which means, once again, we’re at Pentan.

**Bruce:** All right. I’ve… I’ve about _had it_ -

[Ned snorting]

**Bruce:** \- with these hooligans. They… my copy of _Where the Wild Things Are_ is _still_ not completely finished being read, and I want to get _back_ to reading it, which means… which means I am going to… cast _thunderwave_.

**Peter:** Uh-oh.

**Ned:** This should be good.

**Bruce:** And I’m gonna just… do it.

**Peter:** Wait, explain it, so we all know what’s happening.

**Bruce:** A 15 foot cube of thunderous force sweeps outwards from where I’m standing. Every creature within this radius has to make a constitution saving throw. On a failed save, they take 2d8 thunder damage and are pushed backwards 10 feet, and on a successful save, they take half that much damage, and are not pushed back.

**Peter:** Okay, so I’ll say that within that fifteen feet cube is Jak, the bartender, uh, Loki, and the fighting woman. So… all of them need to do that constitution saving throw.

[dice rolling]

**Peter:** And, Doc, go ahead and roll that damage now, just so we’re ready.

**Bruce:** Okay.

**Tony:** I got another nat 20.

**Bruce:** Of course you did.

**Ned:** Jak rolled a 16.

**Peter:** Okay, and we’re trying to beat his spellcasting DC, which is a 13, which means that neither the bartender nor the fighter saved. Uh, so… what’s the damage?

**Bruce:** [proudly] 2!

[Laughter]

**Peter:** Okay. So, uh, the bartender takes 2, the fighter takes 2, and Ned and Mr. Stark take one. The bartender kinda staggers; she can’t really get pushed backwards, but the fighter, she is pushed back, and she is pushed away from Loki by 2 feet, actually.

**Tony:** Ah, good. Thanks, Bruce.

**Bruce:** You’re welcome.

**Peter:** Good. So that was fun. Uh, Mr. Stark, you’re next.

**Tony:** I follow the fighter.

**Peter:** Okay?

**Tony:** And I stab her again!

**Peter:** You know, you _have_ magic! You’re a bard, you have spells that you can use!

**Tony:** Shh. We’ll talk about it later, DM.

**Peter:** [sighs] Okay, you attack her with your rapier. Again.

**Tony:** Yes. [dice roll] 19.

**Peter:** Yeah, it’s a hit.

**Tony:** Obviously. And I do… 6 damage. Again.

**Peter:** Okay. She… that second stab was too much for her, and you think maybe the embarrassment of getting her ass handed to her by a bard might also have played a factor in it, and she falls over dead.

> **Stony:** And that’s how we do in the Bard Crew!

**Ned:** Stop with the rhyming!

**Peter:** Uh… Jak’s up.

**Ned:** Can I shoot an arrow at Stony?

**Peter:** I’m gonna say no.

**Ned:** Dammit. Uh, fine, then I’ll heal the bartender those 2 HP that she lost from Doc’s thundershit.

**Peter:** ‘kay. Uh… he’s dead… he’s dead… so… Cloakie’s turn, and he is gonna turn, calmly, to face Kel, who, in case you aren’t keeping track, is the only one left alive, and he’s just gonna say,

> **Cloakie:** [Sounds like Thor] Shoulda thought twice about interrupting my nap.

**Peter:** And then Jerry -

**Tony:** I see you’ve been working on your [ Thor impression](https://youtu.be/T6GZFAGBlVU?t=44).

**Peter:** [laughing] Yeah, it’s better, right? Uh, Jerry’s gonna use his sword to stab Kel in the back, which gives him advantage. 14 is enough to hit, for… seven damage.

**Ned:** Shouldn’t it just, automatically kill him? Because it’s through the back?

**Peter:** Uh… yeah, fuck it. As the DM, I’m gonna say that Jerry’s backstab takes down Kel, and he like, falls to his knees in front of Cloakie, his eyes wide open, and then he slumps over sideways.

And uh… that’s the fight. Congratulations. None of you died. I told you.

**Tony:** I immediately go around to loot them _all_.

**Ned:** Gross. You disgusting… I don’t even know what you are, but I don’t like you.

**Peter:** Yeah, the uh… the tavern’s a mess, obviously. There are five dead bodies scattered all over the place, one of which still has Jerry’s sword stuck in it. Uh, some of them are bleeding pretty badly. The woman’s got, like, scorch marks, from Doc’s thunderwave [Bruce: Hell yeah.] and uh… yeah.

> **Jak:** Well, that could have gone… much better, probably.
> 
> **Stony:** I don’t see how, considering we were kind of _sucked into the fight_.

**Tony:** And I kinda glare at Cloak boy.

**Peter:** He just shrugs, and goes,

> **Cloakie:** I don’t like it when people interrupt my nap.
> 
> **Jak:** Anyway, now we have to deal with this mess, and we’re gonna have to take you all in.
> 
> [Mixed sounds of protest from Cloakie, Stony, and Pentan.]
> 
> **Jak:** Sorry, it has to happen. You all attacked people who did not try to attack you, or others, and that is against the law here in Quora, and all over. And so is looting dead bodies.

**Tony:** That’s not true.

**Ned:** It… it super is. I have my Big Book of Adren Laws out right now, and it’s right here, Section 4, Law 89. ‘One shall not loot corpses’.

> **Pentan:** I have something to say.
> 
> **Stony:** Oh, this should be good.

**Bruce:** Shut up, Tony.

**Tony:** That was _Stony_. _He_ said that.

**Bruce:** You’re gonna need a character voice, then, because I can’t tell the difference.

> **Pentan** : I just want to point out that… really, the only person who stabbed someone who didn’t deserve it was Fantasy Aragorn, over there. I hit the knife-thrower, who wounded the bartender, and then I hit the fighter woman.
> 
> **Jak:** You also harmed myself and the barkeep in that little thundershock bull, sir.
> 
> **Pentan:** [pause] You got me there!

**Peter:** Uh, while you guys are debating this, Jerry’s walked over to Cloakie, and he’s, like, doing all sorts of medicine checks on him, to get him back up to full health.

> **Jerry:** What the hell are you doing here?
> 
> **Cloakie:** What, not happy to see me?

**Bruce:** Oh! They know one another!

**Tony:** Do any of us notice this?

**Peter:** You all can, if you want to roll perception checks.

[collective dice rolling]

**Tony:** I got a 15.

**Bruce:** Mine was only a 7.

**Ned:** [muffled] 11.

**Peter:** Whoa, where’s your mic, buddy?

**Bruce:** He dropped his d6 on the floor.

**Peter:** Okay, so, Tony’s really the only one close enough to them to hear this conversation, because it was kinda spoken under their breaths, so that they wouldn’t attract attention, but Ned, you see Jerry healing this man who started a fight that… ended in the deaths of five individuals.

> **Jak:** Jerry, what the hell are you doing? He’s one of the criminals!
> 
> **Jerry:** W-we don’t want him to die before he stands trial, right?

**Bruce:** Ooh, good recovery.

**Ned:** Does he have to roll a deception check against me?

**Peter:** Uh… yeah, sure. What’s your modifier?

**Ned:** Plus 1.

**Peter:** ‘kay. [dice rolling] Uh, Jerry got a sixteen.

**Ned:** Damn, I only got a ten.

**Peter:** Right, so, Jerry doesn’t seem to be bullshitting you, and he makes a show of spinning Cloakie around once he’s healed him most of the way back to full HP, and like, manacling his hands together.

> **Jerry:** By my rights as a Quora City Watchman, I put you under arrest for murder.
> 
> **Cloakie:** Seems a little extreme, doesn’t it?
> 
> **Jak** : Are you kidding, guy?
> 
> **Cloakie:** Uh, no?
> 
> **Stony:** This entire mess is your fault! You started the fight, forced us to finish it -
> 
> **Cloakie:** Actually, I’m pretty sure that I finished it.
> 
> **Jerry:** _Actually_ , I’m pretty sure that _I_ finished it.
> 
> **Pentan:** Whoever finished it, the point stands that _he_ started it, and we wouldn’t have had to do anything to defend ourselves if he hadn’t. The point stands that _we_ don’t deserve to get taken in, too.
> 
> **Stony:** Yeah, so uh, since… _we’re_ not in trouble, meaning me and-and Robes, here, I guess we’ll be on our way?

**Tony:** And I’m gonna, like, wave my hand subtly at Bruce, to like, try to convince him to follow me, as I start to creep towards the door.

**Peter:** Okay. Uh, Doc? Ned? What’re you -

**Ned:** I’m going to walk around the end of the bar, and casually stand in front of the entrance to the tavern, with like, my arms crossed.

**Peter:** Oh, to make yourself look imposing?

**Ned:** Imposing as hell, yeah.

**Bruce:** And, as such, I am going to, like, try to move towards the stairs, to see if I can escape away up them to get back to my room.

**Peter:** Okay. Uh, the bartender is, obviously, pretty - pretty upset that y’all have like, turned the place into a warzone, and she uh… crap, I didn’t… I didn’t prepare for a scenario in which she was still alive, so this is gonna be interesting.

**Ned:** You should’ve _known_ that the _city watchman_ was going to defend the helpless citizen!

**Peter:** I guess I should’ve known that, yeah. Uh, so, anyway, she’s pissed, and she’s, she’s actually going to look at _you_ , Jak, and say,

> **Bartender:** Clean this mess up, or I’m reporting _all_ of you to the watch captain!

**Tony:** Shit, there’s a _captain_?

**Peter:** Apparently.

**Ned:** Okay, I’m gonna, uh, I’m gonna hold up my hands, and like, try to calm her down.

> **Jak:** I understand that you must be upset, ma’am -
> 
> **Bartender:** Oh, you haven’t even seen upset, _watchman._
> 
> **Jak:** We’re going to take care of cleanup, I promise, but first, I need to deal with these criminals.
> 
> **Pentan:** Pointing out again, I’m not… not a criminal. I… it was self-defense, and any injuries sustained in my search for self defense were, uh, collateral damage.
> 
> **Stony:** Yeah, and if memory serves correctly, I didn’t attack anybody who hadn’t already swung at someone else, so, I think I’m pretty much in the clear.

**Peter:** Uh, Cloakie’s gonna, uh, kinda shrug off Jerry’s hands, which are holding his arms, and he’s gonna walk over to where you’re standing, Jak, and he says,

> **Cloakie:** All right, listen, this is definitely my fault, and I am willing to take full responsibility for the things that occurred here, this evening.

**Peter:** And he looks over at the bartender and continues,

> **Cloakie:** I am sorry about the mess, miss. If things had gone the way I wanted them too, it would be much more confined, I promise.

**Peter:** And the bartender just kinda snorts, and starts to clean off the mugs that are still sitting on the bar itself, and it’s very obvious that she’s done talking to all of you, at least until the bar get cleaned up.

**Ned:** Okay. Uh… [sigh] So, we should probably clean this mess up.

**Tony:** Yeah? And what are we supposed to do with five bodies?

**Ned:** Well, I don’t know, but my goals are, currently, to clean up this main floor of the tavern, and then to take Cloakie off to jail, so, I don’t know about the rest of you.

**Bruce:** All right, uh, I’m gonna, like, shuffle over to where Stony’s standing, and like, speak to him quietly off to the side of the room, so that none of the others can hear.

**Peter:** ‘kay.

> **Stony:** Wh-what are you doing? Let go of my arm.
> 
> **Pentan:** Shh! I’m trying to be discreet.
> 
> **Stony:** By grabbing my arm and dragging me to the side of the room?

[Ned snickering]

> **Pentan:** No, just, listen to what I have to say. I think… I think we should try to help this guy out.
> 
> **Stony:** Which guy?
> 
> **Pentan:** Cloak boy, obviously. He’s taking the rap for us; the least we can do is like, follow them to wherever they take him, and like, see if there’s anyway we can help. Maybe if they put him on trial we can be witnesses, and say that he was just acting in preemptive defense?

**Tony:** I’m not gonna lie, I thought you were suggesting we break him out.

**Bruce:** Is - is that Stony talking, or is it you?

**Tony:** It’s me.

**Peter:** [cough] Character voice.

**Tony:** [cough] Bite my ass. [Bruce laughing] Yeah, but, are you seriously just suggesting we stand up for him in court?

**Bruce:** Yeah, I mean, I don’t think my character would willingly break someone out of prison.

**Ned:** Uh, DM, can I roll a perception check, to see if I can hear this conversation, or if I notice it happening?

**Peter:** Uh, yeah, sure. Are you… are you currently, like, dragging all the dead bodies together?

**Ned:** Yeah, I am, just to like, get them all in one place.

**Peter:** Okay, cool. Uh, go ahead and roll perception. [dice rolling] Doc, Mr. Stark? Are you helping him in anyway?

**Tony:** I’ll, uh, kick Kel’s sword towards the pile of bodies that he’s forming.

**Peter:** I’m sure he appreciates that.

**Ned:** I only rolled a 7.

**Peter:** Yeah, I doubt… that does it. Uh, Doc, do you wanna contest that? Just to make it fair, since you were the one to start the whispered convo.

**Bruce:** Okay. [dice rolling] Hah, so, funny story.

[Ned laughing]

**Bruce:** It was only a 3.

**Peter:** [grinning] Guess you’re lucky you only suggested standing up for him in court, after all!

**Ned:** Yeah, so, I catch ‘em?

**Peter:** Definitely.

> **Jak:** That’s a nice offer, Robes, but uh, our boy Cloak over there isn’t gonna get a trial, especially with two eyewitnesses attesting to his blatant murder of two different people, and his indirect assistance in the deaths of three others.
> 
> **Pentan:** Oh, well, it was nice knowing ya, Cloak!

[Tony laughing]

**Bruce:** I sort of wave at him, and then head, head for the stairs.

> **Jak:** [ Stop right there, criminal scum! ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCsMKypvmB0)

[Peter laughing very hard]

> **Jak:** You’re not going anywhere just yet. I’m only letting you go if the barkeep says that she doesn’t mind that she was collateral damage in one of your spells.

**Bruce:** Ah, dammit. She thinks I smell bad. She… she is not going to hesitate in throwing my ass in prison.

**Peter:** Uh, actually, she just seems kind of… exhausted? Like, she has… lost and been given back quite a bit of her health, in a very short period of time, and her tavern is a mess, and she just… she just wants to be able to close early and head to bed.

So she, she kind of looks at you, Pentan, and then she looks at Stony, before she sighs in a sort of resigned way and looks at Jak and says,

> **Bartender:** No, he’s… the wizard is fine. Just… I want you out of my inn.

**Peter:** Uh, this she says to you, Pentan.

**Bruce:** And I’ll reply, very graciously,

> **Pentan:** Thank you, m’lady.

**Bruce:** And then I’ll like, bow to her a little bit.

**Peter:** Cool, so, you all… you all work together, to kind of, get these bodies shuffled together, and then you kind of have to figure out what to do with them, and Jerry suggests that you just, take them into the Watch’s barracks.

**Ned:** Well, we _could_ , but also that’s… a lot of work? Like, there are five of these dudes, and they’re… I’m guessing they’re all pretty hefty?

**Peter:** Yeah, they all weigh more than Pentan does, for sure.

> **Pentan** : I’m a little guy.

[Ned snorts]

**Peter:** So, uh… I guess you need to talk out what you plan on doing with the bodies. Do you want to cart them off to the Watch, as like, proof of Cloakie’s murder prowess, or do you want to do something completely different with them?

**Tony:** Uh, I’m just gonna say something, out of character, here, and point out that… we have this huge ass fireplace, right?

**Bruce:** Oh, God.

**Tony:** DM? Could… I don’t know, a body or two or _five_ fit in this fireplace?

**Peter:** Uh, yeah, I mean, probably? It’s… it’s pretty big. You could maybe stick three bodies in there at one time? But uh… you know that it takes a _lot_ of heat to burn bodies completely, right?

**Ned:** And that there are two city watchmen in this tavern with you?

**Tony:** It’s just a suggestion!

**Ned:** Okay, I’m gonna look at Jerry, who I’m assuming has kept an eye on Cloakie throughout all this, right?

**Peter:** Oh, yeah, he’s… he’s standing vigilant next to the table that Cloak was originally sitting at, and where he is currently sitting again, just like, glaring at him.

**Ned:** Cool, I’m gonna say to Jerry,

> **Jak:** What do you think we should do with these bodies?
> 
> **Jerry:** I mean, protocol would suggest we bring ‘em to the captain, along with the guy who did it.
> 
> **Jak:** Yeah, I suppose so, just… I’m worried about these two.

**Ned:** And I gesture to Stony and Pentan.

> **Pentan:** Oh, shit, my dude, you don’t have to worry about any noise coming from me. I’m gonna pack up my crap and get right the hell out of this city.
> 
> **Stony:** Yeah, and I already did my performance here, and like, the pay wasn’t _that_ great, so I think I’m about ready to head out of town, again, too.

**Peter:** And Jerry actually says, uh,

> **Jerry:** Oh, uh, you’re actually not gonna be allowed to leave town until this mess gets cleaned up.

**Peter:** Which, Jak, you know is… not necessarily true, because technically there won’t be anything to clean up once you go to the captain and tell them that Cloakie was responsible for these five deaths, but uh, it’s up to you if you want to say anything about Jerry’s statement.

**Ned:** I… I don’t think Jak would, because Jerry’s obviously, like, my bro, right? We’re on the watch together, we’re buddies.

**Peter:** Yeah, you’re… you’ve been friends since Jerry joined the watch, because he’s younger than you, and you kind of took him under your wing, almost.

**Ned:** Ah, shit, then, yeah, I definitely don’t say anything to counter his statement. In fact, I actually, like, turn to the other boys, and say,

> **Jak:** Yeah, he’s right. You’re gonna need to stick around until someone give you permission to go. Technically, after all, you guys were witnesses.
> 
> **Stony:** What does that matter, if there’s not gonna be a trial for this guy?
> 
> **Jak:** Well, the captain might call you in, just to check and make sure that what we tell him about what went down here tonight it the truth.

**Ned:** Uh, can I roll an insight check, just to like, see how Jerry’s responding to what I’m saying, and like, if he… if he means to do good by choosing to keep them in the city?

**Peter:** Yeah, go for it. And, also, the other two, you can roll perception or insight just to see if, like, Jerry and Jak are being legit, too.

**Bruce:** I feel like we’re _supposed_ to believe them.

**Peter:** Well, you’re not _supposed_ to do anything. This is D &D. Choose your own adventure, to the extent the DM lets you. 

**Bruce:** I’m not gonna roll.

**Tony:** I will, I guess, but if I find something out, I’ll keep it to myself.

**Peter:** Okay. Ned, do you have that insight?

**Ned:** It was a 12.

**Peter:** Okay. With that roll… you can see that Jerry’s kind of… shifting his weight back and forth between his feet, but just a little, and his eyes keep darting back over to where Cloakie’s sitting at the table, even though he was watching your interaction with the boys, and you see him, uh, relax a little, when he realizes that you aren’t arguing with what he said, but you can’t… you can’t discern what he actually intends by telling them they can’t leave the city.

**Tony:** I rolled a 17.

**Peter:** Jesus. All right, you uh… you can definitely tell that there’s something shifty going on, and that both of these, uh, city watchmen are in on it, and you… you actually notice that there’s like… there’s kind of a smirk on Cloakie’s face? Like he’s in on some kind of joke that you didn’t hear? And you know that you definitely don’t have to stay in the city.

**Tony:** Okay.

**Peter:** Uh, anyway, the bartender, she’s gonna kinda look up from where she’s washing down the bar with a rag, and she says,

> **Bartender:** Are you gonna get those bodies out of here or not?
> 
> **Jak:** Yes, we’re - we’re going, sorry, ma’am. Uh, Jerry, will you stay here, and keep an eye on things, while I go… go get some other watchmen to help?

**Peter:** And you see Jerry shift his position again, and he stands up a little straighter, his chin raising, and he looks a bit more sure of himself now as he nods his agreement and goes,

> **Jerry:** Yeah, you got it.
> 
> **Jak:** Great.

**Ned:** And I guess I… I leave the tavern? To go find some other city watchmen to help us get these bodies out of there.

**Peter:** Right, and, uh, shortly after _you_ leave, the bartender, uh, she goes into the back, the kitchen area, probably to get like, a mop or something, to clean the bloodstains off the floor.

And Jerry, he - he turns to Cloakie, and starts to undo the manacles that are holding his wrists behind his back, and he mutters,

> **Jerry:** You’re gonna get me in so much trouble for this.
> 
> **Cloakie:** Eh, not if you take advantage of your resources.
> 
> **Stony:** Sorry, are you… are you _letting him go?_

**Peter:** And Jerry turns to look at you while Cloakie kinda rubs at his wrists, and rotates his shoulders, and he says,

> **Jerry:** Yeah, I… I have to. I’m really sorry.
> 
> **Cloakie:** I’m not.

**Peter:** And then Cloakie grabs Jerry, by like, the top of his chainmail, and he pulls him in for a very, _very_ quick kiss, and then he’s… he’s fuckin’ gone, out the front door of the inn and into the streets of Quora.

**Bruce:** Shit.

**Peter:** Uh, yeah, and -

**Tony:** Can I like, make a break for it, too? Like run out the door as soon as I realize what’s happening?

**Peter:** Uh… yeah, sure. You, you hurry towards the door, like, five seconds after Cloakie leaves, and you basically run into the chest of Jak -

**Ned:** [crosstalk] Yes.

**Peter:** \- because he has returned, with three other watchmen.

**Ned:** And I look around, and immediately notice that Cloak’s gone, and I look at Jerry, kinda dumbstruck, and I go,

> **Jak:** What the hell happened?

**Peter:** And Jerry, he, he makes a show of like, blinking his eyes, rapidly, and like, holding a hand up to his jaw, and then he points at, the other two, Pentan and Stony, and he says,

> **Jerry:** Those two let him go.

[Mixed noises of protest from Bruce and Tony]

**Peter:** Uh… and it’s up to you, Ned, to decide who you want to believe.

**Ned:** … well shit.

~ END OF TRANSMISSION - LOGGED AUGUST 13th ~


	3. Chapter 1 - Session 2 - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this session, we'll see the introduction of a new character run by a popular MCU character because I thought the story would attract more attention with his presence. Also, Steve has never been to Walmart, apparently, and everyone hates him for it. Surely nothing will happen where It Gets Worse!

~ START OF TRANSMISSION - AVENGERS COMPOUND - AUGUST 18th ~

 **Peter:** And we’re back! With - with a new addition.

 **Steve:** I am here.

 **Tony:** Against his will.

 **Steve:** That is not true. Against _your_ will, maybe.

 **Peter:** He is here to, uh… he’s got a character, and he wants to play, and so he’s allowed to play, because we don’t kick anybody who wants to D&D out of the D&D group, do we, boys?

 **Ned:** I don’t! Hi, Captain America!

 **Steve:** [low, tough voice] Citizen.

 **Ned:** God, that’s so _cool_.

 **Bruce:** I think Cap will be a much needed addition to our group, because uh, from what happened last week, things did not go well for us.

 **Peter:** Yeah, that’s… that’s exactly why I invited him.

 **Tony:** What, that cool Cloak guy wasn’t a permanent addition to our squad?

 **Ned:** [crosstalk] He was set free by his boyfriend.

 **Bruce:** [crosstalk] Jerry let him go!

 **Tony:** Oh, right. Shit! I forgot that we were dealing with that. Damn. Dammit, Jerry.

 **Peter:** So, uh, since… since Cap wasn’t here, uh, last week, we’re gonna give him a second to introduce his character, who he’s choosing to play as, and then we’ll integrate him into the narrative that we’ve set up, so that he has a place. Cool?

 **Ned:** Quickly. I have plans for the two idiots.

 **Bruce:** Uh -

 **Tony:** [interrupting] You better hope that’s Jak saying that about our characters, because otherwise I will revoke your clearance to the compound, Leeds.

 **Ned:** Of course it’s Jak talking about your characters. I wouldn’t say that about you guys; you’re geniuses.

 **Tony:** Ass kisser, but all right.

 **Peter:** [grinning] Uh, Captain? Do you wanna talk, now?

 **Steve:** Sure! I am playing as a human fighter named Gray Wakefield. My backstory is that I am part of a mercenary group, via which I met your pal with the cloak, and I’m actually, like, kinda close friends with him.

 **Peter:** Right, which sets up the narrative of Gray Wakefield coming to Quora to try and find Cloakie, when he doesn’t return to the mercenary group.

 **Ned:** Oh, sick.

 **Peter:** Yeah, so, right now, uh, we’re just gonna pick up from where we left off, which means that we’ll introduce Gray in a bit, but uh… for now, Jak.

> **Jak:** Yes!

**Peter:** You need to decide what you’re gonna do with this mage and this bard, who, according to your trusted friend and protege, Jerry, uh, helped to free a man that you were planning on charging with five murders. You’ve returned to the tavern where the fight went down, the Bookmark, and we’ll say that the watchmen friends that you brought with you have cleared the tavern of the bodies, so now it’s just you, with Loki and Pentan, and Jerry.

 **Steve:** Loki?

 **Peter:** Yeah, uh, Mr. Stark’s character has a stupid name that I refuse to speak aloud, so I’ve been calling him Loki, because that’s basically who his character is.

 **Tony:** That is a lie and you will burn in purgatory for it.

 **Peter:** Oh! Wait, wait, wait! Hold on. I totally forgot that I wanted to level you guys up to two, after that fight. I know you didn’t really do much, but I, like I said, level 1 sucks. Things’ll go much slower, after this initial leveling up, but for now, let’s get everyone out of Level 1 Hell, uh, Cap included.

So, for each even number level up, you guys get to add two points to your six… uh, saving throws? So you have strength, intelligence, dex, all that, and you can either add those two points to one of them, or you can add one point to two of them, and that’ll help, uh, with checks and stuff as the… as things progress. I should thank [_The Adventure Zone_ Podcast](http://www.maximumfun.org/shows/adventure-zone) for this system, because I’m messing with the level up rules of 5E a bit with this method, but I heard it on the internet so it must be fine!

And everything else will follow the handbook for 5E, like with spells and perks and stuff. So, who wants to go first, just so I can, like, mark it all on the copies of your sheets that I have with me?

 **Bruce:** Uh… I will, I guess, since I already have it all written down, thanks to Ned.

 **Peter:** Oh, great. Thank you, Ned.

 **Ned:** [crosstalk] Mhm.

 **Bruce:** [crosstalk] Uh… I’m gonna put both points into wisdom, because that kinda messed up my game, last time, and my health is now at 16 HP instead of… whatever it was before, 8, I think? And then…

 **Peter:** You uh, you get to pick which class that you’re gonna focus on, with your magic.

 **Bruce:** Right, right, and I chose evocation, which is destructive magic -

 **Peter:** Cool.

 **Bruce:** … and I also get a new spell slot, and I can cast level two spells.  

 **Peter:** Yep, that sounds about right. Okay. Uh, who’s next?

 **Ned:** Me.

 **Peter:** ‘kay.

 **Ned:** Jak Bennet, paladin level 2! Uh, up to 20 hit points, so good for me. I’m gonna… I’m gonna put one of my points into wisdom, and then put the other into intelligence. And then I learned… a thing… a fighting style, and I chose Great Weapon Fighting, which means if I roll a 1 or a 2 on a damage roll, I get to reroll.

 **Peter:** Oh, nice!

 **Tony:** Are you gonna be our tank? Like, just, taking hits for us and stuff?

 **Ned:** I mean… I can be? I don’t want to be, but -

 **Peter:** And you can deal radiant damage to things that you hit, now, too, right? By using up a spell slot?

 **Bruce:** _You_ get to cast spells, too?

 **Ned:** Paladin, baby. I’m cool. I’m like a fighting cleric. Uh, yeah. I have 2 spell slots.

 **Peter:** All right, cool. Uh, Mr. Stark?

 **Tony:** [inhale] The life of a level 2 bard -

 **Peter:** [muttered] Geez.

 **Tony:** \- is a lame one. Uh, yeah, not much happened for me, here. I have 18 HP, and I’m putting my points into wisdom so that I don’t have a negative one modifier. I get to learn a new spell, which doesn’t apply to me, and… I get a new spell slot, which is also lame. So - oh, I also have a thing called Song of Rest, which means during a short rest I can play a song, and heal you guys for 1d6 hit points.

[General sounds of approval.]

 **Peter:** Uh, okay. Captain!

 **Steve:** I am… I put my two points into dexterity, because currently I don’t have any modifier. I have 20 HP, and I also got to choose a fighting style, and I chose defense, which means I can use my shield to protect someone nearby who gets hit by an attack. It gives the attacker disadvantage.

 **Bruce:** What a Captain America thing, protecting people with a shield. Of course that’s your fighting style.

 **Steve:** … I didn’t… I didn’t even notice that, if I’m being honest, and now I sort of want to change my decision.

 **Peter:** No, too late. But it’s cool, it’s like a call out of who’s - who’s playing as Gray. I think it’s fine.

Okay, so, we’re all leveled up, now, which is cool. Uh, which means we’re back to where I said we were, and Ned, you’re up.

 **Ned:** ‘Kay. Well, first, I tie up, or I guess, put manacles on? Stony and Pentan.

 **Bruce:** I comply willingly, I guess.

 **Tony:** I do not!

 **Peter:** Okay.

 **Tony:** I want to talk my way out of this, because it is bullshit that we should take the rap for letting that guy go when it was that other watch dude.

 **Peter:** Uh, okay, that means you’re just gonna be doing, like, charisma contests with Ned until one of you gives in to the other, so -

 **Tony:** [interrupting] I don’t need to contest. Not if I’m telling the truth. Right?

 **Peter:** [beat] Yeah, I think - that’s actually how it works. If you’re telling the truth, you just have to beat his own charisma score. Sorry.

 **Tony:** My modifier is a plus three, and I have proficiency in like, three of those checks, so, yeah, he’s in a lot of trouble.

 **Ned:** [quietly] We’ll see.

[Steve chortling]

 **Bruce:** Cap - I’m in the same room as Steve, and he is just, loving this.

 **Steve:** I don’t even get to play yet, and I’m having a great time. Thank you, Peter.

 **Peter:** [grinning] You’re welcome. So, uh, okay, if we do this, I want you to actually act it out, not just - not just roll. It needs to be an actual, like, conversation between the two of you. Uh, you actually have a few options, here, Mr. Stark. Do you… you get that, right?

 **Tony:** Yes?

 **Peter:** I just - there are multiple charisma checks you can do, like, deception, and intimidation, and you have _performance_ , and then there’s persuasion. So there’s plenty of things that you can choose do to, there’s plenty of routes that you can take.

 **Tony:** Oh, yeah, okay, I see what you’re saying. Uh… all right, cool. So I just… what, do I have to beat his charisma score?

 **Peter:** Say what you’re going to say, first, and then roll.

 **Tony:** Fine.

> **Stony:** Listen, watchman, I don’t know what you think you plan on doing with those manacles, but they are not coming anywhere near my wrists, because _hate to break this to ya_ , but me and Robes did _not_ let that guy go.

**Tony:** And I point at what’s-his-face -

 **Bruce:** Jerry?

 **Tony:** I point at Jerry.

> **Stony:** It was _all him_.

**Peter:** ‘kay. And… I’m gonna actually give you advantage on this roll that you’re about to make, because that… that was the truth, what you just said, and I feel like that would have an affect on Ned’s character.

 **Ned:** [begrudgingly] Yeah, it probably would.

 **Peter:** So, yeah, go ahead and roll… what, your persuasion check?

 **Tony:** Yep. [dice roll] 18!

 **Peter:** Ned? I’m assuming that beats your charisma score?

 **Ned:** Uh, yeah, my dude, it beats it by fuckin’ six.

 **Peter:** Ah, good. Love… when the narrative gets completely effed by a roll of the dice. Uh, okay, so… Loki’s telling the truth, and you can tell, and you… completely believe him, which means… you now have Jerry to deal with.

And he’s kinda freaking out? Like, you can tell that he’s going nuts, just by looking at him, that’s how close you are. So… what you decide to do, now, is kinda… kinda important. Are you gonna take Jerry in, for letting the murderer go, are you still going to put the blame on this wizard and bard? You kind of have a lot of choices, but then again, there are three other people in this room with you that can make things difficult, so I’d think hard.

 **Ned:** I feel like… there’s a choice I’m supposed to make, and it’s messing with me -

 **Peter:** [interrupting] No, never. I’d never force a decision on you to suit the story that I want to write. It’s completely up to you, what the three of you choose to do here.

 **Tony:** Well, I’m tired of just, like, standing here, so I’m gonna head towards the door of the tavern.

 **Peter:** Oh, good, perfect time to introduce Cap’s character.

 **Tony:** Wait, what?

 **Peter:** Yeah, so, you start to leave the tavern, and as you open the door, uh, someone comes in from the other side, and you run into one another.

 **Bruce:** Geez, Tony, why do you keep running into people?

 **Tony:** I don’t know. Maybe we should ask the _DM_.

 **Peter:** Uh, yeah, anyway, Gray.

 **Steve:** Sir.

 **Peter:** Uhm, you made your way into the city of Quora, knowing that your pal was heading this way to grab a few things for himself, and you start to get concerned, because he hasn’t come back, and it’s been, like, five hours. So, you go looking for him, and the first place you stop is, obviously, this tavern, because you know that Arlo is a drinker, and uh -

 **Tony:** Who? Did you just say _Arlo_?

 **Peter:** Oh, shit. I hadn’t given Cloakie a name before now, huh? Yeah, well, his name is Arlo Garrick, but only Steve’s character knows that. Because they’re part of the same band of mercenaries, and they’re best buds.

 **Bruce:** Does Steve’s character know that this Arlo guy and Jerry are close, too?

 **Peter:** Hm.

 **Bruce:** Just, like, if they’re friends, it seems like something that Arlo would tell him.

 **Ned:** Or not. But maybe. He didn’t seem like a very conservative guy.

 **Peter:** He’s not, so… yeah, I’m gonna say that you probably know about his relationship with one of the Quora city watchmen, Gray, but you don’t know which one it is.

 **Steve:** Got it.

 **Peter:** So, you head to the tavern, because Arlo’s one to get his drink on whenever he can, and you almost run over this… guy, who is quite a bit smaller than you, stature-wise, as you try to enter the building.

> **Stony:** Whoa, what the hell, dude?
> 
> **Gray:** [with a Cockney accent] Sorry, sorry. I didn’t know you were coming out.

[Snickering from multiple people.]

 **Tony:** You gonna be able to keep that voice going the entire campaign, Cap?

 **Steve:** At least I have a voice.

 **Ned:** [muffled] Call out post.

 **Steve:** And, Pete, you need to work on your Brooklyn, bud.

 **Peter:** Yeah, I… I’m not going to be doing that again.

> **Jak:** Oh, not another one.
> 
> **Gray:** Hi. Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt, or anything. I’m just looking for someone, and I thought I might find him here, maybe.
> 
> **Pentan:** Nobody here but us, dude. And that guy that was let go about five minutes ago.

**Peter:** It has definitely been longer than five minutes. The city watchmen had to drag the bodies out of the tavern!

 **Bruce:** Does it really matter?

 **Peter:** [resigned] I guess not.

> **Gray:** Huh. Okay. Do you - uh, could you tell me what he looked like?

**Tony:** What _did_ he look like, Spider-Man?

 **Peter:** I’m gonna say he was like, a mixture of [Patrick Swayze](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000664/), and like, I don’t know, [that dude that plays Kili](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm2636108/) in _The Hobbit_.

 **Ned:** [ Oh no, he’s hot! ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ba9_jaN7EA)

**Peter:** Yeah, uh, Jerry is very lucky. _And_ he sounds like Thor.

 **Tony:** No wonder Jerry let him go, good God.

> **Stony:** Uh, he was… kinda tall? Dark haired, not a great nose, but uh, he made up for it in other ways.

[Laughter]

 **Ned:** With his extremely chivalrous personality and killer one-liners.

> **Pentan:** And he was wearing a cloak.
> 
> **Gray:** [sighs] That sounds like him. Any idea where he went?
> 
> **Jak:** Why do you need to know?

**Gray:** Uh… no reason?

 **Peter:** Sorry, Cap, that ain’t gonna fly.

 **Steve:** I didn’t think so. I don’t… I don’t really _want_ to lie to them, though.

 **Peter:** Maybe _you_ don’t, but what about your character?

 **Tony:** Yeah. He’s a mercenary. He’s probably got no qualms with lying to people.

 **Steve:** But I want to know where Arlo went, and if I _lie_ , I probably won’t get any information, right? Why would they tell me what happened to him if I lie, and pretend I don’t really have a reason for wanting to know?

 **Bruce:** Pretend he owes you money!

 **Tony:** Yeah.

 **Ned:** That’s a pretty good idea.

 **Steve:** Uh… it _is_ a good idea, but I’ll feel bad if I take it, because I should’ve come up with something myself.

 **Peter:** Make a choice.

 **Steve:** Okay, okay. Uh.

> **Gray:** I’m… he kinda walked out on my sister, and I’m looking for him, so that I can beat him up.

[Laughter]

 **Peter:** Jerry just, like, immediately goes pale.

[Tony snickering]

 **Peter:** Uh, you’ll need to roll deception, see if you can beat their charisma scores.

 **Steve:** Right. [dice roll] Oh. Uh… it’s not great!

 **Bruce:** [Cackling] It’s only 3! That’s doesn’t beat _anybody’s_ score!

 **Peter:** Yeah, uh… your lie sucks, basically everyone in this room knows that Arlo is gay as shit, and even Jak, who _doesn’t_ know that, definitely can tell that you don’t have a sister that he walked out on.

 **Steve:** Crap.

 **Peter:** So, uh, rectify the situation.

> **Gray:** All right, all right, I’ll be honest. Uh… he’s part of a group with me, and he came into Quora earlier today, and we haven’t seen him since. I was just… I came looking for him, because I’m a little concerned.
> 
> **Jak:** Well, hate to break it to you, but your pal’s kind of in trouble.
> 
> **Gray:** What sort of trouble?
> 
> **Stony:** He killed five people.
> 
> **Pentan:** Basically. He was the cause of their deaths.
> 
> **Gray:** I should’ve… dammit. I knew something like this would happen. He has really bad impulse control.
> 
> **Jak:** Whatever his problem is, he’s in trouble, and we gotta figure out where the hell he went.
> 
> **Gray:** And when you do?
> 
> **Jak:** He’ll be put under arrest. Killed, probably via beheading. It was five people.
> 
> **Stony:** And we can all attest to that!
> 
> **Jerry:** Uh, Jak?
> 
> **Jak:** You’re in a lot of trouble.
> 
> **Jerry:** I know that, and I’m sorry, I just… I had to let him go. He’s really important to me, and I just -
> 
> **Jak:** You just created a lot of problems for me, is what you did. What am I supposed to tell the captain?
> 
> **Jerry:** That we’ll be able to find him!
> 
> **Stony:** Wait, I already don’t like where this is going.

**Peter:** Dang it, Mr. Stark. Please adopt some sort of character voice. I am begging you.

 **Tony:** No.

 **Bruce:** It would really make things a lot easier if we could tell whether or not it was you talking.

 **Tony:** But what’s the fun of that? Besides, I’m testing FRIDAY’s intelligence by not using a character voice, to see if she can distinguish between myself and Stony. So far, she’s done a pretty good job, meaning she’s smarter than all of you.

 **Peter:** Great, then, so you proved your point. Now you have no reason not to use a character voice. Make him British, Australian, _something_.

 **Tony:** Britain and Australia don’t exist in this world, do they?

 **Ned:** Fantasy Britain and Fantasy Australia do.

 **Bruce:** We also have Fantasy Starbucks and Fantasy Walmart.

 **Peter:** [ Fantasy Costco](http://theadventurezone.wikia.com/wiki/Fantasy_Costco). I don’t think I’ve ever been in a Costco.

 **Ned:** It’s too expensive. My mom says that a membership is like, ten dollars a month or something, and then everything there is overpriced.

 **Peter:** We should go.

 **Steve:** I’ve never been to Walmart.

[Loud exclamations of disbelief and frustration.]

 **Tony:** [interrupting] Fine! I’ll… try to use a character voice, but I don’t want anyone yelling at me if it changes.

 **Peter:** It’s fine, just differentiate between you and your character in some way.

> **Stony:** [Australian accent] How’s this?

[Mixed noises of relief and ‘Thank God’]

 **Tony:** Assholes.

 **Steve:** [quietly] Why did everyone respond so violently to me never having been to Walmart?

> **Jak:** What do you mean, we’ll find him?
> 
> **Jerry:** Exactly what I said. We can go looking for him. He won’t be hard to find, especially if we head out right now. We have his friend, here. You’ll be able to track him down, won’t you?

**Peter:** Uh, Jerry says this to you, Gray.

> **Gray:** Probably? I’m sure he’ll just head back to the group. But I don’t… I don’t think I can willingly help you guys arrest my friend.
> 
> **Jak:** I guess you’ll want to make some kind of deal, then.
> 
> **Gray:** Yeah, I mean, I’m not gonna help you find him, just so that you can kill him. Isn’t there something else we can do? Who are these people that he killed?
> 
> **Pentan:** Thugs. They showed up here, wanted to claim the inn to themselves for the night.
> 
> **Gray:** Oh, so these were bad guys, then.

> **Jak:** Admittedly, yes, they were, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that all five of them are dead now because of your friend.
> 
> **Stony:** Lemme step in ‘ere real quick, just to, uh, help clear some things up. So, the problem is that tough guy here doesn’t want to help catch the dude because he’s his friend, and he knows what fate awaits him once he’s caught and brought in. But, he’s willing to cut a deal, on his pal’s behalf, and _then_ help you find him. I say you start talkin’ terms.
> 
> **Jak:** [sighs] All right, fine. What, uh - what are your conditions?
> 
> **Gray:** That he not be killed? Maybe he could stand trial.
> 
> **Pentan:** Don’t think they do that here, bud.
> 
> **Jak:** We’d need to talk it over with the captain of the watch. He’s kinda… well, he’s not the head of the city as well, but everything has to go through him before it goes any higher.
> 
> **Jerry:** We can’t really do anything until we find him.
> 
> **Stony:** Yeah, and uh, I don’t really want to be part of that, so -
> 
> **Jak:** But you’re going to be, because it’ll be your way of getting out of also getting in trouble for what went down here tonight.
> 
> **Stony:** You can’t do that.
> 
> **Jak:** I’d think you’d be grateful for this get of of jail free card I’m handing you. I could always just take the two of you in to the captain, say you were the ones who killed those people.
> 
> **Pentan:** That doesn’t seem like a very lawful good thing to do.

[Snickering]

> **Gray:** The help would be appreciated.
> 
> **Stony:** I’m not going to go traipsing all over the country looking for some guy!
> 
> **Jak:** Fine, then I’ll take you in. Hold out your wrists.

**Tony:** [whining] DM…

 **Peter:** What? I’m letting this play out. I told you guys that you can make your own choices; if Ned wants to turn you in the for the murders, I’m not going to stop him.

 **Tony:** But it’s against his character!

 **Ned:** Says who? Jak has no reason to not lock you up, especially since you were responsible for at least one of the deaths of the dudes. Besides, even if you’re locked up, that doesn’t mean we can’t still go looking for the other guy.

 **Steve:** I think, the easiest thing here, would be for everybody to just agree to look for Arlo, since… he’s probably the only one who’s actually going to deal with any repercussions if we find him, right?

 **Bruce:** Weren’t you just saying that you don’t want to hand him over because he’s your friend?

 **Steve:** Yeah, but that’s _my_ character. If all else fails, we can just break off and run away at the first sign of trouble, it’s no big deal.

 **Tony:** You’re pretty familiar with that sort of thing, huh?

 **Steve:** Don’t start.

 **Tony:** I wasn’t going to.

 **Peter:** Okay, uh, let’s not… this is fun, lighthearted D&D time, boys.

 **Bruce:** Yeah.

 **Pentan:** Uh, I think it’s probably a good idea for us to just go along with this, Stony.

 **Bruce:** Wait, do I know Stony’s name?

 **Peter:** Eh.

 **Tony:** Introductions are lame.

 **Peter:** Yeah, we’ll just… we’ll just say that everyone knows one another’s names. Except for Arlo, because I don’t think Gray’s mentioned his name to anyone, yet. Neither has Jerry.

> **Stony:** [sighing] All right, who is this guy we’re looking for? What’s his name?
> 
> **Jerry:** His name is Arlo Garrick. He’s… well, I met him a while ago, when I was on patrol. He - I don’t know. There was just something about him.
> 
> **Pentan:** His good looks?
> 
> **Jerry:** S-sure? And he… I don’t know. The way he talked. He seemed… smart? And there’s… nobody’s smart, y’know?
> 
> **Stony:** I mean -
> 
> **Pentan:** My entire livelihood is based on being smart.
> 
> **Jerry:** You know what I mean. I liked talking to him, liked hearing him talk, and I -
> 
> **Gray:** _Ohhh…_ so _you’re_ the one that he sneaks off to meet with whenever we’re near Quora!
> 
> **Jak:** What the hell are we talking about?
> 
> **Jerry:** He talks about me?
> 
> **Gray:** Doesn’t shut up about you, more like. Honestly, a person would think you’d hung the moon, or something equally ridiculous.

**Peter:** Jerry is… red as can be. He is… absolutely blushing. Uh, Jak, you… even though you have no idea what’s going on, it isn’t hard to put together, using the context of what Gray is saying, and how Jerry looks. You… it is very obvious that Jerry is in love with the man that you plan on charging with five murders.

 **Ned:** [sighing] You’re really making it hard for Jak to stay pissed at Jerry for letting him go, because Jak is a _huge_ romantic, growing up in a household where his parents were absolutely devoted to one another.

 **Peter:** That’s the end goal!

 **Ned:** Ughhh…

 **Bruce:** It probably doesn’t help that Jerry is like, your friend?

 **Ned:** I taught him everything he knows.

 **Tony:** [laughing] I like how Jerry probably wasn’t even a character that… like, he was probably going to be completely dispensable prior to the fight in the last session, but now he’s like, this pivotal person in the overall campaign.

 **Peter:** Well, no, there was always gonna be some person to take on the role of, like, Arlo’s love interest, I just had no idea who it was going to be. But then, Ned introduced Jerry has a character, and I was like, why not him? So, yeah. Go, Ned.

 **Ned:** Go me.

 **Peter:** Uh, anyway. Jerry kinda looks over at you, Jak, and he says:

> **Jerry:** I… I know I messed up, and I’m sorry. But I… I think I’m in love with the guy, so -
> 
> **Jak:** Aw, geez…
> 
> **Jerry:** It really wasn’t an option for me not to let him go. But… I know that he deserves some kind of justice, and so I’m… I’m not gonna stand in the way of finding him to do that, if that’s… if that’s truly want you want to do.

**Ned:** Jak is super struggling, right now. Like, he wants to go find Arlo, but it’s not even just to bring him to justice, anymore. Hearing that Jerry is in love with him, like… it just made everything ten times more difficult.

 **Peter:** But you’re definitely going to go looking for him.

 **Ned:** Oh, yeah. That - that wasn’t even a question, when the idea was first suggested.

 **Peter:** Cool. Uh, everybody else?

 **Steve:** Well, obviously Gray’s gonna go looking for him. I mean, he’s Gray’s best friend.

 **Peter:** Right.

 **Bruce:** And I guess this is a good opportunity for Pentan to get on the road again, do some more traveling in his search for knowledge. And if this keeps him out of a cell, too, then all the better.

 **Peter:** Exactly. Mr. Stark?

 **Tony:** … I sincerely feel like I’m being strong-armed into this situation, and I hate it, so much.

 **Peter:** I’m not gonna lie, like, most of the campaign if focused heavily on finding this guy, so like, if you decide not to go, I guess we can do like, a side-campaign for you, but what’s the fun of that?

 **Tony:** I guess I’ll go along with it, since Stony really doesn’t want to get put in prison again. But like, if we don’t find him, and there’s an opportunity for me to dip, I’m out.

 **Peter:** Fair enough. Okay.

Uh, Jerry looks around at all of you, and sort of sees varying expressions on your faces. Obviously, there’s like, resignation on Stony’s, and maybe, I don’t know, determination on Gray’s, but he sees that you all are going to be looking for his boyfriend, and he is… I wouldn’t say ecstatic, but… there’s sort of relief, there.

Even though he has no idea what’s going to happen to Arlo once you find him, or even if you are going to find him, he’s just… I think he’s good with the fact that his own neck isn’t getting broken because of this. At least, not yet.

> **Jerry:** Thank you, guys. I - uh - I probably shouldn’t go…
> 
> **Jak:** Yeah, no, you are staying here, because I don’t… I don’t necessarily trust you to not let him go again, or run away with him, whatever.
> 
> **Jerry:** [smiling] Fair enough.
> 
> **Jak:** So, crew, uh, I guess we’re going after a murderer.

[Mixed noises of apprehension from everybody involved.]

[Peter laughing]

> **Pentan:** What could go wrong?
> 
> **Stony:** I could list at least eight things, but I won’t, because I’m not a party pooper.


	4. Chapter 1 - Session 2 - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the team splits. Nothing about that indicates that It Gets Worse!

**Ned:** So, Peter, I’m… I’m guessing we want to get this search started as soon as possible, so that he doesn’t get too much leeway?

 **Peter:** Yeah, sure, although there’s stuff that you had to do beforehand, obviously. Like, uh, you need to explain what the hell’s going on to your captain, uh, Pentan, you have to pack up your stuff here at the Bookmark, and Mr. Stark, you probably have some business that you want to take care of?

 **Tony:** Sure.

 **Peter:** So, yeah, if we want the rest of this session to be you guys taking care of the things that you need to before you head out, that’s probably not a bad plan. We can do individual segments, or you can all be involved with each thing, whatever you want to do.

 **Bruce:** I actually wanted to visit the library of yore, here in Quora, and I was planning on doing that tomorrow, but since that isn’t an option, I guess I gotta go tonight?

 **Peter:** Sure, okay.

 **Ned:** And, uh, yeah, I definitely need to go talk to the captain.

 **Peter:** Right, I think we’ll do yours last. Uh, Mr. Stark? Cap? Any plans?

 **Steve:** I think I want to talk more with Jerry, actually, about Arlo.

 **Peter:** Okay! That’d be fun.

 **Tony:** I don’t… I guess I wouldn’t mind poking my head in the library, either.

 **Peter:** Great. So, we have plans. Uh… I think we’ll start with Gray and Jerry…

 **Steve:** All right.

 **Peter:** So, you all go your separate ways, with instructions from Jak to meet back at the Bookmark in an hour. Uh, Jak heads to the main barracks of the city watch, and Pentan and Loki head to the library in town, but you, Gray, you stick behind, asking Jerry to do the same. You both settle down at one of the tables in the bar, and uh… what do you talk about?

> **Gray:** Well, first, I guess I should introduce myself, ‘cause I don’t think I did that. Uh, my name is Gray Wakefield, and I’m your lover’s best friend. It’s nice to meet you.

[Laughter]

 **Steve:** [amused] What? Why is that funny?

 **Bruce:** “I’m your lover’s best friend” isn’t funny to you?

 **Steve:** Why would it be? It’s the truth.

 **Peter:** Yeah, it’s good. Uh, Jerry seems to be a little apprehensive, sitting across the table from you, since you are, apparently, his lover’s best friend. He isn’t sure how to feel about you, or about the fact that you wanted to talk to him, alone.

 **Steve:** But we’re in the middle of a tavern.

 **Peter:** Yeah, I guess… the tavern’s kinda filled back up, a bit, since the bodies were cleared out? A, uh, a different barkeep, from the one before, is behind the bar, filling orders. It is… significantly smaller of a crowd that it was before, however. Most of the people are seated at the bar itself, and one person is in an armchair by the fire. The tables, aside from the one that the two of you are occupying, are empty.

Anyway, Jerry is apprehensive, but since you don’t seem like you’re about to threaten him with a ‘If you hurt him, I’ll hurt you’ talk, he relaxes, a little, and says,

> **Jerry:** Uh, yeah, it’s - it’s nice to meet you, too.
> 
> **Gray:** You don’t have to look at me like that, I’m not gonna hit you.
> 
> **Jerry:** I’m not - I wasn’t thinking that you were going to.
> 
> **Gray:** Aw, c’mon, we don’t need to lie to one another. After all, you and I are arguably the only two who are actually looking out for Arlo’s well being, right? We should be on the same page, here.
> 
> **Jerry:** Yeah, sure, you’re not gonna catch me arguing with you, there. Uh, I’m Jerry? I don’t know if you knew that.
> 
> **Gray:** Yeah, no, it’s good to just, rehash that, because I don’t think any of those other guys bothered introducing themselves, so -

**Tony:** Okay, hold on. We already talked about this, and Peter said it was fine.

 **Steve:** I wasn’t going to make it a full thing, I just thought I’d point it out.

 **Peter:** Moving on!

> **Jerry:** Well, it’s good to meet you. Uh, what is it you wanted to talk about?
> 
> **Gray:** I just wanted to, uh, discuss what you think might happen to our boy, once we find him. I don’t want him to, like, get killed, so I was… I was _thinking_ that maybe we could come to some sort of agreement.

**Ned:** Uh, DM?

 **Peter:** Yes.

 **Ned:** I’m obviously not going to try and tell you how to run your characters, or your campaign, but I’m seriously starting to get concerned about Jerry’s, uh, sense of loyalty to both the watch, and to the city itself.

 **Peter:** I mean -

 **Ned:** Like, I get it, he’s a good guy, he’s in love, whatever, but… he’s a watchman. I don’t - I think the whole point of his… his character is that like, he’s supposed to be protecting the city and its people, and by, like, buying into this idea that Arlo should get off without any sort of punishment is kinda -

 **Bruce:** Well, hold on. No one said anything about him not being punished at all.

 **Peter:** Right.

 **Bruce:** I’m sure he’s going to be, jailed, at least, maybe fined. I think Jerry just wants to make sure he isn’t _killed_ for what he did, which makes sense to me, because he’s in love with him, right?

 **Ned:** I guess so.

 **Bruce:** I’m not saying that it was okay that Jerry let him go. Obviously, that was a mistake, and Jerry knows that, right?

 **Peter:** Oh, yeah, he’s… he’s super not proud of the fact that he acted on a spur of the moment decision, but that’s… that’s something that he only does when Arlo’s involved, or when he’s got Arlo’s influence hanging over him, y’know? Like, the - the dynamic between the two of them is that Arlo is this “I don’t give a shit” kind of guy, whereas Jerry is a very straight, by-the-book dude, _except_ for when it comes to Arlo. You get what I’m saying?

That wasn’t going to be the dynamic, originally. Like, at first, I was gonna have Arlo be part of the group that attacks, and then he was gonna run off, and you’d have to go find him because of that. With Jerry, though, being introduced so quickly as a character, I made the quick decision of like, “Oh, hell yeah, this is a much better story line than what I originally had planned.”

 **Tony:** Are we really debating the moral obligations of an NPC?

 **Peter:** Ned brought it up! I was just trying to explain myself, explain my reasoning for having Jerry be so… against seeing Arlo get some type of justice.

 **Steve:** I don’t think Jerry’s doing the wrong thing at all.

 **Peter:** Ah, there, see? Captain America says it’s okay, which means that it’s okay.

 **Tony:** Mmm… that’s not… not great logic.

 **Steve:** I wouldn’t even trust that, and I am Captain America.

 **Peter:** Yeah, I - I take it back. Point is, Jerry’s fine.

 **Ned:** As a fellow watchman, I’m going to say that he’s… he’s iffy, but… whatever. Let’s move on.

 **Peter:** Great.

> **Jerry:** Uh, yeah, no, I get it. I don’t… I don’t want him to die for it, either, considering that if he hadn’t stepped in, things probably would’ve… would’ve gotten ugly anyway? But uh… I don’t really know if the watch captain is going to see it that way, since he wasn’t there.
> 
> **Gray:** Well, what about your other watch buddy? The one that was just here?
> 
> **Jerry:** He’s… I don’t know. I trust him, but he’s… he puts Quora and her people first. I don’t… I wish I could say that I know that he’ll side with us, but I don’t… I honestly don’t think he will.
> 
> **Gray:** Well… I guess we’ll see, won’t we?

**Peter:** Is that… that’s it?

 **Steve:** That’s it.

 **Peter:** … okay, then. Uh, moving on to Pentan and Loki, and their adventures in the Quora library. Uh, is it safe to say, Pentan, that you… you gathered up all of the things that you had in your room at the Bookmark before you headed over here?

 **Bruce:** Yes? I didn’t even think about it, if I’m being honest.

 **Peter:** [crosstalk]Then we’ll just say that you did.

 **Tony:** [crosstalk] This means we should never trust Bruce with any of the supplies we gather on this expedition.

[Ned laughing]

 **Steve:** Maybe he’s more responsible about other people’s things.

 **Bruce:** Yeah, I - I know I’ll get in trouble if I lose someone else’s stuff. When it’s just mine, who cares?

 **Peter:** He does come from a wealthy family.

 **Tony:** I guess so.

 **Peter:** So, anyway, the two of you… Quora’s library isn’t… it doesn’t have a goofy name related to the website, like the tavern did. It’s, it’s just referred to as The Library, capital T, capital L, because of how… how big, how expansive and full of knowledge it is.

Uh, the two of you approach the building that you know to be The Library, and it is… it is just the most giant thing you’ve ever seen in your entire lives. Uh, it’s made entirely out of glass, but this glass has been enchanted, so that you can’t… you can’t see through it, uhm, so you really have no idea what to expect, when you walk through the doors.

And when you do, it’s like… all of your senses, they’re immediately overtaken by this… this vastness of knowledge that The Library possesses. The space opens into this huge wall-to-ceiling covered space, that is just… it is coated in bookshelves, and there is not a single blank space on any of these shelves. It is ridiculous, the amount of books that are in this room.

And there are ladders that line the walls, as well, so that visitors can push them, and reach books that are on higher shelves, and, in the center of the room, there is a staircase, that descends down into the ground, meaning that there are even more levels of books.

 **Bruce:** Pentan is pissing himself. He is - [Laughter] he is just so excited.

 **Tony:** Stony is just like, “... Meh.”

> **Pentan:** ‘Meh?’Are you _kidding_? Look at all these books! Look at all this knowledge! I can’t - people probably spend their entire lives reading through these books, and they never read them all, and all you have to say to that is “ _Meh_?”
> 
> **Stony:** Listen, dude, if I want knowledge, I make it up. That’s… fact is just, y’know, unimportant to a story teller.

**Bruce:** Pentan really wants to hit Stony with magic missile right now, but he’s not going to, because he’s afraid of maybe hurting the books.

 **Peter:** [laughing] Okay. So, uh, even at this late hour, we’ll say it’s… ten, ten thirty, uh, The Library is still full of those who are thirsting for knowledge. Uh, but, from what you can tell, they’re all mostly here, on this main level, which begs the question of… what do those lower levels have to offer, and why is nobody down there?

 **Bruce:** Uh, is there… is it not accessible?

 **Peter:** It looks to be just as accessible as this main room. There is… there’s no physical, noticeable barrier that is blocking the staircase.

 **Bruce:** Hm.

 **Tony:** [whispering] I dare you to touch it.

 **Bruce:** Why wouldn’t I?

 **Ned:** Uh, I think… I think it’s probably a good idea to be wary. Of the staircase.

 **Bruce:** But why?

 **Ned:** Doc, you’re playing a magical class. Do you really need me to explain to you the possibility of some kind of magical trap?

 **Bruce:** But if this is an open library, I don’t see why there would be some kind of thing keeping people from going down and accessing whatever’s on the lower levels.

 **Ned:** You do you, Doc, but I just… I’d keep it in mind.

 **Bruce:** Well, you’re not _me_ , Ned!

 **Ned:** No, I _know_ I’m not, just - [sighing] Never mind.

 **Bruce:** Anyway -

 **Peter:** Uh, so, you enter The Library, Pentan has a conniption, and Loki’s just like, “Yeah, whatever, books.” And uh… someone notices this, this like, argument that the two of you have, and they approach you.

And uh, this is a male figure, they are wearing a long, gray cloak, with the hood pulled up over their head, and, they have a long, Dumbledore-esque beard, and uh, they sound like this:

> **The Librarian:** Hello, young sirs, and welcome to The Library. My name is, tada, The Librarian.

**Tony:** Real original, Parker.

> **The Librarian:** Is there specific knowledge I can help you find, this evening?
> 
> **Pentan:** I was wondering about the lower levels of The Library. What can you tell me about them?
> 
> **The Librarian:** Oh, uh… the Lower Levels… hmm.

**Steve:** Lower Levels is capitalized, isn’t it?

 **Peter:** Super capitalized, yeah.

 **Bruce:** That can’t be good.

> **The Librarian:** Well, sir, uh… are you perhaps familiar with the Academy, here in Adren?
> 
> **Pentan:** Familiar with it? I attended it!
> 
> **The Librarian:** Oh, wonderful! Welcome, then, Young Wizard! Perhaps you need not worry about the dark forces surrounding the Lower Levels after all!
> 
> **Pentan:** Dark forces?
> 
> **The Librarian:** Oh, yes. Over the years, myself, and The Librarians that have preceded me, have discovered that whenever a person who is not of a magical background attempts to enter the Lower Levels, they suffer from the effects of dark spells of unknown origin. All kinds of ailments befall them, from hair loss to… to mortal diseases.
> 
> **Pentan:** Oh, yikes.
> 
> **The Librarian:** Yes, yes, it is… it is very unfortunate. However! Because you are one of the Blessed, you should be spared.
> 
> **Pentan:** Fantastic. So, you don’t mind if I -?
> 
> **The Librarian:** No, no, you go right ahead! Be - be my guest!

**Tony:** Sorry, gonna interrupt, really quick. Uh… _Blessed_?

 **Peter:** Uh, yeah, so… this isn’t really a tradition D &D thing, but uh… in this world, magic is hereditary? Like, a person can’t just… they can’t _learn_ magic, it’s - magic is ingrained in genetics, so uh… most magical people in the world are located in Adren, which is why the Academy is here, but uh… if there’s even like, a little bit of magic located in someone’s family, somewhere, uh, they will most likely be able to perform magic themselves. They just have to, harness it, I guess?

So, like, people - people who are born with this sort of power over the unseen and unknown, they are usually the ones with a higher position in society, which explains why Pentan’s family is rich. They are… they are esteemed, because they can control external forces that few people even understand.

The same is translated in the hierarchy. Uh, usually, the person who holds the monarchical position will come from a family that has, at some point in time, been great magic users. Uh, even if the practice of magic has sort of faded out of the family itself, most rulers can date their lineages back to wizards or witches that were… were very revered and even feared in some cases.

 **Tony:** All right. Are magic users a rare breed, then?

 **Peter:** Uh, I don’t know if I’d say _rare_ , but there aren’t as many… as many people who are magic users still. Uh, they’re definitely like… y’know, modern day, we have the 1%? The 1% in this universe are magic users.

 **Tony:** Got it.

 **Peter:** So, uh, Pentan? You head to the staircase?

 **Bruce:** Yes.

 **Peter:** And, uhm, Loki, The Librarian is gonna sort of give you a stink eye, almost, and say,

> **The Librarian:** If I were _you_ , I’d stay away.
> 
> **Stony:** Hmph.

**Ned:** That was very impressive, the fact that you just made that noise in an Australian accent, Mr. Stark.

 **Tony:** Thank you. Uh, Stony’s just gonna go over to a random bookcase and examine the tomes there, I guess, since this is apparently a Pentan moment.

 **Peter:** ‘kay? Uh, so, Pentan, you, you walk to the edge of the staircase, and you - do you hesitate, or do you just start going down them immediately?

 **Bruce:** I think… I think I linger on the edge, for like, a second, before I just… take the plunge.

 **Peter:** Okay. So, you place your foot on the second stair, leading downwards, and… [beat] nothing happens to you.

 **Bruce:** [Breath of relief]

 **Peter:** Yeah, so, you’re… you’re free to descend to the Lower Levels.

 **Bruce:** ‘kay. I think… I think I’ll probably start looking for books on evocation magic, right?

 **Peter:** Sure, uh… just, I don’t really want to sit here and describe your search for those types of books, so I’ll just, like, describe the setting to you, to give you like, a sense of what you’re being faced with, down here.

 **Bruce:** All right.

 **Peter:** Uhm, so, obviously, the Lower Levels are not as well lit as the main floor. There are… there are very few sources of light, probably because so few people actually traverse down those stairs. Therefore, you sort of have to rely on your other senses, to navigate this space.

From what you can tell, both with your elf eyes and your sense of the place, uh, the staircase goes down… forever, almost? Uh, every ten feet or so, there is the choice to exit onto the next level lower, and next to each of these sort of arches, there’s a plaque, on which it describes what kinds of books can be found on that floor.

Uh, and, from what you’ve seen, on your descent, you… most of the plaques seem to mention subjects that pertain to magic _somehow_. Like, you have a floor dedication to transmutation. There’s a floor dedicated to history of magic. And, sure enough, you find the floor dedicated to evocation magics, uh, about… I’m gonna say five floors down.

 **Bruce:** And this is where I will remain until forced otherwise. [laughs]

 **Peter:** Cool. So, back upstairs, uh, Loki.

 **Tony:** Oh, there’s more for me to do?

 **Peter:** Yes, sir. Uh, The Librarian… he has not stopped watching you. He’s… he’s sort of gone back over to this giant desk that is in the middle of the room, but you… his gaze is still focused on you. And it’s kind of unnerving, because you can’t… his hood kinda conceals his eyes, but you just… you just _know_ that he’s watching you.

 **Tony:** Do I know why? Like, is it a distrustful thing, or what?

 **Peter:** You can roll a perception, and see if you can figure it out that way.

 **Ned:** Holy crap, someone’s actually rolling dice this session?

[Mixed exclamations of awe and shock.]

 **Peter:** All right, all right, assholes. Uh, Mr. Stark?

 **Tony:** Rolling. [dice roll] It’s a 12.

 **Peter:** Hm… so, I’m gonna say that… it’s not… it’s not distrustful, but you… you don’t really know what else it could be.

 **Tony:** Great. I’m gonna...uh, hm.

 **Peter:** Mm?

 **Tony:** Well, I don’t want to start a confrontation with the guy, but also… he needs to stop staring, because it’s making me uncomfortable.

 **Steve:** You’re getting uncomfortable by being watched? Even though you’re a bard, and you literally make money off of people watching you?

 **Tony:** Listen, smart ass, I make money off of my performances. Right now, I am neither performing nor making money, so I really don’t want eyes on me, especially when there’s no reason for it.

 **Peter:** That’s valid. So… what are you going to do?

 **Tony:** [sighing] I guess… I guess leave The Library altogether?

 **Peter:** [surprised] Really?

 **Tony:** Why is that a shock?

 **Peter:** I don’t - I guess I just expected you to talk to him, since… talking seems to be your thing, but if you want to just leave, I’m not gonna stop you, although you will have to go back in to make sure Pentan knows his hour is up.

 **Tony:** And that might look a little sus.

 **Ned:** [mumbled] I really wish that Mr. Stark didn’t know what ‘sus’ meant.

 **Tony:** I guess I’m sticking around, then.

 **Peter:** Okay. And are you going to address the staring situation?

 **Tony:** There’s nothing for me to like, hide behind?

 **Peter:** No it is - aside from the desk in the middle of the room, where The Librarian is standing, uh… there’s no furniture. All of the bookshelves are against the walls.

 **Tony:** Great. I’ll just - I’m gonna ignore him.

 **Peter:** All right. So, Loki’s ignoring, Pentan’s perusing, and… that’s… unless there’s an interaction either one of you _want_ to do, uh, I think we’ll move on to Ned and the watch captain.

 **Bruce:** Since, uh, since there’s nobody else down there with him, Pentan has like, pulled eighteen books off the shelves and is rolling around in them.

 **Ned:** [amused] Like some kind of animal?

 **Bruce:** Yeah. And he’s just -

> **Pentan:** Mm, knowledge. Sweet, sweet knowledge…

**Peter:** This has become very erotic very quickly, and I don’t like the mood that we have created here today.

[Laughter]

 **Peter:** Uhm, so, Jak.

 **Ned:** Mhm.

 **Peter:** You, uh, you leave the Bookmark, and head for the main barracks of the Quora City Watch, which are uh, sort of the center-most point of the city. The barracks are in the middle, and, like, the rest of the city spirals outwards away from it, with the classier buildings closest to it, and the shoddiest tavern and brothel furthest away.

Uh, and you head right into the barracks, because you’re allowed to be there, and you go straight for the uh, the captain’s office, which is a small room at the very end of a hall that branches off to the left of main room.

And the captain, who is a grizzled, but not necessarily old, human, by the name of Owen Fontayne, looks up at you as you enter his private office. He is seated behind a desk, and there is… quite a lot of paperwork piled around him because, remember, all legal matters go through the watch captain before they get to a higher power. And he does not… he doesn’t look happy to see you.

> **Jak:** Cap’n. I assume you, uh, you heard what happened at the Bookmark, this evening.
> 
> **Captain Fontayne:** Oh, yeah, I heard.

**Bruce:** [whisper-shouted] I really like this guy’s voice!

 **Peter:** [whisper-shouted] Me too! [amused; normal volume] Uh, he says, 

> **Captain Fontayne:** Did you even consider the kind of backlash that the watch would face, when you involved yourself in that sort of fight?
> 
> **Jak:** Well, Captain, what was I supposed to do? Stand by and let five journeymen kill the people in the tavern?

**Peter:** He kind of sighs, like, he knows that you have a point, but he’s… he really doesn’t want to deal with the aftermath of what happened whatsoever.

> **Captain Fontayne:** I really hope you have some sort of good news for me.
> 
> **Jak:** Uhm…

[Laughter]

> **Jak:** Heh, funny story…
> 
> **Captain Fontayne:** Oh, God.
> 
> **Jak:** So, uh, the… the guy? That I was gonna bring in and charge with the murders? He uh… he sort of got away.

**Peter:** There’s a vein in Fontayne’s forehead that is just… it’s pulsating.

> **Jak:** But! With your permission, sir, I have gathered a group that is willing to go after him, and bring him back here to Quora, so that he might receive the justice that he deserves!
> 
> **Captain Fontayne:** You… ‘gathered a group’.
> 
> **Jak:** Yes.
> 
> **Captain Fontayne:** Instead of… requesting men of the watch?
> 
> **Jak:** [beat] Well, I thought -
> 
> **Captain Fontayne:** I think we’re seeing an example of _not_ _thinking_ , here.
> 
> **Jak:** With all due respect, Captain, I took initiative. There were other people present at the Bookmark during the fight, and they were also present when the main perp got away. It makes sense that we would work together to find the guy that got away. It’s a bargaining chip.
> 
> **Captain Fontayne:** A bargaining chip.
> 
> **Jak:** Yes. They help me find the actual perp, and then we don’t have to worry about charging them, too.
> 
> **Captain Fontayne:** Bennet.
> 
> **Jak:** This is the best thing to do, Captain. Trust me.

**Peter:** You’re gonna need to role persuasion.

 **Ned:** Yeah, I expected as much. Hold on.

 **Steve:** I hope we get to know Captain Fontayne, because I think I like him as a character. He seems like he’s just… super tired of everybody’s crap.

 **Tony:** Like me!

 **Peter:** [amused] I definitely drew some character traits for NPCs from people that I know in real life.

 **Ned:** I got a twenty, by the way, DM.

 **Peter:** Cool! So, uh, Fontayne is, understandably, a bit wary to just… let you make decisions, especially after knowing that the guy you were going to charge has disappeared, but he does appreciate the fact that you have already thought through how you’re going to handle that, and so he, he kinda sighs, and then he says,

> **Captain Fontayne:** All right. I - I trust you, Bennet, but… I can only give you a month, to find this guy. If you can’t, you’ll have to return to Quora, and I’ll need to take… take steps that I really don’t want to take. Do you understand?
> 
> **Jak:** Yes, sir. Completely.
> 
> **Captain Fontayne:** Good.

**Peter:** And then he shuffles around in the papers on his desk for a second, before he pulls out a badge. He leans forward over the desk, to hand it to you.

 **Ned:** I take it.

 **Peter:** And - it’s a pretty simple badge, just silver, but there is a symbol carved into it, and the symbol… it’s a crown, with a sword intersecting it. And Captain Fontayne says,

> **Captain Fontayne:** You know what this badge is for, don’t you?

[beat]

 **Ned:** Uh -

[Laughter]

 **Ned:** Well, _Ned_ doesn’t know shit about the badge, but I’m - I’m sure Jak does, yeah.

 **Peter:** Roll history, real quick.

 **Ned:** I have - a negative two modifier. [Dice roll] Please - oh, thank you, it’s a 16.

 **Bruce:** Pretty lucky.

 **Ned:** You’re telling me.

 **Peter:** Yeah, so, with a sixteen, you recognize the symbol as that of the one that is present on the badges of all heads of city watches throughout Adren. Uh, it’s basically the universal symbol for a respected officer of the king, chosen by the monarch, and - it basically gives you a free pass to any tavern, inn, uh… wherever you want to go, whoever you want to ask questions of, they… because you have this badge, they are basically required to meet your needs, answer your questions, whatever.

As long as they respect the king.

 **Ned:** Ah, there it is.

 **Tony:** I was getting excited, like, a free pass to everything in the kingdom? Rock and roll!

 **Steve:** Mr. Parker, what do we know of the king, and how… how well he rules?

 **Bruce:** Yeah, can we get like a rundown of the basics of government in Adren, and how well that government’s working to keep everyone suitably happy?

 **Peter:** You’re all privy to different information on the sort of internal aspects of the government, but I guess - a basic knowledge is that there is a king, and his name is Gideon Whitlock. And the Whitlock family has been in power of Adren for… almost one hundred years. Uh, Gideon’s father, the late King Julien Whitlock, he - he ran Adren well! People liked him, he was… he was a great king.

Uh… his son, Gideon… well, he’s young. He’s only been in power for a few years, and King Julien’s death was unexpected, so it - yeah, no one was prepared for Gideon to take the throne, least of all Gideon himself. So, he’s like, twenty years old, and he’s ruling a country that he really… he really did not want to rule? And that… that’s pretty obvious, from the way that he’s doing things. In fact, a lot of the work is being done by his mother, Queen Giselle, which Gideon is completely okay with.

 **Tony:** Are the Whitlocks magic users?

 **Peter:** They used to be.

 **Tony:** Okay.

 **Peter:** Uh, aside from Gideon and Giselle, there is a third member of the royal family, and that is Princess Jacqueline. And she is… she’s older than Gideon, by a couple of years, but because of the way lineage works in Adren, she was unable to ascend to the throne when her father died, even though she, like her mother, is very invested in running the kingdom.

Uh, there was… hm.

 **Ned:** Hm?

 **Peter:** I don’t know… I don’t think this information is well known, since - I don’t want to, uh, say it out loud, because it… it happened a while ago, and really… it was - it was widespread at the time of occurrence, but now I don’t think it’s as common knowledge as it once was.

 **Bruce:** Well, geez, Peter, tease us, why don’t you?

 **Tony:** Honestly.

 **Peter:** I’m sorry, I just - it might be… I don’t know. I’m not gonna say it. Forget it. Uh, so, the important stuff is that the current king was a major letdown as a replacement from the rockin’ last king, and a lot of people aren’t happy with him, but his mother and sister are sort of, doing his job for him, so citizens of Adren are sort of… complacent.

 **Steve:** I bet - no, never mind.

 **Peter:** Yeah, please don’t [laughing] finish that thought.

 **Tony:** No, finish it!

 **Bruce:** [Laughing] By all means!

 **Steve:** No, I won’t. That wouldn’t - I have no reason to think what I’m thinking.

 **Peter:** Great, moving on, then.

Captain  Fontayne is waiting for a response, Jak.

> **Jak:** Uh, yes, sir, but I don’t - I don’t think I can accept this.

**Tony:** Oh, come _on_.

[Bruce laughing]

> **Captain Fontayne:** Why not?
> 
> **Jak:** I wasn’t hand chosen by the king to run a city watch. I’ve never even _met_ the king. Besides, it probably won’t do me much good, with the current state of affairs.

**Ned:** And I’m gonna put the badge back down on the desk.

> **Jak:** I appreciate it, though.

**Peter:** Uh, Captain Fontayne sort of smiles, and slides the badge away from you.

> **Captain Fontayne:** You have guts, Bennet, just like your parents did.
> 
> **Jak:** Thank you, sir.
> 
> **Captain Fontayne:** Find that son of a bitch, and who knows? Maybe there’s a promotion in your future.

**Ned:** And that is exactly what Jak wants to hear.

> **Jak:** Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. I’ll find him.

**Ned:** And then, uh, Jak leaves his office, and after making sure that the door is closed, he does a little jig, because he’s been wanting to get promoted since forever.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh… and… I think we’ll all head back to the Bookmark, then?

 **Ned:** Sure.

 **Tony:** I uh - I want to go pick up Pentan.

 **Peter:** Yeah, that’s probably a good idea, because I’m almost positive he has lost track of time.

 **Bruce:** I have!

 **Steve:** Has Jerry left?

 **Peter:** Yeah, we’ll say he walks out as Jak is walking in. Jak, do you want to say anything to him?

 **Ned:** Mm… not really.

[Laughter]

 **Peter:** M’kay. So, he kinda… he looks at you, as you walk past one another, and when he realizes that you’re not going to say anything to him, he glances away, and like, quickens his pace, sort of.

 **Ned:** Yeah, uh, Jak is kinda sad, about that, but he shakes it off, because Jerry’s sort of on his shit list, and he has more important things to deal with.

 **Peter:** Fair enough. Uh, let’s hop over to The Library, real quick. Uh, so, Loki.

 **Tony:** Mm?

 **Peter:** How do you get Pentan out from the recesses?

 **Tony:** [sigh] I guess I’ll go over and ask The Librarian, since there’s no way in hell I’m going down those stairs.

 **Peter:** ‘kay.

> **Stony:** Uh, sir? Pardon me, for interrupting your, uh, staring contest with my back, but I need my friend.
> 
> **The Librarian:** And?
> 
> **Stony:** And… I can’t go down there and get him, so I was hoping you wouldn’t mind doing it.
> 
> **The Librarian:** Mm… nope. Can’t leave my post here at the desk. Sorry.

[Laughter]

 **Bruce:** This is Peter’s way of forcing you down the stairs, Tony.

 **Tony:** Yeah, he wants me to lose all my hair.

 **Peter:** That’d be pretty good.

 **Tony:** I guess I’m going down the damn stairs, even though it would be a lot easier for me to just leave. [beat] I have an idea!

 **Peter:** [muttered] Oh no.

 **Tony:** I want to throw a book down the stairs, and see if it attracts Pentan’s attention.

 **Steve:** You can’t make this easy, can you?

 **Tony:** Nothing about Dungeons and Dragons is meant to be _easy_ , Mr. Captain.

 **Ned:** I think it’s arguable that the whole point of the game is to do the easiest thing for yourself.

 **Tony:** ‘For yourself’. Not for the Dungeon Master. The easiest thing for Stony is to kick a book down the stairs.

 **Peter:** Uh, I think it’s safe to say that if you kick a book down the stairs, The Librarian’s gonna be pissed.

 **Tony:** Let him be. I don’t plan on coming back.

 **Peter:** Maybe _you_ don’t, but what if he decides to rope Pentan in, too?

 **Tony:** Why would he do that?

 **Peter:** Because I’m running him.

[Ned snickering]

 **Bruce:** Please don’t threaten my access to The Library. Please, Tony.

 **Tony:** Ugh… fine. Is there… is there something else I can toss down there?

 **Peter:** Not in sight. If you really want to throw something down the stairs, it’s gonna need to come from your inventory.

 **Tony:** Why do you want me to go down the stairs so bad?

 **Peter:** What do you mean? It makes complete sense that there’s nothing in this main room for you to throw down the stairs!

 **Tony:** I’ll throw… on my character sheet, it says that I have a favor from an admirer. I’m going to say that that favor is a rock that someone thought was pretty, and I’m going to chuck it down the stairs, because it’s just a fucking rock.  

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh, the rock passes through whatever magical barriers surround the stairs, and goes bouncing down them, making quite a bit of noise on the way down. Uh, Pentan?

 **Bruce:** Mhm?

 **Peter:** Roll a… perception? Yeah, I’m gonna say that’s appropriate.

 **Tony:** There’s something sus about you wanting me to go down those stairs.

 **Bruce:** I got a twenty-one.

[Whistling]

 **Peter:** Yeah, you hear the stupid rock roll down the stairs.

> **Pentan:** Dang it, I was just about to read about tenth level spells.

[Ned laughing]

> **Pentan:** [shouting] All right, all right, I’m coming back up!

**Bruce:** What would happen if I took some of these books with me?

 **Peter:** A lot of bad shit. No one is allowed to remove knowledge from The Library.

 **Bruce:** Damn. Okay. I leave everything on the floor, and I head upstairs.

> **Stony:** [annoyed] What took you so long?
> 
> **Pentan:** I was _learning_ , not that I expect you to know what that means.
> 
> **Stony:** Whatever. We need to get back to the tavern.

**Peter:** As the two of you head for the doors of The Library, The Librarian calls to you:

> **The Librarian:** Come back soon, to further quench your thirst for knowledge!
> 
> **Stony:** [mumbled] I’ll quench _his_ thirst for knowledge.

**Peter:** So, you head back to the Bookmark, and Jak and Gray are already there, and, uh… I don’t know, do you guys want to discuss how you’re going to start your search, or discuss if you need to grab any supplies before heading out? Whatever you want to talk about, this is the time to do it.

> **Jak:** So, gentlemen, I uh… I know that a few of us don’t want to be doing this thing, but I think that, if we all cooperate, and try our best to get along, the quicker we’ll be able to find the guy, and the quicker we’ll be able to go our separate ways.
> 
> **Stony:** Yeah, sure, that sounds fine. Uh… are we going to be repaid for our assistance in this matter?
> 
> **Jak:** We can discuss all that once we’ve actually finished the mission.
> 
> **Pentan:** We’re calling it a mission?
> 
> **Gray:** I just want to reiterate that I am not going to help you find my friend, just to promptly have you chop his head off.
> 
> **Jak:** Yeah, I heard you the first three times you said the same thing, buddy.
> 
> **Gray:** Hey, listen -
> 
> **Stony:** Guys, come on. What happened to that whole cooperation and getting along business?
> 
> **Gray:** I’m not going to let you just kill Arlo, and if that’s the end goal, then I’m going to have to leave.
> 
> **Jak:** [sighing] All right, listen, I already said I don’t plan on killing him outright. He’ll be brought back here to Quora, but after that, I can’t say what will happen to him.
> 
> **Pentan:** Which doesn’t sound great, but in all honesty, who knows how people will feel about the five deaths by then? I mean, maybe they’ll have been forgotten about, or the captain will have figured that since they weren’t great people, Arlo did Quora a service. Maybe he’ll be let off with a fine.

**Steve:** Well, Gray still isn’t, like, happy, with that, but since he already said he’s going to help find Arlo, he’s not going to go back on that.

> **Gray:** I have some conditions, then.
> 
> **Jak:** Sure.
> 
> **Gray:** Compensation, for my help.
> 
> **Jak:** Right.
> 
> **Gray:** And the ability to help Arlo, if it does seem like he’s going to end up being killed.
> 
> **Jak:** Meaning what?
> 
> **Gray:** Whatever it needs to.
> 
> **Stony:** So like, he’ll be a witness at a trial, or whatever, right?
> 
> **Gray:** Sure.
> 
> **Jak:** Yeah, fine, I’ll… if Arlo looks like he’s in danger of getting offed, I’ll pull some strings.
> 
> **Gray:** Good. And one final thing: I’ll be taking you to the mercenary group’s hideout first, and you can’t give away its location.
> 
> **Jak:** That’s fair. We won’t say a word, will we, boys?
> 
> **Pentan:** I wouldn’t.
> 
> **Stony:** Yeah, me neither. I know a thing or two about self-preservation.

**Peter:** Okay. If that’s all, uh… I guess that’s the end of this session!

 **Ned:** I feel like we didn’t accomplish anything.

 **Bruce:** Well, it was set-up, for the rest of the campaign.

 **Peter:** Exactly.

 **Tony:** Whatever it was, let’s avoid something like this again.

 **Peter:** Okay, uh… cool. Then I’ll make the rest of the campaign strictly about fighting, and uh, there’ll be no story whatsoever. Sounds good.

 **Steve:** Wait, hang on, that’s not what Tony meant, is it?

 **Tony:** I mean, I don’t want there to be _just_ fighting, obviously, but there needs to be some kind of middle ground. It can’t all be stuff like this, either, y’know?

 **Peter:** I couldn’t exactly throw a fight into the middle of this session.

 **Tony:** No, I know that, but just -

 **Bruce:** I thought this was a good session.

 **Tony:** Well, of course you did, you got to roll around in books.

[Laughter]

 **Tony:** I’m not saying the session was bad, Pete. It was just - y’know, a little more action would’ve been nice, that’s all.

 **Peter:** It isn’t as though I stopped any of you from getting into a fist fight with someone else.

 **Tony:** But did the opportunity for a fist fight present itself?

 **Ned:** Okay, I have to get back to college, so uh…

 **Peter:** Yeah, dude, I’ll meet you upstairs.

 **Ned:** Cool.

 **Bruce:** Steve, I wanted to show you something that Tony and I have been working on, down in the lab…

 **Steve:** Sure, just give me a few minutes, and I’ll be down there.

 **Tony:** Wait, everyone’s just gone, then?

[Silence]

 **Tony:** Yeah, okay. Clear message not to try and give constructive criticism. Got it.

~ END OF TRANSMISSION - LOGGED AUGUST 18th ~


	5. Chapter 1 - Session 3 - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to meet the mercenary group that Gray (Steve's character) is part of, and hopefully find the cloaked man! Peter starts the session with an attempt at description, and It Gets Worse!

~ START OF TRANSMISSION - AVENGERS COMPOUND - AUGUST 23rd ~

 **Peter:** Okay, is everybody ready for this, ‘cause I don’t think so, but it’s happening anyway!

 **Tony:** What’s he talking about?

 **Bruce:** Shh.

 **Peter:** We open with an aerial shot of the city of Quora. The sun is rising in the east, making the buildings glow with orange light. The sky is a mix of oranges and pinks, and in some places, still the dark blue of night time, as daylight slowly makes its way across the landscape.

 **Ned:** Oh, he’s making it a movie! I get it.

 **Tony:** It doesn’t really have the same effect, though, does it?

 **Steve:** Tony.

 **Tony:** What? We’re all thinking it.

 **Peter:** The camera angles itself on the Bookmark Tavern, one of the more established settings in Quora. The lower floor of the inn is vacant of customers, the bar itself having been shut down since two that morning. The upper floor, however, the floor that holds four different rooms available for rent, is bustling with activity.

Four strangers, sort of, all getting their thoughts together, before they set out on an exhibition that none of them expected to be going on the night before. A city watchman, debating between his loyalty to his work, and his loyalty to his friend. A mercenary, wondering if he has made a terrible mistake by agreeing to the job he is about to embark on. A wizard, reading one of the many books he carries with him, but thinking about how best to go about this search. And a bard, wanting nothing more than to break away from this group as soon as possible, but not wanting to put himself in danger.

These four strangers are about to begin a journey of epic proportions, although none of them yet know just how epic, just how thrilling, or just how dangerous.

And that’s the scene.

 **Tony:** You mean to tell me that we ended up spending all night at the damn tavern anyway?

 **Peter:** Well, I imagine none of your characters wanted to head off into the wild blue yonder sleep deprived and down on hit points!

 **Steve:** No, it makes sense. I don’t expect Arlo to have gone far.

 **Peter:** No, none of you do, which is why you all thought you could afford some rest, even though whether or not you actually got any sleep is up to you.

 **Ned:** I don’t think Jak did.

 **Tony:** Stony slept well!

[Laughter]

 **Peter:** Uh… yeah, so, you all stayed in the inn, which is kinda surprising, considering the mess that three of you made there the night before. Uh, it’s time to start the adventure, as I said, so… someone start roleplaying. Please.

 **Ned:** Okay, okay.

 **Bruce:** Yeah, uh, Pentan’s going to poke his head out of his room, just to see if anybody else is up and about.

 **Steve:** And he’ll see Gray stepping out of his room.

> **Pentan:** Good morning, sir!
> 
> **Gray:** Wizard. Did you get any rest?
> 
> **Pentan:** Ah, a half-elf doesn’t need sleep, not really.
> 
> **Gray:** Good for you, I guess.
> 
> **Pentan:** So, listen, chickadee, uh -

[Snorting]

 **Tony:** What the hell?

 **Bruce:** I honestly don’t know where that came from.

 **Peter:** I feel like it was in character, though.

 **Ned:** Yeah!

 **Bruce:** Okay, great.

> **Pentan:** Uh, I was just wondering how quickly you’ll be able to find this guy?
> 
> **Gray:** Uhm…
> 
> **Pentan:** ‘Cause, like, I’m good to travel, y’know, for a while, especially with such a group of fine gentlemen, such as yourself, but also… I only have a month off before I need to head back to the Academy to check in.

**Tony:** Is _that_ canon?

 **Peter:** Yep, Doc and I talk about a few Academy specifics a few days ago in preparation for this and future sessions.

 **Bruce:** I’m a learned Academy student, now.

 **Ned:** Well, share some of that good-good world building with us, dudes.

 **Peter:** Uh… it’s really not that cool. Basically, Academy students will attend for four years, kinda like high school but a lot better, and then when they’re done with those first four years, they’ll be sent out into the world, to get some real life experience. For the first year of this, they have to check in every four months with the Academy, just to make sure they’re adjusting to the shift in location and, like, life, but after that first year, they’re completely on their own.

 **Steve:** Wait, so, how old does that - how old is the average Academy student?

 **Peter:** Usually a family will know that a child possesses magic of some kind, and will send them to the Academy once it starts to manifest.

 **Bruce:** Pentan’s a bit of a different case.

 **Peter:** Yeah, because of Pentan’s elvish roots, his magic didn’t manifest until later, since he’s aging differently.

 **Steve:** Okay, that makes sense.

> **Gray:** I don’t really - I mean, I’ve known Arlo for years, now, and I think I know how he operates, so it… even if he isn’t with the rest of the group, I don’t think it’ll be too hard for me to figure out where he went.
> 
> **Pentan:** Oh, whew, that’s a relief.

**Tony:** Uh, at this point, Stony’s gonna walk out into the hallway, kinda with bedhead, and he’s gonna glare at the two of them.

> **Stony:** Y’know, some people _like_ to sleep.
> 
> **Pentan:** Oop, sorry, sir. I expected us all to get up at dawn, though, so we can get started with the search!
> 
> **Stony:** [unintelligible mumbling]
> 
> **Gray:** I guess one of us should knock on the watchman’s door…
> 
> **Jak:** No need.

**Ned:** And Jak steps out into the hallway, sliding his battleaxe over his shoulders.

> **Jak:** No use in waiting around, and we’ll just get further behind him.
> 
> **Gray:** Not necessarily.
> 
> **Jak:** If he isn’t wherever you think he is.
> 
> **Gray:** He will be.
> 
> **Stony:** Well, you can’t know that for sure.
> 
> **Gray:** Maybe not, but I know Arlo. Even if he does decide to make a break for it, he’ll have stopped with the group first, made sure all his bridges were burned. He’s good at that sort of thing.
> 
> **Pentan:** Burning bridges? Why?
> 
> **Gray:** [beat] I have no clue.

**Tony:** Goddammit, you liar! You had a conversation with Peter outside of the D&D sessions, too!

 **Steve:** No… not really, anyway.

 **Peter:** Yeah, we didn’t talk about anything that concerns the rest of you, we just went over what Gray knows about Arlo, as his best friend.

 **Tony:** Yeah, sure you did. You big liars.

 **Bruce:** I think you’re just upset that you didn’t have an outside conversation with Peter about your character.

 **Tony:** I had nothing to discuss about my character, thank you very much. Everything I need to know about Stony is what _I_ came up with.

 **Peter:** Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.

[Ned laughing]

 **Tony:** Nope, I’m not falling for it.

> **Stony:** All right, if we’re gonna do this shit, let’s get going.
> 
> **Jak:** Yeah, that’s a good idea. We uh… well, I guess we’re following you, Wakefield.
> 
> **Gray:** Right. Let’s go, then.

**Peter:** So, you four head downstairs, to the main level of the inn, the tavern part of it, and the barkeep from the night before is there, washing down the bar. And she looks over at your arrival, and she sighs.

> **Jak:** Morning, ma’am!
> 
> **Bartender:** I would’ve thought that at least one of them would be in jail by now.
> 
> **Pentan:** Nope, not us. We’re getting off, so long as we help find the guy that actually did the murders!

**Peter:** And she makes a face, like, “Who the hell came up with that idea?” but she doesn’t say anything else.

 **Ned:** Uh, DM? Do we have to worry about buying provisions, and such?

 **Peter:** No, I’m never going to make you worry about food. It is just too much work.

 **Ned:** Okay, cool. Just checking.

 **Peter:** Yeah, that’s, that’s kinda a thing that I’m going to put my foot down as a DM and be like, ‘We don’t have time to discuss every goddamn meal you eat.’

 **Bruce:** But we do eat, right?

 **Peter:** Yes, of course.

 **Bruce:** ‘Kay.

 **Peter:** It’s just not something you have to worry about, whether or not you have enough food to last a three day trip, or whatever.

 **Steve:** Peter’s solved world hunger!

[Exclamations of joy and “Good job, Peter!”]

 **Peter:** Yeah, I’m pretty fantastic. Uh, so, y’all ready to head out, then?

> **Stony:** I have no reason to still be standing here, and so I’m going to go outside.

**Bruce:** Yeah, we all leave the Bookmark.

 **Peter:** Cool. So, once you’re outside of the tavern, uh, we’ll say Gray takes the lead, and sort of, heads out of Quora. Uh, Quora is kinda… it’s not exactly on the edge of the nearby forest, but it’s close to it, about a half hour walk from the edge. Uh, and that forest is where Gray directs your posse, because that is where his band of mercenaries has sort of created their hideout for the time being.

And, Cap? If you want to go ahead and announce the name of this hardened mercenary group, I’m gonna say now’s the time to do it. In character, obviously.

> **Gray:** Uh, I don’t know if you’ve guessed this by now, but I’m a mercenary -
> 
> [Mockingly shocked sounds]
> 
> **Gray:** Yeah, yeah, okay. Uh, so I’m actually taking you to our camp, and uh… I guess I should warn you not to laugh at the name of the group, before we get there, because no one really… appreciates it, when it gets laughed at.
> 
> **Stony:** I am going to be absolutely delighted by whatever this name is, I can tell already.
> 
> **Gray:** Yeah, uh… we’re called the Ordinary Legionnaires.

[Muffled snickering]

 **Steve:** I did _not_ pick the name.

 **Peter:** Yeah, no, we went online to a name generator for guilds, and we decided that the third name that popped up was going to be the one, and uh… it was a mistake.

[Louder snickering]

 **Peter:** It was Steve’s choice. He could’ve come up with something on his own, and decided not to, so… now we get to live with an auto-generated mercenary group name. The end.

 **Tony:** I could come up with eighteen names that are better than that, just sitting here and thinking about it.

 **Steve:** See, just because you said that, means that I’m not changing anything.

 **Bruce:** At least tell us we’re not going to be spending a lot of time with them.

 **Peter:** That all depends on how well this first interaction goes.

 **Ned:** Welp!

 **Tony:** We’re going to be here for five minutes, before we’re kicked out into the forest.

 **Steve:** But I’m with you guys. They trust my judgement, not that I’ve really had a chance to judge you.

 **Bruce:** We’re getting thrown out.

[Steve sighing]

 **Peter:** All right, so you’re right on the edges of the Ordinary Legionnaires’ camp. Is there anything you want to talk about before you head in?

> **Gray:** I just want to reiterate; _don’t_ make fun of the name.
> 
> **Pentan:** Can I ask where the name came from?
> 
> **Gray:** See, that’s where the problem lies. Most of the original members of the group are dead or gone, which means that there’s really nobody who knows where the name came from, but we’re all too afraid to change it.
> 
> **Stony:** What, are you guys superstitious or something?
> 
> **Gray:** Well, there’s a story that says that when the name was first chosen, the founding members put a curse on it, so that if the name ever disappears, the group will start to lose all of the standing that it’s been able to build up over the years.

[Beat]

 **Tony:** Well, if that’s the kind of canon stuff that was talked about, I’m glad I didn’t have a private conversation with Peter.

 **Peter:** Anyway, uh, if that’s all, let’s just jump into it.

So, you guys walk deeper into the forest, with Gray in the lead, and eventually, you come within sight of some smoke, that you can see through the trees. Campfire smoke. And, as you approach, someone emerges from the trees ahead of you, in the direction of the smoke.

This person is a human, and she’s about… well, early twenties. She has her hair cut short, probably to keep it out of the way, and she’s dressed in leather armor. Uh, she does not look happy to see any of you, but she looks especially unhappy to see you, Gray. This is your sister, Violet.

> **Violet:** Where the hell have you been?
> 
> **Gray:** I told you last night, I went into the city to find Arlo.
> 
> **Violet:** And he’s not with you, so I’m guessing you didn’t, then?
> 
> **Gray:** Well, no, but, uh, that’s why I’m here with these guys. Arlo’s in trouble.
> 
> **Violet:** What did he do this time?
> 
> **Jak:** Uh, I can answer that. Hello, miss, my name’s Jak Bennet, I’m with the Quora City Watch, and -

**Peter:** Uh, as soon as you say that you’re part of the watch, Violet pulls a sword out of the scabbard she has around her waist, and she points it at you, and to you, Gray, she says,

> **Violet:** Why’d you bring the watch?
> 
> **Gray:** Dammit, Vi, put your sword away!
> 
> **Jak:** I’m not going to do you or your group any harm, miss. I’m just here for Arlo Garrick.
> 
> **Violet:** Did he kill somebody?
> 
> **Jak:** Yes, actually. Several somebodies. Is that something he’s known to do?
> 
> **Violet:** … when he has to. Are you going to arrest him?
> 
> **Jak:** Uh… it depends on what happens when we find him.
> 
> **Pentan:** H’lo, ma’am, uh, Pentan Runeshield. It’s nice to meet you.

**Peter:** She looks at you, and then she looks at you, Mr. Stark, and she says,

> **Violet:** And you?
> 
> **Stony:** Uh, Stony Ark. You have an… interesting haircut.
> 
> **Violet:** It keeps it out of the way. Your name is… interesting.

**Tony:** Okay, that’s not fair.

 **Ned:** Has she put her sword away, yet?

 **Peter:** Nope, she still has it out, but she has lowered her guard, a little.

 **Ned:** Cool. I would like to roll to snatch her sword while she’s distracted.

 **Steve:** I’d ask that you don’t do that.

 **Ned:** She pointed her weapon at me, unprovoked! I’m going to take it from her.

 **Peter:** Uh, if you’re sure, I guess you could roll a strength check against her, and I’ll give you advantage since she’s distracted.

 **Ned:** I’m doing it.

 **Peter:** Okay.

[Dice rolls]

 **Tony:** Who’s the one making bad decisions now?

 **Ned:** I got a thirteen.

 **Peter:** Yikes, that’s it?

 **Ned:** Mhm.

 **Peter:** Uh, Violet got an eighteen.

[Mixed groans and laughter]

 **Peter:** So, you try to grab at her sword, but uh, she’s a mercenary for a reason? And she easily knocks you back, actually manages to make you stumble a little bit, and then she sticks the point of the sword beneath your chin.

> **Violet:** Big tough watchman, huh?

**Ned:** Okay, I’m gonna put my hands up, show her I don’t mean her any harm.

> **Jak:** I’m sorry, you just pointed it at me for no reason, and I felt it necessary to take it away from you.

**Bruce:** No wonder she doesn’t like the watch. You’re not trying very hard to change her opinion.

 **Ned:** She pulled it on me! For no reason!

 **Tony:** What reason did she need? She doesn’t like your organization; that’s all she needed to know.

 **Steve:** Yeah, we’re mercenaries. Of course her gut reaction was going to be pulling out her weapon to defend herself against you, if she needed to.

 **Ned:** And now she is going to kill me.

 **Peter:** No, she’s not, I promise, but that was a stupid move, Ned. She uh, she super doesn’t trust you, now, so congratulations on that.

 **Steve:** Okay, I’m going to try and diffuse this situation before it gets worse.

 **Peter:** Go for it.

> **Gray:** Vi, please, _please_ put your sword away.
> 
> **Violet:** I don’t like your new friends, brother. Especially not this one.
> 
> **Jak:** Well, I don’t like you very much, either, so, at least we have that in common.

**Tony:** Oh, my God, Ned _wants_ his character to get killed!

 **Ned:** I have a problem with assholes.

 **Peter:** I don’t think she’d need to be an asshole if you weren’t being an asshole to her.

 **Bruce:** Asshole for asshole, Ned.

 **Steve:** Still trying to diffuse.

 **Peter:** Yeah, sorry. Uh, in response to Jak’s statement, Violet is going to press her blade against his neck.

 **Steve:** Great, I’m going to knock it down. Not out of her hands, but just… away from the vital area.

 **Peter:** M’kay. Another strength contest.

[Dice rolls]

 **Peter:** Ah, shit. I think you’ll beat me with this one.

 **Steve:** I got a twelve.

 **Peter:** Yeah, that beats my six. Uh, so, you knock Violet’s sword away from where it’s pressed into Jak’s neck, and you actually kinda make her nick him, a little bit. Uh, Jak, you’re gonna take… two damage.

 **Ned:** Mm. Great.

 **Tony:** You deserve it.

 **Ned:** Arguable.

 **Peter:** And Violet’s pissed, now, at Gray.

 **Steve:** Mhm, but that’s okay, because I know how to deal with it.

> **Violet:** I told you the next time you pull some shit like that that I’m was going to kick your ass!
> 
> **Gray:** I know that, but _he’s_ part of the city watch, which means he can arrest you, too, so would you _please_ stop being stupid?
> 
> **Violet:** I’m the one being stupid? You’re the one who brought him here in the first place! Annis is going to be pissed.
> 
> **Stony:** Ooh, I don’t like the sound of that name. Who’s he?
> 
> **Violet:** _She_ is our leader, and she’s been wondering where my idiot brother’s been all night. I’m supposed to take you to her.
> 
> **Gray:** Why? What did I do now?
> 
> **Violet:** Other than disappear from camp without letting anyone know you were going?
> 
> **Gray:** I guess that’s fair. I’m glad you guys didn’t pack up without me.
> 
> **Violet:** You know I wouldn’t have let them do that, goofus. C’mon, though. I don’t want to get in trouble, too.

**Peter:** And she turns to head into camp.

 **Steve:** Okay, I follow her.

 **Peter:** And the rest of you?

 **Bruce:** Oh, definitely, Pentan is starving, and he’s hoping that this place has food somewhere.

 **Peter** : [amused] Okay.

 **Tony:** And uh, since I don’t want to stick around and be alone with Jak, I’ll follow, too.

 **Ned:** Yeah, I don’t have much choice, since Gray’s the only one who can find the guy I’m after.

 **Peter:** All right, you all follow Violet into the Ordinary Legionnaires’ camp.

Uh, the trees that you pass under almost immediately disappear as you cross into a huge clearing. All across the clearing, tents are set up, and all of these tents are made of pretty high quality linen, and you get the sensation that this band of mercenaries is pretty well off, which means that they’re good at what they do. And sitting outside these numerous tents; you count at least fifty of them, if not more, uh, are the Legionnaires.

They are a wide variety. There are dwarves, and humans, and you spot a few Dragonborn, in some places. Uh, there’s even a couple of elves, but they’re all sort of seated together outside one tent, while the rest of the people are scattered and mingling with one another.

Anyway, Violet leads you across the clearing to the biggest tent in sight. The, uh, flaps on the tent are closed, and there is a single dwarf standing outside the tent, almost as though he’s on guard. And he eyes your group as you approach, and he says,

> **Dwarf:** So, you didn’t run off after all, huh, Wakefield?
> 
> **Gray:** It was never my plan to. I went looking for Arlo.
> 
> **Dwarf:** Ah. Should’ve guessed that’s what you were doing. Did you find him?

**Steve:** I’ll gesture to my companions.

> **Gray:** What does it look like?
> 
> **Dwarf:** It looks like the answer’s no, since none of these ugly mugs belong to Garrick, that’s for sure.
> 
> **Stony:** I am the furthest thing from ugly.

**Bruce:** Yeah, I’m pretty good looking, I think.

> **Dwarf:** Full of themselves, ain’t they? Why’re they here?
> 
> **Jak:** Arlo Garrick is wanted for five counts of murder. We’re here to find him.

**Peter:** Uh, the dwarf kinda blinks at you for a second, and then he says:

> **Dwarf:** You, uh, you part of the watch, or somethin’?
> 
> **Jak:** Yep.
> 
> **Dwarf:** Huh. Never thought the watch would hire an orc.
> 
> **Jak:** Yeah, well, my parents were on the watch, too. It was kinda my birthright.
> 
> **Dwarf:** Uh-huh. Well, uh, Gray, I don’t know if Annis is gonna be happy that you brought a city watchman with you to camp, but you’ve done stupider things, I guess.
> 
> **Gray:** Yeah, it seems like my life is just me trying to do something more stupid than the last thing.

**Peter:** He, uh, he kind of laughs, and then he gestures for you to enter the tent.

 **Steve:** I do.

 **Peter:** Cool. Uh, the dwarf eyes the rest of you, and then he kinda grunts, and waves you in, too.

 **Ned:** Yeah, uh, I’m already pushing my way in, I don’t need his permission.

 **Bruce:** My _goodness._

 **Tony:** You really need to chill out, kid. These people will not hesitate to kill us.

 **Ned:** I don’t care! I don’t like _any_ of them! They are dishonorable.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh, so, you walk into the tent, I’m assuming? All of you?

 **Tony:** Yeah, ‘eff it, I guess, at this point. Might as well.

 **Peter:** Cool. So, you walk in, and the tent is as big on the inside as it looks on the outside, bigger, even, like its been enchanted, almost. Uh, there’s a long table in the center of it that has maps all over it, with routes drawn onto them. There is a small table, like a tea table of sorts, on one side of the space. On another side there is a cot, that actually looks pretty comfortable. And then, at the back of the tent, seated in a high-backed chair, is a halfling woman. Like Violet, her hair is cut short, and she has green eyes that stare into you as you all file into the tent. One of her eyebrows is raised, and this is who you all know, now, to be Annis, the leader of the Ordinary Legionnaires.

> **Annis:** Welcome back, Gray. I see you’ve brought company.
> 
> **Gray:** Yeah, sorry, I uh… I went looking for Arlo and… he’s kind of in trouble.
> 
> **Jak:** He’s definitely in trouble.
> 
> **Annis:** And who might you be, sir?
> 
> **Jak:** Name’s Jak Bennet. I’m with the Quora City Watch.
> 
> **Annis:** I see.
> 
> **Jak:** I assure you, ma’am, that I am not here to interrupt whatever work you are doing. I’m just here to arrest the man who was the cause of five deaths last night.
> 
> **Annis:** Five?

**Bruce:** Why does she sound impressed?

> **Annis:** That’s more than he usually goes for. He must’ve felt spry.
> 
> **Pentan:** It was kind of wild, actually.
> 
> **Annis:** I bet. Watching Arlo Garrick fight is a pleasure that fewer people than he would like ever actually get to experience.
> 
> **Stony:** Yeah, he was pretty cool. At the start of the fight, he threw a knife into one of the guys’ necks.
> 
> **Annis:** He trained for a long time to be able to throw a knife so precisely.
> 
> **Jak:** Okay, uh, however cool he was, the point remains that he was responsible for three separate deaths, and his actions led to the deaths of two others on top of that.
> 
> **Annis:** Of course, Watchman. No one is arguing with you on that fact. Unfortunately, I cannot help you find Arlo, because he has not returned since he left yesterday afternoon.

[Mixed noises of annoyance and frustration]

 **Tony:** I knew it.

 **Bruce:** Then why didn’t you say anything?

 **Tony:** Because I want to use my trick card deck to cheat some of these mercs out of their gold.

[Ned laughing]

 **Peter:** [amused] When did you think I was going to give you the chance to do that?

 **Tony:** Well, I figured there would be opportunity at some point, since we’re here, and we’re not here for what we came here for.

 **Steve:** Wait, so, Annis _says_ that Arlo hasn’t been back.

 **Peter:** Right.

 **Steve:** But is she telling the truth?

 **Peter:** You have multiple ways of trying to figure that out, Cap.

 **Steve:** Would it be investigation?

 **Peter:** Uh…

 **Ned:** Perception, right?

 **Peter:** Yeah, that makes more sense. And… I’ll give you advantage, since you know Annis pretty fuckin’ well.

 **Steve:** Thank you. [dice roll]

 **Bruce:** I wanna know about Steve’s backstory.

 **Ned:** Yeah, me too.

 **Peter:** Well, I’m not just going to tell you guys. If you want to find out, you’ll have to ask Steve’s character, in game, ‘cause otherwise it’s cheating.

 **Tony:** Gross, _more_ exposition?

 **Peter:** I’m going to make the entire campaign only exposition if you keep complaining. Cap, you have that roll for me yet?

 **Steve:** I’ve had it. Thirteen.

 **Peter:** ‘Kay. Uh… I’m gonna say that you noticed Annis kinda shift in her chair, but other than that, there was nothing. She’s… she’s either a very good liar, or she’s telling the truth.

 **Steve:** Damn.

 **Tony:** Card games?

 **Peter:** Well, hang on, we’re not done in here, yet.

 **Steve:** Yeah, I have a lot more to ask her, and talk to her about.

 **Tony:** [sighing]

 **Bruce:** Well, can’t we do that thing we did last time, where we all go do something different?

 **Peter:** Not yet, because there’s still _plot_ happening in this tent, boys.

 **Tony:** Plot-shmot. Card games.

 **Peter:** In a goddamn minute.

So, Annis is looking at all of you, clearly trying to parse why it is that not only does Gray have a watchman with him, but also a half-elf with a wand and a bard without an instrument, and -

 **Tony:** I have an instrument. I chose a lute. Although I’m proficient in other things, too.

 **Peter:** Whatever, the point is she’s trying to figure out guys out, and she says:

> **Annis:** However, I’d be willing to assist in finding him, if you three wouldn’t mind helping Gray with something that I need done for the group.
> 
> **Jak:** We’re kind of working on a time-crunch, ma’am.
> 
> **Annis:** I’m sure you are. Nonetheless, very few people possess the capabilities necessary to track down our mutual friend Arlo Garrick. Luckily for you, one of those people is here in this camp.
> 
> **Stony:** Yeah, we’re standing next to him.

**Tony:** And I gesture towards Gray.

> **Stony:** He seems to think he’ll be able to find Garrick, no problem.

**Peter:** Uh, Annis kinda laughs.

 **Steve:** Rude?

 **Peter:** She says,

> **Annis:** While Wakefield’s abilities are… acknowledgeable, Arlo Garrick’s far surpass his own, especially when it comes to not wanting to be found.
> 
> **Gray:** He’s my best friend.
> 
> **Violet:** Uh, excuse me?
> 
> **Gray:** I mean -
> 
> **Pentan:** Uh-oh.
> 
> **Stony:** Yeah, this might not end well.
> 
> **Violet:** When did Garrick become your _best_ friend? That’s supposed to be me, you asshole.
> 
> **Gray:** Yes, of course, but I just - Arlo’s important to me, too, Vi. You know this.
> 
> **Violet:** Yeah, whatever.

**Peter:** And she stalks out of the tent.

 **Bruce:** Uh, I want to go after her.

 **Peter:** Wait, really?

 **Bruce:** Yes.

 **Peter:** Uhm… okay? I guess? Wasn’t expecting that at all, but sure, Pentan exits the tent after Violet.

 **Tony:** Oh, so when _he_ wants to split off from the main story, it’s okay?

 **Peter:** Well, this is more interesting than a fake card game, Mr. Stark.

 **Tony:** How do you know?

 **Peter:** Uh, Violet has just kind of stalked away from the tent a few paces, and she’s just, glaring down at the ground. Before you can go over to her, though, uh, the dwarf from before, outside the tent, he whistles to you.

> **Dwarf:** I wouldn’t.
> 
> **Pentan:** Why not?
> 
> **Dwarf:** It’s best to leave Violet Wakefield be, whenever she gets into one of those ‘glare at the ground’ moods. Trust me, I’ve known her since she was barely my height, runnin’ around camp and biting ankles.
> 
> **Pentan:** What’s your name, good dwarf?
> 
> **Ben:** You can just call me Ben.
> 
> **Pentan:** ‘Kay, cool, Ben? Uh, I appreciate the tip, but I’m gonna… it’s not part of my constitution to let a sad lady just walk away.

**Bruce:** And I walk over to Violet.

[Ned chortling]

 **Peter:** [amused] ‘Kay. Uh, she looks at you, and she’s, uh, obviously surprised to see that you followed her, but then she scowls.

> **Violet:** What do you want, elf?
> 
> **Pentan:** Half-elf, sweetpea, but uh - I just wanted to see if you were okay.
> 
> **Violet:** I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?
> 
> **Pentan:** I mean, you kinda stalked out of the tent in a huff, so I just -
> 
> **Violet:** Listen, I don’t need to talk to you about this, nor do I _want_ to talk to you about this. Just leave me alone, all right? I’m not - I’m fine.

**Peter:** And then she walks away from you.

 **Bruce:** [sighing] You try to be nice…

 **Steve:** I apologize for my game sister’s behavior, Doc.

 **Bruce:** It’s all right. Peter should be the one apologizing.

 ****Peter:** ** Yeah, I’m not going to do that.


	6. Chapter 1 - Session 3 - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony decides to cheat mercenaries out of their money, and It Gets Worse!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody, it's ScribbleWiggy, your author, your dungeon master (technically), and your best friend. Just wanted to hop in here and say that this chapter is dedicated to Stan Lee. Rest In Peace, you fantastic creator.

**Peter:** Do you go back in the tent, Doc?

 **Bruce:** I guess so.

 **Peter:** Okay. So, Annis is still sort of waiting for whether or not you all are going to agree to this task that she wants you to do for her, in exchange for help in finding Arlo. If you - I mean, if you guys want to talk it out, go ahead.

 **Ned:** Well, what choice do we have?

 **Steve:** I still think we can probably find him on our own, but I guess it would be helpful to have another party member.

 **Tony:** Well, is that what we’re talking here? A fifth party member?

 **Peter:** You don’t know.

 **Tony:** Can we ask?

 **Peter:** You can do whatever you want, as long as it doesn’t include tricking mercenaries out of their money.

 **Tony:** [muttering] Damn it.

 **Ned:** Okay, I’ll ask Annis, then:

> **Jak:** [normal voice] Uh, when you say that someone’s going to help us find him, what does that imply?

**Peter:** Was that in character?

 **Ned:** Yeah, sorry.

 **Peter:** It’s fine. Uh, Annis says:

> **Annis:** I guess that depends on how well you do my task.
> 
> **Jak:** [character voice] Well, that’s not very promising.
> 
> **Stony:** Yeah, uh, we’ll probably fuck it up horribly.
> 
> **Gray:** What even is it that you need us to do, Annis?
> 
> **Annis:** Well, let me show you.

**Peter:** And she hops down from her chair and walks over to that table in the center of the tent, the one that has all those maps on it? And she climbs up onto a stool that’s next to the table, so that she can see over it, and she gestures to the map that’s just of the, uh, Quora territory, which includes the city and the woods, and she says:

> **Annis:** The Legionnaires have been hired to handle a infestation, of sorts, by the king, that’s sort of been troubling the city. You, Watchman, might know about this problem.

**Peter:** And you do, Jak. Uh, over the last month or so, there’s been a sort of… well, growth of orcs within the forest outside the city. And usually, it wouldn’t be a problem, because the orcs would just do their business of trading between tribes, and then move on, but for some reason, that hasn’t happened? But you, personally, haven’t noticed that they’re being any rowdier than normal. In fact, there’s been a significant lack of rowdiness from the orc tribes.

 **Ned:** Okay. And it’s a normal thing for the orcs to meet up in the forest to trade?

 **Peter:** Yeah, it happens every few months or so, a couple of the tribes will meet and just, trade stories and crafts, and fresh-forged weapons. Uh, but this time? It’s gone on a lot longer than usual.

 **Ned:** Huh, interesting.

> **Jak:** Yeah, I know what you’re talking about. I don’t - the orcs should have an agreement with the city that’s in place…
> 
> **Annis:** That’s what we were told, but for whatever reason, that agreement has apparently been thrown to the wind, this time.
> 
> **Jak:** Well, okay. Sounds like something I could handle on my own, being that they’re my people.
> 
> **Annis:** That’s what I’m hoping for. Obviously, if necessary, the group is here, but I was hoping to get this done with the least amount of bloodshed possible.
> 
> **Jak:** That makes sense. I appreciate that.
> 
> **Annis:** Of course. We aren’t barbarians, despite popular belief of mercenaries.
> 
> **Jak:** … right.
> 
> **Stony:** This really sounds more like a job for just our orc guy. What are the rest of us supposed to do?
> 
> **Annis:** Don’t you think it would be smarter to go in a group, rather than send a single envoy?
> 
> **Stony:** Not when I have to be part of that group.

[Laughter]

 **Peter:** Annis does not look impressed with you.

> **Annis:** Tell me, what’s your story?
> 
> **Stony:** Me? I’m just a bard, lady. Stony Ark, lone traveler, bringing my art everywhere I possibly can.
> 
> **Annis:** Hmm.
> 
> **Stony:** What?
> 
> **Annis:** Nothing, I just - you surprise me, that’s all.
> 
> **Stony:** … I surprised you by telling you that I’m a bard?
> 
> **Annis:** Yes.
> 
> **Stony:** Okay?
> 
> **Annis:** I mean, your aura is very… potent, is all.

**Tony:** This lady’s freaking me out. Am I allowed to leave the tent, now?

 **Peter:** Well, do we have a consensus of agreement that you’re going to go talk to these orcs?

 **Ned:** Yeah, I’m down.

 **Bruce:** I guess so.

 **Steve:** Sure.

 **Tony:** I don’t _want_ to, but I guess anything to get away from this halfling.

 **Peter:** Okay, great. Annis says, uh,

> **Annis:** Thank you, gentlemen. You do this well, and I promise the Legionnaires will help you find Arlo.
> 
> **Pentan:** Just one question, chiquita, uh -

**Ned:** [laughing] What’s with these nicknames? Are they going to stick?

 **Bruce:** This is a character choice I’m making. Pentan is really bad at remembering names, unless he makes them up.

 **Peter:** That’s fine, but why is Annis named after [ Chiquita Bananas](https://www.chiquita.com/)?

 **Bruce:** Does she not look like the Chiquita Banana lady?

 **Peter:** I mean, I guess she can? Just a very, very short version.

 **Tony:** What’s Stony’s nickname?

 **Bruce:** You’ll find out when your time comes.

 **Steve:** The same goes for me?

 **Bruce:** I have a question to ask you, first.

 **Steve:** Okay?

 **Bruce:** What color are Gray’s eyes?

 **Steve:** Blue.

 **Bruce:** That’s what I thought.

 **Peter:** Okay, anyway, uh, with that, Annis kinda… dismisses you? I mean, she doesn’t really have a right to do that, but she hops down from her stool and walks back to her chair, which you all guess is her sign of dismissal, and so… now we can do whatever you all want.

 **Tony:** Card. _Games_.

 **Peter:** I. _Know_.

[Ned laughing]

 **Steve:** I think I want to stick around here and talk to Annis a bit more, and then I probably need to go and find Violet.

 **Peter:** Mm, good idea.

 **Ned:** Yeah, uh, I want to to talk to Annis more, too, just about the orc thing and then maybe some other stuff if I can manage to think of anything.

 **Bruce:** And I guess I’ll go with Stony, make sure he doesn’t get his head kicked in for cheating _mercenaries_.

 **Peter:** Good call. And to find some food, right?

 **Bruce:** Of course.

 **Peter:** Great. So, let’s start with _that_ , I guess, since… I can only imagine it’s going to go terribly.

 **Bruce:** Do I have to roll for food?

 **Peter:** [amused] No.

 **Bruce:** Okay.

 **Peter:** Uh, you head outside, the two of you, passing by where Ben is still standing in front of the tent, and he frowns when he sees you without Jak or Gray, and he says,

> **Ben:** What’re you boys up to?
> 
> **Pentan:** I’m looking for food.

[Laughter]

> **Ben:** Oh, well that shouldn’t be too hard to find. We like to eat.
> 
> **Pentan:** Mm, yes, me too, which is why I need to find something. Later.

**Bruce:** And I walk away.

 **Tony:** Me, too.

> **Ben:** Hold on there, young’un. What’re _you_ up to?
> 
> **Stony:** … Can’t I be looking for something to eat, too?

[Ned chortling]

 **Steve:** Well, not anymore.

> **Ben:** Sorry, son, but I have to ask. You got that look.
> 
> **Stony:** I have a _look_ , and I have an _aura_. I’m learning a lot about myself today.
> 
> **Ben:** Who said you have an aura?
> 
> **Stony:** Your queen in there.
> 
> **Ben:** Hah, yeah, she does say junk like that more often than not. Says she has a way of feeling.
> 
> **Stony:** Mhm. Well, I’m gonna join my friend now. Bye.

**Tony:** And I walk away as fast as possible without looking weird.

 **Peter:** Great. Uh, you rejoin Pentan near that tent that you all saw the elves gathered outside of, together and sort of away from the rest of the mercs. Uh, Pentan, you have sort of let your feet, and your nose, lead you over here, because uh, these elves are actually busy cooking up breakfast for the rest of the group, and whatever it is they’re cooking smells _fantastic._

 **Ned:** Ah, yes. Elves. The cooking artisans of Adren.

 **Peter:** You know it.

 **Bruce:** Okay, I uh, I’m gonna stand behind them, try not to distract them from their cooking, but I am going to try and see whatever it is.

 **Peter:** ‘Kay. Uh, I’m gonna say that you don’t need to roll anything, you can sort of easily see what it is that they’re making, and it looks like… quiche.

 **Bruce:** Quiche?

 **Peter:** Mhm, tasty, tasty quiche, and it looks like they’re tossing in all kinds of herbs into them, since elves don’t really like eating meat, when they can avoid it, and they’ve sort of turned the rest of the mercs towards this diet as well, to avoid scurvy.

 **Tony:** Sorry, are they mercenaries, or pirates?

 **Peter:** So, yeah, elves are making quiche, and they haven’t noticed you yet.

 **Tony:** Uh, I walk over, and loudly say,

> **Stony:** Whoa, this smells _amazing_.

**Tony:** Because I’m not always a dick.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh, the elves turn to look over at you, mixed expressions on their faces, until they realize that Pentan is standing next to you, and they all relax, a little.

> **Elf #1:** You new?
> 
> **Pentan:** Oh, uh, no, not really. We’re just here looking for someone. I uh… I think his name’s Arlo? Not… not positive.
> 
> **Elf #1:** Oh, _that_ guy. He’s always got someone after him.
> 
> **Stony:** That so?
> 
> **Elf #1:** Yeah, I’ve been with the Legionnaires since before he joined up, and about a week after he showed, some of the king’s men came to camp, looking for him, too. For some reason, Annis didn’t tell them he was with us, and he’s sort of been here since then.
> 
> **Stony:** “Sort of been here”? What’s that mean?

**Peter:** Uh, a second elf speaks up in response.

> **Elf #2:** He’s kinda allowed to come and go as he pleases. It’s like he’s an honorary member, or something, and Annis just kinda allows it.
> 
> **Stony:** Interesting.
> 
> **Pentan:** Anyway, I was just curious to see what you were cooking over here, because it smelled great, and it looks even better. Is that quiche?
> 
> **Elf #1:** Yeah! Mother’s recipe. I haven’t had a chance to cook it in a long time, since we haven’t really stopped for the supplies we need for it. I took a trip into Quora yesterday, though, I got what I needed, so we can have a big ol’ breakfast.
> 
> **Pentan:** Yeah, it looks really tasty. You don’t mind if we join in on that breakfast, do you?

**Peter:** Uh, the elves all kind of look at one another, some of them with frowns on their faces, but the first elf merely shrugs.

> **Elf #1:** I’m assuming since you haven’t been kicked out of camp yet that Annis thinks you’re okay, so I guess so. It’ll still be a few minutes; it’s harder to make quiche without a hotbox, y’know, so we really need to make sure they set right.
> 
> **Pentan:** Yeah, I get that. Uh, my name’s Pentan, by the way.
> 
> **Elf #2:** I’m Varo, this is Omar.
> 
> **Omar:** Good to meet you two.
> 
> **Stony:** Yeah, it always is. Stony Ark, Bard Extraordinaire, at your service.
> 
> **Varo:** Whoa, you’re a bard? Could you sing something for us?
> 
> **Stony:** Oh, uh, no, I’m gonna say no, not right now? It’s still pretty early, I haven’t had a chance to really warm up my voice yet…
> 
> **Varo:** Oh, yeah, don’t worry. That makes sense. Maybe later.

**Tony:** Yeah, that’s not going to happen. So, I don’t think I want to cheat these guys out of their money, since they seem pretty cool. What other prospects do I have, DM?

 **Peter:** The entire rest of the camp? Like I said before, there’s human mercs, dwarf mercs, Dragonborn mercs… all kinds to be an asshole to.

 **Tony:** Hm. Okay. I want to… head to the smallest gathering of mercs, and kinda get started there.

 **Ned:** [groaning] This is going to go _so bad_.

 **Tony:** Oh, ye of little faith. I will not be sharing any of my winnings with you.

 **Ned:** I wouldn’t _want_ any of your winnings, not that there’s going to be any.

 **Peter:** Okay, so, uh, there’s - we’ll say that there’s a group of three different mercs gathered outside a nearby tent. Uh, there’s two humans, and another dwarf, and they’re all just sort of seated on the ground, chatting away. So you want to go over to them?

 **Tony:** Yep. Check this shit out, boys, I’m going to do what I do best.

 **Steve:** Con people out of their money? Yeah, that tracks.

[Snorting]

 **Tony:** I’m going to ignore Steve for the rest of this session, so if he tries to talk to me, someone is going to have to tell me what he said.

 **Peter:** Please, children, we’re trying to play a game, here.

 **Tony:** Yeah, I’m going over to those guys, and I’ll say,

> **Stony:** H’lo, and good morning, folks. How are we doing today?

**Peter:** Uh, they’re just going to look at you, like, who the hell is this?

> **Stony:** My name is Stony Ark, and I’m here to offer you all some entertainment to fill your day until it’s time to eat breakfast. Is anyone interested?

**Bruce:** See, this is the way not to do it, because you’re making it a suggestion. If you want people to agree to this, there can’t be a choice.

 **Tony:** Are _you_ the bard, here? Do you make a career out of entertaining people?

 **Peter:** Mr. Stark, bards sing and play instruments and read poetry and perform plays. They don’t use cheating card decks to steal money. This is creating a bad name for bards everywhere.

 **Tony:** I am no way insinuating that other bards do this!

 **Peter:** It’s just not a good look.

 **Tony:** I just want to play a game of cards.

 **Ned:** A _dishonest_ game.

 **Tony:** Then you march your happy City Watch ass out here and stop me, then!

 **Ned:** No, that’s not something I’m going to do, because these are mercenaries and I don’t give a shit if they lose their money.

 **Tony:** So then why are you complaining?

 **Ned:** When did I complain?

 **Peter:** Stop it! I’m gonna - I’m in hell, right now. I’m actually in hell. This is my hell, this is my seventh circle of hell.

 **Steve:** Oh, you’ve read [ _Dante’s Inferno_ ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inferno_\(Dante\))? I’m glad they still teach that.

 **Peter:** We’re moving on with Mr. Stark’s shitty-shitty card game. Uh, the guys all kind of exchange a look, and then a tough looking dwarf straightens up, and he says,

> **Dwarf:** Sure, I’ll take you on. Name’s Duncan.
> 
> **Stony:** Good to meet you. What do you say we start with just a friendly wager? Say… a single gold piece?

**Tony:** And I’ll flash said gold piece, just long enough for the sun to glint off of it.

 **Peter:** When they see that you actually have gold to offer up, uh, they all suddenly become very interested, and they turn in your direction pretty eagerly.

 **Tony:** Yeah, see? Got ‘em right where I want them.

 **Steve:** I really hope that Peter has some sort of trick in mind that makes it so you don’t get to use your fake cards on these people.

 **Ned:** Well, yeah, that’d be good, mostly because I really don’t want to get roped into whatever punishment they see fit for him when they inevitably find out he’s trying to cheat them out of their money.

 **Peter:** Uh, so, all three of them turn around to face you, but only the dwarf, Duncan, pulls out a coin of his own. He sort drags over a crate over to use a playing surface. And he says,

> **Duncan:** So, what’s the game?
> 
> **Stony:** I was thinking just a normal game of luck. Highest card wins.

**Bruce:** [quietly] Oh no.

 **Peter:** I don’t - that isn’t even a game!

 **Tony:** Fine, what about this?

> **Stony:** Uh, actually, let’s do it like best three out of five. We’ll draw five times; whoever gets the majority of those draws gets the coin. Fair?
> 
> **Duncan:** Fair, I suppose.

**Peter:** And he gestures towards your card deck.

> **Duncan:** Y’mind if I shuffle ‘em?
> 
> **Stony:** Uh…

[Snickering]

 **Ned:** _This_ is the workaround that we need.

 **Tony:** How do I get out of this one?

 **Peter:** You’ll need to roll a persuasion against him, make your case for why you should be the one to shuffle. If you lose, you’ll hand him your cards, and he’ll realize that they’re a trick deck, and you’re screwed.

 **Tony:** That doesn’t seem fair!

 **Steve:** It isn’t, and that’s why it’s great.

 **Peter:** No, it’s as fair as anything else in this game; you roll and get past a certain number, you do good, you roll and _don’t_ get higher than a certain number, you fail, and you’ll take the repercussions from that.

 **Tony:** Can I… can I think about it a bit? Like, can you shift over to someone else while I consider this?

 **Peter:** [sighing] I guess so. Uh, let’s move back to Jak and Gray, then, since you’re both lingering in Annis’s tent.

So, Loki and Pentan leave, and Annis looks expectantly at you, Jak, because she assumed that you were going to leave, too.

 **Ned:** I stare back.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh, she says,

> **Annis:** Do you have more that you want from me, Watchman?
> 
> **Jak:** I wanted to inquire about your presence in the woods, other than to deal with the orcs. How long have you been here?
> 
> **Annis:** Two days, by the time the sun’s at its highest point in the sky.
> 
> **Jak:** And is there a reason you haven’t dealt with the orcs yet, despite having been here for two days?
> 
> **Annis:** We liked to situate ourselves in a location before getting down to business, because we never know how long we’ll be there.
> 
> **Jak:** Hm.
> 
> **Annis:** Something to say about the way I run _my_ organization?
> 
> **Jak:** No. I just don’t appreciate it when my woods are littered with trash.

[Someone inhales, someone whispers, “Uh oh”]

 **Tony:** Why do you insist that _I’m_ the one who’s going to get us killed, when you’re the one saying things like _that_ to the merc _boss_?

 **Ned:** I say it like I see it, my dudes.

 **Tony:** I’m just pointing it out that he’s the one that might actually get us kicked out of here, that’s all.

 **Steve:** I’m gonna step in, I think.

 **Peter:** Okay.

 **Steve:** And say,

> **Gray:** [laughing] That’s… that’s funny, Mr. Bennet, but, uh, it’s sort of hard to be the trash that you’re talking about when your captain was the one to ask us to deal with the orcs, instead of just relying on the Watch to do it instead.

**Ned:** That isn’t true.

 **Peter:** No, it’s not. I’m assuming you want to roll deception, then, Cap?

 **Steve:** I guess I have to, don’t I?

 **Peter:** Kind of how it works, yeah. Uh, Ned, you’ll wait to see what his roll is before countering it.

 **Ned:** Okay. What about Annis?

 **Peter:** Since Gray’s defending her, and she already knows that it’s a lie, she doesn’t need to roll anything. In fact, uh, she’ll say,

> **Annis:** That’s a very good point, Wakefield.

**Peter:** And that’ll give Cap advantage.

 **Bruce:** What a nice NPC.

 **Steve:** Uh, I rolled a twelve.

 **Peter:** Okay. Ned?

 **Ned:** Yeah.

 **Peter:** Uh, what’s your modifier?

 **Ned:** For what?

 **Peter:** Wisdom.

 **Ned:** Uh, plus 2.

 **Peter:** ‘Kay. Roll perception against his 12, then.

[Dice roll]

 **Bruce:** This could go really good or really bad, and I don’t - I’m excited for both.

 **Ned:** 17.

 **Tony:** Uh oh.

 **Steve:** [chuckling] Not good.

 **Ned:** I saw through your garbage.

> **Jak:** Uh-huh. Then that explains why I knew about the orc problem ahead of time too, then, right?

**Peter:** Annis kind of shifts her weight, and walks away from the two of you back to her chair. So she’s, just, ignoring you.

 **Ned:** Fine, then I’ll look at Gray, with like, a lifted eyebrow.

 **Bruce:** Orcs have eyebrows?

 **Steve:** Uh, Gray is going to say,

> **Gray:** Just trying to relieve the tension, mate.
> 
> **Jak:** Didn’t work out for you, did it?
> 
> **Gray:** I guess not. I admire your ability to see through a lie, though.

[Laughter]

 **Ned:** Cap knows my character would not hesitate in killing his if the situation was different, and he’s saying everything he can to avoid that happening.

 **Steve:** Yes.

> **Jak:** I just ask that once the orcs are dealt with, that you pack up your organization and get away from my city.

**Peter:** Annis studies you for a moment, and then she says,

> **Annis:** You’re very loyal to the city.
> 
> **Jak:** Yes.
> 
> **Annis:** Why? What does it offer you? What do you gain from protecting it, the way that you think you do?
> 
> **Jak:** I don’t think I understand your question.
> 
> **Annis:** Why offer your support to this particular city, when there are plenty other opportunities that you might take? You seem to be smart, strong… why offer those assets to the city of Quora, rather than take them someplace else?
> 
> **Jak:** I was raised in Quora. My parents were on the Watch as well. It was… it was never really an option _not_ to dedicate my life to protecting the city, since my parents gave theirs doing the same.
> 
> **Annis:** Hm, that outcome would make one think you’d go anywhere else, do any _thing_ else.
> 
> **Jak:** I don’t feel the same way.
> 
> **Annis:** Clearly.

**Peter:** She pauses, waiting for you to say anything else, if you _have_ anything else.

 **Ned:** I’m still waiting for her reply to my original request.

 **Peter:** Right. She stays silent, for a few more seconds, and then she says,

> **Annis:** Very well, Mr. Bennet. My group will vacate the forest as soon as we have confirmation that the threat we are meant to be dealing with has been taken care of. Does that suit your needs?
> 
> **Jak:** As best as it can, I suppose.

**Peter:** Uh, she nods.

 **Ned:** And I leave the tent.

 **Peter:** Great, meaning that Gray is alone with Annis.

> **Gray:** I’m sorry about that lie. I thought for sure it would work.
> 
> **Annis:** Hm, he was just more perceptive than your usual adversaries, that’s all. It’s fine.
> 
> **Gray:** I’m also sorry that I couldn’t find Arlo. I know this is just going to cause problems for us.
> 
> **Annis:** Only so long as he remains unfound. I have no doubts that we’ll be able to locate him, eventually, with your sister’s help. I’m surprised you did not take her with you into the city last night.
> 
> **Gray:** You know that Violet doesn’t do well in cities.

**Peter:** And Annis kind of sighs.

> **Annis:** Yes, that’s true, poor thing. Well, hopefully she won’t be opposed to helping you find him, although from what happened in here earlier, you might have to do some serious convincing.
> 
> **Gray:** She won’t argue if you ask her to.
> 
> **Annis:** You do not want to have to ask me to ask your sister to do things for you for the rest of your lives, dear.
> 
> **Gray:** No, I know that, but -

**Peter:** Uh, she shakes her head at you, and says,

> **Annis:** You should be talking with her right now, I think, instead of me.
> 
> **Gray:** You’re right. I uh - we’ll talk more later?

**Peter:** She nods.

 **Steve:** Okay, then I leave the tent.

 **Peter:** Great. Do you want to talk to Violet first, and _then_ we’ll deal with the card game bullshit, or do we want to get that out of the way now?

 **Steve:** I guess that depends on whether or not Tony’s made up his mind.

 **Tony:** I have not.

 **Steve:** There we go, then.

 **Peter:** Uh, all right. So, you sort of know, already, where Violet tends to go when she gets into one of her moods, like Ben so elegantly put it before, and you head there.

The two of you share a tent? I know that sounds strange, since you’re brother and sister, but it’s always been that way, and no one seems to think it should be any other way. Usually, Arlo will share the tent with the two of you, too, but he’s gone now.

Anyway, she doesn’t go _in_ the tent, she goes _behind_ it, when she wants to be alone. And really, at this point, if she wanted to be alone that much, she’d go someplace else, since basically everyone in the merc group knows where to go to find her.

And that _is_ where you find her, when you go looking. She is seated on a crate that she’s pulled back there, and she’s studying the edge of the forest, kind of looking at something only she can see. It’s something she’s always done, since you were kiddos. But she looks over at you, as you approach, and she scowls.

 **Violet:** Go away.

 **Steve:** Uh, I want to go over to where she’s sitting, and crouch down next to her.

 **Peter:** ‘kay. She kind of twists away from you, so that she isn’t facing in your direction, but she doesn’t get up to leave.

 **Steve:** Good, that’s a good sign. I guess I’ll say,

> **Gray:** You know that our relationship can’t be written off as a friendship, Vi. We’re _siblings_. I wouldn’t call us best friends, because the bond between the two of us is so much more than that. I’d thought you’d get that.

**Peter:** She, uh, she doesn’t respond, but her entire form slumps, a little.

> **Gray:** So, don’t - please don’t ever think someone could take your place, little sister. We’ve been together this long, and it’s going to stay that way, right? Wakefields first, ‘til the end.

**Peter:** After a long moment of silence, Violet turns towards you, still frowning, a little, but there’s also a glint of amusement in her eyes. And she says,

> **Violet:** That cheesy shit shouldn’t work on me the way that it does.
> 
> **Gray:** [chuckling] I think it’s safe to say there’s a reason it does.
> 
> **Violet:** You’re the worst, goofus.
> 
> **Gray:** Not as bad as you, doofus.

**Ned:** I hate that I am already _so invested_ in the relationship between these two characters, because I am not in charge of either one of them, and I have no _reason_ to be invested other than the fact that the roleplaying is _so good_.

[Laughter]

 **Peter:** [amused] Uh, so, Violet stands up, and glances at the woods again. And a crease forms between her eyebrows.

> **Gray:** What’re you looking at?

**Peter:** She starts, sort of, and looks at you.

> **Violet:** Nothing. Just getting lost in the trees. You know they like to talk to me.
> 
> **Gray:** Right. We should get some food in our bellies, before I head out to help deal with the orcs.
> 
> **Violet:** Mm, so you are going?
> 
> **Gray:** Yeah, what, you think Annis would let those three go alone without someone from our group with them?
> 
> **Violet:** Fair enough. You gonna need me to come with you?
> 
> **Gray.** [pause] No, I don’t think so, but… I do have something else I’ll need to ask you to do for me.

**Peter:** Uh -

 **Tony:** Are we going to ignore the fact that she thinks the trees talk to her, and that Steve _didn’t argue_?

 **Bruce:** Hush, you don’t know.

 **Peter:** [quietly] Yeah. [louder] Yeah! You _don’t_ know, Mr. Stark!

 **Ned:** I bet he’s jealous that he doesn’t have an NPC that his character’s close too.

 **Bruce:** Yeah, that’s probably it.

 **Tony:** I don’t - I’m always the bad guy. I should’ve made my character a villain, and screwed with all of you. [pause] You know what?

 **Steve:** Oh no.

 **Bruce:** _What_ _?_

 **Tony:** I’m _playing the game._ What am I rolling, Peter?

[Strained sounds. Someone holding back laughter]

 **Peter:** Uh, persuasion. Or deception. Depending on what you say to him.

 **Tony:** Great.

 **Peter:** And he’ll have the opportunity to roll insight against you.

 **Tony:** _Let him_.

 **Ned:** [crying] I don’t like this!

 **Peter:** Mr. Stark, if you _fail this roll_ , or if he _rolls higher than you,_  you will literally destroy this campaign for everyone. Do you realize that?

 **Tony:** Yep! And I’m ready for it! [ ‘By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes’](https://www.sparknotes.com/nofear/shakespeare/macbeth/page_132/), let’s do it.

 **Bruce:** Oh, that was good! Because it’s - he’s a bard, so he uses his thumbs to play his instruments, and he’s about the ruin everything, so wickedness is happening!

 **Tony:** At last, some appreciation.

 **Peter:** What do you say to him? Is it a lie, or is it a persuasion?

 **Tony:** It’s a lie.

> **Stony:** Uh, I’m sorry, friend, but I don’t let anyone else touch my cards. I received them long ago from my grandfather, you see, and they’re very important to me.

**Tony:** And I roll -

 **Peter:** As this is happening, uh, we’ll say that Gray and Violet return to the main camp, and, uh, Jak? Are you there, too?

 **Ned:** I guess I need to be, don’t I?

 **Peter:** Probably a good idea, yeah.

 **Tony:** Fifteen!

[Sounds of relief]

 **Peter:** Mm, don’t get too excited yet, boys. Duncan gets to roll to counter that.

 **Tony:** How high can his wisdom possibly be?

[Pause]

 **Peter:** Not high enough. He only got an eight.

[Cheering. Bruce laughing]

 **Ned:** Thank _God_.

 **Steve:** But now we have to hope that this game doesn’t go terribly.

 **Peter:** Yeah, so, I think the way I’ll run this is that we’ll both roll d20s, and you’ll have advantage, Mr. Stark, since the cards are fake.

 **Tony:** Fair enough.

 **Peter:** Okay. Duncan kinda leans back, then, and he waves his hand, in a sort of, ‘go on’ gesture.

 **Tony:** I deal the cards, which I’ve already shuffled.

 **Peter:** Half and half?

 **Tony:** Yep.

 **Peter:** Okay. And highest card gets the gold?

 **Tony:** Mhm.

 **Peter:** All right. Let’s roll.

[dice rolling]

 **Peter:** Twelve.

 **Tony:** Woof, I’m glad I have advantage. Sixteen.

 **Bruce:** The first one was a five.

 **Peter:** Yeah, so, you win. Congratulations.

 **Tony:** Yay!

 **Peter:** Duncan slides a gold coin towards you, and he says,

> **Duncan:** Lucky first run, pal.
> 
> **Stony:** I guess so. Lucky cards, my grandfather’s. Would you like another go?
> 
> **Duncan:** Sure, I suppose. Just one, though. I don’t have gold to throw away.
> 
> **Stony:** Not throwing away, good sir! Losing in a friendly game, maybe.
> 
> **Duncan:** Hah. You think you’re funny. Don’t like a guy who thinks he’s funny.

[Pause]

> **Stony:** So… another round?

[Laughter. Dice roll]

 **Tony:** Fourteen.

 **Peter:** [smugly] Eighteen.

 **Tony:** Crap! Well, gotta lose a few, or he’ll suspect something.

 **Peter:** Right. He snatches his coin, along with yours, with a grin.

> **Duncan:** Not so lucky after all, huh?
> 
> **Stony:** Cocky for a man who’s only won one round.
> 
> **Duncan:** Could say the same for you.
> 
> **Stony:** Perhaps we should do one more, just to bookend it?
> 
> **Duncan:** All right. Last one.

[Dice roll]

 **Tony:** Another sixteen.

 **Peter:** And another eight, dang it!

 **Tony:** Mhm. I take my gold back, thanks very much.

> **Stony:** Well, too bad, I guess. Better luck next time, if you want a next time.
> 
> **Pentan:** Yeah, uh, I think it’s high time we ate some food, and then got down to business.

**Ned:** [ To defeat the huns? ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVcLIfSC4OE)

**Bruce:** No, to deal with the orcs. What’re you talking about?

 **Ned:** Oh no!

 **Peter:** Doc, no!

 **Bruce:** What, what?

 **Tony:** I think the children are having an existential crisis because you apparently don’t know what [ _Mulan_ ](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120762/) is.

 **Steve:** The Disney movie?

 **Ned:** Even Cap knows what it is! Dr. Banner!

 **Bruce:** I’m sorry if I don’t have time to dedicate to watching _animated films_. I am a man of science.

 **Tony:** So? That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a good ol’ Disney flick.

 **Peter:** We’re cutting here. We have to make Doc watch _Mulan_ , now. It’s important. I won’t be able to DM the rest of the campaign until I know that he’s seen that movie. This is very important to me.

 **Steve:** Sounds good! I’ve never seen it either, I don’t think.

 **Ned:** He’s never even _seen it_ , and he knows what it is, and he was _frozen in ice for seventy years_. Dr. _Banner_.

 **Bruce:** _What?_  We’re gonna rectify it. Yeesh.

 **Tony:** Disney eventually comes into everything, doesn’t it?

~ END OF TRANSMISSION - LOGGED AUGUST 23rd ~


	7. Chapter 1 - Session 4 - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony realizes that he's been sort of mean, and... It Gets Better??
> 
> No, of course not. It Gets Worse!

~ START OF TRANSMISSION  - AVENGERS COMPOUND - AUGUST 31st ~

 **Bruce:** I don’t remember what happened last time, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

 **Peter:** Uhm -

 **Tony:** I’ll take this one, Pete. Fucking nothing happened.

 **Peter:** See, that isn’t true.

 **Ned:** We met like, at _least_ five new characters.

 **Steve:** I have a _sister_.

 **Bruce:** Oh, yeah. Her nickname is sweetpea. I remember now.

 **Steve:** I still want to know what my nickname is.

 **Peter:** Well, if we could get into the roleplaying, and the Dungeons and Dragonsing, maybe you’ll find out.

 **Tony:** Well, then, King Dungeon Master, get us started.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh, so we ended last time right after Loki had stolen three gold pieces from an unsuspecting dwarven mercenary named Duncan, and Pentan had declared that it was time for breakfast. So, uh, if you guys want to have breakfast with this group, we can do that, or we can just cut right into the action part of this session that I have planned. I’m down with either.

 **Tony:** Oh my God, we actually get a _choice?_

 **Peter:** Okay, listen -

 **Ned:** _I’ve_ never been forced to do anything.

 **Bruce:** Me, either. What happened to you today, Tony? You’re already being nasty.

 **Tony:** What do you mean? I’m being my normal self.

 **Steve:** Maybe we should… I - how important is a _bard_ to our party?

[Pause]

 **Tony:** Hang on a second. I hope you’re not thinking of making me leave. It was my idea to do this.

 **Peter:** We’re not forcing anybody to stop playing. I can - Mr. Stark doesn’t mean any of it. He’s just… he’s just kind of an asshole by nature. We all know this.

[Pause]

 **Peter:** Okay, so… breakfast or not?

 **Bruce:** Breakfast, I think.

 **Steve:** Yeah, I’d like to do breakfast, too.

 **Ned:** I mean, I would rather get _away_ from the group of mercenaries, but… it would be an interesting thing to play through.

 **Peter:** Mr. Stark?

 **Tony:** Uh, yeah. Breakfast is fine.

 **Peter:** Okay. So, you all sort of help the mercenaries drag together a bunch of crates and barrels, and set them up as a really long table in a blank space in the camp. Uh -

 **Ned:** DM, I wanted to ask you about how these mercs kind of get from place to place. Did you mention anything about, like, wagons, or horses, last time?

 **Peter:** No, I didn’t, which I feel like maybe I should have, because transportation of all those crates and tents I talked about last session would be difficult without at least a couple of wagons. So, uh, yeah, they… we’ll say that they have three wagons, and three, uh, sets of horses to pull them. All six horses are just hanging out on the edge of camp, tied to a post that someone’s hammered into the ground. They’re eating breakfast, too!

 **Ned:** Okay, great, and I’m going to need you to tell me the names of all six horses, as well as what colors they are.

[Snickering]

 **Peter:** Uh… I won’t be doing that. So, yeah, everyone settles down around this makeshift table, and the elves that were making breakfast serve it, and uh… it’s actually kind of crazy, how civilized these mercs are. The dishes of quiche get passed around the table, with everyone waiting their turn for the food to reach them. They aren’t, like, diving for plates in the middle of the table, it’s not a free-for-all… it’s like… well, think of like all those movies where families are having dinner at the end, and all the plates are getting handed around the table to everybody, and they’re all smiling. It’s like that.

 **Steve:** We’re not _animals._

[Laughter]

 **Peter:** Uh -

 **Tony:** Pete?

 **Peter:** Yeah?

 **Tony:** I’m sorry.

[Pause]

 **Peter:** About what?

 **Tony:** You know what. For being an asshole about all this. I don’t… I shouldn’t, because you really didn’t _have_ to DM this, setup a campaign for us to play, and I do appreciate you taking the time to do it. It’s… I think it’s going to be really good, and it’s already been a lot of fun, so I apologize if I haven’t really acted that way.

 **Bruce:** Wow.

 **Steve:** That was very good, Tony.

 **Tony:** Don’t patronize me, Stars and Stripes. I don’t need it from you.

 **Peter:** Thank you, Mr. Stark. Apology accepted. Could we… uh, maybe move on?

 **Tony:** [quietly] Please. That entire speech made me very uncomfortable.

[Laughter]

 **Peter:** [amused] Okay. So, yeah, everyone gets a slice of quiche, and you all dig in, and it is… it is the _best_ quiche you’ve ever had in your entire lives. Pentan and Gray are actually probably the ones who’ve actually had quiche before, so uh, for Stony and Jak, it is -

[Exclamations of ‘Whoa!’ and ‘What did he just say?’]

 **Peter:** What? What happened?

 **Ned:** [disbelieving] You just said _‘_ _Stony'_.

 **Peter:** [pause] No I didn’t.

 **Tony:** Yes you did! [Bruce chortling] You did! Aw, kid!

 **Peter:** [sighing] Okay, you assholes, it isn’t that big of a deal. It _is_ his character’s name.

 **Tony:** The point is you’ve never used it before now! I think we should all immediately level up or something from that.

 **Peter:** [laughing] But it wasn’t anything any of _you_ did!

 **Steve:** It was crazy enough to turn the world upside down. We should get _something._

 **Peter:** Ugh, uh, okay, fine. You, uh, Annis looks up from her food, seemingly just thinking of something, and she says,

> **Annis:** If the four of you want, you can go through our weapon artillery before you head off to the orc gathering, just so that you’re as prepared as you can be.

**Peter:** There. I wasn’t going to do that until after you dealt with the orcs, but now it’s happening, like, thirty minutes earlier. Congratulations.

 **Bruce:** Nothing about that helps me at all!

 **Peter:** Sure it does! You could pick out a cool dagger or something.

 **Ned:** Yeah. Grab one of those [ ebony daggers from Skyrim ](http://elderscrolls.wikia.com/wiki/Ebony_Dagger_\(Skyrim\)) that you like so much.

 **Bruce:** Ah, those can’t be canonical.

 **Peter:** Well, if you would’ve _waited,_  I would’ve told you guys all about the canonical fantasy artillery tent that the Legionnaires are in possession of, but since you wanted a _reward_ -

[Protesting]

 **Peter:** \- for something none of you did, you won’t get to have any of that. Not at this point, anyway.

 **Steve:** But we’ll have to, won’t we? Because we’re going to be going through it?

 **Peter:** … okay, here’s the thing.

[Ned laughing]

 **Peter:** I shouldn’t have given you the choice to do breakfast.

 **Tony:** Okay, we’re eating breakfast! Let’s roleplay. Who’s sitting where?

 **Peter:** That’s up to you guys. I’m assuming, Gray, that you’re sitting near Violet, and that both of you are near Annis and Ben at the head of the table?

 **Steve:** That makes sense, sure.

 **Peter:** Okay, and then the other three… are you all kind of bunched together, spread out, what?

 **Bruce:** I want to have sat next to the elves we talked to last session.

 **Tony:** Oh, yeah! They were cool.

 **Peter:** Okay. So, you two are seated next to, uh, Varo and Omar, the elves that you met last session who were kind of in charge of cooking. And… Jak?

 **Ned:** I think I’m not even sitting near the table. I took some food, and I walked off to eat by myself.

 **Peter:** Okay, I can get behind that. Uh, Ben actually gets up from his own spot at the table, seeing you walk away, and after exchanging a look with Annis, he goes over to join you.

> **Ben:** Don’t want to eat with the rest of us?
> 
> **Jak:** What? Oh, uh, no, thank you. I’m just…
> 
> **Ben:** You don’t like us. I get that.
> 
> **Jak:** It isn’t that.
> 
> **Ben:** Sure it isn’t. It’s all right, boyo; I know all about the tension between the city watches and merc groups. I don’t hold anything against ya.

**Peter:** And, oddly enough, Jak, you kinda get the same vibe from this dwarf that you get from your watch captain, Owen Fontayne. You’re not entirely sure where the similarity is coming from, but it is definitely there.

 **Ned:** Okay. I uh, I kinda let my shoulders relax, a little.

> **Jak:** I know it isn’t really fair of me, to be making assumptions. I mean, people do it about me all the time.
> 
> **Ben:** Because of who you are?
> 
> **Jak:** Yeah. They don’t expect orcs to be walking around cities carrying weapons and protecting the walls, you know? They find it very hard to trust me.
> 
> **Ben:** Well, I guess that’s something you and us mercs have in common then, isn’t it?
> 
> **Jak:** … yeah, I guess so.

**Tony:** Uh, while this is happening, Stony is trying to get Pentan and the two elves to start a food fight with him.

[Laughter]

 **Peter:**   _Why?_

 **Tony:** I’m trying to make this fun. I also want to gain some experience, and I think a food fight is a good way to do that.

 **Bruce:** Pentan is adamantly disagreeing with him.

> **Pentan:** You don’t want to throw food at these people.
> 
> **Stony:** Why not? It could be a good time.
> 
> **Pentan:** I doubt they’ll think so, especially the people who _cooked the food._

**Peter:** Yeah, Varo and Omar are just like, staring at you, like, ‘This guy’s gotta be insane, right?’

> **Stony:** None of you have any idea of fun.

**Peter:** Further up the table, though, uh, Violet is flinging some of the peas that were in the quiche she chose across the table at Gray.

 **Tony:** Ah, yeah, _she_ gets it!

 **Steve:** Yeah, this is a normal meal time occurrence. Gray’s ignoring her.

 **Peter:** Okay. [dice roll] Uh, she manages to flick one in such a way that it hits you square in the eye.

[Tony snickering]

 **Peter:** I’d probably retaliate, Cap, because I doubt she’s going to stop until you do.

[Steve sighing]

 **Bruce:** They’re teaming up with one another to start a _food fight._

 **Peter:** It could be fun!

 **Steve:** I flick a pea back at her.

 **Tony:** _Yes._

 **Peter:** Okay!

 **Steve:** It hits her on the forehead.

 **Peter:** Yes, it does! And she retaliates, only her pea kind of goes haywire, and splats against Annis’s cheek. And the merc group’s leader’s eye twitches, kind of. And she pushes back from the table, standing up to her full height of… three and a half feet, and she looks between the two of you, for a very long, tense moment, before she picks up two handfuls of her own piece of quiche, and… flings them at you.

[Tony laughing. Bruce trying not to laugh. Steve sighing again]

 **Peter:** And both pieces make their marks on your faces, and… the fight breaks out.

 **Tony:** Stony climbs up onto the table amidst the food flying through the air, holding his plate up over his head, and he very loudly proclaims:

> **Stony:** CIVILIZED MY ASS!

**Tony:** And he dumps his quiche onto Pentan’s head.

 **Ned:** [laughing] Meanwhile Jak and Ben have their backs turned to the massacre, and they have no idea what’s happening.

 **Peter:** That is a _very good_ picture. Just, food flying through the air, Stony standing on top of the table holding an empty plate, Pentan has quiche slowly sliding off of his head, and just, Jak and Ben are oblivious to it all.

 **Bruce:** Uh, I use Mage Hand to push Stony off the table.

[Laughter]

 **Bruce:** Oh, wait, I don’t think I can. Mage Hand can’t be used in attacks. Damn it! Okay, I’ll just use it to dump my own plate over his head.

 **Peter:** [amused] Okay! So, this big, glowing hand appears out of thin air, picks up Pentan’s plate of food, and lifts it into the air.

 **Tony:** Can I roll dexterity to avoid it?

 **Peter:** Yes.

 **Tony:** Seventeen.

 **Peter:** Uh, okay. Stony easily sidesteps and avoids the food that the Mage Hand attempts to dump onto his head.

 **Bruce:** Crap.

 **Peter:** Food is still flying, although quiche doesn’t make for much quantity, which means people are sort of running out of things to throw. Most everyone has remnants somewhere, either in their hair or on their faces, on their armor. It’s all a huge mess. And after a couple more seconds, Annis climbs up onto the table, kind of laughing, and she says,

> **Annis:** All right, all right, everybody settle down. That was fun, but we really need to avoid breaking out into a fight like that at every meal, or none of us is going to be fit to do our normal work.

**Peter:** And she looks down at Gray and Violet.

> **Annis:** You two are a bad influence.
> 
> **Gray:** Thank you, ma’am.
> 
> **Violet:** Just doing what we do best, Annis!

**Peter:** So, anyway, after that happened, uh… the mercenaries kind of salvage what they can, you all finish eating, and then… it’s time to start the actual point of this session of the D&D campaign.

 **Tony:** But the food fight was fun, right? Everyone has to say that, at least.

[Distant agreement from someone]

 **Tony:** You guys don’t have any idea what a good time is.

 **Peter:** Uh…

 **Ned:** DM, uhm, are we four just the ones going to talk to the orcs, or is Annis sending other people with us, too?

 **Peter:** Good question. Once everything’s been organized after the Quiche Food Fight, uh, Annis sort of gathers you all together near the place that you entered camp, and she says,

> **Annis:** Are you all ready to do this?
> 
> **Pentan:** I was told we’d get to pick through your armory.

[Steve laughing]

 **Ned:** I almost forgot about that.

 **Peter:** I _did_ forget about that.

 **Tony:** I don’t want to do it.

 **Bruce:** Why not?

 **Tony:** What are you and I going to find there? We’re not fighters.

 **Peter:** Well -

 **Ned:** Yes, this is the point where Peter pulls out some magic DM stuff and makes it so that the fucking mercenary group’s armory has magical items in it, too.

 **Bruce:** Magical items that will give my spellcasting DC a bonus, hopefully.

 **Peter:** [amused] You want something like that, huh?

 **Bruce:** Well, yeah! I want something like [ Taako’s umbrella](http://theadventurezone.wikia.com/wiki/Umbra_Staff).

 **Ned:** No, you don’t.

 **Bruce:** Sure I do!

 **Ned:** No, Doc, believe me. You don’t.

 **Peter:** Stop spoiling things, Ned!

 **Ned:** I didn’t spoil anything!

 **Tony:** What are you guys even talking about?

 **Steve:** I also have no idea what’s going on.

 **Tony:** Well, that isn’t new.

 **Peter:** Children! How much discourse are we going to have here?

 **Ned:**[This is so sad. FRIDAY, play](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/this-is-so-sad-alexa-play-despacito) [_We’re All In This Together_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbrbUfYSt0E).

[The faint sound of _We’re All In This Together_ from [ _High School Musical_ ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High_School_Musical) playing]

 **Peter:** Mr. Stark’s eye is twitching, I just know it.

 **Tony:** I can’t believe I let you convince me to code this feature into FRIDAY’s system. And both of you are too young to know what this movie is.

 **Ned:** False!

 **Tony:** FRIDAY, stop the music.

[Silence]

 **Tony:** Thank you. Now, are we doing the armory thing or not?

 **Peter:** Uh, Annis seems to debate it for a second, and then she says,

> **Annis:** I think we’ll have to wait and see if you can gain access to our armory, based on what happens with the orcs. We don’t let just anyone poke their heads in there, after all.

**Peter:** And she gestures towards a tent that has two mercs standing in front of it, like they’re guarding it.

> **Stony:** So, what’s the deal with it, then? You got, like, every kind of weapon known to man or whatever?
> 
> **Annis:** And then some.
> 
> **Pentan:** Hm. And what about… magical artifacts?
> 
> **Annis:** Like I said, I’ll let you in on more information about it when you help deal with the orcs.

**Peter:** Uh -

 **Steve:** I know what’s in there.

[Mixed sounds of “Well good for you!” and grunting]

[Steve chuckling]

 **Peter:** If we could get started with the orc stuff, maybe the mystery will end sooner rather than later.

 **Bruce:** You’re the one who gave us to option to do breakfast first. We got sidetracked.

 **Peter:** All right, fair enough. My bad. Uh, so, Annis kinda looks around at all of you for a second, and then she says,

> **Annis:** I’d like to send Ben with the four of you, too, if that’s all right.
> 
> **Jak:** Fine.
> 
> **Annis:** Just as some extra muscle, in case anything goes poorly.
> 
> **Stony:** Mm, and knowing us, things will only go poorly, so, probably a good idea.
> 
> [General sounds of agreement]
> 
> **Annis:** Okay.

**Peter:** And she waves Ben over.

> **Annis:** You’ll go with them, yeah?
> 
> **Ben:** Sure.
> 
> **Annis:** Thank you.

**Peter:** To the rest of you, she says,

> **Annis:** I don’t imagine this to take long, but I would be wary of some things. Orcs aren’t the friendliest, especially to uninvited guests. Mr. Bennet, you probably know that.
> 
> **Jak:** Mhm.
> 
> **Annis:** So, be aware of that, and just… try not to interfere in any place other than trying to figure out what their plan is, going forward.
> 
> **Pentan:** Don’t worry. We’ll be able to do this, no problem.
> 
> **Stony:** Well, don’t give her false hope, Robes.
> 
> **Pentan:** I think you’re giving low standards to us for no reason, Songbird.

[Assorted noises; giggling, snorting, and outrage from Tony]

 **Tony:** _Songbird?_  Are you _kidding_ me?

 **Bruce:** My nicknames come from the heart.

 **Tony:** [complaining] DM…

 **Peter:** He made a character choice. Hey, Doc, take an inspiration point!

 **Bruce:** Yay!

 **Tony:** For coming up with dumb nicknames?

 **Bruce:** What’s an inspiration point do?

 **Peter:** You can spend it to gain advantage on any role you choose.

 **Bruce:** Oh, good! Probably gonna need that.

 **Steve:** Peter, can I talk to Violet really quick before we go?

 **Peter:** Yeah, uh, she’s been sort of standing off to the side during your conversation with Annis, but when Annis walks away, leaving Ben with the four of you, uh, she walks over.

> **Violet:** Gonna be able to handle a job without my help?
> 
> **Gray:** I was doing jobs before you were even a concept, Vi.
> 
> **Violet:** Gross! I didn’t need to hear that. Uh… be careful, though, okay?
> 
> **Gray:** Think I can’t take care of myself?

**Peter:** [amused] She, uh, kinda punches your shoulder, but she’s smiling.

> **Violet:** Dingus.

**Peter:** And she walks off. Ben turns to the rest of you, and he says,

> **Ben:** All right, boys, I’m not gonna take a pretense and try to pretend that I’m in charge of this expedition or anything ridiculous like that, but I do want you all to know that if you fuck this up, we’re all going to be in serious trouble, so… try to avoid that.

**Ned:** Wow, really love this guy’s vote of confidence.

 **Peter:** Uh, and with that, Ben heads out of the camp. You all follow, yeah?

[Sounds of agreement]

 **Peter:** Okay. He takes the path that you all had followed only an hour or two before, when you’d been coming to the camp, although at some point he takes a different fork in the road and heads away from Quora, rather than towards it. You’re all kind of grateful that you have Ben with you, because otherwise, you’d have no idea where you were going.

Uh, and you all walk along this forest road for awhile. Are you all sort of keeping to yourselves, or are you talking to one another?

 **Ned:** I’ve separated myself from all of them.

 **Peter:** [amused] Fair enough.

 **Steve:** I think Gray would be talking to Ben, probably. About Arlo.

 **Tony:** Stony is seeing how many stones he can managed to get into the hood on Pentan’s robe before he notices.

 **Peter:** What? Why?

 **Tony:** Because he’s an asshole.

 **Bruce:** Hey!

 **Tony:** Because _Stony’s_ an asshole.

 **Bruce:** Oh, okay. I thought you were saying because Pentan’s an asshole, and I was going to say…

 **Peter:** Uh, okay, anyway, as you all are walking, Ben and Gray at the head of the group, Pentan behind them, Stony behind him, and Jak kinda a distance away, we’ll say sort of off to the side of the road, which is like, ten feet away, uh… roll… perception checks. All of you.

 **Ned:** Uh-oh. We’re all gonna get eaten by bugbears.

 **Tony:** What’s a bugbear?

[Dice rolling]

 **Ned:** I got 17.

 **Bruce:** Uh, 20.

 **Steve:** 16.

 **Tony:** … 2.

[Laughter]

 **Peter:** And Ben got a 14, which doesn’t - okay, uh, Pentan, you uh, you see movement, out of the corner of your eye, on the side of the road that Jak is walking along. Uh, Jak, you hear something, but you don’t really see anything, ‘cause of the way that the sun is sort of making shadows, and Gray? You hear something, too.

 **Steve:** Okay, I stop walking, and I turn in the direction that I heard it come from.

 **Bruce:** Yeah, I stop, too.

 **Peter:** Great, and when you do, the hood of your robe kinda whips out, when you turn to look in the direction you saw the movement in, and it smacks Stony in the face.

 **Tony:** What, why?

 **Peter:** Because you rolled a two. [dice roll] You take one damage.

 **Tony:** I hate you.

 **Peter:** Uh, Pentan, you see a large shape move between the trees on the side of the road.

 **Bruce:** Okay, I want to, uh, kind of call to Jak:

> **Pentan:** There’s something in the woods!

**Ned:** And I’ll move closer to the middle of the road, and pull out my axe as I do so.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh… roll initiative.


	8. Chapter 1 - Session 4 - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starting out with a fight! Spoiler alert: someone rolls a high roll on an action that does not deserve a high roll, and It Gets Worse!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, it's Wiggs, your author, your dungeon master (technically), and your... rock 'n' roll hall of famer.  
> Uh, just wanted to say a quick thank you to everyone who's been reading, and hasn't stopped reading! I really appreciate all of you.  
> The holidays are fast approaching, which means updates might be a little weird, so I apologize for that, but I hope that you all have a good time celebrating with friends or family, or both. Or yourselves, if that's what you prefer, but if you can find someone to celebrate with, you should really do that.  
> Anyway, that's all.

**Ned:** A fight!

 **Steve:** I haven’t done one of these.

 **Peter:** We should mark the occasion; Cap’s first fight!

[Dice rolling]

 **Bruce:** 11.

 **Tony:** 22, thank God.

 **Peter:** Wow, okay.

 **Ned:** 16.

 **Steve:** 17.

 **Peter:** Mm, not the best spread, but… I guess it’s okay. Uh, Ben got a 14, and your foe got a… 7, so.

 **Steve:** Good for us.

 **Peter:** Yeah, it could’ve been much worse. So, Stony, you’re up first.

 **Tony:** Great, I’m going to, uh, move away from wherever the enemy is, as far as I can.

[Pause]

 **Peter:** Are you really?

 **Tony:** Well, what do you expect me to do instead? Go into the woods and find it?

 **Peter:** Uhm, okay, I guess. Is your speed 30?

 **Tony:** Yes.

 **Peter:** All right, and… do you move further up the road, off the side of the road into the trees there, what?

 **Tony:** … I guess I’ll go… twenty feet down the road, in the direction of where Gray and Ben are.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh, and that’s your move, then. Gray, you’re up next.

 **Steve:** I have a bow and arrows, right?

 **Peter:** I think so.

 **Tony:** You’re going to try and shoot it? You didn’t even see it.

 **Steve:** That doesn’t mean I can’t. Can I roll another perception?

 **Peter:** Uh, yeah, sure. Go for it.

 **Steve:** [dice roll] Another 17.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh, you think you see movement, in the trees, but you can’t tell what’s moving, and you can’t tell how big the thing is, either.

 **Steve:** I want to shoot it.

 **Peter:** Okay. I’m gonna give you disadvantage, since you don’t know what you’re shooting at.

 **Steve:** What am I rolling, though, exactly?

 **Peter:** For ranged attacks, you’d roll a d20, and add your dexterity modifier, and your proficiency bonus, if you’re proficient in martial weapons.

 **Steve:** Okay. [dice roll] That’s 8, plus… three, altogether, which is 11.

 **Peter:** Not gonna do it.

 **Steve:** Damn.

 **Peter:** You release your arrow, and it flies into the trees.

 **Steve:** Well, I gave it a shot.

 **Peter:** Ned, you’re next.

 **Ned:** I didn’t see it either, right?

 **Peter:** No.

 **Ned:** Okay, then I’m just gonna… delay my turn, I guess. I don’t want to go plunging into the woods without knowing if anyone’s gonna be behind me.

 **Peter:** All right, uh Ben pulls out an axe, too, and he walks over to where Jak is standing, so that he’s closer to where the enemy might be, in case it decides to actually come out of the woods. And, now it’s Doc’s turn.

> **Pentan:** Don’t worry, boys! I’ve got this.

**Bruce:** And since I saw the thing, I’m going to cast fire bolt in the general direction of where it was.

 **Peter:** Ranged spell attack.

 **Bruce:** Okay. That’s d20 plus wisdom and proficiency, so… 17!

 **Peter:** That’s a hit. Uh, Pentan shoots a ray of fire in the direction of the woods to the right side of the road, and you all hear a growl come from that direction. Uh, roll damage.

 **Bruce:** Which is a 1d10… 6.

 **Peter:** Pretty good.

 **Steve:** Good job, Doc.

 **Bruce:** Thank you.

 **Peter:** Uh, next up is this enemy, and… sort of as a response to being set aflame by a bolt of fire, uh, a rather large, probably the size of a [ Volkswagen Beetle](https://www.google.com/search?q=volkswagen+beetle&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjhoNnu4qreAhWF0FQKHWS7AtUQ_AUIDigB&biw=685&bih=616#), uh, [ owlbear ](http://dnd.wizards.com/dungeons-and-dragons/what-is-dnd/monsters/owlbear) comes lumbering out of the trees, and pauses on the edge of the road. And it swivels its head, as it take all of you in, and it makes an ungodly noise. And from the other side of the road, a second owlbear emerges from the trees, and mimics the sound. This one is smaller.

 **Tony:** Yikes. I’m glad I ran away.

 **Peter:** Since they’re out of range, that means we’re back to the top of the order. Stony.

 **Tony:** I’m going to go into the woods, real quick, and maybe grab a stick or something -

 **Ned:** [laughing] Why is throwing sticks a theme with you?

 **Tony:** I can’t do magic! And I don’t have any combat skills! My sticks and my music are all I’ve got.

 **Peter:** Uh, okay. You grab a stick. What the hell are you going to do with it?

 **Tony:** Throw it!

 **Peter:** [tired] At what? Or where?

 **Tony:** Into the trees behind the second bear thing. To try and distract it.

 **Peter:** You are twenty feet away.

 **Tony:** I’m going to throw it good.

 **Peter:** Okay, but this time, I’m not… we’re doing this right. You’re making a ranged attack.

 **Tony:** Dexterity, fine. That’s higher than my strength, anyway. [Dice rolls] 22! Natural 20!

 **Peter:** You’ve got to be kidding.

 **Bruce:** [quietly] He’s not. I saw him roll it.

 **Peter:** Crap. Uh… okay, I guess you… you fuckin’ fling this stick into the woods behind the second owlbear, the one that came out on the left side of the road. And it makes a lot of noise. And the owlbear, uh, it sort of - you see the feathers on its shoulders lower, and it sort looks in the direction that the stick flew, and then it sort of lumbers off that way.

> **Stony:** You’re welcome, everybody. No need to thank me.
> 
> **Jak:** Well, that’s good, because I wasn’t going to.

**Peter:** Uh, Cap, you’re next.

 **Steve:** I am going to put my bow away, draw my sword, and get closer to the owlbear. And try to hit it.

 **Peter** : Great. Go for it.

[Dice roll]

 **Steve:** 24.

[Bruce whistles]

 **Peter:** Uh, yeah, that hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

 **Steve:** That’s a 5.

 **Ned:** Still good, though.

 **Peter:** Yeah, that was a good attack. Ned?

 **Ned:** I’m gonna hit it too.

 **Peter:** Should’ve expected that. Go ahead.

[Dice roll]

 **Ned:** 16.

 **Peter:** That’s a hit.

 **Ned:** 6 damage.

 **Peter:** Okay, well, this owlbear is bloodied. Uh, Ben is going to cross to the other side of the road, and look through the trees, there, to see if the other owlbear actually went away, since the two of you are handling this one pretty okay. Uh, Doc.

 **Bruce:** I’m gonna magic missile him.

 **Peter:** Okay. Roll damage.

[Dice roll]

 **Tony:** You’d think for a bunch of level twos, this fight would’ve been more difficult.

 **Peter:** Well, you got rid of one of my enemies, so I don’t know what you want from me.

 **Tony:** I should’ve got an inspiration point for _that_.

 **Peter:** Doc?

 **Bruce:** I rolled 3, plus 1 is four, and I get an extra missile, since I’m level two, now.

 **Peter:** Oh, yeah. So, uh, the owlbear gets pelted with four glowing darts, and uh, it’s dead.

[Pause]

 **Steve:** Well, that was quick.

[Laughter]

 **Peter:** Yeah, uh, that went a lot faster than it was supposed to. I probably should’ve - well, no, because you were supposed to fight two of them!

 **Tony:** Don’t hate me because I thought on my feet and managed to roll a kick ass number.

 **Peter:** Whatever. Uh, Ben sort of stares into the woods for a couple more seconds, and then he snorts and looks at you, Stony.

> **Ben:** Can’t believe that worked. Quick thinking.
> 
> **Stony:** I do my best.
> 
> **Jak:** We could’ve handled it.
> 
> **Ben:** Sure, but why use more energy than necessary?

**Peter:** Uhm -

 **Tony:** You got told by an NPC.

 **Ned:** Yeah, whatever.

 **Peter:** So, uh, you all solved my owlbear puzzle. Congratulations. Let’s keep going, then.

Ben takes the lead, again, and you all continue down the road once more.

 **Ned:** Uh, Jak, notably, doesn’t move away from Gray.

 **Peter:** Hey, I’ll say whether or not something’s notable. [Pause] Jak notably does not move away from Gray.

[Laughter]

 **Ned:** In fact, Jak says,

> **Jak:** That was a good hit. How long have you been a fighter?
> 
> **Gray:** Since I was old enough to hold a sword without it weighing me down.
> 
> **Jak:** Huh. Who taught you?
> 
> **Gray:** It was mostly just me, actually. Self-taught, self-trained. I’ve only really been able to work with others for maybe five years, since Violet and I joined the Legionnaires.
> 
> **Jak:** Five years is a pretty long time.
> 
> **Gray:** Not really. Not from our perspective. It was the first place we found that we actually fit into. Before that, though, Annis was friends with our parents. That’s part of the reason we were able to join up, actually.
> 
> **Jak:** And… what happened to your parents?

[Pause]

> **Gray:** I, uh, I don’t really know, actually. They just left, one day, and… didn’t come back? I don’t know. I try not to think about it too much.
> 
> **Jak:** Oh, all right. Sorry.
> 
> **Gray:** No, don’t worry about it. It’s uh - it’s okay.

**Tony:** [stage-whisper] Are they dead?

 **Peter:** Who?

 **Tony:** Gray’s parents.

 **Peter:** He doesn’t know. And you wouldn’t, either, since you weren’t part of that conversation.

 **Tony:** I was listening!

 **Bruce:** Uh, Pentan kinda slide back towards the two of them and says,

> **Pentan:** Hard to hear. I was raised by my uncle.

**Peter:** Aw, Doc.

 **Bruce:** Yes, I drew inspiration from you, and from [ John Hancock](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Hancock).

> **Pentan:** I didn’t really know my parents.
> 
> **Gray:** No, I _knew_ mine.
> 
> **Pentan:** That’s what I’m trying to say; it must’ve be difficult, for you.
> 
> **Gray:** It still is. Violet took it harder than I did, though. She was really close to our mother.
> 
> **Stony:** I was close to my mother, too. [Pause] My dad was kind of an asshole, but, y’know, he taught me most of what I know.

**Steve:** That’s pretty in line with real life.

 **Tony:** Yeah, well… I’m not _that_ creative. Maybe I’ll be able to come to terms with it all, this way, who knows?

> **Stony:** They, uh - well, we were all part of the same troupe, and we kind of got ransacked by some bandits, one night, while on the road. Most of the troupe was killed, including my parents. Those of us that survived couldn’t stick together without the leadership of my dad, and so we went our separate ways. That was… wow, almost eight years ago.

**Bruce:** [amused] Tony’s reading straight off of his character sheet.

 **Tony:** I’m not good at _emotion._

 **Peter:** Yeah, and when did this become character backstory sharing time?

 **Ned:** I figured that, since the fight got cut short, we could use the extra time.

 **Peter:** Well, time’s up, because uh, you’ve arrived at the outskirts of the orc gathering.

 **Bruce:** Oh, no. I’m not ready.

 **Peter:** Uh, so, from where Ben’s sort of indicated you all to stop, on the edge of the road, you can see that there’s a clearing, of sorts, a little ways ahead in the woods. And this clearing is just, chock-full of tents and different fire pits. There are wagons everywhere. There are weapons racks everywhere. Chests everywhere. Crates, boxes, so much stuff! This is very clearly a trading outpost that the orcs have created, and it looks pretty permanent, from where you’re standing.

 **Ned:** [quietly] [ Tsh, not good. ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCBu1Qdl9Po)

**Peter:** A little racist.

 **Ned:** I just - the second part of the Vine. That’s it. Like, ‘I just found out something bad. Not good.’

 **Bruce:** What’s the reference?

 **Ned:** There’s a Vine of a kid saying, “So, I just found out about ISIS. Not good.”

 **Peter:** And I said that it was racist that Ned was equating ISIS to these orcs.

 **Ned:** Which I wasn’t. I was just making the connection finding out something not good.

 **Tony:** I don’t - young people scare me.

 **Peter:** Anyway, uh, Ben kinda examines this camp-slash-outpost-slash-clearly gonna be here awhile area, and then he turns to the four of you, and he says,

> **Ben:** So, this looks a lot more serious than we thought it was going to be.
> 
> **Stony:** They’re _established._
> 
> **Ben:** I’ve noticed.

**Peter:** And he points out one area of the clearing.

> **Ben:** They’ve set up a forge, even. That implies that they have plans to stay here for quite some time, which is something we have to convince them _not_ to do.
> 
> **Jak:** I can handle that.
> 
> **Ben:** Son -
> 
> **Jak:** Listen, these are my people. I can talk to them, and I think it’s the best choice if I’m the one to go ahead into camp, and kind of make the first move.
> 
> **Pentan:** I don’t think you going in alone is very smart, Treetop.

[Laughter]

 **Ned:** [crying] _Treetop?_  What does that even _mean?_

 **Bruce:** [indignant] Well, you’re _tall,_  right? Trees are _tall._

 **Tony:** It’s eighty times better than _my_ nickname.

 **Steve:** I want to know mine, still.

 **Bruce:** Your time will come.

 **Peter:** Uh, Ben says,

> **Ben:** The wizard has a point. I think it would be smart to send at least one other person in there with you.
> 
> **Jak:** The goal here is solidarity. If I go in with a half-elf, a human, or a dwarf, we’ll both be screwed. If I go in there alone, there’ll be less problems. Trust me.

**Peter:** What do the rest of you think?

> **Stony:** I think… it’d be a good idea to have a… code, of some kind. In case things get hairy, y’know? So you can call for us.
> 
> **Jak:** Like what?
> 
> **Pentan:** A bird call!
> 
> **Gray:** That would probably be the easiest thing to do.
> 
> **Jak:** Fine, if I need help, I’ll go… uh, “[Caw-caw.](https://youtu.be/8z735IxViMM?t=67)” Sound good?
> 
> **Stony:** That sounds nothing like a bird.
> 
> **Jak:** Kind of the point. Who knows if you would recognize it as me if I did an actual bird call?
> 
> **Stony:** But that fakeness detracts from the element of surprise.
> 
> **Jak:** Look -
> 
> **Ben:** Uh, “caw-caw” sounds fine. Just… try not to get killed before you can signal us, all right?
> 
> **Jak:** Don’t worry, and don’t worry if I don’t signal you, either. It’s going to be fine.

**Ned:** And I walk into the clearing.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh, so, there are orcs walking around, grunting to one another in their language. Uh, Jak, one thing that you have a definite advantage on, here, is that you can understand Orc, correct?

 **Ned:** Mhm, it’s one of my known languages.

 **Peter:** Right, so, as you walk into the camp, and you get closer to some of these orcs, you can make out what they’re saying, and it really doesn’t sound great, in terms of these orcs leaving, any time soon.

 **Ned:** Could I get some of what I’m hearing?

 **Peter:** Sure. You pass by two orcs who are sort of mumbling to one another, and you hear one of them say,

> **Orc 1:** [gruff] We’ll need to clear away more of the trees, soon.
> 
> **Orc 2:** Janssen wants to spread out further, huh?
> 
> **Orc 1:** Yuh, he and some of the other tribe leaders want to build more forges.

**Peter:** Yeah.

 **Ned:** Mm. Do they look at me funny, when I walk past?

 **Peter:** Surprisingly, they do not.

 **Bruce:** They think you’re one of them.

 **Ned:** That’s what I was hoping for. I’m gonna keep walking, then, try not to attract attention to myself. I figure if they don’t get a close look at me, they won’t realize I’m not supposed to be here.

 **Peter:** And, like, what’s your goal? What are you going to do, here?

 **Ned:** I’m gonna try to find the tribe leaders, and talk to them.

 **Steve:** Mm.

 **Ned:** What?

 **Steve:** Just… imagining all the ways in which this could go wrong. Don't mind me.

 **Bruce:** Let it ride, Cap. We have a signal.

 **Peter:** All right, so you… you enter the camp, and you walk past a couple of these orcs that are just sort of standing around. Uh, one walks past, and he’s carrying like, eighteen logs in his arms, and heading towards the forge.

 **Ned:** You won’t scare me with their big tough. I have big tough of my own!

[Tony laughs]

 **Peter:** I’m not trying to scare you.

 **Bruce:** Sure you’re not.

 **Peter:** I’m not! It was just a subtle reminder that these are big huge orcs, and uh, they could probably rip Pentan’s head from his body, if they really wanted to.

 **Bruce:** Good thing I’m not there!

 **Peter:** Anyway, none of them spare you a second glance, or even look at you funny, which is probably a good thing, considering the armor that you’re wearing is very much different from the armor that _they’re_ wearing. Uhm… yeah. I guess you could roll perception, to see if you can kind of discern where the leaders are.

 **Ned:** All righty. [dice rolls]

 **Tony:** What are the rest of us doing?

 **Peter:** I don’t know. What _are_ the rest of you doing?

 **Tony:** I’ve sat down on the edge of the road, and I’m trying to convince Ben to play cards with me.

 **Peter:** Oh no, not again!

 **Tony:** What, what?

 **Peter:** Ben is adamantly refusing your offer.

 **Tony:** You gotta let me roll persuasion.

 **Peter:** I don’t have to let you do anything!

 **Steve:** Meanwhile, Gray is talking to Pentan.

> **Gray:** Does your friend have some sort of card-playing complex?
> 
> **Pentan:** He’s very competitive. Also, offering up a game of cards is a sign of affection within the bard community.

**Tony:** It is not.

 **Peter:** Sure it is. Canon.

 **Tony:** I really don’t like it when you gang up on me.

 **Steve:** Gray says,

> **Gray:** That’s nice. I’ll have to let Ben know.
> 
> **Pentan:** Mm, yes, he’s probably hurting Songbirg’s feelings.
> 
> **Stony:** Stop calling me that!

**Ned:** Can we get back to the important stuff?

 **Peter:** I was waiting for you to tell me what your friggin’ roll was.

 **Ned:** 20!

 **Peter:** Great, then. Uh, yeah, you notice that one of these tents is remarkably bigger than the others, and that there’s a fancy sigil of sorts sewed into the fabric on the side of it. Uh… I’m gonna make you roll history, here, I think.

 **Ned:** I don’t for sure know anything about the signs of the orc tribes?

 **Peter:** Gonna say no, yeah. ‘Cause you were raised by humans, in a sort of civilization separate from that of the orcs.

 **Ned:** Dang, all right.

 **Tony:** Can the rest of us have a history lesson about orc tribe dynamics?

 **Peter:** Why would any of you know anything about the dynamics of orc tribes?

 **Bruce:** For the sake of rich world building and contextualization.

 **Peter:** Those were big words. Uh - I don’t know. Orcs don’t like fraternizing with anyone outside of their own race, probably because a lot of other races are assholes towards them, and so they stay separate from the rest of civilization as much as possible, and as such, have sort of established their own civilization, in which the different tribes in Adren come together every six months and trade amongst themselves. Pretty sure I’ve already said that.

 **Steve:** How many tribes are there?

 **Peter:** Five. And they all run themselves; during these trading expos, uh, if a decision needs to be made, the chiefs of the tribes take a vote, majority rules.

 **Tony:** See, that wasn’t so bad, and now we all know why these orcs might not bother leaving. Everybody sucks, and so they’ll suck right back.

 **Peter:** Well, that’s - that’s unconfirmed.

 **Ned:** I’d like to confirm it. I rolled a 14, for history.

 **Peter:** Yeah, okay, so you recognize that sigil on the tent as the sigil belonging to the largest tribe.

 **Ned:** Great. I head towards the tent.

 **Peter:** All right. As you approach the big tent with the sigil on the side of it, uh, an orc comes out of it, sort of looking around the area. She is a female orc, but she’s about the same size as the orc you saw carrying the logs towards the forge. Uh, and she catches sight of you, and she says,

> **Female Orc:** You ain’t supposed to be here.

**Steve:** That quick?

 **Peter:** Jak is very clearly an orc that has not spent any time with the tribes.

 **Ned:** She’s speaking Orc?

 **Peter:** Yes.

 **Ned:** Okay, I’d like to respond, in Orc:

> **Jak:** Hail and well met. My name is Jak.
> 
> **Female Orc:** You ain’t supposed to be here. Why are you here?
> 
> **Jak:** I’ve come to investigate the trading expo, since I’d heard that it’s gone on longer than it usually does.
> 
> **Female Orc:** And what business is that of yours, milksucker?

**Tony:** [whispering] What does _that_ mean?

 **Ned:** I think she realizes that Jak was raised by humans, and she’s making fun of me for that.

 **Tony:** For drinking milk from your mother’s teat?

[Sounds of protest from Peter and Ned]

 **Peter:** _Please_ never say that again.

 **Tony:** I regret that none of you decided to make your characters dwarves.

 **Bruce:** Why’s that?

 **Tony:** Because I could’ve called you ‘lawn ornament’.

 **Peter:** Can we… Jak’s about to get his ass handed to him, you know.

 **Tony:** Right, right, sorry. Slurs are a thing, I got it. Continue.

 **Ned:** I also want to say that Jak most definitely did not breastfeed. That would have been extremely dangerous to his adoptive mother.

 **Steve:** And, if the concept of drinking milk is derogatory, then what - how do young orcs normally get their nutrients?

 **Ned:** The blood of their enemies. Obvi.

 **Peter:** Yeah, [ natch](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/natch). Uh -

 **Ned:** I ignore the slur, and I say,

> **Jak:** Just curious. What are you gaining by staying in one place? I thought it was custom for the tribes to travel when they’re not meeting with one another?
> 
> **Female Orc:** Maybe we decided to settle down. Not that you need to know.
> 
> **Jak:** I think I do need to know, though, because uh - you’ve sort of settled down pretty close to my city, and the people there aren’t… they’re not happy, knowing that you’re here, in the forest, and -
> 
> **Female Orc:** What fuck do we give if the pale-skins aren’t happy? They never bother to make _us_ happy.
> 
> **Jak:** Fair, but at least they don’t disrupt the trading expos, right? That has to count for something.
> 
> **Female Orcs:** In terms of what? That they don’t immediately come and purge us for doing something that has existed longer than humans have been in Adren? Bless their dear hearts.

**Steve:** I want to argue, but… yeah.

 **Ned:** Yeah, uh, why are we trying to make them leave, again? [Laughing]

 **Peter:** Because it’s the job that the Legionnaires got hired to do that Annis asked you to help with in exchange for their help in finding Arlo.

 **Bruce:** Is there any chance of us not making them leave, but also getting that help?

 **Peter:** I don’t know, is there?

 **Ned:** Now, see, that’s not - you gotta give us something here, DM.

 **Peter:** I’m not just gonna spell out an answer or a way to do this for you! That’s the point of playing; I give you a scenario, and you do with it what you will.

 **Ned:** So, if I walked out of this clearing, right now, went back to Annis and was like, “Yeah, we’re not gonna make the orcs go anywhere, sorry”, you’re telling me it’s possible that she might still decide to help us?

 **Peter:** I’m saying a lot is possible, if you can do it in a way that makes fucking sense. You can’t just leave now with the hope that something’s still gonna happen for you with the Legionnaires, because there’s nothing to support that help. There’s steps that you have to take.

 **Tony:** I think what he means is that there has to be an effort made, or there needs to be a specific reason for us doing something, if we want the results to be one way.

 **Peter:** Yes. There are a number of scenarios that this can end in, right? The orcs leave, the Legionnaires give you their help. The orcs don’t leave, the Legionnaires still decide to help you. There’s a chance that even if you make the orcs leave, the Legionnaires decide not to help, and then there’s the terrible outcome where you don’t manage to make the orcs leave, and you don’t get help. Each of these endings are achievable, but there’s certain, like, stops you have to make along the way, before you get there, and the results of those stops lean more towards specific final results.

So, yeah, you can leave the orc camp right now, go back to Annis and say, “The orcs stay”, but since there’s nothing that the Legionnaires get out of that scenario, there’s no reason for them to pay you back. You see what I’m saying?

 **Bruce:** What if we tried to do that scenario where, uh, like, “Hey, if you can offer these folks something better than the other guys, they’d probably be all right with letting you stay”?

 **Ned:** That’s not a bad idea, but wouldn’t that get the Legionnaires in trouble with whoever it was in Quora that hired them to take care of the orcs in the first place?

 **Steve:** Speaking as a member of said mercenary group, I can attest that, uh, if these orcs can give us something that’s better than whatever Quora was going to pay us, we will not care what Quora’s response is.

 **Tony:** Okay, but who’s to say that these orcs are even going to agree to something like that? I mean, if they think they can fight the mercs, they’re going to, right?

 **Ned:** Not if we can convince them that it makes more sense from a long-term standpoint to just, like, not? I mean, would they rather fight a huge battle and lose some of their number, or would they rather just broker a deal?

 **Bruce:** It’d probably be good to maybe reconnaissance about it, a little, as a group, rather than sit here and talk out of character.

 **Peter:** Please roleplay.

 **Ned:** Okay, okay. Uh, Jak says to the female orc,

> **Jak:** Listen, I know that you don’t think I stand in solidarity with the rest of our people, but I promise you that I only want what’s best for everyone, and I think it might be beneficial to the tribes if you listen to what myself, and a few others, have to say.
> 
> **Female Orc:** [flatly] Oh, there’s more of you? Joy.
> 
> **Jak:** Yes. And we… we’d really like to speak with your chieftains, if you’d allow us.
> 
> **Female Orc:** What do you want to speak to us about? We’re not going anywhere.
> 
> **Jak:** And that’s fine, for now, but… I have it on good authority that there is intention to remove you forcibly, if necessary.
> 
> **Female Orc:** Of course.
> 
> **Jak:** But! We can make sure that doesn’t happen, at least not… not immediately. If you’ll chat with us for a bit.
> 
> **Female Orc:** You said you’re from that city nearby?
> 
> **Jak:** Quora, yes.
> 
> **Female Orc:** They the ones who want us gone?
> 
> **Jak:** They’ve hired a mercenary group to take care of it, yes.
> 
> **Female Orc:** Which one?
> 
> **Jak:** Uh… we can discuss that.

**Peter:** She’s silent, for a long moment, and then she sort of scowls.

> **Female Orc:** Don’t move.

**Peter:** And she disappears into the big tent.

 **Ned:** I - should I summon the three amigos?

 **Peter:** It’s super up to you.

 **Ned:** Okay, I’ll uh, I’ll decide to wait five minutes, and if she doesn’t come back outside before those five minutes are up, I will summon them.

 **Bruce:** I kind of like the idea of being summoned. Like we’re some kind of special ability.

 **Steve:** And there’s four of us, not three. Ben’s here, too.

 **Ned:** Right, right. Sorry.

 **Peter:** Uh, okay, so you decide to wait, and after about three minutes, she comes back outside, and following after her is a male orc, who is… he is very big. His arms are the size of tree trunks. And he sort of eyes you up and down for a second.

 **Ned:** Jak stands up as straight as he can without being obvious.

 **Peter:** And, after a second, the male orc says, in Orc,

> **Male Orc:** You got some business to discuss?
> 
> **Jak:** Yes, along with four others. We know that the city of Quora wants you to vacate the forest, but the group that they hired is willing to negotiate other terms.
> 
> **Male Orc:** Who’s to say that the city won’t just hire someone else to take us out instead?
> 
> **Jak:** Well, we’re not here to help you make deals with the city, unfortunately.

**Peter:** Uh, he sort of exchanges a glance with the female orc, and then he says,

> **Male Orc:** We’ll hear you out, I suppose.
> 
> **Jak:** Thank you. I’ll go get my companions.

**Ned:** And I do that.

 **Peter:** Okay. Do you want to chat about anything before all five of you head into the camp again?

 **Ned:** I want to say, to Ben and Gray, uh,

> **Jak:** So, I think we’re going to be able to do this without it resulting in a fight, but… they’re very adamant about not wanting to leave.
> 
> **Ben:** Okay?
> 
> **Jak:** Which means… well, are you susceptible to bribes?
> 
> **Ben:** I’m a mercenary, son.
> 
> **Jak:** Okay, great, because that might be what happens, here. You might never be able to be around Quora again if this goes the way I hope it will, but uh, you might get something even better than whatever they planned on giving you.
> 
> **Gray:** Let’s just see how this conversation goes.
> 
> **Jak:** Probably a good idea.
> 
> **Pentan:** Hang on a second, Treetop, what’s happening?
> 
> **Jak:** We’re going to try and get a win-win here for the orcs and the mercenaries.
> 
> **Pentan:** But not for the city?
> 
> **Jak:** … well.
> 
> **Stony:** That’s not very City Watch of you, [ Shrek](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fupload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fen%2F4%2F4d%2FShrek_%2528character%2529.png&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FShrek_\(character\)&docid=I9UYnY9SNp2DhM&tbnid=8BGtacGHB0GavM%3A&vet=10ahUKEwi42Jqq8a_eAhURHHwKHfYaDzYQMwhsKAEwAQ..i&w=220&h=326&bih=616&biw=681&q=shrek&ved=0ahUKEwi42Jqq8a_eAhURHHwKHfYaDzYQMwhsKAEwAQ&iact=mrc&uact=8).
> 
> **Jak:** I know, but I - at this point, most of my focus is turned towards finding Garrick, and the orcs aren’t really causing the city any problems, so I don’t see why they shouldn’t be allowed to stay.
> 
> **Pentan:** They must be causing some kind of problem, if the city decided to hire a mercenary group to get rid of them.
> 
> **Jak:** Well, maybe it’s just a case of the normal racism that all the other races like to put against my own!

[Pause]

> **Jak:** [quietly] Sorry, I didn’t - the point is, we’ve been given the opportunity to talk this through, rather than fight about it, so we need to take advantage of it.

**Steve:** Hold on a second.

 **Peter:** Yeah, just - one sec, guys.

[Quiet indiscernible talking]

 **Tony:** We can cut this short, if -

 **Ned:** [quietly] Uh, yeah, I think - it’s probably a good idea.

 **Bruce:** Okay. Well, we fought an owlbear!

 **Tony:** We could’ve fought two, but I did good.

 **Steve:** For once.

 **Tony:** A pattern is going to be established, just wait and see, Spangles.

 **Peter:** Good attempt at levity.

 **Tony:** Who said that was meant to be provided as levity?

 **Peter:** I did. We’ll finish this up sometime next week.

~ END OF TRANSMISSION - LOGGED AUGUST 31st ~


	9. Chapter 1 - Session 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're here with orcs, Peter and Ned discuss their midterms, and It Gets Worse!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, everyone, it's Wiggs, your author, your technical DM, and your... secret Santa. You know that thing that you had on your list that you, like, typed in bold and italics? You can expect that shit to be sitting on your desk on Friday morning, because, look at you! You came to work the day before the weekend before Christmas!  
> Anyway, here's this long-ass chapter, that is literally an entire session of D&D campaign staring our Marvel boys, because I won't be posting for the next two weeks or so, and you all deserve a present.  
> Enjoy!  
> Also, since Tumblr has gone down the toilet, as soon as I am physically capable, I will be importing all of my one-shots from there to here, so... if that's something you're interested in, keep an eye out for those, starting sometime in January.

~ START OF TRANSMISSION - AVENGERS COMPOUND - OCTOBER 16th ~

 **Peter:** Well, it isn’t next week.

 **Tony:** Or even next month. Do we need to discuss why the hell it’s taken so long?

 **Ned:** The long and short of it is that Peter and I both had midterms.

 **Steve:** Oh, _that’s_ what happened. Okay.

 **Bruce:** How do you think you did on your physics, Pete?

 **Peter:** Mm. I don’t want to talk about it.

 **Tony:** You studied with me _and_ Bruce. How could you still be worried?

 **Peter:** Because this professor does his hardest to make it impossible to discern what the hell is going on midterm-wise in relation to what we’ve learned in class.

 **Ned:** The level on which I feel that same pain is much too high.

 **Peter:** Yeah, it’s - it’s not fun. Uh, anyway, it’s been over a month, so I imagine we’re all sort of in need of a reminder of what was going down, when we ended last time.

 **Bruce:** Yes please.

 **Peter:** Okay, so, basically, the four of you, along with a dwarf named Ben, have been sent to a clearing in the forest outside the city of Quora to try and… well, remove the orc caravan that’s sort of set up shop there, for a group of mercenaries called the Legionnaires.

 **Steve:** The _Ordinary_ Legionnaires, thank you.

 **Peter:** [amused] Sure. And the reason you’re doing this is so that the Legionnaires will help you all out with finding a man named Arlo Garrick, who was responsible for the deaths of… what, we said all five were his fault? From the first session?

 **Ned:** That’s the conclusion we came too, yeah.

 **Peter:** Right. So, uh, Jak, you’re looking for Arlo because of your position as a guard for the city of Quora, and it’s sort of your responsibility to bring in this criminal. Uh, Stony and Pentan, you were sort of roped into this search so that the two of you wouldn’t be arrested for your actions during the fight that occurred in the tavern. And Gray, you’re looking for Arlo because he’s your friend.

Does that cover it?

 **Steve:** It’d probably be good to mention, too, that the plan is just to talk to the orcs, rather than start a fight with them.

 **Tony:** I didn’t need to be reminded of that.

 **Bruce:** I think it’s safe to say that out of the four of us plus Ben, Stony is the most likely to start a fight.

 **Tony:** I think that’s bullshit, but whatever.

 **Peter:** Anyway, let’s just start with - uhm, so you all enter the orc encampment together, and word’s kinda spread, now, that you’re all going to kinda have a council with the chieftains, and so they’re all super interested in your presence in the camp. And they all watch you as you head across it to that big tent, where Jak spoke with that female orc from last time.

She’s standing outside of it, waiting for you all, and she kinda snorts, seeing the group of you. And she says, 

> **Female Orc:** _This_ is the envoy that they sent?
> 
> **Gray:** Is that supposed to mean something?
> 
> **Female Orc:** Well, I would’ve thought that this merc group would’ve tried to establish some sort of dominance but… none of you are very menacing.
> 
> **Pentan:** That’s good to hear. My whole look is supposed to be along the lines of, “[If you poured soup in my lap, I’d probably apologize to you](https://assets.rbl.ms/14763224/980x.png).” I want to look as least menacing as possible.

**Ned:** THE DOC MADE A JOHN MULANEY JOKE. Peter. Peter, we’ve peaked.

[Bruce laughing]

 **Peter:** [Laughing] Uhm -

 **Tony:** I just want to point out that as soon as she said that, uh, Stony punched his hand into his fist, and said:

> **Stony:** Do I look menacing now?
> 
> **Female Orc:** Not even in the slightest.
> 
> **Stony:** Damn.
> 
> **Jak:** Uh, I’m sorry, but I didn’t catch your name, I don’t think.
> 
> **Female Orc:** You need to know it?
> 
> **Jak:** It - it would probably make this discussion a little easier, yes.

**Peter:** She rolls her eyes, but she says,

> **Female Orc:** The name’s Zota.
> 
> **Pentan:** Ooh! Love that.
> 
> **Zota:** You’re a strange one, half-elf.
> 
> **Pentan:** I’m becoming more and more aware of this, yes.

**Ned:** [crying] Why - why is Pentan suddenly [ James Charles](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Charles_\(model\))?

 **Bruce:** I like to imagine that Pentan is very fluid, y’know?

 **Peter:** That’s… actually really neat, Doc, but I don’t - well.

 **Bruce:** Oh, that wasn’t good?

 **Peter:** I’m not gonna - I don’t know if James Charles considers himself to be gender fluid, so I just don’t want that to be the assumption we make.

 **Bruce:** Oh, okay. Sorry.

 **Ned:** No, that was my bad, I think.

 **Steve:** There’s so much more sensitivity nowadays, which is a good thing, right? Because we want people to be comfortable?

 **Tony:** Why do our conversations always get deep like this? We’re supposed to be playing D&D, having a good time.

 **Ned:** This is sort of what one of my professors called ‘meddling’, I think, where a person is considered a meddler if they start talking about racism or sexism or other bad shit in society, and it sort of kills the mood.

 **Tony:** Well, it’s great that you’re both knowledgeable about these topics, but please don’t bring the mood killing into our fun D&D game!

 **Peter:** Yeah, sorry, sorry. That was mostly my fault. Uh, back to the D&D-ing. So, Zota pulls back the flap on the tent, and sort of waves the five of you inside. The tent doesn’t have a cot or anything like that in it; instead, there’s just this really long table, sort of like the one in Annis’s tent, and seated around it are five different orcs; there’s one female, and four males. Standing off to the side are four other orcs. And they all turn to look at you, as soon as you enter.

> **Jak:** Hail and well met!

**Tony:** Stop saying that.

 **Ned:** It’s a formal, friendly greeting. Remember, we’re trying to _not_ be killed immediately.  

 **Peter:** Uh, a couple of the orcs at the table exchange a glance, like, ‘What did he just say?’ And the one that spoke with you outside before, Jak, the male orc, he rises from the table, and he says,

> **Male Orc:** These are your companions?
> 
> **Jak:** Yes. These two are from the mercenary group that I mentioned.
> 
> **Gray:** Hello. We’re hoping that this discussion can breed some sort of results that benefit both of our groups.
> 
> **Male Orc:** I suppose we’ll find out.

**Peter:** Everybody's speaking common, yeah?

 **Steve:** I’m speaking Orc. I have that language on my character sheet.

 **Peter:** [surprised] Really? Okay. Uh - so… who has no idea what’s being said right now, then, character wise?

 **Tony:** Me. I only got one extra language, and I picked Elvish, since I assumed that was the second most used. I guess I was wrong, at this point. Also, a lot of beautiful pieces of poetry and music are in Elvish, so.

 **Peter:** Mm, good bit of backstory, Mr. Stark. I like that.

 **Tony:** [pleased] Thank you! Do I get an inspiration point?

 **Peter:** No! Uh, so, the male orc that was speaking, and actually all of the orcs that are in the tent, including Zota, who followed you inside, all kind of look at Gray in surprise, as though they didn’t expect to hear him speaking their language.

 **Steve:** I’ll say:

> **Gray:** We have a few orcs in our mercenary group, who I learned from.
> 
> **Male Orc:** Mm, interesting. Anyway, my name is Janssen, and myself and the rest of the chieftains are ready to listen to whatever you have to tell us, but we should lay down first that we don’t plan on leaving  
>  the forest any time soon.
> 
> **Pentan:** Do you mind if I ask why?
> 
> **Janssen:** And who are you?
> 
> **Pentan:** Pentan Runeshield. Half-elf, wizard, and whatever else you want me to be.

[Snickering]

 **Peter:** Uh, Janssen exchanges a look with the other chieftains that are sitting with him at the table, and then he looks back at the five of you, and says,

> **Janssen:** It really is none of your business.
> 
> **Gray:** Well, it would be helpful to know, so that we could maybe bring back a solid reason to our own leader.

**Peter:** And a new orc speaks up, this one being the only female that’s sitting at the table.

> **Female Chieftain:** Is there any particular reason that leader isn’t here with you?
> 
> **Gray:** She had other things to take care of.
> 
> **Stony:** And we’re doing her a favor, so she’ll do us a favor. And uh, I think it’s safe to say that she’d be willing to do all of you a favor, if you were willing to return that favor, if you catch my drift.

**Peter:** You said that in common?

 **Tony:** Unless I said it in Elvish and looked like an even bigger asshole.

 **Peter:** [amused] Okay. Janssen says, uh, in common,

> **Janssen:** As far as I can tell, we have no reason to offer a favor in return of one. From what I’m seeing, this mercenary group doesn’t seem as though it will be much of a threat. Why would we bother in trying to stave them off with gifts when we could just handle things the old fashioned way?
> 
> **Jak:** Why would you want to lose lives in a needless battle?
> 
> **Female Chieftain:** We would lose lives even if we were to accept this olive branch. The city would simply send someone else to take care of us. Or try to.
> 
> **Pentan:** Then maybe what needs to happen here is a sort of agreement that meets your needs, as well as the needs of the city.
> 
> **Janssen:** I thought that the city wanted us gone.
> 
> **Gray:** They do, but if you… well, I don’t see why they would mind you staying here, so long as you didn’t bother the goings-on there.
> 
> **Female Chieftain:** I wasn’t aware we were disrupting any ‘goings-on’.
> 
> **Ben:** The city reported to our group that you all cause quite a ruckus during the nighttime.
> 
> **Gray:** Although, to be fair, we’ve been situated in the forest ourselves for a few days, now, and we haven’t heard anything, so.
> 
> **Stony:** It could just be the city complaining because they don’t want you nearby, which is bullshit.
> 
> **Janssen:** Something we’ve been dealing with for a long time, too, unfortunately.
> 
> **Jak:** Is there any particular reason that the tribes have decided to settle down?

**Peter:** Uh, roll perception. Whoever wants to.

[Multiple dice rolling]

 **Ned:** 10.

 **Bruce:** [sighing] 3.

 **Peter:** You gonna use your inspiration point that you have, still?

 **Bruce:** No, I want to save it for something more important. Or if no one else gets a good enough roll, I’ll use it.

 **Tony:** 7.

 **Steve:** 17.

 **Peter:** Ah, there we go. Okay. Uh, Gray, you notice that all of the chieftains exchange a glance, and a few of them even tense up a little, in their shoulders, and you think it might be because of Jak’s question.

 **Steve:** Hmm. Okay.

> **Gray:** I’m afraid if we’re going to make this work, we’ll need to know what your long-term plan is.
> 
> **Janssen:** [sighing] Perhaps we should tell them.
> 
> **Female Chieftain:** You must be kidding.
> 
> **Janssen:** I’m not. They might be the only ones who can make sure we get this done without any further trouble.
> 
> **Stony:** Get _what_ done?

**Peter:** A second of silence passes. Janssen starts to reply, but the female chief cuts him off, almost immediately:

> **Female Chieftain:** You might be the chief of the largest tribe, Janssen, but this concerns all of us. We put it to a vote.

**Peter:** And Janssen looks around at all of the other chieftains, before he nods in agreement.

> **Janssen:** Fair enough.
> 
> **Jak:** Do you need us to leave, let you vote in private?
> 
> **Female Chieftain:** No, stay. This won’t take more than a few minutes.

**Peter:** And you watch as she stands up, and retrieves a few things from a chest that’s in one corner of the tent. She returns to the table holding an urn, several pieces of yellowed parchment, and different writing utensils. Silently, the chieftains pass the writing utensils and the pieces of parchment around the table, until all five of them have one. Janssen settles back down in his chair, and he says,

> **Janssen:** The question is simple. Do we share what our purpose is, here in the forest, or do we not. Yes or no.

**Peter:** And all of the chieftains pick up their writing utensils, and the voting process begins.

 **Tony:** This is very reminiscent of [ _Survivor_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Survivor_\(U.S._TV_series\)).

 **Peter:** That’s where I got the idea from. Uh, Janssen summons Zota over to him with a wave of his hand, and they whisper quietly to one another in a language that sort of sounds like Orc, but for the most part is incomprehensible.

 **Ned:** Probably an iteration of it that they use in their tribe.

 **Bruce:** Mm, makes sense.

 **Peter:** So, a few minutes pass. The chieftains, for the most part, have put down their writings utensils, and have folded their parchments over. Uh, the only one that has yet to put an answer down is the one who looks to be the oldest in age. He has a beard, and it’s graying. And he has one of the orcs that was standing at the side of the tent earlier beside him, and they too are talking in a variation of Orc. They seem to be arguing.

> **Janssen:** Garvey?
> 
> **Garvey:** Gimme a few more seconds, Janny. I’m - this is difficult, you understand.
> 
> **Janssen:** Yeah.

**Bruce:** I’m sitting here trying to figure out what the issue might be, and I honestly have no idea.

 **Steve:** Hopefully we’re about to find out.

 **Peter:** Yeah, I’m - I’m debating on the best way to see if the majority ruled in the favor of yes, and… I think the best way to do it is to just roll five dice; over ten means yes, below means no.

 **Tony:** Why do we have to put it up to chance?

 **Peter:** Because it’s more fun this way.

 **Ned:** If - do we get any type of advantage, because of the good good way this discussion’s gone so far?

 **Peter:** [Pause] How about I roll _ten_ dice, and take the highest five?

 **Ned:** That sounds a little bit better.

 **Steve:** Yeah, I like the chances more when there’s more dice.

 **Peter:** Okay, I’ll do it that way, then. Uh, so, Garvey, the older chieftain, he finally waves the orc he was talking to away, and he scribbles his vote down on the parchment, before folding it over. He looks pained, like it's physically hurting him to have to make this choice, or think about it this hard, maybe.

And, seeing that the last piece of parchment is folded, Janssen says,

> **Janssen:** All right, pass the urn around.

And it gets traded from chieftain to chieftain, with each one putting their folded over parchments inside. When it gets to Janssen, he puts his in as well, and then glances around the table for a moment, before looking at you, Jak. And he says,

> **Janssen:** Would you read them for us?
> 
> **Jak:** [surprised] Uh, yes, of course.

**Ned:** I go over to him and take the urn.

 **Peter:** Okay, uh, Ned’s sitting next to me, so he’ll see what I roll, and know that I’m not being an asshole just because a dice is particularly bad. You’ll keep count, too, yeah?

 **Ned:** I got it.

 **Peter:** All right. [inhales] Okay.

[Dice rolling]

 **Bruce:** I should not be sitting here and listening to this. It is going to stress me out so bad.

 **Tony:** Take your headset off.

[Dice rolling repeatedly. Silence otherwise]

 **Ned:** Holy shit.

 **Peter:** Yeah, that was the worst thing I’ve ever done.

 **Steve:** Are we good?

 **Ned:** Six were over 10.

[Mixed noises of relief]

 **Bruce:** [quietly] Thank God.

 **Peter:** Yeah, the first three were _under_ ten, and I was very scared for maybe three seconds. Uh, anyway, Jak, do you want to actually roleplay reading them out?

 **Ned:** And be fucking [ Jeff Probst](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeff_Probst)? Of _course._

 **Peter:** All right. Uh, Jak goes to the other end of the table, where nobody is sitting, and he sets the urn down there.

> **Jak:** [ If anyone has the hidden immunity idol and you want to play it, now's the time to do so. ](https://survivor.fandom.com/wiki/Tribal_Council)

**Ned:** No, I don’t actually say that. Uh, I reach into the urn and pull out the first piece of parchment.

> **Jak:** Yes.

**Ned:** And the process repeats. I’m gonna guess three yes, two no?

 **Peter:** Sure, that makes sense based on what I rolled.

> **Jak:** No. Yes. Yes. No.

**Ned:** And I’m showing the parchments each time I read them, like Jeff does.

 **Peter:** Yep. Uh, when all of the votes are read, a sort of collective air leaves the tent, and you see Garvey sort of slump down in his seat. One of the other chiefs reaches over and rubs his shoulder. Janssen exhales, and crosses his arms over his chest.

> **Janssen:** This isn’t easy to talk about, as is apparent.
> 
> **Jak:** We aren’t here to judge.
> 
> **Janssen:** I’m glad, because you’d have no right. [Pause] A few months ago, a few of the elders in our tribes grew ill with some sort of sickness. All of the tribes have their own shamans, but none of them were able to figure out what was causing the illness. Us chiefs, we exchanged letters over the weeks, keeping one another updated, and marking similarities in the symptoms that the elders had. About three weeks ago, one of the elders died, in my tribe. A few days later, another died, in Baro’s tribe.

**Peter:** And he nods to one of the other chieftains, who says,

> **Baro:** When five had died altogether, within the span of a week, we decided that something needed to be done, so we gathered here, for our expo, and to see if we could maybe figure it out, together. We haven’t, and the sick have only gotten worse.
> 
> **Garvey:** Including my wife. It’s - she’s only recently developed some of the earlier signs, but if we don’t figure out what’s going on soon… we’re afraid that the rest of the elders in our tribes will die. All of them. And who knows if this disease isn’t lying dormant in the rest of us, just waiting?
> 
> **Gray:** Which is why you’re all still here, because they’ve gotten worse.
> 
> **Janssen:** Yes. It’s to the point where it’s dangerous to travel, for them. We - we don’t have a choice but to stay here, until we can figure this out, or… otherwise.
> 
> **Jak:** Is there anything we can do?
> 
> **Janssen:** Just… we need time. That’s all. Our shamans are certain that they’ll be able to figure it out, working together, but they need time.
> 
> **Stony:** This is probably a stupid question, but… why haven’t you told any officials in Quora?
> 
> **Female Chieftain:** That _is_ a stupid question. What do you think they’d do, let us try to heal our elders in peace, or take advantage of our weakened state to eradicate us for good?
> 
> **Janssen:** Shel, please.
> 
> **Female Chieftain:** Don’t _please_ me, Janny. That’s exactly the reason why.

**Bruce:** So, just to clarify: the elders are sick and dying, the orcs are all gathered to try and figure out how to heal them, and they can’t go anywhere else because it’s too dangerous to move the sick ones. They haven’t told Quora, because they’re afraid that the humans will come here and kick them while they’re down.

 **Peter:** Exactly.

 **Bruce:** Damn. We really have to help them.

 **Ned:** I agree.

 **Steve:** And I think Annis will agree, too, once we take this information back to her. She probably won’t even request anything from them.

 **Ned:** That’s what I’m thinking. It’s Quora we have to worry about.

 **Steve:** Maybe we let Annis deal with Quora?

 **Tony:** And let us deal with the repercussions that Pete comes up with later? I’d rather just tell the city to fuck off right now, but maybe in terms that don’t get us killed.

> **Pentan:** I have a proposition.
> 
> **Stony:** I’m glad someone does.
> 
> **Pentan:** We should - now, I know you’re not going to like this, chiefies, but it could be your only chance - we need to forge some sort of document that protects you from the city, in return for some sort of timeframe.
> 
> **Janssen:** Elaborate, wizard.
> 
> **Pentan:** Well, we’ll tell the city you’ll be out of the forest within the next two months, so long as they leave you to your business.
> 
> **Jak:** Yes, they might feel better, knowing that you will move out, and within a certain period of time.
> 
> **Baro:** And we won’t have to tell them why we’re here?
> 
> **Jak:** I don’t think you will, no. [Pause] I guarantee you won’t have to.
> 
> **Janssen:** Do you believe that the city will hold up their end of the deal?
> 
> **Jak:** Speaking as a citizen of said city, yes, I do. I’ll make sure of it.

**Peter:** Uh, a few moments of silence pass. Janssen looks around at the other chieftains. The female, Shel, doesn’t seem to be happy, but the other male chiefs have varying expressions on their faces, as though they’re considering it. Garvey, especially, looks like he wants to accept.

> **Janssen:** This seems like something else we’ll need to vote on.
> 
> **Baro:** [gruffly] It’s custom.
> 
> **Jak:** That makes sense. We can give you more time. We’ll all be waiting outside.

**Ned:** And I push everybody out of the tent.

 **Peter:** Once you’re all back outside, Ben says,

> **Ben:** That went well, I think.
> 
> **Stony:** Coming from someone who didn’t speak at all.
> 
> **Ben:** My player had to voice five other individuals throughout that interaction, and didn’t want to throw in a sixth as well.

[Laughter]

 **Peter:** [amused] Anyway.

 **Bruce:** It is admirable that you gave them all distinct voices.

 **Peter:** Thank you!

 **Steve:** Yeah, good job, Parker.

 **Tony:** Especially since I can’t even do one consistent character voice.

[Ned laughing]

 **Peter:** Uh, so, a few minutes pass, and then Zota pokes her head outside, and gestures for you all to come back in. Janssen is standing, again, and he says,

> **Janssen:** We’ve decided to trust you all, and your proposition. We really aren’t in a position to simply wait for the city to send someone else to take care of us, if your group doesn’t, and so we’d rather do whatever we can to avoid that possibility.
> 
> **Jak:** I’m glad to hear that. We all are.

[Sounds of agreement]

> **Jak:** I’ll personally speak with the head of the City Watch, in Quora, and we’ll find out what the best contract we can forge is, for the tribes especially.
> 
> **Stony:** Yeah, we kind of have something to dangle over his head, to encourage him to make a deal.
> 
> **Jak:** In any case, expect to see us again soon.
> 
> **Janssen:** We’ll keep an eye out for you.

**Peter:** And you all leave the camp that the tribes have established in the forest clearing, heading back towards the Legionnaire camp instead. On your way there, Ben says,

> **Ben:** Annis will probably want to go with you, to talk to the Watch captain.
> 
> **Jak:** That’s fine, although this sort of thing would be easier to deal with if we knew for sure who hired your group to deal with the orcs in the first place.
> 
> **Ben:** I’m sure Annis will let you know, now that she sees that progress is being made, and once she knows that the city needs to get involved.
> 
> **Pentan:** Question: are we going to tell Annis what the orcs are doing here?
> 
> **Gray:** I think we have too, don’t we?
> 
> **Jak:** Not necessarily.
> 
> **Stony:** Sure we do; she might not be so keen to help otherwise. If she knows -
> 
> **Jak:** [interrupting] We didn’t tell the orcs we’d be sharing their info with her. I don’t want to break their trust like that.
> 
> **Stony:** We’ll only tell her if we have too. How about that? She might be willing even without knowing the reason why.
> 
> **Jak:** [sighing] Fine.

**Peter:** Okay, so you all return to the Legionnaires’ camp. Violet notices your arrival, and hurries over, grinning.

> **Violet:** You’re all still alive. How’d did it go?
> 
> **Gray:** We’re not done, but we’re figuring it out.
> 
> **Violet:** Did you find out what they’re doing?

[Pause]

> **Stony:** Nope!

[Laughter]

> **Violet:** Oh. Well, what’s the next step, then?
> 
> **Jak:** We have to talk to Annis, discuss some things, and then head into Quora again, to talk with the City Watch captain.
> 
> **Violet:** Huh. Sounds like this is a lot more work than we thought it would be.
> 
> **Gray:** It’s going to pay off. We’ll talk later?
> 
> **Violet:** All right.

**Peter:** So, you all walk back through camp, and eventually find Annis standing outside the armory tent, chatting with the guards there. She notices all of you approach, however, and walks over to where you stand.

> **Annis:** Well?
> 
> **Gray:** Well, the orcs are here for a good reason, and they have a good reason for not wanting to leave, either.
> 
> **Annis:** So, what?
> 
> **Jak:** So, we told them that we’d try to broker a deal between them and the city of Quora.
> 
> **Annis:** [sighing] That’s not going to be easy.
> 
> **Jak:** I think it’ll be easier than you’re making it out to be, so long as the Watch were the ones to hire the Legionnaires in the first place.
> 
> **Annis:** Yes, that’s where the problem lies.
> 
> **Pentan:** The problem.
> 
> **Annis:** Yes. The City Watch had no part in hiring the Legionnaires.
> 
> **Stony:** Of course not!
> 
> **Jak:** So, who did hire you, then?
> 
> **Annis:** I can’t say.

[Groaning]

 **Ned:** Peter, why do you have to make this so _hard?_  I’d rather fight eight owlbears than try and figure this shit out.

 **Peter:** It’s gonna be fine.

 **Tony:** Sure, _you_ can say that, because you know everything! _We_ have no idea what to do next.

[Peter laughing]

 **Bruce:** [amused] Listen to that; he enjoys our torment!

[Peter laughing harder]

 **Steve:** What are we supposed to do if our dungeon master breaks?

 **Tony:** We find a new one, and I would be more than happy to take up the mantle.

[Noises of protests from everybody]

 **Tony:** I’m trying to be helpful! Peter’s said that being DM is very stressful, and that stress is something I’m willing to endure, so that everybody else can continue to have a good time.

 **Ned:** Which translates to we should give Peter moments like this, because this is when he enjoys himself.

 **Tony:** Well, that’s not exactly what I was trying to say.

 **Peter:** Okay, I’m better. I’m ready to keep going. Uh, don’t - it isn’t going to be as difficult as you all are making it out to be, I promise.

 **Bruce:** It’s going to be a little difficult, right? Because this figure who hired the mercenaries is obviously rich enough to do _that_ , which means even if a contract is formed between the city and the orcs, there’s going to be the risk of trouble from that original guy.

 **Ned:** Not if we figure out who this original guy is, and deal with him, first.

 **Bruce:** But she just said that she’s not going to tell us.

 **Steve:** We need to tell her what the orcs told us.

[Ned sighing]

 **Tony:** These words will never come out of my mouth again, but he’s right.

 **Bruce:** I think so, too. She might realize how important it is that they stay, if we tell her. Otherwise, we’re not going to get anywhere. Sorry, Ned, but I think it’s the only option here, if we want to get the best ending.

 **Ned:** All right. I - yeah. Uh, Jak says,

> **Jak:** The orcs need to stay.
> 
> **Annis:** Why is that?
> 
> **Jak:** Their elders are sick and dying, unable to travel. The tribe shamans are all trying to figure out what the cause is, and what the cure is, but they need time. We need to give them time, and we won’t be able to do that, so long as someone, somewhere, wants them out of the forest.

**Peter:** Annis turns her eyes towards the ground, and studies it for a moment, clearly deep in thought.

> **Gray:** Annis, we’ve never hurt someone who was already struggling. I think it’s important that we take it a step further, and help those who are struggling, too.

**Peter:** Uh, she glances over at you, and then over at Jak, and she sighs.

> **Annis:** I sensed something like this would happen, eventually. It’s long been foretold, a shift in the Balance.
> 
> **Stony:** [whispering] What the hell is she talking about?
> 
> **Annis:** Surely even you understand the notion of the Balance, bard. The very core of the universe, what events circulate around. The Balance controls everything, and your arrival here, the three of you… it has caused a shift. A large one.

**Peter:** She turns to you, Jak, and she says,

> **Annis:** The Legionnaires were hired by a man who calls himself Crit. He has his home on the outskirts of Quora, so that he can perform the magic he chooses to study in private. He promised us a large sum of gold, if we managed to get the orcs to leave, or took care of them otherwise. It seemed an easy enough task, and so I accepted the job, without really considering the repercussions, or even if he had any intention of actually paying up.
> 
> **Jak:** I’ve never heard of the man.
> 
> **Annis:** That doesn’t surprise me. He keeps to himself, grows his own food and such.
> 
> **Pentan:** What sort of magic does he practice?
> 
> **Annis:** I don’t think you need me to answer that, do you, wizard?
> 
> **Pentan:** [Pause] No. I suppose I can probably guess.

**Bruce:** Is it illusion magic?

 **Peter:** Super illusionist, yeah.

 **Bruce:** Great.

> **Stony:** All right, good! So, we’ll go to this Crit guy, tell him to fuck off about the orcs, and then tell the orcs they have nothing to worry about.
> 
> **Gray:** Wait, I don’t - did this Crit say that the orcs were causing problems just for himself, or for the entire city? It doesn’t make sense that he would speak for the entire city, if he lives in seclusion.
> 
> **Annis:** [amused] You must get some joy out of exposing me. I made up the part about the orcs causing problems for the city, because I didn’t know if the rest of you would agree to help, otherwise, especially you, Bennet.
> 
> **Stony:** So, you were going to waste energy taking out all of those orcs for _one guy?_
> 
> **Annis:** Well -
> 
> **Stony:** For some gold that you didn’t even know actually existed? That makes no sense.
> 
> **Annis:** Who are you to question me?
> 
> **Stony:** One of the people that’s going to have to go fight this guy!

**Peter:** She makes a face, and looks away, oddly enough turning her attention towards where Violet is standing, chatting with Varo and Omar, the two elven chefs.

 **Steve:** I walk closer to her, and place a hand on her shoulder.

> **Gray:** Annis?

**Peter:** She sighs to herself, very quietly, and looks up at you.

> **Annis:** I’m sorry, dear boy, but I cannot explain my reasoning to you. Not yet.
> 
> **Gray:** Your reasoning for wanting to get the job done, even though you weren’t sure that he would actually pay?

**Peter:** She nods.

> **Gray:** Why not?
> 
> **Annis:** You are not ready.
> 
> **Pentan:** Ready or not, here we come. Gentlemen, I suggest we go face this man.
> 
> **Jak:** If he’s really the one to have requested the orcs gone, then I agree. Bard?
> 
> **Stony:** [sighing] I’m pretty sure we’re going to die, at least one of us, but… sure. Let’s go kick some illusionist ass.

**Peter:** Annis looks over at the three of you, and sort of chuckles.

> **Annis:** The three of you have known one another for less than a day, and already, you’re making decisions together. It’s quite impressive.
> 
> **Pentan:** Well, we are all playing the same game.

[Laughter]

 **Ned:** Uh, Jak looks at Gray.

> **Jak:** You’re with us too, yeah?
> 
> **Gray:** Yes, of course.
> 
> **Jak:** Good man.

**Ned:** I turn to Annis.

> **Jak:** You said he lives on the edge of the city?

**Peter:** She nods again, and says,

> **Annis:** Yes. His home is a small wooden building, that has a garden growing right outside of it. You shouldn’t miss it; it is between the city and the woods, outside the southern gates.

**Peter:** She pauses, then, looking between all four of you.

> **Annis:** If you truly aim to do this, I must wish you four luck. Illusion magic is not something that is lightly practiced, by amateur magicals. Crit is very powerful, and he will not take kindly to a refusal from  
>  anybody, about anything, and most especially not this.
> 
> **Gray:** We’ll be okay.

**Peter:** She kind of smiles at you, fondly.

> **Annis:** I hope so, sweetling.

**Peter:** And then she walks away, disappears into her tent.

 **Tony:** Should I repeat what I said before, for dramatic effect?

 **Ned:** Yes please.

 **Tony:** Okay. [clears throat]

> **Stony:** Let’s go kick some illusionist ass.

**Peter:** Okay! So you all head out of the Legionnaires camp, again, and since Jak knows the way around this part of Adren the best, he takes the lead, back in the direction of Quora.

 **Ned:** We’re actually going to take our level two asses into a illusionist den? Seriously?

 **Tony:** What’s the worst that can happen, he makes us fight each other? I’d love to punch Steve’s character in the face.

 **Ned:** This is _Peter,_  guys. There are numerous things that this illusionist could spawn up, that make sense in the narrative that Peter’s weaving.

 **Steve:** I’m going to say that we should probably be wary.

 **Ned:** More than wary.

 **Peter:** [amused] Uh, so, you all walk through the city towards the southern gate, and exit through it, since it would get you to Crit’s home quicker than walking around the entire perimeter of the city. And it doesn’t take you too long to spot it, pretty much halfway between the gate and the edge of the forest. It’s pretty small, just a simple wooden hut, really, but the garden that’s next to it is a pretty big size, as far as gardens go, and it looks like it’s well taken care of. Crit obviously really does care about his garden.

 **Tony:** Well, good for him. Let’s go kill him.

[Ned laughing]

 **Steve:** It makes more sense to be cautious, probably, not only because he’s a powerful illusionist, but also because he just doesn’t like people.

 **Tony:** [mockingly] ‘It makes more sense to be cautious, blah, blah, blah.” God, if you had been in charge of the Avengers, nothing would have gotten done.

 **Steve:** [dryly] I _was_ in the charge of the Avengers.

 **Tony:** Mm… debatable.

 **Bruce:** Uh, fighting an illusionist, anybody?

 **Ned:** I think it could be worse. He could be a necromancer.

 **Tony:** You kidding? Illusion magic can mess with our heads; necromancers just bring stuff back from the dead. That’s nothing.

 **Bruce:** He’s definitely not gonna be another owlbear, that’s for sure.

 **Peter:** Oh, yeah, no. I learned my lesson, there. Uh - so, how do you guys want to do this?

 **Tony:** Let’s just knock on the door.

[Noises of protest]

 **Tony:** What? Why not? We’re gonna try talking to him first, right?

 **Bruce:** Yeah, if we just start out by telling him that the orcs are staying, then it makes sense that we knock, like visitors.

 **Ned:** This is gonna end in a fight, though. Like, I smell a boss battle.

 **Steve:** Well, yeah, probably, but I think the longer we can go without fighting him, the better, right?

 **Peter:** Make a decision, men! We still have aways to go.

 **Tony:** Wait, we’re gonna keep going until this confrontation ends?

 **Peter:** That was the plan, yeah, since it’s been a month!

 **Tony:** But that’s so much _time,_  Spider-Man!

 **Peter:** I’m sorry, did you have another commitment or something, Owner of Your Own Company?

 **Tony:** [sighing] No. I just - my legs are asleep.

[Steve snickering]

 **Tony:** You shut up, old timer!

 **Steve:** [amused] Not old enough to where my legs fall asleep after sitting down for, what, it’s been forty five minutes, maybe?

 **Tony:** I have never complained before.

 **Peter:** I guess we could take a quick break, before we dive in further, ‘cause this is gonna take some time, dudes.

 **Ned:** Maybe we stop here? I mean, we have tomorrow, too, before we need to head back.

 **Peter:** [whining] But I wanted to get to the good good illusion battle! So much is gonna happen, none of you even know!

 **Bruce:** Then we definitely need an extra day to prepare! I’m gonna do research into all the possible things that this illusionist can pull on us.

 **Tony:** Yeah, and I, apparently, am going to go to the gym.

 **Steve:** Oh, that sounds good. Could I -

 **Tony:** No.

 **Peter:** Mr. Stark.

 **Tony:** No, no, no.

 **Ned:** For a fifty-something-year-old man -

 **Tony:** Don’t you even think about finishing that sentence, boy.

~ END OF TRANSMISSION - LOGGED OCTOBER 16th ~


	10. Chapter 1 - Session 6 - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party heads into an illusionist's home. It Gets Worse!

~ START OF TRANSMISSION - AVENGERS COMPOUND - OCTOBER 17 ~

 **Ned:** Okay.

 **Bruce:** Yes, we’re all prepared, now.

 **Peter:** No, we’re not. Mr. Stark isn’t here yet.

 **Bruce:** What? Where is he?

 **Peter:** How am I supposed to know? I’m not his keeper.

 **Ned:** I thought you two were doing research today.

 **Peter:** Well, yeah, we were down in the labs earlier, but that was like two hours ago. I have no idea where he could’ve gone since then.

 **Steve:** I saw him a few minutes ago. He said he was going to sit with you.

 **Peter:** Yeah, that was the plan, but uh… he’s not here, so -

[Faint buzzing]

 **Tony:** [via the intercom system] Pete!

 **Peter:** Good lord.

 **Steve:** Can you blame him? The compound is huge.

 **Peter:** Hang on a second.

 **Ned:** What’s -?

 **Bruce:** He’s gotta get to the closest microphone that’s connected to the intercom and respond.

 **Peter:** [via the intercom system] I’m in my room, Mr. Stark.

 **Tony:** [via the intercom system] Oh… that makes sense! I’ll be right there.

 **Peter:** I can’t - why didn’t he just send me a text?

 **Bruce:** Maybe he likes to pretend that using the intercom system will encourage the rest of the team to do it, too.

 **Sam:** [via the intercom system] Could we not use this thing unless it’s totally necessary, please and thank you.

 **Natasha:** [via the intercom system] If anyone’s hungry, I made taquitos in the second floor kitchen.

 **Ned:** I want taquitos.

 **Peter:** No taquitos. We’re supposed to be D&D-ing.

 **Tony:** [breathless] I’m here. Hello.

 **Peter:** Where did you run from? Gross - don’t touch me with your sweaty old man hand!

 **Tony:** That’s for not letting me know where you were going to be.

 **Bruce:** I got taquitos.

 **Ned:** Aw, what? I’m jealous!

 **Bruce:** [crunching sounds]

 **Peter:** I’m going to ask that you don’t eat the taquitos directly in front of the mic.

[Crunching sounds get louder]

 **Peter:** Okay, well.

 **Tony:** Ned isn’t with him?

 **Ned:** I am not. I’m in the living room.

 **Bruce:** [muffled] Which one?

 **Steve:** Doc, don’t talk with your mouth full.

 **Bruce:** [ You’re not my dad! ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHErkpchFkk)

**Ned:** Peter.

 **Peter:** Hm?

 **Ned:** Did you show Doctor Banner Vine compilations on YouTube?

 **Peter:** … I might have shown Doctor Banner Vine compilations on YouTube. Is that a crime?  

 **Steve:** What’s a Vine compilation?

[Noises of protest from Ned and Peter]

 **Peter:** We’re not - that’ll take too much time to explain, and we have a lot to get through in this session.

So, are we all ready?

 **Ned:** Yes, start. I’ve - [ I’ve pressed X ](https://res.cloudinary.com/teepublic/image/private/s--lXl21KL---/t_Preview/b_rgb:191919,c_lpad,f_jpg,h_630,q_90,w_1200/v1451505072/production/designs/385003_1.jpg), it’s time to start.

 **Peter:** Okay. So, we ended last time just as the four of you came upon the illusionist wizard Crit’s little house on the edge of the forest. Uh, and you were all trying to figure out what the best approach for this is, whether you want to go knock on his door, or whatever.

 **Tony:** Let’s just knock.

 **Steve:** Still think that’s a bad idea.

 **Tony:** What other option is there, Spangles?

 **Steve:** [sighing] I don’t know.

 **Bruce:** We can knock. Maybe he’ll be less likely to confuse our minds with illusion magic if we’re polite about this.

 **Steve:** Or he could immediately hit us with illusion magic as soon as the door opens.

 **Ned:** Well, I don’t think we’re going to get a surprise round or anything like that, Cap.

 **Steve:** I don’t, either, but I’d rather have some sort of way of knowing that we’re going to have a chance. This - this is very reminiscent of that raid we did in Sokovia.

 **Tony:** That wasn’t even a raid, really. Why would you bring that up?

 **Bruce:** Tony -

 **Tony:** It sucked. That whole event sucked. The last thing we should be doing is thinking about that again.

 **Steve:** But this feels similar, the whole using illusions thing.

 **Peter:** Uh, this isn’t going to be as emotionally or physically draining on your actual persons. I don’t think I know enough about your characters to do something like _that._

 **Ned:** Oh, my God. _That’s_ what those meetings outside of the sessions were for! He was canvasing our characters and backstories in order to create the perfect enemy.

 **Peter:** Actually, those were mostly to help you all figure out things that your characters already know, but if you want to imagine me as an evil mastermind, you can.

 **Tony:** I’m knocking on the door. Later, dweebs.

 **Bruce:** Uh, Pentan looks over at Jak and Gray, before he shrugs and follows Stony.

 **Ned:** Yeah, Jak goes after them both.

 **Steve:** Gray kinda sighs to himself, but does the same.

 **Peter:** All right. Uh, all four of you approach the door, and Stony knocks?

> **Stony:** Yes, I do. Very politely.

**Peter:** [amused] Stony lifts his fist to knock, but before it can make contact with the wooden door, it opens. Into a dark space on the other side.

 **Steve:** [quietly] Of course.

 **Tony:** Uh, Stony does not care. He goes in.

 **Peter:** Mm, great. As soon as you cross over the threshold, the door slams shut behind you, submerging you in darkness.

 **Steve:** OF COURSE.

 **Peter:** And… lemme just hit _this_ button...there we go. Ned? Doc? Cap? Can you hear me?

[Pause]

 **Peter:** Nope. Good.

 **Tony:** What’re we doing?

 **Peter:** Well, I don’t want the others to know what’s going on inside this house, so I muted us from them.

 **Tony:** You can do that?

 **Peter:** Well, it’s a new feature that I implemented this week, no biggie.

 **Tony:** Kid, if I die here, I’m revoking your clearance to the programming of the Compound.

 **Peter:** [amused] So, you’re in darkness.

 **Tony:** As has been stated.

 **Peter:** And because you’re a human, you don’t have dark vision, so literally, you can’t see anything. It is just pitch black. But… you can hear. And you can smell. And touch. Do you want to do any of those things?

 **Tony:** I guess I’d like to turn around, and try to get the door open.

 **Peter:** M’kay. You do a 180, and reach out to touch the door that you’d walked through. When you reach out, however, your hands make contact with air, and you stumble forward, a little.

 **Tony:** I don’t - all right, I’m gonna give it to you, this is cool, but uh, I’d like my companions back, please.

 **Peter:** You’ve got other things you can do.

 **Tony:** Fine. Uh, I’ll try and listen, and see if I can hear anything.

 **Peter:** Roll perception.

[Pause]

 **Peter:** Where are your die?

 **Tony:** Dunno.

 **Peter:** [sighing] Fine, here, you can use mine.

[Dice roll]

 **Tony:** 15.

 **Peter:** 15, okay. Uh… you can hear… music. It’s very faint, but just loud enough that you can tell the direction it’s coming from.

 **Tony:** Do I know the instrument?

 **Peter:** It’s a lute.

 **Tony:** Great. Uh… okay, I guess I’m walking towards the lute music.

 **Peter:** All right. You head forward into the darkness, and I’m gonna need you to not say anything for the next few minutes, until I get the next boy in here, or all three of them, whatever.

 **Tony:** Okay.

[Pause]

 **Peter:** You’re back.

 **Bruce:** What was _that?_

 **Peter:** I’m sorry, I had to do things with Mr. Stark that you guys couldn’t know about. Uh, who’s gonna knock on the door next?

 **Ned:** We’re still standing outside, then?

 **Peter:** Yep. You’re outside, the door is shut.

 **Steve:** Uh, I’m going to circle the house, try to find another way in.

 **Peter:** All right. Roll investigation.

 **Steve:** 14.

 **Peter:** You circle the house, but there does not seem to be another entrance.

 **Steve:** With a _14?_

 **Peter:** Even with a 14. Uh, can you roll a perception check for me, too?

 **Steve:** Okay…? [dice roll] That’s a 16.

 **Peter:** As you circle around the house, and get within sight of the edge of the forest, uh, you notice some movement, in the trees.

 **Steve:** Well. That can’t be good.

 **Ned:** All right, fuck it. I knock.

 **Peter:** Okay. The door opens.

 **Ned:** I go in.

 **Bruce:** [quickly] Me too!

 **Peter:** Fun, fun. Good stuff. The door slams shut once the two of you are inside, closing you in darkness. And… sorry, Cap - [Pause] Everybody else here?

 **Ned:** What’s - I don’t like this new technology.

 **Bruce:** Yeah, me either.

 **Peter:** Uh, so the two of you are standing in darkness, and I think you both can see in the dark?

 **Bruce:** [crosstalk] I can.

 **Ned:** [crosstalk] Yes.

 **Peter:** Sweet, so, you two can sort of make out some shapes in the darkness that look as though they might be furniture. You see a couple of armchairs, a small, medieval equivalent to a coffee table, uh… a bookshelf, maybe? This space that you are in is very small.

 **Bruce:** We can’t see Tony?

 **Peter:** You cannot.

 **Tony:** [whispering] You can hear me, though. _Whoo._  I’m a _ghost._

 **Ned:** You died already?!

 **Tony:** [normal volume] No, I’m good. I’m not allowed to tell you anything, though.

 **Peter:** Yeah, I probably wouldn’t even have the three of you talking to one another if I could avoid it, but Mr. Stark is in the room with me.

 **Bruce:** Wow, okay. This is definitely a lot more than I thought it was going to be.

 **Peter:** Yeah. I have plans. Uh, okay, so the two of you can see. What do you want to do?

 **Bruce:** Can I investigate that bookshelf?

 **Peter:** Sure.

 **Bruce:** [dice roll] Uh… oh, I have a plus five. [Laughing]

 **Peter:** Holy shit. How do you have a plus five investigation?

 **Bruce:** I don’t know! My intelligence is plus 3, and I guess I have a bonus for investigation. Uh, it’s a 19.

 **Peter:** Yeah, okay. You investigate the hell out of that bookcase. And you find a book that seems to be sticking into the bookcase a bit more stiffly than the ones around it.

 **Bruce:** I pull that book out as hard as I can.

 **Peter:** Yeah you do! Roll strength.

 **Bruce:** Here, I don’t have plus anything. Uh, still a 16, though.

 **Peter:** Pretty good. You manage to pull the book out, but it does not come off the shelf. Instead, the shelf moves sideways, revealing a space behind it that looks to lead downwards. And, uh, Jak, I need you to roll an intelligence save.

 **Ned:** Okay. [dice roll] [snorting] Hm, welp.

 **Peter:** Yes?

 **Ned:** Five, my brother!

 **Peter:** Ooh, not great. Uh, through the darkness, you can make out a figure, and it… oddly enough, it looks like it might be… Arlo Garrick.

 **Ned:** Ooh! Y’know y’boy’s running after him.

 **Peter:** [amused] Excellent. Uh, Pentan, you see Jak sort off run off into the darkness, and disappear around a corner, after nothing.

> **Pentan:** Oh, dear. Uh…

**Peter:** Do you go down the stairs?

 **Bruce:** I think I go down the stairs.

 **Peter:** All right. Pentan descends into the darkness. Let’s bring Cap back in; don’t say anything to him, all right?

 **Ned:** Got it.

[Pause]

 **Peter:** Hey, Cap. Sorry ‘bout that.

 **Steve:** What - am I not supposed to know what’s going on with the others?

 **Peter:** That’s exactly it.

 **Steve:** Uh, okay. I guess… there’s really no other way in?

 **Peter:** Not that you can see.

 **Steve:** All right. I guess I’m knocking, too, then. Because I don’t want to deal with the figure in the woods on my own.

 **Peter:** The door opens.

 **Steve:** I step inside.

 **Peter:** The door shuts. You can’t see anything. What do you do?

 **Steve:** I want to call out, see if any of the others can hear me.

 **Peter:** Okay.

> **Gray:** Hey, guys? Where’re you?

**Peter:** Uh… Doc, I’m gonna say you’re the only one who might hear him, so go ahead and roll perception.

 **Bruce:** ‘kay. [dice roll] Mm, no. It was a six.

 **Peter:** Great. Uh, what else would you like to try, Cap?

 **Steve:** I guess… can _I_ hear anything?

 **Peter:** Roll perception.

[dice roll]

 **Steve:** 18.

 **Peter:** Okay, you can hear what sounds like talking, coming from somewhere ahead of you.

 **Steve:** Is it a voice I recognize?

 **Peter:** It’s _two_ voices you recognize. You… they are voices that you’ve known your whole life.

 **Steve:** I guess I head towards them.

 **Peter:** All right. And… you guys gone? [Pause] Yep. Mr. Stark.

 **Tony:** Do you know how hard it is not to say anything?

 **Peter:** I’m very proud of you. You were following the sound of lute music, correct?

 **Tony:** Yes I was, and I have a feeling I know where this is going.

 **Peter:** Uh, okay, so you follow this music for several minutes, completely unaware that the rest of your party has also entered the… well, wherever it is you’ve found yourself. Could you roll a quick intelligence save for me? With my dice.

 **Tony:** [dice roll] 8.

 **Peter:** Okay. You cross into a room that is lit up with a few candles. This room appears to be empty of everything aside from a wooden stool, and really, it doesn’t even look like a room, necessarily. It… it looks more like… like one of the wagons that you and your troupe used to travel from city to city. And for - you suddenly feel as though you’re _in_ one of those wagons, like, the room is swaying the way a wagon would, and when you look over your shoulder, you can see road and forest behind you, through the wagon’s opening. But your attention quickly turns back to the person that is seated on the stool.

That person is your mother. She is cradling a lute in her hands, gently tugging at the strings, playing a melody that you recognize, slightly, although there seems to be something off about it. You can’t tell what that is, though. And, for some reason, you suddenly can’t remember what you were doing, and you can’t remember that your mother is supposed to be dead, killed by bandits in the woods eight years ago. She looks just as she did, and after a moment, she notices you, and smiles.

Uh, what was your mother’s name, Stony?

 **Tony:** [quietly] Aspen.

 **Peter:** Aspen plucks a few more notes on the lute, her eyes still on you.

> **Aspen:** My dear boy. I’ve missed you so. Look how much you’ve grown.
> 
> **Stony:** Mother -
> 
> **Aspen:** Have you been practicing? You know how important it is to practice, so that you don’t lose any of your skills.
> 
> **Stony:** I’ve practiced. Where - where have you been?
> 
> **Aspen:** With _you,_  sweetheart. I’ve always been with you, and I will always be with you, I promise. Do you trust me?
> 
> **Stony:** Yes, more than anyone.

**Peter:** She seems pleased by this response.

> **Aspen:** You know that your father and I love you very much, don’t you?
> 
> **Stony:** Maybe you do. I wonder about Dad, sometimes.
> 
> **Aspen:** He loves you just as much as I do.
> 
> **Stony:** Where is he?
> 
> **Aspen:** You know how he can get; storming off to be alone for hours at a time. It’s amazing he’s still the leader of our troupe, with how often he disappears.
> 
> **Stony:** What’s that song you’re playing?

**Peter:** Uh, she looks down at the lute in her hands.

> **Aspen:** Don’t you recognize it? I used to play it for you, to help you get to sleep. That was when you were much younger, though.
> 
> **Stony:** I thought I knew what it was, but… it just sounds strange, that’s all.
> 
> **Aspen:** How do you mean? Do you think I need to tune the lute?
> 
> **Stony:** Maybe - I could do it for you, if you want.
> 
> **Aspen:** Oh, no, that’s all right, sweetling. I can take care of it.

**Peter:** And you watch as she raises the instrument a bit, and starts to twist the wooden knobs that are connected to the strings, holding them in place. She seems to fumble with them a bit, however, as though she doesn’t exactly know what she’s doing.

 **Tony:** I take a step towards her.

> **Stony:** Are you sure you don’t need help? I don’t want you to break the strings.
> 
> **Aspen:** I won’t. I’ve been tuning instruments since before you were born.

**Peter:** And she nods towards a small table, that you hadn’t noticed before, against one wall of this room. Sitting on top of it is a clay pot, that has a steaming liquid inside of it.

> **Aspen:** Be a dear, and pour us some tea. I’d like to talk to you some more, about what you’ve been doing. Have you traveled many places, playing music for people?

**Tony:** Uh, I guess I go over to the table.

 **Peter:** Okay. There are two cups next to the pot, along with a bowl of sugar.

 **Tony:** I pour tea into the two cups.

 **Peter:** Roll perception. With my dice.

 **Tony:** [dice roll] Natural 20, baby.

 **Peter:** Of course. Uh, as you pour the tea, a pretty sharp, tangy smell reaches your nose. You recognize the smell, having been in a traveling troupe that oftentimes slept in the forest. It’s the scent of the nightshade flower, which you know to be poisonous. And the fuzziness that had sort of been in your head fades, and you remember what you’re doing here, where exactly you are, and that your three companions are somewhere nearby. And you are positive that this image of your mother is just that, an image. An illusion.

 **Tony:** Mhm. Uh, I finish pouring the tea, because I don’t want to look suspicious, and I carry it over to her. But, as I reach her, I want to ‘accidentally’ trip, and spill it on her.

 **Peter:** [amused] Okay. Uh, you turn, holding both cups, and you start towards where your mother, at least, what looks like your mother, is still sitting on the stool. Uhm…

 **Tony:** Is it a sleight of hand roll?

 **Peter:** Yeah, I think that works, since you don’t want to make the trip look obvious.

 **Tony:** Okay. [dice roll] 16.

 **Peter:** Yeah, so, you manage to catch the toe of your footwear in a small, uh, I guess fault in the wooden floorboards, and you trip forward, the cups flying from your hands. One of them lands right at the foot of the stool, and the tea splashes upward towards the figure of your mother.

And goes right through her.

 **Tony:** Yes.

 **Peter:** And the illusion that had been cast of your mother fades away in a wisp of smoke, leaving behind the stool, and the spilled cups of tea.

 **Tony:** I beat ‘im.

 **Peter:** What do you want to do?

 **Tony:** I guess go back the way I came.

 **Peter:** All right. Let’s bring the others back in.

[Pause]

 **Peter:** What’s up everybody?

 **Bruce:** That was the longest time ever. Please don’t do that again.

 **Peter:** I’m going to be doing it to two of you again, so that I can hang out with one of you. Uh… let’s start with Jak. [Pause] Ned?

 **Ned:** Here.

 **Peter:** And the other two are not; great! So, you were chasing who appeared to be Arlo Garrick.

 **Ned:** Yes.

 **Peter:** And, because of your dark vision, you can very easily see that the inside of this house is a lot bigger than the outside. Like, you are chasing Arlo down hallways, across rooms, down more hallways; it is ridiculous. Eventually, however, you manage to corner him in what seems to be a library of sorts; there are bookshelves all over the place. And Arlo, seeing that there’s nowhere left to run, kinda drops his shoulders, and turns around to face you.

> **Garrick:** What’s up, Watchman?
> 
> **Jak:** You were easier to catch than I thought you’d be.
> 
> **Garrick:** You haven’t caught me yet.
> 
> **Jak:** Pretty much; you’re stuck between me and a book place.

[Tony snorting. Peter shushing]

> **Garrick:** You try to make jokes like that often?
> 
> **Jak:** No, just when I’m tired of making small talk.

**Ned:** And… I’m gonna pull out my axe.

> **Jak:** Now, come quietly, and maybe I’ll be able to convince the captain not to cut your head off.

**Peter:** He sort of laughs in response, and then there’s a really high pitched, kind of screaming sound, almost. Uh, and around you, the glass doors that were drawn across some of the bookshelves shatter to pieces. And I need you to make a constitution saving throw.

 **Ned:** Okay. [dice roll] 15.

 **Peter:** _Barely_ passes. Okay, so you’ll take half of this roll… that I’m about to do, once Mr. Stark gives me my friggin’ dice.

 **Tony:** Get your own.

 **Peter:** Those _are_ my own! [dice roll] Uh, take 4 damage, Ned.

 **Ned:** All right.

 **Peter:** And when you look back to where Arlo had been, after recovering from this attack via sound, uh, he’s gone.

 **Ned:** Also great.

 **Peter:** What do you want to do now?

 **Ned:** I guess I should try to find my way back to that first room.

 **Peter:** Sounds good. [Pause] Cap?

 **Steve:** Could you maybe warn us when you plan on removing us from the conversation?

 **Peter:** [amused] Sorry. Uh, you’re here now, though. So, you were following the familiar voices that you were able to pick up on. And you follow them into what looks to be a kitchen, and this kitchen is very reminiscent of the one that was in the house that your family lived in, before your parents disappeared. There are some things wrong, though, like uh, your family had pictures that hung on the wall, but they aren’t there. And there was a cabinet in one corner of the room that your mother had, I dunno, little figurines in, but the cabinet’s empty.

Uh, roll an intelligence save for me.

 **Steve:** [sighing] [dice roll] 4.

 **Peter:** Uhm, so, seated at this table are two people that you never thought you would see again: your parents. And they’re talking to one another, and you pick out your name, along with your sister’s name, before your mother notices you, standing in the doorway of this kitchen. Did you name your parents?

 **Steve:** Uh, yes. Lena and Felix, named after two of the people who started the official Captain America Twitter fanpage.

 **Tony:** [whispering] Loser.

 **Peter:** Mr. Stark, I will make you leave!

 **Steve:** It’s all right, Peter; I’ve worked with him long enough not to let it bother me.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh, your mother, Lena, smiles at you, and she says,

> **Lena:** Oh, good, you’re here.
> 
> **Gray:** I didn’t know I was supposed to be.

**Steve:** Question: do I remember that they disappeared?

 **Peter:** Not presently, no. And you don’t remember where you are, and you don’t remember that you’re with three other people, who you’ve been separated from. You’re just here in this kitchen of sorts with your parents, and they are both looking at you, now, and your father says,

> **Felix:** Well, of course you were. We’re having dinner, soon. You and your sister spend so much time in the woods; you’d think you’d forgotten the concept of time.
> 
> **Gray:** I’m sorry.
> 
> **Lena:** It’s all right, dear. Do you know where your sister is?

**Steve:** Do I?

 **Peter:** Eh. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, for your sister to go off by herself, right?

 **Steve:** No. She went everywhere on her own, if she could get away with it. Usually, my mother would send me with her, but then she’d disappear anyway. And I’d get blamed for it, for whatever reason. Probably because Violet’s younger than I am.

 **Peter:** Right, so, yeah, you don’t - in this scenario, you don’t know where she is.

 **Steve:** Okay.

> **Gray:** I haven’t seen her.
> 
> **Felix:** [sighing] We need to get a leash for that child.
> 
> **Gray:** I don’t think even that would keep her away from the woods.

**Peter:** When you say that, uh, your mother and father exchange a look, and it’s one that you’ve seen before, whenever your sister and how much she enjoyed the woods was ever the topic of conversation. It’s a look that sort of implies that there’s more to it than that surface level information, that Violet just really likes the woods. But you’ve never learned what that look actually means.

 **Steve:** Okay.

> **Gray:** I can go find her, if you want.
> 
> **Lena:** No! No, that’s all right. If you go back outside, I’ll never be able to bring you back in, either. Would you go check on the stew for me, instead?
> 
> **Gray:** Sure.

**Tony:** Aw, c’mon, kid.

 **Peter:** Hush.

 **Tony:** You couldn’t think of anything else?

 **Steve:** What?

 **Peter:** Nothing. Ignore him. Uh, so, do you go check on the stew?

 **Steve:** Yeah, I guess so.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh, there is a fireplace against one wall, and hanging over the fire is an iron pot that has stew bubbling away inside of it. Uhm -

 **Tony:** Is this illusionist we’re going to be fighting a _level 5_?

 **Peter:** Mr. Stark.

 **Tony:** You want _us,_  a bunch of _level 2’s,_  to fight a _level 5?_  Are you _insane?_

 **Peter:** You need to stop interrupting. You’re breaking the immersion.

 **Tony:** [mumbling] A level _5._  I only have 18 HP.

 **Peter:** So, you go over to the fireplace, and you pick up a wooden spoon that’s hanging from a hook next to it, and you give the stew a stir. And your mother says,

> **Lena:** Will you taste it, make sure it doesn’t need any extra seasoning?
> 
> **Gray:** Okay.

**Steve:** Uh - I guess I taste it.

 **Peter:** Roll perception first.

 **Steve:** All right… [dice roll] 18.

 **Peter:** Oh, thank God. Uh, as you bring the spoon up to your mouth, to taste it, a very sharp, tangy scent fills your nose. And you, having spent quite some time on the road, camping in the woods, and learning about different plants and stuff from your sister and Ben, uh, you recognize this smell to belong to nightshade, which is poisonous.

 **Steve:** My parents are trying to kill me?

 **Peter:** Well -

 **Tony:** [muttering] I can’t. I’m gonna get up and leave on purpose, holy shit.

 **Peter:** Mr. Stark, shut _up._  Uh, no, Cap, your parents aren’t trying to kill you. Uh, when you smell the poison, your memories kind of come flooding back, and you realize that your parents have been missing for five years, and you remember that your sister is back at the Legionnaires’ camp, and not running around somewhere in the woods. And you remember that you’re here in this house because you’re looking for an illusionist wizard, with three other companions, all of which disappeared into the house before you even went in.

And you can sort of make the assumption that these forms of your parents are not real.

 **Steve:** Okay, great. Uh… what do I do about them, then?

 **Tony:** Okay, I’m leaving the room. Come get me when we’re done with this.

 **Peter:** Mr. Stark. Oh, well. Okay. Uh, I dunno, Cap, you could immediately start attacking them, pull some sneaky exposure stuff, it’s up to you.

 **Steve:** But the goal is to expose them as an illusion.

 **Peter:** Yeah.

 **Steve:** All right. [Pause] I want to… throw the wooden spoon at them.

 **Peter:** [amused] All right. Uh, you’ll need to make a ranged attack.

 **Steve:** That’s dexterity, right?

 **Peter:** Yessir.

 **Steve:** [dice roll] Uh, that’s a 13.

 **Peter:** Uhm.

 **Steve:** Not good?

 **Peter:** It could be better. You wanted to hit both of them with the spoon, right?

 **Steve:** Try too, yeah.

 **Peter:** Okay. Well, you don’t do that. Uh, you turn and fling this spoon at your parents, or the illusion of your parents, and it hits your mother. As soon as it passes through her, she disappears into some smoke, and the image of your father looks at you, shocked.

> **Felix:** What did you do that for?
> 
> **Gray:** Don’t speak to me.
> 
> **Felix:** Gray -
> 
> **Gray:** Don’t.

**Steve:** And I pull out my sword.

 **Peter:** Good. Uh, he rises from the table, holding up his hands, and he says,

> **Felix:** Don’t strain yourself, son.
> 
> **Gray:** Stop talking as if you know me.

**Steve:** Can I hit him?

 **Peter:** Before you get a chance too, uh, a loud shriek comes from the pot of stew, shattering the glass doors on the cabinet. Roll a constitution saving throw for me, please.

 **Steve:** [dice roll] 16.

 **Peter:** Okay. You take 5 damage.

 **Steve:** From a noise?

 **Peter:** Yeah; it’s called thunder damage.

 **Steve:** Oh, okay. There are categories of damage.

 **Peter:** When it comes to magic, yes. And, when you recover from this attack by sound, uh, the illusion of your father is gone, and so is the kitchen that you had been in. Instead, you’re back in the first room you entered, in the building. Candles have been lit, and in the room you see Jak and Stony.

Welcome back, Ned.

 **Ned:** Thanks. Uh, am I here by myself, or -?

 **Steve:** Nope, I’m here too.

 **Tony:** And I’m back.

 **Ned:** Where did _you_ go?

 **Tony:** Away. I couldn’t listen to Rogers try and play D&D.

 **Steve:** But Banner isn’t here. Why is that, Parker?

 **Peter:** Because what I’m doing with the three of you has no place for him. He’s somewhere else entirely.

 **Ned:** You should probably talk to him, though, just let him know it’s gonna be a bit longer.

 **Peter:** Mm, yeah, good idea. Hang on. [Pause] Doc? You with me?

 **Bruce:** What’s going on?

 **Peter:** Uh, I’m just gonna do one last thing with the others, and then we’ll jump to you, I promise.

 **Bruce:** So I’m gonna be alone again?

 **Peter:** Just for a few more minutes.

 **Bruce:** [sighing] Okay. I’m gonna go get more taquitos, then.

 **Peter:** [amused] You do that. [Pause] All right, he’s good.

 **Ned:** Good.

 **Peter:** So, the three of you meet back up in the first room of the house, and everybody can see, now, because candles have been lit by someone. Uh, both Jak and Gray are a little roughed up, but otherwise, you’re all in one piece, so that’s good. You beat the first level illusion puzzles.

 **Steve:** Those were the first level? Oh, no.

 **Tony:** Don’t be a baby about it. We’re fighting a level 5 illusionist.

 **Ned:** He’s a _level 5?_

 **Tony:** That was my reaction, too, Ned.

 **Peter:** Uh, anyway. Do you all want to roleplay here, maybe?

 **Ned:** Yeah, yeah, sure. Uh, Jak glances Gray over, and says,

> **Jak:** Who got to you?
> 
> **Gray:** My parents, apparently. You?
> 
> **Jak:** Your pal Garrick.
> 
> **Stony:** I don’t understand how this guy knows enough about us to be able to pull this shit.
> 
> **Gray:** I think I have an idea about mine, but you two… it does seem strange.
> 
> **Jak:** Well, however he did it, I think it’s high time we figure out where this jackass is, so that we can take him down. Where’s the wizard?
> 
> **Gray:** You were the last one to see him, probably.
> 
> **Jak:** Yeah, and - oh, shit.

**Ned:** Is the bookshelf still moved out of the way of the secret passage?

 **Steve:** What secret passage?

 **Peter:** Uh, yes, it is.

 **Ned:** Okay, Jak hurries over to it, and peers down into the darkness. Can I see anything?

 **Peter:** You cannot, which is a little alarming.

 **Ned:** Yeah, it is, because what the hell, Peter, I have _dark vision._

> **Gray:** Uh, what is that?
> 
> **Jak:** The wizard found this secret passage. I would have gone with him into it, but I saw Garrick. Or, I _thought_ I saw Garrick. Dammit, why would he go down there by himself?
> 
> **Stony:** Well, we can’t just stand here and wait for him to come back up! Let’s go after him.
> 
> **Gray:** Hang on a second; I don’t know about you, but I can’t see anything in this hole. Who knows what’s waiting on the other side?.
> 
> **Stony:** That’s exactly why we need to go in after him. He’s a level two, just like us!

[Peter snorting]

> **Jak:** I hate to say this, but I agree with the bard. We can’t leave Robes to defend himself, especially since we came here to talk to the illusionist in the first place. I say we go.
> 
> **Gray:** All right. I’m with you two. Let’s go save our wizard.

**Peter:** Doc would be so happy to hear himself being called that.

 **Ned:** What, ‘our wizard’?

 **Peter:** Yes. It’s so sappy and adorable, and you’ve only known one another for like a day. I love it. Uh, anyway, I’m gonna go hang out with Doc, now, for a little while. You guys gonna be okay for a bit?

 **Tony:** No, I’m gonna leave the compound, and make it so that you can’t finish the session until I come back.

 **Peter:** Uh, if that happened, I’d just take control of your character. That’s something I’m allowed to do, as DM.

 **Tony:** What? No it’s not!

 **Peter:** Mhm, it super is, dude.

 **Tony:** Okay, fine. Whatever.

 **Peter:** Great, talk to you three in a bit, I promise.


	11. Chapter 1 - Session 6 - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party meets the illusionist, and It Gets Worse!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, it's ScribbleWiggy, your author, you dungeon master (technically), and your English estate ladyship. I've been watching 'Downton Abbey', and I can't stop.  
> Thank you for reading every time I manage to upload something new; I know that the additions are not exactly set with a specific schedule, and I apologize for that. I also apologize, because I will probably be taking a break from uploading, and writing, for maybe two or three weeks. My second semester of my sophomore year of college is starting next week, and I'm taking 18 credit hours, so I expect to lose my mind, and I doubt anyone wants me to be writing or posting while that's happening.  
> It's just a brief hiatus, of course, and it works out, because this chapter happens to be the last bit of this first part of the It Gets Worse campaign. I have the second written out already, and I just got started on the third last night, with no end in sight, so... we'll see how long this lasts, I guess.  
> As soon as I've adjusted to college again, I'll be back once more, with Chapter 2 of It Gets Worse. Things are definitely going to Get Worse, I assure you.

**Peter:** Hey, Doc.

 **Bruce:** Peter.

 **Peter:** So, last time we heard from Pentan, he’d just gone into a dark hole, that right?

 **Bruce:** Yep.

 **Peter:** Great, so, I should mention that this darkness is dark enough to where you can barely see, even with your dark vision. It’s almost like it’s been enhanced with magic of some kind, to make it this dark. Uh, but you managed to find your way down a short set of stairs into a basement, of sorts. And this basement looks like it might be sort of the real living quarters, beneath this facade of a house. Uh, and the basement is void of life, making you think that Crit, the illusionist, is probably off messing with your companions.

> **Pentan:** Gives me time to figure out what’s going on down here.

**Peter:** Yeah, sure. Did you - [amused] did you just say that in your character voice?

 **Bruce:** Pentan talks to himself. Character choice.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh, so, yeah, this basement has a bed, a small cooking pot that’s placed beneath a hole in the ceiling, so that smoke filters out when the cooking pot gets used. Uhm… and there’s a table, against one of the walls, that is covered in books and loose pieces of parchment. There’s also a bookshelf, but it’s mostly empty, and you think that the books that should be on its shelves are on the table.

 **Bruce:** Is this room, like, dirt? Or does it have a foundation?

 **Peter:** The floor is dirt, but the walls are made of wood.

 **Bruce:** Okay. I guess I go over to the table.

 **Peter:** All right.

 **Bruce:** Uh… I want to start with the loose paper, first.

 **Peter:** Roll investigation - no - well, yeah. Do that, to find the interesting stuff, first.

 **Bruce:** All righty. [dice roll] 13.

 **Peter:** Yeah, all right. So you spot some interesting looking jargon on a few of these pieces of paper that you think looks important. Uh, roll… arcana, now.

 **Bruce:** [dice roll] That’s a 15.

 **Peter:** Okay, so, based on your wizardly knowledge, that you’ve gathered from a couple of classes that you took at the Academy, you’re able to discern the writing on the parchment as describing the characteristics of… druids.

 **Bruce:** Druids, huh? What’re those, again?

 **Peter:** A druid is someone who is incredibly attuned to nature. Uh, they can cast magic that draws from the power of nature, and they can also turn into animal shapes, if they so choose. They’re really cool. That’s sort of the information that you find on these pieces of parchment, as well as the type of spells that druids are known to cast.

> **Pentan:** Why is an illusionist studying druidic magic?
> 
> **Unknown:** [sounds like [Harry Potter when he speaks Parseltongue](https://youtu.be/ZAf3U0J8Se8?t=88)] Mm, pity that you aren’t smarter. You’d probably be able to figure it out, if you were.

**Peter:** Uh, Pentan, you spin around at the new voice, from behind you, and you find yourself face to face with an incredibly tall, incredibly intimidating tiefling. They are dressed in dark robes, and they look a little beat up, but not too bad. Uh, and they cock their head to the side, and smile at you.

> **Unknown:** Poor wizard. All alone, separated from his friends.
> 
> **Pentan:** Are you Crit?
> 
> **Crit:** Mm, not as dumb as I thought. That’s good, for you.
> 
> **Pentan:** What have you been doing to my companions?
> 
> **Crit:** Just playing with them. It’s not everyday that I get so many visitors. But of course, that’s by choice, and on purpose.
> 
> **Pentan:** Have you hurt them?
> 
> **Crit:** No more than to weaken them, a bit. If things go according to plan, they will follow you down here, to my actual home, and I’ll be able to pick you off. I’d rather they have run out of here screaming, but… I guess I’m a bit out of practice.
> 
> **Pentan:** How long have you been studying magic?

**Peter:** Oh, I see what you’re doing.

 **Bruce:** Do you? Is it going to work?

 **Peter:** Mm, I guess we’ll find out. Uh, Crit tilts his head in the other direction, apparently pondering your question.

> **Crit:** A long time. I’ve devoted most of my life to it, but my lack of people skills has sort of left me less skilled than I should be.
> 
> **Pentan:** A tiefling with bad people skills? Strange.
> 
> **Crit:** I grew up rather secluded from the public; didn’t get much of a chance to hone that same charisma that most of my race possesses.
> 
> **Pentan:** That’s unfortunate. Were you raised by a human, like myself?
> 
> **Crit:** I had noticed that you’re a half-elf.
> 
> **Pentan:** Yes, my mother was an elf. She abandoned me at my father’s doorstep when I was very young. I hardly remember her face.
> 
> **Crit:** Tell me, wizard, which side of the family does your magic come from?
> 
> **Pentan:** I’m going to assume my mother’s, since no one I ever met that was a blood relation to my father has possessed magic of any kind.
> 
> **Crit:** It’s difficult, being a minority race and having the sort of magic that humans would keep to themselves, if they could, don’t you think?
> 
> **Pentan:** I wouldn’t know. I grew up rather privileged, being raised by my human father.

**Peter:** Uh, while you’ve been having Crit speak, uh, the other three boys have been creeping down the stairs, down into the basement. [Pause] Hey! Everyone’s together again.

 **Ned:** Oh, good! What kind of mess are we getting into?

 **Tony:** Well, hang on. I want to say hello to Bruce, first. [ Hello, Bruce. I missed ya. ](https://youtu.be/y2RVLX1OCXE?t=48)

**Bruce:** [ Hello, Tony. I missed you, too. ](https://youtu.be/y2RVLX1OCXE?t=48) And you, Steve. And you too, Ned.

 **Ned:** [whining] Peter, they’ve been playing [ GTA V ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grand_Theft_Auto_V) again.

 **Peter:** Or watching YouTube videos.

 **Tony:** The second one.

 **Peter:** Uh, anyway, the three of you started down the stairs into the darkness, but thankfully, that dark didn’t last for very long, because when you reach the bottom of the stairs, you see that they open up into a well lit basement room of sorts, that looks to be the room that Crit uses as his actual living space. Uh, and you see Pentan, standing near the wall furthest away from you, talking to a tall figure, that you make out to be a tiefling from the back. Uh, Pentan, roll perception, to see if you notice our boys.

 **Bruce:** Okay! [dice roll] 12.

 **Peter:** Uhm, okay, so you notice some movement near the shadow steps, but other than that, nothing.

 **Bruce:** I think I can make an assumption, though, right?

 **Peter:** Yeah, sure. Uh, as for the rest of you, are you in any specific order, coming down the stairs?

 **Ned:** I think Jak would’ve been first probably, right? Because he was the most likely one to see in the dark?

 **Peter:** Sure. And then, I’m guessing Gray, then Stony?

 **Tony:** Hey, hey! Why do you assume I’m last?

 **Steve:** Because your character is literally useless in a fight?

 **Tony:** Watch your mouth, Popsicle; I protected all of you from having to fight a second bear thing.

 **Peter:** Please don’t start fighting right now, I’m trying to give you a scenario.

 **Steve:** I’m not fighting. I was stating facts.

 **Ned:** Hey! Cap, you’re supposed to be the bigger person.

 **Tony:** Oh, don’t tempt me, Mr. Leeds.

 **Ned:** Tempt you to do what?

 **Bruce:** Knock it off, all of you! This tiefling illusionist guy is going to start fighting me, soon, and you all should take advantage of a surprise attack while you have it.

 **Peter:** Exactly! Yes, you guys have a surprise round, as long as you don’t do anything stupidly obvious. What do you want to start with?

 **Ned:** I’m lunging into the room and swinging my axe at the tiefling, as long as there are no barriers preventing me from doing that.

 **Tony:** Why can’t we ever do anything strategically?

 **Peter:** Uh, no, there’s nothing in your way, so sure, if you want to waste your _perfectly good surprise round with a stupid attack,_  be my guest.

 **Ned:** Well, what else is there, wait for him to decide he’s done having friendly conversation with Doc?

 **Steve:** Keep in mind that this guy is going to be the toughest enemy we’ll be fighting for probably a while, so…

 **Peter:** Yeah, this is a level five wizard whose focus is illusion. You guys are going to have a pretty tough match, here.

 **Ned:** Well, does anyone else have a better suggestion?

 **Tony:** We should distract him, so that Bruce can shoot him with a sure-to-hit magic missile, yeah?

 **Steve:** That sounds good to me. Uh, I’m gonna… is there anything within reach, that we can knock over, maybe?  

 **Peter:** Uh… not really? I mean, there isn’t much in this room, aside from a bed, a cooking pot, a table, which Pentan is standing in front of, and a basically empty bookshelf, so…

 **Bruce:** What if I throw a book?

 **Ned:** The point is that we distract him for you so that you can smite him with magic missile, Doc.

 **Bruce:** [quietly] It was just a suggestion.

 **Steve:** We don’t want to let him know that we’re here, which… is gonna be difficult to do, in this tiny space. Unless Crit has rats?

 **Tony:** I doubt he has rats. Maybe… [sighing] This is stupid.

 **Ned:** Can’t be any stupider than anything else we might end up doing.

 **Tony:** Well, what if I play my lute, up the stairs aways? So that he’ll have further to move, if he wants to get to where the music is coming from, which gives Doc more time to shoot him?

 **Ned:** Okay… but what about Cap and I?

 **Tony:** You’ll be behind me.

 **Bruce:** That isn’t great, for jumping into combat as soon as I hit him.

 **Tony:** Mm, no, I guess not. Eff.

 **Steve:** Peter, you said we were standing in shadow?

 **Peter:** Yes.

 **Steve:** How far does this shadow stretch? Like, how far away from the stairs can we go before we get spotted?

 **Peter:** It mostly stops at the bottom, but it does spread to the sides a little, like, right up against the walls.

 **Ned:** Oh… okay. So if Steve and I hid there, and Stony played his lute from up the stairs… yes, that sounds pretty good!

 **Tony:** So is that the plan?

 **Ned:** Yeah, I think so.

 **Steve:** Sounds good to me.

 **Bruce:** Let’s do this, team.

 **Peter:** Okay, so, uh, Jak and Gray creep into the shadows against the wall on either side of the staircase, and Stony, you move back up them a bit, to get further out of sight. And… you pull out your lute and just start playing?

 **Tony:** Mhm.

 **Peter:** All right. Uh, Crit immediately turns at the sound of music, and he kind of peers in the direction of the stairs, but he doesn’t move towards them. Instead, he says,

> **Crit:** Very good try, boys, but I’m afraid that you’ll have to give it up.

**Bruce:** Yeah, while he’s talking, I’m gonna fire magic missile at him.

 **Peter:** Okay.

 **Bruce:** [dice roll] 11.

[Noises of jubilation and surprise]

 **Tony:** Good fuckin’ hit!

 **Peter:** Yeah, that was impressive. Uh, in succession, four white darts of energy fly from your fingertips, and nail Crit in the back. And he staggers forward from the force. I think it’s time that we roll initiative, boys.

[Numerous dice rolling]

 **Bruce:** Uh, 15.

 **Ned:** 17.

 **Steve:** [pleased] 22.

[Peter whistling]

 **Tony:** I got nine.

 **Peter:** Okay, uh, what’s your modifier, boss?

 **Tony:** Plus two, why?

 **Peter:** ‘Cause Crit also got a nine, and in the case of a tie, the person with the higher modifier goes first, so, uh, you all are going before the tiefling. Be grateful.

[Sounds of gratefulness]

 **Peter:** Okay, so, uh, Gray! You’re up first, my guy.

 **Steve:** Great. Uh, I’m gonna come out of the shadows with my sword drawn, and I’m just going to go ahead and take advantage of the fact that he’s distracted from Pentan’s magic missiles, and give him a slice.

 **Peter:** Go for it.

 **Steve:** [dice roll] Uh, 15.

 **Peter:** Nope!

 **Steve:** What, wait?

 **Peter:** Doesn’t hit.

 **Tony:** You’re joking.

 **Peter:** I am not. Uh, Jak, you’re next.

 **Ned:** [Pause] Okay… I will also take advantage of the fact that he’s been distracted and try to hit him. [dice roll] 12. Dammit.

 **Peter:** Yep! Doc?

 **Bruce:** I guess I’ll cast a cantrip… Fire Bolt.

 **Ned:** No, don’t do that!

 **Peter:** No, _let him._

 **Ned:** Tieflings are fire resistant, Doc.

 **Peter:** Dang it, Ned, why do you have to ruin _my_ fun?

 **Bruce:** Uh, okay, then I’ll cast Ray of Frost instead. Uh, d20 plus five… 14. Dang it!

 **Peter:** Yes, everything is going according to plan! Mr. Stark, what uh… what’re you gonna throw this time?

 **Tony:** No, I’m just going to keep playing my lute, and give Bardic Inspiration to one of my companions. If you’ll let me do that, DM.

 **Peter:** Uh… yes, I will. That’s very smart of you, Mr. Stark. Uh, so, you get to pick a person who gets to roll d6 after any of their rolls in the next ten minutes, which is… longer than this fight will last, probably, uh, and they get to add whatever that number is to their roll.

 **Tony:** Okay. I pick… Jak.

 **Ned:** Aw, thank you, Mr. Stark!

 **Peter:** [amused] Uhm, so, Crit recovers from the blow he was dealt by Pentan, and he straightens up to his full height, which is a startling one for a tiefling. Not quite as tall as Jak, but almost. Uh, and he glares at the two of you who just tried to hit him, and he hisses,

> **Crit:** Not _smart_.

**Peter:** And then he disappears from view. He has cast Invisibility on himself.

[Groaning noises]

 **Peter:** Uh, Gray. You’re up.

 **Steve:** Well, fine. I’m just going to try and hit the spot that he was in, because he can’t have moved very far away. [dice roll] Damn. It was a 7.

[Laughter]

 **Peter:** Your sword slices through thin air. Neddie?

 **Ned:** You - I don’t like you.

 **Peter:** [pleased] I know.

 **Ned:** Okay, let me - I want to roll perception, see if I can spot any clues that indicates where he might have gone.

 **Peter:** Good idea.

 **Ned:** [dice roll] 10.

 **Peter:** Mm… I’m gonna say that you felt a slight breeze cross to your right, but other than that, you got nothing.

 **Ned:** Well, I’m gonna swing to my right anyway. [dice roll] 20! Hell yeah! That hits, and don’t try to tell me that it doesn’t!

 **Peter:** [amused] It hits.

 **Ned:** Damn right it does. [dice roll] And ch’boy only does 5 damage, even after adding my bonus d6.

 **Peter:** Not that good, but uh, he’s… well, he reappears, when you hit him, and he’s cradling his arm, which was what you managed to hit. And he mutters something under his breath. Almost immediately, the books that were on the table start to fly around the room. Or, well, it _looks_ like they’re flying around the room. And uh, Pentan, it is your turn.

 **Bruce:** If I touch one of the books, will it end the illusion altogether?

 **Peter:** Dunno.

 **Bruce:** Yes you do, you just don’t want to give me an answer. Fine. I’m gonna cast Fire Bolt at one of the books.

 **Peter:** Okay. These books are flying, though, so this is gonna be a tough hit.

 **Bruce:** I can do it. [dice roll] Mm, maybe not. It was a 10.

 **Peter:** Yeah, not good enough. Your bolt flies past the book that you attempted to hit, and sets alight the wall that it collides with instead.

 **Tony:** Wait, _what?_

 **Peter:** Yeah, the walls are made of wood. Oh, wait, I only told Doc that. Sorry. Uh, the walls of the room are made of wood! And now one of those walls is sort of on fire.

 **Tony:** Well, _shit,_  Pete!

 **Peter:** Anyway, it’s your turn, now, Mr. Stark.

 **Tony:** I guess I’m running down the dang stairs to put the friggin’ fire out. Uh, can I just, like, hit it with my cloak?

 **Peter:** Yeah, sure. Roll a d20.

 **Tony:** 14.

 **Peter:** You successfully put the fire out.

 **Tony:** Thank God. No more fire, Bruce.

 **Bruce:** [quietly] Got it.

 **Peter:** And now it is Crit’s turn. And he is going to cast… [clicking tongue] What will do the most damage to all of you…?

 **Steve:** [amused] Well, at least you know what your goal is.

 **Peter:** Mm… yeah, okay. Uh, he casts Shatter, which is the spell that he used on Jak and Gray earlier, in which a loud, shrieking sound of sorts erupts from any object of his choice. So… you all need to roll constitution saving throws for me, please and thank you.

[Dice rolling and mumbles]

 **Tony:** [sighing] I got a four.

 **Steve:** 17.

 **Ned:** That’s a seven.

 **Bruce:** 20.

 **Peter:** Mm, nice division. Uh, Doc and Cap, you guys take seven damage, and the other two take 14 damage.

[Noises of disbelief and anger]

 **Ned:** Are you _joking?_

 **Peter:** Hey, dog, I just give you the damage the dice rolls, okay?

 **Tony:** Uh, I am down to three health.

 **Peter:** Wait, really?

 **Tony:** If you’re counting the damage that I took in the woods when Pentan’s hood hit me in the face.

 **Peter:** Oh, shit, I forgot about that. Uh… yeah, that tracks. How about the rest of you?

 **Bruce:** Nine.

 **Steve:** Uh… seven.

 **Ned:** I’m at four.

 **Peter:** Excellent, it’s all going according to plan. Uh, Crit cackles, and says, 

> **Crit:** What’s wrong, boys? Can’t handle a little music?
> 
> **Stony:** [grumbling] That wasn’t _music,_ you overgrown goblin.

**Peter:** Oh, fun. Uh, as soon as you say that, Stony, uh, like, the candles in the room go out for, like, a millisecond, before lighting up again.

[Pause]

 **Bruce:** That’s weird.

 **Peter:** [laughing] Yeah, it is! And it was kind of quick enough that no one really noticed it, but, uh, it definitely happened. Crit noticed, and he looks at you funny for a second, Stony, like he’s wondering where the hell you came from.

 **Tony:** Scrutiny of the worst kind.

 **Peter:** Gray, you’re up.

 **Steve:** I guess I’m trying to hit him again. [dice roll] Christ. 12.

 **Peter:** Not gonna do it. Ned?

 **Ned:** I want to be able to do something else other than hit him, but I have nothing, so… [dice roll] Shit! Six.

 **Peter:** [amused] Pentan?

 **Bruce:** I can’t magic missile him again; I only have one spell slot left.

 **Peter:** Mm, yeah, I don’t know if you want to use it…

 **Bruce:** [sighing] I guess I’m gonna try to hit him with Ray of Frost.

 **Peter:** Go ahead.

 **Bruce:** [dice roll] [sighing] 13.

 **Peter:** Uh, Mr. Stark?

 **Tony:** I’m just gonna lay down in fetal position and cry myself into an early grave.

[Laughter]

 **Tony:** No, I’m joking. Uh… I’m gonna… [sighing] I’ll hit him with my weapon, I guess. My rapier.

 **Peter:** All right. You’ll need to move, like, twenty feet first.

 **Tony:** Sure. [dice roll] 14?

 **Peter:** No, sir.

 **Tony:** I didn’t think so. Can I lay down in fetal position now?

 **Peter:** You’re going to end up doing that in about ten seconds, I think because uh, Crit’s gonna cast Shatter again. Constitution saving throws, please, everybody.

[Dice rolling]

 **Ned:** 15.

 **Tony:** 20, thank God, although, probably not gonna help much.

 **Bruce:** I got 16.

 **Steve:** 18.

 **Peter:** All right, so you’re all going to take half damage… [dice roll] Eight damage.

 **Tony:** I’m dead!

 **Steve:** Yep, me too.

 **Ned:** Same here.

 **Bruce:** I am hanging on by one health point.

 **Peter:** This is exactly where I wanted you all to be, I promise. None of you are in actual danger of dying, here. Uh, so, Crit looks around at the three boys, and sees that they’ve all collapsed into unconsciousness. And then he turns to you, Pentan, and he sees you kind of struggling to keep yourself upright. And he chuckles, evilly, and crosses the room towards where you are.

He pauses, a few steps away, and he says,

> **Crit:** I guess it’s only fair I finish you off with the same spell you used on me. Too bad; we might have found common ground in our shared magical abilities. Shame.

He raises his hands, his fingers glowing bright white with magical energy, and he prepares to cast magic missile at you. And just as he is about to send the bullets into your chest, a quiet voice speaks up, from the direction of the stairs.

> **Garrick:** I wouldn’t do that, if I were you.

**Ned:** [quietly] Oh my God.

 **Steve:** It - is it who I think it is?

 **Bruce:** Of course it is! No one else has that brogue, except maybe Thor!

 **Tony:** FRIDAY, play ‘ [ My Boyfriend’s Back’, by Paris Bennet, starting at 16 seconds ](https://youtu.be/_X5m4BmxoIA?t=16).

[Faint music: ‘My boyfriend’s back, and you’re gonna get in trouble’; ‘Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend’s back’]

[Peter cackling]

 **~** END OF TRANSMISSION - LOGGED OCTOBER 17th ~


	12. Chapter 2 - Session 1 - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter begins. Guess what? It Gets Worse!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, it's Wiggs, your author, your technical DM, and your second semester college sophomore. I got to touch primary sources from the 1920's today, and yes, I am an actual nerd.  
> It's only been, like, three weeks since I posted last, and mentioned that I was going on hiatus. That hiatus, if you can even call it that, is officially over, since it didn't take me as long as I thought it would to get back into the groove of things.  
> (Also it wasn't technically a hiatus since I was writing this mess the entire time).  
> Anyway, we back with Chapter 2 of It Gets Worse!, and we'll be in this one for a while. Got some interesting things coming up, so stick around, if you actually want to see the boys get into the meat of the story that Peter's (I've) come up with!

~ START OF TRANSMISSION - AVENGERS COMPOUND - NOVEMBER 4th ~

 **Ned:** Whoops, we took a long time again. Not good.

 **Peter:** Well, when two of the party members are in college, and four of the party members fight crime on a regular basis, you’re going to have long breaks in between sessions. It’s just how it goes.

 **Tony:** But it would’ve been so much better if we’d been able to do the aftermath of the last session immediately, because my _God,_ she ended with a bang.

 **Peter:** As intended.  

 **Bruce:** That was definitely my favorite session we’ve done.

[Noises of agreement]

 **Peter:** Really? I tried to make it fun and, y’know, kind of important to the overall story. I wasn’t sure if it was too much, or not enough…

 **Steve:** No, it was really good all around. The combat was a little rough, but it was supposed to be, so I think you can say that you achieved what you wanted to.

 **Bruce:** Except we’re probably not going to figure out why Crit was looking into druids.

 **Ned:** Wait, he was?

 **Peter:** Oh, yeah, that was part of the the private part I had with Doc - uh, shoot, let’s figure out the direct aftermath from the last session, and then I’ll let everyone talk through what they each went through when you all were separated, okay?

 **Tony:** Sure. Spin a tale, Pete.

 **Peter:** Okay, uh, so, we left off when Crit was just about to finish Pentan off with magic missiles to the chest. Uh, but before he could do that, someone interrupted him, and I think everyone guessed who that was in the last session: Arlo Garrick, who brought you all together in the first place. And three out of four of you are unconscious, so you don’t really know that he’s here, but he is, and he’s got two daggers in either hand, and he’s glaring at Crit like Crit’s the worst person he’s ever met.

> **Garrick:** Back away from the wizard, tiefling.

**Peter:** And uh, Crit sort of grins in response, but he does move away from where Pentan is standing next to the table in the room, supporting himself on it. ‘Cause you only have one health left, right Doc?

 **Bruce:** Yes.

 **Peter:** So, yeah, you’re on the verge of collapsing yourself, uh, but you’re still awake enough to see Crit walk towards where Arlo is standing at the bottom of the steps.

> **Crit:** Interesting… you’ve changed quite a bit since I last saw you.
> 
> **Garrick:** It’s been a while.

**Peter:** And Crit says,

> **Crit:** Indeed. Are you still with those mercenaries?
> 
> **Garrick:** Shouldn’t you know?

**Peter:** Crit shrugs in response, and says,

> **Crit:** I’m only doing research for your boss; I don’t care about the rest of the goings-on.
> 
> **Garrick:** Mm, riddle me this, then; why do you want the orcs gone?
> 
> **Crit:** You think that was _me?_
> 
> **Garrick:** You’re the one who gave us the job.

**Ned:** Are you okay, Peter? Switching between these two voices cannot be easy.

 **Peter:** It isn’t; I’m definitely not going to be able to talk tomorrow. I shouldn’t have chosen the [ Parseltongue ](http://harrypotter.wikia.com/wiki/Parseltongue) in English effect for Crit. Uh, anyway, Crit waves his hand dismissively in response to Arlo’s comment, and glances around at the three unconscious boys, and he says,

> **Crit:** They should’ve known better, coming after me. They had no chance.
> 
> **Garrick:** No one here is dying today, except maybe you.
> 
> **Crit:** Mm, brave boy. You weren’t always this way.
> 
> **Garrick:** I had to change, in order to fit into the life I chose.
> 
> **Crit:** You didn’t choose this life; you ran away from your other one.

**Peter:** And Arlo scowls at him, and says,

> **Garrick:** You have no place to say what it was that I did, illusionist.

**Peter:** And then he sort of adjusts his stance, into a fighting position.

> **Garrick:** Now, are you going to put up a fight, or am I just allowed to cut you down?
> 
> **Crit:** Child, do you know how long I’ve been using magic?

**Peter:** His hands flash white again, as he prepares magic missile once more, this time to use on Arlo.

> **Crit:** You have no chance.

**Bruce:** I’d like to use my last spell slot, and my last moment of consciousness, to cast magic missile on Crit again. First. Before he can hit Arlo.

 **Tony:** Good call. Love the drama.

 **Peter:** Yeah, definitely. Okay, go ahead and roll damage.

 **Bruce:** [dice roll] 7.

 **Peter:** Nice. Uh… [pause] Okay, he’s pretty beat up, now, Crit is. And he stumbles forward, after getting hit by your four missiles. And you sort of - that exerted the last bit of your strength, and you collapse, too. And we see Arlo, as soon as Crit hunches forward from the force of Pentan’s spell, lunge toward Crit, daggers flashing. Crit glances up just in time to make eye contact with Arlo as his daggers pierce either side of the tiefling’s chest. And Crit smiles, a little, as he dies.

Arlo pulls his daggers free, and backs up, allowing Crit’s body to fall flat onto the floor. He then looks around at all of you, and he curses, quietly, under his breath, as he realizes that he’s going to have to drag you all up out of the basement. And as he’s grabbing Jak’s arms, to take care of him, first, we fade to black.

 **Tony:** It’s not a movie!

 **Peter:** It’s whatever I want it to be! [Pause] Anyway, we fade up, and the scene is of the Legionnaires’ camp in the woods outside of Quora. Uh, the camera sort of pans across the space, before it settles on one of the larger tents. Inside, we see that there are a few cots set up, and four of them are occupied, by the four of you. All of you are still asleep.

But off to the side, near the entrance of the tent, we see Annis standing with Arlo, and the two of the them are speaking quietly. Violet hurries into the tent past them, and immediately goes over to where her brother is lying. Annis watches her for a moment, and then she glances at the two different mercenaries who are tending to the four of you, before she tilts her head towards the entrance of the tent, and goes outside. Arlo follows her, and so do we.

The two of them walk around to the rear of the tent, so that they are out of eyesight and earshot of the rest of the camp, and Annis says,

> **Annis:** Crit’s dead, then?
> 
> **Garrick:** Yes. And the wizard probably stopped him from killing me, first.
> 
> **Annis:** You went in there already injured?
> 
> **Garrick:** I had an altercation with a few goblins in the forest; it wasn’t a big deal.

**Peter:** But we see that Arlo has a pretty bad cut on his side, one that definitely need to get cleaned up, and soon, before it gets infected, and gets worse. Annis notices it, too.

> **Annis:** Perhaps we should talk later. You need to get patched up.
> 
> **Garrick:** No, let them worry about the others for now; I’m fine. Annis, what were you doing with Crit?
> 
> **Annis:** That isn’t any of your concern.
> 
> **Garrick:** If it concerns the Legionnaires, it concerns me.

**Peter:** And Annis sort of shakes her head, looking away from him, but Arlo isn’t done.

> **Garrick:** Annis. Who’s the druid?
> 
> **Annis:** What? What are you even talking about?
> 
> **Garrick:** Crit had a bunch of writings about druids. Obviously, he was studying them for a reason, and I’m going to guess that reason has something to do with you, and the deal you had with him.  

**Peter:** Annis’s jaw clenches, and she glares at him for a moment, before saying,

> **Annis:** I don’t care who you are, Garrick, or who you were, or whatever the fuck. I am the leader of this group, and I’m the one who says who gets to know what and when. And right now, you don’t get to know _anything._  Go get patched up; we’re done talking about this.

**Peter:** And she walks away from him. Arlo sort of stares after her for a moment, before he kicks the ground, and stalks back around to the front of the tent, and ducks inside. Uh, can everybody roll a d20 for me really quick?

[Dice rolling]

 **Ned:** 12.

 **Steve:** I got a 14.

 **Tony:** 8.

 **Bruce:** A 17 for me.

 **Peter:** Okay, uh, when Arlo walks back into the tent, Pentan is already waking up. Your vision is a little blurry, but only for a few seconds. After you blink a couple of times, it clears up, and you see that you are laying on a cot in a tent. Uh, next to you on a separate cot is Stony, and on your other side is Jak. Gray is on the cot on the other side of Jak, and his sister is seated on a box that she’s pulled up next to it, holding his hand. She notices, though, when you start to stir, and she frowns.

> **Violet:** You guys know how to get into trouble, don’t you?
> 
> **Pentan:** That was the worst trouble I’ve ever been in, so I guess you can say I’m starting to learn. How’d we get here?
> 
> **Garrick:** I brought you.

**Peter:** Arlo walks over to your cot, and settles down on the end of it, wincing a little.

> **Garrick:** After I finished off the tiefling. How’s your head?
> 
> **Pentan:** Full of knowledge about useless things.

**Peter:** He sort of smiles in response to that, and one of the mercs that had been tending to a pretty bad cut on Jak’s head walks over to him, ordering him to take off his cuirass so that he can get to the wound.

> **Garrick:** I think you just want to look at my muscles.
> 
> **Mercenary 1:** Good to see you still have a sense of humor, however bad it is. Take it off, or that cut’s going to get infected.

**Peter:** And, Pentan, once Arlo’s undressed his upper half, you can see that the skin around the wound is a blackish-purple, clear signs of poisoning, even to the non-medically trained eye.

> **Pentan:** Doesn’t look good. How’d that happen?
> 
> **Garrick:** Goblins. Nasty things, when they gang up on you. I’ll be all right.

**Peter:** Uh… Gray starts to stir, while the merc starts to patch up Arlo’s side. Violet sighs in relief when she sees his eyes open, and then she glares.

> **Violet:** You’re an idiot.

**Steve:** Uh, I sit up, I guess. I’m not badly injured, right?

 **Peter:** No, you’re all right, just a little dizzy, maybe.

 **Steve:** Yeah, then I sit up, and grin at her.

> **Gray:** At least I’m alive, though, right?
> 
> **Violet:** Barely. Didn’t know you needed a knight in shining armor to save your ass; I thought you could handle yourself.

**Peter:** And she nods towards where Arlo is seated on the end of Pentan’s cot.

> **Gray:** Oh, hey. You pull us out of there?
> 
> **Garrick:** And then some. What were you thinking, going in there?
> 
> **Gray:** We had some business to take care of, but I guess you took care of it for us.
> 
> **Garrick:** Mm, barely. Your wizard made sure that the tiefling didn’t take care of me, first.
> 
> **Pentan:** No big deal. Used up my last spell slot, though.

[Ned laughing]

 **Peter:** [amused] Uh, this… I’m gonna say that was a long rest, so you’re all back to where you should be.

[Mixed noises of relief]

 **Tony:** Being basically dead is not a fun experience.

 **Peter:** After a few more moments, Jak wakes up, too.

 **Ned:** Yeah, uh, my response to waking up in this tent isn’t a peaceful one. I have no idea where I am, and so I react a bit violently.

 **Peter:** Entailing what?

 **Ned:** I dunno; I sit up, and search around for something to throw at the nearest person?

 **Peter:** Uh… all right. So, Jak’s eyes fly open, and he grunts in surprise, sitting up much more quickly than he should. And your body moves a lot faster than your head does, so it spins, and you take a second to gather your bearings.

 **Bruce:** Pentan is very concerned.

> **Pentan:** Chill out, big guy. You’re in a safe space.

**Ned:** I look over at him, and recognizing him, I relax, but just a little.

> **Jak:** What -
> 
> **Pentan:** We’re back in the Legionnaire’s camp. Arlo brought us here, after he saved us from Crit.
> 
> **Jak:** Arlo?

**Peter:** Uh, he waves at you, from where he still is at the end of Pentan’s cot.

> **Garrick:** Hail and well met, Watchman. You feel okay?
> 
> **Jak:** Better, knowing that I can end the hunt for you here and now. You’ll need to come back to Quora with me.
> 
> **Garrick:** [sighing] You’re still on about that, really? Saving your ass isn’t enough to give me a pass?
> 
> **Jak:** I’m lawful good and not at all susceptible to bribes. Sorry.
> 
> **Pentan:** All right, but we can sort of call it even, though, can’t we? I mean, he killed… three people, via his own blades, and by all rights, he saved the four of us. That kinda works out, mathematics-wise, doesn’t it?

**Tony:** Can I wake up, now?

 **Peter:** Yeah, uh, Stony starts the process of coming to consciousness, and he sort of groans, a little, letting you all know that he is awake and in pain. One of the mercs, whom you’ve all sort of guessed is trained in medicine and healing, goes over to him.

> **Mercenary 2:** Here, drink this.

**Peter:** And he tries to pour a red liquid into your mouth.

> **Stony:** Whoa, hold on for a second. I was almost poisoned by a liquid of unknown origins, like, an hour ago. I’m not drinking that.
> 
> **Pentan:** It’ll help take your pain away.
> 
> **Stony:** How the hell do you know?
> 
> **Pentan:** Uh… wizard? Studied arcana at _The Academy?_  I think I’d know.
> 
> **Mercenary 2:** It’s a healing potion. It’s perfectly safe; you’ve already drank one.
> 
> **Stony:** [Pause] All right - I guess.

**Peter:** He hands you to the bottle, so that you can drink it yourself, and - [faint buzzing sound] Uh-oh.

 **Tony:** What’s that?

 **Peter:** Uh… crime.

 **Steve:** Crime?

 **Ned:** Like actual bad guy related crime?

 **Peter:** Yeah, I might’ve patched up my suit with a couple of the precinct radio networks around the city. Uh… oh. This - Mr. Stark?

 **Tony:** What is it, Pete?

 **Peter:** Uh, so, you know that guy that had those crazy energy powers that I took care of maybe four months ago? He escaped from the Raft. And I think I need to go take him down, again.

 **Tony:** In the middle of the D&D session?

 **Peter:** I’m sorry, but I - I gotta do this. Ned?

 **Ned:** Guy in the Chair™!

 **Peter:** I’ll be back in like, two hours, I swear.

 **Tony:** Wait - kid! Kid! Peter? [sighing] He’s gone.

 **Bruce:** What’s a Guy in the Chair? And why is it trademarked?

 **Steve:** Are we not going to help him with this guy? He sounds dangerous.

 **Tony:** Pete took him down on his own four months ago; he’ll be able to do it again. I told him that once he turned 21, I wasn’t - he’s working on his own, now. He’s been doing this crime fighting thing for, like, eight years; he’s got it covered.

~ INTERRUPTION IN TRANSMISSION ~


	13. Chapter 2 - Session 1 - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter's back from his crime-fighting, Tony worries, and It Gets Worse!

~ TRANSMISSION REBOOTING ~

 **Tony:** We all here?

 **Ned:** I think so.

 **Bruce:** Steve and I are.

 **Peter:** And so am I. [Grunting **]** As best as I can be, anyway. Ouch, this hurts.

 **Steve:** Get zapped, kid?

 **Peter:** And then some. Ugh. Uh, anyway, where were we?

 **Tony:** Well, hang on. You took care of the guy?

 **Peter:** Yes. He’s back on the Raft, in a more secure holding cell. That Fisk guy released him, somehow; I really want to take him down.

 **Tony:** Maybe someday. Today, we’re finishing our dang D&D session. And, Pete?

 **Peter:** Yeah?

 **Tony:** Don’t just run off like that again, okay? When I agreed to stop monitoring you through Karen, I didn’t know that meant you’d be disappearing to fight crime for upwards of four hours. Let me know next time, all right? Keep me updated.

 **Peter:** [sighing] I’m an adult, Mr. Stark.

 **Tony:** I know, but… We’re not going to talk about this right now. Let’s keep going.

 **Peter:** Okay, thank you. Uh, so -

 **Bruce:** We were all in some sort of medical tent, Stony was drinking a healing potion…

 **Peter:** Oh, right. Thanks, Doc. So, yeah, Stony finishes off his healing potion, and the merc that was tending to Arlo’s side finishes his job, and walks away from him, towards the other side of the tent. Meaning that you four are semi-alone with Violet and Arlo.

 **Ned:** I would like to continue our discussion about whether or not Arlo is getting arrested.

 **Steve:** Mm, right. I’m gonna say no.

 **Bruce:** Yeah, I’m with Cap on this one.

 **Tony:** Hate to say it, but so am I.

 **Ned:** [groaning] C’mon, you guys.

 **Tony:** You come on. He saved our lives!

 **Ned:** Because that was what fucking Peter wanted!

 **Peter:** [quietly] It’s true.

 **Steve:** Let’s do this in character.

 **Ned:** Fine.

> **Jak:** I’m taking you in, Garrick, whether everyone agrees or not.
> 
> **Gray:** I’m not going to let you do that.
> 
> **Pentan:** Me, either. I’m sorry, Treetop, but… I honestly feel like he’s redeemed himself. He killed some not so great guys, and made sure we didn’t die, while killing another not so great guy. He’s not - I don’t think he deserves to get his head cut off, or even to get thrown in a jail cell.
> 
> **Stony:** And what about your friend?
> 
> **Jak:** Who?
> 
> **Stony:** I don’t remember; your Watch buddy, the one who’s in love with him.
> 
> **Garrick:** Wait, what?
> 
> [Pause]
> 
> **Stony:** Uh…
> 
> **Garrick:** Jerry told you he’s in love with me, eh?
> 
> **Jak:** He said he thought he was falling in love with you, yes. Not that I understand it.
> 
> **Pentan:** What do you _mean?_  Are you even looking at the same guy? What a dreamboat.
> 
> **Garrick:** [amused] Thanks, Robes.
> 
> **Pentan:** You’re welcome. And hey, if it doesn’t work out with Jerry, I’m free.
> 
> **Stony:** Okay! Uh, stop that. Back to the prison talk, please. Watchman, you’re not taking him. That’s final.
> 
> **Garrick:** Listen, I appreciate all three of you, trying to stand up for me, but I’m willing to try and work out a deal with the Captain of the Watch, if our intermediary here is willing to try that.
> 
> **Jak:** What kind of deal?
> 
> **Garrick:** I don’t know. We can figure it out with the captain. I just - I really don’t want to die today, and I’ve been to prison. It isn’t my favorite place. I’ll take any other punishment that he think fits, however.

**Ned:** [sighing] I’m going to be shunned forever if I don’t agree to this, huh?

[Noises of agreement; Tony muttering ‘Stupid lawful good alignment’]

 **Ned:** All right, all right. Uh, Jak kind of huffs, a little, and he says,

> **Jak:** Fine.
> 
> **Pentan:** Wonderful. And I will go with you, to attest as a witness that he did save all of our lives.
> 
> **Jak:** Wait, what?
> 
> **Gray:** Oh, is that something we can do? If it is, I’d also like to be part of that.
> 
> **Jak:** Okay, hang on a second -
> 
> **Stony:** Yeah, I’ll come, too. Although, to be fair, it was probably Robes that actually saved us.
> 
> **Garrick:** True enough; he did make sure Crit didn’t finish me off, first.
> 
> **Pentan:** Everyone’s making me blush; stop it.

**Peter:** Uh, so, the plan’s to head to Quora to talk to the captain about making some sort of deal.

 **Tony:** Yes. Do you need a nap or something? Because that super did not need clarifying.

 **Peter:** I might need to take a nap, yeah. But I’m good for now.

 **Steve:** Are you positive? Because we can take a break.

 **Peter:** No, we - we haven’t done a session in like a month, and I already made us stop earlier. I can - I’m good. Promise. Besides, most of the rest of this session is just gonna be roleplaying, anyway, and that’s easy to do.

 **Bruce:** Okay… but if you need to stop -

 **Peter:** I’ll let everybody know, yeah. All right, anyway, Annis comes back into the tent, and, seeing you all are awake, sort of sighs.

> **Annis:** I told you all it was dangerous to go up against him.
> 
> **Stony:** I think it’s pretty clear by this point that we don’t listen.

**Peter:** She smiles, and leans against one of the poles in the center of the tent that is holding it up, and looks at all of you for a moment. Then she turns to Jak, and says,

> **Annis:** You going to take Arlo in, still?
> 
> **Jak:** Not in the way I’d originally planned. Everyone here wants to come and attest that he saved our lives, and he deserves an easier punishment because of that.
> 
> **Pentan:** He killed four, he saved four. It tracks.
> 
> **Garrick:** I know that I should take some sort of punishment, though, so I’m not going to fight this.
> 
> **Gray:** [mumbled] Even though you could.

**Peter:** Uh, and Annis kind of sighs to herself, and looks at Arlo.

> **Annis:** Are you sure this is a good idea?
> 
> **Garrick:** Of course not. It’s an awful idea, but y’know.
> 
> **Jak:** I don’t know. With three different witnesses, you might get off pretty easy. The captain is a bit of a softie.
> 
> **Annis:** It’s still Fontayne, isn’t it?
> 
> **Jak:** [surprised] Yes.
> 
> **Annis:** Mm, he’s a good man. You’ll be fine.

**Peter:** This last part is directed towards Arlo, and he nods, a little, before glancing at the bandaged wound on his side. And Annis turns back to the rest of you, and she says,

> **Annis:** Well, you did what I asked you to do, but you’ve already found Arlo on your own, it seems.
> 
> **Pentan:** True, but if I remember correctly, you have a big artillery tent that we were going to be granted access too…

**Peter:** [amused] Annis chuckles, and nods.

> **Annis:** You’re right. I almost forgot. I’ll let the boys out front know that you’ve all been granted access to it. Uh, I should let you know, though, that… the artillery in that tent is special. It won’t work for just anyone.
> 
> **Stony:** Sounds like some kind of vague, cryptic, story-telling bullshit to me. I wouldn’t worry about this too much, boys.

[Laughter]

 **Peter:** Annis shrugs.

> **Annis:** Just thought I’d tell you. Get some more rest, though; your Watch duties can wait, Bennet.

**Peter:** And then she walks out of the tent.

 **Ned:** Yeah, uh, I’m not laying down any longer than I need to, so… am I allowed to get up?

 **Peter:** Go ahead. What do you plan on actually doing, though?

 **Ned:** I dunno; I just want to get out of the medical tent.

 **Peter:** Okay? Uh, as soon as you stand up, and move away from the cot you’d been occupying, uh, Arlo moves to it instead, and collapses on it with a groan. And one of the mercs hurries over to him, to check on him.

> **Mercenary 1:** Luk, he’s got a fever.

**Peter:** And the other mercenary, the one that had banadaged Arlo’s wound, kind of grunts in response, not looking up from the potion that he’s mixing.

> **Luk:** Of course he does; he was poisoned.
> 
> **Stony:** Can you do anything to bring it down?
> 
> **Luk:** Just give him some herbs; if it doesn’t break, that means the poison’s spread to his immune system, and he’s done for.
> 
> **Pentan:** You’re kidding.
> 
> **Jak:** Please tell me you’re kidding. After all that, he could just die?
> 
> **Garrick:** [grumbling] I’m not going to die; I just need to sleep it off.
> 
> **Stony:** Death is part of the natural process we call life, folks. If he dies, then he dies.
> 
> **Garrick:** I’m not going to die!
> 
> **Stony:** Most songs and poems are fashioned about death; why do you think that is? Because it happens to everybody.
> 
> **Gray:** He’s going to be fine.
> 
> **Stony:** I’m just saying that if he isn’t, it’s not a big deal.

**Peter:** [amused] Uhm… yeah. So, you’re all being advised to stay in bed for a bit, so if you want to take this opportunity to talk about what happened in Crit’s… _house_ … that would probably be good.

 **Tony:** Maybe we don’t want to talk about what happened in Crit’s house.

 **Peter:** Well, duh, I’m not saying that you have to, obviously. It’s just a suggestion, before we continue on with this session, head to the weapons tent and all that fun stuff.

 **Bruce:** Yes, I’d like to tell them that Crit was investigating druids, for some reason. Ahem.

> **Pentan:** Crit was investigating druids, for some reason.

[Laughter]

> **Jak:** Where did you see that?
> 
> **Pentan:** In the room we all died in, on that table. He had a lot of written text on them.
> 
> **Gray:** That’s a little strange. He was an illusionist, and a tiefling. Why would he be investigating druids?
> 
> **Stony:** Well, probably because he wanted to learn about them.
> 
> **Jak:** Sure, but _why?_
> 
> **Garrick:** I think I might know, but I don’t want to say I know for sure, in case I’m wrong.
> 
> **Gray:** You should be sleeping.
> 
> **Garrick:** I know, but this druid stuff is more important.
> 
> **Jak:** Well, tell us what you know, then.
> 
> **Garrick:** … I think Annis might have asked him to look into them, and that’s part of the reason she took the job from him.
> 
> [Pause]
> 
> **Stony:** Okay. Well, if that’s true, then we’re going to need to talk to her.
> 
> **Garrick:** Good luck. She refused to tell me anything.
> 
> **Gray:** I could give it a shot.
> 
> **Garrick:** Yeah, that might be smart. You can talk to her without getting angry like I do. She’s so stubborn, especially for a halfling.
> 
> **Gray:** Butting heads with you probably doesn’t help.

**Peter:** Arlo snorts, quietly, and rolls away from you, the effects of the herbs he was given starting to kick in.

 **Bruce:** What about the rest of you? Do you want to talk about what went down when we were all separated?

 **Tony:** Nope.

 **Steve:** I mean, nothing that exciting happened.

 **Ned:** Yeah, I - it was all illusions, really. The thing that confuses me is how Crit was able to pick out something that sort of resonated with me, and easily separated me from Doc.

 **Steve:** That is a little weird.

> **Gray:** For the rest of you… did - was the illusion you were faced with kind of… poignant?
> 
> **Jak:** Meaning it struck a chord?
> 
> **Gray:** Yeah.
> 
> **Jak:** I’d say so. I thought I was seeing Garrick; I chased after him without even thinking about it first.
> 
> **Gray:** How did he know that you wanted to arrest Arlo?
> 
> **Jak:** … that’s a good question. What about you, Bard?
> 
> **Stony:** What about me?
> 
> **Jak:** What did you see?
> 
> **Stony:** What does it matter? We saw visions, and that’s all they were. Who cares _what_ they were?
> 
> **Gray:** Okay, but did you see something that meant a lot to you, that Crit really shouldn’t have known about?
> 
> **Stony:** … like I said before, it doesn’t matter. The illusionist is dead.

**Tony:** I leave the tent.

 **Peter:** Mm, great. What about the rest of you?

 **Bruce:** I want to go after him.

 **Peter:** That’s what I was hoping for. Pentan, you climb out of bed, and exit out into the open space of the camp. And you catch sight of Stony sort of stalking away, towards the woods. You follow him, and catch up with him a little ways into the trees. And, Stony, you realize that he is there.

> **Stony:** Go away, Robes.
> 
> **Pentan:** No thank you. I think fresh air will be good for me, help clear my head a little.

**Bruce:** And I sit down on a rock.

 **Peter:** Okay. Mr. Stark, what do you do?

 **Tony:** [pause] I start to walk away from him, seeing that he’s sort of made himself comfortable.

> **Pentan:** Y’know, I won’t judge.

**Tony:** I stop walking.

> **Pentan:** Not that I’m saying you have to tell me, obvi. It’s just an offer; you might feel better, if you do choose to talk about it.

**Tony:** I sort of sigh, and shake my head.

> **Pentan:** All right. You know yourself better than anyone else, and especially better than me, probably, but… the offer stands.

[Pause]

 **Peter:** Mr. Stark?

 **Tony:** Yeah, I - I want to tell him, kind of, but also, Stony’s not an open guy, y’know? And he’s known Pentan for, what, a day?

 **Peter:** About that.

 **Tony:** Right. So I don’t - I don’t know if I want to develop my character, or kind of make a decision, like, “No, Stony would not do this.” Y’know?

 **Peter:** Yeah.

[Pause]

 **Tony:** Did you mute everybody else?

 **Peter:** Mhm. I thought you’d think better this way.

 **Tony:** Thanks, Pete. [sighing] All right, I’ve - I’m going to tell him.

 **Peter:** Okay.

[Pause]

 **Peter:** Sorry, just needed a second.

 **Tony:** Uh, I’m gonna turn around, sort of, and say,

> **Stony:** He showed me my mother.
> 
> [Pause]
> 
> **Stony:** She was playing a lute, a song that she used to use as a lullaby. It - I haven’t seen her in years, and that fucking illusionist was able to make me forget that, that she was _dead._ And then when I realized that she was just a fucking _picture,_ it was like realizing she was dead… all over again. I don’t know if - you   
>  probably don’t get it, but… it was awful.
> 
> **Pentan:** You’re right, I don’t get it. I - the only person I’ve lost was _my_ mother, but… I never knew her, so I don’t even know if I could call it losing her. So I can’t imagine what that was like for you. But I’m glad you told me.
> 
> **Stony:** [snorting] Not sure why I did.
> 
> **Pentan:** I’ve been told I’m a good listener.

**Peter:** [gleefully] You guys!

 **Tony:** Yikes, _what?_

 **Peter:** Nothing, nothing. I’m just - I’m glad I’m here playing D&D with you, that’s all. Uh -

 **Ned:** [mumbled] Too many painkillers.

 **Bruce:** More likely not _enough_ pain killers. You need rest, Peter.

 **Peter:** Nah, I’m good. Seriously.

 **Steve:** I don’t think you are.

 **Peter:** You guys, I’m _fine._ You’d know if I wasn’t, believe me.

 **Ned:** He has a point there, I think.

 **Peter:** Anyway.

 **Bruce:** Yeah, I’m gonna get up from the rock, and say,

> **Pentan:** I’m gonna head back; you should come, too. We’re probably gonna be going into the artillery tent Soon.
> 
> **Stony:** There isn’t going to be anything for you and me in there.
> 
> **Pentan:** I like to be optimistic.
> 
> **Stony:** Something else we don’t agree on. If you’re a pessimist, the let down is a lot easier, and when something good happens, it’s a lot more exciting.

**Tony:** But, uh, I head back in the direction of the camp, too.

 **Peter:** Cool. Uh, Gray and Jak, what did you guys do while this heartfelt conversation was happening in the woods?

 **Steve:** I probably just talked with Violet. I don’t think I told her about my vision being our parents, though. That might have upset her.

 **Peter:** ‘kay.

 **Ned:** And I think I exited the tent, and probably tried to find Annis, to see where we’re supposed to go when it comes to the orcs, now.

 **Peter:** All right. Let’s do that, then. Annis didn’t go very far; you find her standing outside her tent with Ben. As you approach, it sounds like they might be talking about packing up and moving out.

 **Ned:** Oh, good.

> **Jak:** Heading out already?
> 
> **Annis:** It’s what you wanted, isn’t it? As soon as you get things squared away with the Watch captain about Arlo, we’re going to leave.
> 
> **Jak:** Well, good, then. Uh, I did want to ask, though…
> 
> **Annis:** What?
> 
> **Jak:** About the orc tribes.
> 
> **Annis:** Oh.

**Peter:** She sort of shrugs.

> **Annis:** The person who hired us to do the job is dead, now, which means we have no reason to interfere on that front any longer. I guess they’re good to stay for now, until someone else comes along and tries to get them to leave.
> 
> **Jak:** But you’re going to leave them alone.
> 
> **Annis:** That’s the plan.
> 
> **Jak:** All right.

**Peter:** Uh, she looks you up and down for a second, like she’s sizing you up, and then she says,

> **Annis:** You seem to care for the orcs more than I would have thought, considering you were raised separately from them.
> 
> **Jak:** That doesn’t change the fact that I _am_ an orc; there’s a kinship there, although it might not be felt by them.
> 
> **Annis:** Who knows? Maybe your efforts today will have changed their minds.

**Peter:** And then she turns back to Ben, kinda ending the conversation.

 **Ned:** Great.

 **Peter:** And by this point, I think, Stony and Pentan return to camp.

 **Steve:** And I’m coming out of the medical tent.

 **Peter:** Okay. Violet’s with you, and she looks around the camp for a second before turning to you again.

> **Violet:** I’m gonna head into the woods for a bit.
> 
> **Gray:** Fine. Don’t be gone long, though; it’s going to get dark soon.

**Peter:** She rolls her eyes, and walks off.

 **Steve:** Sisters.

 **Bruce:** None of us would know. You don’t know, either!

 **Steve:** Peter is making it very easy to know.

 **Peter:** Thanks, Cap. Uh, okay, so, we’ll say that you all sort of converge outside of the artillery tent. The mercs that are standing guard outside exchange a look, but they don’t seem antagonistic, which means Annis was true to her word, and told them that you guys have access. Do you want to head in there?

 **Ned:** Hell yeah we do.

 **Peter:** [amused] Okay. Uh, so you walk into this tent past the mercs, and uh… what you find inside is kind of… a let down?

 **Tony:** [wary] What do you mean?

 **Peter:** I mean that there’s nothing inside this tent except for a single chest, in the middle of it.

[Mixed sounds of disappointment]

 **Tony:** You’re kidding.

 **Peter:** I am not.

 **Bruce:** Okay, well, let’s think about this for a second. There’s obviously a reason that they have two mercs standing guard outside a tent with a single chest inside of it. There’s - the chest is probably magical, or something.

 **Peter:** Why don’t… you… touch it? And see what happens?

 **Tony:** This is going to be like that staircase at The Library, where us non-magicals aren’t going to be able to touch it, isn’t it?

 **Peter:** No.

 **Ned:** Whatever, I’m brave. Lemme at that chest, DM.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh, so, Jak steps towards where the chest is in the middle of the empty space, and he crouches down next to it. Could you roll an investigation check for me?

 **Ned:** [sighing] I guess so. [dice roll] Uh oh.

 **Peter:** Uh oh what?

 **Ned:** Uh oh, I got a 1.

[Laughter]

 **Tony:** If Ned doesn’t lose whatever hair an orc has, I’m going to be very disappointed.

 **Peter:** He doesn’t lose all his hair.

[Tony sighing in disappointment]

 **Peter:** But he isn’t able to figure out how to get the chest open.

 **Bruce:** All right, let _me_ at the obviously magic chest.

 **Peter:** Yeah, this is better.

 **Bruce:** I would like to roll an _arcana_ check on the chest.

 **Peter:** Go for it.

 **Bruce:** [dice roll] Uh, mm, not so good, either. 12.

 **Peter:** Well, that’s enough, I think, to realize that this is definitely what the magicals call an Infinity Chest.

 **Ned:** That is some [ Minecraft](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minecraft) shit, Peter!

 **Peter:** Is it? I haven’t played Minecraft since I was, like, thirteen, so I wouldn’t know.

 **Ned:** That wasn’t shade for me still playing Minecraft as a sophomore in college, I hope, Mr. Clue-Is- _My_ -Favorite-Game.

 **Peter:** [ Clue](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cluedo) is a national treasure, you pedestrian.

 **Tony:** Children, please.

 **Bruce:** Can we play Clue later? I haven’t played it in years.

 **Steve:** I don’t think I’ve ever played it. What’s the objective?

 **Peter:** Basically, a dude gets killed pregame, and you have to use clues from other players in order to figure out who killed him, with what weapon, and in what room of the house. It’s - well, I could wax poetic about how great Clue is for hours, but I’m not going to, because we’re playing D&D right now. Maybe later, though.

 **Bruce:** Anyway. What’s an Infinity Chest?

 **Peter:** Right, plot. Uh, an Infinity Chest is basically a chest without a bottom. Like, anything can be stored in there, within reason, and it never gets full. It’s an endless storage space.

 **Bruce:** Oh, that’s kinda neat!

 **Peter:** [shrilly] Yeah!

 **Tony:** Kid -

 **Peter:** I’m fine. I’m just getting a little sleepy. But I want to get through this really quick before I pass out, so, let’s uh… Doc, do you want to roll an investigation check, too?

 **Bruce:** I didn’t get how to open it from my arcana check?

 **Peter:** No, since arcana checks are for, like, understanding magical objects and their properties, y’know? And it was kind of a low roll, too, so…

 **Bruce:** Okay. Then I’ll roll investigation, too, sure. [dice roll] 14. Dang it.

 **Peter:** It’s better, though. Yeah, from the investigation check, you can see that there’s, like, a plate on the top of the chest, that sort of looks important to getting it open.

 **Bruce:** Great. I’ll put my hand on it.

 **Peter:** The chest vibrates, and then the lid opens, slowly. Uh… could you roll a d20 for me?

 **Bruce:** [dice roll] 18.

 **Peter:** Oh, good. You beat it.

 **Bruce:** I beat it! [pause] Beat what?

 **Peter:** The roll that makes sure you get a weapon or artifact that makes sense for your character.

 **Bruce:** Oh, good.

 **Peter:** So, yeah, the chest open, and inside it is just, like, velvet black, except for a single object that is sort of floating in the center of the chest. And that object is… a wand.

 **Bruce:** Ooh!

 **Peter:** And this wand is… it’s actually pretty simple; it’s a dark chestnut wood, about… I dunno, six inches long. And when you reach into the chest and grab the wand, it’s almost as though the wand was crafted to fit into your hand. It is… kind of incredible.

So, here you go, this is your plus 1 to spellcasting DC that you wanted.

 **Bruce:** That’s all it does?

 **Peter:** You don’t know. Guess you’ll find out, huh? At a later date. Anyway, as soon as you take the wand from the chest, it falls shut again. Who’s next?

 **Tony:** Me, please.

 **Peter:** Cool. So, Pentan backs away from the chest, kind of examining his new wand, and Stony steps up to it.

> **Pentan:** Touch the plate thing on the top to open her.
> 
> **Stony:** Thanks, Robes.

**Tony:** I touch the plate thing on top to open her. [dice roll] Uh, 15.

 **Peter:** Cool, cool. Uh… [clicks tongue] Oh, this is a fun one. The chest opens again, and this time, floating in the center, is a rapier.

 **Tony:** Yes. I take it.

 **Peter:** Cool. And uh, as far as you can tell, this rapier is just… a rapier. There isn’t anything special about it, at least visibly.

 **Tony:** Did I miss the roll?

 **Peter:** No.

 **Tony:** Do I get a plus one modifier to anything?

 **Peter:** Not that you know of.

 **Tony:** [sighing] Bullshit.

 **Peter:** Well, something kind of fun happens. Uh, when you go to grab it from the chest, as your hand makes contact with the handle, uh, the entire rapier seems to… like, vibrate. And it’s a - it’s not an intense vibration, but it’s a… it’s a comforting vibration. Like, when you’re in one of those chairs at the nail salon and you can set it to vibrate? It’s like that.

 **Tony:** I’ve never experienced such a thing.

 **Peter:** That’s a lie and you know it.

 **Tony:** Yeah, it’s a bit of a lie.

 **Steve:** I’d like to go next.

 **Peter:** ‘kay.

 **Steve:** [dice roll] 7.

[Peter inhaling sharply]

 **Steve:** What?

 **Peter:** [quietly] This is exactly what I wanted to happen.

 **Steve:** _What?_

 **Peter:** The chest opens for you, Gray, and floating in the center of it is... a boomerang.

[Pause]

[Raucous laughter]

 **Steve:** Sorry, did you say a _boomerang?_

 **Peter:** I did in fact say a boomerang. It’s a finely crafted boomerang; oddly enough, it’s made of steel.

[Tony laughing even harder; Bruce crying from laughter]

 **Ned:** [crying] Did you just give Captain America his fucking shield in _boomerang form_ in the D&D game?

 **Peter:** He rolled a number lower than ten, which means he gets a weapon that has nothing to do with his character, and I decided that that weapon is going to be a boomerang.

 **Ned:** You’re the worst.

 **Peter:** Yes, I know. Uh, you’re up next, Jak, if you dare.

 **Ned:** Oh, I dare. [dice roll] 16. Bite me, you terror.

 **Peter:** Okay. Gray walks away from the chest, holding this boomerang. Stony and Pentan are laughing at him.

[Bruce _still_ laughing]

 **Tony:** [amused] Stony is laughing very hard at him.

 **Peter:** Right. And Jak approaches the chest, touches the plate on the top, and it opens for him. Floating in the center this time is an axe. And it is a very nice axe.

 **Ned:** Does it give me a plus anything?

 **Peter:** Not that you know of. People, please. You’ll figure it out the next time you fight somebody.

 **Steve:** [mumbled] I’m never going to use this stupid boomerang.

 **Bruce:** But it _chose_ you.

 **Steve:** Peter chose it for me.

 **Tony:** Shoulda rolled a higher number, ding dong.

 **Steve:** You’re exactly right, Stark. My low number was entirely my fault. My dice are faulty. I didn’t throw a _random_ number good enough.

 **Ned:** Antagonism! Peter, make them stop.

[Pause]

 **Ned:** Peter?

 **Bruce:** Mm, something tells me he succumbed to his need to rest.

 **Tony:** Yeah, probably. Who’s closest to his room?

 **Bruce:** Why do you even bother asking? You know it’s you.

 **Tony:** [sighing] Yeah, okay. Lemme check on him really quick.

 **Ned:** Actually, I’m probably the closest one to his room, but I didn’t want to get up.

 **Steve:** That’s fair. Tony would’ve gone to check on him, anyway.

 **Bruce:** He’s very attached to the child.

 **Ned:** I think Peter’s the furthest thing from a child, Doc. He had to grow up faster than anybody else I know who went to school with us. And Mr. Stark kind of helped him do that, I think.

[Pause]

 **Steve:** I never thought about it like that. I just - well, I didn’t even really meet Peter during… _that_ period, and so I didn’t ever really learn where he came from, or why he was even present, but… I guess it was a case of Tony finding someone who, he thought, needed some help, and I think the help he’s given Peter has really… it’s guaranteed the safety of New York for a long time; he helped Peter figure out what kind of hero he wanted to be.

 **Tony:** That might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said about me, and ever will say about me.

 **Bruce:** Oh, hey, you made it to Peter’s room. Is he all right?

 **Tony:** Yeah, he’s breathing, but he - [sighing] He shouldn’t have insisted on continuing the session, because he’s hurt pretty bad.

 **Ned:** But he’ll be okay?

 **Tony:** Oh, yeah. Kid’s stupid, but he’s tough, too. He’ll be fine; he just needs sleep.

 **Bruce:** Okay, then I guess we’re done, yeah?

 **Ned:** Yep. I’m very hungry, which means I’m going to raid one of the kitchen fridges.

 **Bruce:** Not the one on the third floor. Dear God, please don’t open that fridge.

 **Tony:** What’s wrong with the fridge on the third floor?

 **Steve:** Oh… right.

 **Tony:** What is it?

 **Steve:** Remember two weeks ago, when Bucky decided he wanted to try and make deviled eggs?

[Ned gagging]

 **Bruce:** Ugh, I can still smell it.

 **Tony:** I told you people not to store things in the fridges if you don’t plan on eating them later!

[Indiscernible murmuring]

 **Tony:** No, kid, go back to sleep. We’re done D&D-ing for today. Rogers, you’re disinfecting the third floor kitchen fridge.

 **Steve:** What? Why?

 **Tony:** Because I said so, and because your best friend was the one to make it smell in the first place. Deal with it.

 **Bruce:** I’m excited to learn what my wand can do.

 **Ned:** Yeah, that’s going to be fun. Let’s not take a month to play again.

 **Tony:** That’s completely on you college students.

 **Ned:** Thanksgiving. It’ll happen Thanksgiving Break.

 **Bruce:** Turkey, pumpkin pie, and Dungeons and Dragons. The best sort of holiday.

~ END OF TRANSMISSION - LOGGED NOVEMBER 4th ~


	14. Chapter 2 - Session 2 - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The squad heads to Quora to deal with the Arlo Garrick problem, and It Gets Worse!

~ START OF TRANSMISSION - AVENGERS COMPOUND - NOVEMBER 23rd ~

 **Steve:** How do you feel, Peter? I forgot to ask, earlier.

 **Peter:** Better! A lot better, thanks, Cap. It helps that I sort of have a thing where my body heals itself super quickly.

 **Tony:** You _sort of_ have a thing?

 **Peter:** I definitely have a thing, whatever.

 **Bruce:** Was your wrist broken, like Tony thought it was?

 **Peter:** … maybe.

 **Ned:** He made me take notes for him in our English class, even though by that point he was able to use it again.

 **Peter:** Why you gotta [ blow up my spot ](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=blowin%20up%20my%20spot) like that?

 **Tony:** Mr. Parker?

 **Peter:** Mm?

 **Tony:** Are you taking advantage of your friends?

 **Peter:** I mean, English is the only class Ned and I have together, which is weird, but -

 **Ned:** No, not weird. Same degree, different tracks.

 **Peter:** We are not getting the same degree.

 **Ned:** It’s basically the same degree.

 **Bruce:** We can debate about it later. I want to play Dungeons and Dragons and think about how much food I’m going to eat tomorrow.

 **Ned:** Who’s cooking?

 **Steve:** [sighing] Everybody.

 **Ned:** Sorry, what?

 **Tony:** Yeah, nobody could agree on who would make the best stuff, and so everybody’s going to pile into the kitchens and cook whatever they want to. It’ll be like a Thanksgiving potluck.

 **Peter:** S’what happens when, like, fifteen people with big egos live in the same place.

 **Bruce:** The only rule that was put into place is that Vision isn’t allowed to cook anything, and neither am I.

 **Tony:** Because if you tried to cook us something, you’d burn the compound to the ground, and if Vis tried to cook, the food would be the most bland thing to ever enter any of our mouths. Wanda attested to that.

 **Steve:** At least he knows how to follow a recipe.

 **Bruce:** I don’t appreciate the call out, Steve.

 **Ned:** So, what, there’s going to be three turkeys, four different types of mashed potatoes, etcetera?

 **Tony:** Yep. We also told everybody that no one is allowed to cook that God awful green bean casserole somebody attempted last year. Everyone who ate it got super sick.

 **Bruce:** We still haven’t figured out who that was, although my money is on Bucky.

 **Steve:** He doesn’t know how to cook. It’s something he’s slowly coming to terms with. I told him he wasn’t allowed to make anything this year.

 **Tony:** He’s still being punished for the spoiled egg business.

 **Peter:** I’m making pie.

 **Tony:** No you’re not.

 **Peter:** Sure I am. May’s helping me; I’m gonna go home tonight and make it with her, and we’re bringing it tomorrow.

 **Ned:** I wish I could come, but my mom’s insisting I spend Thanksgiving at home, since I’ve spent most of my time here at the compound whenever I have time off from school.

 **Bruce:** You should spend more time with your family.

 **Ned:** I know. I like you guys, though. I like it at the compound.

 **Tony:** Well, shit, bring your family tomorrow, then.

 **Ned:** Wait, _really?_

 **Tony:** Why not? We’ve already got over twenty people coming; what’s a few more?

 **Peter:** Wait, wait, _over 20?_

 **Steve:** Sure. Clint’s bringing his family, you’re bringing your aunt, Scott’s coming with his daughter and Hope.

 **Bruce:** And Strange is coming.

 **Peter:** [gleefully]  _Dr. Strange is coming?_

 **Tony:** Against everything I stand for, yes.

 **Peter:** Wow, I haven’t seen him since…[pause]Well, y’know.

 **Ned:** I’ll ask my mom, I guess. I don’t know if she’ll agree, but maybe. She doesn’t really like to cook.

 **Tony:** Tell her she definitely won’t have to if she comes here tomorrow.

 **Peter:** Anyway, let’s do the thing we all sat down to do, which is play D&D.

 **Steve:** Yeah.

 **Peter:** So, we ended last time with all of you sort of… earning weapons from the Infinity Chest that was in the Legionnaires’ artillery tent. Uh, and now… well, Jak wanted to head back to Quora, in order to turn Arlo in to the Captain of the Watch, Owen Fontayne, but Arlo kind of got into a bit of a pickle with some goblins, and he received a wound that poisoned him, and so you haven’t been able to take him to Quora because he’s been recovering from that.

Which means you’ve all been staying with the Legionnaires for about three days, now, just waiting. And what you’ve done in that time is completely up to all of you. If you even want to talk about that. If not, we can just time travel and start with what I have planned out.

But _before_ we do that! Let’s level up. Twice.

 **Tony:** _Twice?_  We’re being _spoiled!_

 **Peter:** I helped Doc figure out his stuff, but the rest of you said that you’d be able to do it on your own, so I’m assuming that you’ve got it?

 **Ned:** I got it all down, but I wanted to point out to everybody that I had to choose a paladin archetype, and I chose Devotion, which doesn’t - I’m not entirely sure what that means? I’ll find out, at some point? Probably? I dunno. I should really get a copy of the 5e handbook…

 **Peter:** Mm, that’s interesting. I’ll have to remember that, as we continue the campaign. Uh, Mr. Stark? Cap? Did you have any questions about your leveling up?

 **Steve:** We should be at level 4. Right?

 **Tony:** That’s what adding two levels to level 2 means.

 **Steve:** Shut up.

 **Peter:** Children, please.

 **Tony:** I also had to choose an archetype, and I chose the College of Lore, which… I dunno. It says that I know something about everything, which sounds pretty good, but I don’t really know what it _means,_  in context of the rest of the game. But… I’ll find out?  

 **Peter:** [amused] Yes, you will, just like Ned.

 **Tony:** All right. From that, uh, I also gained three proficiencies in skills of my choice, which I picked… sleight of hand, insight, and… another one. I forget which.

 **Peter:** Good _God,_  everyone just got a _lot_ at level 3, huh?

 **Bruce:** [quietly] Except for me.

 **Steve:** I picked an archetype, too.

 **Peter:** Which was?

 **Steve:** Battle Master. Which means… what?

 **Peter:** Oh, superiority die! Ned!

 **Steve:** Superiority die?

 **Ned:** Oh, we’ll need to - did you pick your maneuvers and stuff, already?

 **Steve:** If I had, would I be asking what Battle Master even means?

 **Ned:** Mm, no. I guess not. Peter?

 **Peter:** Yeah, uh, so, fighters are allowed to choose from three archetypes, when they reach level 3. One lets them, like, get added bonuses to their rolls, another lets them learn magic, and the one that you chose, Cap, is like… it gives you special rolls that you can use during combat. And you get to pick three of them.

And in order to do these things, you roll superiority die, and depending on the maneuver, you get to do a specific thing based on the action. That’s basically it, right?

 **Ned:** Yeah.

 **Bruce:** How do you know so much?

 **Ned:** I played a fighter in a different campaign Peter and I played with some kids back in high school. It’s been a while, but I can remember most of it. I’ll dig out my list of maneuvers, Cap, and I’ll give them to you, so you can pick them.

 **Steve:** All right.

 **Peter:** Yeah, you won’t need them for this particular session, so we’re good for now. Just, figure it out before the next time we play.

 **Steve:** Sounds good.

 **Peter:** All right, uh… so… is that it? For everybody?

 **Ned:** I think so, yeah.

 **Peter:** All right, so, what have you all been up to, then, since you woke up in the camp after the fight with Crit?

 **Bruce:** I think Pentan’s been cooking up a storm with Varo and Omar.

 **Peter:** Oh, that’s kind of fun.

 **Bruce:** Yes. They’ve been showing him different elven recipes that he’s never been able to try because he was raised by his human father. Does that work?

 **Peter:** That’s perfect, Doc. Very nice. So, yeah, Pentan approached Varo and Omar, the two chef boys of the Legionnaires, when he realized that he’d need a way to pass some time, and they were very happy to introduce him to some recipes that he’s never tried. All of them were delicious, obviously.

 **Bruce:** It’s the only choice.

 **Peter:** What about the rest of you?

 **Tony:** Stony’s been spending his time cheating mercs out of their gold and avoiding Pentan, because he’s super uncomfortable with how open he was with him about seeing his mother.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh, a few of the mercs are kind of catching on to the games you’ve been playing with them, and word is spreading that you’re really good at winning, and so everybody should stay away from you, because you’re a little iffy. And, uh, Pentan, do you notice that Stony’s avoiding you?

 **Bruce:** I think so.

 **Peter:** Fair enough. We can resolve that a little later. Uh, Jak? Gray? Anything special you’ve been getting up to?

 **Ned:** Pretty sure Jak’s just been moping around the camp, wishing that things would just hurry up so he could get back to Quora.

 **Peter:** He’s homesick.

 **Ned:** That’s a word for it. Impatient, too, probably.

 **Steve:** And Gray’s just been doing what he normally does around camp. Hanging out with Violet, training, stuff like that. _Not_ using his boomerang. I need to have a conversation with Annis about that, I think.

 **Peter:** Mm, that’s a fun idea. Let’s do that. Uh, we’ll say that the same evening you all went into the artillery tent, uh, Gray decides that he’s not happy with the weapon that he received from the Infinity Chest, so he goes to ask Annis what the hell is going on with that.

You find her in her tent, alone, eating dinner by herself, uh - and she glances up at your arrival.

> **Annis:** You should still be resting.
> 
> **Gray:** Yeah, probably. Uh, what’s - the artillery tent.
> 
> **Annis:** Yes, the guards told me you and your friends had gone in there early today. What about it?
> 
> **Gray:** There wasn’t any artillery in there.
> 
> **Annis:** [amused] What do you mean?
> 
> **Gray:** There was a single chest in there, and it gave me a _boomerang._
> 
> **Annis:** [laughing] The Chest of Infinite Weapons offered you a boomerang? That’s wonderful.
> 
> **Gray:** No! I don’t want a boomerang! I was hoping for a sword that’s always on fire, or maybe a sword that electrocutes people when you hit them. Not a _boomerang_.
> 
> **Annis:** Gray, the Chest of Infinite Weapons gifts those who open it with the weapon that it thinks suits them. Obviously, you received a boomerang for a reason.
> 
> **Gray:** Because I rolled a seven!

[Laughter]

 **Peter:** Annis is obviously very amused by all this, and she says,

> **Annis:** What did your companions receive from the Chest?
> 
> **Gray:** Uh, the wizard got a wand, the bard got a rapier, and the Watch member got an _axe_. You’d think the fighter would get something suited to _him_.
> 
> **Annis:** The boomerang is obviously suited to you in some way, or else the Chest wouldn’t have gifted it to you.

**Bruce:** Suited to him in the fact that he’s Captain America.

 **Peter:** Shh! Don’t expose me.

 **Ned:** Obviously you have things needing exposure, since you’ve told two of us not to do that to you already. Also, I want to mention that I’m watching [ a YouTube video ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPmZolscz2M) in which [ Jeffree Star ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeffree_Star) just pulled out probably close to five thousand dollars, and [ Shane Dawson ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shane_Dawson) had no idea what to do with that.

 **Tony:** Why are you watching YouTube while we’re D&D-ing?

 **Ned:** Because _I’m_ not D &D-ing right now. The video’s only twenty minutes long.

 **Peter:** Turn the video off. Why are you just watching that now, anyway? It came out literal years ago.

 **Ned:** I’m _re-watching_ it.

[Multiple “Turn it off!”’s]

 **Ned:** Okay, okay. Jeez. It’s off. I’m just trying to live my life, watch my YouTube videos for the fifth time, whatever.

 **Peter:** We’re D&D-ing!

 **Ned:** I’m not involved.

 **Peter:** _Anyway_ …

> **Pentan:** Pentan needs to go into the woods and pick some fruit.

[Pause]

 **Peter:** [amused] I’m sorry, what?

> **Pentan:** We’re going to make pie. And we need fruit.

**Peter:** What makes you think there are fruit trees in this forest?

 **Bruce:** Because you’re a good DM who lets your players have a good time when they want to, right? I want to make a pie, and I need fruit.

 **Steve:** Give him his fruit, DM.

 **Tony:** Yeah, DM, let the guy have his fruit.

 **Peter:** [sighing] Coercion. Fine, Doc, you can have fruit trees. We’ll stay that apple trees grow in the forest nearby; Violet told you about them, so you know where to go to find them.

> **Pentan:** Fantastic.

[Laughter]

 **Bruce:** I go after those apple trees.

 **Peter:** Yeah, so, Omar asks you to go pick some apples, since they’re giving you free cooking lessons, and so you head into the forest to find the trees that Violet mentioned; they’re pretty close, so you don’t have to walk that far away from camp. And you find the trees pretty easily.

 **Bruce:** Great. Do I have to roll to climb?

 **Peter:** Yes. Athletics.

 **Tony:** Uh, before he does that, because I have a really bad feeling that this is going to go terribly, could I say that Stony went into the woods to get away from camp for a bit, and to maybe practice his instrumenting?

 **Peter:** Yes.

 **Tony:** So, just as Pentan’s about to climb up one of these trees, Stony shows up. And he’s present, but he doesn’t say anything, because he’s not talking to Pentan.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh, Doc? Go ahead and roll.

 **Bruce:** ‘kay. [dice roll] [sharp inhale] Uh-oh.

 **Tony:** [muttered] I knew it.

[Ned laughing]

 **Peter:** What was it?

 **Bruce:** A three.

 **Steve:** Yikes.

 **Peter:** Yeah, so… you start up the tree, and you manage to get up pretty high, almost to the point where you can reach the apples, but as you reach for one of the branches near the top of the tree, uh, it bends, and snaps, and… you’re falling.

 **Tony:** And I’m gonna roll to catch him, because… he’s an idiot, and of course this was going to happen. [dice roll] 17.

 **Peter:** You rolled a strength check?

 **Tony:** Yes. Natural 17.

 **Bruce:** [quietly] Thank you, Tony.

 **Peter:** Yeah, that was a good idea, although, he wouldn’t have died, or anything, but he probably would’ve taken some damage. So, anyway, the branch breaks, and Pentan starts to fall from the tree. Before he can hit the ground, uh, Stony hurries forward, and somehow manages to get himself underneath the falling wizard, and sort of catches him? And it was kind of weird, because it felt like a gust of breeze sort of gave you the push you needed to get where you needed to be in order to catch him, so… that was lucky.

Anyway, you break his fall, if you don’t exactly catch him, like, bridal-style, or whatever.

 **Tony:** Magic wind. Uh, Stony says,

> **Stony:** This is a habit of yours, isn’t it? Falling off of stuff?
> 
> **Pentan:** Yes, it is, but there’s usually someone around to catch me. Privileged lifestyle and all, y’know?

**Tony:** I push him off of me.

 **Peter:** [amused] Okay.

 **Steve:** That was kind of fun.

 **Bruce:** We’re not done.

 **Tony:** Yeah, no.

> **Stony:** What were you even doing up there?
> 
> **Pentan:** Trying to pick some apples. The chefs are going to help me bake a pie.
> 
> **Stony:** Pie baking. You’re kidding.
> 
> **Pentan:** Thank you for catching me.
> 
> **Stony:** Just… don’t make me have to do it again.

**Tony:** And I head back towards camp.

 **Bruce:** Can I still get my apples?

 **Peter:** You can try.

 **Bruce:** Maybe I could find a shorter tree.

 **Peter:** Yeah, we’ll say that’s what happens, and you head back into camp a while later with a crap-ton of apples.

 **Bruce:** And we bake a kick-ass pie, right?

 **Ned:** Doc just said kick-ass.

 **Peter:** I think you’ll have to roll to see how good the pie is.

 **Bruce:** Roll what though?

 **Peter:** A D20.

 **Bruce:** And I add my inspiration point that I got a while ago.

 **Steve:** [amused] Is this pie really that important?

 **Bruce:** It’s the most important thing I’ll do during this entire campaign.

 **Peter:** Roll it.

 **Bruce:** [dice roll] Natural 20! I take back what I said about the inspiration point.

[Laughter]

 **Peter:** [amused] The short of it is that Doc’s apple pie saves lives. It’s a cure all ailments pie. In fact, uh, you take it to Arlo, who’s sort of been getting his bearings, again, over the last day or so, and you feed him a piece, and all of a sudden, he’s completely better. It’s incredible.

 **Ned:** [muttered] Oh thank God. [louder] Can we fucking go see Owen Fontayne now, good _lord_.

 **Tony:** You saying you’re tired of the Legionnaires?

 **Ned:** I’m tired of not resolving the first task we were given in the D&D campaign. Let’s go do it, so we can move on.

 **Peter:** You don’t want to have a cut scene of Jak training with the mercs?

 **Ned:** _No._ I don’t. I want to get Arlo arrested or whatever, and then keep going with whatever’s next.

[Pause]

 **Peter:** [whispering] Ned’s manstrating, you guys. Excuse his attitude.

 **Ned:** I have a _C_ in my stupid French class. I’ve never had a C in _anything_ before in my entire life, and there is no way I’m going to bring it up before the semester ends, so, fuck me, I guess.

 **Tony:** I’m fluent in French; why didn’t you ask me for help?

 **Steve & Bruce: ** You are _not_ fluent in French!

 **Tony:** Hey, hey! Stop trying to expose me. I definitely am.

 **Peter:** I didn’t know you were fluent in French.

 **Steve:** It’s because he isn’t.

 **Tony:** Am too.

[Indiscernible question]

 **Bruce:** Yeah, Tony says he’s fluent in French.

 **Natasha:** [distantly] He _what?_

 **Tony:** Stop trying to _expose me._  My mother thought it was necessary for me to learn a foreign language, so I picked French. Probably should’ve gone with Spanish, because it would have been a lot more helpful and a lot easier, but I didn’t, and those eight years of French lessons have ingrained the language into my brain, even though I still don’t understand the concept of gendering verbs.

 **Ned:** _Right?_  Like, what is the _point_ of that?

 **Peter:** I thought you wanted to move on?

 **Ned:** I _do._  But, Mr. Stark, could you, like, bribe my professor into bumping my grade up to a C? I will… I have no idea, because all my marketable skills are things that you can also do, so like, I’m useless, but I’d really appreciate the assist, my dog.

 **Tony:** I already told Peter I wasn’t bribing any of his professors, so I don’t think that would be fair of me, Ned, I’m sorry.

 **Ned:** [distraught] I am going to get my first C during my sophomore year of _college._

 **Peter:** No, you’re not. We’ll figure it out, okay? But for now, let’s keep D&D-ing. Maybe it’ll distract you.

 **Ned:** Maybe. Or maybe I’ll just jump out the nearest window and call it a life.

[Peter sighing]

 **Steve:** I’m still trying to figure out whether or not Tony actually believes that he knows French.

 **Tony:** I _do!_

 **Peter:** Knock it off, please. God, I hate being the adult for the two of you.

[Bruce laughing]

 **Peter:** [amused] Anyway.

 **Tony:** Hang on a second - Bruce, are you on the second floor, too?

 **Bruce:** Yeah, why?

 **Tony:** … you don’t smell that?

[Pause]

 **Bruce:** Uh-oh. Uh… _Nat?_  Is someone cooking something in the kitchen? Tony and I smell burning!

[Indiscernible talking]

 **Bruce:** Well, tell him to _not_ do that, then!

 **Tony:** Do I even want to know what’s happening?

 **Bruce:** Probably not.

 **Tony:** Great, great, don’t tell me, then.

 **Peter:** Can we move on?

 **Tony:** I gotta move to a different spot. The smell is really bad.

 **Peter:** I - [sighing] Why me?

 **Ned:** Why _you?_

 **Steve:** Why is everyone in a bad mood today?

 **Bruce:** We all want it to be Thanksgiving already, I think. We’re getting hangry.

 **Ned:** That’s the optimistic view of why we’re not having a good time, I think, sure.

 **Peter:** Mr. _Stark._

 **Tony:** What?

 **Peter:** You’re not allowed to sit in here. Go away.

 **Tony:** I didn’t want to find someplace else; this was the closet computer that came to my head.

 **Peter:** There’s computers in _every room of the Compound._

 **Tony:** Mm, that isn’t true. Spangles refuses to put one in his and Steely McGee’s room.

 **Steve:** He’d be up all night messing with it.

 **Tony:** You don’t even need to sleep!

 **Ned:** Who’s Steely McGee? [pause] Oh, wait. Duh. Nevermind. French has fried most of my [ brain cells; I only have two left, and they can be summed up as Shane and Ryan ](https://scontent-atl3-1.cdninstagram.com/vp/efdfa7e34903841add401dc8f714e405/5C6D2ED6/t51.2885-15/e35/44244421_135170770785173_723013187918852486_n.jpg) from [ Buzzfeed Unsolved](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BuzzFeed_Unsolved), so.

 **Peter:** D&D-ing. Please.

 **Tony:** Yeah, yeah, whatever.

 **Bruce:** Mm, yeah, that’s good.

[Pause]

 **Tony:** Uh -

 **Peter:** What the hell is going on on _your_ end, Doc?

 **Bruce:** What? [pause] Oh. _Oh._ No! No, nothing like that, I promise. Nat brought me a piece of the pie that she’s making for tomorrow, and it tastes good, that’s all.

 **Ned:** She brought you a piece of her pie, huh?

 **Peter:** [disgusted] _Ned._

[Ned laughing]

 **Tony:** Okay, uh, are we actually going to do something productive, campaign wise, or should we just give up?

 **Peter:** We’re doing productive things. So, Arlo gets better; hurray. Uh, and as soon as he’s up and about, and has been for about a day, Jak, I’m assuming, decides it time to take him to Quora, to face his doom.

[Pause]

 **Peter:** Not… not literally, obviously, since you all have decided to give him a bit of a break, but… I don’t know, I thought it’d sound good, okay?


	15. Chapter 2 - Session 2 - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group actually heads into Quora, and It Gets Worse!

**Steve:** Uh, before we head out, I think I’d like to talk to Arlo.

 **Peter:** Okay, about what?

 **Steve:** Just, how I’ve got his back, and everything’s going to be fine, stuff like that.

 **Peter:** Uhm, all right, sure. So, uh, you find Arlo in the tent that he shares with you and Violet, just kind of sitting on the edge of a cot, like he’s deep in thought. But he looks up at your arrival, and he says,

> **Garrick:** Hey. Here to see me off?
> 
> **Gray:** I’m coming along, remember?
> 
> **Garrick:** Mm, no. Most of that conversation we had is kind of a blur.
> 
> **Gray:** Yeah, I’m going, the wizard and the bard are, too. We’re all going to defend your actions, and be witnesses to the fact that you saved us.
> 
> **Garrick:** [sighing] I just… I don’t know. I don’t want to say that I’m nervous, but I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t.
> 
> **Gray:** Sure, and you’re right to be, although Annis seemed to think things will be fine.
> 
> **Garrick:** Yeah, and maybe she’s right. I guess we’ll find out.
> 
> **Gray:** Listen, if things don’t go the way we want them too… I’ve got your back, all right? Always.
> 
> **Garrick:** Thanks, Gray.

**Steve:** Yeah, that’s really all I wanted to say.

 **Peter:** Okay, so, that conversation happens, and then both Arlo and Gray exit that tent, and join the other three sort of near the entrance to the Legionnaires’ camp. Annis isn’t exactly standing with you, but she is nearby, watching. After a second Ben joins her, and he says something to her. She nods, once and follows him towards her own tent, and the two of them disappear inside.

Uh, and Violet comes over, just before you all can leave, and she says, to Arlo,

> **Violet:** Try not to get your head cut off, or your ass thrown in jail, I guess.
> 
> **Pentan:** Don’t worry; we’re going to make sure that doesn’t happen.
> 
> **Garrick:** I appreciate the concern, though, Vi. Thank you.

**Peter:** And she sort of makes a face in response.

> **Violet:** Who says I’m concerned? That was just my advice.

**Peter:** Then she walks away again.

 **Tony:** Great character. Very charming.

 **Peter:** Shut up. Uh, so, yeah, the four of you plus Arlo head out of the camp, and in the direction of Quora, with… Jak in the lead?

 **Ned:** Yeah, sure.

 **Peter:** Cool. It takes you about half-an-hour to get to the city, from the camp, and no one really spares you all a second glance as you walk in through the main gate. And you all walk through the city to get to the center, which is where the City Watch barracks is, and where Captain Fontayne is mostly likely waiting for all of you.

Uh, and Jak, one of the guards outside the barracks sort of raises his eyebrow, as you all approach, and he says,

> **City Watch Guard:** What’s with the menagerie, Bennet?
> 
> **Jak:** Long story. Maybe I’ll be able to explain it later. Is the captain inside?
> 
> **City Watch Guard:** Just like he always is.
> 
> **Jak:** Great.

**Ned:** And I push open the door to the barracks, holding it open so everyone else can file in, too.

 **Peter:** Okay. So… you’re just gonna walk in there without restraining Arlo, then?

 **Ned:** Oh, shit, is that an option? Yeah, I want to do that. So at least it looks like I made an effort.

[Laughter]

 **Peter:** All right. Uh, Arlo willingly lets you tie a bit of rope around his wrists, although he looks a little exasperated while you do it.

> **Garrick:** Is this necessary?
> 
> **Stony:** Probably not; it’s just one of his kinks.
> 
> **Pentan:** Gross!
> 
> **Gray:** Yeah, that wasn’t - not good, Bard.
> 
> **Stony:** Just stating the facts, gents.

**Peter:** I hate… uhm, well, just about everything. Let’s continue.

So, Jak restrains Arlo, and then he kind of takes hold of that rope that he used, and tugs him along after him down the main hall of the barracks, towards the end, where Captain Fontayne’s office is. As you all are walking down this hallway, however, one of the doors opens, and stepping out from it into the hall is Jerry.

 **Ned:** Of course it is.

 **Peter:** And he looks over at the four of you, and his face just, like, drains of color, when he sees Arlo. He just kind of stands still for a moment, sort of gaping, and then he says,

> **Jerry:** You found him.
> 
> **Jak:** Yep, I did. And I’ve brought him in.
> 
> **Jerry:** To get convicted?
> 
> **Jak:** We’ll see.

**Peter:** Uh, Jerry nods, a little stiffly, and then he walks down the hall towards the exit, passing you all. And he glances briefly at Arlo as he walks by, and uh, Arlo winks at him. Jerry shakes his head with a huff, and picks up his pace, disappearing outside.

Arlo looks very pleased with himself, after this.

 **Tony:** As he should.

 **Peter:** [amused] Right. Anyway, you make it down to the end of the hall, and Jak, uh, I guess you can go ahead and knock on the door of the office, if you want?

 **Ned:** Yep, I do that.

 **Peter:** Okay, and after a minute or so of silence, Captain Fontayne calls for you to enter from the other side.

 **Ned:** And I do, pulling Arlo into the room behind me.

> **Jak:** Look what I found!

**Ned:** And I shove him into one of the chairs that Fontayne has in front of his desk.

 **Peter:** And, uh, the rest of the squad sort of shoves its way into the room as well, I’m guessing?

[Sounds of agreement from Tony, Bruce, and Steve]

 **Peter:** Okay, so the office is definitely a little cramped. And Fontayne looks around at everybody for a second, his eyebrow raised, before he turns his attention to you, Jak, and he says,

> **Captain Fontayne:** You found quite a bit, it looks like. What’s going on here, Bennet?
> 
> **Jak:** Sir, this is Arlo Garrick, the man I went looking for.

**Peter:** Uh,  Fontayne’s gaze sort of shifts to Arlo, and he focuses on him, more fully, and after a moment of silence, he sort of huffs, and says,

> **Captain Fontayne:** Still getting in trouble, even after all this time?

**Peter:** And Arlo smiles, a little dryly, and responds,

> **Garrick:** Good to see you again, too, Captain Fontayne.

**Peter:** Uh -

 **Tony:** Wait, _what_ just happened?

 **Bruce:** Why does Arlo know everybody? He knew Crit, too, I think, right?

 **Steve:** [sing-song] _I_ know why…

 **Ned:** How about we roleplay, and find out?

 **Tony:** Yeah, all right.

 **Ned:** Okay, uh, I kind of blink, I guess, in surprise, and I look from the captain to Arlo, and back again, and I say,

> **Jak:** You _know him?_
> 
> **Captain Fontayne:** [tiredly] Yes, just not by the same name you do, Bennet. Perhaps you’d like to tell them, though? It’s not my place, I don’t think.

**Peter:** He directed that at Arlo, who’s shoulders sort of slump in response.

> **Pentan:** Tell us what?
> 
> **Gray:** Might as well let ‘em know, pal. They are here to defend you. It’s only fair.
> 
> **Garrick:** Yeah, you’re right. Uh… all right.

**Peter:** And he sort of clears his throat.

> **Garrick:** So… you all know about the Whitlocks, I’m assuming, since they’re the royal family, right?
> 
> **Stony:** Okay…?
> 
> **Garrick:** And you know that the current king is Gideon Whitlock, who’s pretty young to be king, yeah?
> 
> **Pentan:** Sure.
> 
> **Garrick:** But something that you might not know is that… originally, there was someone else who was supposed to become king, in the case of King Julien dying. And uh… that someone else… was me.
> 
> [Pause]
> 
> **Jak:** _You’re_ the missing prince?
> 
> **Garrick:** Guilty. Hi, everybody, my real name is Garrick Whitlock.
> 
> **Jak:** You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.
> 
> **Garrick:** Believe me, I wish I was.
> 
> **Pentan:** If you’re a prince… what are you doing here, with your hands tied up, then?
> 
> **Garrick:** Well, I left. Because I didn’t want to be king. And the only way I could make sure no one came after me was by becoming someone new, so that’s what I did.
> 
> **Stony:** I’m more confused as to how everybody managed to, like, completely forget that there was a prince who went _missing._
> 
> **Garrick:** Magic.
> 
> **Stony:** I’m sorry, what?
> 
> **Garrick:** It was all magic. The Whitlocks are one of the oldest possessors of magic in Adren. It wasn’t hard for my parents to figure out a spell that would manage to erase my name from everybody’s minds. The only reason all of you in this room with me know, now, is because I didn’t try to hide it.
> 
> **Pentan:** Sorry, I need you to explain that all again, slower, please.
> 
> **Garrick:** When I decided that I wanted to leave, and I made it very clear that they couldn’t stop me, my parents decided that they needed something that would ensure no dishonor fell on the family because I’d left, even though I was next in line for the throne. So, they came up with a spell to cast on the entire  
>  country, that made me just a hazy might-have-been memory. People only realize that I was actually a concept when I don’t try to hide who I am from them. The whole basis of the spell worked on the fact that I would do everything in my power to avoid being found. And it does work, generally, unless I decide not to  
>  let it.
> 
> **Pentan:** That’s some really powerful magic. [pause] _That’s_ how Crit knew who you were, isn’t it? Because he helped your parents create the spell!
> 
> **Garrick:** Yeah, that’s what happened.
> 
> **Jak:** So, wait. You left because you didn’t want to be king, and your parents just let you go?
> 
> **Garrick:** It was easier for them that way. At least, it was supposed to be.

**Peter:** He sort of leans back in his seat, and examines his wrists, which are still bound.

> **Garrick:** I was hoping to find a better life away from… the royal stuff. A life that I could fit into more easily. I wasn’t ever going to be a good king. Neither was my brother, really; I wanted my sister to take the throne, but… that didn’t happen.
> 
> **Stony:** Was it supposed to happen?

**Peter:** Uh, he doesn’t respond.

 **Tony:** It was definitely supposed to happen.

 **Ned:** Jak kind of sighs to himself, and glances between Garrick and Fontayne, for a second, before he says,

> **Jak:** I’m guessing we’re not gonna punish him, then.
> 
> **Captain Fontayne:** We should, considering he’s nobody special, at least, in his terms, and through his own effort.
> 
> **Pentan:** I think it’s probably safe to say that the fact that he saved the four of us kind of equalizes with the fact that he killed four people who were probably going to kill more people than that. Right?
> 
> **Gray:** I think that sounds right.
> 
> **Stony:** So do I.

**Peter:** Fontayne looks around at all of you, and eyebrow raised.

> **Captain Fontayne:** And who, exactly, are all of you supposed to be?
> 
> **Pentan:** A guard outside called us a ‘menagerie’. I think that has to do with a circus? If so, I’d say that’s an accurate observation.
> 
> **Stony:** I’d like to think of us a, uh, mismatched quaternity.

**Steve:** What’s a quaternity?

 **Bruce:** It’s like a trinity, but for four things instead of three. Not that ours is mismatched, Tony.

 **Tony:** I think it’s an appropriate adjective.

 **Peter:** Yeah, me too. That’s what we’re going to call your squad from now on; the Mismatched Quaternity. Also, fun new vocabulary word, thanks, Mr. Stark.

 **Tony:** [pleased] You’re welcome.

 **Ned:** Could I suggest -

 **Peter:** No. Uh, anyway, Fontayne snorts.

> **Captain Fontayne:** What makes you all think, then, that you’ll have any say in what I decide to do to this man?
> 
> **Pentan:** Because… we’re player characters?
> 
> **Gray:** But also because we have good judgement skills, and I know for a fact that Arlo - uh, _Garrick_ \- is a good man.
> 
> **Captain Fontayne:** Do you?
> 
> **Gray:** I would hope so. I’ve known him for a while; I think I might have been the first one he told about his real identity, aside from the leader of the group that we’re both part of, and if that isn’t a sign of me being a trustworthy person, whose word is solid, then I don’t know what is.

**Peter:** Uh, Fontayne sort of sighs to himself, and then he looks at Jak.

> **Captain Fontayne:** Bennet. I have a job for you.
> 
> **Jak:** Sir?
> 
> **Captain Fontayne:** Stick with him.

**Peter:** He nods to Garrick.

> **Captain Fontayne:** Make sure he stays out of trouble. If he makes it a week without breaking a law, you can leave him alone.
> 
> **Jak:** You want me to stay with that group of mercs?
> 
> **Captain Fontayne:** I’m asking you to, yes. Just for a while, to make sure he’s figured out that being someone else means his royal privileges that separate him from the law don’t exist, anymore.

**Ned:** Peter…

 **Peter:** Mhm?

 **Ned:** Do I really have to do this?

 **Peter:** Well, no, you don’t _have_ to. But you saying yes to this job is sort of what I’ve based a lot of the rest of the campaign on.

 **Ned:** Okay, if I agree to do this, this doesn’t make me his, like, personal guard or whatever, right?

 **Bruce:** Well, wouldn’t you being loyal to the crown mean that you’d _want_ to keep him safe?

 **Ned:** He’s not the prince anymore.

 **Tony:** No, but if something were to happen to his brother…

 **Ned:** Then his sister would take the throne.

 **Tony:** Not if his parents decided that she wouldn’t be allowed to.

 **Peter:** Mm, true.

 **Ned:** [sighing] This sucks.

 **Bruce:** Why don’t you like him?

 **Ned:** He killed people!

 **Bruce:** So did you. At least, you tried. I honestly can’t remember if you actually dispatched anyone.

 **Ned:** I didn’t try to kill anyone. I protected the bartender.

 **Tony:** Didn’t you take a whack at the woman who was part of that group? At one point?

 **Peter:** Is this still relevant?

 **Ned:** A little bit! Jak has a reason not to like Garrick, but since he’s part of the royal family, there’s going to be a reason for him to want to do this, make sure he stays out of trouble so that he doesn’t have to get put into prison or whatever, and that sucks, because he’s not some kind of watchdog, he’s a city guard!

 **Tony:** A guard that’s part of a group called the City _Watch._

 **Ned:** That doesn’t make me a watchdog for a specific guy! I’m a watchdog for the city!

 **Peter:** But your archetype makes you a watchdog loyal to… uh, the law - uh, what I’m reading basically says that you’ve taken the Oath of Devotion, by choosing this archetype, which means you have different tenants that you have to play by.

But uh, the tenants are, like, the law is paramount, you have to take responsibility for your actions, without loyalty oaths and laws are meaningless… all that good stuff.

 **Steve:** I feel like maintaining order is sort of a big thing that we’re dealing with here.

 **Ned:** How?

 **Steve:** If Garrick has to go through some sort of, I don’t know, process as a criminal, wouldn’t it be possible that he might be exposed as the missing prince? And that would cause all kinds of disorder? So, in a sense, by agreeing to keep an eye on him for however long… you’ll be maintaining that order, through whatever needs to be done. Right?

 **Tony:** Oh, boo.

 **Peter:** What?

 **Tony:** I looked up what my archetype means, College of Lore, and it all has to do with freakin’ _magic._

 **Peter:** Mm, should’ve looked that up before you picked it!

 **Tony:** They all probably would’ve been based in magic, probably. Why can’t a bard just be a _bard?_

 **Bruce:** Because singing and dancing in battle doesn’t really do much?

 **Peter:** Mr. Stark, it’s all going to be fine, I promise. Uh, back to the issue at hand. Ned? What’re you going to say in response to Captain Fontayne’s request that you keep an eye on Arlo - Garrick, I guess - to make sure he stays out of trouble?

[Pause]

 **Ned:** Okay. I know that this is probably going to be integral to the overall plot.

 **Peter:** It’s definitely going to be integral to the overall plot.

 **Ned:** And… I guess Jak wouldn’t ever say no to something his higher-up would ask of him.

 **Peter:** Right.

 **Ned:** So, I guess… I guess Jak just sort of makes a face, but he nods.

> **Jak:** All right. Fine. I’ll… keep an eye on him.
> 
> **Captain Fontayne:** Good.
> 
> **Garrick:** I don’t really need him to do that. I think I’ve learned my lesson; don’t kill very obvious bad guys in Quora ever again.
> 
> **Gray:** Pal, that’s that thing we talked about, that gets you in trouble a lot, remember?
> 
> **Garrick:** Just thought I’d throw it out there.
> 
> **Jak:** Don’t make me reconsider, Your _Highness._
> 
> **Garrick:** Bite me, Bennet.
> 
> **Captain Fontayne:** Enough, both of you. You’re going to need to cooperate, at least a little, in order for this to work.
> 
> **Jak:** In order for _what_ to work? I’m just going to stick around and make sure he doesn’t break anymore laws.
> 
> **Captain Fontayne:** You being an asshole might convince him to do otherwise.
> 
> **Garrick:** Not if it means I have to deal with him for longer than necessary.
> 
> **Pentan:** Children, please. I really don’t think this feud is going to be good for group morale, so could we just… stop it?
> 
> **Jak:** Group morale? What are you even talking about?
> 
> **Pentan:** Well, I mean… we’ve done this all together, so far… who’s to say we’re splitting, now?
> 
> **Gray:** I don’t know if Annis will want to house _all_ of you… she’s going to be unhappy enough that she has to deal with Bennet for a while longer.
> 
> **Jak:** [muttered] The feeling is mutual.
> 
> **Stony:** Does Annis know about you, Your Highness?
> 
> **Garrick:** Please stop calling me that. Yes, she knows. She was the first one I told, after some of the palace guards came poking around the Legionnaires.
> 
> **Jak:** What was the point of that, if no one remembered you existed?
> 
> [Pause]
> 
> **Garrick:** My dad… he wasn’t super into the idea. I guess when I left, he kind of felt like maybe it wouldn’t work out, and so he sent the guards after me, to bring me back. That didn’t happen, obviously, but uh… yeah.
> 
> **Stony:** Shit, I know about horrible dads, but like… maybe he had a reason to want you to stay?
> 
> **Pentan:** Yeah, no offense, Handsome, but your brother, he isn’t doing so hot as king.
> 
> **Garrick:** I know, which is why I wanted my sister to be queen. And my mom assured me that she would be, because she felt the same, but my dad had the final say, and I guess… I guess he wanted to rub my decision in my face.
> 
> **Pentan:** By using your brother? That’s harsh.
> 
> **Garrick:** The old bastard’s dead, but he’s still finding ways to make me regret my decision. Not that I should, since I was told my sister would take the throne. I should’ve known it was a lie.

**Tony:** Well, that all sucks. I bet his brother didn’t want to take the throne, either.

 **Ned:** We talked about that before, didn’t we? About how he doesn’t seem to like being king, and that’s why he’s doing so bad?

 **Steve:** What was his name?

 **Peter:** Uh, current king is Gideon. Their father was Julien.

 **Steve:** Right, okay. I probably should have that written down.

 **Bruce:** Probably, but I know I didn’t write it down, either, so at least we’re in the same boat. I should write everything down.

 **Tony:** No, no. That’s what the transcripts are for.

 **Ned:** Nobody reads the transcripts.

 **Steve:** I do, sometimes.

 **Peter:** I mean, I have it all in front of me, but like, I’d appreciate it if I didn’t have to keep repeating information.

 **Tony:** I’m pretty sure we only talked about the royal family one other time, during, like, the second session of game play.

 **Peter:** The point sticks that writing stuff down will be helpful to both you and me. Anyway -

 **Ned:** Are we going. to fight anything this session? Because Jak really wants to punch something.

 **Peter:** Jak does, or _Ned_ does?

 **Ned:** Both. Ned wants to punch his French professor, and Jak wants to punch Garrick, but he isn’t going to?

 **Peter:** I could probably figure out a way for you to get a fight in, somewhere.

 **Steve:** I’ll fight him.

 **Ned:** Wait, _what?_

 **Peter:** Why would you do that?

 **Steve:** Well, Gray’s kind of not Jak’s biggest fan. He’s kind of being the worst towards his friend, and so, that kind of sparks Gray’s loyal, defensive mode, and he’s sort of in the mood to punch Jak in the face.

 **Bruce:** I think it would be better if no one punched anyone in the face?

 **Tony:** Shh, let them punch one another in the face. We can place bets on them.

 **Bruce:** Don’t try to gain from our friends not being friends with one another!

 **Tony:** I’m not friends with either of these people.

 **Bruce:** Maybe not, but you’re friends with my character, right?

 **Tony:** Mm, friends in a strong word.

 **Peter:** You guys, _please._ This is the sort of thing you talk about _not_ in the middle of the D &D session. Uh, anyway, Captain Fontayne kind of sighs to himself, and he says,

> **Captain Fontayne:** I’m not responsible for the majority of you, that are in this room right now, and I doubt that any of you are smart enough to be responsible for yourselves, but I don’t know who your keeper is, so I’m going to say that, for the sake of nothing else terrible happening in my city, it would be very helpful if  
>  you all were to stay together, and get as far away from Quora as possible.
> 
> **Jak:** Even me?
> 
> **Captain Fontayne:** [sighing] I should’ve mentioned this to you, before, and I wanted to talk about it in private, but… there’s an investigation going on, around you and your actions at the Bookmark Tavern the night of that fight.
> 
> **Jak:** _What?_ On what grounds?
> 
> **Captain Fontayne:** One of the barkeeps brought forward some information about how poorly the situation was handled, and considering you and Jerry were the ones present in the bar during the mishap, it makes sense that the problems the owner of the establishment found with the altercation should fall on your  
>  shoulders.
> 
> **Jak:** So, wait, let me get this straight. You’re not only giving me a task that I _really_ don’t want to do, but you’re also making me _leave the city,_ and _go away from the city,_ for an extended period of time, because Jerry and I didn’t… what, arrest the people who were trying to kill everyone in the bar?
> 
> **Captain Fontayne:** Unfortunately, that is the step we are going to have to take, yes. While a Watch member is under investigation, it is necessary for me to put them on probation.
> 
> **Jak:** So… technically, I don’t have to watch this guy.
> 
> **Captain Fontayne:** This is my way of still being able to pay you a sum of gold, even while you’re not doing work for the Watch. I wouldn’t refuse the offer.

**Ned:** Peter, why do you have to make this so difficult?

 **Peter:** It’s only difficult for _you._ I figured that was all right, considering it was one out of four

 **Bruce:** Thank you for not making it difficult for all of us.

 **Tony:** It’s difficult for me! I don’t want to go back to the Legionnaires.

 **Steve:** Why _not?_

 **Tony:** Because I’m a _bard._ I need to get back on track, schedule performances all over the country, maybe even travel outside the country! I’m not an adventuring type.

 **Bruce:** Neither is Pentan; but he’s got a free bed and free food with the mercenaries, so he isn’t going to argue.

 **Peter:** And, couldn’t you just, like, schedule performances in whatever cities the Legionnaires stop near?

 **Steve:** Wait, wait, wait. Are we suggesting that _everyone_ is going to join the Legionnaires?

 **Bruce:** Well, didn’t someone say that Garrick was, like, an honorary member, once? Maybe we could be honorary members, too!

 **Ned:** Jak doesn’t _want_ to be an honorary member.

 **Steve:** And I really don’t know if Annis is going to like the idea, either.

 **Peter:** Well, if you’d _let me DM,_ I’d _resolve that problem._

[Bruce laughing]

 **Steve:** Sorry. Uh, go ahead.

 **Peter:** Oh, thanks. Thank you for giving me permission to DM my own D&D campaign -

 **Steve:** [crosstalk] I’m sorry!

 **Peter:** [crosstalk] Captain America!

 **Steve:** I’m sorry.

 **Peter:** [amused] It’s fine. Uh, Captain Fontayne looks at you, actually, Gray, and he says,

> **Captain Fontayne:** You mentioned an Annis. Does she happen to be a halfling who looks oddly like the [Chiquita Banana lady](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/20/53/27/205327aa3a6900e2bd43f1c1c27fd608.gif)?

[Laughter]

 **Peter:** Since, uh, since that’s apparently canon?

> **Gray:** Yes?
> 
> **Captain Fontayne:** So, she’s still running the Legionnaires, after all this time.
> 
> **Gray:** She said that she knew you.
> 
> **Captain Fontayne:** She does. And I know her, although… that’s perhaps a story for her to tell you, if you’re interested. In any case, the fact that we’re dealing with her should make this easier, so long as the request to house you all comes from me.
> 
> **Jak:** A _request._ Fantastic.
> 
> **Captain Fontayne:** Bennet, it is this, or you lose your job with the Watch for good. You know that.
> 
> **Jak:** Well, sure I do, but that doesn’t mean I have to have a good attitude about the scenario that ends in me _not_ losing my job.

**Ned:** I’M FAILING FRENCH.

 **Peter:** YOU HAVE A ‘C’.

 **Bruce:** I DON’T THINK WE NEED TO BE YELLING.

 **Tony:** Okay, I’m taking the initiative and ending the session right the hell now. This is getting way too out of hand. We’re all hangry, we all want to do our fun Thanksgiving stuff, because we aren’t losers who don’t like Thanksgiving, and uh… yeah, we’re done with D&D for now.

 **Steve:** We didn’t resolve anything!

 **Tony:** What do you _mean?_ We leveled up! ARLO IS A FUCKING PRINCE.

 **Peter:** And we have a plan for next time!

 **Ned:** You know what I _don’t_ have a plan for?

 **Bruce:** How to raise your grade from a ‘C’ to a ‘B’?

 **Ned:** He gets it.

 **Peter:** [sighing]

~ END OF TRANSMISSION - LOGGED NOVEMBER 23rd ~


	16. A Real Life Interlude - French and Superiority Dice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captain Steve Rogers comes to ESU for Ned's help. It, for once, doesn't Get Worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I've spent the last however many months just writing transcripts? So, I figured it would be a good idea to write some actual, like, narrative stuff, and this is that. Expect more of these, as the campaign, and the story itself, continues.  
> (Also, did you notice I didn't greet you as your technical DM, and some other crazy thing? That's because in this chapter, I'm just your author.)  
> (I’m always your best friend though.)

November 28th

Ned huffed as he examined his French study sheet, trying and failing to understand what the words on the page were saying to him. Unfortunately, as it was in another language…

Ned shook his head, balled the paper up in his hand, and tossed it over his shoulder. He didn’t bother looking to see where it had landed.

A knock sounded on the door of the study room he’d claimed in ESU’s library, and he sighed, turning to face it.

“Occupied!” he said, loud enough to be heard through the door.

All the same, it opened, and Ned almost fell out of his chair when he saw who was standing on the other side.

Thankfully, he managed to simply stumble up into a standing position instead, considering the amount of his peers that were standing behind the figure in the doorway, gaping up at him with wide-eyed admiration and astonishment.

“Ned!” Steve Rogers greeted, smiling. “Peter said I’d be able to find you here. Campus isn’t as big as I thought it’d be.”

“Yeah,” Ned said, not really comprehending what was going on. “Sorry, you were looking for me?”

Steve nodded, stepping into the study room. “You were going to teach me about superiority dice?”

“You play D&D with _Captain America?”_ one of the students standing outside the study room exclaimed. Ned suddenly realized that maybe they shouldn’t be talking about this with an audience, and he quickly shuffled around Steve and closed the door. He heard the groans of the students that Steve had drawn the attention of through it, but he thought they’d be okay, now.

Steve looked sheepish. “Probably wasn’t smart of me to show up at your college, huh?” he asked. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine,” Ned said. He caught sight of his French notes, where they’d rolled to a stop near the wall, and he quickly stooped down to retrieve them, doing his best to un-wrinkle the paper. “I was just studying, but uh…”

“It’s not going so well?” Steve guessed, eyeing the paper.

Ned sighed, and Steve held out a hand. “You said it’s French, right?” he asked. “I’m probably little rusty, but I picked up a bit of it, when I was in the Army. Maybe I could help.”

Ned shrugged his shoulders, and handed the paper over. “Sure. I doubt that you’ll be able to explain to me any better than my professor who has a Ph.D. in the stuff.”

Steve straightened out the paper and examined it for a moment. “Oh,” he said. “Verb conjugation?”

“Yeah,” Ned said, settling down in the chair that he’d vacated. “I know, it’s basic stuff, just - I don’t get it.”

“What is it that you don’t get?” Steve asked, pulling out a chair of his own from under the table in the middle of the room.

Ned shrugged again. “I don’t know. I guess maybe it’s just that I can’t remember what you replace the ending with, when it comes to different pronouns.”

“Memorization thing, then,” Steve concluded. “That’s fair.” He considered it. “Have you tried using a mnemonic device?”

Ned stared at him. “A what?”

“A mnemonic device,” Steve repeated, with a small smile. “It’s like a rhyme, that helps you remember things. It doesn’t have to rhyme, but… uh, an example would be, like, if you were trying to remember how to spell a word. Like, I don’t know, ‘success’. ‘Double the ‘c’, double the ‘s’, and you will always have success.’” At Ned’s blank look, he sighed. “Yeah, it’s kind of confusing.”

“No, I get it,” Ned said. “I’m just trying to figure out how to do that with this.” He waved a hand at the paper, which Steve had set down on the table in front of him.

Steve tilted his head thoughtfully, examining the conjugation sheet. “Well,” he said after a second, “I guess - I can see where you might have the most trouble. For ‘je’ and ‘il’ or ‘elle’ it’s just an ‘e’ that goes at the end instead. But the rest of them are a little more complicated than that.”

“And then there’s the whole ‘it’s different for verbs that end in ‘ir’ or ‘ar’’ thing,” Ned grumbled. “I’m a hopeless case, Cap.”

“No,” Steve said. “Not hopeless. Just… in need of assistance.” He frowned down at the paper. “I guess I’m not so good a teacher.”

“I appreciate the thought,” Ned sighed. “You want to talk about something a lot more fun, and something I definitely understand better than French?”

“You wouldn’t rather try to keep studying?” Steve questioned, and Ned made a face.

“I’d rather do anything than try to keep studying.”

Steve smiled again, and nodded in agreement, before he stood up a bit to reach into his pocket. He pulled out a folded over piece of paper, which he very carefully unfolded, and set down on the table in front of him. Ned saw that it was his character sheet.

“So, I tried to figure it out on my own,” Steve said, “but when it came down to it, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, so I figured it was better to let you try and explain it to me instead.”

Ned nodded, and scooted his chair around the table, closer to where Steve was sitting. “It’s pretty basic stuff,” he said. “It gets a little more confusing when you get to higher levels, but for right now, you have four dice, d8s, that you can spend rolling special moves, which you get to pick. You said you decided on Battle Master, right?”

Steve nodded. “Peter said that he’d let me change my mind if I wanted to, since I really didn’t know what I was picking, but I think I’ll just stick with it.”

“Okay. There’s some lore stuff tied up in it, but it’s not important. What is important is your maneuvers.” Ned dragged his backpack across the table to where he was sitting, and dug around inside of it for a second, searching for his D&D notebook. When he finally retrieved it, and pulled it out, Steve’s eyes went wide. He reached out a hand and prodded at some of the loose papers that were sticking out of the notebook.

“How long have you had this thing?” he asked after a moment, and Ned considered it.

“Since my first campaign, I think,” he said. “I have story stuff in there, character sheets, for my characters and NPCs… it’s a mess.”

“It’s pretty impressive,” Steve said, and Ned snorted. “No, it is. If only French could receive this much dedication.”

“Yeah, well, French sucks,” Ned said, and he flipped the notebook open. “I just have to find the list I made when I played a fighter…”

Steve watched Ned turn page after page of his notebook, retrieving loose pages as they attempted to escape without looking up, and he decided that the kid would be okay, bad at French or not.


	17. Chapter 2 - Session 3 - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Quaternity makes the decision to split up, and It Gets Worse!

~ START OF TRANSMISSION - AVENGERS COMPOUND - NOVEMBER 30th ~

 **Tony:** [singing] _Everybody_ …

 **Bruce:** [sighing] _Yeah._

 **Peter:** What’s happening?

 **Tony:** [singing] _Rock your body…_

 **Ned:** Oh, no!

 **Peter:** [horrified] This is worse than everything I was imagining!

 **Bruce:** [crosstalk] [singing] _Yeah_.

 **Tony:** [singing] [_Everybody… rock your body right._](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6M6samPEMpM) [pounding on a hard surface three times] _QUATERNITY’S BACK, ALL RIGHT!_

 **Peter:** I’ve never been more upset.

 **Steve:** I don’t get it. Is that… did you just make that up?

 **Bruce & Tony: **Yes!

 **Tony:** [crosstalk] That was all us.

 **Bruce:** [crosstalk] An original T-Bone Production.

 **Peter:** Wait, _wait._ What the _fuck_ is T-Bone? Also, no, Cap, that was the… horrifyingly memorable song by [ The Backstreet Boys](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Backstreet_Boys).

 **Tony:** Bruce and I. Our collab name. Catch us on [ YouTube](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/YouTube), uh, we do all the stuff [ Dude Perfect ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dude_Perfect) does, as well as write music and give you nifty tutorials on how to write HTML code.

 **Bruce:** [amused] We’re a very versatile channel.

 **Ned:** I’m just disgusted that you watch Dude Perfect.

 **Tony:** They have some _really dope shit_ on their channel, Nedward.

 **Peter:** And I don’t think you have much space to talk, since you’re still watching, ahem, _Laura Lee._

 **Tony:** _What?_ The Jeffree Star stan still watches Laura Lee, and you’re trying to talk shit about me watching Dude Perfect? Are you _joking?_

 **Ned:** I’m just here for the tea, ladies.

 **Steve:** I didn’t understand any of what was said in the past, like, four minutes.

 **Bruce:** Me either, for the most part. I’ve learned to just roll with it.

 **Peter:** Uhm, so, we’re actually going to manage to play D&D this time, right? Since Thanksgiving’s over, and Christmas isn’t for a while.

 **Ned:** Translating to we have nothing to distract us.

 **Steve:** Did you raise your grade in French?

 **Ned:** Eh.

 **Peter:** _Yes,_ he did, pretty significantly, too.

 **Ned:** I wouldn’t say _that…_ my professor let me perform a skit with a partner who also wanted to improve their grade, and it took us from C’s to mid-B’s.

 **Bruce:** That’s good!

 **Ned:** Yeah, it is, I guess. I’m grateful to my professor.

 **Peter:** Right. Everybody should be in a better mood, this time around, and so we’re going to do better than we did last time. Right?

[Mumbles of consent]

 **Peter:** Good enough, I guess. So, uh, last time, Stony caught Pentan before he could break an arm or something by falling out of a tree… and everybody found out that Arlo Garrick is actually named Garrick Whitlock, and that he is actually the eldest son of the Whitlock family, who are the royal line in Adren. Uh, and Captain Fontayne has given Jak the task of ensuring that Garrick does not get into any more trouble, while also kind of putting Jak on probation while an investigation into the events that went down at the Bookmark Tavern is going on.

Uhm…

 **Tony:** Does this mean Jerry is going to come with us, too?

 **Peter:** Hm?

 **Tony:** Last time you said that the Watch was investigating Jerry. Is he on probation?

 **Peter:** Oh, uh, I mean - I don’t think Jerry would have planned to join the Legionnaires, but I guess… I guess that’s an option? Uh, does… well, I guess Garrick would probably want him to.

 **Steve:** Does Jerry know about Garrick’s real identity?

 **Peter:** Mm, I’m not gonna answer that.

 **Steve:** Fair enough.

 **Ned:** Jak doesn’t want Jerry coming along.

 **Peter:** Okay?

 **Ned:** Because Jerry’s in love with Garrick, and if he spends more time with him, he might decide to leave the Watch, and that’s not something that Jak stands for.

 **Peter:** I guess that makes sense. Uh, could I give you a start-off point, and then we can go from there?

 **Bruce:** Yeah, yeah, do that.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh, so, Captain Fontayne crafts a message to Annis, the halfling leader of the Legionnaires, for you all to deliver, asking her to, uh, I guess house three of you while stuff’s going down. He mostly wants Pentan and Stony to go with them so that he knows for sure that they’re away from Quora, which -

 **Tony:** Reasonable

 **Peter:** Yeah, right. Uh, Jak he wants with the Legionnaires to keep an eye on Garrick. Since Garrick and Gray are already part of the merc group, uh, he doesn’t have to worry about them. But along with the message he includes a satchel of gold. And he hands both of these things to you, Jak, and he says,

> **Captain Fontayne:** I will send a letter, when things have cleared up here. I’m sorry to do this to you.

**Ned:** I just kind of grunt and take the money and letter.

 **Peter:** [amused] Uhm. So, yeah, that happens, you’re dismissed by the captain, and I… well, do you head back to the merc group immediately, or what?

 **Bruce:** I feel like, at some point, I’m going to have to send a message to the Academy, let them know what’s going on…?

 **Peter:** Mm, maybe. Uh… I guess doing that while still in the city would be the best choice, since there’s probably couriers all over the place. Do you want to just, like, say you did that?

 **Bruce:** Yeah. In the letter, I just kind of mention what’s been happening, without really mentioning the events specifically, y’know? And I let ‘em know that I will be returning, by the time I’m supposed to.

 **Peter:** All right. What about the rest of you? Is there anything you want to do while we’re in Quora that you won’t be able to do otherwise?

 **Steve:** Not me.

 **Ned:** I don’t think there’s anything for me to do, either. Since I’m not supposed to be in the city anymore, I guess.

 **Peter:** Just for a little while.

 **Ned:** Eh.

 **Peter:** Mr. Stark? Anything you want to do?

 **Tony:** I… want to go to the Library.

 **Peter:** [surprised] Really?

 **Tony:** Yes.

 **Peter:** Okay, what for?

 **Tony:** I am… going to go… down those stairs. The magic ones.

[Bruce inhaling]

 **Ned:** You’re serious?

 **Tony:** Yes. I don’t think Peter would have realistically allowed me to be a bard that can’t use magic, so I’m - I’m gonna make it a big reveal before he can, to ruin his narrative. Stony’s _my_ character.

 **Peter:** I never said he wasn’t!

 **Tony:** Anyway. I’m gonna go find out Stony’s got some magic in him on my own initiative.

 **Peter:** Uh, I guess if that’s - that’s what you want to do. Does anyone want to go with him?

> **Pentan:** I do.

**Peter:** [laughing] Of course. Uh, Stony’s okay with that?

 **Tony:** Not really, but I don’t want to argue even more, so I don’t say anything when he follows me.

 **Peter:** All right. And the other three, you just head back?

 **Steve:** I guess we do. Is that okay?

 **Peter:** Yeah, it’s fine. The Legionnaires aren’t gonna pack up and go anywhere. Uh, so… all right. Pentan and Stony, you, for the second time in, like, a week, head to the Library. And, it is just as quiet inside as it was the first time, and there really isn't anybody inside. But uh, the Librarian from before spots you, immediately, and he hurries over. And he says,

> **The Librarian:** Back again, and so soon!
> 
> **Pentan:** Yep, but not for me this time.
> 
> **The Librarian:** Oh.

**Peter:** Uh, and he kind of side-eyes you, Stony.

 **Tony:** I’ll side-eye him back.

 **Peter:** He makes a face, and then he shrugs, and gestures towards the stairs.

> **The Librarian:** Be my guest.

**Peter:** He says.

 **Tony:** Ah-right. I walk over towards the stairs.

 **Peter:** As you get closer, actually, the rapier that you received from the Infinity Chest starts to… vibrate.

 **Tony:** Oh, [ does it glow](https://scifi.stackexchange.com/questions/96057/do-all-elven-blades-glow-blue-in-the-presence-of-orcs), too?

 **Peter:** No, it doesn’t glow. It’s not - there are no orcs or goblins nearby.

 **Bruce:** So it was glowing the entire time we were with Jak, then.

 **Peter:** [amused] It is not an elvish blade.

 **Steve:** What’s the reference, here?

 **Tony:** He’s never read [ _The Hobbit_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hobbit) _._ You’ve got to be kidding me.

 **Ned:** We can talk about it later, Cap.

 **Tony:** So, my sword’s vibrating. What does that mean?

 **Peter:** You don’t know.

 **Bruce:** Could I roll an arcana check, to maybe find out?

 **Peter:** Yeah, sure!

[dice roll]

 **Tony:** Just for, uh, immersion purposes, Pete, is it vibrating like a PlayStation controller, or is it more like… uh, well.

 **Peter:** Gross. It’s a slight vibration.

 **Tony:** ‘kay. That’s all I needed to know.

 **Bruce:** Uh, the arcana was a twenty.

 **Peter:** All right, uh, so… you examine Stony’s sword, for him, and you’re kind of, like, astonished that you didn’t realize it before, but you see now that it is one of the weapons that you’ve learned about at the Academy, and you remember that it is called Convergence. And this rapier, if wielded by a magic user, is known to deal thunder damage to its target. And uh, you think that maybe it is reacting to the magic surrounding the staircase.

 **Tony:** I have a _dope rapier called Convergence?_

 **Steve:** Why Convergence?

 **Peter:** ‘Cause, like, it’s a weapon, that does magic damage, but only if its carried by a magic user. Uh, so like, a mage that doesn’t know how to fight wouldn’t really do so hot with this weapon, but a mage who’s sort of skilled in battle _and_ magic will have no problem with it. It’s a _convergence_ of weaponry and magic.

 **Bruce:** Ah, very clever.

 **Peter:** [pleased] Thank you!

 **Ned:** Yeah, that’s cool and all, but uh… why didn’t we all have Pentan do arcana checks on our Infinity Chest prizes as soon as we got them?

 **Peter:** Well, see, the _plan_ was for me to reveal this sort of power that the rapier posesses during the next _battle,_ when Stony goes to hit something with it, and the guy’s dealt thunder damage, and it was gonna be really _cool,_ but whatever, I guess.

 **Ned:** Mm, and it would’ve only worked because Stony’s magical, I get it.

 **Peter:** Yeah, so much for that fun plan, right?

 **Tony:** Well, shit, now I kind of feel bad for ruining it. But not that bad. Uh, I ignore the sword, which I assume Pentan’s still holding, and I approach the stairs.

 **Bruce:** Uh, I’m gonna say, just real quick,

> **Pentan:** Be careful. Don’t do this just to prove a point.
> 
> **Stony:** [sighing] It isn’t just to prove a point, Robes. This is to… I don’t know. Figure myself out, I guess. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but some weird stuff’s been happening, stuff that probably shouldn’t have happened, and -

**Pentan:** What do you mean?

> **Stony:** I mean… I don’t think I should’ve caught you, that day, when you fell out of the tree. There was - the wind, it freaked out, and pushed me forward in time. And then the sword vibrated when I touched it the first time, too. And when we were fighting the illusionist, I swear I - I put those candles out, at one point,  
>  just by _talking._
> 
> **Pentan:** And you think those things mean magic.
> 
> **Stony:** I don’t know how else to explain them.

**Peter:** As you two are discussing this, uh, you don’t notice that the Librarian has disappeared from behind his desk. You don’t see where he’s gone, either.

 **Ned:** Mm! That’s not good!

 **Steve:** Doesn’t sound very good, yeah.

 **Tony:** Uh, I turn away from Pentan, and continue towards the stairs.

 **Peter:** All right. Just as you are about to step down onto the first step, uh, a bolt of fire just very narrowly misses you, and hits the space above the stairs instead, where they start to lead down? And it fizzles out, as it makes contact with this blank space, and you and Pentan both turn to see that the Librarian has reappeared, and his hands are glowing red. And he says,

> **The Librarian:** Very sorry, Mr. Ark, but… I’m afraid I can’t let you go down those stairs.

**Peter:** And let’s jump to Gray and Jak, really quick.

[Outrage]

 **Peter:** I’m sorry! This is - it was planned, I promise. Just, not exactly _this_ way. You were all supposed to fight - uh, well, Jak and Gray head out of Quora towards the Legionnaires’ camp, along with Garrick, who is just - he doesn’t look super excited by the fact that he technically has a babysitter, now.

 **Ned:** Well, I’m not super excited to be his babysitter, so.

 **Peter:** Uh, and you all enter the woods, and as you are getting acquainted with the path leading towards the camp, uh, you hear movement, on the path behind you. You all turn, to see where the noise is coming from, and find yourself faced with a… pretty burly dude. He uh - he’s buff, and he’s got a scar over one eye. And he’s holding a roll of parchment in one hand. When he sees he has your attention, he unrolls the parchment, and reads off of it,

> **Scarface:** “You are looking for a man in his late twenties, dark-haired, bearded, possibly wearing a cloak. He wields twin daggers. Dispatch him.”

**Peter:** And he glances up from the parchment, sort of looking Garrick over, and he says,

> **Scarface:** I think I may just have well found you.

**Peter:** And Garrick says,

> **Garrick:** That description could belong to twenty percent of the population.
> 
> **Scarface:** Well, then, how about this?

**Peter:** And uh, Gray, before you know what’s happening, there’s suddenly an arm around your throat, and a dagger pressed against your temple. And, Jak, to your left, a third figure emerges from the trees, with an arrow trained directly at you. And the first dude grins, and he says,

> **Scarface:** You confirm who you are for me, and I won’t kill your friends.
> 
> **Garrick:** Who is it that you think I am?
> 
> **Scarface:** Someone that someone else is willing to pay quite a bit of money to see dead.
> 
> **Garrick:** Also probably describes twenty percent of the population. More, even. People are all kind of arseholes [sic].
> 
> **Gray:** Don’t tell him.
> 
> **Scarface:** Oh, he _speaks!_

**Peter:** Uh, the arm around your neck tightens, Gray, and a second voice speaks into your ear; it is feminine.

> **Feminine Voice:** I’d watch what you say, dear one. We have eyes around your camp, too. Wouldn’t want anything happening to that sweet baby sister of yours, would we?
> 
> **Gray:** Bullshit.
> 
> **Feminine Voice:** Mm, touchy, touchy. How much are you willing to bet?

**Peter:** You can feel the dagger against your temple; it is _very_ sharp. Uh, and the ranger who has you in his sights, Jak, he says,

> **Ranger:** What about you, green giant? Anything to say?
> 
> **Jak:** You’re lucky that you haven’t given me reason to kill you, because if you had, you’d already be dead.

**Peter:** All three of them laugh.

> **Scarface:** He’s brave, I’ll give him that. Rare quality, for a Watchman.
> 
> **Jak:** You wouldn’t know anything about bravery, catching us in the woods, defenseless.
> 
> **Ranger:** Don’t need bravery when you have strategy.

**Ned:** Uh, Peter, how likely is it that the feminine person will stab Gray in the head if I try and knock the bow out of the ranger’s hands?

 **Peter:** Uh, the percentage is definitely higher than your French grade.

 **Bruce:** Ouch, Peter. Was that necessary?

 **Peter:** No, I just thought it was funny. And it was, to me! Uh, anyway, yeah, I wouldn’t - I wouldn’t take any chances.

 **Ned:** Dang, all right.

 **Steve:** I’m going to be very adamant about this, and say, again,

> **Gray:** Don’t tell them. Don’t.
> 
> **Garrick:** Gray, the camp -
> 
> **Gray:** They’re _bluffing,_ you have to realize that.
> 
> **Feminine Voice:** You’re willing to take that chance?
> 
> **Gray:** I don’t have to take a chance, because I can roll insight!

[Bruce laughing]

 **Steve:** Which is what I do, to see if they’re lying about having other people near the camp.

 **Peter:** Okay, go for it.

 **Steve:** Uh… oh.

 **Peter:** Mm, yeah? Big shot? You wanna tell everyone what your roll was?

 **Steve:** It might have been an eight.

[Tony laughing]

 **Ned:** Good try, though, I guess.

 **Peter:** Yeah, so, you have no idea whether or not they’re lying about the camp being in danger, but uh, you can recover from that, if you want, to try and convince Garrick further.

 **Steve:** That’d be persuasion?

 **Peter:** Yes.

 **Steve:** Okay. [dice roll] Ah.

 **Peter:** Yes?

 **Steve:** That was a nine!

[Tony laughing harder]

 **Bruce:** Well, you got one higher!

 **Steve:** And I’m going to guess that the ranger is about as likely to shoot Jak if I try and kick the person behind me, right?

 **Peter:** Mm, yeah, probably.

 **Steve:** Great. Well, uh, I’m out of ideas. Ned?

 **Ned:** Jak’s only response to anything threatening is to, like, pull out his axe, so I’m at a loss here, too.

 **Peter:** Well, cool, the uh, the player characters are useless in this scene. Fantastic. Am I going to have to pull a [ Deus Ex Machina](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/deus%20ex%20machina), here? A DM Ex Machina?

 **Steve:** Yeah, I mean, having Violet or Annis, or maybe Ben show up right now would be incredibly helpful.

 **Peter:** All right, well, none of those people show up. Uh, what arrives instead is, oddly enough, a… bird.

 **Ned:** A _bird?_

 **Peter:** Yes, it is small, brown bird, kind of like a finch. It swoops down from the trees on the right side of the path, and uh, Gray, you don’t see this happen, but Jak, you do. You see this bird, just go _ham_ on the person that was holding Gray. Like, it is clawing at their scalp with its talons, and it is screeching. This bird is pissed.

 **Bruce:** [quietly] That’s the druid.

 **Peter:** What?

 **Tony:** Yeah, uh, [ say that a little louder, for the people in the back](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Say%20it%20again%20louder%20for%20the%20people%20in%20the%20back.).

 **Bruce:** [inhaling] It’s the _druid._

 **Peter:** Mm, maybe. Let’s have Jak and Gray’s party roll initiative, really quick for me.

[dice rolling]

 **Steve:** Uh, oop, 17.

 **Ned:** 23, with a natural 20, baby.

 **Peter:** Oh, good. That means I’m gonna let you have a free action to, like, get away from this ranger dude, who goes right after you, without taking an opportunity of attack from him.

 **Ned:** [fake tough voice] Thanks, bro.

 **Peter:** [copying the voice] You’re welcome, dude. [normal voice] Uh, so, we’ll say the ranger turns, to aim his arrow at the bird that’s attacking his companion instead, which means he takes his sights off you, giving you the chance to move away.

 **Ned:** Great. I do that, and pull out my axe at the same time. The new one, that I got from the Infinity Chest.

 **Peter:** Great. And, uh, you’re up first, actually, so go ahead and make an attack, if you want.

 **Ned:** Oh, I want. Sort of. Uh… this axe didn’t give me a plus anything, right?

 **Peter:** No.

 **Ned:** Okay. But I am proficient in this type of weapon, so… [dice roll] That’s an 18?

 **Peter:** Hits, and uh, you watch in surprise as the ranger’s eyes roll into the back of his head, and he kind of shakes his head, as though he’s been stunned, which isn’t something that you’ve ever seen happen with anybody you’ve hit with an axe before now? So that’s weird.

 **Ned:** Magic axe!

 **Tony:** Magic sword!

 **Ned:** Magic buddies! Except, I’m definitely not magic, so I don’t get it, but whatever.

 **Peter:** Uh, go ahead and roll damage, too, but just know that the ranger is stunned, which means he’s going to have disadvantage on whatever he tries to do during his turn.

 **Ned:** Great. [dice roll] Nine!

 **Peter:** All right. He takes nine damage. And it’s his turn, next, and he uh, he kind of loses the aim he had, on the bird, which is still fighting with the feminine person, who has since let go of Gray, by the way, uh, but he tries to take a shot at it, anyway. [dice roll] That was a four, which normally would hit a bird, but not this one. Uh, his arrow goes flying, way off course. And Gray, it’s your turn.

 **Steve:** Okay, I’m going to duck away from the person who was holding me, and uh, since they are preoccupied with our bird friend, I’m going to get closer to the dude that was threatening Garrick, and take a swing at him. With my non-magic, boring starter sword.

 **Peter:** You rolled the seven, dog.

 **Steve:** That’s an 11?

 **Peter:** Not gonna do it.

 **Steve:** Crud.

 **Peter:** Uh, actually, we’ll say that Garrick reaches out an arm to stop you, before you can take your swing, and he says,

> **Garrick:** This one’s mine.
> 
> **Gray:** But mine’s getting attacked by a bird!

[Laughter]

 **Peter:** Next in the order is actually this scarred dude, who glances between the two of you, as though making a decision, before he sort of sighs to himself, and pulls a sword of his own. And he says,

> **Scarface:** This didn’t have to be so difficult.

**Peter:** And he charges at Garrick. [dice roll] And misses, with a seven.

 **Steve:** I trip him.

 **Peter:** Uh, no, you don’t.

 **Steve:** I’m going to pretend I tripped him.

 **Peter:** [amused] Uh, the figure getting attack by the bird, who is a woman, by the way, with bright orange hair, she, she manages to whack the bird away from her, pretty hard, sending it flying away towards the trees. And she sort of growls, and pulls out a second dagger, setting her sights on Garrick as well. [dice roll] Oh, and she misses too.

 **Steve:** I trip her, too!

[Bruce laughing]

 **Peter:** This fight is not as menacing as I wanted it to be. Uh… let’s switch back over to Stony and Pentan, because I feel like that fight might still have a chance of being wild. Could the two of you roll initiative for me as well?

 **Bruce:** Ooh, 22. Natural 20.

 **Peter:** Wow, two of them.

 **Tony:** I got a 12.

 **Peter:** And the Librarian’s at a six, which means, uh, I guess Pentan’s up first.

 **Bruce:** Okay, great, but before I even think about casting anything at this dude -

 **Peter:** [amused] Sure.

 **Bruce:** I’d like to ask him,

> **Pentan:** Wait, wait! Hang up a second, [ Dumbledore ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albus_Dumbledore). What’re you doing?

**Ned:** Oh, he knows what [ _Harry Potter_ ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Potter) is, but he didn’t know what [ _Mulan_ ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mulan_\(1998_film\)) was. Of course.

 **Peter:** To be fair, the _Mulan_ reference was a bit vague. If you haven’t seen the movie at least twice, you wouldn’t have caught it.

 **Bruce:** And now I get it. Was it wrong of Disney to have [ Donny Osmond ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donny_Osmond) be the singing voice for an Asian character?

 **Peter:** I’d usually say that everything Disney does pertaining to characters of color is bad, but [ _Moana_ ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moana_\(2016_film\)) was kick-ass, and Donny Osmond’s Donny Osmond, so.

 **Ned:** FRIDAY, play _[I'll Make a Man Out of You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVcLIfSC4OE)_[ _._](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVcLIfSC4OE)

[Faint music; _‘Let’s get down to business, to defeat, the huns’.; ‘Did they send me daughters, when I asked for sons?’; ‘You’re the saddest bunch I’ve ever met, but you can bet before we’re through.’; ‘Mister I’ll make a man out of you.’_ ]


	18. Chapter 2 - Session 3 - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The after-effects of the Quaternity breaking into pairs continue, and It Gets Worse!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, it's ScribbleWiggy, your technical DM, your best friend, and your... alumnus member of a high school show choir. We don't just do showtunes, everyone! That's a myth!  
> I hope everyone enjoyed that short little... I dunno, not really a one-shot... drabble? Yeah, sure, enjoyed that short little drabble. I wanted to make sure I could still write narrative-style, so I figured I'd stick it in here somewhere. To keep myself doing that, on top of writing stuff that isn't 'It Gets Worse!', I'll probably be including more of those types of chapters. Maybe not in Chapter 2, necessarily, but as the campaign continues.  
> Anyway, that's enough chatting. This isn't the Money Zone.  
> I'll see y'all next week.

**Tony:** Okay, what we’re not gonna do - FRIDAY, stop the music. [music ends] Thank you.

 **Ned:** Killing my tunes.

 **Peter:** I just appreciate that we can ask for whatever song we want, and FRIDAY goes with it.

 **Tony:** She’s connected to an online search engine, and when you ask her to play a song, she manually searches for it, and then plays it using whatever streaming method is easiest to access, but that’s _not_ what we’re talking about!

 **Peter:** Yeah, you’re right. Uh, Pentan, in response to your question, the Librarian says nothing. Instead, he looks like he’s preparing another spell, and it might be another Firebolt, from the way his hands are glowing.

 **Bruce:** Peter, that’s a third level spell.

 **Peter:** Yes.

 **Bruce:** The Librarian has a higher level than both of us.

 **Peter:** Yes.

 **Tony:** Why do you sound _happy_ about that?

 **Peter:** Because that’s going to make this fight more difficult than the other one, even though there’s two of you against one of him.

 **Tony:** We get more experience, then.

 **Peter:** I dunno if you’ve noticed, Mr. Stark, but uh, everybody’s been leveling up at the same time, so.

 **Tony:** So then what’s the point?

 **Peter:** It’s fun!

 **Tony:** It is not.

 **Peter:** It’s fun for me. Uh, Doc, are you going to take an action, or what?

 **Bruce:** Uh… I guess I want to hand Stony his weapon, before I forget to do that, and then… I guess… [sighing] Okay. I am going to cast… Scorching Ray. I have to make ranged spell attacks for each, and on hits, the target is dealt… 2d6 fire damage.

 **Peter:** Okay, go for it.

 **Bruce:** Wait, wait! Is there… I don’t necessarily want to kill him, so like… is there anything I could aim a ray at that would, like, just knock him out, or whatever? I feel like we need to get some answers out of this guy.

 **Peter:** Uh, yeah, so, there’s - to sort of light up the space, a large chandelier that is littered with candles is hanging from the ceiling. You could probably, maybe, hit the chain that connects it to the ceiling, and maybe it would land on him? He’s sort of standing beneath it, you guess?

 **Bruce:** Did you not hear me when I said that I rolled a natural twenty on initiative?

 **Peter:** [amused] I did.

 **Bruce:** [sighing] Fine. I’ll aim two of the rays at the chandelier, and one at him. [dice roll] Uh, the first is 16.

 **Peter:** Yeah, that hits the chandelier.

 **Bruce:** Uh, second one is 19.

 **Peter:** Yep.

 **Bruce:** And the third one trying to hit the Librarian… is 11.

 **Peter:** That doesn’t hit. But uh… I guess roll damage on the chandelier?

 **Bruce:** I will. [dice roll] Uh, wait, do I roll 2d6 twice, then, since I hit it twice?

 **Peter:** Uhm… yes? That would make sense. ‘On a hit, the target takes 2d6 fire damage,’ so.

 **Bruce:** Okay. Uh, the first one’s seven. And the second is six.

 **Peter:** Okay, so, the chandelier takes thirteen points of fire damage, I guess. Uh, the chain connecting it to the ceiling has definitely blackened a bit, and the chandelier is swaying, but it does not fall. Although, you can hear it creaking, like it’s thinking about it. Stony, you’re next.

 **Tony:** Okay, I’m going to walk a large circle around the falling vicinity of the chandelier, to get closer to the Librarian, and then take a swing at him with my rapier.

 **Peter:** Uh, what’s your speed?

 **Tony:** Thirty.

 **Peter:** Yeah, okay, that covers the distance. Go ahead and roll.

 **Tony:** 21.

 **Peter:** Ooh, yeah, okay, that hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

 **Tony:** 6.

 **Peter:** All right. Uh, so, you bring your rapier around to slice at this... old man, and uh, as your blade makes contact with him, a deafening boom echoes off the walls of the Library. And the Librarian goes flying backwards from the force of it, but you do, too, and you kind of end up ramming right into Pentan, and you both fall down the stairs leading into the, uh, lower levels of the Library.

You don’t go very far down them, and you sort of recover on maybe the third floor down. Uh, and Stony, your head is just… it’s spinning, but you don’t feel as though you took any damage from that.

> **Stony:** Woof. Magic’s nuts.
> 
> **Pentan:** Mm, yeah, say it again for the people in the back. I’d say that was definitely the sword letting you know that you’ve got magic in you. Congratulations.
> 
> **Stony:** I think we have a problem, though.
> 
> **Pentan:** What’s that?

**Peter:** Uh, from the main floor of the Library, you hear the Librarian, just, like, straight up scream. It is horrifying.

> **Stony:** I just inadvertently made us do what he didn’t want me to do.
> 
> **Pentan:** Come down the stairs?

**Peter:** A ball of fire hurdles itself past where you’re standing on the landing of the third floor, and trails a red streak further down into the darkness.

> **Stony:** Yeah.

**Peter:** Uh… cut back to the other two? Does that sound good?

 **Steve:** Yeah, please.

 **Peter:** Okay, so, it’s Garrick’s turn, now, I think, and he’s going to pull out his dagger, and kind of gesture towards the orange-haired woman with his chin.

> **Garrick:** Focus on that one. I want to keep this one alive.
> 
> **Gray:** All right!

**Peter:** And then he approaches where Scarface had stumbled to, after missing his hit, and he turns around just in time to see Garrick take a swing at him. [dice roll] And that’s a 23, which definitely hits. And he does eight damage. So, uh, Garrick does this sick shit where he, like, slices at Scarface’s knee, bringing him down, and then, he like, uses the end of his other dagger to smack him in the center of the forehead, which uh, promptly knocks him out.

Leaving just the other two to deal with. Uh, and it is Jak’s turn, once again.

 **Ned:** All right, I’m just gonna finish off this archer, then. [dice roll] Also a 23.

 **Peter:** Hit.

 **Ned:** Yeah, right. [dice roll] Ten damage.

 **Peter:** Okay, uh, he still looks pretty all right, but you did manage to stun him again, which gives him a disadvantage as he pulls out his dagger to try and slash at you. [dice roll] His lowest was a nine; I’m assuming that’s lower than your AC.

 **Ned:** Way lower.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh, then, Gray. Your turn.

 **Steve:** All right, I’ve redirected my attention towards the orange-haired woman, then. And I’m going to try to hit her with my sword.

 **Peter:** Okay.

 **Steve:** Uhm… [dice roll] 21.

 **Peter:** That’s definitely a hit.

 **Steve:** Great. Uh, so, damage… is… seven.

 **Peter:** Yeah, all right, you manage to get a nice cut across her arm. And… since Scarface is down for the count, it is her turn, actually, and so she’s going to take a stab at you with her daggers… Uh, that’s an 18?

 **Steve:** Against AC - that hits.

 **Peter:** Really?

 **Steve:** Yeah, I only have a 14.

 **Peter:** Uhm, yikes. Okay. We’re gonna need to remedy that, I think, ‘cause I can’t give you the enemies I want you to face off against with such low AC numbers. Anyway. [dice roll] She deals you five damage.

 **Steve:** Okay.

 **Peter:** And we’re back to Garrick, who is going to use his action to tie up Scarface, to make sure he is incapable of doing anything when he wakes up. And back to Jak.

 **Ned:** Cutting at the ranger, again. [dice roll] 24.

 **Peter:** Yep, and another stun.

 **Ned:** This weapon might be a bit overpowered.

 **Peter:** Mm, I’d agree… except that you only stun enemies if you manage to get a roll 3 plus higher than their AC. You’ve just managed to do that this entire time.

 **Ned:** Oh, okay. [dice roll] Ten, again.

 **Peter:** All right, uh, you give your axe one last, big swing, with a lot of power behind it, and your blade connects with the ranger’s chest, and uh, when you pull your axe free, he slumps to his knees, and then to the ground, dead.

 **Ned:** That might be my first kill. I don’t think I killed the owlbear.

 **Peter:** I honestly don’t remember who killed the owlbear, either. Uh, anyway, Gray.

 **Steve:** Just gonna finish this fight off, huh?

 **Peter:** Might as well.

 **Steve:** Okay. [dice roll] I’m hitting her again.

 **Peter:** Right, I expected that.

 **Steve:** Uhm, it was a 19.

 **Peter:** Yep, that hits.

 **Steve:** Great. [dice roll] 11 damage!

 **Peter:** Nice one. She… looks a little stunned, seeing that her ranger friend is dead, and her other guy is tied up and currently being watched over by Garrick, and so she, just, sort of panics, and turns to run away. And as she’s running, Gray, you’re going to get an attack of opportunity on her.

 **Steve:** Oh, nice! Okay, so I can just hit her again?

 **Peter:** Yep.

 **Steve:** All right. [dice roll] That was only a ten.

 **Peter:** That is not going to do it. Okay, so she manages to get away from you, and turns tail, running away up the road. Uh, and Garrick is going to pull out his bow, and fire an arrow after her. [dice roll] Damn right he gets a 23. And he deals her… eight damage, which, uh, is enough to knock her down, and she does not try to get back up.

 **Ned:** Is she still alive?

 **Peter:** Yes, she is attempting to crawl away, kind of off of the road into the trees.

 **Steve:** Okay, can I -

 **Peter:** We’re still technically in combat, which means it’s Ned’s turn. Sorry, Cap.

> **Jak:** Where do you think you’re going?

**Ned:** And I go after her, and kind of, like, stand over her kind of cool-like - I’m sure this was a thing on [ Walking Dead](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Walking_Dead_\(TV_series\)), or something, at one point, where the camera pans up from the position of the person on the ground, and like -

 **Peter:** [interrupting] And you’re backlit by the sun?

 **Ned:** Yes, exactly. And I hold my axe up, and say,

> **Jak:** You gave me reason to kill you, after all. Too bad, I guess.

**Ned:** And I give her a hit.

 **Peter:** [amused] Okay.

 **Ned:** 17.

 **Peter:** Yep. And she’s stunned, not that that matters, really.

 **Ned:** 11 damage.

 **Peter:** Okay, yeah, she’s uh - you finish her off. Her blood turns the dirt around her black. And we are out of combat. You did it.

 **Steve:** I think we should thank you for that bird, because I really don’t know how we would have managed to get out of that situation we were in without it, or without one of us suffering serious harm.

 **Peter:** You’re welcome. And let’s head back to the Library Boys.

 **Tony:** Oh, good, I came back just in time, then.

 **Peter:** Wait, you left?

 **Tony:** I got bored, and so I went and made myself some popcorn, and now I’m back.

[Peter sighing]

 **Tony:** They won, though?

 **Bruce:** Yes, they won.

 **Ned:** Sure, we won, but actually, I got my hand cut off, and Cap’s character is missing his left ear, now.

 **Steve:** [amused] You missed a pretty good fight, Stark.

 **Peter:** _Anyway…_

 **Tony:** Wait, did all of that really happen?

 **Peter:** No, Ned still has both his hands, and Cap’s not missing either of his ears.

 **Tony:** [disappointed] Oh.

 **Bruce:** Why do you sound sad about that?

 **Tony:** I don’t know. ‘Cause then our squad would’ve had, like, a grizzled look?

 **Peter:** Can we keep going, please?

 **Bruce:** Yes. Yeah. Sorry.

 **Peter:** Okay, so, uh, Pentan and Stony are still standing on the third floor landing, and a fireball has just passed by you, down into the darkness below, which kind of indicates that the Librarian is super gonna come after you. And you’re kind of surprised by that, considering all the precious knowledge that’s down here that might end up getting destroyed, but uh, there’s really no helping that.

 **Bruce:** [ Unless… ](http://mbmbam.wikia.com/wiki/%22Brotherisms%22)

**Ned:** [ Unless…? ](http://mbmbam.wikia.com/wiki/%22Brotherisms%22)

**Bruce:** There’s a secret passageway!

 **Tony:** We’re not - this isn’t some sort of [ Nancy Drew ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nancy_Drew) book.

 **Bruce:** So? That doesn’t mean anything. Why wouldn’t there be a passage somewhere down here on the Lower Levels that would get us out of here relatively unsinged?

 **Tony:** I don’t even think we’re allowed to go looking for one, since we’re still in combat.

 **Peter:** That’s true. Nonetheless, Doc, you’re up. That fireball was the Librarian’s turn.

 **Bruce:** Uh, okay… well, first of all, how well can Stony see down here?

 **Peter:** Not too bad. There’s some… some flickering lanterns, that are always down here for people to use to read by, but other than that, there’s no real light source.

 **Bruce:** All right. Can I walk as far as I can deeper into the third floor?

 **Peter:** Yes.

 **Bruce:** I do that.

 **Peter:** Okay, so you leave Stony where he is on the landing, and head further into the third floor, walking between the two closest bookshelves. And, oddly, they stretch kind of far in? Like, you go thirty feet, and there’s still more bookshelves, ahead of you.

 **Bruce:** Does it look never-ending?

 **Peter:** [ Your elf eyes ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9RJbvg1xqE) can’t see that far, so you don’t know.

 **Bruce:** Mm. Okay. Could I… I don’t really know why I’m going to do this, but I’d like to cast detect magic.

 **Peter:** Okay, sure. Can you read me the description of what that does, so I don’t give away too much or too little information?

 **Bruce:** [reading] “For the duration, you sense the presence of magic within 30 feet of you. If you sense magic in this way, you can use your action to see a faint aura around any visible creature or object in the area that bears magic, and you learn its school of magic, if any.”

 **Peter:** So… you can sense… well, you just light up like a damn Christmas tree, because of your wand and spellbook, but you can also, when you look over your shoulder, you can see the faint glow of Stony’s sword, Convergence. And quite a few books on the shelves around you also seem to be glowing, as though there’s some kind of magic imbued within them as well.

But, ahead of you, about fifteen feet away, you see what, you think, might be some sort of lever.

 **Bruce:** [quietly] I knew it!

 **Tony:** Uh, I’d like to join him as soon as humanly possible.

 **Peter:** [amused] Yeah, I thought you might. Uh, okay, Stony walks his own speed of thirty feet and joins Pentan. And from behind you both, you hear the Librarian’s sort of labored breathing as he makes his way down to the third floor himself. And uh, he catches sight of the two of you, further away, and he curses.

> **The Librarian:** [mumbled] Queen’s not gonna be happy about this.
> 
> **Stony:** Whoops, sorry, did you just mention the queen?
> 
> **Pentan:** What about the queen?
> 
> **The Librarian:** Nothing. It’s none of your business. Now, get over here, so that I can smoke the two of you out.
> 
> **Pentan:** Mm, how do you feel about that idea, Stony?
> 
> **Stony:** To be real, I don’t like it.
> 
> **Pentan:** Yeah, me either.

**Bruce:** And I would like to try and cast Charm Person on him.

[Ned laughing]

 **Peter:** [amused] Okay? What’s that - uh - could you read the description of that spell for the class?

 **Bruce:** “You attempt to charm a humanoid you can see within range. It must make a Wisdom saving throw, and does so with advantage if you or your companions are fighting it. If it fails the saving throw, it is charmed by you until the spell ends or until you or your companions do anything harmful to it. The charmed creature regards you as a friendly acquaintance. When the spell ends, the creature knows it was charmed by you.”

 **Peter:** All right, then. So, wisdom saving throw against your spell DC, right?

 **Bruce:** That’s how it works, I think.

 **Peter:** All righty. [dice roll] Oop, that was a 12.

 **Bruce:** And my DC is 14!

 **Peter:** Right, so uh, you successfully manage to charm the Librarian. And uh, he blinks, a couple of times, before he seems to realize that his hands are glowing with more fire, and he quickly slips them into his robes, as though to try and hide the spell, before looking at you, Pentan, and he says,

> **The Librarian:** Ah, wizard! Apologies for my behavior, earlier; that was very much unlike me.
> 
> **Pentan:** Don’t worry about it; nobody got hurt, so it’s all good. But uh… do you mind me asking you to explain what that was all about?

**Peter:** He kind of shifts his weight, and looks a little embarrassed.

> **The Librarian:** I wish I could tell you, because you know you’re one of my favorite people -

[Laughter]

> **The Librarian:** [Peter laughing while speaking] But uh, I don’t think I can. I’m sorry.

**Bruce:** Well, damn. What was the point of that, then?

 **Tony:** To get him to stop throwing fire at us? That’s a pretty good reason.

 **Bruce:** Mm… yeah, I guess so. Uh, maybe - could one of us try and roll persuasion, to convince him to tell us?

 **Peter:** Uh… yeah, that might work, I guess. Uh, Doc, I’d give you advantage, since he’s been charmed by _you_ , but I imagine Mr. Stark has the higher persuasion modifier, so… it’s up to you two.

 **Bruce:** I mean, my persuasions a plus two…

 **Tony:** Yeah, and I don’t really know if I want to say anything, ‘cause it might set him off again, so, uh, you go.

 **Bruce:** Okay. [dice roll] Oh, good God I’m glad I had advantage. The first roll was a four.

[Ned inhaling sharply]

 **Peter:** And the second roll?

 **Bruce:** A 21.

[Mixed noises of relief; Ned blowing out a breath of air]

 **Peter:** Good recovery. Uh, okay, what do you say to him, then?

> **Pentan:** I think it’s only fair that we know why you were trying to kill us, don’t you think? I mean, you were going to burn the place down! What’s so important that you were willing to destroy all of this knowledge?

**Peter:** The Librarian kind of sighs to himself, and he glances around at the books that are all around him. And you can see that he looks kind of sad, all of a sudden, like you pointing it out to him had only just made him realize what might have happened. And he looks back at the two of you, and nods towards Stony.

> **The Librarian:** It was important that he not find out about his magical abilities.
> 
> **Pentan:** Why?
> 
> **The Librarian:** Because of the prophecy.
> 
> **Pentan:** Prophecy? What - what prophecy?

**Peter:** Uh, he starts to respond to you, but before he can, there is a loud sound from above you, coming from the main floor of the Library, like something hitting the ground and shattering.

 **Tony:** Shit, the chandelier.

 **Peter:** Yeah, that’s sort of exactly what the Librarian says. He goes,

> **The Librarian:** The chandelier! Oh, I need to get upstairs before the fire from the candles has a chance to spread. Uh, you can find the way out, can’t you?
> 
> **Pentan:** I mean, probably, but, listen, what was that prophecy you mentioned?

**Peter:** He’s already turned and started up the stairs again, and you hear him calling back to you,

> **The Librarian:** Come back anytime, dear wizard! There is always new knowledge to be found here at the Library!

**Peter:** And then you don’t hear him anymore.

 **Bruce:** [sighing] Well, that didn’t go as good as it could have.

 **Tony:** We learned something, at least.

 **Ned:** Yeah, uh, a prophecy? The hell, Peter.

 **Peter:** [amused] Maybe once you all meet up again, you can discuss it. But, for now, uh, we’ll say that Pentan and Stony are able to find their way out of the Library through the passage that was accessible via the lever that Pentan had spotted, and they reemerge into sunlight just outside of the city’s walls, sort of coming out from behind a pretty inconspicuous looking pile of rocks.

And now, let’s hop back over to the other boys, and that’ll be the last thing we do this session.

So, uh, Gray, Jak, and Garrick all make their way to the Legionnaire’s camp, sort of carrying Scarface between the three of them. And as you enter the camp, uh, the mercs that are sitting outside all look over at you as you pass them, carrying this bound, unconscious dude, and they all look a little confused?

And Ben spots you, from where he’s standing outside Annis’s tent, and he makes a face as he waddles over to join the three of you, as you sort of set this dude down in, like, a pile of leaves near the tent. And he says,

> **Ben:** The hell happened?
> 
> **Gray:** Kind of a long story. I think we need to talk to Annis, first, though.
> 
> **Ben:** All right, I’ll uh - I’ll go get her, I guess.

**Peter:** And he casts another look at Scarface before he turns and heads into the tent. Uhm, and as you’re waiting for him to return, Violet appears, looking a little worse for wear? Like, she has a bruise on her forehead, and she seems to be a bit dazed, but she shakes her head, a little, and frowns down at the guy.

> **Violet:** Should - I don’t even think I want to know.
> 
> **Gray:** You probably don’t. What happened to your head?
> 
> **Violet:** Fell out of a tree. I fell asleep, I guess. Uh, so, how’d Arlo’s thing go?
> 
> **Jak:** I think you might be able to tell by the fact that I’m here.
> 
> **Violet:** Not good, then?
> 
> **Gray:** Yeah, not so good. The Captain of the Watch decided to have Bennet here keep an eye on him for a while, make sure he didn’t get into anymore trouble.
> 
> **Garrick:** Not that I’d call what happened before trouble, necessarily, since I was sort of saving lives, but whatever.
> 
> **Jak:** I don’t think you want to start another fight about that.

**Peter:** Uh, he starts to reply, but before he really can say anything, Annis emerges from her tent, and hurries over to your little group, looking kind of pissed, but that sort of fades when she sees that you’re a little bit wounded, Gray. And she says,

> **Annis:** What happened?
> 
> **Gray:** Well, to make a long story short: basically Captain Fontayne sent us back here, deciding that Arlo’s punishment would be to have Bennet watch him for a while, and on our way back, we got ambushed by three people, who wanted Arlo dead.
> 
> **Annis:** Not the first time that’s happened.
> 
> **Gray:** No, but these guys… they were different.

**Steve:** And I kick the one we brought back.

> **Gray:** He had a written description, and it seemed like they were doing a job for someone, like they’d been hired.
> 
> **Annis:** Hired? Interesting. Usually the people you have problems with are man enough to come after you themselves.

**Peter:** And Garrick says,

> **Garrick:** I know, but… well.
> 
> **Gray:** You think you know who sent them.

**Peter:** Garrick doesn’t respond to that, because uh, well, because Violet actually doesn’t know that he’s the missing prince, and he doesn’t want her to know. Annis sighs to herself, and gestures with her head for Garrick to join her in her tent, before she heads back towards it.

 **Ned:** I follow.

 **Peter:** All right, and neither of them argue, although Garrick looks a little annoyed.

 **Steve:** I guess I’m gonna wait outside, and make sure the guy doesn’t do anything stupid when he comes to.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh, inside the tent, Annis turns to face both Jak and Garrick, once the flaps have close behind them, and she says,

> **Annis:** So, he knows now?

**Peter:** Garrick says,

> **Garrick:** Yeah. And so do the bard and wizard. I didn’t have any other choice.
> 
> **Annis:** And Fontayne knew who you were, too.
> 
> **Jak:** He did, which is why this one’s not in a jail cell right now. He gave me this, for you.

**Ned:** And I hand her the letter and gold that Fontayne gave me.

 **Peter:** Okay, she takes it, and examines the letter as she sort of hefts the coin purse in her other hand. When she’s done reading it, she rolls her eyes, a little, and crumbles the note into a ball in one fist. And she says,

> **Annis:** That Owen Fontayne, always passing his problems along to me, so that he doesn’t have to worry about them while he deals with something else. At least he had the sense to compensate me ahead of time, or I might have refused his request.

**Peter:** Her gaze sort of passes between you, Jak, and Garrick, before she turns her back, and walks away, towards her chair.

> **Annis:** All I ask is that you keep one another in line. I don’t care if the bard and wizard stay with us, so long as they know they’ll have to pull their weight, just like the rest of the people eating our food and sharing our tents.
> 
> **Jak:** I’m sure that won’t be a problem.

**Tony:** Hell yeah it’s going to be a problem; I don’t do manual labor!

[Bruce chuckling]

 **Peter:** [amused] Uh, Annis settles down in her chair, and she looks at Garrick again, and says,

> **Annis:** So, who wants you dead, but is too much of a coward to face you themselves?
> 
> **Garrick:** I think it might be my brother.
> 
> **Annis:** The king? Interesting. He hasn’t bothered you thus far, and he’s been on the throne for almost three years; surely he must know by now that you’re no threat to him.
> 
> **Garrick:** I’d think so, too. And I don’t see why he’d want me dead, even if I was. Everyone knows he hates the throne. He’d probably be grateful if I tried to take it from him, hand it to me on a silver platter with a side of chocolate.
> 
> **Jak:** So there’s probably more to it than that. Something more important than the throne.
> 
> **Garrick:** Gideon doesn’t have anything more important than the throne.
> 
> **Jak:** So far as you know. He obviously thinks you’re a threat in some way.
> 
> **Garrick:** Maybe he doesn’t think I’m a threat at all.
> 
> **Gray:** What do you mean?
> 
> **Garrick:** I mean, maybe my brother has no desire to see me dead. Maybe someone who has influence over my brother does, and convinced him to send the assassins.
> 
> **Jak:** Calling them assassins is being kind, but… you might have a point. I don’t suppose you have any way of confirming that, do you?
> 
> **Garrick:** [sighing] No. Any definite contacts I would have had at the castle were killed once I left, my father made sure of that. [Pause] Well, we do have one source of information, I suppose.
> 
> **Jak:** Right.

**Peter:** And, back outside in the main part of the tent, we see that Scarface is beginning to awaken. He lets out a quiet moan, and then his eyes flutter. And when he realizes that he’s bound, he starts to wriggle, as though trying to free himself.

 **Steve:** I’d like to lean over him, so that he can see me, and say,

> **Gray:** So much for your ‘eyes around camp’, eh big guy?

**Ned:** Cool line, Cap.

 **Steve:** [pleased] Thanks. It probably would’ve worked better if he’d been the orange-haired lady, but you can’t win ‘em all.

 **Tony:** Fuck! Dammit!

 **Peter:** Whoa, what warrants that kind of language?

 **Tony:** [groaning] I just spilled all my popcorn all over the goddamn floor.

[Bruce laughing]

 **Tony:** FRIDAY, get a bot in here to clean up this mess!

 **Peter:** Why can’t you do it yourself?

 **Tony:** Because, I don’t do manual labor.

[Ned sighing]

 **Steve:** I hope you don’t step on any of them; crushed popcorn doesn’t leave carpet for anything.

 **Peter:** And that’s the end of the session!

 **Tony:** This is why I don’t eat popcorn; it gets in your teeth, and you spill it all over the place!

~ END OF TRANSMISSION - LOGGED NOVEMBER 30th ~


	19. Chapter 2 - Session 4 - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Quaternity elects to interrogate Scarface, one of the guys that tried to kill Garrick last session, and It Gets Worse!

~ START OF TRANSMISSION - AVENGERS COMPOUND - DECEMBER 15th ~

 **Peter:** Can I just say, before we begin, that I’m very fucking glad that my finals are over, and that I can now spend quite a bit of my time here at the Compound for the next month?

 **Tony:** Redact the f-word, and I’ll allow it.

 **Bruce:** You say the f-word all the time.

 **Tony:** Pete’s a small boy; language like that should not be part of his vocabulary.

 **Peter:** I’m in my twenties!

 **Ned:** You know whose vocabulary the f-word doesn’t belong in? Cap’s.

 **Steve:** I’m an Irish Catholic from Brooklyn; the f-word is the _only_ word in my vocabulary.

**Tony:** Also! Happy Early Birthday to… Bruce! What’re you gonna be, 21, 22? 

[Bruce chuckling] 

**Steve:** [amused] Happy Early Birthday, Doc. 

**Ned:** Happy Early Birthday! I will jump out of a cake if properly compensated to do so, so… keep that in your back pocket, eh? 

**Peter:** Oh, Jesus. Happy Early Birthday, Doctor Banner. Anyway. We can literally play D&D every day from now until, like, Christmas. And maybe even on Christmas, since everybody’s gonna hang out at the Compound.

 **Ned:** Even my family! Which is going to be interesting, if Thanksgiving was any indication.

 **Tony:** I liked meeting your mom, Ned.

 **Peter:** And I think Aunt May appreciated having someone else who didn’t really understand what the heck was going on around, too. Created some solidarity.

 **Ned:** That’s good. I’ll let her know, so she doesn’t feel so weird about Christmas.

 **Tony:** Everybody’s welcome, so long as they know something about confidentiality when it comes to Peter.

 **Peter:** [sighing] I -

 **Steve:** Let’s Dungeons and Dragons.

 **Bruce:** Yes, let’s.

 **Peter:** All right, uh, so, couple of weeks ago, we had a double battle, which was kinda fun, I thought. Uh, Jak and Gray, you two were ambushed in the woods while you were with Garrick, by three people who apparently had been hired to kill him. And Pentan and Stony, you two were attacked by the Librarian, while you were at the Library, and you learned from him that it seems as though the king did not want Stony to find out he had magical abilities, because of some prophecy.

Uh, and Jak and Gray brought back one of the people that ambushed them to the Legionnaires’ camp, to get information out of him, and Pentan and Stony were making their way back to the camp themselves. And they arrive just as Jak and Gray, along with Garrick, are getting the dude you captured straightened up, and ready for questioning.

And that is where we will begin.

 **Tony:** Okay, I’m assuming Bruce and I are allowed to join the other boys for the fun interrogation session?

 **Peter:** Yeah, of course.

 **Tony:** Great, I do that.

 **Bruce:** Ooh, me too!

 **Peter:** [amused] ‘kay. The two of you head towards where you spot the other three sort of hidden behind a tent, to like, conceal their activities, since they’re gonna be asking questions that the rest of the mercs don’t need to hear. They have propped up their boy, Scarface, as we took to calling him last time, up on a box, still tied up, and he is glaring at all three of them, pretty vilely. He does not appreciate the situation that you have put him in. And he says,

> **Scarface:** If you think I’m gonna tell you anything, you’re wrong.
> 
> **Jak:** Mm, we’ll see. Oh, hey boys. Took you awhile to get back.
> 
> **Stony:** Yeah, uh, long story. What’s happening here?
> 
> **Gray:** He attacked us in the woods with two buddies; we killed them.
> 
> **Jak:** I killed them.
> 
> **Garrick:** Children, please, we have a torture session to get to.
> 
> **Pentan:** Wait, wait, wait! Torture? No, no, no, darling, no torture. That isn’t how you get information.
> 
> **Garrick:** Well, what do you suggest, then, wizard?
> 
> **Pentan:** I think we should give Songbird a chance to practice his newly found magic!
> 
> **Jak:** Newly found - wait, you _can_ use magic, then?
> 
> **Stony:** It appears so.
> 
> **Gray:** Why weren’t you casting spells this whole time?
> 
> **Stony:** I didn’t know that I _could_. And apparently, I never should have found out, either, considering the Librarian tried to kill me to avoid that.
> 
> **Jak:** Sorry, the Librarian tried to kill you?
> 
> **Stony:** Like I said, long story. We can talk about it later. What are we trying to figure out from this one?
> 
> **Garrick:** Who sent him to kill me.
> 
> **Scarface:** Surely you’re smart enough to take a guess.
> 
> **Jak:** Yes, but our guess is that there’s more to the story, and we feel as though you might have that extra information.
> 
> **Pentan:** So, Songbird, what do you say?
> 
> **Stony:** … what do I say to what?
> 
> **Pentan:** Giving some magic a try!
> 
> **Stony:** Oh, uh… no? I don’t think that’s a good idea; this seems to be kind of important, and I really don’t want to mess it up.

**Steve:** Whoa! What? Tony doesn’t want to mess something up for everybody else, for _once?_

 **Tony:** It’s the holidays; I’m trying to be giving. Anyway, what magic do you think I’m going to be able to cast, Bruce?

 **Bruce:** Just a little Charm Person, like I did last time. You don’t even have to roll anything.

 **Tony:** No, I understand that, but -

 **Bruce:** How high is your spellcasting DC?

 **Tony:** I dunno.

 **Peter:** Yes, you do. We worked on updating your character sheet so that you’d be able to do magic, now. What’s your DC?

 **Tony:** [sighing] Uh… 14, I guess.

 **Bruce:** Okay, so it’s the same as mine. Peter would have to roll an intelligence saving throw to see whether or not you charm him. And how intelligent can this guy be?

 **Peter:** Not very. What do you say, Mr. Stark?

 **Ned:** Might as well give it a try, now.

 **Tony:** All right, all right, I’ll - I guess I _cast_ Charm Person.

 **Peter:** Okay! [dice roll] And that’s an eight, which means you’ve charmed him.

 **Tony:** Oh, really? That was super easy. Okay.

 **Peter:** So, Scarface looks really confused for about three seconds, before his eyes kind of get a glassy look to them, and he smiles at you, Stony, and he says,

> **Scarface:** Hey, man. I remember seeing one of your performances; you were real good!
> 
> **Stony:** Thanks, I appreciate that. Always nice to hear from a fan.

**Peter:** He kind of pulls against his bindings, and then he frowns a little, before glancing around at all the rest of you, and when he sees Garrick, he kind of inhales, a little, and looks back at you, Stony, and he says,

> **Scarface:** You’re friends with that guy, huh?
> 
> **Stony:** Kind of, yeah. He was just telling me about how you tried to kill him. Wanna explain that?
> 
> **Scarface:** [sighing] It wasn’t because I wanted to. I’m sort of low on gold, presently, and the person who hired me really wants him dead, and was willing to pay a pretty nice sum of gold if I took him out.
> 
> **Stony:** And who was the guy that hired you?
> 
> **Scarface:** I really shouldn’t say.
> 
> **Stony:** I really think you should. My friends aren’t happy that you tried to kill them, and I don’t know if they’ll be very friendly later on if you don’t tell us why they almost wound up dead.

**Peter:** Uh, Scarface sighs pretty heavily, and examines the ground.

> **Scarface:** Apparently, the king thinks that he had a brother, at some point. Well, I guess he doesn’t think it, he _knows_ it, and we don’t for some reason? Because I can’t ever remember there being another prince. Anyway, he wanted us to find the guy, and take him down. We didn’t ask questions, obviously; that sort of  
>  thing isn’t something we worry about. We just do what we’re asked to do, and we get paid for it when we do it right. I was hoping to confirm him actually being the prince, but he wouldn’t give it up. Not that that was going to stop me from killing him, anyway. Again, very strapped for cash.
> 
> **Jak:** Okay, so, the king gave you the job, then?
> 
> **Scarface:** No, no. One of his advisors did, but they said the job was coming straight from the king. The head of the Spies and Information squad, y’know? The one who could get in touch with someone like me indiscreetly.
> 
> **Jak:** So, as far as you know, it was the king’s desire that his “brother” be killed. You don’t know why.

**Peter:** He shakes his head.

> **Jak:** Shit. That’s not helpful at all.
> 
> **Gray:** Well, we know now that the king didn’t exactly hand out the order himself; maybe if we can somehow get intouch with this advisor, he can tell us more.
> 
> **Pentan:** Not if he’s loyal to the king.

**Peter:** Uh, Garrick tilts his head, a little, indicating that you all should step off to the side with him, so that this assassin won’t hear what you have to say about all this.

 **Steve:** Oh, right. That’s probably a good call.

 **Tony:** Why? I mean, we’re going to end up just killing him, aren’t we?

 **Ned:** I don’t - I mean, I don’t think that’s the best option, but I’m not really sure what else we have.

 **Bruce:** We can discuss that later.

 **Peter:** Right. Once you’re all out of earshot of Scarface, uh, Garrick sort of shakes his head.

> **Garrick:** If the Advisor of Knowledge is who it was when I left, we won’t have any problem getting any information they can give us. They were one of the people at court I was closer to, before I left. I don’t know if they would have been replaced, though.
> 
> **Gray:** Okay, so we should try and find out if they’ve still got the job, and then try to get in touch with them.
> 
> **Garrick:** I don’t know if it will be that simple; having them get me information will be easy. Getting in contact with them won’t be.
> 
> **Jak:** You think their mail is checked?
> 
> **Garrick:** It’s a possibility, especially since the higher ups know we were friends. It would have been easier to displace them, but I don’t know if my father would have wanted to go through the trouble of finding someone to become the new advisor. Experts in tracking down information and creating a network of spies are not easy to come by. Gideon especially wouldn’t have wanted to deal with finding someone new.

**Bruce:** Okay, wait. So… there’s a guy whose part of the king’s court that is in charge of spying on people and collecting information?

 **Peter:** Basically, yeah. The king’s court is made up of five different advisors on different subjects, and they help the king rule. Like, there’s the advisor for information, there’s an advisor for magic, an advisor for military - that isn’t really the right word, but it works. Uh, there’s one for economics, and there’s one for law keeping and creation.

 **Tony:** Mm, sounds very reminiscent of [ _Game of Thrones_](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Game_of_Thrones) _,_ Pete.

 **Peter:** Yes, it is, because _fuck_ , making up a court system was difficult, and this campaign is going to get pretty tied up in that sort of thing, so I needed to come up with something. I tried to add in some variability where I could; obviously there’s no Grand Maester, and there’s no Hand of the King, either. All of these people have their specialties, sure, but they all sort of advise the king on any aspect he requires them too. Like, if there’s some sort of dispute about landholdings or whatever, the king can ask any of them for advice, because none of them specialize in that sort of thing.

And then, if the king can’t sit in at court or whatever, there’s not really a hierarchy for who’s acting ruler in that scenario. They just sort of sit as a panel, and deal with it that way. There’s differences, which I painstakingly added in when I realized just how closely it resembles the [ Small Council](https://awoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/Small_council).

 **Ned:** The campaign’s going to get tied up in the court system?

 **Peter:** Yeah, if it goes the way I hope it will.

 **Steve:** Oddly, it seems that several of the positions in court are suited pretty closely to what a couple of us specialize in…

 **Peter:** No, no, we’re not going to hypothesize about my plans right now; we’re dealing with an issue.

 **Tony:** It isn’t necessarily our issue, since no one wants _us_ dead.

 **Bruce:** What are you even talking about? the Librarian literally just tried to kill you in order to keep you from finding out you’re magical.

 **Tony:** … true, but we dealt with that, and I don’t have any plans of going back to the Library, so…

 **Steve:** Before we continue, may I point out how on the nose it is that Tony’s first spell was ‘Charm Person’?

 **Peter:** [amused] That is very good.

 **Ned:** Ooh! Ooh! [ Boop-ba-doop-ba-doop-boop ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAWpVR5mJNQ) \- Fantasy Theory Watch! I have - I have a theory.

 **Peter:** I literally just said we’re not hypothesizing!

 **Ned:** But, but! This is super good! What if there’s some sort of connection between this prophecy thing the Librarian mentioned to you guys, and the reason for whoever higher-up suddenly wanting Garrick dead? What if it’s all tied together based on that shift in the Balance that Annis mentioned a long time ago?

 **Steve:** ‘Shift in the Balance’? What - I don’t remember that.

 **Tony:** Yeah, neither do I.

 **Bruce:** [sighing] Why don’t you boys write anything down?

 **Steve:** I write down a lot! That particular thing probably didn’t seem important in passing.

 **Ned:** It was important enough that I wrote it down.

 **Bruce:** Me, too!

 **Tony:** Bruce, you write _everything_ down.

 **Bruce:** … I have seven PhDs!

[Peter laughing]

 **Bruce:** I think that translates to me knowing when writing something down will be worthwhile, and because I care very deeply about this campaign, I write everything down! Just because I care more than you does not mean you can make fun of me.

 **Tony:** I wasn’t making fun of you; I was just pointing out that there was no reason for you to claim that you thought more about something than Steve and I, because you literally write down everything. He - he has a _notebook_ designated for this campaign. I’m holding it right now. It’s spiral, and it’s green, and it says D &D on the front of it.

 **Bruce:** It’s a [ Handy Dandy Notebook](https://bluesclues.fandom.com/wiki/Handy_Dandy_Notebook).

 **Steve:** A _what?_

 **Ned:** Captain America doesn’t know what [ Blue’s Clues ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue%27s_Clues) is! We need to rectify this situation immediately!

 **Peter:** No, we literally don’t, uh, Blue’s Clues was a TV show that was around when Ned and I were, like, literal babies, and it taught kids how to count and tell stories and stuff. It was great. Joe was better than Steve, uh -

 **Tony:** Oh, you poor, early 2000s baby. Everyone knows that Steve was the OG.

 **Peter:** Don’t even get me started!

 **Tony:** You just think Joe was better because he was around the most when you were actually coherent enough to understand what was happening on the TV show!

 **Peter:** Okay, we’re not going to debate the merits of children’s TV show hosts right now! You have a literal captive, like, ten feet away from you, and you’re trying to figure out how to get information out of the fucking Adren castle!

 **Bruce:** Peter, can I have a bonesaw as a weapon?

[Ned exclaiming in shock]

 **Peter:** I’m sorry?

 **Bruce:** A bonesaw. I think that would be a fun weapon to have. And it’d be a callout to the fact that I’m a doctor.

 **Peter:** Not a ‘I do surgery on people’ doctor! And a bonesaw is a _scary_ weapon. You’re not [ the Medic ](https://wiki.teamfortress.com/wiki/Medic) from [ Team Fortress 2](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Team_Fortress_2)!

 **Tony:** He’s on [ Tumblr](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tumblr). Bruce.

 **Bruce:** Did you know that ‘Stony’ is what people online call a relationship between Steve and Tony?

 **Tony:** Uh, _what?_

[Peter and Ned cackling]

 **Tony:** But that’s the name of my D&D character!

 **Steve:** And I’m in a relationship with Bucky… I thought the internet knew that?

 **Tony:** I’m taking Tumblr off of the accepted websites list.

 **Bruce:** You know I’ll just be able to get around it.

[Ned gasping for breath]

 **Peter:** I - I _tried_ to tell you that your name choice was a bad one!

 **Ned:** [panting] I can’t believe it took someone this long to point it out.

 **Tony:** DM…

 **Peter:** No, you can’t change your character’s name. It’s seriously too late to do that, sorry. Can we get back to the plot of the campaign, now?

 **Tony:** I’d like to only be referred to as Ark, in character, from now on.

 **Bruce:** What about ‘Songbird’?

 **Tony:** That is almost as bad as the other one.

 **Ned:** [wheezing] He won’t even say it!

 **Steve:** To be fair, you didn’t know about it beforehand, and so it really isn’t connected.

 **Tony:** The point is that it’s the same damn word.

 **Ned:** You could always do a thing where your characters get together.

 **Tony & Steve: **NO.

 **Steve:** Gray is not in the market for a partner.

 **Tony:** And my character has warded off relationships forever, considering the environment he was raised in. His parents did not love one another, and he doesn’t think love is a real thing.

 **Peter:** Wait, really? Shit.

 **Tony:** What?

 **Peter:** I mean, I just thought - never mind. I guess I was wrong, that’s all.

 **Ned:** I think we should D&D.

 **Peter:** Yes, please?

[Tony sighing]

 **Peter:** So, uh… fuck, I completely - I don’t remember what we were talking about before everything got derailed.

 **Bruce:** Uh, we’re debating on whether or not it’ll be possible to get in touch with the advisor.

 **Peter:** Oh, yeah! Got it. Thanks, Doc.

 **Bruce:** Writing everything down.

 **Peter:** So, uh, Garrick studies the ground for a long moment, and he sighs to himself.

> **Garrick:** The easiest thing to do would be to go to the Capital, and then the castle, see if we could figure it all out in person, but… I don’t think that’s an option, considering we’re meant to stay with the Legionnaires.
> 
> **Gray:** Couldn’t we convince them to head that way?
> 
> **Garrick:** I guess… Annis will want to know why.
> 
> **Jak:** So we tell her.
> 
> **Garrick:** I don’t know if I want to do that.
> 
> **Jak:** Why the hell not?
> 
> **Garrick:** Just… she’s been keeping secrets of her own. If she won’t trust us with those, why should we trust her with this?
> 
> **Pentan:** You trusted her with your real identity.
> 
> **Garrick:** … that was a long time ago, and I didn’t have any other choice.
> 
> **Gray:** I think I’ll be able to convince her, without telling her why.

**Peter:** Oh, really?

 **Steve:** Sure. I mean, Violet and I have been part of the Legionnaires for, what, five years or so? And our parents were close to her? Why wouldn’t she accept my request?

 **Tony:** Isn’t it fair to think that, like, if you go to her and say, “We wanna go to the Capital,” she’s gonna connect two and two and figure that there’s something going on? If the Capital is where the castle is, and we have the frigging prince in our party, like, obviously there’s a reason they want to go to the Capital, and it probably has something to do with the prince.

 **Bruce:** And if it does have something to do with that Balance thing that she mentioned before, like Ned said, she could already know.

 **Ned:** Which is probably part of those secrets that Garrick thinks she’s keeping.

 **Bruce:** Speaking of, we really should resolve that whole bird thing.

 **Steve:** Oh, right. We’re all in agreement that Violet’s definitely the druid, right?

 **Ned:** For sure.

 **Steve:** And Annis… knows?

 **Tony:** Does Violet know, though?

 **Ned:** She has to, right? I mean, you don’t turn into a bird without realizing it, or intentionally doing so.

 **Steve:** Mm.

 **Ned:** What?

 **Steve:** I just - based in this particular narrative, it seems like it might be likely she doesn’t realize it. Maybe it’s a new thing.

 **Bruce:** Oh! Here’s a thought: what if Peter’s making it, like, age-based? And Annis knew that Violet was a druid beforehand, and that she was going to do her bird thing sooner rather than later, and so she was trying to figure it all out via Crit’s research before it happened?

 **Peter:** You guys, I really - this is fun, and everything, but honestly? You’re not really going to figure any of this out in character unless you do it… in character? And right now, your characters are dealing with something else entirely, so…

 **Bruce:** Right, right. He’s right. We should focus on the matter at hand for now, and then when we’re done, uh… Steve, you can confront your sister about her animal powers.

 **Steve:** I have to do everything, don’t I?

 **Ned:** We also need to figure out what we’re doing with Scarface? Since, uh, Charm Person, when the spell ends, he’s going to know that Stony charmed him, so…

 **Tony:** I think he might need to die.

 **Bruce:** Yeah, it - we’re not going to be able to figure out any better of a solution.

 **Ned:** [sighing] I guess.

 **Steve:** Wait, _what?_

 **Ned:** Well, fuck, I’m not a watchman, currently! Might as well subject myself to the horror that is the real world. And besides, I’ve already killed two people; what’s one more?

 **Peter:** Aren’t you supposed to be -

 **Ned:** If you say ‘lawful good’, I am going to come to your room, and strangle you with your headphones’ cord.

[Peter chortling]

 **Ned:** So, yeah, who wants to stab the guy?

 **Bruce:** Can’t we just, like, feed him poison, or something? It’ll feel weird, killing someone who isn’t actively trying to kill us.

 **Tony:** You’re the aspiring cook of the party, you do it.

 **Steve:** Well, hold on. Are we sure we’re done getting information out of this guy?

 **Ned:** I mean, we probably got anything useful that Peter’s willing to give us out of him. Charm Person is foolproof.

 **Tony:** Oh, God, I forgot about that. We have to wait until the charm spell fades; I’m not gonna kill him while he thinks he’s my best friend!

[Bruce wheezing]

 **Peter:** Uh, okay. I wouldn’t say he poses a serious threat, currently. I mean, he is tied up, and like, under a haze of fan appreciation for Stony, so you have some time.

 **Steve:** In that case, I’d like to go talk to Annis right now about heading to the Capital, next.

 **Peter:** All right.

 **Ned:** I will… stay behind. Keep an eye on Scarface.

 **Peter:** What about the Doc and Mr. Stark?

 **Bruce:** Uh… I guess I should go ask Varo and Omar if they can help me cook something poisoned.

 **Tony:** I will… do that, also?

 **Peter:** Fair enough. Uh, Garrick will go with you, Gray.

 **Steve:** Okay.

 **Peter:** I - mm.

 **Tony:** What?

 **Peter:** I mean, I kind of want all of you to talk to Annis together, so that we don’t have to worry about that whole one character knowing something and having to transit that information to everyone else thing, so… I guess it’s - let’s give it a minute?

 **Steve:** But isn’t the point so that Annis doesn’t know that there’s a reason behind us wanting to go to the Capital?

 **Bruce:** Does the Capital have a name?

 **Peter:** Uh, no, it’s - in true [ Hunger Games ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hunger_Games) fashion, uh, it is just the Capital. Capitalized.

 **Bruce:** Like the Library.

 **Peter:** Yeah, or the Academy. Also, it’s spelled c-a-p-i-t-a-l. I found out recently that when it’s spelled with an ‘A’, it’s the most important area in a region. Uh, with an ‘O’, it’s like, the meeting place of a government body. So, like, I guess D.C. is a capit _ol,_ because it’s where our government meets, while, like, Phoenix is a capit _al,_ because it’s the most important area in the state.

 **Ned:** Can it be argued that D.C. is the most important area of the United States, though?

[Varying sounds of disagreement from the New York natives]

 **Ned:** Oh, okay, okay. I see what’s happening here.

 **Peter:** No, uh, New York is definitely the most important area of the United States.

 **Bruce:** But there’s also Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, Virginia…

 **Tony:** Lame, overrated.

 **Steve:** New York’s the best.

[Noises of agreement from the New York natives]

 **Peter:** [amused] Uh, anyway, so… yeah, let’s wait on talking to Annis for now, because I think you’ll probably need to ask her if you can just, like, kill this dude, and then bury him somewhere in the woods? Since, like, if he’s found later on, someone might connect the dots and be like, “Oh, the Legionnaires were here a little while ago; they probably killed him.”

 **Bruce:** That’s fair. All right.


	20. Chapter 2 - Session 4 - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Quaternity learns some stuff about Gray's sister, Violet, and It Gets Worse!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody, it's ScribbleWiggy, your author, your technical DM, and your... waitress at a small town diner. I may get murdered in the middle of the night, at some point, but hey, that's just the way the hammer falls sometimes.   
> Just wanted to pop in and say thank you again to anyone who's still reading this. Even if no one is, I'm glad to be able to post it, so that if there's even one person who gets as much joy out of reading this as I do writing it, it's available to them.   
> Anyway, if you're feeling kind, please leave a comment, letting me know what you think's next for our DnD boys. It's been a long time since I had one to read, and I'd appreciate it.   
> And... that's all I had to say, so I'll let you get into reading, now. Enjoy!

**Peter:** So, uh… find something else to do.

 **Steve:** … could I go talk to Violet now?

 **Peter:** Uhm, yeah, I guess so.

 **Steve:** She’s probably in the woods, right?

 **Peter:** Yeah, uh, you actually ask someone if they’ve seen her, and they direct you to the woods, saying that she headed that way after you started your interrogation.

 **Steve:** [sighing] Okay. Uh, I go looking for her.

 **Peter:** She isn’t - she isn’t hard to find, since you’re kind of as good at navigating the woods as she is, except not really at all? Uhm, but, you find her.

She is standing on top of a fallen tree, just staring into the misty distance of the afternoon. But she hears you approach, and glances at you.

 **Steve:** All right, I say,

> **Gray:** Vi, I think we need to talk.

**Peter:** She shakes her head, and says,

> **Violet:** Later. Listen.

**Steve:** Uh… I guess I listen.

[Pause]

 **Peter:** At first, you don’t hear anything. But then, as though you broke the surface of water, the sounds of the forest come to you. Birds singing, the wind in the trees, the soft bubbling of a nearby stream. You hear all of these things, but you are absolutely positive that what you hear is different from what Violet is hearing.

Before you can say anything else to her, though, she raises her hands to her mouth, cupping it. And, unprompted, she begins to… sing? It sounds like a song, but the words are something you’ve never heard before, and there is an odd vibration in her voice that sort of sends a chill down your spine. You cannot understand what your sister is singing, but you know there is meaning to it, and definite magic as well.

And, actually, you all can hear this singing, from your varying spots, wherever you are. This music just… echos for miles, bouncing off of _nothing_ , and yet somehow reverberating throughout the entirety of the forest nonetheless. And you all can hear it, and it sounds something… like this:

[[Calling the Wild - Ancient Swedish Herding Song - Jonna Jinton](https://youtu.be/5PizR-KSlD4?t=13), stopping at 48 secs.]

 **Peter:** And, Gray, you, and really, everyone else who can hear this song, listen, absolutely mystified, as Violet’s singing echoes through the woods, stretching for miles and miles in all directions. And Gray, you watch as birds begin to appear, as though answering the call in the song that you cannot understand, but clearly, they can. And squirrels appear, and rabbits, and even an elk moves into your line of sight, although keeping a distance. Violet sings, summoning all these creatures to her, whether or not intending to.

Eventually, her song ends. She looks around at all the animals that have gathered, before turning to you. And she says,

> **Violet:** You should let me teach you how to do that.
> 
> **Gray:** What _was_ that?

**Ned:** No, Peter, seriously. What the hell did you just play for us?

 **Peter:** [amused] It’s a live recording of a druid that I caught when we were in Europe. What do you mean? No, it’s actually called ‘kulning’, and its an ancient Nordic technique that herders would use to bring their cattle in from grazing. Who you heard was [ Jonna Jinton](https://www.instagram.com/jonnajinton/?hl=en); she’s really good.

 **Tony:** [quietly] Forest goddess.

[Bruce chortling]

 **Steve:** Where’d you find this?

 **Peter:** Twitter! I scrolled by a video of Jonna singing to a herd of cows, and I thought it was the coolest. Druids can’t actually sing and summon animals, in D&D rules, but I wanted to put this in the campaign, and I can, because we’re not really playing traditional D&D with the way we’re messing with the rules, anyway.

 **Tony:** Okay, two questions: what program did you create so that you can play something for us and we can hear it, but it doesn’t play throughout the entirety of the Compound, and second, _when_ did you create a program that allows you to play something for us and we can hear it, but it doesn’t play throughout the entirety of the Compound?

 **Peter:** Mr. Stark, this is just the start of things that I’ve managed to program to suit my DMing needs. We haven’t even skimmed the surface, really. But I promise, nothing I did eff’d with the rest of the system.

 **Ned:** Fun what we learn how to do in college, isn’t it?

 **Bruce:** This lady is popular!

 **Peter:** Oh, yeah, she’s got a solid following for sure.

 **Tony:** Her content has to be for a very niche audience, though, right?

 **Ned:** Dunno; if I meditated or did yoga, that kulning stuff would be part of my playlist for sure.

 **Steve:** It - you know [ the scene in that _Lord of the Rings_ movie with the elves walking in the forest](https://youtu.be/Kzx2KQ7VM5E?t=29)? It reminds me of that.

 **Ned:** Oh, yeah, strong elvish vibes coming off of this lady.

 **Tony:** But Gray and Violet aren’t elves.

 **Peter:** No, dog, obviously not. Gray’s a human, because our party is bland as all shit, and Violet’s… obviously a druid.

 **Bruce:** Oh, druid is a _race?_  I thought it was just a class.

 **Ned:** It is just a class. Violet’s a human, too. A human druid.

 **Peter:** Yeah, yeah, you guys are right. I don’t - I’m a _bad_ DM; someone take over.

 **Ned:** Well, that can’t happen unless our character dies.

 **Peter:** Okay, uh, a comet plummets from the sky and destroys the entirety of Adren, and you all are dead, just - just like the dinosaurs. Someone come up with a new campaign, and the rest of us will roll new characters.

[Steve chuckling]

 **Tony:** If you think any of the rest of us are capable of running a campaign, you’re wrong.

 **Peter:** Aw, thanks, Mr. Stark! Although, Ned is super better at DMing than I am.

 **Ned:** Pfft, not if I had to deal with these chucklefucks.

 **Peter:** That’s fair, probably.

 **Tony:** Ned just called us _chucklefucks._ I don’t know if I should be offended, or proud.

 **Peter:** Uh, so… Violet hops down from where she was standing on the fallen tree, and sits down on it instead. And she sort of kicks around the dirt at her feet, obviously waiting for you to say something, Gray.

 **Steve:** All right. I walk over, and sit down next to her. And then I’ll say,

> **Gray:** How… how long have you known?
> 
> **Violet:** Not long.
> 
> **Gray:** What gave it away?

**Peter:** She snorts, and shrugs.

> **Violet:** It’s kind of hard to not wonder what the hell’s going on when you turn into a _bird_ just by wishing you could fly.
> 
> **Gray:** Fair enough. When - uh, does Annis know?

**Peter:** She shakes her head.

> **Gray:** You haven’t told her about the bird thing?
> 
> **Violet:** Or the rest of it. I wanted to be able to figure it all out, first.
> 
> **Gray:** I think… it might be easier, if you did tell her. I’ve got a feeling she’ll be able to help.
> 
> **Violet:** Yeah?
> 
> **Gray:** Yeah. And uh… thanks, I guess. For helping us out earlier, with those assassins. We probably wouldn’t have gotten out of there alive if you hadn’t shown up.
> 
> **Violet:** Well, if you can’t save yourself, it’s kind of my job to do it for you, right? That sibling thing.
> 
> **Gray:** [amused] That’s a good point.

**Peter:** Uh, she sort of looks around; some of the animals that her song attracted have stuck around. There’s a rabbit just sort of sitting nearby, and a pair of squirrels have gone up a tree and are hanging out there. And the birds are all over, still.

 **Steve:** The elk?

 **Peter:** Nah, he’s gone.

 **Steve:** Okay.

 **Tony:** So, birds are her thing.

 **Peter:** Yes? As exemplified by the fact that her druidic form is a bird?

 **Tony:** I’m just clarifying!

 **Bruce:** So, druids… they choose one animal that they can take the shape of, and that’s it? They can’t change their minds on that?

 **Ned:** Also, Peter, you’re bending the rules a bit, I think, because druids below level 8 aren’t supposed to be able to choose a beast that has flying ability.

 **Steve:** Violet can’t be a level eight.

 **Peter:** No, she’s not. And she’s - Violet’s never going to be a party member, or like, part of the… I guess… fabric of the overall story arc? So, she’s - she’s different, from what a normal player character or whatever would be. Her stats are different, and her abilities are different, obviously.

Uh, and, no, Doc, druids can choose what animal form they want to be. Uh, but that’s - that’s also different, for Violet? She’s only going to be a bird. She can be all kinds of different birds, but bird is her… is her thing. That’s sort of what I decided, to like, make up for the fact that she’s technically a level 4, and becoming an animal that can fly. She can do that, but she also can’t become any other kind of animal.

I don’t give stuff without taking stuff away.

 **Steve:** That makes sense.

 **Bruce:** I’m - according to the [ Roll20.net Compendium](https://roll20.net/compendium/), uh, druids are _created,_ not born. Does that factor in?

 **Peter:** Uh… I don’t - you’re not privy to that information.

 **Steve:** Is Violet?

 **Peter:** I don’t know, Cap, why don’t you _ask her?_

 **Steve:** Okay, okay. Uh, I’ll say,

> **Gray:** So… what - when did this happen?
> 
> **Violet:** I don’t know. I just - a few days ago, I was sitting in a tree, and I thought about how cool it would be to be able to fly, like a bird, and before I knew what was happening, I was… doing that? It was really, like, it was cool, obviously, but also scary? Because I don’t - it’s never happened before? And I don’t have any idea why it would have happened, either.
> 
> **Gray:** Mm… I think we need to talk to Annis about this.
> 
> **Violet:** [sighing] I guess you’re right. Even if she doesn’t know what’s going on, either, it - it wouldn’t be fair of me to keep it from her.

**Ned:** DM?

 **Peter:** Yeah.

 **Ned:** How old is Violet?

 **Peter:** She is twenty.

 **Ned:** So she was fifteen when their parents disappeared or died or whatever.

 **Peter:** Yes.

 **Bruce:** A very impressionable time in a young girl’s life.

 **Peter:** Yeah, exactly.

 **Steve:** And Annis was who we had left, and she was a big help to Violet, after it all happened.

 **Peter:** Annis is, essentially, Gray and Violet’s Aunt May.

[Mixed noises of understanding]

 **Tony:** See, that’s - that’s a great descriptor. I now understand the relationship between these two siblings and the halfling leader of the mercenary group ten times better!

 **Ned:** Also, wow, I wish I’d know about the Roll20 Compendium beforehand, because _this_ has a _lot_ of useful information!

 **Peter:** You didn’t know about the _Compendium?_ It’s what I’ve used for years; I’ve never actually bought the Player’s Handbook, which is something I should invest money in but… eh, y’know?

 **Ned:** Yeah, the only reason I have the 4th Edition version is because there’s a free PDF of it online. But that doesn’t really help me, since we’re playing a rendition of 5e.

 **Tony:** Do I need to buy everybody the 5e Handbook?

 **Peter:** I mean… nah. We’re doing all right without it.

 **Steve:** [quietly] Are we? I’m just now finding out that I have have a thing called Action Surge, which means I’m allowed to do two actions during my turns?

 **Peter:** You… didn’t know that? Uh-oh.

 **Steve:** If I’d known about it, I probably would’ve used it, Peter!

 **Ned:** At least he managed to do his archetype correctly?

 **Peter:** And now he knows about Action Surge.

 **Steve:** [mumbled] It would’ve been nice to know about it a month ago.

 **Tony:** I mean, you know now, so.

 **Bruce:** Yeah, it’s fine. It isn’t as though you’ve been knocked unconscious or died or anything because you didn’t know about it.

 **Steve:** [sighing] I guess.

 **Bruce:** So, uh…

 **Peter:** Yeah, are you and Violet going to head back to camp, then, Gray?

 **Steve:** Oh, sure, I guess so. Violet probably wants to talk with Annis, get it out of the way, right?

 **Peter:** Uh, yeah, we’ll say that the two of you head back to the camp, and uh, Violet heads for the main tent. She pauses, though, and glances over her shoulder at you, like, _You coming or what?_

 **Steve:** Oh, yeah, I’m definitely going with her.

 **Peter:** Okay, uh, and… the rest of you, you see Gray and Violet head into the tent.

 **Bruce:** Probably isn’t our place to try and listen in, is it?

 **Ned:** I’m gonna say no, yeah.

 **Tony:** Doesn’t mean we can’t try, though. I go over to the tent, and try to hear whatever’s going on inside.

[Peter sighing]

 **Bruce:** What do you gain from doing that?

 **Tony:** … Nothing. But I want to try, because I have a plus four to my stealth skill.

 **Peter:** Okay, sure. You creep up to the tent, and kind of lean close to it. Go ahead and make a stealth check. Uh, Cap, if you want to roll perception, to see if you realize he’s listening in, you can do that, too. I’ll roll for Violet and Annis, too.

 **Tony:** I got a 22.

 **Ned:** Oh, shit.

 **Peter:** Mm, yeah, uh, Annis got a 15, and Violet got an 18.

 **Steve:** [dice roll] I got a 15, too.

 **Peter:** All right, so, yeah, Mr. Stark, you can hear everything that’s going on inside this tent.

 **Tony:** Rock ‘n’ roll.

 **Peter:** Okay, so, inside the tent, uh, Annis looks up from the map that she’s studying, and seeing the two of you together, kind of sighs to herself.

> **Annis:** This can’t be good. What is it?
> 
> **Gray:** I think we need to talk to you about something pretty serious, something that you might be able to help us with.

**Peter:** Uh, she looks at Violet.

> **Annis:** Do you?

**Peter:** And Violet sort of kicks at the ground, as though she doesn’t really know what to say.

 **Steve:** Can I nudge her, with my elbow, sort of in a comforting way?

 **Peter:** Yeah. She glances at you, and then she looks at Annis, and worries her bottom lip with her teeth, before she says,

> **Violet:** I think there might be something wrong with me.
> 
> **Gray:** No, it’s nothing like that.
> 
> **Violet:** Sure it is. I can turn into a fucking bird, Gray.

**Peter:** And Annis curses, under her breath, before walking around the table to join the two of you where you’re standing. She looks between the two of you for a second, and then she sighs again, and says,

> **Annis:** Listen, this is something that… something that your mother and I never wanted for you, Violet. Your father didn’t, either, but he was a little less interested in trying to do something to fix it.
> 
> **Violet:** Fix _what?_
> 
> **Annis:** … You’re a druid, Violet. When you were very young, a cult of them kidnapped you, and… well, did their magic, and… you became part of their circle. That’s what they called it, anyway. Your father and mother had to take you back; they did not want to give you to us. They seemed to think you were born for their lifestyle.
> 
> In any case, your parents saved you, and we all wondered when you would start to show signs that you’d been affected by the magic that they’d cast on you. When your parents went missing, I knew that I needed to do what I can could, learn what I could, so that I could prepare myself for whatever happened to you.

**Peter:** Uh, Annis glances at you, Gray, and says,

> **Annis:** I was having Crit do research for me, into druids. The information on the order is very safeguarded; I hadn’t been able to find much on my own. In return, I told him we’d remove the orcs from the forest, since he was positive their proximity was affecting his spellcasting. I doubt he had any idea what he was talking about, but I needed his research.
> 
> **Gray:** Why didn’t you tell any of this to us?
> 
> **Annis:** I didn’t want you to worry, before it was necessary. I’m not entirely sure what this magic means for you, Violet, but I promise that I’m going to do whatever I can to help you.

**Peter:** Uh, Violet is staring at the ground. She - Gray, you can easily tell that she is having a hard time processing this information. Her shoulders are tense, and she sort of looks like she’s about to start crying.

 **Steve:** I reach out and touch her shoulder.

> **Gray:** Vi -

**Peter:** Uh, before you can do that, she flinches away from you, pretty violently, and then turns and leaves the tent, stalking right past where Stony is leaning towards it, trying to listen in. And as she walks by, Stony, you can see that she is definitely not okay.

 **Tony:** Uh, I want to move away from the tent as quickly as humanly possible, so that Gray and Annis don’t see me, if they decide to follow her.

 **Steve:** I don’t think I’m going to. I know her well enough to realize that she needs time alone to process.

 **Peter:** Yeah, Annis watches Violet go, and then she bows her head.

> **Annis:** I should have told her.
> 
> **Gray:** Someone should have, definitely. Why don’t I remember this happening?
> 
> **Annis:** Well, you were young, too, Gray. It was a frightening experience. I’m sure you blocked it out of your memories, because of how upsetting it was.
> 
> **Gray:** Did you manage to learn anything useful?
> 
> **Annis:** No, unfortunately. Crit was still gathering information for me, when you and your new friends embarked on your escapade into his home.
> 
> **Gray:** So the information should still be there, technically. We could go get it.
> 
> **Annis:** If you like. It would be helpful for your sister.
> 
> **Gray:** Right. Okay.

**Steve:** I turn to leave the tent.

 **Peter:** Before you go outside, Annis says,

> **Annis:** I am sorry, Gray. I know everything would have been much easier if I’d said something before now.
> 
> **Gray:** Yeah, well, you didn’t.

**Steve:** And I leave.

 **Peter:** All right.

 **Tony:** Meanwhile, I have been telling all of this to Pentan and Jak.

[Bruce chuckling]

 **Steve:** No, that’s okay. I would’ve told them eventually, anyway. I’m probably going to want them to come with me back to the illusionist’s house, and I could try to lie, but… eh.

 **Peter:** [amused] I guess that’s fine?

 **Steve:** [pause] Maybe I’ll ask Violet if she’s okay with them knowing, first.

 **Peter:** Yeah, that might be the best thing to do! Character-wise, anyway.

 **Steve:** Yeah, all right, fair enough. But I’m gonna give her a while to cool down, first.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh… we’ll say that almost an hour’s passed, since Mr. Stark cast Charm Person. Uh, the assassin, Scarface, has just sort of been dozing off, sitting in place with his hands bound, but now, he sort of jerks awake, as the effects of the spell start to wear off, and he looks around at all of you - well, who’s still nearby?

 **Bruce:** Uh, we all are, I’m guessing?

 **Ned:** Yeah, I definitely am.

 **Steve:** I went back over to them when I was done in the tent.

 **Tony:** Yeah, and I was already there, when Gray came back.

 **Peter:** All right, and I’ll say that Garrick didn’t go very far, either, and when he sees Scarface waking up, he comes back over as well, and says,

> **Garrick:** Guess we should figure out what to do about him.
> 
> **Jak:** Well, he did try to kill us. Might as well return the favor, right?
> 
> **Stony:** Wowie, you’ve been a mercenary for, like, eight seconds, and you’ve already got a blood lust.
> 
> **Jak:** Believe it or not, I have a feeling this guy deserves death, so -
> 
> **Pentan:** Makes you more susceptible to that suggestion, huh?
> 
> **Jak:** Yeah.
> 
> **Gray:** Fuck it; let’s kill him.
> 
> **Scarface:** Wait, wait, wait, hold on a second, boys. I think we should talk about this real quick. People will come looking for me, if I just… disappear. They know I was coming after your boy, here. They’ll know I was near here, the last time anybody saw me. They’ll come looking.
> 
> **Gray:** That won’t matter; we’re not known to stick around in the same place for long, either.
> 
> **Scarface:** Don’t you want a familiar face around, when you go asking questions at the Capital?
> 
> **Jak:** The last face we want around is yours, pal.

**Ned:** And uh, I want to whack him over the back of the head with something, to knock him out again.

 **Peter:** All right. Just - do you want to do damage?

 **Ned:** Mm, I mean, I won’t be _upset_ if I do damage.

 **Peter:** Fair. Uh, okay. Go ahead and roll a strength check, I guess. Are you just, like, hitting him with the butt of your axe, or whatever?

 **Ned:** Sure, that works. [dice roll]

 **Peter:** How about you just add half your strength, then?

 **Ned:** Okay, uh, in that case, I rolled a… plus two, or plus one? My strength is three.

 **Peter:** Uh, 1.5.

 **Ned:** [amused] Okay. I rolled a 15.5.

 **Peter:** Yeah, that’s enough to knock him out. And roll a d4.

 **Ned:** [laughing] Four!

 **Peter:** Okay! You deal four damage, too.

 **Bruce:** This guy’s really getting it, isn’t he?

 **Peter:** Yeah, uh, and he’s unconscious, once again, meaning that you all no longer have him as part of your discussion.

 **Tony:** Okay, I turn to everybody else, and I say,

> **Stony:** Listen, I think we might only have this one choice. I know that it’s probably the most boring way to take care of this issue, but I can’t really think of any other option.
> 
> **Pentan:** As long as no one has any problems with it… what are we waiting for?
> 
> **Jak:** Well, hang on. He did… I don’t know if he meant what he said, about people coming to look for him, but maybe we should take that into consideration.
> 
> **Stony:** Yeah, and do what instead?
> 
> **Jak:** Well, I don’t know. Robes, do you have any sort of spell that can, like, wipe his memory, or something?
> 
> **Pentan:** Uh… I will let you know… in about… two minutes… while I search through my list of spells…

[Ned laughing]

 **Peter:** I’m gonna say that he probably doesn’t have anything like that, considering he can still only cast level 2 spells, and his college of magic is Evocation.

 **Bruce:** I have something where I can read his thoughts? Would that help us find out if he meant it, about other people knowing where he went and coming to look for him?

 **Ned:** Oh, yeah!

 **Peter:** Why - hang on, why do you know… is this Detect Thoughts?

 **Bruce:** Uh, yes.

 **Peter:** [amused] Why did you learn a Divination spell?

 **Bruce:** Well, because I thought it would come in handy, DM!

 **Peter:** [sighing] I mean, if you want to cast it on him, you can, but -

 **Tony:** Well, what? Do you want us to just kill him?

 **Peter:** I want you to do whatever you want to do!

 **Bruce:** I have 3 level 2 spell slots available for use.

 **Steve:** It might just help us all feel better about it; I mean - if he _does_ have people who’ll come looking for him, maybe we want to reconsider. If he doesn’t… well.

 **Ned:** Right. So uh, yeah, Doc. Cast it.

 **Bruce:** Okay. I cast Detect Thoughts! On Scarface.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh, normally, I think, he’d have to perform a wisdom saving throw, against your spellcasting DC, but since he’s unconscious, he can’t really do that? And so you can get into his head easily, without any attempt of fighting back.

And uh, at first, you don’t really learn anything? Because he is asleep. But uh, you delve deeper, and get to the thoughts that you’re searching for. And this whole experience is a little disorienting for you, Pentan, because… not that you’ve never given this a try before - I imagine at the Academy, you practiced Divination magic quite a bit, trying to decide if it was something you wanted to focus full time on, but uh, it’s been a while, and so you’re not… at first, you’re not really sure of what you’re supposed to be doing.

But you get a reign on his thoughts, and yours, keeping them separate, and uh, within his thoughts, you find quite a bit of information. You see his thoughts on the person who gave him the bounty for Garrick, who’s name you gather to be Quinn. And remember, from Scarface’s perspective, him joining up with the two other people he’d been with in the woods, sharing the bounty information with them, and deciding to embark on this mission altogether.

And then you’re back in the woods, facing off against Garrick, while behind him Teala, the orange-haired woman, holds the fighter, and while nearby, the ranger points an arrow at the orc.

And then the thirty seconds of the spell run out, and you are pushed out of Scarface’s mind and back into the present.

> **Pentan:** Woof.
> 
> **Stony:** You good?
> 
> **Pentan:** Yeah, yeah, just… need a second.

**Peter:** Yeah, you are very dizzy, after that experience, and the world is just spinning.

 **Bruce:** Okay, I sit down.

 **Peter:** Yeah, you take a seat on top of a nearby rock, and just take a few moments to gather your thoughts, because they are going everywhere.

> **Gray:** You’re sure you’re okay, Robes?
> 
> **Pentan:** Uh-huh. Haven’t hopped into anyone else’s brain in a hot second, though, so it was a little abrupt. Should’ve prepared for that.

**Ned:** Uh, Peter, from that description, it doesn’t really sound like he learned anything particularly useful.

 **Peter:** Well, that’s not true.

 **Steve:** It isn’t. We know the name of the guy he got the bounty from, now, so we can confirm whether or not it’s still the same advisor that Garrick knows.

 **Tony:** Right, and if he only stopped and chatted with the two dudes that you guys fought in the woods, then we don’t have to worry about anybody else coming to look for him, which means we can super kill him.

[Bruce chuckling]

 **Peter:** Uh, so, Doc, do you relay this information to everybody else?

 **Bruce:** Yes, of course.

 **Peter:** Okay, so after taking a minute to gather yourself, uh, you explain to everyone what you were able to find in Scarface’s head, and Garrick, after a moment of silence, walks over to Scarface, and slits his throat, just, without even saying anything. Uh, and the assassin falls over sideways, blood pouring from the wound. And his eyes open, but roll back into his head.

And Garrick stalks away, shoving his dagger back into one of the scabbards at his sides, without speaking to any of you.

 **Steve:** So…

 **Ned:** Bad news, I’m guessing, is that… this Quinn dude isn’t the right advisor?

 **Peter:** You don’t know, because Garrick didn’t say anything.

 **Tony:** Then we should go ask him, right?

 **Steve:** [sighing] I guess I’ll do it.

 **Peter:** [amused] Okay. Uh, yeah, you head after Garrick, following him towards the tent that you and Violet share with him. Uh, and you find him inside, just laying sideways on his cot, staring at the canvas wall of the tent.

> **Gray:** Hey.
> 
> **Garrick:** [sighing] Sorry. I know that wasn’t… probably wasn’t the best way to handle that.
> 
> **Gray:** It’s fine. You want to explain it, though?
> 
> **Garrick:** Uh… Quinn. She was the Advisor of Knowledge under my father, too. And it - I don’t know. I just… it - it hurts to find out that she gave out the bounty on me. I thought - whatever.
> 
> **Gray:** So it is the same person.

**Peter:** He nods.

> **Gray:** Well, that’s good, then.
> 
> **Garrick:** Is it? If she’s working for my brother, now, I doubt she’ll be as willing to give me information as I thought she might be.
> 
> **Gray:** Well, your brother is the king. If he was the one to tell her to set a bounty on you, I’m sure she couldn’t say no. She might’ve been killed.

**Peter:** Uh, he doesn’t respond. Aside from that, outside, the rest of you have a dead assassin on your hands, who is slowly leaking blood over the ground, and uh, a few of the mercs are starting to look over in your direction, and like, they look very concerned by this display.

 **Tony:** Uh, right. Let’s deal with this.

 **Ned:** I go looking for Ben.

 **Peter:** Okay. You find him pretty easily, and he lifts an eyebrow at you.

> **Ben:** What?
> 
> **Jak:** Uh… what do you guys do with dead bodies?
> 
> **Ben:** [sighing] What makes you think we do anything with dead bodies?
> 
> **Jak:** [high pitched] I mean…
> 
> **Ben:** You killed that guy you brought into camp, then?
> 
> **Jak:** Well, Garrick did, but yeah.

**Peter:** He shakes his head, and heads in the direction of Stony and Pentan, just like, mumbling under his breath along the way. And when he reaches the two of you and the dead Scarface, he kind of examines him for a second, before rolling his eyes upwards, and leaning down to grab his arms.

> **Ben:** You two get his feet. We need to get him out into the forest, away from the camp.

**Peter:** Uh, and he looks over at you Jak, and says,

> **Ben:** Grab some shovels or something; we’ll need to dig a hole.
> 
> **Jak:** Got it.

**Peter:** Yeah, so, the four of you head into the woods, Scarface being toted between three of you, and Jak carrying some shovels. It should probably be the other way around, but whatever. And uh, Ben directs you to a clearing that’s a pretty solid distance away from the camp, and he just, like, drops Scarface’s upper half unceremoniously in the grass, and gestures for one of the shovels.

 **Ned:** Okay, I hand one over, and then I use the other to start digging, too.

 **Peter:** Yeah, so, you and Ben begin digging a hole to bury Scarface in, while uh… I guess Pentan and Stony look on?

 **Bruce:** Mm, no. I went back to camp, once I’d carried him wherever we were going.

 **Tony:** Yeah, I went back, too. I don’t want to have to stick around to dig.

 **Peter:** [amused] Okay. Jak and Ben do the digging on their own, then, and about halfway through, when the hole’s been dug a good three feet deep, uh, Ben stops, and wipes at his brow, and looks over at you, Jak. And he says,

> **Ben:** So, uh, what’s the deal, here?
> 
> **Jak:** What do you mean?
> 
> **Ben:** I mean… why are we digging a grave for this random fella that you brought back to camp? What’d he do?
> 
> **Jak:** Tried to kill us in the woods. I feel like you already know that.
> 
> **Ben:** _Why’d_ he try and kill you, then?
> 
> **Jak:** Dunno. Bloodlust? Money? I’m sure more than one person has a bounty on members of the Legionnaires.
> 
> **Ben:** Hm.

**Peter:** Uh, he isn’t, like, totally convinced, but since you told basically the truth, I’m not gonna make you roll any sort of check. And, eventually, you manage to finish the hole, and the two of you just kind of kick Scarface into it. And you cover him, and pat over the dirt, and then for good measure, Ben drags a couple of rocks over top of it, to like, discourage animals from digging here and unearthing him. And then he straightens up, and looks at you again, and says,

> **Ben:** Well, that’s taken care of.
> 
> **Jak:** Thanks.
> 
> **Ben:** Sure. Don’t be surprised when I come asking you for a favor at some point, though.

**Peter:** And he heads back in the direction of the camp.

 **Ned:** Is every session from now on going to just, like, have a reminder in it that Jak willingly just buried some dude in the woods with a mercenary? And I’ll never be able to live that character choice down?

 **Bruce:** Of course!

 **Tony:** Yeah, this isn’t a D&D campaign where your choices don’t matter. They’ll haunt you forever.

 **Ned:** DM?

 **Peter:** Uhm… there are definitely going to be repercussions for what just happened in the last hour or so. At some point.

[Ned sighing]

 **Steve:** There has to be some sort of backlash, or else everybody would do whatever they wanted and there’d be no real game.

 **Tony:** And it only starts to matter when Peter says so.

 **Peter:** [amused] That is my gift as DM. Bow before my grand power.

~ END OF TRANSMISSION - LOGGED DECEMBER 15th ~


	21. Chapter 2 - Session 5 - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Quaternity attempts to convince the Legionnaires to travel to the Capital, and It Gets Worse!

~ START OF TRANSMISSION - AVENGERS COMPOUND - DECEMBER 20th ~

 **Ned:** I can do magic.

 **Peter:** I - I’m sorry?

 **Ned:** Me. Jak. As a paladin, which is my class, uh… I can cast magic spells. And I haven’t done that yet.

 **Bruce:** Well, you did, in that first session. You used your, uh, healing touch or whatever it was on the bartender, right?

 **Tony:** [singing quietly] [ _I like the bartender…_ ](https://youtu.be/_LN-Jjjn4bU?t=72)

**Peter:** [also singing] _Ooh, if you’re looking for me._

 **Tony:** [still singing; louder] _I’m at the bar with her…_

 **Peter:** [singing] [amused]  _Uh-huh, okay._

 **Steve:** What is going on?

 **Peter:** Mm, just singing a good good hit rap song. Uh, anyway - Ned, yeah, you can do magic, but I figured, like, hitting stuff is more your style, so I wasn’t expecting you to whip out any spells at any point in the future, so.

 **Ned:** But the point is… it’s something I can do, and I haven’t taken advantage of it.

 **Peter:** To be fair, you do have two other magic users already in your party.

 **Ned:** I have healing magic. Do _they_ have healing magic?

 **Bruce:** I have one healing spell that I have not used, because we haven’t needed it. Edward.

 **Ned:** No, nope. Not - not doing that!

 **Bruce:** It’s your name, isn’t it?

 **Ned:** Yeah, but -

[Multiple people calling Ned ‘Edward’; Ned complaining]

 **Ned:** [loudly] I have a thing called ‘Divine Smite’!

 **Tony:** That sounds cool, but it’s probably super lame.

 **Ned:** [hushed, but with power] _Magic!_

 **Steve:** So, what are we doing?

 **Peter:** Well, that’s the thing. ‘Cause, like, you have options? Last time, you got some information out of the assassin that tried to take out Garrick, who you all now know to be the prince that went missing, like, from memory? Uh, and this assassin told you that the king, Garrick’s brother Gideon, used his Advisor for Knowledge to… place a bounty on his head. And Garrick, kind of upset to learn that the advisor, whom he was pals with, uh, just sort of did that? He killed the assassin, and we ended last time with Jak and Ben burying him in the woods.

Uh, and, you also learned that Gray’s sister, Violet, is a druid. And that Annis knew about it all along, and did not say anything? And so Violet was pretty upset, too, and she kind of disappeared, and I don’t - no one went looking for her, so you don’t really know where she went off to, but Gray, you know that there is, like, kind of necessary information about druids at Crit’s house? And I think you were considering going after that stuff.

But the main thing that you all decided to do was to head to the Capital, to like, try and figure out what’s… what’s up, with Gideon suddenly wanting his brother dead. And in order to do that, you all will have to convince Annis to take the Legionnaires in that direction, since you’re all meant to stick with this band of mercenaries, by order of the Quora City Watch Captain, Owen Fontayne.

So, that’s where your story is, presently. Like, if this were a video game, your mission, like, information page would have that listed under the Main Story part, and then ‘Retrieve Druidic Information’ would be in like, the side missions area.

 **Ned:** Mm, very good.

 **Peter:** Thanks.

 **Bruce:** Okay, so… we obviously need to go get that information, first, right? Because if we don’t, we won’t be able to get it later on, since we’ll have left this area behind.

 **Tony:** In order to do that, someone’s going to need to find Violet.

 **Ned:** Because…?

 **Tony:** Because Steve wanted to make sure us knowing was okay with her, and he wanted to take us with him to get the information.

 **Steve:** Right. So I should try and find my sister, to talk with her.

 **Peter:** Okay.

Gray. You - as usual, you go looking for Violet on your own, since you’re usually the only one who’s able to find Violet whenever she goes off by herself. It’s a sibling thing. But… for some reason, this time? You can’t find her. You - you scour the woods within a mile of the camp. You look in all the usual places that she might have gone in camp itself. You even go into Quora, briefly, to look for her there, and you can’t find her.

And so you ask for help. You ask Varo, and Omar, the two elven chefs, if they’ve seen your sister, and they haven’t. You ask Ben if he’s seen her, and he hasn't. You ask everybody, all of the mercenaries, if they have any idea where your sister might have gone, but… none of them know.

Violet is gone.

[Pause]

 **Ned:** Well, dump.

 **Steve:** So she’s missing.

 **Peter:** Well. Missing might not be the best word for this scenario, since… she left on her own, and just… disappeared? She’s… she is gone. And you don’t have anything to tell you where she might have gone to, which was probably her intention.

 **Tony:** Mm, well, to be fair… learning that someone who was extremely close to you knew some serious shit that was going to affect your entire life and didn’t tell you about it, would… I’d leave, too, I think.

 **Bruce:** But she didn’t say anything to her _brother,_  and he had nothing to do with it!

 **Tony:** She probably guessed that he’d try to convince her to stay!

 **Steve:** [quietly] I would have.

 **Tony:** See?

 **Peter:** Yeah, so, uh, now you - I guess, Gray, do you tell the others that you can’t find Violet?

 **Steve:** Uhm… [sighing] I guess I should, right?

 **Peter:** I mean, you can keep this quest to yourself. Like, in your side missions, it’ll say ‘Find Violet Wakefield’, but if you don’t tell the others, they won’t have that same prompt.

 **Steve:** Mr. Parker, I really don’t understand your video game descriptions of things.

 **Peter:** But you get it, right?

 **Steve:** [exasperated] Yes. Uh… okay, yeah. I’ll tell them.

 **Peter:** All right. [pause] I think… I’m going to say that you, like, have everybody gather in Annis’s tent, so that you can tell literally everybody that your sister has just… disappeared, all at once, because I feel like you having to tell everybody at different times would be stressful for your character.

So, uh, you gather the rest of the Quaternity, Garrick, Ben, and Annis in her big tent, and uh, Ben says,

> **Ben:** What’s this about, boy? You know we’re trying to get everything together so that we can get a move on. 
> 
> **Gray:** Yeah, I know, but… we can’t leave.
> 
> **Annis:** I don’t think that’s something you can decide for the entire group, Wakefield.
> 
> **Gray:** No, it isn’t, but… Violet’s gone.
> 
> [Pause]
> 
> **Annis:** What do you mean, gone?
> 
> **Gray:** I mean, gone. I can’t find her. And you know that I could find her in the middle of the night, in the middle of a rainstorm. She’s… she’s gone. I don’t know where she went.
> 
> **Stony:** Mm… I wonder why she would decide to leave.

[Ned snickering]

> **Gray:** I think I have a good idea as to why.

**Steve:** And I kind of glare at Annis, like, _This is your fault._

 **Peter:** Yeah, uh, she looks sensibly disturbed by the news that Violet is nowhere to be found. Ben looks between the two of you, and you can tell that he senses there’s something happening there, but he doesn’t comment on it. Instead, he says,

> **Ben:** Well, Gray, I’m sorry, but we really need to get moving.
> 
> **Gray:** But -
> 
> **Ben:** I know that you’re worried about your sister, but she’s smart, and she knows the woods of Adren better than anyone I’ve ever met. If she wants to find us, she’ll be able to.
> 
> **Gray:** … what if she doesn’t want to find us?

**Bruce:** That’s not a very nice thought.

 **Ned:** No, but it’s probably a valid one.

 **Bruce:** Uh, Pentan says,

> **Pentan:** Maybe we should spend more time searching for her. When did you notice she was gone?
> 
> **Gray:** Earlier this afternoon.
> 
> **Pentan:** Right, and it’s probably… hmm…

**Bruce:** _Hmmmm…..!_

 **Peter:** Oh, that’s a prompt for me to tell you the time currently. Uh, it’s - it’s been a long day. I’m going to say that it is nearing midnight, probably, at this point.

> **Pentan:** She’s been gone for less than twelve hours; surely she couldn’t have gone far.
> 
> **Garrick:** Unless she took a horse.
> 
> **Stony:** Isn’t that something you’d know about by now, though?

**Steve:** Uh, I look at Annis again, with like, my eyebrows raised.

 **Peter:** Okay. She says,

> **Annis:** I think we’d all be surprised by the distance that Violet can cover when she feels it’s a necessity. I doubt she’s close by, and if she truly didn’t want us to find her, she would have made it impossible to track her.
> 
> **Ben:** Yeah, if Gray couldn’t find any sign of her earlier, she’s long gone, and she doesn’t want us coming after her.

**Peter:** And Ben looks at you, Gray, and you can tell that he does feel bad about this, but he says,

> **Ben:** I’m sorry, son. It seems like she’s gone, and no one has the capability to go looking for her, if you didn’t figure anything out.
> 
> **Gray:** She’s my sister. I can’t just leave her behind.
> 
> **Garrick:** Gray, she’s gone, and probably for good reason, since she’s gone through so much trouble. Obviously, she wants to be alone; maybe it’s the best idea to just let her be alone. If she wants to find us later on, she will.

**Ned:** Uh, I want to step in and say, real quick,

> **Jak:** [gruffly] If you want, I could ask Captain Fontayne to ask the rest of the Watch to keep an eye out for her.
> 
> **Stony:** He’ll do that for you, even though you’re on the Watch’s shit list?
> 
> **Jak:** If I ask nicely, probably. I’ve never done anything to get on his bad side. He might owe me a favor or two.

**Peter:** Annis, actually, looks super into this idea. She’s like, perked up, a bit, and she says,

> **Annis:** Gods know he owes me favors. I’ll ask him, Gray.

**Peter:** And she moves away to start writing a letter to him.

 **Steve:** I’m just - I really don’t want to leave the woods outside of Quora without my sister.

 **Bruce:** Cap, I don’t blame you, but we do have a main story quest to do. And I don’t think Peter would’ve made Violet leave if he didn’t have some kind of plan for this, later on, you know?

 **Steve:** You’re right. I just kind of feel like she’s going to be mad, if we leave, and I didn’t do anything to try and convince the group to stay in one place until she’s had the time she needs.

 **Ned:** I will be the first to vouch for you, and say that you tried.

 **Tony:** I don’t think you’ll have much sway over how she feels.

 **Ned:** At least I can try!

 **Peter:** That is true; he can try.

 **Bruce:** Peter, what does… does Garrick look like he wants to support Gray’s idea to stick around, or is he ready to move on, to get to the Capital?

 **Peter:** Why don’t you roll an insight check to try and find out?

 **Bruce:** Fair enough. [dice roll] That is a 20.

 **Peter:** Okay, so, Garrick… he does look like he’s sympathetic; obviously, he has siblings, too, and although he isn’t as close to them as Gray is to Violet, he can understand why he would want to wait around and see if she comes back. But he also… he also looks a little resigned, like he already knows how that sort of thing would turn out? Like, you’d wait around here for another week, and she wouldn’t come back, and Gray would be even more upset? So, yeah, you can tell that he feels bad, but that he doesn’t think sticking around is the best choice. He’s not even thinking about himself in that regard, either.

 **Ned:** [whispered] He’s kind of a good dude.

 **Peter:** Sorry, Ned, what was that?

 **Ned:** Hm?

 **Peter:** I just didn’t hear what you said.

 **Ned:** I didn’t say anything.

 **Peter:** Uh-huh, sure you didn’t. I’ll be checking the transcript. Uh, anyway -

 **Ned:** Can I ask, like, an actual question, that doesn’t pertain to the D&D campaign whatsoever?

 **Peter:** Uh, sure.

 **Ned:** Why does FRIDAY record transcripts of everything?

 **Tony:** Mm.

 **Bruce:** [amused] Yes, Tony, why don’t you answer that question?

 **Tony:** Well, it’s - [sighing] It’s because I’m lazy, and the transcripts are like, my way of taking notes? Without having to take notes? Instead of writing stuff down, I can just go back into the log of so and so day, when we did whatever session, and look and see what’s what, there.

The transcripts are my [ Handy Dandy Notebook](https://bluesclues.fandom.com/wiki/Handy_Dandy_Notebook).

 **Ned:** Oh. So you’re a cheater.

 **Tony:** [high pitched] _Well…_

 **Ned:** Instead of doing your own work, you’re making the Compound’s AI do it for you.

 **Tony:** [high pitched] _I mean._

 **Peter:** He did create the AI, Ned.

 **Ned:** To do all the hard work for him! On top of everything else!

 **Tony:** FRIDAY’s happy to do it, aren’t you, kiddo?

 **F.R.I.D.A.Y.:** Of course, boss.

 **Tony:** Y’see? She’s good.

 **Ned:** Mr. Stark, please invent me an AI that will take notes for me during class.

 **Tony:** Mm. Maybe for Christmas.

 **Ned:** Okay!

 **Peter:** So, Annis -

 **Steve:** I don’t get a chance to actually do anything here, do I?

 **Peter:** What do you mean?

 **Steve:** I have no chance of convincing Annis to keep the Legionnaires where we already are?

 **Peter:** I mean, you can try to convince her.

 **Bruce:** Captain, I appreciate how attached you are to your Dungeons and Dragons sister, but… I really don’t think that having the Legionnaires stay in the woods outside Quora is going to do much, story-wise.

 **Tony:** Yeah, it really might be better if we just move on. Violet’s, like, canonically really good at the survival stuff, right? And she’s a druid, which means she’s a forest person? She’s fine.

 **Steve:** [sighing] I don’t like it, but since no one is agreeing with me, I really don’t have any reason to try and convince you all otherwise.

 **Ned:** Yeah, sorry, Cap. Violet’s cool, but like… she’s cool enough to take care of herself, which means we can focus our attention on the main plot.

 **Steve:** All right, all right. I’ll go along with what everybody else wants. But, if Violet comes back, and she’s angry that Gray left her behind, I’m blaming all of you.

 **Tony:** Fair enough. Peter! What’s next?

 **Peter:** Uh, Annis finishes up her message to Captain Fontayne, and she passes it along to someone to take it to Quora for her, and then she turns her attention back to the rest of you, and says,

> **Annis:** Ben and I have been discussing our next location -
> 
> **Jak:** Yeah, we wanted to talk to you about that, actually.
> 
> **Annis:** Oh?

**Ned:** Uh… I look at Gray, and Garrick, and like, tilt my head, in a _You’re up,_ sort of way.

 **Steve:** Right, okay, uh, I’ll say,

> **Gray:** We want to go to the Capital.
> 
> **Annis:** And why’s that?

**Steve:** Uh - uhm…

 **Tony:** [stage whispering] Tell her it’s where you told Violet that you thought the Legionnaires would go next.

 **Steve:** Oh, that’s - actually a good call. Yeah, uhm.

> **Gray:** It’s where Violet might go to try and find us.

**Peter:** Okay, I’ll need you to roll a deception check.

 **Steve:** Why?

 **Peter:** Because you didn’t actually tell Violet that you thought the group might go to the Capital next?

 **Steve:** Fine. [dice roll] Oh! That’s a natural 20, plus one!

[Noises of surprise; celebratory sounds from Ned]

 **Peter:** Good damn roll, Captain. Jeez. Okay, uh, Ben and Annis exchange a glance, and Ben kind of tips his head in Gray’s direction, and Annis sighs, but nods, and then says,

> **Annis:** All right. We’ll go to the Capital. If that’s where Violet thinks we were going to go, it makes sense for us to head there, in case she comes looking. We’ll head out tomorrow morning.

**Bruce:** That was a great roll, Steve.

 **Tony:** Yeah, it made that whole conversation super easy.

 **Peter:** Right. Uh… do you all leave the tent?

 **Tony:** Yeah! It’s bedtime!

 **Peter:** [amused] All right. Uh, Gray, when you and Garrick get back to your tent, he says,

> **Garrick:** I’m sorry about Violet. Do you know what happened?
> 
> **Gray:** She - uhm, she found out some things, that Annis kept from her, and it upset her, pretty badly.
> 
> **Garrick:** Well, hopefully she comes home.
> 
> **Gray:** Yeah.

**Peter:** And he turns away from you. Uh, Jak, Pentan, and Stony, I imagine that the three of you were given a tent to share, uh… do you want to discuss anything, before we time travel?

 **Bruce:** Mm, nothing from me, no.

 **Tony:** Bed. Time.

 **Peter:** Okay, fine. Uh, so… everyone goes to sleep. And it’s the next morning. And the camp is filled with moving-on activities; wagons are being packed, horses are being watered down and fed one last time before everyone hits the road, tents are being pulled down. If anything gets left behind, it’s on the heads of those who were responsible for it in the first place.

 **Ned:** Ah, one of those ‘If you leave it behind, we shun you,’ scenarios. I got it.

 **Peter:** Right. But uh… you guys don’t really have much to worry about, aside from your tent and the cots you were supplied with.

 **Ned:** We take care of those.

 **Peter:** Right, so you pack away those things on one of the wagons, and then you all sort of converge together near it, to wait for the group to start moving. So… if you have something you want to talk about, this is the time!

 **Bruce:** Question; is there going to be road fighting?

 **Tony:** That sounds like a euphemism for something.

 **Bruce:** It isn’t. I just mean fighting on the road.

 **Peter:** Why do you think I’d tell you the answer to that question?

 **Bruce:** Because you’re a good kid.

 **Peter:** But I’m also your DM.

 **Bruce:** Okay… but I can cast a spell called Augury, which calls for an otherworldly being to tell us how the next thirty minutes is going to go!

 **Peter:** Meaning… me?

 **Bruce:** Yes, meaning you.

 **Tony:** Are you really going to waste a spell slot on that?

 **Bruce:** … I guess I shouldn’t, huh?

 **Ned:** No. ‘Cause what if there _is_ a road fight?

 **Steve:** Yeah, I’d conserve them.

 **Bruce:** All right, all right. I won’t cast it. But it would’ve been fun, breaking the fourth wall.

 **Peter:** [amused] Anyway, uh, Annis appears, sort of at the head of the train of wagons and mercenaries, and she climbs up into the back of a wagon so that she can address you all, and she says,

> **Annis:** Just like normal, folks; we’ll stick to the road. None of the wagons should try to over take one another. We’re heading for the Capital, which means we’ll need to stop this train sometime tonight, and continue on in the morning. Sound good?

**Peter:** And the mercs all kind of shout their agreements. Annis nods, and hops down from the wagon, and uh, you’re off, heading out of this clearing that the Legionnaires have occupied for about a week, and onto your next destination.

 **Steve:** For drama, I would like to linger behind, a bit, and just look around at the trees, like I’m searching for any last sign of Violet.

[Tony groaning]

 **Peter:** Good drama. Garrick pauses next to you, and lets you look for a second, before he places a hand on your shoulder, and says,

> **Garrick:** C’mon.

**Steve:** [sighing] I go with him.

 **Ned:** [clearing throat] I would like to cast Find Steed.

[Peter sighing]

 **Bruce:** What does _that_ do?

 **Ned:** It gives me a something to ride. DM, it says here that you might allow me to summon any form I choose, and I would like to summon… a bear.

 **Peter:** You’re seriously going to do this? Right now?

 **Ned:** Maybe Jak slept poorly last night, and he doesn’t feel like walking.

 **Peter:** Maybe you could just ride in the back of one of the wagons, like a normal person! [pause] The casting time is 10 minutes!

 **Ned:** Since when have we paid any attention to the casting time of spells?

 **Peter:** Mm.

 **Bruce:** He has a point.

 **Tony:** [exasperated] You’re going to waste a spell slot on a free ride?

 **Ned:** I don’t use magic in combat, remember?

 **Steve:** Might as well cast it, then. I’m curious to know what this is going to look like, from Peter’s description.

 **Peter:** [sighing] So -

 **Ned:** No, no, no. I’m sending you a text message with the description.

 **Peter:** That isn’t how this works!

 **Ned:** Please?

 **Peter:** Ugh… okay. [pause] [increasingly distressed] Ned…

 **Tony:** Read it.

 **Peter:** [pause] Jak raises his right hand towards the sun, his eyes closed in concentration. Before the rest of the group really knows what’s happening, odd, shiny particles of matter seem to appear out of nowhere, gathering together in an occupied space in front of the… [sighing; exasperated] the _dashing_ paladin. The particles merge together in a form that grows more familiar as more particles join it. Within a fifteen second period, the particles have joined together and solidified into a large bear. This bear roars majestically, like the one that was carved into that mountain one time, that’s in [ those old commercials ](https://youtu.be/rW5vy0UuaFQ?t=6) for the [ California Adventure Disney park](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disney_California_Adventure).

This is Jak’s mount.

 **Ned:** And his name is Teeth.

[Peter bursting into laughter]

 **Tony:** I can’t believe you know about those commercials!

 **Ned:** We used to only have Disney movies on VHS.

 **Tony:** Mm, that explains it.

[Peter still laughing, although it sounds more like wheezing]

 **Bruce:** You okay, Peter?

 **Peter:** [gasping]

 **Steve:** Give him a second.

[Peter struggling]

 **Tony:** Pete? Breathe.

 **Peter:** [whispering] Trying.

[Peter inhaling deeply, then breathing outwards]

[Pause]

 **Peter:** Okay… okay. I’m good.

 **Ned:** Why did that get you so hard?

 **Peter:** Because! I read that, like, very descriptive scene, and then you just end it, like, “And his name is Teeth”. That wasn’t funny to anyone else?

 **Steve:** Well, obviously not _as_ funny.

 **Tony:** How long did you have that description prepared?

 **Ned:** Since I realized that I can do magic, and that summoning a mount is one of the spells I can cast.

 **Bruce:** So, at least a week.

 **Ned:** Yeah.

 **Peter:** Uh, fine. So, Jak has something he can ride, now. Would any of the other magic boys like to waste one of their spell slots on something that will last maybe three more minutes?

 **Bruce:** Mm, I’m okay.

 **Tony:** Yeah, me too.

 **Peter:** Great. Jak rides his stupid spectral bear named _Teeth_ until the thing disintegrates into ash a half-hour later -

 **Ned:** I get this boy until he hits zero hit points, DM. He’s not going anywhere.

[Peter sighing]


	22. Chapter 2 - Session 5 - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Quaternity comes across a random encounter, and It Gets Worse!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody, it's ScribbleWiggy, your author, your technical DM, and your... almost-finished-with-her-sophomore-year-of-college student.  
> Sorry for taking a while to post last week's update; I forgot all about it, in the midst of Easter festivities and end of the semester work. I'll try to get back on track, but with summer coming up, who knows?  
> Anyway, keep an eye out, if anyone is still reading and waiting around to updates every two weeks or whatsoever. They'll show up at some point. I'll let you get on to the rest of this session, now. Adios.

**Tony:** Guess that’s happening, then, huh?

 **Peter:** Mm. Well, that’s actually something we’ll need to talk about.

Uh, so, the group travels throughout the day, but as night starts to fall, Annis directs everyone off of the road into a clearing, where you’re all going to be setting up camp just for the evening, to get some sleep. Do you guys set up your tent, or do you just want to sleep under the stars?

 **Ned:** I’m good with just a sleeping mat and a blanket.

 **Steve:** Yeah, Gray’s done worse.

 **Tony:** I think Stony says he’s all right with just sleeping on the ground, but once he thinks everyone else is asleep, he crawls up into one of the wagons and sleeps there instead.

[Bruce chortling]

 **Peter:** [amused] Okay. Doc?

 **Bruce:** Uh, yeah, I think Pentan, who has lived a cushy life, would be kind of happy to sleep on the ground, for once. As like, a new experience.

 **Peter:** That’s cool. Okay. So, uh - hm. I want to say that you all kind of end up sleeping in close proximity, but that’s not necessarily something that would _have_ to happen, since this is Gray’s mercenary group, and Jak doesn’t like any of the rest of you.

 **Ned:** I mean, they’re growing on me.

 **Peter:** But… all right. We’ll just say that, for the sake of argument, you all are sleeping relatively near one another. The other mercs are all sleeping in different spots in this clearing as well, and the camp is… pretty quiet, aside from the snoring of some, and, like, shifting sounds.

And uh, Stony, do you actually get up once you think everyone else is sleeping, to move to a wagon?

 **Tony:** Yes, I do!

 **Peter:** Okay. You get up to do that, scooping up your blanket and sleeping mat as you do, and uh… roll a perception check for me.

 **Tony:** Oh, I’m pretty good at those. [pause] Mm, no, never mind. I only have a plus one. [dice roll] Still a 15, though.

 **Peter:** A 15, all right. Uhm… as you sort of step around the people that had been sleeping nearest you, to get to a wagon without disturbing any of them, uh, you… hear something snap, in the trees nearby. It sounds like something might have stepped on a fallen branch. A second later, maybe, uh, some bushes rustle around, too.

 **Tony:** Mm. Not good. Okay, who is… closest to me? That’s part of our squad?

 **Peter:** They’re all pretty close by.

 **Tony:** I want to… kick Jak, to wake him up, and whisper, like,

> **Stony:** There’s something in the woods!

**Peter:** Okay. Jak? Do you respond to this… rude awakening?

 **Ned:** Yeah. Can I roll over to look at him, and be like,

> **Jak:** What are you talking about?
> 
> **Stony:** I heard stuff, in the woods. Something’s moving around in there.
> 
> **Jak:** I’m sure it was your imagination. Go back to sleep.

**Peter:** Ned, roll a perception check for me.

 **Ned:** That’s a d20 plus two… so… mm, 20!

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh, as you’re sort of situating yourself, to get back to sleep, you hear something rustle a bush, too. And for a second, you think it might have just been a breeze, but that was the only sound you heard.

 **Ned:** Dump. All right, uh, I guess I stand up, and reach for my Stunning Axe.

 **Peter:** [amused] You come up with that name on your own?

 **Ned:** I did! Do you like it?

 **Tony:** [quietly] It isn’t as cool as my sword’s name.

 **Peter:** I came up with that one, though.

 **Ned:** Uh, anyway. The noise in the woods?

 **Peter:** Well, that’s up to you. Do you want to approach it alone? Are you waking anyone else up? What’re you - what’s the plan?

 **Ned:** Uhm… I don’t have one!

[Steve snorting]

 **Ned:** Oh, yeah, Captain? You want to figure something out? Fine. I kick Gray awake.

> **Gray:** _Ooph._
> 
> **Jak:** Up. We’ve got company.
> 
> **Gray:** The hell are you talking about? It’s the middle of the night!
> 
> **Jak:** Which would explain why someone’s trying to sneak up on all of us _now,_ rather than in the middle of the day. Get up and help me look.

**Steve:** All right, I get up, and reach for my sword, but I’m kind of grumbling about it.

 **Tony:** While that was happening, I was trying to wake up Pentan, as gently as possible, because he’s not a happy camper when he gets woken up by someone, rather than waking up on his own.

 **Bruce:** It’s very true to life.

 **Tony:** So, I poke him with a stick I found, from at least two feet away, to get him to wake up.

 **Peter:** Okay. And do you react to this?

 **Bruce:** Yeah, I - Pentan sort of hisses, and tugs his blanket up over his head.

 **Tony:** [amused] I poke him harder.

 **Bruce:** Pentan grabs the end of the stick that’s digging into his back, and tries to take control of it, so that he can smack the hell out of Stony.

 **Peter:** Really?

 **Bruce:** No, no. he just curses a little, out of annoyance, and sits up, glaring over at Stony.

> **Pentan:** What is it?
> 
> **Stony:** Baddies in the woods.
> 
> **Pentan:** Oh. Okay, that’s an acceptable reason to have woken me up.

**Bruce:** And Pentan stands up.

 **Peter:** Okay, so, all four of you are awake, now. What’s your approach?

 **Ned:** I don’t think we should alert everybody else until we know that it’s a threat? ‘Cause, what if it’s just, like, a bunny or something, and we disturbed all of their slumbers for no reason? We’d be in so much trouble.

 **Steve:** Yeah, that’s probably a fair assumption. I say we just go ahead and investigate the noises ourselves, for now? And, as stealthily as possible?

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh… since Stony and Jak both heard sounds, uh, from two different spaces in the trees nearby, you’re not entirely positive of where you should start looking. How do you want to go about that?

 **Ned:** I guess we should start with where the noise I heard came from, right? Since it was the most recent?

 **Bruce:** Could I roll a perception check, to see if I can see anything? I do have dark vision.

 **Ned:** Yeah, so do I. My 20 didn’t let me see anything?

 **Peter:** Mm. No? Because you weren’t actively trying to suss out a figure; it was just a sound that you heard, and it drew your attention.

 **Ned:** All right, I guess that’s fair. Could we roll another perception check, then, to see if we see anything now that we’re looking for something?

 **Peter:** Yeah, go ahead. Whoever wants to.

[dice rolling]

 **Ned:** [quietly] That’s a three.

 **Bruce:** Natural 20, with a plus two on top.

 **Peter:** Jesus!

 **Tony:** I think he saw something.

 **Peter:** Yeah, uh, Pentan, it is like your eyes are… _night vision cameras._ [laughter] You, as soon as Stony and Jak pointed out the general locations that they heard the noises coming from, you peer into the trees, there, and you see what looks to be a large beast, of some kind.

 **Bruce:** Augh, is it another _owlbear?_

 **Peter:** It is not. It is a shape smaller than that, and it… it’s definitely moving, some. You are able to track its, like, path, and… it seems like… oddly enough, like it’s… pacing? It shuffles towards one spot in the trees, just out of sight, and like, lingers there for a second, and then it moves to a different spot, and lingers, and then it goes back to kind of where it was previously. And you watch this thing pace this way at least five times.

 **Steve:** I bet it’s looking for something.

 **Tony:** Whatever _it_ is. I don’t know if I want to find out. It isn’t bothering anyone.

 **Bruce:** But what if it decides to?

 **Ned:** All right, uh, Jak approaches the area.

 **Peter:** Do you do it stealthily, or just… [ _rush in_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3O3SzLu07WU) _?_

 **Ned:** Uh… I don’t think I’d roll a very high stealth check, so I figure, why bother?

 **Peter:** Okay. So, you charge right in, towards where Pentan spotted this… thing, and as you break through the brushes and things that were kind of in the way, uh, something large, and… oddly, like, rough brushes past you in the opposite direction. And uh, it knocks you down, and you are now prone, Jak.

The rest of you see this beast come out of the trees, where Jak entered to look for it, and you find yourselves faced with a creature that is about three feet tall. It is on all fours, and it has skin that is fairly reminiscent to that of a lizard, but this thing is not itself a lizard. It does not have a tail, its face is smushed inwards, like a bulldog’s, and it… looks pissed.

Uh, let’s roll initiative.

[dice rolling]

 **Tony:** Do we have any idea what it could be?

 **Peter:** Not initially. Someone could probably do a nature check, to see if they know. Give me those initiative rolls, first, though.

 **Steve:** 11.

 **Ned:** That’s a five.

 **Tony:** Mm, 10.

 **Bruce:** I have a 15.

 **Peter:** All right, uh, Doc, you’re up first, then.

 **Bruce:** Uh - I guess I’ll roll a nature check? I have a plus three; this doesn’t count as an action, right?

 **Peter:** No.

 **Bruce:** All right. [dice roll] Oh! [smugly] Natural 20.

 **Peter:** _Again?_

 **Tony:** My God.

 **Bruce:** Am I lyin’?

 **Steve:** No, he’s not lying.

 **Bruce:** Natural 20, plus three!

 **Peter:** [sighing] So, I guess, at the Academy, at _some point,_ uh… Pentan took a course on magical creatures? Because he knows exactly what this thing is. It is a Chimder, which is… a hybrid of sorts, between some kind of fire-breathing creature, and a warthog. So, uh, Pentan knows that it’s immune to fire.

 **Bruce:** You’re welcome.

 **Ned:** [amused] You’re the only one who might have found that information useful, _mage._

 **Bruce:** I still rolled another natural 20. So, there.

 **Peter:** Yeah, uh, and now you can take an action.

 **Bruce:** Yes, I will. I will be casting… hmm… Acid Arrow! I have to make a ranged spell attack, and if it hits, the target takes 4d4 acid damage immediately, and at the end of its turn, it takes an extra 2d4 acid damage.

 **Peter:** All right. Uh, you will have disadvantage on this roll, since it is a ranged attack, and you are within five feet of this creature.

 **Bruce:** All right, fine. [dice roll] Uh, 17 is the first roll. The second one is… [dice roll] 13.

 **Peter:** Not gonna do it.

 **Bruce:** _What?_

 **Peter:** No, this beast’s AC is higher than thirteen, sorry. Uh - Gray, you are next.

 **Steve:** Okay. I guess I’ll just… try to slash it? [dice roll] That is also a 17.

 **Peter:** That _does_ hit.

 **Steve:** Fantastic. [dice roll] Uh, five damage. I would also like to use one of my superiority dice… to do a Goading thing…

 **Peter:** Okay. What’s that do?

 **Steve:** Uh… I expend a superiority die, add that to the damage roll, and the target needs to make a Wisdom saving throw to beat it. If it does not, it has disadvantage on all attacks that aren’t against me, until the end of my next turn.

 **Ned:** [stage-whispering] I convinced him to pick this one!

 **Peter:** [amused] Okay. What’s that superiority roll?

 **Steve:** Mm, that’s only a two. The lizard thing has to beat a seven, then.

 **Peter:** Well, the good news is that wisdom isn’t this thing’s strength. [dice roll] Yeah, uh, that’s a four.

 **Bruce:** Nice one, Cap.

 **Steve:** Thanks.

 **Peter:** All righty. Stony is next.

 **Tony:** I can cast spells now.  

 **Peter:** Yes?

 **Tony:** I am a level four bard. I literally don’t have any spells that I want to cast, which means I’m just gonna try to hit this thing with my magic rapier instead. [dice roll] That is a 15.

 **Peter:** Mm, just hits.

 **Tony:** All right. This thing takes four thunder damage.

 **Peter:** Cool. Uh, I think, like, when you make contact with this creature, uh, you _feel_ that thunder, in your arms, and it kind of rattles you a bit, but you aren’t as dizzy as you were when you hit the Librarian.

 **Tony:** Okay.

 **Peter:** Ned! You are prone, and the furthest away from this creature.

 **Ned:** Standing up would be my movement, right?

 **Peter:** Mmhm.

 **Ned:** All right, well, I’m not going anywhere. I stand up, to my full Treetop height.

 **Bruce:** Which is around seven feet, right?

 **Ned:** Yes, exactly. And I say,

> **Jak:** I’m not all blades and swinging, you know!

**Ned:** And I cast Command on the thing, and order it to flee. It has to succeed on a Wisdom saving throw.

 **Peter:** Against your spell DC?

 **Ned:** Yep!

 **Peter:** All right. [dice roll] That’s a 14.

 **Ned:** [pause] Well.

[Bruce chuckling]

 **Ned:** [snorting] Ahem. My DC’s only a 12.

 **Peter:** Okay. So, your spell sucked, and the Chimder is unaffected by your command. Which means it is now able to take its first action, and it is going to go for Pentan. It is going to… I have the attack written down as ‘Ram’. It is going to charge forward, and just, knock into you. [dice roll] Mm, and with the disadvantage, it only rolls a seven?

 **Bruce:** Yeah, even my armor class is higher than that.

 **Tony:** Miss.

 **Peter:** It missed. You dodge out of the way, Pentan, and the Chimder retreats back to where it was originally standing. Uh, and it is your turn, now, Doc.

 **Bruce:** Fantastic. [pause] I’m just gonna cast Magic Missile.

 **Peter:** [amused] Sounds good. Go ahead and roll that damage.

 **Bruce:** [dice roll] Each dart does four damage. I’m casting it as a level one spell.

 **Peter:** Okay. So, three darts at four damage each is 12 damage. Got it. This thing is looking a little worse for wear. Gray is up next.

 **Steve:** I’m just gonna hit it again. [dice roll] Mm, 11.

 **Peter:** Not gonna do it. Stony?

 **Tony:** Uh - mm. I’m going to cast Sleep.

 **Peter:** Okay, interesting.

 **Tony:** If I roll higher than the amount of HP that it has left, the targeted creature falls asleep for the duration, until it takes damage, or if somebody smacks it. And I roll 5d8 to do this.

 **Peter:** Go for it.

 **Tony:** Woo, boy. That’s 29.

 **Peter:** Okay, yeah, this Chimder is fast asleep. You all watch Stony point his finger at this creature, and then see it, like, tilt sideways, and it falls to the ground, snoring a little bit, even. He sufficiently knocked this thing out.

Uh, Jak, roll a perception check for me.

 **Ned:** Oh, don’t like that. [dice roll] Eight?

 **Peter:** Dammit. All right, never mind!

 **Steve:** Well, hold on. What about the rest of us?

 **Peter:** I mean, you’re not really… in an appropriate position to notice anything.

 **Bruce:** I can notice anything. Do you not remember my natural 20 from before, Peter?

 **Peter:** I mean, if you want to roll perception checks, you can, but… the number to beat is going to be significantly higher than Jak’s was.

 **Tony:** Eh, we can give it a shot, right boys?

 **Steve:** Sure!

[dice rolling]

 **Bruce:** I may have used up all my natural 20s for the rest of the game. I got a four.

[Ned chortling]

 **Steve:** Mine was a 13?

 **Peter:** No, not high enough. Mr. Stark?

 **Tony:** [triumphantly] 19!

 **Ned:** Oh, nice.

 **Peter:** All right, yeah, that… that passes. Uh… Stony, you… you don’t _see_ anything, since it is incredibly dark and you are a human, but you do _hear_ something. And you hear what sounds like… that same sort of shuffling that you heard this Chimder making before, as it was walking around, but this is on a much smaller level, because it is being caused by a much smaller creature.

The three of you who are standing closest to this sleeping, bloodied Chimder all watch as three tinier Chimders emerge from the brush nearby, and trot over to the bigger one. The three baby Chimders are snorting, and one of them nudges at the bigger Chimder with its smushed-in nose.

 **Bruce:** It’s a mother. It wasn’t looking for anything; it was just standing guard outside her nest.

 **Ned:** Well, dump. We’re assholes.

 **Steve:** Bruce, heal the mother.

 **Bruce:** Can I do that, Peter?

 **Peter:** Of course, if you want to.

 **Bruce:** I do! I cast… uhm… [pause] Huh. I thought I had a healing spell…

[Ned sighing]

 **Bruce:** I’m sorry. I guess it isn’t something wizards can do.

 **Steve:** Well, we have three magic casters. Someone must have one.

 **Ned:** I have a thing called Cure Wounds. A creature I touch regains up to 8 hit points, plus my ability modifier. I could use that.

 **Bruce:** Please?

 **Ned:** Okay, uh - we’re not in combat anymore, right?

 **Peter:** Mm, no. The thing you were fighting is asleep.

 **Ned:** Okay. Then I’d like to move to the sleeping Chimder, and cast Cure Wounds on it.

[Dice rolling]

 **Ned:** [apprehensively] Oh, God, why is he rolling a die?

 **Peter:** Ned, what’s your AC, without armor?

 **Ned:** [quietly; horrified] … why?

 **Peter:** ‘Cause you don’t wear gloves, right?

 **Tony:** [gleefully] Oh, God!

 **Bruce:** Oh, Ned! Ned, I’m sorry!

 **Peter:** Jak, you approach this fallen Chimder, who is surrounded by three baby Chimder, and… as they see you reach down… these babies, they have no idea that you mean their mother no harm, after having seen that you’ve already wounded her, pretty badly? And… they react violently to you, a perceived threat.

As you reach down, to cast a healing spell on the mother that you and your companions injured… one of the baby Chimder snaps at your hand. And you feel, just, a horrifying _fire_ spread through your fingers, into your hand, and then up your arm. And you yank your hand away from the mouth of this baby, only, you don’t yank it all away.

Because this baby Chimder has successfully bitten off the pinkie and ring finger on your left hand.

[Long pause]

 **Ned:** [quietly] Fuck.

 **Bruce:** [struggling to hold back laughter] Stony, do you have a healing spell?

 **Tony:** What the hell are you talking about? I’m not sticking my hand in there, too!

 **Bruce:** No, no! For Jak!

 **Tony:** Oh. [pause] Yeah, I have Cure Wounds, too.

 **Ned:** [distantly] _Fuck!_

[Peter laughing hard]

 **Steve:** [amused] Oops.

 **Ned:** It had to be me. It _had_ to be me.

 **Tony:** Can I cast Cure Wounds on Jak?

 **Ned:** Well, fuck, you’re not gonna grow me new _fingers!_

 **Peter:** Yeah, uh - [snickering] a normal healing spell isn’t going to work in this scenario. But, you all do have Jak, currently with two missing fingers that are just bleeding away, across a small space from you, separated by a sleeping Chimder and her three children, one of which is contentedly chewing on Jak’s separated fingers.

 **Ned:** [flatly] It’s _eating my fingers._

[Tony laughing; Bruce still trying not to laugh]

 **Steve:** Well, uh… can we cauterize his finger… holes?

 **Bruce:** Oh, yeah, that might work.

 **Ned:** No, _dammit,_ no more fucking magic. Someone just wrap my hand in bandages, please. Roll a medicine check. _Christ._

 **Steve:** Okay, okay. I’ll do it. Do I have to, uh, deal with these creatures, first?

 **Peter:** Yeah, uh, as you start around them, towards Jak, one of the babies hisses at you, pretty menacingly.

 **Steve:** I would like to kick it.

[Mixed noises of disbelief]

 **Tony:** [shouting] No! What are you _doing?_ You’ll get your damn leg gnawed off, next! Just - hell. I roll a stealth check, to get around the stupid dragon things, and get to Jak. [dice roll] That’s a 16.

 **Peter:** [amused] Okay. You successfully get around these Chimder to Jak.

 **Tony:** And I roll medicine, to try and wrap his hand. [dice roll] 20.

 **Peter:** And you manage to get his hand wrapped pretty securely in some linen.

 **Ned:** [distantly] Have I fainted from the pain, yet?

 **Peter:** No, you’re awake, still.

 **Ned:** _Fuck._ You can’t give me anything, can you?

> **Jak:** Dammit, this _hurts!_

**Peter:** Oh, fun! Jak, as you say that, the three baby Chimder turn to face where you and Stony are, behind them. They set their sights on you, realizing that the threats to their mother are still present, and now surrounding them.

And they are not happy.

 **Tony:** Seriously, Pete? The week of Christmas?

 **Peter:** Lemme just… roll initiative for these three new opponents, now…

[Ned groaning]

 **Steve:** Well, damn.

~ END OF TRANSMISSION - LOGGED DECEMBER 20th ~


	23. Chapter 2 - Session 6 - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second part of the random encounter continues, some real life information becomes known, and It Gets Worse!

~ START OF TRANSMISSION - AVENGERS COMPOUND - DECEMBER 26th ~

 **Ned:** Y’know, Christmas was so fun, I _almost_ forgot that Peter made me lose two fingers on my non-dominant hand the last time we did this. _Almost._

[Peter snorting]

 **Tony:** But you did have a good time yesterday?

 **Ned:** The best! Thank you again, Mr. Stark. My mom had fun, too, but she said that the tickets for a New Year’s trip to Hawaii were too much.

 **Tony:** Yeah, well.

 **Peter:** That’s what he gave your mom? He gave May a ticket to Hawaii, too.

[Pause]

 **Peter:** [amused] Mr. Stark, are you getting our guardians out of New York so that they insist that we check in with you, and thus spend time at the Compound?

 **Tony:** Uh…

 **Bruce:** Mm, I think that might have been his goal.

 **Steve:** Well played, Stark.

 **Bruce:** Peter, I appreciated the goggles you got me, by the way. I don't really know why we don't have any here at the labs. 

 **Peter:** You told me that already.

 **Bruce:** Oh, I did?

 **Tony:** That’s why he got you the ones with the nose, too. You’ve been inhaling too many fumes, Brucie. Also, we  _do_ have goggles, you just never use them. That's why Peter got you some that you can bring with you, so you don't forget about them. 

 **Bruce:** Fair.

 **Steve:** What did Peter give you, Tony?

 **Tony:** Some peace and quiet, for once. Meaning he didn’t go off to fight crime while everybody was celebrating, thank God.

 **Peter:** [muttered] The drug lords and Wilson Fisk must’ve been having a happy holiday, too, without the pesky Spider-Shit bothering their illicit activities.

 **Steve:** At least no one broke out of prison, right?

 **Peter:** That’s true. [sighing] Whatever.

 **Tony:** Should we get started with the D&D?

 **Ned:** Ah, yes, so I can lose another body part. Let’s do it.

 **Peter:** Uh, so, last week, we ended pretty abruptly, with some baby Chimder, which are dragon-pig hybrids, uh, getting ready to attack the four of you, after you all attacked their mother, and one of them bit off two of Jak’s fingers, even though he was trying to heal their mother.

Currently, that mother is still asleep, due to Stony’s spell that he cast, and uh… one of the baby Chimder is up first, in this adjusted initiative order. And it is going to attack… Stony, who is with Jak, on the opposite side of these four creatures from Pentan and Gray. [dice roll] That’s a 15?

 **Tony:** Y-yeah, that hits.

 **Peter:** Okay. This baby Chimder opens its mouth, and a spew of fire comes from it, getting you with… ouch, seven fire damage.

 **Tony:** Mm. Don’t like that. Okay.

 **Peter:** Doc?

 **Bruce:** I’m not… I’m not happy, with these things.

 **Peter:** [trying not to laugh] Okay?

 **Bruce:** They bit off my friend’s fingers. They set Stony’s pants on fire. I’m - I’m gonna have to hit it with something dangerous. Which means… I’m going to cast Frostbite on the one that just breathed fire.

 **Peter:** Okay. What - do I need to do anything?

 **Bruce:** Constitution saving throw against spell DC.

 **Peter:** Got it. [dice roll] Nine. Doesn’t do it, I don’t think.

 **Bruce:** It does not! [dice roll] And it takes six damage, and has disadvantage on the next attack it takes.

 **Peter:** Nice. Captain, you’re next.

 **Steve:** I guess I’ll stab one of the small Chimder. [dice roll] Eight?

 **Peter:** Mm, no. Not good enough.

 **Steve:** That’s fine. I will use my action surge to try again. [dice roll] And… that’s only a five. Hah. Moving on.

 **Peter:** All right. Uh… Mr. Stark, it’s you next.

 **Tony:** I’m standing with Jak?

 **Peter:** Yes, who is prone once again, I should mention, since you fell backwards, after the thing bit off your fingers.

 **Ned:** Mm, thanks for that, too.

 **Tony:** I guess… Am I five feet away from Bruce and Steve?

 **Peter:** Yeah, uh, you’re… we’ll say five feet from the Chimder, which puts you at 10 feet from your boys.

 **Tony:** Okay. In that case, I will cast… Thunderclap. The Chimder have to roll constitution saves.

 **Peter:** And Jak, does, too? ‘Cause he’s within five feet of you?

 **Tony:** I guess so.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh… I’m gonna give you disadvantage on this, Ned, because you were recently separated from your fingers, and I can’t imagine you’re up for much of anything.

 **Bruce:** Well, hold on. How does that affect his constitution?

 **Steve:** If he’s dealing with pain? That’s probably all he can think about.

 **Ned:** Yeah, it tracks. Unfortunately. Okay.

[dice rolling]

 **Ned:** I got an 18.

 **Tony:** That passes.

 **Peter:** Uh, the first Chimder got a nine, the second one also got an 18, and the third one only got a two, so, two of those hits land.

 **Tony:** Fantastic. They are dealt… three damage.

 **Peter:** All right. Uh, you see the Chimder that breathed fire kind of wobble, a little, and the one that’s standing closest to its mother also sort of looks dazed, for a second. As dazed as a weird dragon thing can look, anyway.

And, now, it is the second Chimder’s turn, the one that was not hit by the thunder damage. Uh… I think… yeah, okay. It turns, to look at Gray and Pentan, and it - it kind of kicks its back feet, a little? And then it charges towards you, Gray, with its head lowered. [dice roll] Mm, and that’s a crit.

 **Steve:** Fine.

 **Peter:** So, you are knocked down, and you also take… two damage.

 **Steve:** Pfft, that’s nothing. Give me another one!

 **Peter:** And then… oh, Jak. Do you want to give something a try?

 **Ned:** Am I capable of standing?

 **Peter:** Uh… [clicking tongue] Sure. Go ahead and roll a strength check for me.

 **Ned:** Cool. [dice roll] Oop, that’s a four.

 **Peter:** [amused] Sorry, that’s not gonna work.

 **Ned:** Yeah, fair enough.

 **Peter:** I mean -

 **Ned:** No, that’s - it’s fine, Peter. I stuck my hand in the… the Chimder den. I’m reaping what I sow.

 **Peter:** Next turn.

 **Ned:** Yeah, sure.

 **Peter:** Uh, so… we’re on the third Chimder baby, now, and I think it turns towards its mother, and like, starts nudging her with its nose? To try and wake her up.

 **Tony:** Shit, somebody stop it.

 **Peter:** And the Chimder baby that breathed fire is next, and it is going to take another shot at Stony, just like, trundle forward and try to swipe you with its claws. [dice roll] And that’s only a six.

 **Tony:** Miss!

 **Peter:** Right. Pentan, you are up.

 **Bruce:** I guess I am going to cast Magic Missile again, on the Chimder that’s trying to wake up its mother.

 **Peter:** First level?

 **Bruce:** Yeah. [dice roll] Three for four.

 **Peter:** Okay. Oh, boy. Uh, so, you all see these streaks of pure magical energy shoot out of Pentan’s wand, and make contact with this Chimder baby. And, uh, it is forced away from its mother, and it hits the ground three feet away, smoking and dead.

 **Tony:** Yes! One down, two to go.

 **Peter:** And Gray is up next.

 **Steve:** I will stand up, and stab the one that attacked me. [dice roll] 19!

 **Peter:** That definitely hits.

 **Steve:** For seven damage.

 **Peter:** All righty. Stony?

 **Tony:** I want to cast Cloud of Daggers on the area where the Chimder are standing.

 **Peter:** Uh… okay. That tracks. And what does that mean?

 **Tony:** It means, DM, that when these things start their turns there, they will be taking 4d4 slashing damage.

 **Peter:** Oh, wow. Okay. Uh… with that being said, it is actually that second one’s turn, and… go ahead and roll that damage, I guess.

 **Tony:** 10!

 **Peter:** And… half it, because these things have tough skin…

 **Tony:** [crosstalk] _What?_ Hold on, hold on, pump the fucking breaks, Pete.

 **Peter:** [crosstalk] For five damage instead.

 **Tony:** Since when - Bruce did not realize that they have tough skin in his natural 20 nature check last session!

 **Bruce:** Just let it go, Tone. You did it five damage, still.

 **Tony:** But it could be dead!

 **Peter:** This thing still has an action to take, and it goes over to its mother, and tries to wake her up as well. And… succeeds.

 **Steve:** Oh, come on.

 **Peter:** Uh, the Mama Chimder lumbers back into a standing position, sort of shaking her head, and, seeing that one of her babies is lying dead, nearby, uh, she is refueled with pissed off.

And, Ned, it is your turn again.

 **Ned:** Strength check?

 **Peter:** Uh, no. No, I’m - I think you’ve sort of gathered your senses enough, by now, to haul yourself to your feet.

 **Ned:** Fantastic. I’d like to cast Shield of Faith on my boy Stony. Since he wrapped my hand in a bandage.

 **Tony:** Oh, thank you!

 **Ned:** He gets plus two to his AC for the rest of the fight.

 **Peter:** That’s nice of you, Ned.

 **Ned:** Sure.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh… next up is… Mama Chimder. And she is going to spew fire at Pentan. [dice roll] 11!

 **Bruce:** Aha! I have 12 AC! You missed!

 **Peter:** [amused] Okay. We’re back to the top, then -

 **Tony:** Oh, wait! Mama Chimder has to take 4d4 damage. ‘Cause she’s in my cloud of daggers.

 **Peter:** Oh, right. Go ahead.

 **Tony:** Mm, 10 again. Which means _five,_ I guess.

 **Peter:** Right. Now we’re onto the first baby Chimder, who, following its mother’s lead… is going to spew fire at Jak. [dice roll] That’s a crit.

 **Ned:** [mumbled] Fantastic.

 **Peter:** Only nine damage.

 **Ned:** Oh, well, _go me!_

 **Tony:** It takes four damage.

 **Peter:** Got it. Doc?

> **Pentan:** I am over this, gentlemen. Shall I end it?
> 
> **Stony:** No shit, Robes!
> 
> **Pentan:** ‘kay.

**Bruce:** I cast Snilloc’s Snowball Swarm. All of the Chimder have to make dexterity saving throws.

 **Peter:** All right! [multiple die rolling] Uh… none of them passed.

 **Bruce:** Great. [dice roll] They all take 17 points of damage.

 **Peter:** Holy shit!

 **Tony:** What were you _doing_ this whole time?

 **Bruce:** Excuse me? I believe, ahem, that I killed _all four enemies._

 **Peter:** Yeah, uh… they’re all dead. Your - your snowballs got ‘em good. That damage was doubled, by the way, because these things had a weakness to cold damage, so… they are super dead.

 **Tony:** Why didn’t you just cast that in the first place?

> **Pentan:** I don’t have 2nd level spell slots to _burn,_  darling!

[Laughter]

 **Peter:** Okay. Good job, everybody. You all did fantastic.

 **Tony:** Could I play Song of Rest, now, to heal us some points?

 **Peter:** [amused] Yes. Go ahead.

 **Tony:** Great. I whip out my lute, and play… uhm, let’s say [ _Carol of the Bells_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAFfS5Ev15I) _,_ to be in tune with the holiday season. And everybody gets… four hit points back.

 **Steve:** Back up to full, then. Thanks, Tony.

 **Tony:** Yeah, whatever. I just wanted to use that for the first time.

[Ned quietly humming _Carol of the Bells_ ]

 **Bruce:** Ned is on the ground with missing fingers.

 **Ned:** I’m okay, Doc.

 **Peter:** Uh, as you all are sort of sitting around, recovering from the battle that you just dealt with, Ben appears, rubbing at his eyes. He blinks when he sees all of you, and the dead bodies of the four Chimder, and he says,

> **Ben:** The hell _happened?_

**Peter:** And… let’s do a time jump.

It’s the next day. You all were able to get some more rest, after the events with the Chimder, and the following morning, the Legionnaires set out again, Jak lying in the back of one of the wagons. Jak’s not feeling so good; Annis is worried that he might have an infection, and so the group traveled double-time to reach the Capital, and get Jak better medical treatment than what was available.

And so, after maybe four hours or so, the caravan comes within sights of the gates of the Capital, which means that they turn off of the road, and enter the forest once again, to find a clearing to make up camp.

Whenever the Legionnaires travel somewhere, it’s usually with the intention of doing a job that was already given to them. In this case, there is no job waiting to be done. In fact, the only reason that Annis agreed to bring the group to the Capital was because Gray said that it was where Violet might come looking for you all. As such, with no instructions to give to the rest of the group, Annis orders the four of you to head right into the city, to get Jak the help that he needs.

The person who would be most likely to get you to somewhere with the sort of supplies Jak needs would be Garrick, but he doesn’t feel comfortable entering the city, knowing that _someone_ in the castle wants him dead, and that the only people who know he exists are also inside the castle, which means… going into the city where the castle is himself is probably not the smartest option.

Which means he can give you advice on where to take Jak, which is what he does, and uh… that’s where we’ll continue, with the four of you entering the Capital, for the first time in some cases. I don’t know - Pentan has probably been here before, because of how prestigious his family is, but I’m not sure about the rest of you. Stony maybe has been here, for a performance? Maybe not as a solo bard, but with your troupe?

 **Tony:** Mm, I guess it’s possible. I don’t know how popular my troupe was, whether we were Capital material, but maybe.

 **Peter:** I guess we can say that your father tried to get you shows here, multiple times, but none of those deals ever really worked out? The Capital, at least, the performance houses there, are built more for ‘classical shows’, which… I think your troupe was not?

 **Tony:** Right. We weren’t, like, you have to dress nice and play quiet, soothing music performers. We were loud, play what the fuck we wanted performers, and _normal people_ enjoy that.

 **Peter:** [amused] Right. Uh, and Pentan, you’ve definitely been here before.

 **Bruce:** Yes, probably. Not enough to know my way around or anything like that, but I’ve accompanied my father here more than once, sure. At least, until my magic manifested.

 **Peter:** And then you went away to the Academy, so that’s understandable. Jak and Gray, you most likely haven’t been to the Capital before, just because… why would you have, right?

 **Steve:** Yeah, that’s probably fair. Even if the Legionnaires ever got close to the Capital, at any point, uh, I probably didn’t go into the city itself.

 **Ned:** And Jak probably rarely leaves Quora, so.

 **Peter:** Right. So, uh, none of you really have any idea of how to navigate this city, which is just… awful? Like, it is overpopulated, the buildings are incredibly close together, at least in this lower part. Uh, it’s just… it’s very gross, and you can all tell that this place is definitely not being maintained very efficiently, and uh - well, I’ll let you guys draw whatever conclusions you want to from that.

But, yeah. the Capital is congested with people, the streets are littered with trash, and it is just a convoluted cesspit that none of you really know how to navigate, and you have a wounded and possibly infected Jak with you, who needs medical attention.

What do you do?

 **Steve:** Well -

[Phone ringing, distantly]

 **Tony:** Mm, Pete?

 **Peter:** Sorry, hold on a second. Hello? [growing distant] Hey, I’m in the middle of a D&D session, but what’s up?

 **Ned:** [teasingly] It’s his _girlfriend._

 **Tony:** He has a _girlfriend?_

 **Ned:** Yeah! Her name is Cheryl Schultz. He - he hasn’t mentioned her to you?

 **Steve:** Schultz? Like the [ _Peanuts_ comic](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peanuts) writer?

 **Ned:** Kind of neat, right? We've known her for awhile. She’s really nice, level-headed, which is good for Peter, I think. He really didn’t tell you about her, Mr. Stark?

 **Tony:** No. He didn’t.

 **Ned:** Weird. Seems like that’s something he’d tell you.

 **Tony:** It does, doesn’t it?

 **Bruce:** How long have they been dating?

 **Ned:** Since August, I think? Harry introduced her to us, her freshman year; I think they went to high school together. She just kind of was always around, after that. In August, though, Peter asked her on a date, and she said yes.

 **Bruce:** So she’s in college.

 **Ned:** Yeah, on a scholarship, too. Her mom’s a single parent, so they’ve always sort of had money problems. Her mom was at MIT, but it’s been hard for her to find a steady job. She’s been working at Oscorp for a while now, though.

 **Tony:** Hm. Rhodey and I went to MIT. I wonder what year she graduated.

 **Peter:** Awhile after you.

 **Tony:** Back already? Interesting.

 **Peter:** Not… not really? She respects my D&D time.

 **Tony:** So, Resident Child Figure, who is this girl? Do I need to sit her down, have a talk with her about how to treat you right?

 **Peter:** Please don’t. She’s - I like her a lot. That’s all you need to know, okay?

 **Tony:** You’ve been dating for four months, and you didn’t invite her to Christmas. I can’t believe you, Peter Parker. Invite her to dinner here at the Compound, sometime. We’d all like to meet her, right boys?

 **Steve:** Tony -

 **Bruce:** Sure we would! And Ned seems to think she’s perfect for you.

 **Ned:** That is not what I said.

 **Tony:** How about New Year’s?

 **Peter:** Mr. Stark, I don’t know if she’s ready for that sort of thing.

 **Tony:** What do you mean, not ready for it? She’s going to need to be ready for a lot of things, if she’s dating Spider-Man.

[Pause]

 **Tony:** Peter? Have you told her?

 **Peter:** Well… not yet?

 **Bruce:** Oh, Peter…

 **Peter:** I didn’t want to scare her off! I really, really like this girl, okay? And I was worried that telling her that I could climb walls and stuff would freak her out, so I didn’t, and I don’t… don’t really have plans to, either.

[Tony sighing]

 **Peter:** It isn’t even that I don’t trust her to keep it to herself. Of course I do. That is the last thing I’m worried about, when it comes to maybe telling her. It’s - I just don’t want her to… y’know.

 **Tony:** I think the best way to know if she’s in this for the long haul is to tell her. Spider-Man, fighting crime, saving the day? It’s a major part of your life, and if she’s not willing to deal with that, then she isn’t the girl for you.

 **Steve:** I think he might be right, Peter. I know it’s a confidentiality issue, too, but if you trust her as much as you say you do, then that shouldn’t be a problem, right?

 **Peter:** No, it wouldn’t be.

 **Tony:** So, tell her. Before you get too invested, and then it’s worse than it could be, you know?

 **Peter:** … that’s - all right. I get it. You’re right. But uh - I can worry about it later. We’re still playing D&D, right now. Which means that question I asked you guys before Cheri called stands; what do you do?


	24. Chapter 2 - Session 6 - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Quaternity tried to navigate the Capital, and It Gets Worse!

**Steve:** I was gonna ask if Garrick gave us a name or something, pertaining to the place we should take Ned.

 **Peter:** Uh, I mean, he tried? But Garrick hasn’t been back to the Capital in a long time, and so he wasn’t positive of any changes that might have occured, or whatever, right? So, uh, he’d directed you towards, like, not necessarily the richest area of the city, but like, the area between this slummy part and the richest area. That was where most of the herbalists and apothecaries had their shops, when he still lived in the castle.

 **Tony:** And that’s where we need to go?

 **Peter:** Yeah, to get whatever Jak needs to stop a possible infection from spreading.

 **Bruce:** Okay, then we should start by trying to get to that area of the city, then.

[Pause]

 **Ned:** [laughing] Yeah, but how do we do that, if we have no idea where we’re going?

 **Bruce:** Well, could I roll a check, to see if my visits here have taught me _anything_ about navigating the city?

 **Peter:** I mean, sure, but I’m not positive of what that roll would be…

 **Ned:** A history check, maybe?

 **Peter:** Mm, I dunno. I feel like investigation might be closer… uh, okay, how about this? We’re - obviously, there’s a place you all need to be before so and so time, because Jak’s fingers are missing and the wound might be infected… so if you all want to just wander the city, like, go down certain streets, talk to people you meet, and just see what you can discover by roleplaying, that would be fine.

But I’m gonna say that… uh… okay. Here’s where we are.

You entered the Capital through the main gate, meaning that you are in, like, the first sort of marketplace, square-type thing that this city has to offer. Because of the amount of people who live in this part of the Capital, it is packed, like I said before. There are merchants all over the place, standing behind wooden stands and hawking their items for sale. Uh, and there are just normal citizens, doing their shopping and generally being annoyed by one another.

Branching off from this main square are three different alleyway looking things? And people are constantly coming and going from all of these different directions. There aren’t any directional signs, telling you where each alley leads, but obviously, they go to different areas of the city that are not this main, poor-part-of-town marketplace.

So, what I’ll let you do is… you can explore two of those alleyways, see if either of the ones you choose takes you where you want to go. If it does, great, you’re there. If it doesn’t, uh… there will be a penalty. Or, you can talk to three different people, in this main area, and try to discern which direction you can take. If you ask good enough question, I’ll give you good enough answers that will give you where you want to go.

But it is up to you. Obviously, just going straight for the alleyways is the quicker option, but talking to three people might be the smarter option.

[Pause]

 **Bruce:** Does anyone else feel like that was a lot of information to process? [laughs]

 **Steve:** Could we split up? Like, two of us talk to people, and two of us check the two alleys? Or is it a group thing?

 **Peter:** I don’t think you’d want to check the alleys on your own, because you will get lost, and separated from the rest of the party. I will let you talk to three different people at the same time, though, if you want. But, you’ll only get to ask each person you choose one question, each.

 **Tony:** Oh, yikes.

 **Ned:** Y’know what? I say we just go for the alleys.

 **Tony:** What, seriously? This is your character’s life on the line.

 **Ned:** I know that, but I mean, we have two of three chances to pick the right one. Peter, what directions do the alleys branch off in?

 **Peter:** You have one that goes east, one that goes west, and one that goes north.

 **Bruce:** North!

 **Tony:** Yeah, I feel like that make sense.

 **Steve:** Well, what if we talk to one person, and then check an alleyway? Would we still be able to do the other one, if we end up being wrong?

 **Peter:** Yeah, if you only talk to one person.

 **Steve;** I like that option the best, I think.

 **Bruce:** Yeah, me too. Okay, uh… I’m gonna roll… perception, to see if I can kind of spot somebody who looks like they might have the most helpful answer.

 **Peter:** All right, go for it.

 **Bruce:** 14.

 **Peter:** Okay, so… with that roll, you sort of examine the people in this crowd, as best you can, and you narrow your options down to three candidates. One of them is a merchant, who has sort of claimed a higher piece of ground, and is hawking his wares from a raised platform near the west alleyway. Another is a man who is wearing pretty expensive clothing, which makes him look out of place in this raggedy crowd of shoppers.

The third is a young woman, who is carrying a wooden basket that is loaded with different greenery. You can’t tell from this distance, or from that roll, what the greenery is, exactly, like if its herbs or vegetables or whatnot, but she has a basket of plants, and she is starting to walk towards the north alleyway.

 **Tony:** The lady.

 **Bruce:** You think?

 **Tony:** Yes. She has a basket of plants, plants make medicine, medicine is what we’re looking for. She has to know something.

 **Steve:** See, but if Garrick was right about the location of the apothecary shops, it would make more sense to talk to the rich guy, because he probably knows that area of the city, and would be able to tell us how to get there, right?

 **Ned:** Mm, see, I was thinking the merchant was promising. Why would he have staked a claim in a spot near the west alley unless richer shoppers frequent that area? To get back to their homes.

 **Bruce:** But why would the apothecary shops be near the homes of the rich people?

 **Tony:** I thought they were in the place between the poor part and the rich part. We should talk to the lady. I’m sticking by that choice.

 **Steve:** I… I guess that makes sense? But what if she’s - we can’t tell what the plants are. They could just be part of a salad that she’s going to make later on, or something.

 **Bruce:** To be fair, any of these people will probably know how to get where we need to go.

 **Tony:** But it’s safe to say that if we talk to the right person, we might get more information, and maybe even some help. If that lady is, like, an apprentice herbalist or something, she might be willing to get us what we need for Jak.

 **Ned:** Is that a possibility, Peter?

 **Peter:** It depends on the interaction you have with her, and whether or not she is who you think she might be.

 **Bruce:** This is a lot more difficult a choice than it should be.

 **Tony;** Okay, let’s - who’re the two we’re more invested in?

 **Steve:** The lady and the rich man.

 **Ned:** Yeah, I guess so.

 **Tony:** All right. I’m gonna roll a six-sided die; 1-3, we talk to the lady, 4-6, we talk to the rich dude.

[Sounds of protest]

 **Tony:** Well, we’re not going to make up our minds, otherwise!

 **Bruce:** Then let Peter do it; you're very adamant about talking to the woman, and I don’t trust you!

 **Ned;** I don’t trust _this._  My life is on the line!

 **Steve:** We’re wasting time talking about it. Roll a die, Peter.

 **Peter:** You sure?

[Tony & Steve saying “Yes”; Bruce sighing]

 **Peter:** Okay. [dice roll] That is a 2.

 **Ned:** Lady it is, I guess.

 **Steve:** All right. Who [laughing slightly] has the best charisma?

 **Tony:** Uh -

 **Bruce:** That’s probably not even a question.

 **Tony:** I am a bard. It’s a plus three, on rolls that I don’t have proficiency in. Which is like, one of them. Yeah. I only have a plus three on intimidation checks. Everything else is a plus five.

 **Steve:** Okay. You - well, I don’t even know if we’ll need to roll anything during this interaction, really. We just need to ask good questions.

 **Peter:** Right.

 **Tony:** Yep, I got it. Leave it to me.

 **Peter:** So you go over to the woman with the basket?

 **Tony:** I do, and I do my best to look confused and kicked puppy-like, y’know? And I get her attention, and then I say,

> **Stony:** Ma’am? Sorry to bother you, interrupt your shopping trip, but uh… [getting choked up] My friend has a pretty serious injury, and none of our party have any idea of how to navigate this city. Could you point us in the direction of the closest apothecary, please?

[Ned struggling not to laugh; Bruce wheezing]

 **Peter:** [smiling] Uh, roll performance for me.

 **Tony:** Aw, what?

 **Peter:** You are definitely not this upset about Jak’s injury! You are putting on a show.

 **Tony:** [sighing] Whatever. Fine. I have a plus five on that one, anyway. [dice roll] Uh… oh.

 **Steve:** [groaning] [quietly] Oh, God…

 **Peter:** What’s the roll?

 **Tony:** Uh… it’s… not good? An eight?

[Ned wheezing; someone hitting a hard surface; Bruce laughing/crying]

 **Peter:** Uhm [laughs] that doesn’t… doesn’t get you much.

 **Tony:** Yeah. Lay it on me, DM.

 **Peter:** So… [snorts] Okay. Uh, this woman, up close, you can tell that she’s kind of frantic? Like, she looks hurried, and annoyed with the crowds, and she really isn’t impressed with the sort of display that you’re putting on. So, rather than responding the way you probably intended her to, uh, she kind of scoffs a little, and then jerks her basket vaguely in the direction of the western alleyway, but also kind of the northern one, too? Like, she clearly does not have time for you.

And uh, she pushes her way around you, and disappears into the crowd of people.

 **Tony:** I drag my sorry ass back to the rest of the group.

 **Bruce:** Pentan pats Stony on the shoulder in a comforting way, and say,

> **Pentan:** Next time.
> 
> **Stony:** [mumbling] I’m just out of practice, is all.
> 
> **Pentan:** Of course that’s all it is.

**Peter:** Uh, so, that was your interaction with a single person. You can talk to two more people, or you can check out one of the alleyways. I will say, though, that up until this point, Ned - Jak - you were doing a pretty good job of keeping your own two feet, without any support, but now you’re starting to get a little woozy. A little sleepy. And your eyes are drooping, and you’re starting to sway a bit.

 **Ned:** Noted. Pick up the pace, valiant friends of mine.

 **Steve:** I say we check the northern alley.

 **Bruce:** But the merchant -

 **Steve:** Why would a city be built that way?

 **Bruce:** Because Peter knew we’d go for the obvious choice of north?

[Peter snickering]

 **Tony:** I mean, we can check both, right?

 **Ned:** [sing-song] I’m getting _sleepy…_

 **Bruce:** North. North it is. Let’s just go for it.

 **Peter:** You’re going north?

 **Tony:** We’re going north.

 **Peter:** All right, you head north. Is somebody supporting Jak, by this point?

 **Steve:** I am.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh, you… push your way through the crowds of people to the northern alley, and you… walk up it. And when you come out on the other side, it is like you are in a completely different place. This part of the Capital looks like a hospital versus the nastiness of the marketplace you were just in. You have no idea what prevents that same gross from entering this square, but whatever it is, it has worked out well.

And rather than having stalls in this area, there are actual buildings. Buildings of sturdy architecture, made out of stone, with stone roofs. Some of them are painted. And just standing where you are, in the sort of opening of the alleyway leading into this square, you can smell all sorts of different things, and you can all tell, pretty quickly, that this is the place you were looking for.

[Sighs of relief]

 **Peter:** There are six buildings in the square, some of the them larger, some relatively small, and they all have the front doors shut, but there are signs hanging from each one, giving each building a name. And two of these buildings include the word ‘apothecary’ in their name.

What do you do?

 **Bruce:** This is too much decision making for me. We had to fight things earlier, Tony had to give dad advice, and now we’re trying to make sure our friend doesn’t die by choosing the right things!

 **Steve:** It’s fine. We’ve gotten this far. How’s Jak feeling?

 **Peter:** Uh, roll constitution for me, Jak.

 **Ned:** 11.

 **Peter:** The amount of Jak’s weight that you are supporting, Gray, is increasing pretty significantly.

> **Gray:** [strained] Just pick one!
> 
> **Stony:** Okay, okay. Shit.

**Tony:** I walk towards the closest building with ‘apothecary’ in the name.

 **Steve:** Yeah, and I lead Jak after him.

 **Peter:** Okay. The closest one is actually the smaller of the two buildings that stated they were an apothecary of some kind. It is not painted, unlike the majority of these buildings, although the sign itself is intricately designed. And the name of this building, according to this beautifully painted sign, is The Healing Cauldron: Apothecary and Herbal Remedies.

 **Tony:** I push the door open. Or pull it open. Whichever it requires.

 **Peter:** It’s a pull. You pull the door open, and enter into a pretty simple space. This is a shop of sorts, and what you have entered into is clearly the front of the shop. There is a wooden counter across the room from you, and behind that counter is just a wall that is all shelf, and is loaded with different sized bottles, that are carrying a variety of plants and mixtures, both solid and liquid.

And standing behind this counter is an older woman, you’d say maybe in her late thirties, early forties. She has an apron on, and she is currently grinding up what looks to be some sort of herb in a mortar and pestle, but she looks up, as you enter her shop, and she says,

> **Apothecary:** Well, you’re in need of help, aren’t you?

**Peter:** And this statement was sort of directed at all of you, but she is looking at Jak.

> **Gray:** He uh -
> 
> **Pentan:** A Chimder bit off his fingers, last night.
> 
> **Apothecary:** Mm, that doesn’t sound like it was much fun. Hold on a moment.

**Peter:** And she puts the mortar and pestle off to the side, and turns to the shelves behind her, examining the bottles there for a moment. She pulls down a couple, pulls the stopped out of one, sniffs it, shakes her head, puts it back, but keeps another.

After a couple of moments, she turn away from the shelves, and then she comes around the counter to where you all are standing. Uh, and she grabs for Jak’s bandaged hand, and like, examines the wrapping for a second, her brow furrowing. And she says,

> **Apothecary:** Who rolled the medicine check on this?

[Laughter]

> **Stony:** Not super important, right?
> 
> **Apothecary:** [Peter smiling] Follow me.

**Peter:** And she heads for a door that is to the right of the counter, and disappears through it into a back room.

 **Steve:** I follow her, still supporting Jak.

 **Peter:** All right. This back room is smaller than the front of the shop. There are two cots in there, placed on opposite walls. They both have tiny tables next to them, uh, and neither one is occupied. And the woman gestures to one of them, and she says,

> **Apothecary:** Set him down here.

**Steve:** I will do that.

 **Peter:** All right. Jak, do you sit still?

 **Ned:** If she plans on fixing my hand, of course!

 **Peter:** [amused] Okay. So, you settle down on the cot, and this woman starts to unwrap the bandage with one hand, while simultaneously threading a needle that she’s holding in her teeth with her other hand? It’s pretty impressive, that she’s managing to do this, actually.

And the rest of you, when this bandage is fully undone and kind of falls to the ground, you can all see just how bad this wound of Jak’s is. The area where his fingers used to be have not healed in the slightest, and are just two gaping holes that are kind of leaking blood and pus, now that the bandage is gone? And the rest of his hand is, like, black, almost. This bite wound very clearly got an infection, from something.

And the woman sort of clicks her tongue, and sets her threaded needle down, and reaches for that jar that she grabbed from the shelves in the front room. And she - I think she kind of looks at you, Jak, winces a little, and says,

> **Apothecary:** Sorry I don’t have anything for you to bite down on. This is gonna hurt bad.

**Peter:** And she douses the wound just straight on with this mixture in the bottle. And Jak, your hand, and then your arm, and then your _chest,_ just… explode with a pain that you didn’t know was even possible to experience. It is like there is a fire coursing through your whole body.

 **Bruce:** Uh, I think Pentan  is very interested by this whole thing, but quickly grows concerned when he sees how much agony this is causing Jak? And he says,

> **Pentan:** What’s in that mixture of yours?
> 
> **Apothecary:** Something that’s countering the infection that’s in his bloodstream. I’m unsure of whether the infection was born of the bite from the creature itself, or from something that might have entered the wound afterwards, so I figured it was best to use my cure-all.

**Peter:** Ned, could you roll constitution for me, again?

 **Ned:** Okay. [dice roll] 18.

 **Peter:** All right, so you remain awake, despite this excruciating pain, even though I’m sure you’d much rather have passed out, uh, and you see the woman set the bottle down, on the table, and pick up the needle and thread, again.

 **Tony:** Uh, before she can start doing anything, can we get him something to bite down on? That might be helpful.

 **Bruce:** Well, do you want something to bite down on?

 **Ned:** I’d rather just get this over with, if I’m being honest.

 **Tony:** Well, fine! Jeez, you try to do a nice thing.

 **Peter:** So, this woman, this apothecary, she takes your arm in her hand, and starts to sew up the injury. And while she’s doing this, she looks over at you, Pentan, and she says.

> **Apothecary:** You know what linen bandages are, I assume.
> 
> **Pentan:** I mean, I hope so.
> 
> **Apothecary:** There are some in that cabinet over there.

**Peter:** And she jerks her head towards it.

 **Bruce:** Okay. Pentan goes and gets them.

 **Peter:** And you do. You bring them over to her, and get a close up of the work she’s doing on Jak’s wound, and a close up of the wound itself. In short terms, it is not pretty, but already, it seems like the concoction she poured onto it is working, because the black color that was beginning to take over his hand has begun to retreat.

 **Ned:** Question. Did you roll a medicine check in order to do this, or is this just happening?

 **Peter:** It’s just happening. She is - I mean, she’s an apothecary. It seems kind of redundant to make a medicine check to do what she literally only does.

 **Ned:** Fair enough.

 **Peter:** She sews your injury up within five minutes, though, and then she rewraps your hand in the bandages that Pentan brought to her. And when that is finished, she sort sighs to herself, and wipes at her brow with the back of her hand, and turns to look at the rest of you. And she says,

> **Apothecary:** He should be all right. I suppose I don’t want to know why he was fighting a Chimder?
> 
> **Stony:** It really isn’t that interesting of a story.

**Peter:** Uh, she nods, and then gestures to his hand, and says,

> **Apothecary:** You’ll want to change his bandages twice a day. The stitches are magic; they should dissolve within the next week or so. Everytime you change his bandage, I want you to pour more of this on the wound.

**Peter:** And she hands that bottle she used to you, Pentan. She says,

> **Apothecary:** You don’t need to use as much as I did this first time around, though, obviously. It seems to be working already, which is good. If the color in his hand hadn’t begun regulating by now, I would’ve been concerned that I’d have to take the whole appendage off, so you’re lucky, there.
> 
> **Jak:** [grunting]
> 
> **Apothecary:** Now, about payment for this whole mess.

**Tony:** Oh…

 **Steve:** Uh…

 **Bruce:** [laughing] Whoops! Forgot that we’re broke, didn’t we?

[Tony sighing]

 **Steve:** I knew it couldn’t be that easy.

~ END OF TRANSMISSION - LOGGED DECEMBER 26th ~


	25. SYSTEM NOTIFICATIONS

~ SYSTEM NOTIFICATIONS - AVENGERS COMPOUND - DECEMBER 31st ~

~ DETECTING NEW ORGANIC LIFEFORM  ~

~ PERFORMING VOCAL RECOGNITION SEQUENCE FOR CHERYL M. SCHULTZ ~ 

~ VOCAL RECOGNITION SEQUENCE COMPLETED; CHERYL M. SCHULTZ NOW RECOGNIZED ~

~ TRANSCRIPTION SCREEN NAME FOR CHERYL M. SCHULTZ HAS BEEN UPDATED BY ADMINISTRATOR: ANTHONY E. STARK ~

~ END OF SYSTEM NOTIFICATIONS - DECEMBER 31st ~


	26. Chapter 2 - Session 7 - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody meets Cheri, and It Gets Worse!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody, it's ScribbleWiggy, your author, your technical DM, and your very sincerely sorry for creating an OC when literally one did not need to exist best friend.  
> At least I didn't make her a superhero. The thought occurred, believe you me, but I resisted.

~ START OF TRANSMISSION - AVENGERS COMPOUND - JANUARY 1st ~

 **Tony:** [cheerfully] Happy New Year, everybody!

 **Bruce:** [tiredly] We didn’t all stay awake until one in the morning just for you to scream the same thing you were screaming at us last night again, Tone. Ease up, would you?

 **Tony:** Sorry, sorry. Just thought I’d start out this new year with some joyful mid-morning yelling. And, how did everyone sleep? Children?

 **Ned:** Like a rock. Have I mentioned before how glad I am that this place has so many extra bedrooms?

 **Tony:** And you, Mr. Parker?

[Pause]

 **Tony:** Peter?

 **Peter:** Mr. Stark -

 **Tony:** Has Ms. Schultz made an appearance yet, this morning?

 **Steve:** Tony, lay off of him.

 **Peter:** Could you please, just, not? Be the worst? For once? You - honestly, Mr. Stark. _Please._

 **Tony:** I was just asking a question!

 **Peter:** There was an implication behind that question that you and I both know shouldn’t have been there.

 **Tony:** What? _What?_ Is there a _reason_ I would have implied anything?

 **Ned:** [slow realization] Oh, God…

 **Bruce:** What?

 **Ned:** [muffled] Oh, no!

 **Peter:** Ned, please don’t. Just… don’t.

 **Bruce:** What? I want to know!

 **Ned:** [barely audible] Mr. Stark caught Peter and Cheri making out last night.

 **Steve:** Wait, what?

 **Peter:** Ned, I swear to God - oh! Uh, hey. [quiet, inaudible speaking] Oh, hah. I know, this is earlier than we usually start. How’d you sleep? [quiet, inaudible speaking] That’s good; I’ll let him know.

 **Tony:** [clapping; gleefully] Oh, she’s in there with him!

 **Steve:** Tony, c’mon.

 **Tony:** What? I was just commenting. Hey, Pete, give her a headset, let her sit in for a session!

[Indiscernible]

 **Peter:** What? Oh, no, Mr. Stark’s just - y’know.

 **Tony:** Peter Parker. Give your girlfriend a headset, and let her join in on the fun. She’s at the Compound, to spend time with you, and since you’re going to play D&D with us, you should let her in, too!

[Peter sighing; quiet shuffling]

 **Steve:** Peter, you don’t have to listen to him.

 **Tony:** Sure he does! Good morning, Cheri!

 **Cheri:** Uh, morning, Mr. Stark. Wow, for… you’re a lot more awake than I am, that’s for sure.

 **Tony:** Ah, well, I function best on less than six hours of sleep. How about you, sleep good? Bed okay?

 **Cheri:** Yeah, it was great! Thanks for letting me crash here. I could’ve gone home, but I don’t like driving in the dark. So, thank you.

 **Bruce:** You’re welcome anytime, right Tony?

 **Tony:** Of course. Whenever you want!

 **Cheri:** [smiling] Thanks.

 **Peter:** Hey, you - I can - we don’t have to do this today. I can just hang out with you, and we’ll do the next session later, if you want.

 **Cheri:** No! I mean, I don’t want to get in the way of your thing. I won’t bother you, I promise. I can even leave, if you want.

[Multiple people saying “No!”]

 **Cheri:** Oh, uh, okay? I just - I know I’m an outsider, so I don’t know if you’d want me listening in.

 **Tony:** It was my idea that you do so! Maybe you can help make Pete ease up on us.

[Cheri chuckling; Peter sighing]

 **Ned:** It’ll be fun, Cheri. Like director’s commentary on a DVD, or whatever, sort of? Only not really. I don’t - uh- I don’t talk to girls.

 **Cheri:** [amused] You’re doing all right; I wouldn’t worry about it. I’ll let you guys get started. Just pretend I’m not here.

[Inaudible; Cheri laughing]

 **Peter:** What?

 **Cheri:** It’s fine, Pete. Really. I’m not worried about it, and obviously Mr. Stark isn’t, either.

 **Tony:** What, the whole me walking in on your guys tongue wrestling last night? Nah, not a big deal! Made me remember my own wild college New Year’s parties! I’m sorry I interrupted.

 **Peter:** Mm. So, that, uh, explains those condoms I found in my room when I headed upstairs, then?

 **Tony:** Condoms? I don’t remember anything about condoms.

 **Steve:** [muffled] Suddenly _I’m_ in hell.

 **Ned:** Believe me, Cap, I’m right there with you.

 **Cheri:** Oh, God, Captain America!

 **Steve:** [warily] Uh, yes?

 **Cheri:** Sorry, sorry. Yeesh. I just - I forgot that you do this D&D thing, too. That - wow.

 **Peter:** Captain Rogers, you make my girlfriend more flustered than I do, and I don’t think it’s very fair.

 **Cheri:** I’m sorry. Sorry. You’re amazing, Pete, you know that. It’s just - [stage whispering] it’s Steve Rogers!

 **Steve:** [amused] Believe me, ma’am, you’re not the only one who reacts this way. You’ll get used to me, when you realize how big a child I am, behind the, uh, beefy exterior.

 **Cheri:** [hushed] I’m not a ma’am. Peter? Peter, he called me ‘ma’am’!

 **Bruce:** This is fun.

 **Ned:** I like not being the one embarrassed by the star-struck-ness from Captain America.

 **Cheri:** You think I’d be able to get over myself by now. Oh well.

 **Peter:** If we’re going to sit here and play D&D, shouldn’t we actually be doing that?

 **Tony:** Touchy! We’re just conversing, Peter. Aren’t we allowed to do that?

 **Peter:** Well, no! Because you said that we needed to do a session today, and I said, “Fine.” even though I felt bad, because it meant that I wouldn’t be paying as much attention to my girlfriend! And since we’re not doing that, and we’re just sitting here, I’m kinda annoyed.

 **Cheri:** Pete, it’s _fine._ I’m sitting right next to you. It isn’t as though I’m here at the Compound, and you’re completely ignoring my presence. This is fun, promise.

 **Peter:** [sighing] Sorry. Sorry, guys. I’m just - last night was… nuts, and then I didn’t sleep very well. That’s all.

 **Tony:** Forgiven. Cheri, I didn’t get to ask, last night, but Peter mentioned your mom went to MIT?

 **Cheri:** Yeah, uh, I think she graduated, like, five years after you did, though, so she’s - I mean, I doubt you ever ran into one another. Unless you were both speakers at a graduation, or something, I dunno. She kind of stopped doing that, though, after I was born. The last one she was at was the 2001 graduation, I think.

 **Tony:** I honestly can’t remember if I spoke at that one. There’s been a lot of them.

 **Cheri:** [smiling] Yeah. I told her that I was spending New Year’s at the Avengers Compound, and she said, “Like, Tony Stark’s Avengers Compound?” so, she knows who you are. But, I guess everyone does. I dunno.

 **Tony:** I wish I could say I remember her. What’s her first name?

 **Cheri:** Isabel.

 **Tony:** Mm… yeah, no. Sorry.

 **Bruce:** God, Tony.

 **Tony:** What? I’m sorry if I can’t remember someone I might not have ever met! Yeesh.

 **Bruce:** And, they’re not Tony Stark’s Avengers.

 **Tony:** But it _is_ Tony Stark’s Avengers Compound.

 **Peter:** Uh, hold on, you didn’t say anything else to your mom, right? Like, she didn’t ask question about why we’d even be at the Compound?

 **Cheri:** Pete…

 **Peter:** I know, sorry. Just - it’s kind of new for me, having people know who aren’t my best friend or my aunt, or other superheros?

 **Cheri:** I would never tell my mom about you, unless you wanted me to. I wouldn’t tell anybody, ever. I told her that you work for Mr. Stark, and that it was a big Stark Industries party, where workers were going to get to meet the Avengers. It’s fine.

 **Peter:** Okay. I know. I shouldn’t even have asked, that was… that wasn’t necessary, was it? I’m an asshole.

 **Cheri:** No, you’re not. It was a completely understandable question. Like I said before, though - I’m glad you told me, and I will definitely keep it to myself. Forever, if you want me to. Okay?

 **Peter:** [smiling] Okay.

 **Tony:** Mm, but you totally had some suspicions before he told you, right?

 **Cheri:** [flatly] Well, yeah. Duh. I’m not an idiot.

 **Peter:** Yeah, I really don’t give you enough credit for not asking before. Thanks for that.

 **Cheri:** You’re welcome. You just weren’t ready. Uh… I’m actually starving? So, I’ll go away for a minute, now, to let you guys get started, while I go make something to eat. That’s - that’s okay, right?

 **Tony:** Just don’t store anything you completely ruin in any of the fridges. We had a problem with that, once or twice, and the whole floor started to stink.

 **Steve:** [patiently] How many times does Bucky have to apologize for that?

 **Cheri:** Okay. I’ll be right back.

[Pause]

 **Ned:** I will bet five dollars that Peter just watched her leave the room!

 **Bruce:** Please, I’d bet at _least_ ten.

 **Peter:** So what, you assholes? I like her a lot.

 **Tony:** Yeah, I think we all can tell. That’s good, Pete. She’s really great, from what I’ve gauged so far.

 **Peter:** Thanks, Mr. Stark. Not that I need your approval, or anything, but uh… I guess it’s good to know that you do approve?

 **Tony:** For sure. You chose good, kid. Don’t let that one slip away.

 **Peter:** No plans on doing that. Anyway, uh… where did we end, last time?

 **Ned:** The apothecary that sewed up my hand wants to be paid, but we don’t have _any_ money?

 **Peter:** Oh, right. Okay, so, all four of you are in the back of this apothecary shop, and this woman has just finished wrapping Jak’s injured hand, and handed the bottle of stuff that she poured onto his wound to Pentan? And she is, just, patiently standing in front of you, sort of waiting for someone to offer up payment, of some kind.

 **Tony:** Okay, boys. Let me try to redeem that charisma check I completely failed, last time. I clear my throat, to get her attention.

 **Steve:** [crosstalk] [quietly] Oh, God.

 **Peter:** [crosstalk] You have it.

 **Tony:** Okay. And I say,

> **Stony:** Listen, we… very much appreciate what you did for our friend, here, today. Super, super appreciate it. We were worried that he’d die, or something, and that wouldn’t have been so good.
> 
> **Apothecary:** No, I can imagine how that would’ve been terrible.
> 
> **Stony:** Right. And uh… I know that it makes perfect sense, for you to ask for payment, right about now, since you’ve sort of finished the job we asked you to do, and gave us a mixture, to boot, but uh… unfortunately? The four of us are just a _tad_ bit short on gold. But, what we’re not short on is good will, and the ability to do anything you’d ask us to do, as a repayment for what you did for us, here.

**Tony:** And I’d like to roll persuasion, to see if I managed to convince her to let us do something for her, rather than straight up pay her.

 **Peter:** All right. Go ahead. Does anybody want to say anything else to her, to kind of give Stony some help?

 **Bruce:** Uh, sure. Pentan will say,

> **Pentan:** Yes, we’ve all been doing things together for a few weeks, now, and I’d say our success rate is pretty solid. Anything you need done, you can count on us to do it, albeit maybe with some hardships.

**Peter:** [amused] Okay. Uh, make that roll, then, Mr. Stark, and add a plus one along with your normal modifier.

 **Tony:** Which is regularly… a plus 7…

 **Peter:** Holy shit! Wait, _really?_

 **Tony:** I’m a _bard._ I’m charismatic as hell! [dice roll] That’s an 18.

 **Peter:** Yeah, uh, you sufficiently - the apothecary kind of looks thoughtful for a moment, examining the three of you who are standing in front of her, and then she shrugs and says,

> **Apothecary:** I suppose you look tough enough. There’s something I would like you to fetch for me; I think if you managed to do so, it would be appropriate repayment.
> 
> **Stony:** Name the task!
> 
> **Apothecary:** Well, you see, there is an herb that is extremely rare, due to its tendency to grow in a very specific location. I recently learned that there is such a location near the Capital, but…unfortunately, that location, as well as the herb, is in the enclave of a local druidic clan.

[Mixed noises of apprehension]

 **Steve:** [softly] Of _course_ it is.

 **Peter:** Uh, she says,

> **Apothecary:** This herb is, like I said, very rare, and druids, as you might know already, are very protective of nature and wildlife, and this herb is pure nature. Magical nature, of course, but still nature. And, as such, the druids that live in the location where it grows are very protective of it. Which is why I have been unable to acquisition it from said location.
> 
> **Pentan:** Well, dump. Ma’am, we’d - as much as we’d like to retrieve this herb for you, I don’t… I don’t think we’ll be able to do so.
> 
> **Apothecary:** Why not?
> 
> **Gray:** We have no desire to go into a druidic clan’s home and slaughter them all for an _herb_ , however rare it may be. Sorry.
> 
> **Stony:** Not even that, really, just - druids are… from what I know about them, not from, like, experience or anything, uh, just super tough? And dangerous? And definitely not going to be into us trying to take their herb from them.

**Peter:** She, uh, as soon as you mentioned slaughtering them, Gray, she kind of looked horrified, and she says,

> **Apothecary:** Oh, Gods, who mentioned anything about _killing_ them? No, I just - I just need someone to go there, and ask them for it. No killing needs to be done, at all! I don’t want - I don’t want blood to be spilled over a _plant._

[Sounds of relief]

> **Stony:** Okay, that’s more doable, I guess. This just means we need to talk to them.
> 
> **Gray:** Not necessarily as easy as killing them, but definitely preferred.
> 
> **Pentan:** We can talk. We handled the orcs by talking, didn’t we?
> 
> **Stony:** That is true.
> 
> **Gray:** Surprisingly enough, we do pretty well when it’s just talking.
> 
> **Pentan:** Maybe we should do that more often?
> 
> [Contemplative noises]
> 
> **Stony:** We don’t get a lot of experience by talking.

**Peter:** Sure you do. [shuffling sounds] Holy shit, you made pancakes! I didn’t - you can cook?

 **Cheri:** [distantly] Of course I can.

 **Tony:** I want pancakes!

 **Ned:** I want pancakes even more than Mr. Stark does!

 **Peter:** I’m the only one that gets pancakes. Haha. She even put whipped cream on them, _shit._

 **Tony:** Aren’t you the one always yelling at us for eating during these?

 **Peter:** You don’t refuse pancakes from your significant other! Especially when they’re… fantastic. [muffled] Holy _shit._

 **Bruce:** Yeah, Natasha cooking for me is one of my favorite things in the world.

 **Steve:** Bucky likes it when I cook for him, too. I just assumed that it was because he doesn’t know how to cook, but maybe it’s just because he likes that I’m doing something for him.

 **Bruce:** That automatically makes it eighty times better, definitely. Especially when you don’t _ask._ [sighing] The best.

 **Tony:** Ned, you and I can bond over something!

 **Ned:** What, the fact that we’re unlovable to the point where we’re going to always be alone?

 **Bruce:** That’s not true!

 **Peter:** Right, you have us.

 **Ned:** Gross. I don’t want you.

 **Peter:** Uh, debatable.

 **Ned:** Hey! Maybe, like, five years ago. It was more wanting to _be_ you.

 **Tony:** Why are we talking about this?

 **Peter:** Because I can’t DM while I’m eating, so we’re wasting time. Ned, tell them a story.

 **Ned:** Wh - me? Why? I haven’t experienced any part of life, yet.

 **Bruce:** I will tell a story. Once, when I was getting my third PhD, which was at the same time as my fourth and fifth, but that doesn’t matter because they’re not part of the story, uh, I blew up part of a chemistry lab, on my college campus, and I had to pay three thousand dollars to replace all the equipment I destroyed.

 **Steve:** How’d you manage to do that?

 **Bruce:** Pay back the three thousand, or blow up the lab?

 **Tony:** Blow up the lab.

 **Bruce:** Ah, well, that’s - to be honest, I don’t really remember. I probably mixed things that shouldn’t have been mixed. Back then, I was living off of two hours of sleep and ten hour days in the lab. I’m lucky I didn’t blow up _more_ things, if I’m being honest.

 **Peter:** You’re back.

 **Cheri:** I am! Did you like your pancakes?

 **Peter:** Yes. Why were you holding out on the fact that you can cook?

 **Cheri:** I’ve never had the chance to cook for you! I tried to tell you that I  _can,_ but I guess you didn't take me seriously. My  _abuela_ taught me, and she took it very seriously. I can cook anything, but I haven't really had a chance to cook for fun in a while, with school and everything. 

 **Tony:** You can cook whatever you want to here at the Compound, whenever you want to. FRIDAY can order any ingredients you need, and get them delivered in like half-an-hour. It’s what we always end up doing, if someone decides they want to cook, because if we actually have the fridges stocked, the stuff goes bad. It’s an endless cycle.

 **Steve:** It’s true.

 **Cheri:** Uh, thank you, Mr. Stark. Maybe I’ll take you up on that.

 **Peter:** It took me a long time to learn how to say no to him. You can.

 **Cheri:** But it’s a really nice offer.

 **Ned:** Are you done eating, DM? Can we keep playing, now?

 **Peter:** I don’t think I’m going to be able to DM while Cheri’s sitting here.

 **Tony:** Cheri, smack him if he gets touchy.

 **Cheri:** Believe me, I will. Keep your hands off my pancakes! You already had yours.

 **Peter:** [grinning] But I’m Spider-Man.

[Ned groaning; Tony slow clapping]

 **Cheri:** I can’t believe - I’m gonna leave, now, I think. Bye, Pete. Bye, guys, this was fun…

 **Peter:** Wait, no, it was just a joke!

 **Cheri:** [amused] So was mine! Jeez, Spidey, you’d think you’d get it.

 **Bruce:** [thrilled] Yeah, _Spidey!_

 **Steve:** [smiling] Get with the jokes.

 **Peter:** All right, so apparently having Cheri around means that you all have the chance to pick on me. That’s - that’s _fine._ I’ve put you and your characters through a bit, during the campaign, and that’s _fair,_ but uh [voice lowered] maybe _not_ in front of my girlfriend?

 **Cheri:** I’m sitting right next to you.

[Ned giggling]

 **Peter:** That’s why I whispered, Cher. You’re supposed to pretend you didn’t hear me try to tell my friends not to make fun of me while you’re here, so that I’m not incredibly embarrassed.

 **Cheri:** Well, you don’t get my sarcasm, how am I supposed to get your indication I’m not supposed to hear something?

 **Peter:** It’ll probably get there, at some point.

 **Cheri:** Yeah, fair enough.

 **Tony:** FRIDAY, play ‘[Walk Like A Man](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coag0rvCgLM)’ for Peter, please.

[ _W_ _alk Like A Man_ by the [ Four Seasons](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Four_Seasons_\(band\)) playing in the background]

 **Tony:** Mm, I love this song. Oddly, [ I feel like I grew up with it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_yT2YSwjDo), but I didn’t really? My old man wasn’t much of a fan of music; wasn’t until my mom convinced him to buy our piano that music became a common thing in the house.

 **Peter:** [flatly] FRIDAY, stop. [music ends] Really, Mr. Stark?

 **Tony:** It’s a good song!

 **Cheri:** [quietly] I love the Four Seasons.

 **Ned:** Are we going to play D&D today, or can I go back to sleep?

 **Peter:** We’re gonna play. Uh, so, the apothecary, she wants a rare herb, that is being guarded by a druidic clan. And you all have agreed to go get it for her, in lew of actually paying her gold for her assistance in healing Jak’s hand. Oh, Cheri, uh - Mr. Stark?

 **Tony:** Mm?

 **Peter:** Could you give Cheri access to the transcripts of the other sessions? She knows the basics of what’s going on, but uh, I feel like she’d be less confused this entire time if she had the other transcripts on hand.

 **Tony:** Oh, yeah, that’s fine. Just gimme a second; you’re connected to the Compound’s network, right?

 **Cheri:** Yeah. [faint sound of a StarkDrop being sent] Oh, I see it. Wow, that’s really cool!

 **Bruce:** All kinds of technological wonders in this place, Cheri. Stick around, and you’ll figure out even more.

 **Cheri:** Yeah, uh, the stove talked to me, while I was cooking? It, like, guessed I was making pancakes, and offered to pull up a recipe.

 **Steve:** That’s one of the _wonders_ I don’t mind; it’s very helpful. The voice in the shower, not so much.

 **Tony:** How many times do I have to tell you? You can turn that off.

 **Ned:** What could you possibly need access to the AI for in the shower?

 **Bruce & Tony: **Karaoke!

 **Ned:** Oh, right. [amused] Duh.

 **Peter:** Does anyone actually want to play D&D? ‘Cause I’m more than happy to give up, and spend the day with Cheri, as I originally intended.

[Cheri giggling]

 **Peter:** What are you laughing about?

 **Cheri:** Doctor Banner’s character creation. Did the character voice stick?

 **Bruce:** Yeah, it’s held up surprisingly well. I expected to give up a long time ago.

 **Cheri:** I think I’m gonna need to hear that, soon. All of the voices, actually. Peter’s mentioned that they’re, uh, pretty… pretty good?

 **Ned:** Liar, he’s said that they suck and you know it!

 **Cheri:** Yeah, okay. Uhm, he hasn’t praised them. Let’s just leave it at that.

 **Peter:** Well - in my defense -

[Everybody talking at the same time]

 **Steve:** Okay, that’s fine.

 **Bruce:** Whatever, DM.

 **Tony:** Bite me.

 **Ned:** At least I _try_ with mine!

 **Peter:** [loudly] That’s the iss - okay - just - Ned _,_ you’re trying _too_ hard, Doc, the voice you picked does not go with your character at _all_ , Captain, your voice is literally the easiest voice that can be done, _ever_ , and Mr. Stark, honestly, are you - do you even _know_ what an Australian accent sounds like?

[Cheri snorting]

 **Steve:** Well, at least he tells us how he feels.

 **Bruce:** [quietly] Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End note: [ 'Heart and Souls' ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heart_and_Souls) is the movie in the clip linked to the line where Tony is talking about growing up with 'Walk Like A Man', and it is a very good movie, RDJ in his young actor prime.


	27. Chapter 2 - Session 7 - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Quaternity heads to a druidic enclave, and It Gets Worse!

**Peter:** Now, are we going to play D&D or not?

 **Tony:** Yeah. Uh, Stony says,

> **Stony:** So, where is this place?
> 
> **Apothecary:** It’s east of the city, kind of in a secluded part of the forest. No one ever really goes there, because they’re not sure of what kind of beasts live in that part of the woods. I imagine that the druids mostly have control over them, so if you can get on their good side, you should be able to avoid getting attacked by any animals.
> 
> **Stony:** Great. Let’s go then, men.
> 
> **Pentan:** Well, hold on. What about Jak?
> 
> **Jak:** I’m fine.
> 
> **Pentan:** Mm, I don’t think so. You just had your hand stitched up.

[Cheri laughing, distantly]

 **Peter:** [amused] Uh - I think this is definitely going to be your choice, Ned, of whether or not you want to do this thing with the other three. You can decide not to, obviously; I’ll give you something else to do, a sort of side quest, or you can go with them, but you’ll - there’ll be a penalty, because you are recovery from an incredibly recent injury.

 **Ned:** Well, what’s the penalty?

 **Peter:** Uh, your strength and dexterity modifiers will be decreased by two, and your speed will also be decreased, pretty significantly.

 **Steve:** That’s not _so_ bad.

 **Ned:** Yeah, but all I use during fights is strength.

 **Bruce:** But we’re not going to be fighting anything. Hopefully.

 **Ned:** I guess that’s true.

 **Tony:** Come with us, big guy. This is for you that we’re doing this, after all.

[Ned sighing]

 **Steve:** What’s the side quest that you were going to send him on?

 **Peter:** Uh, I was going to have him work with Garrick, to try and figure out what’s going on with someone wanting him dead. That’s probably not the best idea, though, since… that sort of thing is part of the big story, right? And you’d all want to be involved? This would be, like, a preliminary thing, obviously, just trying to figure out where Quinn might be, and how to get in contact with her, maybe, but uh - it’s up to you, Ned.

 **Bruce:** Just come with us.

 **Ned:** Yeah, I think that might be the best option. I’ll go with the Quaternity, to keep it a Quaternity.

 **Cheri:** Wow, big word! Who introduced that?

 **Tony:** Me…?

 **Bruce:** I don’t remember.

 **Steve:** No one does. It’s probably in Tony’s transcripts, somewhere.

 **Cheri:** There’s a lot here. How long have you guys been doing this?

 **Peter:** Since August, which you’d think would mean there isn’t much, but the sessions last longer than I think any of us intend for them to? So…

 **Ned:** No, I like the length of them. Since we can’t get together every week, or whatever, it makes sense that they’re a little bit longer.

 **Tony:** Yeah. And it’s fine, right, until someone leaves in the middle to go fight crime, and doesn’t let the rest of us know how long he’ll be gone, so we worry.

 **Bruce:** I didn’t worry about him.

 **Steve:** Right, you said he could handle it, and I didn’t have any reason not to believe you. Besides, Ned was his, uh, what’s it called.

 **Ned:** Guy in the Chair™!

 **Steve:** Right. And it all worked out.

 **Peter:** You were worried, Mr. Stark?

 **Tony:** [pause] I mean - sure. Why wouldn’t I be? He’d broken out of prison, and you were fighting him on your own.

 **Peter:** Well, the NYPD helped out, so I wasn’t completely on my own.

 **Tony:** Still.

 **Peter:** I figured, y’know, I’d taken him down before. There wasn’t any reason to think that I couldn’t do it again, right?

 **Tony:** Aside from the fact that he _broke out of prison._

 **Cheri:** Who are we talking about?

 **Peter:** Uh, his name is Herman Schultz, oddly. We call him ‘Shocker’. I - well, he was a problem, a long time ago, but he was never caught? But then we ran into one another again, last year, and I got him put on the Raft. But _then_ he broke out, and I had to catch him again, and now he’s in a max security cell, so he should be there for a while.

[sighing] Unless Wilson Fisk decides to pull some more shit.

 **Cheri:** Yikes. Okay. I - I’m pretty sure there’s no relation, there. I guess he could maybe be my mom’s cousin, or something, four times removed? But I doubt it.

 **Tony:** Maybe we should cross-check DNA, just in case.

 **Peter:** [groaning] Mr. Stark!

 **Cheri:** If you really want me too, I can, just for peace of mind?

 **Tony:** [amused] It was a joke, Cheri, but I appreciate the willingness.

 **Ned:** For the love of _God,_ can we _please_ play D &D?

 **Peter:** That’s what I’ve been trying to do!

 **Bruce:** Right, right. Sorry. Let’s play.

 **Tony:** We’ll talk more about that DNA test later.

 **Cheri:** Uh, okay?

 **Peter:** He’s kidding.

 **Tony:** Not that time.

 **Peter:** Anyway, uh, so Jak has made his decision, that he would like to go with all of you, and so, after the apothecary sort of gives you directions, to the best of her abilities, you all head out of the Capital, again, to… where?

 **Steve:** The place we need to go?

 **Peter:** Well, sure, you can head there, or you can stop off with the Legionnaires, let them know what’s up.

 **Tony:** Ah, fuck ‘em. They’re a completely different questline.

 **Peter:** I mean, I guess so? But you did travel with them…

 **Steve:** [crosstalk] Well, how long will we be gone?

 **Tony:** [crosstalk] So what? They’ll know we went somewhere. Maybe we stayed in the city until Jak was at full health.

 **Bruce:** [crosstalk] I feel like we should get the plant as soon as possible, since the apothecary was very helpful.

 **Ned:** [crosstalk] Just get us to the druids, Peter.

 **Peter:** All right, to the druids. Uh, so, you all head out of the Capital, and towards… the east, which is where the apothecary indicated this place that this herb is growing is at, which means that the druid, I guess, enclave? is also to the east, and so you are heading towards that, as well.

And I think you all sort of walk for about thirty minutes, with like, no issues at all, just following a path that has sort of been grown over with shrubbery and stuff, but isn’t necessarily hard to trek down, but uh, as you all sort of pass into a clearing of sorts in this part of the wood, uh, you sort of pause, looking around for the continuation of the path, but there is just, nothing?

Like, you don’t see a gap in the trees, you don’t see a space in the bushes near the ground that might indicate some sort of passage through the woods, to the east, west, north, south… because even when you turn around to look at where you had emerged into the clearing from, the path is just gone. It has disappeared from view.

 **Steve:** Essentially, then, what you’re saying is that we are in [ a clearing with no windows](https://riddlesbrainteasers.com/room-windows/).

 **Ned:** [laughs] How do we escape? Uh, jokes aside, I think Jak just kind of settles down in the grass, just to like, catch his breath, as we all try and figure out where to go from here.

 **Tony:** Well, let’s do the smart thing, first, which would probably be to roll investigation, to see if there’s something that we’re missing with the naked eye.

 **Bruce:** Ooh, me! Me! I have a plus five investigation!

 **Peter:** Which is something I still don’t get, but if you want to roll investigation, go for it.

[Dice rolling]

 **Bruce:** That’s an 11.

 **Peter:** With an 11, you don’t see anything. You are able to sort of pick out where you probably emerged into the clearing, from the opposite direction of where you want to go? But you’re not positive that that is where you came from, and you definitely don’t see any way forward.

Does anyone else want to give it a shot, or can I continue with the sort of plot point that I wanted to do, here, in this clearing?

 **Tony:** Oh, there’s plot in the clearing with no windows.

 **Peter:** Yeah, but before I could get to it, Captain Rogers felt it necessary to make a joke!

 **Steve:** Sorry, sorry. I didn’t know!

 **Peter:** Anyway. You all end up in this clearing, Jak sort of settling down on the ground to collect himself, and as you are all sort of looking around, trying to figure out what the hell is going on, uh… I guess, Gray, go ahead and make a perception check.

 **Steve:** All right. [dice roll] That’s a 17.

 **Peter:** You see some dark figures moving within the trees to the east. You can’t tell what they are, exactly, but you do know that they are not humanoid, and they seem to just be stalking the, like, tree line, and they might be looking at you, watching you, waiting to see what you’re going to do next.

 **Steve:** Uh… okay. I’m gonna… let everyone know, but subtly?

> **Gray:** [quietly] Hey, guys? I think we’re being watched.
> 
> **Stony:** [loudly] [ What? Huh? What? Huh? What? When? _When?_ ](https://youtu.be/63RcymipKuY?t=36)

**Ned:** God _dammit,_ Mr. Stark! All for a [ Mulaney](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Mulaney) joke!

[Tony wheezing]

 **Peter:** Uh, I think - first, that was impressive, because he got that word for word, but also, yeah, I think these figures in the woods stop moving, and like, in tandem, turn towards the clearing, and the four of you watch as three different beasts, a bear, and two wolves, move into the clearing, maybe twenty feet away from you. And… they don’t attack. They are just standing there, staring at you.

So - this is a question I love asking, by the way - what do you do?

 **Steve:** I am going to speak to the animals.

> **Gray:** Hail and well met, beasts of the forest!

**Bruce:** Uh, Pentan leans over to speak quietly to Stony, and he says,

> **Pentan:** [ He’s _crazy._ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1K-YbhLgeA)
> 
> **Stony:** His sister is a druid; maybe he feels an affinity with them. Let’s see how this plays out, and if one of those things jumps on him to maul him, uh, you break left, and I’ll break right, and we’ll leave the big green guy to get eaten next, as a distraction.
> 
> **Jak:** [mumbled] I heard that.

**Cheri:** Are they gonna get eaten by the animals?

 **Peter:** Hopefully not. Uh, Gray, they do not… respond to you? I mean, they’re animals, and if you’re speaking common, they’re not going to be able to talk back.

 **Steve:** Well, I don’t want to start swinging at them. What if they belong to the druids?

 **Bruce:** If they belong to the druids, they could understand us!

 **Ned:** Mm. I don’t think so? Druids probably have a mechanic where they can speak the language of the animals, not the other way around.

 **Tony:** Peter, could I - do something crazy?

 **Peter:** Uh, depends on what - [laughs] - what it is?

 **Tony:** I would like to cast Speak with Animals. Which is a spell that a bard can do, but is not a spell that I bothered learning? Because I never thought I’d have to talk to an animal?

 **Peter:** So, it’s a spell that you can do, but you - it isn’t one that you’ve learned?

 **Tony:** Correct.

 **Peter:** I mean…

 **Tony:** I’m trying to do something good, for once. Can’t you let me have this? I will never use Speak with Animals again, how about that? Or I will - I will give up one of my 2nd level spell slots in order to cast it, as like, recompense for me trying to do a spell that I haven’t studied.

 **Ned:** To be fair, he hasn’t studied any of the spells that he can cast, probably. What’s one more?

 **Peter:** I guess that’s true. Uh - all right, Mr. Stark. I will accept your trade of a 2nd level spell slot in return for a spell that you do not know. Do you have to roll anything for this, or is it just something that you do, and there’s like, specifications to the spell itself?

 **Tony:** Yeah, it says that my communication with the animals varies based on the animals’ intelligence, which I guess is up to you? Since - if these are beasts that are sort of working for the druids, I feel like they’re a bit [ smarter than your average bear](https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/than+your+average+bear), but it’s up to you.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh, and these, these wolves and this bear are smarter than, like, a squirrel would be, so I think, I think that the moment you cast your spell… these animals were kind of expecting to be able to just… talk to you? Like, yes, as soon as you cast the spell, you realize that these beasts are tame, and it is because they are allies to the druidic clan that makes this neck of the woods their home. And so, the moment you cast the spell, you are just - your mind is flooded with the thoughts of these creatures.

And uhm - let me figure out these voices… it’s - please, don’t look at me like that! You’re gonna make me nervous.

 **Cheri:** [amused] Stage fright, because of me? C’mon, Pete, you’re better than this.

 **Peter:** Shut up! Uh - okay, I think the first voice you hear, Mr. Stark, is the bear’s, and it - it’s voice is this low growl, and it says,

> **Bear:** You are trespassing here.

**Tony:** Okay… how would I respond…?

 **Bruce:** Please, _please,_ do it out loud, so that I can hear what you trying to mimic Peter’s bear voice sounds like.

 **Tony:** You said I can hear them in my head? Like, their thoughts?

 **Peter:** Yeah.

 **Tony:** All right. Then I’m going to try and think back at them, and I’m going to say…

> **Stony:** We’re here to talk to the clan about something important.

**Steve:** Yeah, probably better not to tell them right out that we want their plant.

 **Peter:** The bear, actually, and you can all see this, uh… it makes a face? Almost like it's frowning, and it looks over at the two wolves, which are sort of flanking it, and it sort of seems like these three creatures speak with one another, without making any actual noise.

After a second, though, the bear turns back towards the four of you, and Stony specifically, I guess, and you hear its voice in your head again, and it says,

> **Bear:** The clan does not typically accept visitors of any kind. What matter do you wish to discuss?

**Tony:** [inhaling] See, Pete, I was hoping I wouldn’t have to tell them that? In case they decide to attack us immediately?

 **Ned:** Okay, but why would they do that?

 **Bruce:** Yeah, they - if they’re talking to you, and… y’know, not attacking us already… why would they attack us just for telling them what we want?

 **Ned:** They’re probably more likely to attack us if we don’t tell them what we want, I think.

 **Peter:** Yeah, uh, one of the wolves, as you are just standing there and not saying anything, uh, the fur on the back of its neck stands up, and it snarls at you. But the bear kind of growls at it, like, ‘Be patient,’ and then it turns back towards you, and you hear it again,

> **Bear:** Well?

**Tony:** All right, I’m just gonna tell him. Uh -

> **Stony:** See, this guy?

**Tony:** And I pat Jak on the head.

> **Stony:** Uh, he got his fingers bit off, last night? Wave your hand -

**Tony:** Oh, I’m saying this last part out loud.

> **Stony:** Wave your hand and show the nice bear, Jak.

**Ned:** I do, but like, I’m not happy about it.

 **Peter:** [amused] Right.

 **Tony:** And I’m back to thinking.

> **Stony:** So, we took him to get it fixed, and the lady who fixed it, uh - we didn’t have money to pay her back, because we’re idiots. And so we offered to do something for her instead. And she asked us to come get some kind of special herb? And she said that the clan watches over that herb, so we’d like to… take some of it? Very gratefully, obviously.

**Peter:** Uhm, the bear… doesn’t look like this is a good plan. He shakes his head, actually, and huffs out loud. And then in your head, you hear him say,

> **Bear:** We cannot simply give you the herb.
> 
> **Stony:** Well, sure, but if we couldn’t pay for the medical help, we can’t really pay for the herb, either.
> 
> **Bear:** We could come to some sort of agreement. You, clearly, have some tie to the forest, as you are able to speak with me.
> 
> **Stony:** Hah. Uh… sure? No, I’m not going to lie to you, Mr. Bear. Uh, I’m a bard, and I cast a spell so that I can talk to you. But we really need that herb. Well, probably not _really_ , but like, if we don’t bring it back, we’ll probably feel bad about it, but then we’d just forget that the apothecary was even a thing the next session, so it probably won’t matter, but right at this moment, it matters. So we could use the herb.

[Bruce wheezing; Ned sighing]

 **Tony:** What? It’s all truthful!

 **Peter:** Yeah, it is, which is why I’m trying to decide… what to do here…

 **Tony:** Well, the easiest thing would be for you to just let us in.

[Cheri laughing]

 **Peter:** Don’t encourage him.

 **Cheri:** What? He’s right.

 **Tony:** I am! Thank you, Cheryl.

 **Peter:** Uh… all right. Here’s what’s going to happen. The bear kind of consults with the wolves, again. The one that snarled at you all is just, not having it, you can tell, but the other one seems unsure. After a minute, the bear turns back to you, Stony, and your hear him say,

> **Bear:** That is a very interesting proposal. May I ask your name, and the names of your companions?
> 
> **Stony:** Oh, yeah. Sure. Kinda rude of me not to open with that, huh? My name is Stony Ark, the greatest bard to ever enter your forest, I assure you. The half-elf in the robes over there is Pentan… uh, I don’t know what his last name is, but it’s something magic based, because he’s a wizard. The one on the ground is Jak Bennet; he’s a member of the City Watch, of Quora? You probably haven’t heard of it; you’re a bear. And the other one is Gray Wakefield.

**Peter:** As soon as you introduce Gray, the bear’s entire demeanor shifts. He raises his head, sort of, and he looks at Gray through his dark eyes, just like, examining him. And then he turns back to you, Stony, and he says,

> **Bear:** I think the clan leader would like to meet you four. Come with us.

**Peter:** And he turns, and heads back into the woods, the wolves trailing behind him.

 **Tony:** Okay. To the others, I say,

> **Stony:** He wants us to follow.
> 
> **Pentan:** Wait, wait. Why? All of a sudden? I - you were talking to him, that whole time?
> 
> **Stony:** Yeah, I can talk to animals. What’s up. Let’s go.

**Tony:** And I go after them.

 **Peter:** Do the rest of you follow?

 **Steve:** Might as well, I guess.

 **Ned:** Yeah. Will someone help Jak off the ground?

 **Bruce:** I got it.

> **Pentan:** Up you go, big guy.
> 
> **Jak:** Thanks, I guess.
> 
> **Gray:** C’mon.

**Peter:** Okay, so you all follow these three animals into the woods, moving further east, according to where the sun currently is in the sky, which is at your backs. Uh, and the bear leads you, and the wolves, it seems like, through the trees, along a path that it seems to know pretty well, but none of you really see. And, after awhile, the wolves break away from the rest of you, and head back towards the clearing where you were found. You get the feeling that maybe they are guards of some kind.

But the bear continues to walk, and you continue to follow him. And, eventually, the trees around you kind of start to… shift. Not, like, they’re blowing in the wind, but they are physically changing shape. Uh… you’ve all seen [ the second _Hobbit_ movie](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hobbit:_The_Desolation_of_Smaug), right, where [ the Company](http://lotr.wikia.com/wiki/Thorin_and_Company) ends up in the [ Woodland Realm](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9shCuTFFxZw)?

 **Ned:** [thrilled] Is that where we are?

 **Peter:** You follow this bear into a place that is very reminiscent of the Woodland Realm from the second _Hobbit_ movie. The trees become curved and twisted, forming pathways and walls all around you. You spot figures up on pathways high over your heads, collecting nuts from the branches overhead, or just sitting on the edges with their feet dangling.

And they’re all humanoid. And it does not take you long to realize that these people are the druids of this enclave that the bear is leading you into. The druids all stop what they’re doing, as they spot the four of you, following this bear, and just, the general ambiance that has sort of surrounded you as you walked through this kingdom of sorts falls silent. There are no more birds chirping, no more bushes rustling, not even as you brush by them as you walk. This entire place has just… gone quiet.

And the bear leads you deeper into this kingdom of druids, and eventually starts up a path of branches that has, like, seemingly formed in front of you out of nowhere? You’re almost positive that you shouldn’t be seeing what you are, but for whatever reason, you can. The bear goes up it, heading higher up into the trees around you, and you all follow him as well, just sort of going on blind trust that this pathway will support you. Which is does.

And, eventually, you reach an area of this kingdom that is just… surrounded in the wood of the forest trees that you’ve been walking through. It is almost as though the trees around this room have grown high enough to sort of become natural barriers, kind of separating this particular space from the rest of what you have been walking through.

And, the trees, across this space from you, have also sort of twisted and grown together to form a natural throne, upon which a woman is seated. She is a human, you can see, but she has dark skin, and white hair. And she is not dressed in a very concealing way, which you noticed is kind of a pattern amongst these druids.

But she examines all of you as you come to a stop at sort of the foot of her throne, which is lofted a bit, and after a time, her eyes land on you, Gray, and she says,

> **Druid Queen:** So, Gray Wakefield, you’ve managed to find your way to us. Perhaps, then, you can tell me this: Where is your sister?

[Bruce chuckling and clapping]

> **Gray:** Uh…
> 
> **Stony:** Are you [ Thranduil](http://lotr.wikia.com/wiki/Thranduil)?

[Raucous laughter; Peter sighing]

~ END OF TRANSMISSION - LOGGED JANUARY 1st ~


	28. Chapter 2 - Session 8 - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Quaternity talks a bit with the druid they met last time, and It Gets Worse!

~ START OF TRANSMISSION - AVENGERS COMPOUND - JANUARY 7th ~

 **Tony:** How much longer do we have before you go back to college, again?

 **Peter:** A week. Speaking of which, uh, May wants me to visit her, tomorrow, and stay a few days, so… just a heads up, on that. Why do you ask?

 **Tony:** I just wanted to plan a couple more sessions of D&D before then.

 **Peter:** Actually, uh, I think we’re gonna take a bit of a break from D&D, after this one.

[Bruce, Tony, and Steve all complaining]

 **Peter:** See, I appreciate that, you guys, but I gotta - it’s the beginning of a new semester, I’m taking 18 credit hours, like - it’s gonna be tough, and I can’t plan D&D while I’m failing school.

 **Ned:** You’re not going to fail school.

 **Peter:** Well, yeah, probably not. But I’d like to be able to focus on school work, instead of… this? For a minute? It won’t be a long break, maybe like, a month or so, but since we’ve been spending so much time playing D&D over the last, like, three months, I figured we needed some space from it, and also, I need time to figure out how the hell to get from where we are in the story, to where I want us to eventually be.

 **Tony:** But that sounds like a _you_ problem.

 **Peter:** It’s an all of us problem, because I’m the DM.

 **Steve:** You know, I think it’s okay. We can take a break, Peter, if that’s what you need.

 **Peter:** Yes.

 **Bruce:** I guess the only thing I have a problem with is possibly forgetting something important, but that probably won’t happen, since I keep expansive notes, and you always remind us of the important stuff when we need it.

 **Peter:** Right, exactly.

 **Steve:** Okay. We’ll take a break.

 **Ned:** [singing] _[Take a break](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itKtosLoGk4)!_

 **Tony:** Ah, get your _[Hamilton](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hamilton_\(musical\)) _ out of my house.

 **Peter:** Anyway, let’s get back to where we were, last time, which was in the… I guess throne room, of the druidic enclave that you’ve all arrived at, to get an herb for the apothecary that helped fix Jak up. Uh, and… Stony talked to a bear, who brought you all to the leader of this clan of druids, and who is seated in this intricately designed throne made entirely of naturally forming branches? Well, probably not completely naturally; there has to be some magic involved, somewhere, and she has just asked you, Gray, where your sister Violet is.

 **Tony:** And I asked her if she was Thranduil.

 **Peter:** [patiently] Yes, that also happened.

 **Tony:** Is she going to answer me?

 **Peter:** I’m - Ned?

 **Ned:** Hm?

 **Peter:** Let’s say I decide that I don’t want to be the DM anymore, during the break? Will you pick up the mantle for me?

 **Ned:** Hah! Fuck no.

 **Peter:** Wow, Ned, I’m so grateful to have you as a best friend.

 **Ned:** What kind of friend would I be if I let you crap out on something?

 **Steve:** That’s a fair point.

 **Peter:** I’m just gonna get started with the D&D session, now, I think.

 **Bruce:** [cheerfully] Okay!

 **Peter:** So, you’re all in this throne room, facing this druid, who is patiently waiting for Gray to respond to the question that she asked him.

 **Steve:** All right, okay. Is it - guys, is it okay if I’m, like, angry? Because I want Gray to be pissed.

 **Ned:** Because…?

 **Steve:** Because, obviously, this is the group that took Violet when she was little and forced her to become a druid. Why else would they know who she is?

 **Tony:** And you want to be pissed at them about that.

 **Steve:** Yes.

 **Bruce:** I think that’s a fair reason for Gray to be pissed.

 **Ned:** Yeah, same.

 **Steve:** Okay, then I’m gonna be pissed. I say, to this… _leader,_

> **Gray:** Even if I knew, it isn’t as though I’d tell you.

**Peter:** She tilts her head, considering your words, and then she says,

> **Druid Queen:** Ah, I see. You know a different story than the truth, don’t you?
> 
> **Gray:** I know the story that the woman who helped raised me and my sister told us.
> 
> **Druid Queen:** The halfling, Annis.

**Ned:** Oh, yikes.

 **Steve:** [quietly] How does she know that?

 **Tony:** Peter, what the fuck is going on in this D&D campaign?

 **Peter:** [amused] What do you say in response to that, Gray? Her knowing Annis? Or, at least, knowing of her.

 **Steve:** I guess I say,

> **Gray:** How - what’s going on, here? How much do you know about my sister?
> 
> **Druid Queen:** My child, we know everything about your sister. She is one of us; she grew up as one of us.
> 
> **Gray:** Against her will! You took her, when she was barely more than a baby, and turned her into one of you!
> 
> **Druid Queen:** Gray Wakefield, your sister came to us.
> 
> **Gray:** That is not how it works, especially when it comes to a _five-year-old._
> 
> **Druid Queen:** How much of your childhood, prior to your sister becoming one of us, do you remember?

**Steve:** Hell, I don’t know, Peter. How much _do_ I remember?

 **Peter:** That is completely up to you. Gray is your character, Captain.

 **Steve:** Okay, but… I’d like some pointers, maybe? What _should_ I remember?

 **Peter:** I dunno. What do children remember of their childhoods? Personally, I don’t remember anything before Ben and May started to take care of me, and even then, I don’t have really solid memories before… maybe eight?

 **Ned:** Yeah, same. Like, I think I can remember things from before then, but I’m not… not positive.

 **Peter:** I will say that one thing is pretty prominent, in your memory, and that is that you and your family used to live near the Capital, before, you suspect, Violet was turned into a druid in the ceremony that was performed on her. Now, you believe that your parents must have moved you away from this place, in order to keep Violet away from these druids. So, you do have memories of living near the Capital, and, you suppose, near this enclave.

But, other than that, it’s up to you, what you remember.

 **Steve:** [sighing] Okay. I guess - I say,

> **Gray:** Not much. Why?

**Peter:** She leans back in her throne, and smiles, a little. And she says,

> **Druid Queen:** Your sister spent time in the woods when she was younger than five-years-old. You might not remember it, but it happened. We knew of her long before we decided to perform the sacred ceremony, with her at the center. We did not take her, and force her to become one of us; she came to us, allowed us to bless her with the many gifts that befall those who have an affinity with our mother, the one you call nature.
> 
> **Gray:** Oh, really? You expect me to believe that my sister, when she was younger than _five,_ walked into the woods, and decided to become a druid? Rather than believing that you all found her in the woods one day, took her, and forced her into your nature cult?

**Peter:** Uh, by this point, quite a few druids have gathered in this sort of throne room, chamber, thing, and they are watching you interact with this authority figure. And when you call their clan a _cult,_ Gray, they… react instantaneously, and angrily. Several of them pull out weapons, you see one’s hands glow a greenish color, as though they are preparing a spell. More than one bare their teeth at you, pretty ferally.

But the druid woman in the throne, she holds up a hand, and immediately, the kind of ruckus that you incited in this room dies down. And the woman says,

> **Druid Queen:** A boy grows up with influences on his life. This one is no different. You will not harm the brother of Violet Wakefield.

**Peter:** And then she turns her attention back to you, Gray, and she says,

> **Druid Queen:** I do not blame you for struggling to believe the truth of the matter, Gray Wakefield.
> 
> **Gray:** I can’t believe something that never happened.
> 
> **Druid Queen:** Still so young, and so set in your ways. You will learn better, someday, Gray Wakefield. Your life, and the lives of all those around you, will depend on it.

**Steve:** Wow, I don’t like how foreboding _that_ is!

 **Ned:** Sounds like something that should’ve been said to _my_ character, really.

 **Tony:** Can I step in, now? And get to what we came here for?

 **Peter:** I guess so.

 **Tony:** Cool. I take a tiny step forward, so that none of these druids jump on me and tear my throat out with their teeth, and I say,

> **Stony:** Listen, Queen Bee, uh, if we had any idea of where Violet was, we’d let you know.
> 
> **Gray:** No we would not.
> 
> **Stony:** That aside, we don’t know, and we’re not here because of that, anyway.

**Peter:** Uh, she says,

> **Druid Queen:** I know perfectly well why you are here, Stony Ark.
> 
> **Stony:** Oh, great. Then… can we have it?
> 
> **Druid Queen:** What reason do we have to give you the sacred Golden Cane?
> 
> **Stony:** Is that… is that the herb?
> 
> **Druid Queen:** It is not merely an herb, Stony Ark. It is a sacred plant gifted to the people of the world by our mother. As we druids are the only ones who know of its importance, its divine relation to that which we worship, we are sworn to protect it. That means, unfortunately for you, keeping it out of the hands of those that would only use it for greed-driven purposes.
> 
> **Pentan:** I wouldn’t call the apothecary greedy. She helped our friend here without asking for payment, first, when she saw how bad off he was.
> 
> **Stony:** What makes this plant so special, anyway?
> 
> **Druid Queen:** The Golden Cane appeared once on a cliff hanging over the ocean, many centuries ago. It was discovered by an old woman, who learned of its magical properties, and was able to use it to turn back the time that had aged her.

**Ned:** Peter, this is just the plot of _[Tangled](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tangled)!_

 **Peter:** There is no princess with magical long hair involved in this story.

> **Druid Queen:** The Mother, sensing what this woman was using her gift for, destroyed her, and ensured that the Golden Cane would not grow anywhere that it could be easily accessed by those who did not deserve its gifts. As such, it is usually only found near the locations of druidic enclaves, such as this one.

**Peter:** And she kind of gestures grandly around the throne chamber.

 **Bruce:** Can I ask who this ‘Mother’ that she keeps mentioning is?

 **Peter:** Of course you can.

> **Pentan:** Your… mother figure. Is that just nature in general, or is there a god you worship? What’s the story, there?

**Peter:** I think she sort of considers your question, for a second, before responding. She says,

> **Druid Queen:** You ask an interesting question, Pentan Runeshield. Surely, being a student of the Academy, you understand the concept of there being more than what meets the eye, do you not?
> 
> **Pentan:** Of course.
> 
> **Druid Queen:** Our Mother is no different. To you, she may just be what you call nature, but to us, she is much more than that. She is the mother of all those that live in the woods, plant and beast alike. She is the mother to our kind, whom you call the druids. She is the mother of dryads, of the water, of trees and flowers and birds and bees. But, for us, she is more than even _that._ She is the one who controls the weather, gives us rain or sunshine. She is the one who controls our fate, helps us with our gardens and fields, or gives us a poor harvest. She is the one who gave us the ability to speak with the plants and animals, who gave us the ability to build our home, here.

Our Mother, to you, may be a simple thing, but to us, she is everything. Does that make sense?

> **Pentan:** I think so.

**Ned:** So… I have a god, right, who I get my magic powers from, but I don’t - I don’t think he’s in charge of _everything._ I just worship him because he’s the boss of one of the things that’s important to my foundation as a person. What these people have is a single deity figure for _everything_. They don’t care if she’s just a goddess of nature; they believe she’s in charge of everything that goes on in their lives. Right, Peter?

 **Peter:** Yeah, that’s basically it.

 **Bruce:** Oh, all right. That makes sense, then. Interesting. Peter, at the Academy, did I ever hear of druids being like this, or is this central to only this particular group?

 **Peter:** I mean, you didn’t have much prior knowledge, so… I guess I will say, when you were at Crit’s house, and you found all that information on druids in his study, you read a bit about their worship, and you can recall that all druids sort of feel this way about the goddess of nature, that she is just, like, the only goddess, and controls everything, whereas for everybody else, she’s only in charge of nature.

 **Bruce:** All right. So it’s not different between clans, then.

 **Peter:** No, their worship of this goddess that they call ‘the Mother’ is central to druidic lifestyle.

 **Tony:** Okay. I say,

> **Stony:** All right, listen. I totally respect your whole wanting to keep the immortality plant safe, thing. Definitely legit, definitely cool, would not want to keep you from doing that. However… we really need to bring something back to the apothecary that saved the big guy’s life, or else _our_ god is going to wreck our lives, so… is there anyway you could help us out?

**Ned:** Did you just refer to Peter as our characters’ _god?_

 **Peter:** I’m down with that.

 **Bruce:** We don’t _worship_ him. He just controls our lives.

 **Tony:** That’s pretty god-like, if you ask me.

 **Peter:** In any case, it sounds like you’re… what, pleading to this druid?

 **Tony:** Mm. I wouldn’t say _pleading…_

 **Steve:** He isn’t on his knees, clasping his hands, and crying at her. He’s just asking for help, since her determination to not give us what we want is going to ruin everything else. It seems fair that she help us out in some way.

 **Ned:** Yeah, but why would she?

 **Bruce:** That’s true. She has no reason to help us. It isn’t as though it’s any problem of hers if we can’t manage to pay back the apothecary.

 **Steve:** Other than the fact that she apparently likes Violet, a lot, and probably won’t kill us because of that, at least.

 **Tony:** Yeah, it’s probably safe to say that the only bounty we’re getting from that is avoidance of death by druid.

 **Peter:** Well… as is routine with our D&D campaign, it makes sense that she, if you really want her help, asks you to help her with something.

 **Bruce:** Right.

 **Peter:** For a second, she sits in her throne, kind of eyeing all four of you, and then she glances off to the side, and her eyes close. It seems like she’s listening to something, but none of you can hear anything that she might be trying to catch on to.

And after a moment, her eyes open again, and she looks towards the four of you once more, and she says,

> **Druid Queen:** You four, your alliance with one another, has set forward a series of events that will either bring endless wealth and good fortune to the kingdom of Adren, or untold horror and destruction for all those that live here. Only time, and your actions, will tell where your path leads us all.
> 
> **Stony:** Well, fantastic. That doesn’t stress me out at all.
> 
> **Druid Queen:** It is sufficient to say that the saviors of the world would not look very good, if they were unable to thank an apothecary for saving the life of one of their own with payment of some kind. Therefore, I am willing to help you, but before I can, I need to know that my help is not lost on four ruffians who have no intentions of doing good in any form.
> 
> **Gray:** [flatly] So, what, you want us to tend your garden for a couple of hours? Help make some plants grow? Feed some animals?
> 
> **Druid Queen:** No, Gray Wakefield. I would ask that you help us free some of our own.

**Peter:** And she closes her eyes again, with a tired sigh, and says,

> **Druid Queen:** Several weeks ago, three of our enclave traversed out of the safety of the trees in search for… who knows what. They were not permitted to leave, but they are young, inexperienced, and apparently, hard of hearing. We have managed to triangulate the location of their imprisonment, but, as of yet, we have been unable to figure out how to free them. Those we’ve sent on the task have yet to return.
> 
> **Jak:** And now you have four people whose deaths wouldn’t affect you, and so you don’t mind sending _us_ into peril, right?
> 
> **Druid Queen:** On the contrary, Jak Bennet; it would be most unfortunate for all those who inhabit Adren if you were die.
> 
> **Stony:** So why are you asking us to do a task that you know has killed people?
> 
> **Druid Queen:** There is no evidence of their deaths, Stony Ark. I merely fear that they, too, have been imprisoned by whatever holds the original three captive.
> 
> **Stony:** But you have no idea what that is.
> 
> **Druid Queen:** Unfortunately, I do not.

**Ned:** [laughing] But Peter does!

 **Peter:** Yeah, and it took me a really long time to figure out what I wanted you all to have to fight, during this task, so… hopefully it goes well.

 **Bruce:** Goes well for _us,_ or for you?

 **Peter:** [amused] Both. The druid straightens up in her throne, and she says,

> **Druid Queen:** If the four of you can bring our brothers and sisters home to us, I would willingly assist you in the task of helping to recompense the apothecary who healed Jak Bennet.
> 
> **Stony:** Y’know, this seems like it’s going to be a lot of work, just to repay a fucking doctor.
> 
> **Druid Queen:** That may be so, Stony Ark, but you must remember… this is the season finale!

[Laughter]


	29. Chapter 2 - Session 8 - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Quaternity embarks out to save the lost druids, and It Gets Worse!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody, it's ScribbleWiggy, your author, your technical DM, and your... soon-to-be Jeopardy champ. That's a lie, I will never be on Jeopardy.  
> Just wanted to pop in and say that this will be the last chapter (obvi) of this particular part of the DnD campaign, and to look for the start of Chapter 3 at some point in the next couple of weeks. The fic itself is concluded, which means the campaign concluded as well, and honestly... I'm having too much much fun with these boys, so we'll see what happens next in this universe where superheros can play role playing games.

**Peter:** So, this druid gives you directions to where they have managed to track the location of the three other druids that have gone missing, along with all the ones that they’ve sent to sort of retrieve them. And after a walk that takes maybe an hour, the four of you come upon what looks like a… tower ruin. It is made of gray cobblestone, and it is about… forty feet high, but the top ten feet are sort of crumbled inwards, giving the entire tower a run-down look. There is some greenery growing up the side of it, and the wooden door that leads inside is bent and twisted; it looks like something might have broken into this tower, at some point, and the door was never repaired.

From the outside of the tower, you can’t spot anything that looks suspicious. It is just the tower itself, with it’s ruined top floor and door. However, on the floor just below where the stone has crumbled, you can see a faint golden light glowing through a small window, like there might be a candle lit up there.

 **Ned:** Hell yeah, it’s _[lit](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=lit&=true)._

 **Peter:** [amused] How do you approach this situation?

 **Bruce:** This is the place we’re supposed to be?

 **Peter:** This is the only… uh, I guess, landmark, in the area that the druid’s directions have led you.

 **Steve:** So, it’s the right place. All right, uh… could I roll a perception check, just to see if there’s anything we _should_ be concerned about, outside the building?

 **Peter:** Go ahead.

 **Steve:** That’s a 20.

 **Peter:** All right. Gray, you examine the area around the tower, including the exterior of the tower itself. You notice that this structure must have been here for a long time, because there are dark streaks in the cobblestone, indicating stains from rainfall. Vines have sort of rooted into the stone as well.

The more alarming thing you notice, however, are what seem to be… mounds of dirt, scattered all around the field that this tower is located in. They are just these piles of dirt, extending as far up as three feet. It looks like something was digging here, and recently, and covered whatever holes they dug with these dirt piles.

 **Tony:** Sounds like an enemy to me.

 **Bruce:** Can we hear anything?

 **Peter:** No.

 **Ned:** Mr. Stark, sneak over to the tower.

 **Tony:** I’m sorry, what?

 **Ned:** I’m assuming you have the best stealth modifier, and this seems like a scenario in which we should be stealthy.

 **Tony:** But also a scenario in which we should stick together, in case whatever’s digging those holes and covering them with dirt shows up!

 **Peter:** Uh, Gray, I think with your roll, I will say that you can tell that the dirt looks fairly fresh? But it does not look as though it’s been disturbed, recently. I think you’d know that, with your… forest-y background.

 **Steve:** ‘kay.

 **Tony:** So, something’s obviously been here, but not for a bit.

 **Ned:** Right. Still think you should sneak over there.

 **Tony:** [sighing] Who else has a pretty high stealth? I don’t want to go by myself.

 **Bruce:** I have a plus 2.

 **Steve:** That’s higher than my 1.

 **Ned:** I don’t have any, and with my penalties because of my boo-boo, I have less than zero.

 **Tony:** All right. I’ll roll to sneak to the tower.

 **Bruce:** Yeah, me too.

[Dice rolling]

 **Bruce:** I got a 19.

 **Peter:** Mr. Stark?

 **Tony:** … an eight.

[Ned inhaling; Steve sighing]

 **Bruce:** [horrified] You have a _plus four!_

 **Tony:** [distantly] I know!

 **Peter:** [amused] So… this is what happens.

 **Ned:** [quietly] Oh, God.

 **Peter:** Pentan, you… very nimbly, actually, make your way over to this tower, dodging the dirt piles in your path along the way; you’ve studied with [ Bilbo Baggins](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bilbo_Baggins), and he taught you well.

Stony… you don’t do so hot. You follow behind Pentan, but… I guess you didn’t scan the area well enough before you started to move? Because, as you are nearing the tower, like, you’re _so close,_ it’s ten feet away, your foot catches on one of those piles of dirt, and you fall forward, landing on your stomach in the grass.

Almost immediately, you feel the earth beneath you _tremble._

 **Tony:** [whispering] Oh, fuck.

 **Peter:** When you fell, you landed awkwardly, kind of dazed, you couldn’t believe you’d _tripped_ on something. So it takes you a moment to realize that the ground should not be trembling. And as you do make that realization, that “Oh, shit, I’m in a bad situation,” the dirt mound that you tripped over explodes upwards in a dark cloud, and with it, emerging from the hole that was hidden beneath the dirt, is a creature that you all recognize, and you all immediately feel this, just, sickening dread in your chests.

The creature that exits the earth is long, with six legs. Its body is covered in a light brown exoskeleton that clicks as its different segmented body parts crawl up out of the ground. It’s head is large, made of the same chitinous form that makes up the rest of its body. Two dark, beady eyes land square on you, Stony, and this beast chatters angrily, producing a very intimidating sound from mandibles that are capable of snapping the trunk of a small tree.

Stony, you have awoken an ankheg, and it does _not_ sound pleased.

Pentan, you spot a different dirt mound, about twenty feet away from Stony, explode upwards as well, and a second ankheg emerges from the ground, smaller than the one that is currently leering over Stony, but still incredibly horrifying nonetheless.

Jak and Gray, from a dirt mound much closer to where you two are hiding in the bushes at the edge of this field, a third ankheg pushes its way out of the ground. It does not notice you, nor does the one that Pentan spotted notice the wizard. They all, however, see Stony, laying on the ground on his back, staring up into the face of death.

And, in tandem, those two ankhegs that are still some distance away begin to crawl towards your companion, while the one above him bends it head low enough to brush its antennae against his chest.

Let’s roll initiative.

[Dice rolling]

 **Bruce:** Don’t worry, Stony. I’ve got this. Oh, maybe not. [laughs] That’s only a 12.

 **Steve:** I got a 15?

 **Ned:** 14 from me.

 **Tony:** [weakly] A five.

[Peter laughing]

 **Tony:** He enjoys this! He’s actually enjoying this.

 **Peter:** No, just - the one that’s directly above you - [snorts] he got a natural 20.

[Bruce laughing; Ned slow clapping]

 **Steve:** I guess I’m gonna have to deal with that one, first.

 **Peter:** Yeah, probably. For now, though, this ankheg is up first, and it is pissed, which means it is going to… take a chunk out of Stony, just, lean down and bite at you. [dice roll] [sharp inhale] That’s a 20.

 **Tony:** Yeah, that hits! Peter!

 **Peter:** So… you take five damage, plus… three acid damage.

 **Tony:** Holy shit.

 **Peter:** Now it’s Gray’s turn.

 **Steve:** Okay, so… these things… are they armored? You said that they have an exoskeleton.

 **Peter:** Yeah, but it’s… y’know a cricket? It’s kind of like that, and a, uh… shoot, what’s that other bug, with the biters… I dunno, it’s basically a big cricket with pinchers.

 **Steve:** Okay, so it’s not… tough.

 **Peter:** I mean, it’s _tough,_ guys. This is not going to be an easy fight.

 **Steve:** I guess I’m going to try and shoot the one that just bit Stony with an arrow.

 **Peter:** Okay. So, that’s a d20 plus your proficiency, and your dexterity, since it’s a ranged attack.

 **Steve:** [dice roll]  21!

 **Peter:** Wow, that hits!

 **Tony:** Thank God. Captain Rogers, _thank God_ for you.

 **Peter:** Roll damage.

 **Steve:** Mm, not so good. That’s a five?

 **Peter:** It’s still something. Your arrow flies across the space between you and Jak, and the ankheg that is over Stony, and it imbeds itself in the creature’s back. And this thing clicks its mandibles together, and turns away from Stony, to see where the arrow came from.

Welcome to visual combat, Jak and Gray. The ankhegs know where you are, now.

 **Steve:** Worth it.

 **Tony:** [sighing] Thank you, Steve. 

 **Steve:** You're welcome. 

 **Peter:** Next up is Jak.

 **Ned:** I don’t… have anything to do, here. I’m not going to run up to one and try to attack it, and I’m not going to try and shoot one, either, because I have a negative dexterity modifier… I will delay my turn.

 **Peter:** Sounds good. Which means we’re to the second ankheg, the one that’s closer to the tower that Pentan noticed, and it, seeing that the first one is moving away from Stony, is going to follow its lead, and cover some ground between it and the two of you. Which doesn’t take it all the way, but closer. It’s about 15 feet away from you, now.

Doctor Banner, it’s your turn.

 **Bruce:** I should cast some magic… I have all my spell slots?

 **Peter:** You do. Pretty sure you do.

 **Bruce:** Okay. [clicking tongue] I’m going to cast a thing called Witch Bolt, where I hit a creature that I can see with a ranged spell attack for lightning damage?

 **Peter:** Okay.

 **Bruce:** But I’m going to cast it as a second level spell, so that it does an additional 1d12 damage, plus I keep rolling that damage on my turn until the creature moves out of range, 30 feet, or I decide to do something else with my action.

 **Ned:** That’s pretty slick!

 **Bruce:** And I’d like to hit the one that’s already injured, please.

 **Peter:** Go for it. Ranged spell attack.

 **Bruce:** Hah! 20!

 **Peter:** That hits. What’s your damage, boss?

 **Bruce:** [smugly] 15.

 **Peter:** All right, good for you. Next up, Stony.

 **Tony:** Am I able to get away from this thing without taking attack of opportunity?

 **Peter:** Yes, since its back is facing you.

 **Tony:** Great. That’s all I’ll do, then. I stand up, and retreat as far as I can.

 **Peter:** Okay. We’ll say as far as you can is 15 feet, which puts you with Pentan outside of this tower. The third ankheg is last, the one that was closest to Gray and Jak. It was about 10 feet away from you two, I think, and uh… it’s pretty pissed.

You see the space between its mandibles begin to foam with a sickly green, and before you can really comprehend what’s going on, a line of acid that is five feet wide shoots towards the two of you. Roll dexterity saves for me, please.

 **Ned:** Dammit. That’s a 10.

 **Steve:** 16.

 **Peter:** Okay. Ned, you are unable to roll out of the way of this spray of acid, which means you take 10 damage, and Gray, you _are_ able to get out of the way, but just barely, which means some of the acid still hits you, for five damage.

Next up, Gray.

 **Steve:** So, Pentan’s got the injured one covered.

 **Bruce:** I do!

 **Steve:** I’m gonna hit the one that just spat at us, then. With an arrow. [dice roll] 13?

 **Peter:** That is a miss.

 **Steve:** Shoot.

 **Peter:** You fire your arrow, but I think you’re still stinging a bit from that acid damage, and so you don’t aim very good, and it flies over the thing’s head.

Jak?

 **Ned:** I guess I shouldn’t delay my turn again.

 **Peter:** I wouldn’t.

 **Ned:** Could I… [sighing] This is such a stupid idea.

 **Peter:** Lay it on me.

 **Ned:** Do I… since I didn’t take my last turn, could I have an extra move?

 **Peter:** Meaning… like, an attack? I guess you can have that, if you want it.

 **Ned:** I mean, I’ll probably miss, anyway. [dice roll] Yikes, that was a seven.

 **Peter:** Uh, yeah, that missed.

 **Ned:** Okay. I’ll give it another shot, though.

 **Peter:** Yeah, sure.

 **Ned:** Yeah! 19, that time!

 **Peter:** That’s a hit!

 **Ned:** Hell yeah it is. And she does [dice roll] seven damage.

 **Peter:** Okay. You all see Jak limp his sorry hide close enough to this ankheg that just spat acid in his face to smack it good with his axe, and I think you’re all a little shocked when he raises his weapon, and just, swings it with all his might into the chest of this thing. On impact the blade breaks through the ankheg’s exoskeleton with a pretty gnarly noise.

 **Ned:** And imagine throughout all this, Jak is just, yelling.

 **Peter:** [amused] Okay. And you also managed to stun this thing.

 **Ned:** Fuck yeah! You can bite off my fingers, but the paladin’s still a boss!

 **Peter:** Next is the second ankheg, who sees that Pentan is wrecking his boy with lighting, and turns in your direction. And it spits acid at you, and Stony, since he’s within range now, as well. Dexterity throws from you boys, please.

 **Bruce:** 11.

 **Tony:** [sighing] Six. Son of a bitch.

 **Ned:** You have cursed die.

 **Tony:** I think I must.

 **Peter:** Okay, neither of you pass, which means you both take 10 damage.

 **Tony:** Hey, look at that. I’m back to, like, the hit points I had when we first started.

 **Peter:** Pentan is up.

 **Bruce:** I’m gonna roll another d12 on this boy. [dice roll] Damn, that’s only a four.

 **Peter:** Okay. Up next is Stony.

 **Tony:** Time for me to cast - oh, wait, can I heal myself? With Cure Wounds?

 **Steve:** Dammit, don’t. Hit one of the monsters!

 **Peter:** Keep in mind that you did use up one of your second level spell slots to talk to the bear, earlier.

 **Tony:** Oh, ass, I forgot about that. Uh… okay, I’m gonna cast a first level spell called Dissonant Whispers. My target, which I’m gonna say is the beast that hasn’t been injured yet, has to roll a wisdom save; on a miss, it takes 3d6 psychic damage, and has to move away from me, up to 30 feet. On a pass, it takes half that damage, and doesn’t move.

 **Peter:** Okay. Wisdom… uh, wow, that was a natural 20.

 **Tony:** So… it saves, I guess. But it still takes half damage. 10, so five.

 **Peter:** All right, you gave it a little something, you gave it something to think about. The third ankheg is next, and it is going to reach down and take a bite out of Jak. [dice roll] That’s an 11 with its stun disadvantage, which I’m guessing doesn’t beat your AC.

 **Ned:** It does not.

 **Peter:** Cool, so it misses; it takes a chunk out of the ground instead. The one that is getting zapped by lightning is next - oh, shit, did I forget to have this one take a move, last round?

[Pause]

 **Ned:** Uh, no! It went, and it sucked!

[Bruce chortling]

 **Peter:** [amused] I think that might be a lie, but, whatever, that was on me. Uh, for this one’s turn, I think it is going to move out of the range of Pentan’s spell, which it does, by burrowing down into the ground.

 **Bruce:** Aw, what? It’s allowed to do that?

 **Peter:** Up to 10 feet, yeah.

 **Bruce:** [disappointed] Shoot.

 **Peter:** So, that’s done. Next is Gray.

 **Steve:** All right, I think seeing that Jak was brave enough to get closer to the creature, Gray decides to do the same thing. He moves towards the one that Jak’s already hit, and… misses, with an eight. Dammit.

 **Peter:** Everybody needs to get their dice blessed by a lottery winner, or something. Jak is up next.

 **Ned:** I guess I’ll just hit it again. [dice roll] Ohoh! That’s a natural 20 plus two, my boys!

 **Bruce:** Wow.

[Steve whistling]

 **Peter:** I think it’s safe to say that your negative two to your strength doesn’t matter much, huh?

 **Ned:** And ch’boy does eight damage.

 **Peter:** Let’s bump that up to 10 damage, because of that sweet sweet nat 20. Which probably isn't a thing that normally happens but hey, who cares? 

 **Ned:** Hell yeah.

 **Peter:** Okay. Next up… the second ankheg, who suffered from a bit of psychic damage at Stony’s hand.

 **Tony:** So he’s going to target Stony, yeah, yeah, we get it.

 **Peter:** Well, it’s out of range, so it just moves closer. Next up is Pentan.

 **Bruce:** More magic! I cast Magic Missile on the one that’s moving towards us.

 **Peter:** Uh… first or second level?

 **Bruce:** Oh… guess I’ll just stick with first.

 **Peter:** Okay. Go ahead and roll damage.

 **Bruce:** 12.

 **Peter:** Okay, swell, swell. Stony?

 **Tony:** Also more magic! I’m going to cast Shatter, directly on top of the hole that the first one burrowed into. Anything within 10 feet of that has to make a Constitution saving throw.

 **Peter:** Okay. I think that makes it… the one in the hole, and the one that Pentan just attacked. [dice roll] The first one in the hole passes, the one Pentan attacked does not.

 **Tony:** All righty. [dice roll] Uh, the one in the hole takes six damage, and the other one takes 12.

 **Peter:** Okay, and both of these ankhegs are bloodied. Next up is the one that Jak managed to hit, which means it has disadvantage, again. And it’s just going to try to attack Jak, again. [dice roll] Uh, the lowest was 15.

 **Ned:** Doesn’t hit. My AC is 18.

 **Peter:** Well, good. This thing is pissed, for sure, now. And we’re back to the one that dug himself a hole in the ground. I think, seeing that the hole isn’t doing much for him, he pops back up, kind of clicking in frustration, and hauls itself up out of the hole. And it decides to shoot its own spray at the two magic users that have hit it so far, which means that it’s also going to hit its compatriot, since it is in that line. All three of you are making dex saves.

 **Tony:** I got a 22.

 **Bruce:** Just a 10 from me.

 **Peter:** And the other one got a two, which means it takes 10 damage… oh, yikes. Uh, you take 10 damage, Pentan. Stony, you take five. The good news is, that ankheg that was caught in the crossfire is dead, now.

 **Bruce:** Hurray!

 **Tony:** And we didn’t even kill it ourselves.

 **Peter:** Yeah, uh, the beast that did kill it is pretty distraught, that its companion was killed in lew of the two of you, and it kind of screeches, which is a new noise that it hasn’t made before. But now we’re back to Gray.

 **Steve:** And I’m just going to try and hit this thing again. [dice roll] 23.

 **Peter:** That’s a hit.

 **Steve:** And it does nine damage.

 **Peter:** Great. Jak?

 **Ned:** Man, I wish I could say I just finish this thing off, but with my minus two, I’m not able to, even with a great roll. [dice roll] Oh, yikes, I don’t even hit it, I don’t think. That’s a 12.

 **Peter:** Yeah, you miss.

 **Ned:** Dump.

 **Peter:** Uh, Pentan, you’re up.

 **Bruce:** I, however, think that I _can_ finish off the one we’re fighting. I’m going to cast that old chestnut Cloud of Daggers.

 **Peter:** Okay.

 **Bruce:** In a square around the one we’re still dealing with.

 **Peter:** Right. How does that work, again?

 **Bruce:** Uh, it takes 4d4 damage on the start of its turn.

 **Peter:** Okay. Stony, then, you are up.

 **Tony:** I guess I’m going to layer on another spell on top of Tanny’s, and cast Thunderwave.

 **Peter:** Hold on, hold on! This is very important: _Tanny?_

 **Tony:** What? His name is Pen _tan._

 **Peter:** Yes, true, but how much [_Queer Eye_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queer_Eye_\(2018_TV_series\)) have you been watching?

 **Tony:** Uh, all of it. This thing is a 15 foot radius. Does that affect our boys?

 **Peter:** Uh, no. They are at least 30 feet away from you.

 **Tony:** Fantastic. This cricket thing needs to make a constitution saving throw.

 **Peter:** Okay. [dice roll] Oh, that’s only a two.

 **Tony:** Great! [dice roll] It takes seven damage.

 **Peter:** All right. It is wobbling on its feet. Uh… the ankheg that’s fighting Gray and Jak is next, and I think it tries to attack Gray, this time. [dice roll] Ooh, that’s a 22.

 **Steve:** Yeah, that’s a hit.

 **Peter:** Okay. You take 10 damage, plus one acid damage, so 11 all together. And, this is something that I didn’t do to Stony, earlier, you are grappled, which means this thing has you in its mandibles, and you will be there until you can free yourself, and it can keep biting you, with advantage.

The other ankheg is next, and… I guess, _Tanny,_ you should roll that damage.

 **Bruce:** Ahem. Nine.

 **Peter:** Yeah, okay. This thing is dead as disco. Gray, you can… it’s your move.

 **Steve:** Would escaping the grapple be my action?

 **Peter:** Yes.

 **Steve:** Then, fuck that. Instead, I’m going to just attack it, and try to get my sword into its eye.

 **Peter:** Oh, okay! Good. Good good good. Uh, I am going to give you disadvantage on this, though, since you are in this thing’s mouth.

 **Steve:** Fair enough. [dice roll] 16.

 **Peter:** Hits.

 **Steve:** Great. Five damage.

 **Peter:** All right. You stab your sword in the general direction of the ankheg’s eye, just… giving it a shot, I guess, and you connect! Not with the eye, that would be too lucky, but you do get a solid slash down its face, and it drops you.

Jak, you’re up next.

 **Ned:** Now, maybe I can finish this thing off. [dice roll] Or… maybe not. [laughs] That’s only a five.

 **Peter:** Hah, yeah, that doesn’t hit. Uh… which means… it’s this thing’s turn.

 **Ned:** Whoopsies.

 **Peter:** So… its companions are dead, it has gotten its ass pretty thoroughly handed to it by the two of you, and it is not happy. It goes to take a bite out of you again, Ned. [dice roll] Fuck! That’s only a 10! [laughing] Dammit.

 **Ned:** Suck it, you stupid giant cricket. Eat some magic! And I shout,

> **Jak:** Robes! Shoot the damn thing with those missile thingies! End it!
> 
> **Pentan:** All right, boss!

**Bruce:** I do that. [dice roll] Six.

 **Peter:** [amused] It still isn’t dead.

[Everybody groaning]

 **Peter:** Stony?

 **Tony:** Uh… all right. I straighten up, sort of holding my wounded self up with whatever dignity I still have left, and I say,

> **Stony:** Hey, dirt breath!

**Peter:** Uh, it turns to face you.

> **Stony:** Eat this!

**Tony:** And I cast Enhance Ability. On Gray. To give him advantage on strength checks.

 **Ned:** Okay, well, Enhance Ability is a spell that requires you to touch your target…

 **Peter:** [amused] No, not this time. This time, it’s cast via the magic of music.

 **Tony:** [hushed] Hell yes.

 **Peter:** Stony pulls out his lute from his bag, and positions it in such a way that he’ll be able to play it, which he does, and just like Griffin McElroy taught us, once upon a time: there’s magic in a bard’s song, and they call it inspiration.

And that magic moves across this field towards you, Gray, and you just… feel it inside of you, exhilarating you, even as you stare up at this beast. You suddenly feel 10 times stronger, as though you could lift this thing, and toss it halfway across the clearing.

Instead, I think, you take your sword up in both hands, and you all, especially you, Pentan, are amazed to see that the blade of Gray’s sword is emanating a white light. And as Gray brings his sword up, and slashes it across the chest of this ankheg, the collision produces that same white light, to an enhanced level; this light can be seen for _miles,_ just bursting out of the trees into the sky, which is growing dark as night quickly approaches.

And just like that, it’s over. The light disappears, fading away into the blade, which is imbedded into the chest of the ankheg. Gray, I think you sort of stagger backwards away, afraid of the power that you just experienced, wielding your weapon against that beast. Stony, your fingers tremble as you play a few final notes on your lute. Pentan, you yourself have never experienced magic of that caliber before, and you are just… in shock, wondering _what the hell that even was._

And Jak, I’m almost positive you just faint, the strains of battle and of witnessing that magic overcoming you, and you collapse to the ground, Gray barely moving over in time to keep you from hurting yourself as you hit it.

And the battle is over. You won.

From the edge of the clearing, to the west, a figure emerges from the tree line. Gray, you recognize her, first, because how could you not?

Violet Wakefield looks around at the dead ankhegs for a moment, taking them in, and then she looks at you, Stony, and says,

> **Violet:** Well, I refuse to believe you’re _that_ good of a bard.

[Laughter]

~ END OF TRANSMISSION - LOGGED JANUARY 7th ~


	30. Chapter 3 - Session 1 - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys are back in town, and It Gets Worse!

~ START OF TRANSMISSION - AVENGERS COMPOUND -  FEBRUARY 12th ~

 **Peter:** So!

 **Tony:** We back.

 **Ned:** The boys… are back in town.

 **Bruce:** Ooh! FRIDAY, play _that_ song!

[[ _The Boys Are Back In Town_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQo1HIcSVtg) by [Thin Lizzy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thin_Lizzy) playing faintly in the background]

 **Steve:** Are these people Irish?

 **Peter:** Yes. How the hell could you tell that?

 **Steve:** I have Irish in my blood, Peter.

 **Tony:** [amused] FRIDAY, stop.

[Music ends]

 **Tony:** Not that it isn’t a great tune, but we have more important things to do.

 **Ned:** [chanting] D&D! D&D!

 **Tony:** And I want to hear about what Peter has planned for Valentine’s Day for him and his lady.

 **Steve:** Honestly, Tony, leave the kid alone about that. You’ve been asking him for a week.

 **Peter:** It’s true; everyday, I have a new text: _Let me know what you’re planning on doing with Cheri, and if you need any cash._ Thanks, Mr. Stark, but I’d like to fund my own Valentine’s ventures, please, so I don’t look like an incapable boy in front of my girlfriend.

 **Tony:** Hey, sometimes it’s okay to ask for help.

 **Peter:** I understand that, but maybe not… not for something like this?

 **Bruce:** That is fair. That’s fair, Tony.

 **Ned:** Yeah, how would you feel if your dad had paid for your dates?

 **Tony:** Yeah, that’s a good point. All right, sorry. I won’t ask again.

 **Peter:** Okay. [pause] But if she ever mentions that she wants to go to Disney World or something…

 **Tony:** [amused] I’ll rent you the whole park.

 **Peter:** All right, cool. As long as we have that set in place. Uh, anyway. D&D?

 **Bruce:** Well, hang on. This doesn’t mean we don’t want to hear your plans!

 **Ned:** [groaning] I’ve already heard his plans 15 times!

 **Tony:** Well, then you tell us what they are, since Peter’s not.

 **Ned:** I don’t - he’s going to take her to dinner, not at a fancy place, because Cheri doesn’t like fancy things. And then he was having a hard time deciding if he wanted to take her to Coney Island, or the Museum of Natural History, because he’s a dumbass and I know his own girlfriend better than he does, and so I had to tell him, “Idiot, of course you want to take her to the Museum; she gets motion sick.” And he said, “Oh, yeah!”

And that’s it.

 **Peter:** And I have a present for her.

 **Tony:** You do?

 **Peter:** It’s nothing impressive; I made it for her.

 **Tony:** [thrilled] You _made_ something? Like, a bracelet?

 **Peter:** No, Cheri doesn’t do jewelry, except for her necklace. It’s - it’s stupid. I’m not gonna say.

 **Bruce:** How long have you been dating this girl, now?

 **Peter:** It’ll be six months on February 17th, which is kind of suck, because why does it have to be three days after Valentine’s, right? So, technically, we’re celebrating on the 14th, but she doesn’t get the anniversary present until the 17th.

 **Tony:** My goodness, you’re in love with this girl!

[Peter sighing]

 **Ned:** Yeah, he definitely is, but he’s afraid to say it out loud.

 **Peter:** Listen, the last time I was into a girl, even remotely close to the way I’m into Cheri, some pretty wild stuff went down and jeopardized everything. I just - I’m trying not to jinx this one.

 **Bruce:** Peter, you’re well past the point where you’d jinx this, even if that was something that could happen.

 **Steve:** Six months is a pretty solid amount of time.

 **Peter:** I guess so? I just - maybe this is coming from inexperience, too. I just - I keep thinking that something’s gonna happen, where it makes things awkward, or difficult, and we have to break it off. Which I really don’t want to happen, because… well, because.

 **Tony:** Because you’re in love with her.

 **Peter:** It’s too early to say something like that.

[Everyone saying ‘No!’]

 **Bruce:** Sixth months is definitely enough time for two people to fall in love. Heck, two weeks is enough time!

 **Tony:** One day is enough time, if you really get lucky.

 **Peter:** … you think so?

 **Steve:** Yes. No doubt about it.

 **Ned:** I’ve been trying to tell you this for a month, Peter. It’s okay to be in love with Cheri.

 **Peter:** But what if - what if she doesn’t feel the same way?

[Ned groaning]

 **Bruce:** Peter, I’ve only seen you and Cheri together for maybe a twelve hour period, and that was last month. If you think that that girl isn’t as crazy about you as you are about her… I don’t know what to do with you.

 **Peter:** I’m a problem, aren’t I? Sorry. It just - it’s all new to me, y’know? So I worry about everything.

 **Ned:** You’ve been a problem as long as I’ve known you, but I’m still here, so…

 **Peter:** Yeah. Thanks, Ned. I don’t think I say that enough. Uh… D&D?

 **Tony:** Yeah, sure. We’ve waited long enough.

 **Peter:** Okay. We ended last time after you’d all fought, and killed, three ankhegs, who were kind of guarding a ruined tower in the woods. You’d gone to the tower at the request of, uh - I saw that FRIDAY was transcribing her as ‘Druid Queen’ and I kind of like that, so we’ll stick with it. The Druid Queen asked that you all go and try and find some druids that have gone missing, recently, and her directions to their location led you to the tower, which you haven’t been able to investigate, yet, because of the battle with the ankhegs.

Uh… some weird magic stuff happened, with Stony’s music and Gray’s sword, and a napalm bomb kind of went off in this clearing because of that. And just before we ended, uh, Violet showed up, Gray’s sister, after she had disappeared herself, when she learned that the druidic ceremony was performed on her, when she was a young child. Gray, you’ve heard two different stories about that: one told to you by Annis, who said that the druids took Violet and forced the ceremony on her, and one from the Druid Queen, who says that Violet found the druids, and willingly went through the ceremony.

Violet herself, however, has been told only one version of the story, the one where she was taken. And she left the Legionnaires, your mercenary group, after learning about it, and that no one bothered to tell her it before. But now, she’s back, apparently, and she has just… made a smart remark about Stony’s musical talent.

And that is where we are.

 **Steve:** Well, I’m already running over to where Violet is. Just - I’m mad at her, and relieved at the same time, y’know? And I’m yelling,

> **Gray:** What the hell were you thinking?

**Steve:** And I grab her, and pull her into a hug.

 **Peter:** [amused] She is startled by this reaction, and she kind of huffs in annoyance, and says,

> **Violet:** I just needed to get away, to think for a little while. I - I wanted to find out more.
> 
> **Gray:** Okay, I get that. But you could’ve told me you were leaving.
> 
> **Violet:** You would’ve wanted to come with me.

**Peter:** And she gestures towards the other three, and says, kind of sourly,

> **Violet:** I didn’t want to tear you away from your new friends.
> 
> **Gray:** Violet, that’s not fair, and you know it.

**Peter:** She just snorts in response. Uh, what about the rest of you?

 **Tony:** I think it makes sense for us all to have gone over to Violet.

 **Bruce:** Yeah, I agree.

 **Peter:** Okay. So, I think as soon as you’ve said that, Gray, the other three join you two at sort of the edge of the field that this tower is in. And Violet says,

> **Violet:** What are you all doing out here, anyway? And what happened to your hand?

**Peter:** And her eyes are sort of wide as she looks at your bandaged hand, Jak. To be fair, she was only separated from the mercenary group for, like, three days, so she’s probably wondering what could’ve gone wrong in those three days.

> **Jak:** You know how it goes in the woods.
> 
> **Violet:** Aye, I guess I do.

**Peter:** And she glances sideways at Gray, and says,

> **Violet:** I suppose you all must know by now, about me.
> 
> **Pentan:** Not through your brother, but yes, we know.
> 
> **Jak:** Which means I guess I should thank you, for saving us in the woods, that day.
> 
> **Violet:** Yeah, well… if you hadn’t been with my brother, I probably wouldn’t have done anything, so, it’s really him you should thank.
> 
> **Stony:** So! What brings you here, anyway? Were you following us?

**Peter:** Uh, she… she kind of looks startled by the question, actually, and she glances around the field for a moment, at the tower, before she replies. And she says,

> **Violet:** No, I wasn’t. I - I honestly don’t know what brought me here. I had… I didn’t have a plan, really, other than being alone for a while. I just… I ended up here, for some reason. I thought - I don’t know. What are you all doing here?
> 
> **Stony:** Well, that’s kind of a long story…

**Tony:** And then, uh, canonically, we do [ that thing like in the old Batman cartoon where it’s a pinwheel cut, with that music in the background](https://youtu.be/RuZxn0aT_UQ), and we jump to a point in the future where we’ve explained everything to her.

 **Ned:** Okay, but we can’t have the [ Bat-Signal](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bat-Signal) in the center of the screen, so what is it instead?

 **Tony:** Uh… it’s just a square. ‘Cause there’s four of us, and I won’t be able to come up with anything better.

 **Bruce:** Isn’t it fun that even superheroes have their own superheroes to look up to?

 **Tony:** Please. If Bruce Wayne was a real guy, he and I would _hate_ each other.

 **Peter:** Because you’re both rich as hell, and superheroes? Bruce Wayne would probably hate you more, just because you’re allowed to be Iron Man in public, and he can’t tell anyone that he’s Batman.

 **Tony:** That’s true.

 **Steve:** You’d probably end up engaged in a war of some kind, and destroy New York. Or Gotham City. Depending on where this parallel universe takes place.

 **Tony:** Ooh! Now that is a FanFiction. Someone put that on the internet, get it into a writer’s head. I’d like to read it.

 **Ned:** Mr. Stark, I promise you, it probably already exists. You just have to go looking for it.

 **Tony:** … you think there’s… y’know. Sexual relations in there, too?

 **Peter:** [groaning] _Jesus._

 **Ned:** [horrified; hushed] _Why would you want someone to write_ smut _about you and Batman?_

 **Tony:** Is that what it’s called? Smut?

 **Bruce:** You didn’t know that already?

 **Tony:** No, but I’m surprised that you did!

 **Bruce:** Eh.

 **Peter:** [also horrified] _Oh my God._

 **Ned:** I have to leave right now. Right this instant. [ I’m gonna shove my breadsticks into my purse](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/breadsticks), and get the hell out of here.

 **Steve:** See, this is why I thought the internet realized that Bucky and I were in a relationship, because… people have written stuff about us?

 **Peter:** Oh my _God!_ Captain Rogers, please, _please_ tell me you haven’t read one of those.

 **Steve:** Well, I got curious. It was actually very sweet.

 **Ned:** Mm, yeah, until you come across one where one of you is a fucking _dom…_ [shuddering] Yikes, yikes, yikes! Don’t want to think about that anymore!

 **Steve:** [confused] What’s a… [slow realization] _Oh._ [pause] I think - that might be me?

[Everyone exclaiming for Steve to _please_ stop]

 **Steve:** What, what? Nothing to hide here, boys. We’re all mature adults. Well, most of us are.

 **Tony:** Wow, I could feel a chill spread over me from that sudden shade.

 **Steve:** [amused] So, did we tell Violet everything, without actually having to do that?

 **Peter:** Yes, mostly because I did in fact just say the same thing you’ll probably end up telling her, like, five minutes ago. Uh, one question, though, Cap; did you tell her what the Druid Queen told you, about the druidic ceremony that she was put through?

 **Steve:** You mean the wrong version? No. Why would I have told her that?

 **Bruce:** So that she can make a decision on her own as to what she wants to believe?

 **Steve:** I’m sure she’ll have the opportunity to do that, shortly, because I’m not letting her go anywhere, which means she’s coming back to the enclave with us, as soon as we investigate this ruin.

 **Peter:** Right. Do you want to do that?

 **Bruce:** Yeah! [ Pentan rushes in](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3O3SzLu07WU).

 **Peter:** [amused] Okay. Does everyone else follow him?

 **Tony:** Uh, yeah, but more cautiously, ‘cause [ Stony’s good out here. ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54v6WnFdWxs)

**Bruce:** Yeah, and I’m not actually rushing in. I just said that for the reference. I’m taking it slow, too.

 **Peter:** Does anyone wanna rush in?

 **Ned:** Well, not _anymore,_ Peter.

 **Peter:** Oh, all right. I wasn’t, [laughs] that wasn’t me, like, suggesting something bad was going to happen if you did rush in.

 **Ned:** We can never tell with you.

 **Peter:** Fair enough. So… well, I guess Violet’s kind of curious about the tower, too, and so she -

 **Steve:** [interrupting] Peter?

 **Peter:** Yeah.

 **Steve:** Does Violet look okay? Like, she’s not injured, or anything like that? And she’s acting pretty normally?

 **Peter:** I mean, she’s a little dusty, but I imagine you all are pretty dirty, so it’s not that big a deal. But… and I’m gonna give this bit to you, since you’re her brother - you got the feeling that, when she was talking about what she was doing in the clearing, after Stony asked her about it, that she was being a little evasive? Like she wasn’t saying everything.

 **Steve:** Hm. Okay. I’ll keep that in mind.

 **Peter:** All right. So, you all head for the tower. And, as you enter it, nothing happens, so - that’s good. Uh, but the inside, on this bottom floor… the tower is empty, and doesn’t look as though it has been occupied by anything for quite some time. There is dust on the floor, and there is only a single piece of furniture in this circular room, which is a wooden table that doesn’t have anything on it. There is also a stone staircase that wraps around the wall of the tower, spiraling upwards to the next floor.

 **Tony:** Should we roll perception checks, just to make sure this room is as boring as Peter says it is?

 **Bruce:** I will do that, sure. [dice roll] Oh, no! That’s a three.

 **Ned:** [laughs] Pentan doesn’t remember where he is.

 **Bruce:** Pentan doesn't see anything out of the ordinary. In fact, he says,

> **Pentan:** Oh, look at that. Nothing’s here. Let’s go.

**Bruce:** And leaves the tower.

 **Peter:** Do you really?

 **Bruce:** No. He just pretends that he didn’t even try to make a perception check in the first place.

 **Peter:** Okay. Anyone else want to give it a shot?

 **Ned:** I guess I’ll do it; I have a plus two. [dice roll] That’s an 18.

 **Peter:** Okay. Jak, you don’t see anything, but you _hear_ something. You hear… what sounds like metal creaking, above you.

 **Ned:** Mm. Okay.

> **Jak:** I think there’s something upstairs. I can hear creaking.
> 
> **Gray:** Creaking? Like someone’s moving around?
> 
> **Jak:** No, it’s metal. I - chains, maybe?
> 
> **Gray:** Suspended cages.
> 
> **Stony:** What year do you think we live in? This isn’t Fantasy England during the 1400s.
> 
> **Pentan:** Oh, I forgot all about that bit of history. The last time I saw a suspended cage was when I watched [_10th Kingdom_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_10th_Kingdom), the first time it aired on TV.
> 
> **Jak:** Fantasy TV.
> 
> **Pentan:** Right. Fantasy TV.

**Peter:** Okay, sorry. I had to google _10th Kingdom,_ and I just want to say, it aired the year before Ned and I were born, which… makes me feel really weird. Anyway, let’s continue. Do you all want to head upstairs?

 **Ned:** Yeah. But cautiously.

 **Steve:** I guess I’ll go up first, since my reflexes are probably the best, in case something decides to attack us.

 **Peter:** All right. Uh… you all start up the stairs, with Gray in the lead. And when you reach the second floor, Gray, the first things that catch your eye are in fact suspended cages. There are three of them, and they are obviously hanging from the ceiling. One is empty. Of the other two, one has three people in it, and the other has four people in it. Beneath the empty cage is a pile of human bones.

Uh, one of the people in the cages notices you, and he crawls over to the edge of the cage, and grabs the bars there. And he say,

> **Unknown:** Have you come to help us?
> 
> **Gray:** Uh, yes? Are you the druids from the nearby enclave?

**Peter:** His eyes, just, light up, and he closes them, and says,

> **Druid:** Thank the Mother. Someone has finally successfully come for us.
> 
> **Jak:** How long have you been here?
> 
> **Druid:** Too long. Those creatures, the ankhegs, they captured us; they enjoy fresh meat. Already, they have eaten three others, all in that cage.
> 
> **Stony:** Yikes. Well, they’re all dead now, so that’s good. We should get them all out of those cages.

**Ned:** Okay. Yeah, we do that.

 **Peter:** All right. Uh, yeah, they’re all kinda injured, in some manner, kind of indicating that they probably tried to fight those ankhegs, and lost, uh, so they need some help climbing down, and the druids who are in relatively better shape help them sit down on the floor, before the one that spoke to you says,

> **Druid:** My name is Leo; I wish we were meeting under better circumstances. How did you manage to get past those beasts?
> 
> **Stony:** Dumb luck. Uh, we were sent to rescue you guys by the queen druid. I doubt that what you guys call her, but she seems like she’s the one in charge, so -

**Peter:** He actually chuckles, a little bit, and says,

> **Leo:** Teresa? No, she’s not our queen. We don’t think of her as a queen, anyway. I guess she’s more of our… well, to you, she would be our priest.
> 
> **Pentan:** Ah, so she’s the most intune with your goddess.
> 
> **Leo:** Yes, exactly.
> 
> **Stony:** That’s cool. Once, when I was performing in a city at the edge of the kingdom, I forget the name of it now, but there was an old man in the audience. He said he was blind, which was why he liked attending performances that didn’t require him to see what was going on. He paid me extra gold afterwards, and told me that my music made him feel close to his god.
> 
> I’m not positive that means anything important, necessarily, but it made me feel good.

**Peter:** [amused] Did you just make up that story on the fly?

 **Tony:** Well, yeah.

 **Ned:** Why, though?

 **Tony:** I wanted to say something!

 **Peter:** [sighing] Uh, anyway, Leo glances at his companions, and then over the four of you as well, and he says,

> **Leo:** You don’t seem to be in any shape to cart us all back.
> 
> **Jak:** Mm, no, not really. I’m missing some fingers, he was chomped on by one of those bug things, and these two aren’t strong enough to lift a sack of flour.
> 
> **Leo:** I suppose we’ll have to stay here, then, until you recover some strength. None of you happen to have health potions, or something?
> 
> **Jak:** Mm. I suppose I could cast a healing spell. Which of you is strongest, and would be able to help others along?
> 
> **Leo:** I feel fine, but I suppose… here, Prue, you can help support, if you felt a bit better, right?

**Peter:** He’s crouched down next to a relatively beefy woman, who seems to have a broken leg. She nods, and winces as she sort of changes position against the wall.

> **Prue:** I can help, definitely. But my leg’s broken.
> 
> **Jak:** I can take care of that for you. Promise not to bite my fingers off, though.
> 
> **Prue:** Uh… I promise?

**Ned:** Okay. I cast Cure Wounds on her.

 **Bruce:** Also. Prue? Leo? Have you been watching [ _Charmed_ ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charmed) on Netflix, Peter?

 **Peter:** Aunt May was, that last week of break. I needed some character names for this new chapter of the campaign. Uh, Ned, go ahead and roll a d8.

 **Ned:** Three?

 **Peter:** Okay, yeah, we’ll say that’s enough to heal her leg. She closes her eyes, inhaling sharply as you cast your spell, but after a moment, she relaxes again, and looks down to see that her leg is bent the way it should be. And she gives you a grateful look, Jak, before she climbs to her feet, with Leo’s help. And the two of them kind of look around at the rest of the druids, who are all definitely worse off than you four, and Leo says,

> **Leo:** I don’t know how we’re going to be able to do this.
> 
> **Gray:** We can. Violet, you’ll help, right?

**Peter:** Uh, Violet, actually, has been standing at the edge of the room, just, staring at all of these people with wide eyes, like she can’t believe what she’s seeing. But when you say her name, Gray, she sort of snaps back to attention, and looks at you. And she says,

> **Violet:** Yeah. Yes. I can help. What do you need?

**Steve:** Uh… how many other druids are there, aside from the two that are up?

 **Bruce:** Five, I think, right?

 **Peter:** Yeah, there was one cage with three people, and one with four. Seven minus Leo and Prue equal five injured druids, incapable of supporting themselves for the entire trek back to the enclave.

 **Tony:** Oh, shoot, we can handle five of them. Ned, how many spell slots do you have?

 **Ned:** Not many. I only have two, now.

 **Tony:** I have… oh, damn. How many first level spells did I cast, last time?

 **Peter:** That’s something you should have kept track of, my guy.

 **Tony:** Well, excuse me for not recalling something that happened a month ago, DM!

 **Peter:** Uh… transcript. FRIDAY?

 **F.R.I.D.A.Y.:** Yes, Peter?

 **Peter:** Could you… do a search, of the last session that you transcribed of D&D, and see how many spells Mr. Stark cast?

 **F.R.I.D.A.Y.:** Of course. One second.

 **Ned:** Holy shit! Are we actually using the transcripts for something useful, for once?

 **Tony:** I think the transcripts are very useful.

 **F.R.I.D.A.Y.:** It seems that Mr. Stark cast five spells last session. Two were 1st level, two were 2nd level, and one was a cantrip, according to the Dungeons and Dragons Player Handbook for 5th Edition.

 **Peter:** Thank you. Uh, so…

 **Tony:** So I still have two 1st level spots, and one second level, which is four altogether with Ned’s. We can heal these dudes.

 **Bruce:** Are you sure you want to extinguish all your slots on healing them?

 **Tony:** Well, we still have you. And I can do cantrips.

 **Bruce:** I guess so.

 **Peter:** Nothing’s going to happen on the way back to the enclave. If you guys want to heal them all the best you can, in order to make it easier to transport everybody back, that’s fine. But, remember, it’s evening, which means it is getting dark outside. And these people are malnourished, and dehydrated, so… it’s up to you, if you want to hang out here all night, do a long rest, and then head back in the morning, or if you want to head back now, and then we’ll resolve it from there.

 **Ned:** I mean…

 **Steve:** Would we need to roleplay anything else, if we decided to wait until morning?

 **Peter:** Do you have anything _to_ roleplay? Like, do you want to ask these druids any questions, before you head out?

 **Steve:** I mean, I don’t. I feel like most of our questions will be aimed at the Druid Queen, right? If we have any questions, I guess.

 **Tony:** Yeah, I don’t know what else we’d need to ask these guys, specifically, especially since they’ve been locked in these cages? I feel like the biggest thing with the druids, now, is figuring out what’s going on with Violet.

 **Steve:** Yeah.

 **Ned:** So… we should wait. ‘Cause, like, nighttime? I mean, we can still use our spell slots, if you want, Mr. Stark.

 **Tony:** Well, we’ll have to anyway, won’t we? Unless the long rest affects these guys, too.

 **Peter:** I think it could, if you all want to share food and water with them.

 **Bruce:** Why wouldn’t we do that?

 **Ned:** Yeah, true. Okay. We’ll wait, then?

 **Steve:** Sounds good to me.

 **Tony:** [ Star wipe](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72bUheqRE5o).

[Bruce chuckling]


	31. Chapter 3 - Session 1 - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Quaternity are allowed to go shopping, and It Gets Worse!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody, it's ScribbleWiggy, your author, your technical DM, and your... happy to be back for a third chapter of 'It Gets Worse!' best friend.  
> This is indeed Chapter 3, which is about the same length as the last two chapters have been, with plenty of good good one-shots thrown in for balance, so that should be fun. Chapter 4 will be the final chapter for this length of 'It Gets Worse', and currently, I am in the process of writing a full-length, actually based on a plot fic placed in this universe I've created, so... we'll see how that goes.  
> Thank you again for reading, commenting, leaving kudos... whatever it is you do, I appreciate, and will continue to appreciate so long as I am posting new chapters.

**Peter:** [amused] We star wipe to the next day, and we’ll say that… eh, fuck it, you’re all back at the enclave. [laughing] I don’t want to have to DM that entire trip back.

 **Ned:** That’s fair. Never DM travel when you don’t have to!

 **Peter:** Exactly. So, you’re back at the enclave, standing in that throne chamber again. Uh, the Druid Queen, or as Leo referred to her, Teresa, is seated in that throne, and she is smiling as she looks at the seven druids that you have brought back with you. And she says,

> **Teresa:** I am glad to see all of your faces. How do you fare?

**Peter:** And Leo says,

> **Leo:** Not too badly. Could be worse. Lost three of our own, yesterday.

**Peter:** Teresa kind of looks down, and sighs, tiredly. And she says,

> **Teresa:** Yes, I know. I felt them die, and I wish I hadn’t. Still, knowing that our four new friends were able to free you all warms my heart. I’d ask that the seven of you get some rest; we will speak further later.

**Peter:** And Leo nods, and he sort of shuffles all of the druids out of the room ahead of him, leaving you four, and Violet, alone with Teresa. As soon as the chamber is vacated by the other druids, Teresa turns her gaze to Violet, and she says,

> **Teresa:** I see you have come to us on your own, Violet Wakefield. I had hoped you would, when your instincts began to strengthen.
> 
> **Gray:** Hey, hey. Don’t talk to my sister like you know her.
> 
> **Violet:** Gray, it’s all right.
> 
> **Gray:** No, it isn’t! This woman acts like she has some sort of claim to you, when she definitely does not. I know that I can’t make decisions for you, but I need to make sure that you’re safe, if nothing else.
> 
> **Violet:** That’s the thing. I do feel safe, here.

**Peter:** She looks at the rest of you.

> **Violet:** I guess you all don’t feel it, but this place… it’s extremely soothing. I don’t know if it’s just because of who I am, or if it’s some type of magic, but… I feel comfortable, here. Like it’s a good place to be. Like it’s _for_ me.

**Peter:** She looks at Teresa, and says,

> **Violet:** Your clan is the one that made me a druid.

**Peter:** And Teresa nods in response, and says,

> **Teresa:** We’ve waited a long time for you to return to us, Violet Wakefield.
> 
> **Gray:** She can’t _return_ to you! She never left, because she was never one of you!
> 
> **Violet:** Gray, please, for once in your life… stay out of my business. Uh, ma’am? We’ll talk later, once my brother has left.
> 
> **Gray:** Wait, what? I’m not leaving you here with these people.
> 
> **Violet:** They’re _my_ people, Gray.

**Peter:** And Violet exits the throne chamber, without looking back.

 **Steve:** [sighing] Shit.

 **Tony:** That probably could’ve gone better.

 **Steve:** Yeah, I - that was bad, on my part.

 **Bruce:** I mean, it probably could’ve gone worse, too.

 **Ned:** That’s a good point. I think you’ll be able to rectify it later on, Cap.

 **Steve:** I hope so.

 **Peter:** Uh, so, once Violet leaves, Teresa looks at the four of you, again, and says,

> **Teresa:** I truly am grateful to the four of you, for bringing my people home. What did you have to overcome, in order to do so?
> 
> **Stony:** Uh… some pretty big bugs, that liked to spit acid and bite us. It wasn’t the best experience, but I mean, we won, which is more than we can say for our first boss battle, so.
> 
> **Pentan:** We’re definitely improving.

**Peter:** Uh, Teresa smiles, slightly, and she nods in agreement.

> **Teresa:** I’m glad that you all are safe, as well. And, as promised -

**Peter:** And she snaps her fingers, and a druid appears from a small hidden doorway, behind the throne, carrying a pretty heavy looking satchel. And he holds it out to you. Teresa says,

> **Teresa:** Payment, both for your apothecary visit, and for your work.

**Peter:** Inside the satchel are 500 gold pieces.

 **Bruce:** Whoa!

[Ned whistling]

 **Tony:** I mean, druids probably don’t have much use for gold, so…

> **Stony:** Yoink!

**Tony:** [laughing] I take the satchel.

 **Peter:** [amused] Okay. Uh, and Teresa says,

> **Teresa:** Gray Wakefield, I know that you must be confused, with all the new information pertaining to your sister that you have been introduced to in the recent past. I assure you, however, that Violet is only acting the way she is out of her own confusion, and that, as soon as she has a chance to speak with me, she will be much more like the way she used to be.
> 
> **Gray:** Yeah, well, pardon me, but I don’t really want to take assurances about my sister from someone who doesn’t know her.
> 
> **Stony:** Hey, hey, Swordy, be nice to the lady that just gave us a lot of money.

**Peter:** Uh, Teresa stands up, from her throne, and descends from the dais to the main level of this room. And she says,

> **Teresa:** Again, your help was deeply appreciated. Perhaps we will meet again, in the future. You are free to go.
> 
> **Gray:** I’m not going anywhere without my sister.
> 
> **Pentan:** I think she’s made her choice, pal.
> 
> **Jak:** He’s right. Trying to speak with her now will only make things worse.
> 
> **Stony:** Let her be in peace, for a while. If she decides otherwise, she’ll come find you. Or, even if she doesn’t, she’ll come find you. If nothing else, you’re still her brother.
> 
> **Gray:** Apparently, that doesn’t mean so much, now that she’s found her _true place._
> 
> **Teresa:** Gray Wakefield -
> 
> **Gray:** No, don’t. I’ve heard enough. Come on; let’s get out of here.

**Steve:** And, uh, I leave the throne chamber.

 **Ned:** Well, that’s that, then, I guess. We go with him.

 **Bruce:** Yeah.

 **Peter:** Back to… the apothecary?

 **Tony:** We have money to give her, don’t we?

 **Peter:** Yes, you do. And I think she accepts it, pretty gratefully. She says,

> **Apothecary:** I have to admit, I wasn’t expecting you to return at all, let alone with anything to suffice as payment. They would not give you the herb?
> 
> **Stony:** No, they were pretty set on keeping it for themselves. Said they were protecting it, or something, from people who’d use it greedily.
> 
> **Apothecary:** I don’t blame them for that, I suppose. Many have searched for the Golden Cane, to use it for the wrong reasons. Still, I think this gold is more than enough for the services I performed.

**Peter:** Which prompts the question: how much of the gold did you give her?

 **Bruce:** You mean, we didn’t have to give it all to her?

 **Peter:** I mean, there were five hundred pieces of it. She sewed up Ned’s hand and gave him a salve.

 **Tony:** When he puts it that way, five hundred gold does seem a bit out there. What about 50? Would that have been enough?

 **Peter:** I mean, I already said that she appreciated the gold, and thanked you for it, which… I probably should’ve done after asking you how much you gave her, but I think 50 makes sense.

 **Tony:** Great. So we have 450 to spend on whatever we want! Let’s go shopping.

 **Peter:** [amused] You all want to go shopping?

[Everyone agreeing]

 **Peter:** All right. Let’s go shopping. Uh… to the [ Fantasy Costco](http://theadventurezone.wikia.com/wiki/Fantasy_Costco)? No, that’s too much.

 **Ned:** Maybe a little bit.

 **Peter:** Is there anything specific that you all want to buy?

 **Steve:** I need better armor. My AC is only at 14, which isn’t going to work out for the rest of the campaign, if that last battle we had was any indication.

 **Peter:** Yeah, all right. What about the rest of you?

 **Bruce:** I think Tony and I would appreciate something better to protect us, too, right?

 **Tony:** Yes, definitely.

 **Ned:** I don’t really need better armor, but maybe I could find something to buy. How much is 450, split four ways?

 **Tony:** [crosstalk] About 112.

 **Peter:** [crosstalk] 112 pieces.

 **Tony:** Hey! Don’t try to be better than me at math!

 **Peter:** I wasn’t trying. So, yeah, if you wanted to do it that way, everyone would get 112, and there’d be… what, two pieces left over, I think?

 **Bruce:** Let’s go to an armor shop. Do we have to do a puzzle to find out where one of those is, too?

 **Peter:** [amused] Nah, not during a [ Lunar Interlude](https://theadventurezone.fandom.com/wiki/Category:Lunar_Interlude). Uh, the four of you exit the apothecary, and pretty easily find a blacksmith, pretty visible based on the big ol’ forge outside the shop, and the shirtless man pounding on a piece of metal over it.

 **Bruce:** Uh-oh. Don’t give Pentan a shirtless man to play with, Peter.

 **Peter:** All right, he’s not shirtless. He has a black shirt without sleeves on. But he is sweating.

 **Bruce:** A little bit more manageable, I guess. Still, Pentan is… staring away.

 **Peter:** Yeah, I think this blacksmith looks up, as the four of you approach, and he raises an eyebrow, and says,

> **Blacksmith:** Well, two of you lot could be frequent customers of mine. Can’t say the same about the other two, but I never turn away someone with a satchel like that. What can I help you with, today?
> 
> **Stony:** Perhaps we could have a look around, first, and discuss with you if we find something to our liking?
> 
> **Pentan:** Mm, no need to look. I think I’ve already done that.
> 
> **Stony:** Robes, honestly.
> 
> **Pentan:** What? I’m not shy.
> 
> **Blacksmith:** No, you’re not, are you? Go ahead in, have a look. Or maybe, if you can’t find anything, I could improve something that you already have, for a lesser price. It’s up to you.

**Peter:** So, I think that’s a good idea; uh, you can go inside, tell me what you think you might like, armor wise, and I’ll see what I can do for you. Cap, your AC is at 14, right?

 **Steve:** Yeah.

 **Peter:** Okay. What about the rest of you?

 **Tony:** Give me a sec, and I’ll let you know, because I have no idea off the top of my head.

 **Ned:** Why don’t you have your character sheet with you? Mine’s 18, by the way.

 **Peter:** Jesus. That good good Watch armor, huh?

 **Ned:** And my divine protection. No, I don’t know, that might not even be a thing.

 **Tony:** My AC is [ 13 Going on 30](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/13_Going_on_30), hopefully.

 **Peter:** Oh, God.

 **Tony:** What? [ Jennifer Garner ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jennifer_Garner) is a gift. Can’t say the same about the dude in that movie. What was his name?

 **Bruce:** [ Edward Norton](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Norton), I think. Not that I know. I’ve definitely never seen that movie. What movie are we even talking about?

 **Peter:** It’s all right, Doc. Everyone has a thing. Mr. Stark’s is an obsession with the [ Spice Girls](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spice_Girls).

 **Steve:** [thrilled] Oh, really?

 **Tony:** No! No, it isn’t. I don’t know why Peter would say something like that, knowing I would kill him for exposing such sensitive information.

 **Bruce:** My AC is a 12, in case anyone cares about that, still.

 **Peter:** All right. Uh… we’ll figure it out as we go, depending on what kinds of armor pieces you’d all like to buy. Ned, we can talk about something else for Jak, when we get everyone else taken care of.

 **Ned:** Got it.

 **Peter:** All right. So what do you all have in mind?

 **Steve:** I definitely want a better chest piece, I think. That’s what they’re called, right?

 **Peter:** A cuirass, but yeah, I know what you’re talking about. What’s the one you have now made out of? It should be on your character sheet.

 **Steve:** It’s leather. But I have proficiency in all kinds.

 **Peter:** All right. So, I’ll say that you find a pretty nice looking iron cuirass, that looks like it might be your size. But when you try it on, it doesn’t seem to fit so well. The blacksmith pokes his head into the shop, and makes a face. And he says,

> **Blacksmith:** You might be better off just having me improve what you’ve got. I could patch that one you’ve got on for eighty gold, with some extra stuff I have around here.
> 
> **Gray:** That sounds good to me.

**Peter:** Okay, so while he’s doing that, Pentan, Stony? What would you like to purchase for yourselves?

 **Tony:** I really want a sick helmet, but I feel like that doesn’t really suit my character. But I don’t know what else there is that I could buy that’ll help with my AC.

 **Peter:** What about some sort of glove?

 **Tony:** I’m a _bard,_ Peter.

 **Peter:** Yeah, that’s a good point.

 **Bruce:** Boots. He could go for a good pair of boots.

 **Tony:** I don’t want to be stomping around in some heavy steel things.

 **Peter:** No, you won’t have to. You find, somewhere on a couple of shelves filled with footwear of all kinds, a nice pair of sturdy, leather boots. And when you slip them on, [ Cinderella](https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&hl=en-us&q=Cinderella&stick=H4sIAAAAAAAAAONgVuLQz9U3yCosMnnE6Mgt8PLHPWEpi0lrTl5jNOLiCs7IL3fNK8ksqRRS4WKDsqS4eKTgmjQYpLi44DyeRaxczpl5KalFqTk5iQCjoWhSXQAAAA&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjI6unrjcfgAhV2GjQIHV7jDc4QgYUCCJ8DKAAwNg), they’re a perfect fit. The blacksmith looks up from the work he’s doing with Gray’s cuirass, and he says,

> **Blacksmith:** Those are good ones. I’ll give them up for sixty gold, I guess.
> 
> **Stony:** Reasonable. I won’t try to bargain with you, then, since that leaves me with fifty two left over, still.

**Peter:** Okay. You have your boots, and they raise your AC by 2, since I think you had, just, like, shoes, before.

 **Tony:** I’ll take it.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh, Doc?

 **Bruce:** Pentan finds his way over to the blacksmith.

 **Tony:** [muttered] Christ.

 **Bruce:** And he leans against, what, an anvil? And he watches the blacksmith work for a few minutes, before he says,

> **Pentan:** Armor doesn’t suit me much, I don’t think.
> 
> **Blacksmith:** Guessed as much. What are you, anyway? Some sort of traveling magician?
> 
> **Pentan:** Not too far off, actually. How’d you come to be a blacksmith in the Capital?

**Peter:** [incredulous; laughing] Are you going to make me come up with an entire backstory for this character?

 **Bruce:** Humor me, Peter, please!

 **Peter:** Fine, fine. The blacksmith kind of eyes you for a second, before he shakes his head, and looks back down at Gray’s cuirass. And he says,

> **Blacksmith:** This was my father’s shop. And his father’s before him. And his _mother’s_ before him. We’re a long line of blacksmiths. I really didn’t have much choice.
> 
> **Pentan:** And I suppose you hope to continue that line?
> 
> **Blacksmith:** Eventually. Right now, work’s most important to me, just to make sure that I can even support a family.
> 
> **Pentan:** I respect that.

**Peter:** What kind of armor do you want?

 **Bruce:** See, that’s the trouble. I’m a wizard; I don’t really do armor.

 **Ned:** I think you could have a cool studded leather cuirass. You could put it under what you already wear, and still be our iconic Robes.

 **Bruce:** Mm… I guess so. _If_ I could put it under my robes.

 **Peter:** [amused] You can put it under your robes.

 **Bruce:** All right. Pentan straightens up from the anvil, and says,

> **Pentan:** I think perhaps I’ll go with a cuirass. What do you think?
> 
> **Blacksmith:** Might be good, though I wonder what use you’ll have for it.
> 
> **Pentan:** You’d be surprised.

**Peter:** Uh… you find a nice cuirass, studded leather, like Ned said, inside the shop.

 **Tony:** Stony helps you put it on.

 **Ned:** Jak has to step in, because neither of those idiots know how armor works at all.

 **Peter:** Right. And the blacksmith appears, with Gray’s cuirass, and both of you also get a plus 2 to your ACs.

 **Bruce:** Great.

 **Steve:** Yeah, that’s good. I feel like maybe fights won’t be as rough, anymore.

 **Peter:** I mean, things are going to get harder, but… yeah, you’re a little bit better off, now. Uh, Jak!

 **Ned:** Yes?

 **Bruce:** Wait! How much did I have to pay for my cuirass?

 **Peter:** One hundred gold.

 **Bruce:** Fair enough.

 **Peter:** Uh, Ned… I think - I mean, is there anything that you do want?

 **Ned:** [sighing] Not really? I mean, not from a blacksmith, anyway.

 **Peter:** So, what, then?

 **Ned:** I think some health potions would be useful, for all of us.

 **Tony:** You want to spend your gold on something for the whole group?

 **Ned:** Yes, because I’m _that_ party member. Could I do that, Peter?

 **Peter:** Yeah. We’ll say that while the others are poking around the blacksmith, you head back to that place with all the different apothecaries, and buy… what, ten health potions, for 100 gold?

 **Ned:** Can I carry all those?

 **Peter:** Eh.

 **Ned:** [amused] Fair enough. Yeah, sure, that sounds good.

 **Peter:** Okay. And… keep track, of how much gold you all have left, I guess? You might need it again, in the future, I don’t know.

 **Tony:** That’s a little telling, but sure.

 **Peter:** And… now we should take the time to level up, since that’s something we need to do, this session, too. Uh… who wants to go first?

 **Bruce:** I will, I guess.

 **Peter:** Okay. We’re all going up to level six, so… extra HP is coming your way, as well as two extra points into any of the six skills, and at level five, Pentan, you get an Arcane Tradition bonus. Do you know what that is?

 **Bruce:** Yeah, when I cast a cantrip, now, on an enemy, even if it passes any check it needs to make, it still takes half of whatever damage I roll.

 **Ned:** That’s pretty cool.

 **Bruce:** Yeah, I think so!

 **Peter:** What are you putting those points into?

 **Bruce:** Uh… I think I’ll put one into intelligence, and one into wisdom.

 **Peter:** All righty. Next?

 **Steve:** I’ll go. Uh… I get an extra action, during fights, at level five.

 **Peter:** Oh, good! That’s something you’ll use more often than that other thing you have, I hope.

 **Steve:** Hey, I forget, sometimes.

 **Peter:** Where are your points going?

 **Steve:** I’m going to… put both into dexterity.

 **Peter:** Oh, okay. Sounds good to me.

 **Ned:** I get a bonus action, too. I also get something called Aura of Protection, I think it’s called. Let me check, really quick.

 **Peter:** Yeah, you’re right.

 **Ned:** Okay. And I’m going to put points into strength and intelligence. Also, I have second level spells now, boys.

 **Peter:** That’s great, Ned.

 **Tony:** Ahem. Now for the best one. My Bardic Inspiration dice went up to a d8, I get something called a Font of Inspiration, whatever that is, and something called Countercharm, which means I can sing or play an instrument, and I can basically tell anything messing with a mind to fuck off.

 **Peter:** That’s pretty nifty.

 **Tony:** And I get to learn two more spells, from any class.

 **Peter:** And what about your points?

 **Tony:** Mm… see, I want to put them into strength, but I also have wisdom to think about, now, and my charisma is still very important to me…

 **Steve:** Just pick.

 **Tony:** Well, hang on, hang on. Don’t rush me. Mm… I guess I’ll put one in wisdom, and one into strength.

 **Peter:** Great. And that’s it. That’s the end of the session.

 **Tony:** What, really?

 **Ned:** We did so much this time, Mr. Stark.

 **Bruce:** Which was all necessary, considering that break we took.

 **Tony:** Well, sure, but -

[Slight buzzing in background]

 **Peter:** Hey, Cher, what’s up?

 **Bruce:** See, Peter has other things to worry about.

 **Tony:** But I want to fight something. I have a plus one strength modifier, now.

 **Ned:** [amused] Wow, look at you go.

~ END OF TRANSMISSION - LOGGED FEBRUARY 12th ~


	32. A Dudes' Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce and Tony are both alone on Valentine's Day, one because his partner is off on a mission, and the other because he's... sad? Yeah, that's about right.

February 14th 

Bruce tugged the cork out of the wine bottle that he’d brought with him down to the lab, and poured out a glass for himself. He sighed, heavily, as he swirled the red liquid around, eyeing it despondently, before he took a sip of it, and set the glass down on the workbench he was standing behind.

He then reached for his glasses, and placed them back on, before he turned his attention to the blueprints that Tony had given him for a new robot. Bruce appreciated that Tony sought his input on things like this, considering they shared the lab space, but really, he’d always think of robots as more Tony’s thing.

He flipped idly through the first two pages of thin paper, and then he let them fall back down onto the small stack. He turned around, leaned back against the workbench. He picked up his wine glass, and took a larger drink from it, flexing his right hand and wincing. It didn’t hurt all the time, just when he thought about it. That reminder, however, of what he’d done to help the whole universe…

Well. It was worth it. He finished the wine in the glass and poured himself more.

Valentine’s Day. What was he doing down in the lab, instead up in his and Natasha’s suite, enjoying a candlelit dinner? The answer to that question fell to the fact that Nat was away. Bruce hadn’t asked for much more than that, because he knew how sensitive information about her missions was, but that didn’t mean he was any happier for knowing there was a legitimate reason he was alone.

Not that he had anything to complain about. At least he had someone to celebrate Valentine’s Day with, whereas a large part of the population had no one. And, maybe there got to be a point in a relationship where Valentine’s Day didn’t mean as much anymore. He supposed that was where he and Nat could be. They had been together for a long time.

He turned to face the workbench again, his eyes settling on a small box that sat beneath several stray pieces of paper. Ignoring the paper, which was most likely covered in scribbles and formulas, he retrieved the box. He set his wine glass down, and flipped the lid on the box upwards. The ring inside caught the lights of the lab, and the ruby sparkled.

Bruce exhaled, and closed the box again, sliding it into the pocket of his pants. So much for that. Maybe Nat’s assignment had saved him the embarrassment of proposing on Valentine’s Day. How lame would that have been? Natasha would’ve never let him forget it.

“Oh. Bruce, the hell are you doing down here?”  

Bruce turned his head to see Tony stepping off the last step leading into the lab, looking a little annoyed. “I thought I’d get some work done,” Bruce told him, pretending that he’d been interested in the blueprints of the robot.

Tony joined him at the workbench, eyeing the blueprints himself. “You’ve barely looked at them,” he concluded, and Bruce let the act fall, dropping the blueprints back on the bench.

“Yeah, sorry,” he said. He slid his glasses off, and placed them down on the workbench as well. “Just distracted, that’s all. And the robots are your thing. Yours and Peter’s.”

“When Peter’s around to make them his thing, maybe,” Tony responded, fiddling with a screwdriver that had been sitting on the workbench. He flipped it through his fingers. “Nat not around?”

Bruce shook his head. “She sent me an email this morning saying that she left last night. Didn’t say where, or how long she’ll be gone, not that that isn’t normal. Just… on Valentine’s Day?”

“Did you have plans?”

Bruce thought of the ring box in his pocket, and shrugged. “Not really. Just dinner, probably. And whatever came after.”

Tony smirked, and nudged him in the shoulder with the handle of the screwdriver. “Well, now you can be sad and alone like me,” he said, and he set the screwdriver down. “You want to go to a strip club? Or we could just go to a bar, no partially naked ladies involved, if you feel like that’ll break down your moral wall.”

Despite himself, Bruce smiled, and shook his head. “No,” he said. “I think I’d rather stay here and be sad and alone in private, you know?”

“Yeah, I guess that’s fair,” Tony agreed after a moment. He reached for the bottle of wine himself, and took a swig straight from it. He made a face, and set the bottle back down, coughing a little. “How do you drink that nasty stuff?”

“Red wine. It’s romantic,” Bruce explained. “Couldn’t let it go to waste.”

“It’s gross,” Tony told him. “You need some whiskey, my friend, and maybe a hot wing or four. Come with me.”

“Tony, you know I’m vegetarian,” Bruce said, and Tony sighed patiently.

“That’s fine. You don’t need to eat any of the hot wings. And we’ll get a veggie pizza. Now, come on.”

“Where?” Bruce asked, watching as Tony started towards the stairs again, and jogged up three of them.

Tony huffed. “Upstairs. We’ll have a dudes’ night.”

“A dudes’ night,” Bruce repeated, without much enthusiasm, and Tony rolled his eyes.

“Or you can stay down here and pretend that you’re working.”

Bruce stared at Tony for a second, before he sighed to himself, and grabbed the bottle of wine.

“Can’t you leave that down here?” Tony asked, and Bruce shot him a look.

“I spent thirty dollars on it.”

“Fuck, _fine,_ bring it,” Tony sighed, and then waved his hand. “Let’s go.”

Bruce followed him up the stairs, not really excited to know just what Tony’s idea of a dudes’ night was. He did not want to play pool, or poker, or darts. Really, he just wanted to wallow in self-pity without feeling as though he needed to try and focus on something else.

It turns out, Tony’s idea of a dudes’ night did not feature any of the three previously thought of activities. Tony’s idea of a dudes’ night was ordering twenty four hot wings and an extra large (vegetarian) pizza from the nearest, greasiest pizza joint, grabbing a bottle of whiskey, and setting all of these things up on a coffee table in one of the Compound’s living rooms.

It also included a series of rom-coms that Tony said were a necessity for a Valentine’s Day spent alone, featuring but not limited to _13 Going on 30,_ _Music and Lyrics,_ and _Love, Actually_. Bruce was amazed that Tony knew the names of all these movies, and had apparently seen them all on multiple occasions.

He was also amazed when Tony managed to eat half of the pizza, on top of ten hot wings. He also finished off three-fourths of the whiskey, before Bruce tugged the bottle away from him and hid it under the couch.

All the while Tony’s phone continuously buzzed from where it was on the edge of the coffee table. Bruce glanced at it every time a new message came through, but Tony was either doing a very good job of ignoring it, or had forgotten that it existed and was desensitized to the vibrations, because his eyes never strayed to the device once.

Eventually, however, as Jennifer Garner and Edward Norton burst through the front door of her character’s childhood home in _13 Going on 30,_ surrounded by cheering family and friends who were helping them celebrate their marriage, Bruce couldn’t take it anymore.

He reached for the phone, and held it away from Tony even as his friend burst into a loud complaint, and struggled to grab for it. A single tap against the screen revealed fifty different messages, all from varying women, and Bruce’s eyebrows went up as he examined the contents of which ones he could see.

“What the hell -?” he began, but Tony managed to snatch the phone from him before he could conclude the question. Bruce watched in dismay as Tony chucked the device across the room, and winced as it hit the wall beneath the TV, hard, and broke, falling to the hardwood floor, where it broke a bit more.

Bruce turned his eyes towards Tony, who stood, breathing rather heavily, with his head bowed.

“Tone?” he began, quietly, and Tony shook his head, turning away from him. “Okay, we don’t need to talk about it, if you don’t want to. But…”

“That isn’t not talking about it,” Tony told him, his own voice low, and Bruce fell silent.

The credits started to roll on the movie, and Bruce reached for the remote to pause it, still keeping his eyes on Tony, who hadn’t moved. After a second, however, Tony sniffed, and started for the remains of his phone. He squatted down next to it, and picked through what was there, retrieving a few circuits. He slid these into his pocket, and stood up again.

Still avoiding Bruce’s eyes, he said, quietly, “It’s been… literal years since everything. And I still haven’t really managed to process it all. I’ve - I’ve been doing the same things I’ve always done when I’m struggling to get a grip.”

“But everything’s good, now,” Bruce told him. “Everyone’s home, safe. Thriving, even. You have nothing to process.” He paused, let out a breath. “Aside from the obvious, I guess.”

Tony snorted. “And the fact that I caused it all in the first place? All that pain, death… it’s on me.”

“None of it is on you.” Bruce paused. “And you helped to take it all back. You fixed it, just like you always do. That’s what you should focus on, when you get into weird moods. Don’t you think?”

Tony did not respond, and Bruce spread his hands. “It happened, sure. But you helped take it away. And maybe no one will forget that it happened in the first place, but the point is that it’s over, now. Everything’s back to the way it should be, and has been for a long time. Everyone is safe. And it’s partially thanks to you, and… and the sacrifices you made.”

“It didn’t have to happen at all.”

“See, we all know for a fact that that isn’t true,” Bruce said, managing a smile, despite the fact that his hand ached. “One out of fourteen million six hundred and five?”

Tony sighed despondently. “I knew I shouldn’t have let you and Strange exchange phone numbers.”

“The point is, Tone, that you helped make things better, and that’s what matters,” Bruce insisted. “So, no, you don’t need to hook up with fifty women to try and… I don’t know, do whatever it is you hook up with fifty women for. You just have to think to yourself things like… Peter’s on a date with Cheri right now. Bucky and Steve are at Coney Island, probably causing grown men to swoon just from the sight of them. Vision’s alive, and he and Wanda are… who knows where. And you did that.”

Tony was silent for a moment, and then he exhaled, and turned to face Bruce. “I’m sorry I ruined our dudes’ night,” he said, quietly, and Bruce smiled.

“You were already kind of ruining it with how much you were drinking.”

“See, that’s just a crutch,” Tony said. “Not a healthy crutch, but -”

“Tony.”

He made a face, and looked down again. “Could I see the ring?”

Bruce stammered for a second, but then sighed, and reached into his pocket, to retrieve the box that had been sitting in there, pressed hotly against his leg. He tossed it across the space between them, and Tony caught it, turning it around and flipping it open.

He stared at the ring inside of it for a second, before he snorted, slightly. “Nat would’ve made fun of you until the day you died for proposing on Valentine’s Day,” he said.

“Yeah,” Bruce said. “I’m kind of glad she was stolen away on a mission, now, so I didn’t make an idiot of myself.”

Tony smiled, and closed the box, tossing it back to him. “It’s nice,” he said. “She’ll love it.”

“I wasn’t sure if I should have gotten a diamond instead,” Bruce admitted, and Tony shook his head.

“Ruby’s good. Better. Mean’s more, I think, since you obviously thought about it, rather than just went out and bought your typical engagement ring.” He nodded. “You did good.”

“Guess we’ll find out if I can ever actually give it to her,” Bruce sighed, looking inside the box at the ring himself.

“Eventually,” Tony said, moving back over to settle down on the couch again. He blinked, a few times, and then he cursed. “I broke my fucking phone.”

“Yeah,” Bruce agreed, with a smile.

Tony cursed again, and leaned back against the couch cushion. He frowned at the screen. “When the fuck did the movie end?”

Bruce rolled his eyes, and reached for another piece of pizza. It had gone cold by that point, but he didn’t mind.


	33. Chapter 3 - Session 2 - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Quaternity has to buy themselves more time in the Capital, and It Gets Worse!

~ START OF TRANSMISSION - AVENGERS COMPOUND - LOGGED FEBRUARY 17th ~

 **Tony:** I’m offended. I’m revolted. I dedicate my entire life to making sure that Peter Parker is living his best life, and _this_ is the thanks I get?

 **Steve:** What the actual hell are you talking about?

 **Tony:** We were scheduled to begin our D&D session at 12:30 PM, yes? F.R.I.D.A.Y., confirm.

 **F.R.I.D.A.Y.:** On Friday, February 16th, Mr. Stark sent a message to the group chat titled ‘Bad D&D Boys’ reading “D&D sesh tomorrow at noon thirty?” The other four members of the chat, including Dr. Banner, Captain Rogers, Mr. Leeds, and Mr. Parker all replied with the affirmative to that message.

 **Tony:** And who _isn’t_ here, F.R.I.?

 **F.R.I.D.A.Y.:** Currently, all members of that group chat are present at the Compound, aside from Mr. Parker.

[Ned sighing]

 **Bruce:** Wait, our DM isn’t even here? What are we _doing?_

 **Tony:** Waiting! Like chumps! Because the biggest chump of them all _isn’t here._

 **Ned:** Give him, like, five minutes. He texted me saying that he was going to be late.

 **Tony:** Why didn’t he text the _group chat?_

 **Ned:** Dunno, but I was going to ride with him, and since he was going to be late, he didn’t want to make me late, too, so he let me know.

 **Steve:** Why is he late?

 **Tony:** Take a _wild_ guess.

 **Steve:** … because… of… school?

 **Bruce:** I think it might actually be because of Cheri.

 **Steve:** Oh. That makes sense, too. Wait, why -?

 **Ned:** He had to pick her up.

 **Bruce:** [pleased] Oh, is he bringing her here?

 **Ned:** That’s what I’m not positive about. He didn’t really explain it to me? They have plans tonight, since it’s their actual anniversary today? I dunno. When he gets here, you can ask him.

 **Steve:** Well, hold on. I thought they were celebrating on the 14th, and then he had, like, an extra present for today?

 **Ned:** The present is _very_ extra.

 **Tony:** [sighing] He annoys me. He could’ve let us know.

 **Ned:** Yeah, I agree, he should’ve. Or at least asked to start later, when you sent the text yesterday.

 **F.R.I.D.A.Y.:** Boss? Peter’s here.

 **Tony:** [dryly] Oh, good. The prodigal son arrives.

 **Ned:** Does he have Cheri with him, F.R.I.D.A.Y.?

 **F.R.I.D.A.Y.:** Ms. Schultz did arrive with him, yes.

 **Bruce:** Why would he agree to do a D&D today if he knew he had other plans? I don’t get it.

 **Ned:** Let Peter explain.

 **Peter:** Explain what?

 **Tony:** Why you’re an idiot.

 **Peter:** I’m an idiot? Oh, you mean why I’m late? I - Ned?

 **Ned:** Don’t! I’m not involving myself!

 **Bruce:** Okay, hold on. [pause] Hi, Cheri, if you can hear me.

 **Cheri:** Hi, Doctor Banner. Sorry that I made Peter late. And sorry that I’m here, too. I just - I wanted to sit in on another session, and Peter said you all wouldn’t mind.

 **Steve:** We don’t. Did you catch up on everything we’ve done so far?

 **Cheri:** Yes! Including the one from last week. Peter doesn’t seem to be treating your character very fair, Captain Rogers.

 **Steve:** I know. You should try telling him that.

 **Peter:** [sighing] I knew this was a bad idea.

 **Cheri:** Hey, you're the one who texted me and said, “Do you want to do anything tomorrow for our anniversary?” And I said, “We have an anniversary tomorrow?” And you said, “Babe, I appreciate that you don’t seem to put too much stock into that kind of thing, which is a great break from girls in general, but tomorrow will be six months, and I feel like that one’s at least a little bit important.” And I said, “Oh, six? Fuck, I didn’t even notice.”

And then I said, “Don’t you have a D&D session planned for tomorrow, already?” And you said, “Yeah, but we can do something later on.” And I said, “Well, I’d like to sit in on another session, if you don’t think it would be a problem.” And you said, “No, it wouldn’t be.” And here we are.

 **Tony:** But why are you late?

 **Peter:** Because before I picked her up, I had to organize something that’s happening later on.

 **Cheri:** Which he won’t tell me about.

 **Ned:** Which _I_ know about, and am going to document so that we all remember and cringe about it for the next thirty years.

 **Cheri:** Oh, it’s something along those lines, then, is it?

 **Peter:** [groaning] Ned…

 **Ned:** What? I didn’t give away anything _too_ revealing.

 **Bruce:** Will this be a production of some kind? Because if so, I’d very much enjoy being present.

 **Peter:** No! No, no, no! It’s bad enough that I’m actually going to do this for Cheri; I’m not doing it for the rest of you, too. And Ned, no documenting!

 **Ned:** If you’re gonna drag me into it, I’m gonna document it!

 **Cheri:** I’m not forcing you to do anything for me, you know. If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it.

 **Peter:** No, I swore to myself, like, three weeks ago that this was the plan, and it’s gonna be the plan. It’s gonna stick.

 **Steve:** Speaking of, Peter told us that he made you something, for Valentine’s Day?

 **Cheri:** [smiling] Yeah, uh… it was a mixtape.

 **Tony:** Wow. Is anybody else reliving the 80’s, right now?

 **Steve:** I was in ice during the 80’s.

 **Bruce:** I don’t remember the 80’s, really.

 **Tony:** Well, I will say this: I’m glad Peter has found someone to make mixtapes for. I never had one of those.

 **Ned:** Aw, Mr. Stark.

 **Tony:** Don’t patronize me.

 **Ned:** I’m not trying to!

 **Peter:** Anyway -

 **Bruce:** Well, hold on. What was on the mixtape?

 **Cheri:** Uhm - wow, this is embarrassing to admit out loud. Uh… I’m a big fan of [ The Four Seasons](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Four_Seasons_\(band\))? So, Pete made me a mixtape with all of my favorite songs of theirs.

 **Tony:** I bet your _favorite_ song is [ _Sherry_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVAsnD969qs) _._

 **Cheri:** You got me. It isn’t spelled the same, but - I dunno, something about men singing your name is just fantastic.

 **Peter:** It was a stupid gift, I know, but -

 **Cheri:** [patiently] How many times do I have to tell you that I love it? I can’t believe you managed to get _all_ my favorite songs on there, even though we’ve only been dating for six months.

 **Ned:** To be fair, you’ve known one another for like three years.

 **Cheri:** I guess that’s true. Do I really talk about The Four Seasons that much?

 **Peter:** Yes. It’s adorable.

 **Tony:** Okay, my teeth are going to fall out from the sweetness. What do we have on the menu for D&D today, Peter?

 **Peter:** A continuation of what’s been going on. I guess we’re moving into chapter three of this campaign, which still doesn’t have a name?

 **Steve:** We should just call it “It Gets Worse”, because it does.

[Ned laughing]

 **Bruce:** But with an exclamation mark, so we’re sarcastically happy about it? Like, “It Gets Worse!”.

 **Ned:** Once upon a time I was in a D&D group that was only queer people, so the DM called the campaign “Only Queers Allowed Here”.

 **Peter:** See, that’s pretty good. Maybe ours should be “Asshole Place”.

 **Tony:** Rude! I love it.

 **Cheri:** Is not getting along part of the description of being a D&D group?

 **Ned:** Yeah, kind of.

 **Cheri:** Got it.

 **Bruce:** You’ve never played D&D before?

 **Cheri:** Nope, but I’ve listened to a lot of podcasts featuring D&D. I just never really found a group to do a campaign with.

 **Tony:** Peter? Why didn’t you ask Cheri to join our group when we started doing this?

 **Peter:** Because at that point she didn’t know I was Spider-Man, and I didn’t want to have to lie about how Ned and I know the Avengers? And we hadn’t even gone on our first date when we first started playing?

 **Tony:** … I guess that’s fair.

 **Bruce:** Cheri, did you go to high school with Ned and Peter?

 **Cheri:** No, I didn't - there was a starting tuition fee, and my mom couldn't... exactly afford that, at the time.

 **Peter:** Yeah, the only reason I got in was because I earned a scholarship that they give out.

 **Ned:** Which you almost lost. 

 **Peter:** Yep, that - thanks, Ned. Great reminder. 

 **Tony:** Hey, it was a bad situation, but you turned it around.

[Peter sighing]

 **Ned:** Sorry. Let's play D&D? 

 **Peter:** Right, D&D. So, last time… what happened? You all leveled up, got some new armor pieces -

 **Steve:** [interrupting] You made my D&D sister hate my character’s guts…

 **Peter:** To be fair, you roleplayed it in such a way that made me capable of making Violet hate your guts, so…

 **Steve:** I was just roleplaying it the way that Gray would have responded to the whole mess!

 **Peter:** Yes, and that led to Violet being pissed.

[Steve sighing]

 **Bruce:** So, did we go back to the Legionnaires? Because I really think it’s time for us to figure out what’s going on with people wanting Garrick dead.

 **Ned:** Yeah, let’s start working on that.

 **Peter:** Okay. So, after your expedition into the woods to the east of the Capital, where you saved some druids from some cricket things, and after you repaid the apothecary who fixed Jak’s hand and did your armor stuff, uh… you head back to where the Legionnaires have set up camp, outside the Capital. And as soon as you show your faces, uh, Annis appears. And she’s very clearly not happy with any of you.

She stalks over to where you re-entered the camp, and she glares at you all, with her arms crossed. She doesn’t say anything.

 **Tony:** Don’t worry, guys. I’ve got this covered. [clearing throat] I throw myself to the ground, so that I can wrap my arms around her, and I say,

> **Stony:** [choked up] Thank God! I thought I’d never see you again, Annis!

[Ned chortling]

 **Bruce:** [amused] What do you think this is going to accomplish?

 **Tony:** I want her to feel bad for us. Shut up and let me act. Do I roll performance, Pete?

 **Peter:** Yeah.

[dice roll]

 **Cheri:** Do they make things harder on purpose a lot?

 **Peter:** Yeah, didn’t you notice when you were reading the transcripts?

 **Tony:** It’s a 14.

 **Peter:** Okay. I’m gonna say with that role, uh, you’ve alleviated some of her anger, but she still pushes you off of her, like, _The fuck?_ And she says,

> **Annis:** What are you talking about? Where were you all last night? You were just supposed to get the Watchman help for his hand.
> 
> **Gray:** We got a bit sidetracked.
> 
> **Annis:** By?
> 
> **Pentan:** It’s a long story; I will explain it as quickly as possible. Basically, the apothecary who helped Treetop wanted payment, which we didn’t have, so she sent us to get some kind of herb from a druid clan, who didn’t want to give us the herb, so _they_ sent us -
> 
> **Annis:** [crosstalk] Wait, wait, wait -
> 
> **Pentan:** [crosstalk] - to save some of their folks from these cricket things - what?
> 
> **Annis:** Druids?
> 
> **Pentan:** Oh, yeah. Uh… Gray?
> 
> **Gray:** The ones who changed Violet. She’s with them.
> 
> **Annis:** You left your sister with those people?
> 
> **Gray:** She didn’t give me much of a choice. I think - [sighing] I think she’s just trying to figure it all out for herself, rather than, y’know, just getting one side of it. You waiting to tell her everything probably didn’t help with that decision.

**Peter:** Annis frowns, at you, but before she can say anything, Garrick appears. He looks relieved, to see that you’re all in one piece, and he says,

> **Garrick:** Well, you’re not dead, which… is good.
> 
> **Gray:** Thanks, for that.
> 
> **Garrick:** You’re welcome. Uh, but… where were you?
> 
> **Jak:** Dealing with stuff.
> 
> **Garrick:** Stuff.
> 
> **Jak:** Yes. Stuff. Druids, and repaying an apothecary, and… cricket monsters. It was an interesting night.
> 
> **Annis:** Sounds like it. But your hand is okay, now?
> 
> **Jak:** Yeah. I mean, I’m still missing two fingers, but -

**Ned:** Are my stats back to normal, actually, Peter?

 **Peter:** Yeah, you don’t have the negative modifiers, anymore.

 **Ned:** All right, cool.

> **Jak:** I’m good.
> 
> **Annis:** Well… good.

**Peter:** And she sighs.

> **Annis:** The Legionnaires haven’t found any work in the Capital, yet, which means we might have to take up a different job offer that’s waiting for us already.
> 
> **Gray:** But we just got here.
> 
> **Annis:** I know, but the only reason we agreed to bring the group here to the Capital was because this was where you said Violet knew where we’d be. Now that she’s… well, not found us, really, but now that we know where _she_ is… we don’t have any reason to be here.
> 
> **Pentan:** Uh… other than the fact that… the Capital is a great place? Besides, we can’t leave yet!
> 
> **Annis:** Why not?
> 
> **Stony:** [quickly] I have a performance!

[Something heavy hitting a hard surface; Ned groaning]

 **Peter:** Did you just [laughing] smack your head down on the desk?

 **Ned:** [muffled] Yes.

 **Tony:** I was thinking on my feet! We have to stick around until we can figure out what’s going on with Garrick.

[Cheri laughing - muffled]

 **Steve:** We could’ve come up with something better than _that!_

 **Tony:** What’s better than a show? It’s a real thing that could happen!

 **Bruce:** But now we’re probably going to have to get you an actual show, since I’m almost _positive_ Peter is going to make Annis want to see it.

 **Tony:** [hushed] Oh, shit, I didn’t even think about that.

 **Steve:** [muffled] Dammit, Tony.

[Cheri laughing loudly; Ned slow clapping]

 **Peter:** Well, uh… Mr. Stark? You want to roll deception?

 **Tony:** I guess so! I made my bed, and now I have to lie in it. [dice roll] Oh, shit, look at that 21!

 **Bruce:** [laughs] At least you lied good!

 **Steve:** That’s not going to matter if we don’t have a way to follow the lie through!

 **Peter:** I think Annis and Garrick exchange a surprised look, at your outburst, and Annis turns back to you, and says,

> **Annis:** When did you have time to set that up?
> 
> **Stony:** I mean, what, you thought I stood at the green guy’s bedside and nursed him back to health? I’m a performer, Chiquita Banana Lady, always looking for a new place to show off my talents.

**Cheri:** [distantly] Oh my God!

 **Peter:** [amused] Uh, Annis says,

> **Annis:** Shit. All right. When is this performance happening?
> 
> **Stony:** Uh… [quietly] What’s a date reasonably far enough away that we’ll have time to do our other thing? [louder] Next Friday!

**Peter:** Annis rolls her eyes to the sky for a second, and then she blows out a breath. And she says,

> **Annis:** Fine. We’ll stick around until then, mostly because I want to see what a Stony Ark performance looks like. But after that, we’re out of here.

**Peter:** And she stalks away.

 **Tony:** I hunch over in relief.

 **Ned:** Uh, Jak whacks Stony over the back of the head.

> **Stony:** Ouch! What was that for?
> 
> **Jak:** You’re an idiot. What the hell are we supposed to do now, find you a place to perform?
> 
> **Stony:** Well, I didn’t see any of you fucklechucks stepping up with a plan to keep us near the Capital! You should be thanking me, especially you, Cloakie.
> 
> **Garrick:** I mean, there were probably better ways - but… yeah, you bought us more time. How much of that time is going to be wasted, though, trying to convince some tavern owner to let you perform next Friday night?
> 
> **Pentan:** To be fair, it won’t be too hard; this is the Capital. Even if it is some rinky-dink tavern, it’ll still be a place to perform, which is all we need, right?
> 
> **Stony:** I mean -
> 
> **Jak:** No, don’t say some shit, like, “I only perform in classy spots.” You don’t get a choice. You’ll perform where we can get you a spot, since you started this mess.

**Ned:** So, what, now we gotta walk our happy asses back into the Capital to find a place for Stony to perform, or what?

 **Peter:** It’s up to you. We’ll say, uh… next Friday is a week away, so you’ll have time to do _that,_ as well as figure out what’s going down with Garrick’s mess.

 **Steve:** Might as well get it out of the way. Or send a couple of people to deal with it?

 **Peter:** Mm, no, I kind of want to see what happens with all four of you there.

 **Ned:** Of course you do. All right, fine, we’d better figure it out. Uh… it’d probably be weird if we did it right now, since we just got back, so…

> **Jak:** Garrick.
> 
> **Garrick:** Uh, yes?
> 
> **Jak:** What are we going to do about your problem?
> 
> **Garrick:** Well, I don’t know. The first step, probably, would be to get in contact with Quinn, but to do that, we’ll need to get back into the city.
> 
> **Pentan:** You can’t do that.
> 
> **Garrick:** It’s not a good idea, no, but I - I doubt she’ll talk to any of you.
> 
> **Pentan:** Mm! You know what this means, boys? Disguise!
> 
> **Gray:** Of course.
> 
> **Garrick:** I guess it’s not a bad idea?
> 
> **Pentan:** It’s a fantastic idea! Go me! All right, so… we’ll need to do something about your hair, maybe change your clothing around, since apparently they know what you frequently wear.
> 
> **Jak:** Yeah, Scarface did have a description of your clothing with him.
> 
> **Garrick:** Okay. Bard, you’re about my size.
> 
> **Stony:** No! I’m not trading clothes with you!
> 
> **Gray:** C’mon, Ark. Give one for the team.
> 
> **Jak:** Give him your clothes, Bard.

**Bruce:** [laughing] Wait, wait! This is happening in the middle of camp!

 **Ned:** Oh, no. Uh, Peter, we’ve migrated to a tent.

 **Peter:** [amused] Sure.

 **Bruce:** Yeah, Pentan tugs on Stony’s sleeve.

> **Pentan:** Go on, Songbird.
> 
> **Stony:** [groaning] Could you, like, go outside, at least? The majority of you?
> 
> **Gray:** [amused] Someone’s sensitive.
> 
> **Stony:** Fuck off.

**Tony:** If they leave the tent, I’ll give Garrick my stupid clothes.

 **Ned:** Well, hold on. This just introduces the idea of Stony possibly being mistaken as Garrick, doesn’t it?

 **Bruce:** Ooh… I didn’t even think about that.

 **Steve:** Well, that’s not necessarily a bad thing, right? If someone decides to attack Stony in the streets, we’ll be able to stop them, and then convince them to take us to whoever sent them. We’ll just have to make sure that he’s not by himself.

 **Tony:** Oh, great. Suddenly, I’m _bait,_ too.

 **Ned:** Not necessarily. Just if Peter decides to use that sort of mechanic.

 **Peter:** Right. I might decide to, I might not. You don’t know.

 **Bruce:** Well, okay. You were the one to have Garrick suggest changing clothes with Stony, so…

 **Peter:** That doesn’t mean anything.

 **Steve:** [amused] Sure it doesn’t.

 **Tony:** Whatever. I change clothes with Garrick.

 **Peter:** Okay. When that happens, the rest of you return to the tent, and Garrick kind of sniffs his sleeve, and says,

> **Garrick:** When was the last time you washed these?
> 
> **Stony:** Bite my white ass, Princey. What’s the plan?
> 
> **Jak:** Okay… the first thing we should do is figure out where Stony’s going to perform on Friday, so that we have that covered and out of the way, and we don’t need to worry about it later. Then, we’ll shift our focus to getting in contact with Quinn.
> 
> **Gray:** Sounds good to me. At least there isn’t anything we need to worry about doing here.
> 
> **Jak:** Yeah, there’s plenty to do in the city. Let’s go.


	34. Chapter 3 - Session 2 - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Quaternity heads back to the Capital, and It Gets Worse!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody, it's ScribbleWiggy, your author, your technical DM, and your strawberry shortcake aficionado. Not the actual dessert strawberry shortcake, though. I'm talking about the ice cream.   
> Hope everyone enjoyed the one-shot 'A Dudes' Night' featuring two of my favorite boys. All of the boys in this are my favs, but Doctor Banner and Tony are definitely nearer to the top of the list. In case anyone's wondering who's on the bottom, it's Steve, and I am not ashamed to admit it, because I am still not over 'Civil War'.   
> Thank you all for reading, and I will see you next time, with the next session.

**Peter:** So, you’re heading back to the Capital? 

**Ned:** Yes. 

**Peter:** All right. You do that. It’s the same mess as it was yesterday, meaning that you have no idea where you’re going… there’s lots of people crowding the streets, vendors hawking their wares… basically the same as it was when you were last here. 

**Bruce:** Okay. So… logically, let’s think about this. When we were searching for an apothecary, we went through a northern alley, and it got us there. So, realistically, it wouldn’t make sense to do that to find a tavern, or whatever, which means we have the alley going west into the city, or east. Right, Peter? 

**Peter:** Yes, exactly. 

**Ned:** Before that, though… are there any establishments like that here in this first square? 

**Tony:** Well, no, I don’t want to perform in a first square tavern or inn! 

**Ned:** I already told you that you don’t get a choice. 

**Steve:** Peter? 

**Peter:** There’s - well, you’ll need to roll, uh… perception or investigation, I think, to see if you can spot something like that despite all the people that are around. 

**Ned:** Okay, I’ll do it. [dice roll] 

**Steve:** And, Peter? I want to roll a perception to see what’s going on with Garrick, like, how he’s reacting to being in the city after so long? 

**Peter:** Go for it. 

**Ned:** I got a 15. 

**Peter:** Yeah, with that, you can… you notice that there’s a couple of buildings in this main square that have, like, front porches? Which is weird, for a shop. And you notice that some people head out of these two buildings, carrying knapsacks, and you kind of figure that they might be an inn of some kind, some place where people can stay overnight. 

**Ned:** Okay. 

**Steve:** And I only got a five, so I don’t notice anything about how Garrick’s feeling. Let’s move on. 

**Peter:** [amused] All right. Uh… do you want to check out of those buildings Jak noticed? 

**Bruce:** Yeah, let’s do that. 

**Peter:** Okay, uh, you’ve got one that’s made out of stone bricks, and one that’s made of wood. The one made out of stone has someone sitting on the front porch. 

**Tony:** I like the stone one. 

**Ned:** Mm, wooden one it is, boys? 

**Steve:** Yeah, sounds good. 

**Tony:** [sighing] Why must you treat me horribly? 

**Peter:** Okay, so, you start to push your way through the crowd, uh - and you all notice, pretty easily, that Garrick doesn’t follow you? Like, you entered the city through a main gate, and were sort of standing there, figuring out where you wanted to go, and as you move away from that area, uh… Garrick doesn’t. He’s just standing there, staring upwards, kind of. And he sort of looks sick to his stomach, too. 

**Steve:** Uh… I go back over to him, nudge him, and say, 

> **Gray:** Hey, are you okay? 

**Peter:** He, like, jumps a little, when you do that? And he looks at you, and says, 

> **Garrick:** Yeah. Yeah, sorry. I’m - it’s just been a while, that’s all. 

**Peter:** Uh, and he moves to join the rest of the group. 

**Steve:** What was he looking at? Can I tell? 

**Peter:** Gray, you turn your gaze upwards, looking sort of over the roofs of the buildings in this square, and… you realize that you can see a couple of spires of the castle, from over the tops of the buildings. It’s just a couple of towers, but they’re there. 

**Steve:** Okay. I’ll go back to the rest of them. 

**Peter:** All right. Uh, you all head into this inn...? This building, that is made of wood. It’s a pretty small establishment, uh, not nearly as big as the Bookmark in Quora, but there is a bar, and there are three tables in the rest of the space. Only one of them is occupied, and there are two people seated on stools at the bar. There is no one behind the bar, though, and it doesn’t look like there’s a staircase leading up to a second floor. But there is short hallway, that you notice, at the back of the building. 

**Ned:** Yes, a shit inn! Just what we were looking for. What do you think, Mr. Stark? Does it reach Stony’s standards? 

**Tony:** [muttered] Not at all. 

**Ned:** Perfect! I head to the bar, to get some assistance. 

**Peter:** Okay. What about the rest of you? 

**Tony:** I think Stony is just, looking around in dismay. He hates the idea of performing here. 

**Bruce:** Pentan is trying to convince Stony that this is as good a place as any, because he knows that it won’t be a convincing performance unless Stony feels like the performance space is worthy of him. 

**Steve:** I want to talk to Garrick, about the castle. 

**Peter:** Okay, so we’ve got three different conversations to work through, then. Uh… Stony and Pentan, let’s start with you. 

**Bruce:** ‘kay. Pentan says, 

> **Pentan:** It looks bad, sure, but remember, it’s just this one time. 
> 
> **Stony:** So? I have a reputation to uphold! What are people going to say, if word gets out that Stony Ark performed in some shithole tavern in the first square of the Capital?
> 
> **Pentan:** At least it’s in the Capital? 
> 
> **Stony:** You are not making me feel better. 
> 
> **Pentan:** Okay, how about this? After this performance, we’ll find you a better place, and you can wow everybody who goes to see you, and then some, all while performing in a place that deserves you. 
> 
> **Stony:** [quietly] I guess that sounds pretty good. 
> 
> **Pentan:** Yeah, it does! 

**Peter:** [patiently] You both exhaust me. Uh, Gray? Garrick has settled down at one of the tables, and is staring at the top of it. 

**Steve:** Okay. I sit down across from him, and I say, 

> **Gray:** You want to talk about it? 
> 
> **Garrick:** About what? 
> 
> **Gray:** Whatever’s bothering you. 
> 
> **Garrick:** Isn’t it obvious? I haven’t been here in almost ten years, Gray. Just - seeing the castle again, the place where I felt like… like I had no say, like I was a prisoner, destined for only one way of life… I don’t know, it got to me. That’s all. 
> 
> **Gray:** You sure? 
> 
> **Garrick:** Well, it doesn’t help that someone inside that castle, someone with power, wants me dead. And really, the power aspect narrows it down significantly, mostly to my family, which doesn’t feel so good, either. 
> 
> **Gray:** Yeah, that would bother anybody, I think. What… do you think it’s your brother? 
> 
> **Garrick:** I don’t. Honestly, I don’t. But I don’t think it’s my mother or sister, either, so… obviously there’s someone in that family I don’t know as well as I thought I did. Or maybe I don’t know any of them as well as I thought I did. [pause] Maybe time has changed them. 
> 
> **Gray:** I don’t really know what to say. I’m not going to bullshit you, give you some excuse, because I really don’t have any idea of what might be going on, and it wouldn’t matter what I had to say. But, y’know, we’ll figure it out, all right? Not gonna let you die, at any rate. 
> 
> **Garrick:** [amused] Well, at least I have that going for me, then. What do you think about this whole performance mess? 
> 
> **Gray:** Uh… I think that… if the bard can manage to pull it off, it’ll be fine, but who knows? 

**Tony:** Ye of little faith. I will perform as best as I can, both physically and mentally. I just won’t be happy about it. 

**Peter:** Moving on to Jak. You go up to the bar, to get some assistance. As you are standing there, waiting for someone to appear, uhm, one of the patrons that is sitting at the bar looks at you. It is very obvious that they are drunk. And he says, 

> **Bar Patron:** [slurring] Waz an  _ orc _ doin’ in our city? 
> 
> **Jak:** Nothing that concerns you, citizen. Keep your eyes forward. 
> 
> **Bar Patron:** Oi, wassat a threat? 
> 
> **Jak:** Does it need to have been? 
> 
> **Bar Patron:** Yeah! I think so!

**Peter:** Uh, and he stands up from his seat at the bar, and lunges towards you. What do you do? 

**Ned:** [mumbled] Jesus. [louder] Uh, I side-step out of the way. I really don’t want to fight with this guy. 

**Peter:** Roll dexterity.

**Ned:** [dice roll] 15. 

**Peter:** Okay. He falls forward, in the place where you were originally standing, and lands square on his face. He kind of groans, quietly, and he doesn’t get back up. 

**Tony:** Stony sees this happen, and has an existential crisis. Like,  _ Am I really going to have to perform  _ here _?  _

[Bruce laughing] 

**Peter:** [amused] Uhm, and after a second, a young woman pushes her way through a swinging door that’s behind the bar, wiping her hands off on a rag. And she peers over the bar at this man, splayed on the floor, and sighs to herself, before she looks at you, Jak. And her eyes widen, sort of, but then she clears her throat and says, 

> **Bartender:** What can I get you? 
> 
> **Jak:** Uh, nothing, actually. I was hoping to inquire about possible openings you have for performers, this coming Friday? 

**Peter:** Uh, she makes a face, and then gestures around the bar, and says, 

> **Bartender:** Does it look like we’re the type of establishment that hosts sing-alongs on Friday nights? We can barely afford our alcohol, let alone to hire a bard. 
> 
> **Jak:** Then do we have an answer to your problems. You see that man over there? 

**Ned:** I point to Stony. 

**Peter:** She lifts an eyebrow, but nods. 

> **Jak:** Well, he’s one of the greatest bards ever, and his performance is guaranteed to bring in a  _ lot _ of gold. 
> 
> **Bartender:** Who is he? 
> 
> **Jak:** You mean you’ve never heard of - of, uhm [snorting]  [ Elton John ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elton_John) ? 

**Tony:** [shouting]  _ Elton John?  _

[Peter choking from laughter; Cheri wheezing] 

**Bruce:** [amused] Why Elton John? 

**Steve:** Elton John… the piano guy? With the crazy glasses? 

**Cheri:** Why - I don’t get - why did you say Stony was  _ Elton John?  _

**Ned:** It’s all part of the plan. Uh… can I roll deception? 

**Peter:** No, I’m not - I’m not even gonna make you do that; this is too good, to have it crash and burn. Uh, the bartender’s eyes go wide. 

> **Bartender:** You mean…  _ that’s _ Elton John?  _ The _ Elton John? 
> 
> **Jak:** Yes ma’am. 
> 
> **Bartender:** And he wants to perform here? In my tavern? 
> 
> **Jak:** Yes. 
> 
> **Bartender:** Good Gods. Uh - I mean, of course he can perform here, he’s Elton John! I just - I don’t understand why. 
> 
> **Jak:** Well, Mr. John, Elton, he’s very generous. I’m sure you’ve heard that? 
> 
> **Bartender:** I might have. 
> 
> **Jak:** Right. Well, he’s decided to go around to different cities and villages, and give his support to one of the more… lackluster taverns or inns, there, and he’s chosen yours. 
> 
> **Bartender:** Good Gods. 
> 
> **Jak:** Yes, it’s a very big deal. Uh, Elton? Come over here, and meet this kind woman. 

**Tony:** I don’t move. 

[Cheri cackling] 

**Peter:** [amused] Okay?

**Tony:** What? That’s not my name, I’m not going to respond to it. 

**Peter:** Uh, the bartender looks at you, Jak, kind of confused. 

**Ned:** I laugh, and sort of pat her on her shoulder, and say,

> **Jak:** Full of jokes, he is. Give me a second. 

**Ned:** And I go over to Stony, put a hand on his shoulder, so it looks friendly, but I’m squeezing. Hard. 

> **Jak:** Mr. John, the owner of the establishment would like to meet you! 
> 
> **Stony:** [strained] I’m not - Elton fucking John! 

**Ned:** Uh, I look over my shoulder at the bartender, smiling and I shake my head and mouth, 

> **Jak:** He’s just a little bit drunk, don’t mind him. 

**Peter:** Uh, she puts a hand up, and nods in agreement, and goes back through the door behind the bar. 

**Ned:** When she’s out of earshot, I shake Stony’s shoulder. 

> **Jak:** [shouting] Why do you have to make this so difficult? 
> 
> **Stony:** I’m not going to make it  _ easy _ for you to get me a job at a shithole like this! If you’re going to pretend that I’m Fantasy Elton John, it’s going to be to con a  _ good _ place! 
> 
> **Pentan:** Okay, but Songbird, listen, check this out; anyone who shows up here on Friday will think that  _ you’re _ Elton John! You know how fantastic that’s going to be for your image? 
> 
> **Stony:** Until I start to sing and they realize that I am  _ definitely _ not Elton John! 
> 
> **Pentan:** _ Or,  _ you start singing and they’re  _ so grateful  _ to be in the same space as you, hearing you!
> 
> **Gray:** Listen, you do this right, and you buy us time. You don’t, and you’ll never hear the end of it, from any of us. Just  _ cooperate. _
> 
> **Stony:** If you’re trying to scare me into agreeing to this by using your Big Boy Voice, it isn’t going to work. 
> 
> **Gray:** Okay, how about I just  _ kill you, _ and buy more time that way? 
> 
> **Pentan:** How would that buy more time? 
> 
> **Jak:** Well, there’d be some legalities to go through, we’d have to bury him… 
> 
> **Stony:** Okay, fuck, fine! I’m Elton John! 
> 
> **Pentan:** [pleased] Sure you are, and you’re going to be a great Elton John, too! 

**Peter:** All right, so… I guess that’s sorted. Uh, next Friday, Elton John [snorts] will be performing at this tavern in the first square. That’s actually not a bad name for, like, the Capital’s locations. I think I’m gonna make that canon; there’s different squares, and they all have different titles. This one is First Square, the one where the apothecary was could be, like, Healing Square…

**Tony:** [interrupting] Okay, you’re world-building in the middle of the session, which I don’t think is something that should be happening, so, let’s move on? 

**Peter:** Yeah, right, sorry. Uh - Cher, what the hell are you doing? 

**Cheri:** You have so many action figures. 

**Peter:** Good Lord, just expose me like that, I guess.

**Cheri:** What do you  _ mean? _ You have them in your room at the friggin’ Avengers Compound, and you thought no one would know? 

**Tony:** That he has toys in his room? Yeah, I’ve known that forever. 

**Cheri:** He has, like, 15 different Iron Mans, a couple of Captain Americas… 

**Peter:** [mumbled] Still exposing me… 

**Cheri:** Oh, my goodness! Look at this - a Black Widow! 

**Peter:** Okay, that’s enough of that, thanks. [drawer slamming shut] Stop snooping through my things. 

**Cheri:** They were just sitting up there on a shelf. It’s not snooping when they’re out in the open. 

**Bruce:** Uh, Peter, I’m going to ask that you hand over any and all Black Widow memorabilia that you might have in your collection, please. 

**Ned:** I never understood his obsession with those doll things; they look nothing like any of you guys. 

**Steve:** I’m mostly offended that he has 15 Iron Mans, and only a few Captain Americas. 

**Tony:** Well, I am his mentor, Resident Father Figure, provider for all things extra that he requires and or desires, so… it seems fair to me. 

**Steve:** Yeah, all right, when you put it like that -

**Peter:** [shouting] I’m ending the session! I’m tired of all of you! 

**Bruce:** Does he have a Hulk figurine, too? 

**Ned:** He does; that one’s pretty accurate, I think. It’s the most accurate, anyway. 

**Tony:** How hard is it to model a big green monster, though? 

**Peter:** Do you see what you’ve done? You got them off track, when only an hour ago, they were pissed that I’d shown up late. It’s like they don’t even care, now. 

**Cheri:** You’re the one who called attention to what I was doing. 

**Ned:** She has a point. 

**Peter:** I’m - I’m  _ back _ in hell. I never thought I’d be here again, but hey, guess what? 

**Bruce & Steve: ** It Gets Worse! 

**Peter:** And so it does. 

[Cheri chuckling] 

~ END OF TRANSMISSION - LOGGED FEBRUARY 17th ~


	35. Chapter 3 - Session 3 - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Quaternity comes up with another plan, and It Gets Worse!

~ START OF TRANSMISSION - AVENGERS COMPOUND - MARCH 1st ~

**Bruce:** So! Currently, I am in the possession of some…  _ very  _ interesting footage. 

**Peter:** [horrified] Oh, God.  _ Ned. _

[Ned snickering] 

**Bruce:** Tony, have you had the pleasure of viewing the footage that I have in my possession? 

**Tony:** Yes, I have. Thank you, by the way, Mr. Leeds, for blessing me with said footage. 

**Steve:** Oh, is this of whatever Peter did for Cheri on their anniversary? I want to see. 

**Peter:** Ned! That was private! 

**Ned:** Hey, I was part of it, too. It’s my recording. I can do what I want with it. 

**Tony:** I particularly liked the part where you did the splits, Pete. 

**Peter:** [muffled] Jesus. 

**Bruce:** The grand finale? Yes, very good. I couldn’t even figure out if they were lip synching or not, it was that impressive. 

**Ned:** Oh, we were deffo lip synching. You think I can hit that low of a note? Or Peter can hit that  _ high _ of a note? 

[Steve laughing] 

**Ned:** I see someone sent it to the Captain. 

**Steve:** [wheezing] This is the best thing I’ve seen in weeks!

**Tony:** F.R.I.D.A.Y.?

**Peter:** [sudden realization] No! 

**F.R.I.D.A.Y.:** Boss? 

**Peter:** Mr. Stark, I’m begging you.  _ Please  _ don’t share the video on all the screens in the Compound. 

**Tony:** [amused] All right, all right. I won’t. 

**Peter:** [relieved] Thank you. 

**Tony:** But I will Stark Drop it to everybody  _ in _ the Compound. 

**Peter:** No! 

[Faint whooshing sound] 

**Tony:** Done. Now everyone will feel the same joy that all of us have felt in the viewing of this video of Peter Parker and friends lip synching The Four Seasons’s  _ Sherry _ to Peter’s girlfriend Cheri.  _ With  _ choreography. 

**Bruce:** Fantastic. I already shared it with Nat, earlier, but good to know that everyone has it, now. 

[Faint buzzing]

**Peter:** [quietly] Dammit. 

**Tony:** Oh, look, the star is already getting messages from his admirers.

**Peter:** Uh… Sergeant Barnes wants me to tell Captain Rogers that he’d like a similar performance, at some point in the future. Don’t know why he wants me to relay that message to you, when he could let you know himself, but - 

**Steve:** [amused] I’ll never do something like this. 

**Ned:** What, is it  _ above you, _ Captain America? 

**Steve:** No, no. I’ve just been on stage enough in my extended lifetime. 

**Bruce:** How long did you guys rehearse this? 

**Peter:** I don’t know, a couple of weeks? 

**Ned:** Yeah, it wasn’t much work. I was mostly impressed with the choreography that Harry came up with. 

**Peter:** Yeah, he really got into it. Knew I could count on him. Uh… okay, if you’re all done making fun of me, could we move on to D&D? 

**Tony:** Actually, I have a question, before we change subjects and get into it. 

**Peter:** Okay? 

**Tony:** When is Cheri’s birthday? 

**Peter:** [warily] Why? 

**Tony:** Just wondering. 

**Peter:** [sighing] It’s March 15. She’ll be 20. 

**Tony:** Mm! So, kind of a big deal, no longer a ‘teen’. 

**Peter:** She already told me she doesn’t want me to make a big deal out of it, since Valentine’s Day and our anniversary are so close to it. 

**Tony:** Okay, she told  _ you _ that, not me. 

**Peter:** Why would you get my girlfriend a birthday present? 

**Tony:** Because! I want to thank her, for entering your life, and very obviously making you happy. Happy enough that you were willing to look like a fool on camera for her, anyway. Hmm… 

**Peter:** Mr. Stark, please don’t do anything too crazy. I know I can’t stop you from doing anything, but - 

**Tony:** Oh, perfect. Okay. Uh… has Cheri gone to see  [ _ Jersey Boys _ ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jersey_Boys) _? _ Like, the musical? 

**Peter:** Mr.  _ Stark. _

**Tony:** I’m gonna take that as a no. Okay. 

**Ned:** I don’t think the show’s on Broadway anymore. 

**Tony:** It isn’t, but there’s still off-Broadway performances of it, so… yeah, this seems good. Peter, ask Cheri if she’s doing anything on March 16th at 8. 

**Peter:** No. 

**Tony:** Peter Parker, cooperate. 

**Peter:** I  _ won’t.  _ Cheri said she didn’t want it to be a big deal, and I’m trying to respect her wishes. 

**Tony:** Again, she told  _ you _ that she didn’t want it to be a big deal. She said nothing about it to me. 

**Peter:** But I - [groaning] You piss me off. 

**Bruce:** Mm, at least he’s honest about that sort of thing. 

**Steve:** Okay, but Peter, I have a very important question. 

**Peter:** What? 

**Steve:** How long did you  _ try _ to sing as high as Frankie Valli, before you decided not to? 

**Peter:** Uh -

**Ned:** He sent me multiple clips of him trying to sing  _ au natural; _ in one of them, uh, some random kid poked his head into the practice room on campus he was using and told him to shut the hell up. Literally. 

**Peter:** It was really the extended notes I couldn’t get. Are we done talking about this, and can we play actual D&D, now? 

**Bruce:** I like D&D. 

**Peter:** Okay, great. Uh - so… where were we? Oh, right. Stony - uhm, I mean -  _ Elton John _ had just been scored a performance place and time with the help of Jak, so you have that out of the way. 

Now, I’m assuming, you want to turn your focus to solving Garrick’s issue, right? 

**Ned:** Yes…? 

**Steve:** I’m just trying to figure out how, exactly, we’re going to do that. Since we can’t really get in contact with the person that Garrick  _ thought _ we might be able to talk to, what other options are there? 

**Bruce:** Now, hold on, I don’t think Peter ever actually said that we wouldn’t be able to get in contact with that person, just that… Garrick was upset, that she had been the one to send the assassins after him. Right? 

**Tony:** You have that written down in your Handy Dandy Notebook? 

**Bruce:** [haughtily] Yes, I do! And screw you for saying it like that. Condescendingly. 

**Tony:** I didn’t - did I say it condescendingly? 

**Ned:** I think that’s just the way you always sound, kind of. 

**Peter:** _ Okay! _ Uh… yeah, it was never - I never said that you couldn’t get in contact with the advisor, whose name is Quinn, by the way. 

**Steve:** Where did I get that idea, then? 

**Bruce:** Maybe from the fact that Garrick wasn’t happy about it? 

**Steve:** Yeah, I guess. Maybe he’d prefer not to get in contact with her? 

**Ned:** Doesn’t trust her, or whatever. 

**Steve:** Right. 

**Bruce:** Which means… there are options as to how to do this! The most direct, but probably the one Garrick hates the most, would be to try and get in touch with Quinn. 

**Ned:** Let’s not do that. 

**Tony:** Because it’s boring? 

**Ned:** Exactly. 

**Tony:** Okay, uh… what about…

**Steve:** I think we should just have Stony walk around outside the castle in Garrick’s clothing, and then if someone comes out to investigate, we grab ‘em, and ask them questions. 

**Tony:** Mm, of  _ course _ you want to take the route that puts  _ me _ in the most danger! 

**Ned:** You won’t be in danger. No one’s gonna leave you to fend for yourself or anything like that. We’re just going to use you, in Garrick’s clothes, to lure someone out. 

**Tony:** That sounds dangerous to me! 

**Bruce:** Nah, it won’t be; we’ll be there watching the  _ whole time. _

**Tony:** Okay, but consider this, ding-dongs; what if someone else sees you  _ kidnap _ a castle higher-up in  _ broad daylight, _ and comes after all of us? What if they start raining arrows down on our heads, and then stake us on the wall? 

**Ned:** There’s a skill called ‘Stealth’ for a reason, Mr. Stark. 

**Tony:** [incredulous] You want to _stealthily_ kidnap someone? 

**Bruce:** This is Dungeons and Dragons; we can do anything we want, as long as it’s rollable. 

**Peter:** And makes sense within the narrative. 

**Bruce:** Yeah, sure, that too. 

**Ned:** Are you good with it, Mr. Stark? 

**Tony:** No, I’m not  _ good _ with it. First, you’ve got me performing in some slummy tavern as someone who I most definitely am not, and now you want me to parade my happy, cloaked butt around some public square, waiting for someone to try and kill me! 

**Steve:** What makes you think whoever comes out even wants to kill you? Maybe they’ll see you, be confused, like, “What the hell is Garrick doing in the Capital?” and then just come down to investigate. 

**Ned:** Yeah, that’s true! Whoever notices you might not have any desire to kill you, and we’ll end up talking with someone who’s actually pretty chill. 

**Bruce:** Before anything - are we still in that tavern? 

**Peter:** Uh… I dunno. Are you? 

**Ned:** I mean, where else would we have gone? 

**Steve:** The bartender isn’t spying on us? 

**Peter:** No, uh - she went into the back room. There are other patrons in the tavern, though. One of them is unconscious on the floor, there’s one sitting at the bar, just kind of staring into a mug, and one at a table, who’s reading a book. 

**Ned:** Okay, yeah, then let’s not talk about this here. We should find somewhere else. 

**Bruce:** Where, though? 

**Tony:** … the apothecary…? 

**Bruce:** Oh, you think so? 

**Tony:** I mean, maybe? 

**Steve:** It’s an option, I guess. But do we - I don’t want to have to go back there, and explain what’s happening. 

**Tony:** I guess that’s a good point. Well, I’m out of ideas!

**Peter:** Uh, Garrick stands up, from where he’d been sitting down at the table, and he says, 

> **Garrick:** We figure this out? 
> 
> **Jak:** Yeah, seems that way. 
> 
> **Garrick:** All right. Come with me, then. 

**Peter:** And he walks out of the tavern. 

**Ned:** All right, we follow. Yes? 

**Bruce:** Yes, of course. 

**Peter:** Okay. Garrick walks back out into the First Square, and looks around for a second, before he goes sort of to the right, gesturing for you all to follow him. Which you do, sort having to navigate your way through all these people that are also in the First Square, which Garrick seems to be doing super easily. Like, he is just weaving through all these bodies, and you kind of get the feeling that he’s done this before, plenty of times, and that sort of… muscle memory is just coming back to him. 

But he slides through this crowd like water going around rocks -

**Ned:** [interrupting] Oh, good simile!

**Peter:** Thank you. Uh, and he leads the four of you to a small building that is just beyond the archway leading west, out of First Square. From the outside, this building looks abandoned; like, there is a crack in one of the windows, like some shit kid maybe threw a rock at it or something, and the wooden boards that sort of comprise it are loose, in some places. 

But Garrick pushes his way through the door, which is hanging loose on its hinges, and goes inside this… dilapidated building. 

**Ned:** Uh… okay. This is his… drug den. 

**Tony:** Oh, shit, I’m in. 

[Bruce snickering] 

**Peter:** You’ve never smoked weed! 

**Tony:** Of course I have, are you kidding me? I’m a  _ billionaire. _ I’ve - mm, y’know what? Maybe not something I want in a transcript that could be used against me in a court of law. Never mind. 

**Steve:** Yeah, maybe not a good idea. Uh - we all go inside. 

**Peter:** [amused] Okay. You walk in, and Garrick is standing there with a bong and some marijuana - no, that’s not what happens. 

[Ned wheezing] 

**Peter:** Uh, he’s standing there, and he’s examining the ground, but he glances up when you all enter, and he says, 

> **Garrick:** So - 
> 
> **Pentan:** What’s this place about? 
> 
> **Garrick:** Uh, well, when I was still living at the castle, I - I wanted a place where I could go and be by myself for a while? And I found this building - it was abandoned, I made sure of that - and I sort of just… made it that spot. I’m surprised it’s still standing. 
> 
> **Jak:** I guess we should be grateful that it still is. 
> 
> **Garrick:** Yeah, true. 
> 
> **Gray:** So… what’s the plan, to get in touch with someone you trust inside the castle? 

**Peter:** Uh… Garrick sort of sighs, and shakes his head. And he says, 

> **Garrick:** That’s the problem. I don’t know if there’s anyone I  _ can _ trust. 
> 
> **Stony:** Mm, yeah, I can deffo see how that’s a problem. 
> 
> **Pentan:** Okay… any ideas? Anybody? 
> 
> **Jak:** I have one!

**Tony:** Oh, God. 

> **Jak:** What if we… had the bard walk around in plain sight outside of the castle, where anybody could see him? And, obviously, someone will notice him, and they’ll send someone out to inspect what’s going on, and then we  _ snatch _ that person, and then talk to them. 
> 
> **Garrick:** Uhm -
> 
> **Pentan:** I think that might be a good idea. How many people inside the castle might still know about you? 
> 
> **Garrick:** Well, my mom, my sister, my brother… and probably the advisors. I doubt there’s anyone else. 
> 
> **Gray:** Okay, great then. So, if one of those people notices you, they might come down, right? And then we could… talk to them, like the Watchman suggested. 
> 
> **Garrick:** I guess it could work. Unless they send a guard out to arrest him. 
> 
> **Stony:** Quit talking about me like I’m not here! Does anyone in this group care about  _ my  _ feelings? 
> 
> **Jak & Gray: ** No. 
> 
> **Pentan:** This might be for the greater good, Songbird. Remember The Librarian almost killing you to stop you from learning about your magic, because “the king was going to be mad”? What if this has something to do with you, too? 

[Pause] 

> **Stony:** If it does… I don’t want anything to do with it. 

[Laughter]

**Tony:** [laughing] I’m - if I am in danger, I am going to run the fuck away, just… get the hell out of the country. 

**Peter:** Okay, uh… that isn’t a mechanic, so -

**Tony:** What? 

**Peter:** You can’t pull a Tony Stark, and run away from something that you don’t like. 

**Tony:** Excuse me! I’ve  _ never _ done that! 

**Peter:** Okay, uh… let me phrase it this way: you can’t pretend that the thing you don’t like isn’t happening. Does that work better? 

[Tony muttering] 

**Ned:** Okay, uh… Stony? 

**Tony:** [sighing] I guess - okay, I say, 

> **Stony:** … fine. I’ll do it. 
> 
> **Pentan:** [pleased] All right. So, what’s the plan? 
> 
> **Jak:** The plan, I guess, is to put the bard in plain sight, outside the castle. The rest of us will be nearby, obviously, to grab anyone who comes down to see what he’s up to, since they’ll think he’s Garrick. The only issue I foresee… is our incapability to grab this person without attracting unwanted attention. 
> 
> **Gray:** Yeah, that does bring up some problems, doesn’t it? ‘Quiet’ isn’t really our thing. 
> 
> **Pentan:** Mm, but I have an idea on how to solve that! 

**Bruce:** And I leave the building, to go to the apothecary. 

**Peter:** [amused] Okay? 

**Bruce:** Do I find my way there easily? 

**Peter:** Yeah, I mean - you were just there.

**Bruce:** Okay, great. Once I’m there, I ask her about possible mixtures that can be transmitted through the air, that knock people out. 

**Ned:** [quietly] Jesus, Doc. 

**Steve:** [laughing] You don’t think some person who came out of the castle collapsing in the street is going to attract unwanted attention? 

**Tony:** Uh, suggestion? Why don’t I just… cast Charm Person on whoever it is that comes to investigate? 

[Pause] 

[“Oh, yeah!” and “That’s the best idea ever!” from Bruce and Ned]

**Steve:** That’s… why didn’t you suggest that earlier? 

**Tony:** Because I was  _ annoyed _ that I was the butt of everyone’s ideas! 

**Ned:** To be fair, you put yourself in the performing situation by telling Annis that that’s what’s going on. 

**Tony:** You put me in a  _ shady tavern,  _ and told the proprietor that I’m Fantasy Elton John! 

**Ned:** [amused] That’s true, I did do that. 

**Steve:** Okay, but we should probably have a backup plan, in case this person passes whatever roll they make. 

**Bruce:** Yeah, that’d make sense. Okay, then my idea still stands! 

> **Pentan:** Apothecary, do you have anything that can be thrown or attached to something that can be sent through the air, that knocks a person out? 

**Peter:** Uh, this woman looks very confused by this request, but she nods, and waves you closer to the counter, which she disappears behind. After a moment, she pops back up, holding a small glass vial that is filled with a shimmering pink dust. 

**Ned:** [muffled] Oh my God! 

**Peter:** Well, I had to think of this on the fly, so I’m borrowing! 

**Steve:** I don’t get it. What’s the reference? Or joke? 

**Ned:** It’s fucking Troll Dust! From  [ 10th Kingdom ](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0207275/) ! 

**Peter:** I’m  _ borrowing it. _ Besides, the stupid mini-series came out like twenty years ago, and they never gave us the sequel that they alluded to! 

**Tony:** Which translates to they deserve this? 

**Peter:** Exactly! And I’m not making money off of this, or anything, so it’s not a big deal! Anyway, the apothecary produces this vial, and she says, 

> **Apothecary:** We make this based on a mixture of a few different plants, but it’s typically used to help put patients to sleep during surgery, or if they’re in a lot of pain. It induces a dreamless sleep. But… why do you want it? 
> 
> **Pentan:** My big green friend, with the hand injury. He’s been having trouble sleeping, but he refuses to take anything for it. I figured it would make sense to find something that we can just… pitch at him, force him to go night-night. Y’know?

**Peter:** Uh, you’re definitely going to need to roll a deception check on this one.

**Bruce:** Yeah, that’s fair. [dice roll] That’s a 12. 

**Peter:** Okay, uhm… I’m gonna say that she doesn’t really look convinced by your story, but she doesn’t ask any more questions? Instead, she says, 

> **Apothecary:** I’ll let you have this vial for 50 gold. 
> 
> **Pentan:** _ Fifty? _ Yikes, that’s steep. Uh… how about this… I will give you twelve gold, this piece of jewelry that is worth ten gold, and then… you can have this very rare, very special… chess set, that I carry around with me for some reason. 

[Ned snickering] 

**Peter:** Uhm… there isn’t, like, a barter roll, huh? 

**Ned:** No. 

**Peter:** Hm… okay. Uh… yeah, fuck it. I don’t know how we’d do this, so I think she just says, 

> **Apothecary:** A’ight. 

**Peter:** And she trades with you. 

**Bruce:** Excellent. Okay, I return to the boys. 

**Peter:** All right, you get back to the group, and Garrick kind of looks confused, like, “Where the fuck did you go and why?” but he doesn’t ask any questions. Instead, he says, 

> **Garrick:** Okay. If we’re going to do this, we’ll need to be ready for anybody. Someone might send out a guard to grab you, or someone might come down themselves; it really just depends on who it is that sees you. 
> 
> **Jak:** We can handle this. [pause] It might be best if you stay here, though. 
> 
> **Garrick:** Yeah. Just bring whoever you grab here. 
> 
> **Gray:** Sounds good. Are you ready, Elton? 
> 
> **Stony:** [sighing] I guess I better be. 


	36. Chapter 3 - Session 3 - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Quaternity tries to get into the castle, and It Gets Worse!

**Peter:** So… you’re heading out?

 **Ned:** We’re heading out.

 **Peter:** All right. Uh… so, Garrick gives you some directions, to how to get through the Capital to the castle. You pass through a few more crowded squares, going north for the most part, and eventually… you cross into an area of the Capital that does not look like it belongs, strictly based on how nice, and clean, and… _empty_ it is.

As you cross into this last square, looking straight upwards, you are faced with this _massive_ structure made out of cobblestone and some type of dark rock - not obsidian, which you would recognize. This rock is something that you cannot identify. This structure, with fifteen different towers, that you can see, surrounded by a wall that is made of that same cobblestone, is most definitely the castle of the Whitlock family.

What do you do?

 **Ned:** I push Stony out into the open, while holding my other arm out, to keep the other two in the shadows.

 **Peter:** Okay?

 **Steve:** No, first of all - is there anywhere that the three of us can hide, that looks like might be a place where we could easily hop out and help him?

 **Peter:** Uh… no, not really? I mean, this square opens up into a courtyard of sorts, that is outside of the cobblestone wall that surrounds the castle. From what you can see, there isn’t, like, an entrance leading through the wall anywhere in sight, which you think might be due to the fact that you didn’t come straight at the castle from where you were. You kind of approached it from the east, which Garrick suggested you do.

So, you are in the eastern part of the square outside the castle walls.

 **Steve:** Okay. So, I guess the best thing for us to do would be to… find a spot where an entrance might be?

 **Bruce:** Well, can we see any, like, windows that someone might be able to look through?

 **Peter:** Yeah, on all of the towers that you can see, there are windows.

 **Tony:** Is - what of the actual castle can we see, or is the wall so high that we can only see the towers?

 **Peter:** Uhm, no, you can see - hmm, okay, let me see if I can find a reference image that I can share with you guys, ‘cause I really don’t know how to describe what exactly you’re looking at, I guess? Uhm… Yeah, okay, here, let me… did you all get that?

 **Tony:** Yes.

 **Ned:** [ This ](https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-db3c56367c7a1432ce4f0a0eb732e190) doesn’t seem like a good reference image at all.

 **Peter:** No, but this is what I imagine the castle to look like, just with a wall surrounding it. So, like, what you can see of the castle would be those, like, spire things coming off the tops of the different structures, as well as like, those first two windows on each thing, too. Y’know?

 **Steve:** I think I get it, now.

 **Bruce:** So, we’re in a square outside this imaginary wall that is not present in this image -

 **Peter:** Right.

 **Bruce:** But we can’t see, from where we currently are, a way past that wall?

 **Peter:** Yes. Look at [ this image ](http://scribblewiggy.tumblr.com/post/182283950253/ask-no-questions-please-and-thank-you) that I just drew up for you. So, you’ll see, you four are to the east of the castle. There is no entrance through the very nicely defined wall that surrounds said castle. You don’t know about any of the other things, obviously.

 **Bruce:** But, I’m guessing, the thing that’s south, and the thing that’s west, are similar to where we are?

 **Steve:** The south thing has something that might be an entrance, it looks like.

 **Bruce:** Yeah, but going over there might put us all in plain sight, and that isn’t what we want.

 **Steve:** Oh, okay, true. I guess anyone who comes looking can head over here. Okay. Yeah, push Stony into the open.

 **Tony:** Could I -

 **Ned:** No. [laughs] I push Stony into the open.

 **Peter:** Okay. I think when you do that, Stony stumbles forward? Because he wasn’t expecting it?

 **Tony:** Yeah, that tracks.

 **Peter:** So, Stony comes stumbling out of the shadows, and… nothing happens.

 **Bruce:** Well, of course not. We have to wait. Make a scene or something.

 **Tony:** Uh, no. If I’m going to be Garrick in clothing, I am going to pretend to be him in character as well. I _am_ an actor, after all. So… Garrick would definitely not make a scene. Which means, I’m just gonna stand here. Oh, wait! Do I have a hood or something on this cloak? Because otherwise, this is pointless.

 **Peter:** [amused] Yeah, you have a cloak with a hood.

 **Tony:** Okay, good.

 **Ned:** Of course the cloak has a hood! We called Garrick [ ‘Aragorn’ ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2F32%2Faf%2Faf%2F32afafe0d69ea02d84ce7b9a7ea4d0f1.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F286752701244343221%2F&tbnid=SLtbVy8E-0fGrM&vet=12ahUKEwj_-_-Ozb3iAhXOgZ4KHUR2C10QMygAegQIARAp..i&docid=TIc47JwP8wwaaM&w=462&h=299&hl=en-us&client=safari&ved=2ahUKEwj_-_-Ozb3iAhXOgZ4KHUR2C10QMygAegQIARAp) that first session for a reason! The hooded, cloaked stranger in the tavern.

 **Tony:** Yeah, true. Okay. I have the hood pulled up, and over my face. And I want to… like, turn my head so that anyone who’s looking out a window could maybe see, like, the bottom half of my face, but nothing else. You know what I mean?

 **Peter:** Yeah, I got it. [pause] Still, though, nothing happens.

 **Tony:** Well, geez, Pete, give the people a second to get out of the giant castle!

 **Peter:** [amused] Uh, could everyone roll perception checks, for me?

 **Steve:** I got a natural 20, plus one.

 **Peter:** Jesus.

 **Bruce:** A 19 for me.

 **Tony:** Me, too.

 **Ned:** [quietly] Seven.

[Laughter]

 **Peter:** Uh, so… three of the party sees a figure move in one of the windows of a tower that’s closest to where you’re all at. Jak, you don’t see shit.

> **Jak:** [whispering] What’s everyone staring at?
> 
> **Pentan:** [whispering] Don’t worry about it.

**Peter:** Uh, so, you see this figure move, but Gray, you’re the only one who sees it actually pause in front of the window, for a moment, and then move past it.

 **Steve:** So, they looked outside in our direction, and probably saw Stony standing in the courtyard, so now they’re on their way down.

 **Peter:** Actually…

 **Tony:** Of course!

 **Peter:** Uh, a few minutes pass, and a… man with a helmet on his head appears at the wall, peering over it and down at you. And he says,

> **Guard:** What’re you doin’ down there, citizen?

**Tony:** Shit. What do I say?

 **Ned:** Anything but the truth. Anything but the truth.

 **Tony:** Uh… okay, sure, I can roll a deception.

 **Steve:** Or the _bard_ can put on a _performance,_ which is something you’ve done unnecessarily at least five times, now.

 **Tony:** _Maybe_ three times, but yeah, I see what you’re saying. Uh… [delighted] Oh! I’ve got it.

 **Ned:** Oh, God, I don’t want to know, because I’m sure it’s going to mess up everything.

 **Tony:** No, don’t worry. I’m about to solve _all_ our problems. Ahem. DM?

 **Peter:** [warily] Yes?

 **Tony:** I would like… to play dead.

[Pause]

[Someone slow clapping; someone knocking their head against a hard surface]

 **Peter:** [muffled] _Why?_

 **Tony:** I want to get in the castle!

 **Ned:** [pained] That isn’t what we’re trying to do! If you go in the castle, we’re not going to be able to come in after you!

 **Tony:** So?

 **Ned:** So… [sighs] So nothing, I guess. I can’t - I don’t even want to try to form an argument, because I hate to say it, but I really think this might work better than our other plan.

 **Bruce:** Honestly? So do I. [laughing]

 **Steve:** Just let him go for it.

 **Tony:** Yes! I want to go for it.

 **Peter:** [amused, but also tired] Uh… okay. Describe to me the way you ‘play dead’.

 **Tony:** I just collapse. Like, let my knees go weak and fall, but not so that I hurt myself, you know?

 **Peter:** Okay. Go ahead and roll performance. [quietly] God, I hope you don’t roll badly, because I don’t have any idea how I’d rectify that.

 **Tony:** [dice roll] That is a… 16.

 **Bruce:** _Jesus._ If you didn’t have that plus six -

 **Tony:** [interrupting] That could’ve gone very badly, yeah.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uhm… shit. I guess… I guess this guard sees you fall over, and kind of, like, makes a face that the rest of you can see, like, “The fuck is going on?” But he does disappear from up on the wall, and after a second, uh, part of the wall that you can see actually slides out of the way, and the guard comes through it, heading over to where Stony is currently lying on the ground. And he leans down to inspect you.

I am giving you all an opportunity to do something, here, if any of you aren’t positive that you want Stony to be taken into the castle. Do - are you all absolutely certain that this is the way you want to do this?

 **Ned:** Yeah, fuck it. I mean, It Gets Worse!, right?

 **Bruce:** True, yeah. I say let it happen.

 **Peter:** Cap?

 **Steve:** Well, do I know that… that what Pentan has does what it does? Or do I not even know that he has it? I don’t think I do, actually, because -

 **Bruce:** [interrupting] Oh, I see what you’re thinking. Yeah, good idea. Uh, Peter? Pentan would like to try and hit Stony with his Troll Dust, before the guard can take him away.

 **Tony:** Okay, well… that won’t really give me a chance to accomplish anything in a timely manner.

 **Bruce:** No, but this way, you’re less likely to get thrown into the dungeon or something for playing dead. What would I need to roll to do this?

 **Peter:** Uh… huh. I don’t really know, because I’m assuming that you want to do it without attracting the attention of the guard, but also… it’s kind of like a ranged attack, because you’re having to throw it at him.

 **Bruce:** Can’t I shake some into my hand and blow it? That would work, right?

 **Peter:** Mm… yeah, I guess so. Uh… okay, then, go ahead and just make a stealth check, I guess.

 **Steve:** [laughs] This is the thing we wanted to avoid!

 **Ned:** Yeah, having to make a stealth check. This is gonna be like with the cricket monsters all over again.

 **Bruce:** Does someone want to come and kiss my die, to make it lucky?

 **Tony:** [muffled] Just fucking roll it!

 **Bruce:** Okay, okay. [dice roll] FUCK! [much quieter] It’s a six.

[A cacophony of noises; someone shouting indiscernibly; someone laughing but also crying?; Peter sighing]

 **Peter:** I knew - okay, well, this is what happens, I guess. Uh… Doc, you go to blow this dust in Stony’s general direction, and the guard catches sight of it, on the wind, since it’s shimmery pink dust and _very_ obvious? And he kind of lets out a shout of surprise, and draws his weapon, but doesn’t immediately attack you. What do you?

 **Bruce:** [quickly; above Ned] I cast Charm Person!

 **Ned:** [quietly] Oh, yeah, that works, too.

 **Steve:** Were you just going to attack him?!

 **Ned:** I was gonna do something!

 **Peter:** Okay, uh, this guard rolled a nine as his wisdom saving throw, so… I guess you pass.

 **Bruce:** Oh, thank God.

 **Peter:** Uh, his eyes glaze over, and he lowers his sword.

> **Pentan:** Why don’t we put that away completely, buddy? No need to draw attention.
> 
> **Guard:** Okay.

**Peter:** He puts his sword away.

> **Pentan:** Uh, could you come over here, please? Stand in the shadows with us for a second? It’s nice and cool under here, and you’re probably hot, with all that armor on, yeah?
> 
> **Guard:** Yeah, I guess I’m a little warm.

**Peter:** He looks over at Stony, who - uh, are you still playing dead?

 **Tony:** Yes. Staying in character is very important!

 **Peter:** Okay. Yeah, the guard looks at Stony, and then at you, Pentan, and he says,

> **Guard:** Should we do something for him?

**Bruce:** Oh, that’s a very important question. Did he still get hit by the Troll Dust?

 **Peter:** Oh, shit, uh… yeah, y’know what? He did. Mr. Stark, you’re fast asleep. You have no idea what’s going on around you, anymore. Your consciousness is just… a black mass.

 **Tony:** Okay, great. That means I don’t have to involve myself. [fake snoring]

 **Peter:** What do you say to the guard?

 **Bruce:** Pentan says,

> **Pentan:** Mm… no, I think he’ll be fine where he is. Come with us, though. I have some questions to ask you.
> 
> **Guard:** Okay.

**Peter:** And he shuffles into sort of the secluded, out-of-sight spot that the three of you have been standing in. Uh, and he says,

> **Guard:** I don’t know what I was doing, pulling out my sword like that. I’m sorry.
> 
> **Pentan:** No, it’s fine, pal. But uh… I wanted to ask what you were doing on the wall, in the first place.
> 
> **Guard:** Oh, well, the queen sent me down, to check on that suspicious figure that’s lying back there.
> 
> **Stony:** [fake snoring]
> 
> **Guard:** She said he didn’t look very friendly, and that she wanted me to get him away from the castle.
> 
> **Pentan:** I see. This is Queen Giselle?

**Ned:** Where in the _hell_ did you get that name?

 **Bruce:** It’s her name! Garrick’s mother! Tell them, Peter.

 **Peter:** [amused] Uh, yeah, that is her name.

 **Bruce:** [pleased] See?

 **Peter:** The guard says,

> **Guard:** Yeah, that’s the one. Not that there’s any other queen. Uh, there’s the princess, but she’s kinda been AWOL for a while, so -
> 
> **Gray:** [interrupting] What do you mean?
> 
> **Guard:** Y’know, AWOL? Like, she went somewhere, and didn’t mention it to anybody? Not even the king, which is weird, considering that they’re siblings and everything.
> 
> **Jak:** So, Princess Jacqueline up and went somewhere, but didn’t tell anyone where she was going?
> 
> **Guard:** She didn’t even tell anybody _that_ she was going. She just wasn’t in her bedchamber one morning when the maids went in to wake her up, like they do every morning. It caused a pretty serious ruckus inside the castle, let me tell you.
> 
> **Stony:** [fake snoring very loudly]

**Ned:** Oh my God, _stop._ We get it, you want us to do something about you!

 **Tony:** No, no. That was me just reminding you all that I’m laying on the _ground._ Passed out.

 **Bruce:** Okay, here’s what I think should happen.

> **Pentan:** Treetop, you grab Songbird, take him back to the abandoned house. Baby Blue and I will go into the castle with the help of our new friend, here.

**Steve:** [laughing] _Baby Blue?_ I waited so long to find out what my nickname is, and you give me _Baby Blue?_

 **Bruce:** Pentan calls it like he sees it, Baby Blue.

> **Jak:** But I want to go!
> 
> **Pentan:** We can’t just leave him lying there like that; if anything, _that’ll_ attract unwanted attention.
> 
> **Jak:** [sighing] Can’t we just take him inside?
> 
> **Guard:** What do you want inside the castle, anyway?
> 
> **Pentan:** We actually need to talk to the queen.
> 
> **Jak:** No, that’s not a good idea. See, this is why you need me to come with you.
> 
> **Pentan:** Okay, but Gray knows Garrick the best.
> 
> **Guard:** Sorry, did you say Garrick?
> 
> **Pentan:** Uh, yes, but he’s no one important. Could you take us in to see the queen, though? He is important to her.

**Peter:** He seems to think about it, for a second, and he actually does look kind of unsure, like, he really does want to help you, but he doesn’t know if it’s such a good idea. And he says,

> **Guard:** I don’t know, friend. I like you a lot, but… taking some strangers off the street into the castle seems like a _really_ bad idea...
> 
> **Pentan:** Yes, I understand that, but… we really do need to speak with the queen.
> 
> **Jak:** [mumbled] Really think _that’s_ a bad idea…
> 
> **Pentan:** Why are you still here, even? Go grab [ Sleeping Beauty ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleeping_Beauty) and get out of here!
> 
> **Jak:** You can’t tell me what to do.
> 
> **Gray:** C’mon, Bennet. Make this easy.

**Ned:** [groaning] This is going to go _so bad._

 **Bruce:** Well, if it does, you’ll have had no part in it, so you can sleep easy.

 **Ned:** [sighing] All right. Screw it. Jak goes and picks up Stony, and then heads back to where the abandoned house is.

 **Peter:** Okay. And Pentan, you’re still trying to convince the guard to get you inside the castle?

 **Tony:** Yeah, and remember, Bruce, that this guard is going to know you charmed him at the end of the spell, so…

 **Bruce:** I’ve got it. Don’t worry.

 **Tony:** If you’re sure.

 **Bruce:** Does he agree to get us in, Peter?

 **Peter:** Yeah, I think once he realizes that he isn’t going to have to worry about getting a sleeping man and an orc inside, he’s much more willing to give it a shot. He invites you to follow him through that hidden entrance in the wall around the castle.

 **Steve:** Okay, we go with him.

 **Bruce:** Definitely.

 **Peter:** All right. Once you’re past the wall, you’re faced with the full vision of this castle, and it is big. It also looks exactly like that picture I sent you, structure-wise. From where you’re standing, you can see a wooden door kind of tucked away into the wall, and the guard heads for that.

 **Bruce:** I feel like this guard needs a name.

 **Steve:** Yeah, if he’s helping us sneak into the castle, he definitely deserves a name.

 **Peter:** Uh… okay? Doc, since you’re the one who charmed him, you can give him a name, I guess.

[Pause]

 **Bruce:** His name is Westley.

 **Tony:** Mm, good.

 **Bruce:** [ _Princess Bride_ ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Princess_Bride_\(film\)) deserves more recognition.

 **Peter:** Okay, uh… Westley holds the door open for you two, and when you enter through it, you find yourselves in a barracks of sorts, that seems to be in sort of the basement of the castle? Think [ Dragonsreach ](https://elderscrolls.fandom.com/wiki/Dragonsreach) in [ Whiterun ](https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Skyrim:Whiterun) , in [ _Skyrim_ ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Elder_Scrolls_V:_Skyrim) _?_ You all got that reference?

 **Steve:** I don’t, but that’s okay.

 **Peter:** Yeah, it’s not too big a deal that you get it, because Westley leads you out of this space pretty quickly, and up a set of stairs to another door, which he opens and pokes his head out of, taking a quick look around. And then he looks back at you, and he says,

> **Westley:** Okay, I’m… I’m not really sure this is going to go so well, so… if you could walk as inconspicuous as possible, make it seem like you’re supposed to be here, that would be a big help.
> 
> **Pentan:** Got it.

**Peter:** Okay, both of you can go ahead and roll either a performance check, or a stealth check. Either will work in this scenario.

[Dice rolling]

 **Steve:** Hah! Another natural 20, plus two. On stealth.

 **Bruce:** I got a 17 for performance.

 **Peter:** Okay. [laughs] This is what I think is happening, then, uh… Westley waves you both forward, out of this room, and then he starts walking down the hallway on the other side of the door. And while Pentan is walking along next to him, pretty casually, uh, Gray, you’re kind of darting from place to place, like… this hallway has statues and plants down it? So you keep jogging to the next one, and to the next one, and just like, hiding behind them, to keep out of sight.

And, Westley kind of looks concerned, that this isn’t going to go so good, but at one point, a guard comes down the hall, and just nods at him, doesn’t even look twice at Pentan, or at where Gray is squatting behind a suit of armor.

 **Bruce:** See? It’s going great.

 **Ned:** Okay, but you haven’t even reached the queen yet. I’m not looking forward to that at all.

 **Steve:** It’ll be fine!

 **Peter:** So, Westley leads you both down this long hallway to another set of stairs at the end of it, and he gestures towards them and says,

> **Westley:** The queen regent has her chambers on the fourth floor. I should stay down here, since this is where I’m posted. Just act normal, and everything will be fine.
> 
> **Pentan:** Thank you for getting us this far, friend Westley. We will not forget you.

**Peter:** He nods, and heads back down the hallway. And… you two are alone, in this castle, on the search for the queen regent. Let’s hop over to Jak and Stony really quick, though, just to, like, make sure they don’t feel left out.

 **Tony:** Ah, I’m sleeping. Don’t worry about me.

 **Peter:** Uh, so, Jak, you carry Stony through the streets of the Capital, back to Garrick’s abandoned building. And when you push your way inside, Garrick jumps up, holding out one of his daggers, but he relaxes when he sees it’s only you. But he frowns, too, when he sees that you’re carrying Stony, and he says,

> **Garrick:** What the hell happened?
> 
> **Jak:** Mishap. Troll Dust, bad aim, just… it didn’t go so good.
> 
> **Garrick:** Okay… well, where are the other two?

**Ned:** Is there a place where I can put Stony down?

 **Peter:** The floor?

 **Ned:** All right, I do that, and then I say,

> **Jak:** Inside the castle.

**Peter:** And Garrick just… goes pale. Like, completely. All of the color has drained from his face. He kind of staggers backward, until he can lean against the wall, and he’s just blinking at the floor.

> **Jak:** I know, I didn’t like the idea of it, either, but the wizard charmed a guard, and then he just… made up his mind. I couldn’t convince him otherwise.

**Peter:** He looks at you, and he says, kind of quietly,

> **Garrick:** Did they have a plan, at least?
> 
> **Jak:** He wants to speak with your mother.

**Peter:** Uh… Garrick closes his eyes, and leans his head back against the wall. He obviously is not enjoying any of the information you’re sharing with him.

> **Jak:** Well, while we’re talking about bad news, uh… I guess I should let you know that the princess is missing.

**Peter:** His eyes open, and he looks at you, and he says,

> **Garrick:** What do you mean?
> 
> **Jak:** I mean… she’s not in the castle. She left, apparently, and no one in the castle knows where she went. The guard said AWOL.
> 
> **Garrick:** That’s unlike her. They really have no idea where she went?
> 
> **Jak:** That’s what the guard said.

**Peter:** Garrick falls silent, for a moment, as though thinking through what you said. And you see his expression shift, to one that looks almost resigned, and he glances down at where Stony is currently lying on the floor. And then he looks up as you, Jak, and he says,

> **Garrick:** I think it’s time I told you all the truth about the bard.

~ END OF TRANSMISSION - LOGGED MARCH 1st ~


	37. Chapter 3 - Session 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a THEME SONG, and It Gets Worse!

~ START OF TRANSMISSION - AVENGERS COMPOUND - MARCH 15th ~

 **Peter:** The night sky is filled with bright stars that look down on the castle inhabited by the Whitlock family, who have ruled the country of Adren for over two hundred years. Supported by a solid advisor system as well as a guard regiment that would sacrifice their lives for any of the royal family, the Whitlocks have managed to hold onto their reign longer than anyone expected of them, considering some of the rocky history the family itself has faced during its time as the monarchy of Adren.

The castle itself is quiet inside. Sleepy guards on the midnight shift stand in the many hallways of the complicated building, dozing off in turns. Candles litter sconces that dot the halls, creating a soft golden light that is rather ambiatic, and definitely capable of drawing someone into sleep, if they stare at the flickering shadows dancing on the walls for too long.

Most of the chambers in the castle are dark, the different inhabitants all asleep for the night, from cooks to maids, to even the prince and princess, neither older than four. The queen has fallen asleep in her private reading room, a book that she’d been wanting to finish lying on the floor near the comfortable armchair that she had curled up in.

Only one bedchamber remains lit up, but only with one candle, on a table near the head of the bed. Two figures lie in the bed, both fast asleep. One is the king of Adren, Julien Whitlock. He is lying on his back, one arm behind his head, his dark beard and hair in disarray.

Lying next to him, her head resting on his chest, is a young woman, naked. Her auburn hair has been pulled free of the braid that it had been in an hour before, and now lies spread out like a curtain over her face. After a moment, she changes position, moving off of the king and onto her own pillow, her hair shifting back over her shoulder as she does so, and thus revealing her face.

It is the face of Aspen Durham, the daughter of the Advisor for Knowledge. Aspen Durham, who will eventually flee the Capital to join a traveling troupe of performers, to remove herself from the threat that the queen would pose to her, and her unborn child. Aspen Durham, who would marry the leader of that troupe of performers, so as not to have a baby born out of wedlock.

Aspen Durham, who would become Aspen Ark, the mother of Stony Ark - the bastard son of King Julien Whitlock.

[[It Gets Worse! Main Theme](https://youtu.be/3TOmVFUnunc) by C. M. Schultz plays]

 **Peter:** What’s up, guys? It’s been a minute, hasn’t it?

 **Ned:** I mean, not really? Two weeks, I guess. Two weeks and a day.

 **Peter:** Today is my girlfriend’s twentieth birthday, in case any of you were curious and cared.

 **Tony:** Pfft, you’re late, my friend. I sent her a text message at midnight!

 **Peter:** No, you didn’t.

 **Tony:** I didn’t, no, but - well, I’m a little worried to know how _you_ already knew that.

 **Peter:** I could’ve just used logic and guessed really well, but no, I was with her last night. I’m _not ashamed._

 **Steve:** It’s good that you’re not, but… maybe the rest of us don’t want to hear about it?

 **Peter:** Well, jeez, Cap, I wasn’t going to go into, like, precise detail or anything. Yikes.

 **Bruce:** Yeah, what do you think he is, Steve? Some kind of… nasty, hormonal boy who thinks we’re his friends in the locker room that he has to brag about his latest sexual exploits to?

 **Peter:** I wouldn’t do that just in general. But I decided I needed to say something, before Mr. Stark said something else that was, like, an innuendo that really didn’t make any sense, but made everyone uncomfortable anyway?

 **Ned:** I think you already made us uncomfortable with this weird… intro thing that you just did. What the hell, I mean, you _wrote a theme song._ Do you _think_ you’re [ Griffin McElroy](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Griffin_McElroy), or what?

 **Tony:** And, like, _major spoilers_ with that prologue or whatever you want to call it.

 **Peter:** [amused] Cheri wrote the song. I just asked her to. And yeah, major spoilers, but like, that’s all going to come out in this session, anyway, so not too spoiler-y?

 **Tony:** Whatever. All that aside, uh… I’m basically royalty, what’s up. You all have to listen to everything I say, now. Boo-yah.

 **Ned:** Mm, no, I don’t think that’s how it works, considering you’re the king’s _bastard_.

 **Steve:** [amused] I want Peter to reveal that he only did this so that we can all call Stony ‘bastard’, now, since we’re all assholes and it’s something that we’d do.

 **Bruce:** I’m trying to figure out what this whole concept of Stony being the king’s bastard means in line with the overarching story.

 **Peter:** [pleased] Oh, good, no one’s deciphered it yet, so it’ll be a big shock when it comes out. Fantastic.

 **Ned:** What the hell are you saying? There’s _more?_

 **Peter:** Oh, buddy, you have no idea.

 **Steve:** The only problem I foresee is Stony letting this go to his head.

 **Tony:** Nah, that won’t happen. Stony would _definitely_ not want to be king of _anything._ That’s too much responsibility for him.

 **Steve:** Mm, okay, so also something you took from yourself and put into your imaginary character. Got it.

 **Bruce:** Yeah, I’ve realized that Stony is kind of a copy-and-paste version of Tony, except with added musical ability.

 **Tony:** So I’m not creative! Sue me.

 **Ned:** [laughing] Never! I’m already broke!

 **Tony:** Yeah, exactly.

 **Peter:** Anyway…

 **Tony:** Oh, also, uh, Pete, Cheri wanted me to let you know that if you want to go with her to see _Jersey Boys -_

 **Peter:** Wait, wait. You really do have Cheri’s number?

 **Tony:** Uh… yeah, dude. Get with it.

 **Peter:** [pained] _Why_ do you have my girlfriend’s number?

 **Tony:** In case of emergency, obviously. So, she said -

 **Peter:** Why didn’t she just talk to me about _Jersey Boys?_

 **Tony:** Probably because you don’t want her to enjoy her twentieth birthday present from her boyfriend’s rich Resident Father Figure.

 **Peter:** I never said that! I just - I never said anything about _Jersey Boys._

 **Ned:** Oh my God, could we _not_ talk about this during the D &D session? This is my only outlet of joy and creativity, and I only get to take part in it maybe twice a month, so I’d like to have fun when it’s happening, not hate my entire existence because I have to listen to a really weird argument between my best friend and his rich Resident Father Figure about my best friend’s girlfriend!

 **Bruce:** Maybe you, me, and Steve can do our own D&D campaign. Nat said she’d be interested in learning how to play, if we ever started a new one, so that’s a third player. Is that enough for a party?

 **Ned:** Yeah, I think so. I ran a solo adventure, once. That wasn’t the most exciting, but it helped me improve my character voices a lot, ‘cause I was _literally_ every other character in that campaign.

 **Peter:** A solo adventure? I didn’t even know that was a thing, but it sounds cool.

 **Ned:** It was. Hard work, but cool.

 **Tony:** Anyway. Could we reveal for serious that I’m actually royalty?

 **Peter:** I wanted to start with Gray and Pentan inside the castle, actually.

[Pause]

 **Bruce:** Y’know…

[Ned wheezing]

 **Bruce:** [laughing] Maybe we don’t need to talk to the queen, after all.

 **Peter:** See, you can’t back out now, because Pentan and Gray don’t know anything.

 **Steve:** To be fair, there’s no reason for the queen to want _us_ dead, right? We’re not going to tell her that we’re companions of her late husband’s bastard son.

 **Bruce:** I guess that’s true. Why would we mention it?

 **Steve:** Yeah, exactly.

 **Bruce:** Uh… all right, sure. Then we can stick with the plan.

 **Peter:** Well, good, because I wasn’t going to let you back out of it, anyway. Uh, so, you guys were heading upstairs, to where… what’s that guy’s name?

 **Ned:** What guy?

 **Peter:** The guard that Doc charmed, last time.

 **Bruce:** Westley. Dammit.

 **Peter:** Oh, right. [amused] You were heading upstairs to where Westley said that the queen’s chambers are. Uh, and you were both… acting pretty well, in reference to the way in which you were getting there, without attracting attention. Gray was sneaking, I think, and Pentan you were just… acting like you belonged there.

 **Steve:** My stealth check was a natural 20. I’m basically invisible.

 **Peter:** Yeah, right. As you reach the floor that Westley directed you to, however, uh… two guards appear, from down the stretch of hallway that the stairs lead onto. And Gray, you sort of duck back down the stairs before they can see you, but Pentan, because you are just sort of out in the open, they catch sight of you, and one says,

> **Guard 1:** Hey! What’re you doing up here?
> 
> **Pentan:** Oh, good day, sirs! I’m actually supposed to be here, I assure you. I’m the Advisor for Magic’s newest apprentice.

[Ned sighing]

 **Bruce:** Does my performance roll from last time reflect on this?

 **Peter:** Uh -

 **Tony:** I don’t think…

 **Steve:** Why not, though?

 **Peter:** Yeah, I mean, he _is_ pretending that he’s supposed to be here.

 **Steve:** Yeah, and if I didn’t have to reroll my stealth check in order to duck back down the stairs, then he shouldn’t have to reroll to pass this.

 **Peter:** Right. So, we’ll say that the guards exchange a glance, and then the first one turns to you again, and says,

> **Guard 1:** You’re on the wrong floor, then. The advisors have their chambers on lower levels.
> 
> **Pentan:** Oh, uh… I’m supposed to report to either the queen or King Gideon, first.

**Peter:** Mm, no.

 **Bruce:** No?

 **Peter:** No, I’m gonna - that’s gonna be a different roll. Deception, please.

 **Bruce:** [sighing] Fine, all right. [dice rolling] 11?

 **Peter:** The guard got a 15 insight check, which is the counter to deception, so…

 **Bruce:** Shit.

 **Peter:** Yeah, you did not convince him. Uh, he says,

> **Guard 1:** I don’t think that’s true at all. You’re going to have to come with us.
> 
> **Pentan:** No, no, no, wait, wait, wait, I uh… listen. I’d really like to speak with the queen, and so -
> 
> **Guard:** Bud, I’m lawful good. You’re not bribing me.

[Ned wheezing]

 **Bruce:** Not even a little bit?

 **Peter:** [amused] No.

 **Bruce:** Damn. [sighing] All right. Pentan hold his hands out, and hangs his head.

> **Pentan:** Go ahead and cuff me, then, officer. I’m a bad seed.

**Peter:** He says,

> **Guard 1:** Yeah, let’s go.

**Peter:** Uh, Cap? Roll another stealth check, ‘cause these boys are about to come down the stairs that you’re hiding in.

 **Steve:** [dice rolling] Uh - oops.

 **Ned:** Oh, God.

 **Peter:** What was it?

 **Steve:** That is a solid 10!

 **Peter:** Yeah, uh… okay.

 **Tony:** So much for talking to the queen! Prison break! Prison break!

 **Peter:** No, that’s - that’s not gonna happen. Uh, the guard who hasn’t said anything spots you, Gray, as they start down the stairs, and he says,

> **Guard 2:** Another one! It’s like they’re having babies, or something,

**Steve:** Wait, wait! Performance! [dice roll]

 **Peter:** [laughing] What are you performing?

 **Steve:** I don’t know! But I rolled a 16!

 **Ned:** Recovery! It happened!

[Ned, Bruce, and Steve talking at once]

 **Tony:** [quietly] So much is going on right now, holy shit.

 **Peter:** Okay, everyone calm the hell down. Uh, Cap, I can’t let you roll a thing and just say that you passed. You have to tell me what you’re trying to do.

 **Steve:** Well, I _know_ that.

 **Peter:** Okay. [pause] Are you gonna tell me what you’re trying to do?

 **Steve:** As soon as I figure out what that is.

[Ned laughing]

 **Bruce:** I’d appreciate it if whatever it is includes getting me away from these guys.

 **Steve:** Okay. I’ve got it. I stand up straight, like, stepping in their way, and I say,

> **Gray:** What’s up, guys? You need me to take care of this one?

**Steve:** And I’m _performing_ as a castle guard.

[Someone clapping]

 **Bruce:** Genius. Magnificent. Couldn’t have done anything better myself.

 **Steve:** Thank you. Thank you. I’ll accept bouquets and be prepared to give autographs at the stage door at the end of the show.

 **Tony:** [muttering] I hate all of you.

 **Peter:** Uh… yeah, I guess that - I mean, you rolled high enough, so.

 **Steve:** Yes.

 **Peter:** Uh, the guards exchange another glance, and then one of them shoves Pentan towards you, and says,

> **Guard 1:** Go on, then.
> 
> **Gray:** You got it. Let’s go, criminal.
> 
> **Pentan:** I am at your mercy, castle guard who definitely isn’t my friend.

**Steve:** I push him down the stairs ahead of me, but just to the floor below.

 **Peter:** Yeah, the two guards stay where they were on that floor, since that’s kind of their patrol spot.

 **Steve:** Okay, once I’m sure they’re not following us, I say,

> **Gray:** Well, that could’ve gone better.
> 
> **Pentan:** Yeah… I’m not really sure how we’ll be getting there, now, if those two are sticking around.
> 
> **Gray:** Maybe we need to think of a different plan.
> 
> **Pentan:** [sighing] That might be our only choice.
> 
> **Gray:** Should we head back to that abandoned house?
> 
> **Pentan:** Yes. That Charm Person spell will wear off soon, and I don’t want to be in the castle when Westley finds out that I used him.
> 
> **Gray:** Yeah, probably a good idea to leave, then. Let’s go.

**Peter:** Okay, so you guys are heading back to the others.

 **Bruce:** Yep.

 **Peter:** All right. You do that, and I don’t think you come across anybody that asks you questions on your way out, since you’re moving pretty quickly. Uh… and, yeah, you get back to the abandoned house where the others are in kind of record time.

Before that, though, let’s go back in time to where we ended the last session. Uh, Jak, Garrick has just told you that he has some information about Stony, who is still currently succumbed to the effects of the substance that Pentan purchased from the apothecary -

 **Ned:** [interrupting] Just say Troll Dust.

 **Peter:** It’s not Troll Dust; there aren’t any trolls in this universe.

 **Ned:** It’s basically Troll Dust.

[Peter sighing]

 **Ned:** So, Garrick’s about to reveal some shit.

 **Peter:** Yeah.

 **Ned:** Okay. I guess I say,

> **Jak:** What do you mean?
> 
> **Garrick:** I mean… Stony isn’t who you think he is. He isn’t even who _he_ thinks he is, really.
> 
> **Jak:** He’s an annoying, asshole bard. What else is there?

**Tony:** I’m offended that you’ve narrowed down my very complex character to only three words, two of which I resent.

 **Steve:** [scoffing] Oh, please.

 **Peter:** [amused] Uh, Garrick says,

> **Garrick:** Sure, he’s all those things, but…

**Peter:** And he kind of sighs, and glances down at Stony again. And he says,

> **Garrick:** I’m assuming he hasn’t told you much about his family?
> 
> **Jak:** No, not me. He’s kind of secluded when it comes to that sort of thing, actually. From what I’ve figure out, anyway.
> 
> **Garrick:** Yeah. [pause] I guess - well, okay, so, his mother, she… she’s the daughter of one of my father’s advisors. He died, a while ago, when I was a lot younger, still a child, really. Everyone says it was because of a broken heart.
> 
> **Jak:** [amused] What, did his wife run off or something?
> 
> **Garrick:** No, his daughter did. After she was caught having an affair with the king.
> 
> **Jak:** I’m sorry, what?
> 
> **Garrick:** It was a whole fiasco. I don’t remember much of it; I was just a kid, and a young one, but I guess the queen found out, and she threatened Aspen, and so she had to leave the castle, leave the Capital. No one ever really found out where she went after that. Except… except for the Advisor for Knowledge, who’s supposed to know _everything_ that pertains to the kingdom, to the royal family.
> 
> And the advisor found out where Aspen went; she’d joined a troupe of performers, that rarely ever visited the Capital. She married the leader of the troupe, changed her name. Uh… and the advisor also found out that she had a baby, only a few months after she got married, which didn’t really match up, timeline-wise.
> 
> **Jak:** [quietly] Gods.

**Peter:** Garrick gestures to Stony.

> **Garrick:** He’s my bastard half-brother.
> 
> **Jak:** You can’t be serious.
> 
> **Garrick:** I am. I think - I don’t know. I didn’t want any of you going into the castle, because I was worried that my mother might… if she found out that you knew Stony…
> 
> **Jak:** So… neither of you are safe here in the Capital, then.
> 
> **Garrick:** I’m probably safer than he is. My mother has more power than my brother, and she wouldn’t hurt me. [pause] But, if she finds out about him being here, she’s going to be pissed. Pissed enough that I don’t think anyone will be able to talk her down.
> 
> **Jak:** Well, what about your sister? What do you think her not being here means?
> 
> **Garrick:** I don’t - I don’t know.

**Ned:** Mm! DM, I think I’d like to roll insight!

 **Peter:** Yeah, go ahead.

 **Bruce:** [quietly] How the hell did he know to do that?

 **Ned:** Mother fuck, I have a _plus six_ insight. [dice roll] That’s a 21.

 **Peter:** All right. This guy is straight up lying.

 **Ned:** Hell yeah he is.

> **Jak:** Garrick… I think you _do_ know.

**Peter:** He sighs, and shakes his head.

> **Garrick:** I don’t - it’s just a theory. I don’t know if it’s true.
> 
> **Jak:** Well, I just found out that a bard I’ve wanted to punch multiple times is the bastard son of the late king, so… I’m willing to hear anything that might explain what else is going on.
> 
> **Garrick:** [sighing] I - there’s only one reason I can think of, for my brother wanting me dead, and my mother probably wishing that Stony was dead, and… that’s the notion that both myself and Stony have a stronger claim to the throne than Gideon.
> 
> **Jak:** Meaning…?
> 
> **Garrick:** Meaning that… my mother got back at my father by playing his own game.

[Pause]

 **Tony:** Holy shit!

[Steve sighing]

 **Bruce:** [amused] You’re really taking this one to the bank, aren’t you, Peter?

 **Peter:** [laughing] What does that mean?

 **Ned:** I say,

> **Jak:** You think that Gideon isn’t your father’s son.
> 
> **Garrick:** I’m not saying it’s true, but if it is… Stony’s claim to the throne would be stronger than his. So, even if I was out of the picture, which seems to be my brother’s goal… my mother realizes that there’s still someone else who could displace him.
> 
> **Jak:** But only if Stony could prove it, right?
> 
> **Garrick:** Look at the two of us, Watchman, and tell me you don’t see a resemblance. Anyone who knew the king personally would be able to say that Stony looks more like our father than Gideon does!

**Ned:** Is there a resemblance?

 **Peter:** I mean, Garrick’s definitely better looking, but -

 **Tony:** [muttering] Bite me, Spider-Boy.

 **Peter:** [amused] Yeah, there’s a resemblance between the two of them. Same hair color, facial structure. You wouldn’t really notice it, unless you were looking for it, but it’s there.

 **Ned:** [sighing] So, we don’t know if Gideon really isn’t related to the king, then? It’s just a guess?

 **Peter:** Right.

 **Bruce:** Okay! So, next step, probably, would be to prove it.

 **Ned:** Yeah, sure. But how do you suggest we do that?

 **Tony:** Hold on, hold on! Two of you don’t even know any of this, yet.

 **Peter:** Okay, chill out. We’ll say that Gray and Pentan show up, and Garrick sighs, and walks away from you all a few steps.

> **Pentan:** What’s wrong with him?
> 
> **Jak:** Uh… nothing. What’s - what’re you doing back here already?
> 
> **Gray:** There were some problems. We didn’t even really make it up to the right floor. Did we miss anything important here?
> 
> **Jak:** Yeah, actually. Uh… so, you two know Stony?
> 
> **Gray:** Unfortunately, yes.
> 
> **Pentan:** Stop it. Has he moved at all?
> 
> **Jak:** Not really. What was that junk you got him with?
> 
> **Pentan:** Knock Out Dust. No, I don’t know. It’s just supposed to put someone into a deep, dreamless sleep. I guess it works.
> 
> **Jak:** You don’t know how long it lasts?
> 
> **Pentan:** Nah, but it’s got to wear off eventually. Anyway, what about Stony?
> 
> **Jak:** Uh… so… it turns out that… he’s the bastard son of the late king.
> 
> [Pause]
> 
> **Gray:** [amused] No he’s not. Garrick? Garrick, your jokes really do get less and less funny.
> 
> **Garrick:** Yeah - it’s not a joke, Gray. Sorry.

**Peter:** Uh, Garrick explains it all to the two of you, about Stony’s mother, her leaving the Capital, having a baby a few months later. And when he’s finished, he says,

> **Garrick:** So… we’re all sort of in trouble, I think, if my mother finds out that he’s here in the city.

**Bruce:** Uh, Pentan looks between Garrick and Stony for a second, and then he says,

> **Pentan:** There _is_ a resemblance between the two of you.
> 
> **Garrick:** Yeah, well, we share a father, so.
> 
> **Gray:** Well, hang on. Even if he _is_ your father’s bastard, why would your mother still hold a grudge against him? Wouldn’t it be obvious, by now, that he doesn’t know, and isn’t a threat, then?
> 
> **Garrick:** You’d think. Which is why there has to be more to it.
> 
> **Pentan:** Meaning what?
> 
> **Garrick:** I think my brother Gideon might not be my father’s son, that he was my mother’s way at getting back at the king for his affair with Stony’s mother. And if that’s true, it means that Stony has more claim to the throne than he does.
> 
> **Pentan:** Mm… does the old magic in your family belong on your father’s side?
> 
> **Garrick:** Yeah, that was sort of a requirement for rulers, a long time ago.
> 
> **Pentan:** That explains it, then.
> 
> **Jak:** Explains what?
> 
> **Pentan:** The Librarian trying to stop Songbird from finding out he was magical. The queen must have mentioned it to him.
> 
> **Gray:** How would the queen have known Stony would go to the Library in the first place?
> 
> **Pentan:** The prophecy!
> 
> **Jak:** Sorry?
> 
> **Pentan:** Yes! The Librarian also mentioned a prophecy; I imagine that the queen knows about it, and knows about whatever connection Stony has to it, and that he’d eventually figure out he was magical, somehow, so she took whatever precautions she could to avoid it. Obviously, it didn’t work, but -
> 
> **Jak:** Okay, big question, then; why hasn’t he questioned why he knows magic?
> 
> **Pentan:** You don’t think he has? Stony’s closed off, and you know that. Maybe he has been wondering, and just hasn’t mentioned it to any of us. Why would he?

**Peter:** I think, at this point, Stony, you’re starting to stir. And the rest of you notice.

> **Pentan:** Shoot. No one say anything to him about this, not right away. I don’t know what after-effects that dust is going to have on him, but I definitely don’t think telling him he’s the king’s bastard son will help matters.
> 
> **Jak:** Yeah, all right.
> 
> **Gray:** Fine.

**Peter:** Stony, the first thing you see when you wake up is Pentan.

 **Bruce:** He looks concerned.

> **Stony:** Don’t look at me like I just came back from the dead, I’m fine.

**Peter:** You are decidedly not fine. Your head hurts very bad.

 **Tony:** Uh… okay. Retracted, then. Instead, I say,

> **Stony:** [shouting] OUCH. FUCK. What the hell did you shoot at me?

**Ned:** [laughing] You yell when you have a headache?

 **Tony:** That’s my secret: I always have a headache.

 **Bruce:** The sign of a genius, right Tone?

 **Tony:** Yep. He gets it.

 **Peter:** Can you fucking play the game, _geniuses?_

 **Tony & Bruce: **Woah!

 **Steve:** [amused] Language.

[Peter chortling]

 **Tony:** And to think, I thought D &D was making you _less_ of a grandpa.

 **Peter:** Could we play, though? Seriously?

 **Bruce:** [laughing] Yeah, uh - Pentan says,

> **Pentan:** It was something to make it seem like you were having an episode to get you into the castle. Obviously, it didn’t work out, but… I guess the stuff did what it was supposed to do.
> 
> **Stony:** Did _anybody_ get into the castle?
> 
> **Gray:** We did, for maybe 15 minutes. We didn’t actually accomplish anything, though. A pair of guards caught us on the way up.
> 
> **Stony:** So, a waste of time, then.
> 
> **Jak:** Basically.

**Tony:** Uh, I sit up, and kind of sigh, and say,

> **Stony:** New plan.
> 
> **Garrick:** Maybe we just… don’t.
> 
> **Stony:** What are you even talking about? Don’t you want to find out why they suddenly want you dead?
> 
> [Pause]
> 
> **Stony:** Well?
> 
> **Garrick:** You and I need to talk.
> 
> **Stony:** Fuck. Why? What happened while I was asleep?
> 
> **Garrick:** Actually, it’s about something that happened a long time ago.

**Peter:** Garrick looks at the rest of you, and says,

> **Garrick:** Could we have a bit?
> 
> **Jak:** [sighing] Let’s give them a minute, boys.

**Bruce:** Okay, but before we leave the house, Pentan touches Stony’s shoulder and says,

> **Pentan:** This doesn’t change anything.
> 
> **Stony:** Uh… that’s a little ominous, but okay. Thanks, Robes. I guess?
> 
> **Pentan:** Of course.

**Bruce:** And then we go.

 **Peter:** Okay. Uh, once they’re outside, Garrick turns back to you, Stony, and he says,

> **Garrick:** I don’t know how you’re going to react to what I have to tell you, but… I can take a few guesses, and none of them are very good, so.
> 
> **Stony:** You won’t know for sure until you tell me, whatever it is.
> 
> **Garrick:** You’re right. Uh… okay. Your mother was Aspen Ark.
> 
> **Stony:** As far as I know.
> 
> **Garrick:** And your father?
> 
> **Stony:** [snorting] If you want to call him that. He wasn’t really a father to me. I never thought he liked me much, actually.
> 
> **Garrick:** Right. We all have at least one of those parents, I guess. Although… your father might have had a reason.
> 
> **Stony:** A reason to treat me like I didn’t even exist?
> 
> **Garrick:** I know it sounds awful, but… it might have been because he _wasn’t_ your father, and he was resentful because of the fact.
> 
> [Pause]
> 
> **Stony:** You’re suggesting what, then? That I’m a bastard? Who’s?
> 
> **Garrick:** _My_ father’s.
> 
> [Pause]
> 
> **Stony:** [laughs] You can’t be serious! How would that even be possible?
> 
> **Garrick:** I know what it sounds like, but your mother was the daughter of one of the king’s advisors. He had an affair with her - everyone said that she was beautiful, and kind. That’s one thing my mother isn’t, I suppose. The king loved her, and… when the queen found out, your mother had to leave the castle, the Capital.
> 
> We learned later on that she’d joined a troupe, and married the leader of it. That she’d had a baby. The problem was that the baby had come just a few months earlier than it should have, if we were looking at when she’d joined the troupe. So…
> 
> **Stony:** You think my mother had an affair with the king of Adren, and had a baby as a result of that. And that that baby was me?
> 
> **Garrick:** I don’t think it, I know it. Very few people do. The only reason I know is because my mother told me, said that you were a threat to the throne, if I decided to leave.
> 
> **Stony:** Why would I be? Your younger brother - [pause] Oh…
> 
> **Garrick:** You’ve reached the same conclusion that I have, then.
> 
> **Stony:** Your mother would have been that resentful?
> 
> **Garrick:** I think so. If she ever told the king, I don’t know. I imagine not, since he would’ve done everything in his power to ensure that Gideon didn’t take the throne. Perhaps that was my mother’s intention all along, however, to get a child that she could control in power, which is something she’s successfully done.
> 
> **Stony:** Do you think, then, it was your mother’s intention that you die?
> 
> **Garrick:** No, I’m almost positive that was Gideon’s doing, now. However, the fight you had with the Librarian… I believe _that_ was my mother’s doing. Do you know if there was magic in your mother’s family? Or the man you thought was your father’s?
> 
> **Stony:** No, there wasn’t, which was why I always assumed I wasn’t magical, either. [pause] There’s magic in the royal bloodline, though.
> 
> **Garrick:** It was once a requirement to rule Adren.

**Peter:** Garrick lifts his hand, and snaps his fingers. A small flame appears in the palm of his hand. And he says,

> **Garrick:** I never really got into it, but it is something I’m capable of.
> 
> **Stony:** [quietly] Hell.
> 
> **Garrick:** I realize that this is a lot to take in. Everything I’m sure you thought you knew is wrong, but -
> 
> **Stony:** No. I knew that my mother did not grow up in a troupe, that she had come from an upper class family. However, she’d always told me that my father and his troupe had performed, once, at her family’s home, and she’d been smitten with him enough to leave that life behind to be with him. I guess she was just a natural actress.
> 
> **Garrick:** [amused] Sounds like it. I’m sorry you had to learn this way.
> 
> **Stony:** Well.
> 
> **Garrick:** If it makes you feel any better, I’m sure our father would have liked you more. He genuinely loved Aspen. Marrying my mother, having children with her, was merely a requirement.
> 
> **Stony:** Oddly, that makes me feel worse. It’s because of my mother that your family was dysfunctional. If she hadn’t been around, perhaps your parents could’ve been happy.
> 
> **Garrick:** No, I doubt it. My mother is a cold woman. I do believe that she loves her children, however. She just… may love Gideon more than our sister and I.
> 
> **Stony:** I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t end up in the castle, then.
> 
> **Garrick:** I’d say so. We never would have seen you again. You’d probably be getting cremated right now, actually.
> 
> **Stony:** Mm. That’s fun to think about.

**Peter:** He laughs, and then gestures towards the door.

> **Garrick:** Should we invite the others back in, so we can discuss our next move?
> 
> **Stony:** I guess so. But, wait!

**Peter:** He pauses, just about to open the door, and looks back at you.

> **Stony:** Does this mean I get to order them around?
> 
> **Garrick:** I don’t think so, since neither of us are necessarily in line for the throne, currently.
> 
> **Stony:** [disappointed] Damn.

**Peter:** [amused] Uh, he opens the door, and motions that the rest of you can come back inside.

 **Tony:** [singing] _We’re the princes of the universe…_

 **Ned:** Oh, jeez, you’re not even planning on taking the throne if that’s ever an option!

 **Tony:** The song is on brand!

 **Steve:** What song?

 **Tony:** [ _Princes of the Universe_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEJ8lpCQbyw) _,_ by [ Queen](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queen_\(band\)).

 **Bruce: “** Of the universe” is a bit of a stretch, but the rest of it seems on brand, definitely.

 **Ned:**  Also! Let me just say...  _very_ good roleplaying just now, gentlemen. 

 **Tony:** Hey, thanks! Could I make a career out of voice acting? Because the amount of Iron Man toys all over the place that have someone else saying things is very disturbing. 

 **Steve:** Mm. I wouldn't say you should quit your day job, no. 

 **Bruce:** But still. Very good. 

 **Steve:** Yes, it was. 

[Peter sighing]

 **Tony:** What’s that about?

 **Peter:** I just - I had a fight planned for this session, but everything else took a lot longer than I thought it would, so if I put the encounter in this session, we’d be sitting here for at least another half-hour, and I… can’t do that? So -

 **Tony:** Excuse? You have… _other plans?_ That are more important than our D&D campaign? Mr. Parker, I am absolutely astonished.

 **Ned:** [sarcastically] Yeah, jeez, you’d think it was his girlfriend’s birthday or something, and he made reservations for them to have dinner, even though he was originally absolutely against them doing anything, because she was against it.

 **Peter:** All right, listen, you ass-hats -

 **Bruce:** [interrupting] I am _not_ an ass-hat.

 **Peter:** I wasn’t talking to you.

 **Steve:** [thoughtfully] You’d think if whatever plans he has for this evening were that important, he wouldn’t be wasting more time sitting here and trying to defend his actions to us, and would be on his way out the door.

 **Peter:** All right, all right. Screw you guys. Bye.

 **Tony:** [quietly] He’s a good kid.

 **Bruce:** Yeah, he is. So are you, Ned.

 **Ned:** [amused] Thanks, Doctor Banner.

~ END OF TRANSMISSION - LOGGED MARCH 15th ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everybody, it's ScribbleWiggy, your author, your technical DM, and your aspiring YouTube star who is very furiously trying to come up with a video idea.  
> Thank you all for reading this excessively long chapter. Obviously, I didn't split this session into two seperate parts, mostly because it was only 5,000 words and then some, and I couldn't... find a spot to split it that made two parts even enough, so... take the whole session! Happy birthday.  
> Also, I wrote the theme song found near the start of the session myself, with the help of a very good friend who's, like, an actual, honest-to-God music boy. I just pretend I'm a music boy for the sake of my silly DnD fic. It's linked to my actual YouTube account, so like... check out those videos, too? One of them is MCU based, just like this fic, so if you like the fic, you'll probably like the video?? I don't know, check it out or don't it's up to you.  
> All right, this A/N is way too long at this point, so I'm gonna cut it off here. See you next time!


	38. What A Night!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jersey Boys off-Broadway. Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody, it's ScribbleWiggy, your author, your technical DM, and your flight attendant for this trip to, uh, one-shot land. Please keep your arms inside the plane at all times. I should not have to tell you to do that, but... accidents happen.  
> Thank you so much for reading, for sticking around. Some of you might have noticed that there is a set chapter count for this adventure, now, which I figured out late _late _last night, after divvying up chapters into different parts. The last session is a _long _one; absolutely nobody is ready for it.__  
>  I hope everyone checked out the official 'It Gets Worse!' theme song that was included in the last chapter. Even though it says that Cheri wrote it, it was actually me, and it was... probably one of the most overwhelmingly underwhelming things I've ever done, and I've... not done much in my life, so you know I mean that.  
> All right, that's enough from me. Let's get off this plane that for some reason allows the people flying on it to stick their arms out the windows. It can't be safe.__

** March 17th **

Tony checked the watch that he wore around his wrist for a third time, making sure that it was, indeed seven o’clock. He then glanced up at the apartment building that he was parked in front of, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel of the latest sports car that he’d purchased. He definitely didn’t need it, but hey, he had to keep up a public appearance somehow, right? 

He checked his watch again, and then fiddled with the button on his sleeve. If he didn’t know better, he would say that he was nervous. Not that he had any reason to be nervous. Why would he be? Because he’d decided that if Peter wasn’t going to accept the second ticket to the show, then he’d have to take it for himself, even though that was really weird? 

And it was weird because he’d only met Cheri twice now, and the second time had been for maybe three minutes when she came by the Compound for Peter? Yeah, okay, maybe he could consent to it being a little weird. But what was weird was Peter being the literal worst, and deciding not to go with Cheri to see a musical based on her favorite band. Tony didn’t know if it was an attack against him, personally, or if he and Cheri were fighting. 

Actually… maybe he did know the answer to that, considering Peter had taken Cheri to dinner literally two days ago. 

Yeah, definitely an attack against him. 

He looked at the apartment building again, and frowned. It was a nice place, one of the ones that didn’t have a set of front stairs leading up to a door with a callbox on the wall to summon different apartments. Obviously, Isabel Schultz made quite a bit of money, working with Oscorp. He wondered what it was she did there. 

After a few more seconds, he sighed, and reached for his cell phone. He sent a text to Peter, asking him to tell Cheri that he was parked outside and waiting for her. He supposed it was possible that she’d thought he’d just canceled everything, considering that Peter was being a little shit, and what reason was there for her to think that she’d still get two tickets to _Jersey Boys,_ other than the fact that he’d told Peter to tell her that Tony would go with her. Maybe Peter hadn’t done that, out of spite. 

Peter didn’t respond to his text message, and Tony decided that if Cheri didn’t come outside in the next five minutes, he’d just leave. After all, the tickets had only cost him maybe two hundred bucks; it wasn’t a big deal. Although, he thought that Cheri might be disappointed that she wouldn’t get to go see the show. If she already thought that she wouldn’t be seeing it, however, and that was the reason why she was not outside, then he had no reason to feel bad, right? _Peter_ should be the one to feel bad. 

He almost picked up his phone again, to send this very explanation off to the kid. Before he could, however, light came from somewhere beneath the awning of the building that announced the name of the apartment complex, and Cheri actually emerged from the shadows there. For half a second, Tony debated with himself, and then he hopped out of the driver’s seat and jogged around to the other side of the car, to open the passenger’s side door for her. 

 _“Mademoiselle,”_ he greeted, offering her a smile. _“Bonsoir. Comment allez-vous?”_

 _“Bien,”_ Cheri replied, easily, and Tony’s smile widened. She returned the grin. “I’m still a little confused as to why you offered to take me.” 

“Well, I wasn’t going to let you go see _Jersey Boys_ alone because your boyfriend hates that I could afford two tickets, and thus is boycotting the entire event.”

Cheri sighed. “I know,” she said. “He can be a bit dramatic. I’m not sure where he gets it from.”

“Might have been an adopted trait,” Tony said, and Cheri smiled again. He tilted his head towards the car. “Hop in.”

Cheri examined the car for a moment, looking apprehensive. “You actually let people sit in this?” she asked, and Tony laughed. 

“Special cases only,” he said, winking, and Cheri shook her head, but slid into the passenger’s seat. Tony closed the door, and moved around the front of the car to get behind the wheel again. He shut his own door, and started the engine back up. 

“Whoa, wait,” Cheri said from beside him, and he glanced at her. She had her hands braced on the dashboard, her eyes wide. “Suddenly I get it.”

“What, the obsession some people have with cars?” Tony asked, and she nodded. “Yeah, sometimes a single ride is all it takes.” 

“I drive a Honda from 2014,” she said, quietly, and Tony laughed again. He revved the engine, and then pulled away from the curb onto the street, completely ignoring the blare of a horn that sounded from behind him. Cheri glanced over her shoulder, and lifted an apologetic hand, before she faced forward and settled into the seat. The top was down, and her hair, which had been pulled back, whipped around her face nonetheless. 

“Y’know,” she said, pulling a few strands out of her mouth as they pulled up at a light, “Pete told me that this was your idea.”

“Because it was,” Tony confirmed. 

“Why did you decide to do this, though? I mean, we’ve met maybe twice? Like, you literally had no reason to get me a present at all, let alone one like this,” she said. “So… why? What’s your motive?”

“You think I have a motive,” Tony said, amused. 

“Well, yeah. I can’t see any other reason you’d decide to do this.”

“Other than the fact that you’ve made Peter’s life considerably better since you entered it?” Tony asked, glancing at her as the light turned green again and the car moved forward through it. Cheri frowned at him. “I mean, maybe this is an extreme way of saying thank you, but… that’s really what this is. A thank you. Also, uh, you turned 20 two days ago, and like, I know that can be a let down, considering you still have a year before you can do anything fun. Legally.” 

“Mr. Stark,” Cheri said, her voice raised in such a way that made her sound like she was shocked he’d even said such a thing. “Who do you think I am?” 

He raised an eyebrow. “You’re dramatic, too. Where does it come from with you?” 

Cheri shook her head, leaning it back against the headrest. “No idea. My mother hates it.” 

“Mm, that’s telling.”

Cheri turned her gaze the other direction. “She didn’t want me to accept the tickets,” she said, quietly. “And I have no idea why. She said something about not taking charity, and I tried to explain to her that it isn’t charity, it’s a birthday present, but… she wouldn’t listen.”

“I was wondering why you didn’t suggest bringing her instead,” Tony commented. “I guess I know, now.”

Cheri snorted humorlessly. “She’s been a lot more strict since I started dating Peter. I thought that at first it was just because I was in an actual relationship with someone, and she didn’t know how to react to that. But… I don’t know. That conclusion is making less and less sense, since she’s kind of gotten worse? Even though more time has passed?” 

“I can see where that’s confusing,” Tony said, and Cheri blinked a few times, glancing sideways at him. 

“Yikes,” she said, straightening up a bit. “I don’t know why I just starting spewing my problems with my mom at you. Sorry.” 

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Tony said. “Seriously. I think I signed the ‘solving problems that aren’t your own’ card when I told the whole world I was Iron Man.” 

“Yeah, but how much of that is helping grown-ass people with their parental issues?” 

“Well, in one case, I kind of became a parental issue, so.” 

Cheri looked over at him again. “Peter does love you.”

“Yeah,” Tony said after a moment of silence. 

Cheri considered him for a second longer, before she turned her head forward again, and examined the street lights reflecting off of the asphalt instead. 

Tony exhaled, softly enough that he hoped Cheri didn’t hear, and then he reached over and turned the radio on, just to drown out the silence that had fallen. Thankfully, a good song was playing, and so he didn’t have to worry about fiddling with the stations, and could focus once more on the road. 

Cheri had tilted her head to the side, and shut her eyes, so that she could focus more of her sensory attention on her hearing. She listened to the vocalist, the bass line, the drum line, and the lead guitar, picking out each different note and filing them away in her head. It was something she always did, when she heard a song that she’d never heard before, so that she’d be able to recognize it later on, if needed. 

“What is this?” she finally asked, and Tony looked over at her in surprise. 

“Queen?” he said. 

“Well, duh,” Cheri mumbled, sitting up straight, her eyes still closed. “I mean, what’s the song called?”

 _“Now I’m Here,”_ Tony replied, more than a little confused. “What are you doing?”

“Listening,” Cheri said, and then she put a finger to her lips. “You should do it, too.”

Tony frowned, but did not say anything else, and instead focused on the music. After a moment, he shook his head, and glanced at her again. Cheri’s head was still tilted, her eyes still closed. If he had to give it a name, Tony would say she looked connected to the song, in some way, which seemed ridiculous, considering she hadn’t even known what song it was. 

Eventually, the song came to an end, and her eyes opened again, slowly. She exhaled a breath of air, and leaned back in the seat once more. It was almost like nothing had happened. 

“Uh, what was that?” Tony asked after a moment had passed, and Cheri looked over at him. 

“I was filing the song away for later reference,” she told him. “Peter’s mentioned that I’m a music major, hasn’t he?”

“Uh, no, he hasn’t,” Tony said. “Just that you wrote the very out-of-place theme song for the D&D campaign. Can you play any instruments?” Cheri blew a raspberry, and Tony grinned. “Does that translate to ‘every instrument under the sun, duh’?”

“Mm, not every instrument. I’m really bad at woodwinds, like, clarinets and stuff? Not my thing. Really, I’m mostly a pianist. And a singer.” She paused. “Not that I like to perform. I write.”

“Ah. Still cool.”

The corner of Cheri’s mouth lifted. “Thanks.”

The rest of the drive to the theater was relatively quiet, although it was not uncomfortable. In fact, Tony felt considerably more comfortable than he had prior to Cheri coming out of her apartment building, and he was actually a little surprised by the fact. Not that he should have been; obviously, Cheri was good people, if Peter had chosen to lip sync a Four Seasons song to her, fully knowing that he was risking the performance being revealed to everyone in the Compound. 

Yeah, Cheri was good people. She had to be. Tony could tell, just by sitting next to her in the car. 

Eventually, they reached the theater, with about fifteen minutes left to go before the show started. Tony pulled into a space outside the building that probably wasn’t a parking spot, and he turned the car off. Cheri was staring at the theater, and Tony heard her inhale a breath. 

“What?” he asked, and she looked sideways at him. 

“Nothing, just - I’m hoping that this doesn’t ruin the band for me,” she told him. “The movie wasn’t so good, so I’m just mentally preparing myself for something similar.” She paused, and then her eyes went wide, and she turned an apologetic look towards him. “Not that that means I’m ungrateful for the tickets! I really, really appreciate them, Mr. Stark. Just -”

“Hey, slow down,” Tony advised. “You’d think that the two hundred dollars they cost me completely broke the bank, or something.” 

Cheri let out a disbelieving laugh, and looked at the theater again. “They’d break mine,” she said, quietly. She then cleared her throat, and started to open the car door. 

“Hey, hang on a sec,” Tony said, and she paused, looking over at him. “How would you feel if we did something different?” 

Cheri furrowed her brow. “But… the tickets -”

“Aren’t a big deal,” Tony told her. “Seriously. I want to thank you for… well, loving Peter. Which means that if you don’t want to see this show ‘cause you’re worried it’ll suck, then we don’t have to see the show. We can do something else.”

Cheri gazed at him for a second. Tony waited, pretty sure he knew what her decision was going to be. 

So, she surprised him when she pulled the door shut again, refastened her seat belt, and said, “You got an AUX cord?”

Tony merely grinned in response, and passed it to her.

* * *

 

A half hour later found the two of them seated on the hood of the car, each holding an ice cream of choice from Dairy Queen. Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons sang _December, 1963_ through the speakers, courtesy of Cheri’s phone. 

Tony pointed out a grouping of stars. “Camel.”

“Are you joking?” Cheri asked him. “That’s definitely a stegosaurus.”

“What?” Tony demanded. “There is a single hump in those stars, Cheryl. One.” 

Cheri shook her head, and took a bite of her butterscotch Dilly Bar. “People must grow deluded in their old age,” she commented around a mouthful of ice cream. 

Tony flicked a bit of his Oreo Blizzard off of his spoon at her in response. Cheri squawked as it landed in her hair. Tony burst into laughter, and kept laughing even as she turned a death glare in his direction. 

“Why?” she asked, and he laughed harder. Cheri huffed, and shook her head. The ice cream flew free from the dark brown curls. She then returned her gaze to the sky, and smirked to herself, pointing upwards towards a new set of stars. “Spider.”

“Mm, guess that’s where your head’s at,” Tony teased. Behind them, the song changed to _Sherry,_ and they both got a good laugh out of that. 

“Did you know he was going to do that?” she asked, and Tony shook his head. “But you’ve seen it, right?”

“Oh, I’ve seen it,” Tony said. “I watch it every morning to help wake myself up.” 

Cheri smiled to herself, finishing off the last bit of her Dilly Bar. She then leaned back on her hands, and focused her full attention on the sky. 

“Y’know,” she began after a moment, and Tony looked up from his own ice cream. “You keep saying that you wanted to repay me for being in Peter’s life, but… I don’t know. I feel like I should repay you.” 

Tony started to argue, and Cheri looked at him. “I’m serious,” she said, and he fell silent again. “He’s - I don’t know. I feel like he could be someone completely different, and that he’s the way he is now because of you. At least a little bit.” She shrugged, slightly. “I guess I just appreciate that you helped Peter become who he is, because I love him. A lot.”

Tony didn’t know what to say to that in regards to himself, so he decided to speak for Peter instead. “And he loves you a lot.”

Cheri chuckled. “I’d hope so. Hate to learn that I was wasting my time.”

“Cheryl Elizabeth Schultz, how dare you insinuate that my Resident Child Figure could _ever_ be a waste of time?” Tony demanded, and Cheri laughed again. 

“Saying a full name doesn’t really have the same effect when one of the names is incorrect, you know,” she told him, and Tony looked at her. 

“Okay, what’s your actual middle name, then? For future reference.”

Cheri sat up. “Maria,” she said, and then she slid off of the hood of the car, and moved around it to grab her phone, in order to change the song. 


	39. Chapter 3 - Session 5 - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a random encounter, and It Gets Worse!

~ START OF TRANSMISSION - AVENGERS COMPOUND - MARCH 31st ~

**Peter:** Yikes dot net, it’s been a minute. Hi, everyone, first of all. 

**Ned:** Oh, we don’t get a weird prologue with a theme song at the end of it this time? We’re not copying  [ The Adventure Zone ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Adventure_Zone) after all? 

**Peter:** First, we were never copying The Adventure Zone. Second, uh, that was mostly for dramatic effect, anyway, and we don’t really need that this time around. 

**Tony:** How offended Cheri will be, to know that you only used her music one time. 

**Peter:** Well, who knows. I might end up using it again, at some point. When it suits the mood. The mood this time around is not dramatic. But uh - it is going to start with a fight. 

[Someone making noises of annoyance]

**Peter:** [amused] What, what? We haven’t had a fight this entire chapter, and we’re, like, halfway through! Once upon a time, at least one of you would have been complaining about there not having been a fight. 

**Tony:** That was before my eyes were opened to the possibilities of storytelling. I was young and stupid in the beginning days of ‘It Gets Worse!’, and I regret my words from back then. 

**Ned:** Suddenly we’re in a period drama. Does anyone have a spare ascot that I could wear? Or a waistcoat? 

**Peter:** Anyway… 

**Steve:** What’s a period drama? 

**Bruce:** It’s like a TV show or a movie that takes place during the 1800s. 

**Steve:** Oh. [pause] That’s entertaining? 

**Bruce:** To some people. Natasha particularly likes one called  [ _ North and South _ ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/North_%26_South_\(TV_serial\)) _. _ Personally, I don’t get it. 

**Tony:** _ North and South? _ That shit was four episodes, and it came out when Ned and Peter were still in diapers! 

**Bruce:** I know. Like I said - I don’t get it. 

**Peter:** Uh… D&D? Please? 

**Ned:** Yeah, seriously. I’m sorry I brought it up in the first place. 

**Peter:** So, the five of you decide that there’s really nothing left for you to do in the Capital, as the sun’s starting to go down. You head back to the Legionnaires’ camp, to settle in for the night, since Garrick had told you that no one would have set up your tent and cots for you, while you were gone. 

But on the way back…

**Steve:** Another forest fight, Peter? 

**Peter:** Well, listen, you have to get fight experience somehow this chapter, or would you all prefer that you don’t get to level up later on? 

[Pause]

**Peter:** Yeah, that’s what I thought. You’re all walking through the forest to get to the camp, which is, I’m gonna say, five miles away from the city, when… [amused] your DM asks you all to roll perception checks. 

[Numerous die rolling] 

**Ned:** Ooh, that’s a big ol’ six, my brother! 

**Steve:** Hey, a six from me, too! 

**Tony:** I only got a one. 

[Ned wheezing]

**Peter:** Uh, Doc? Can you recover, or do I have to have Garrick roll and do this for you all? 

**Bruce:** [clicking tongue] I got an 11? 

[Peter sighing; dice roll]

**Ned:** What’s the point of having an overpowered NPC in our squad if he doesn’t save our butts at least once a session? 

**Peter:** Yeah, he saved your butts, all right. Garrick rolled a 20. So… he stops walking, and looks sideways, into the trees there, and he makes a face. 

**Steve:** I glance over at him, and say, 

> **Gray:** What is it? 

**Peter:** He doesn’t reply at first, but after a second, his eyes sort of get wide, and he takes a step backwards. 

> **Garrick:** I think we’ve got a spider infestation. 

[Someone choking]

**Peter:** Uh-oh! Who’s dying? 

**Bruce:** [coughing] I’m okay, just - I was drinking water, and you said  _ spider infestation. _ You’re the spider guy! 

**Peter:** [amused] Yeah, okay. I can see how that’s funny. I’m sorry, Doc. 

**Bruce:** It’s okay. I’m fine. [coughing] [quietly] It went up my nose. 

[Steve laughing] 

**Peter:** Uh - Jesus, I can’t describe anything today, can I? From the trees, you all spot three dark shapes that sort of resemble shadows, coming out onto the road. These shadows do have eight legs, and as they actually come into the fading sunlight that touches the road, they take on more solid shapes, and you see that these are spiders, although they are… large, and they are pure black. 

Uh, Pentan, you actually recognize these spiders for what they are; you learned about them at the Academy. These are phase spiders, and they are known to be able to teleport into the ethereal plane on a whim, where they can move freely, and then appear somewhere else on the physical plane.

And the five of you have three of them standing before you. Let’s roll initiative. 

**Ned:** Odd that three phase spiders are just hanging around. Almost like they were waiting to attack us. 

**Peter:** Bite me. Initiatives, please.

**Ned:** [sighing, dice roll] Oh, dunk! That’s a natural 20, plus four! 

**Bruce:** 20 from me. 

**Steve:** [sighing] That’s an eight. 

**Tony:** I got a 12. 

**Peter:** What’s your modifier, Mr. Stark? 

**Tony:** Plus two. 

**Peter:** Okay, then you’ll go ahead of the spider who also got a 12. Uh… yeah, Jak, you’re up first. With your natural 20, I guess, yeesh. 

**Ned:** Okay, cool. Uh… let me consider my options, here. How close are they to us? 

**Peter:** They’re about 10 feet away. 

**Ned:** Cool, cool. [contemplative noises] All right, here’s the plan. I’m gonna cast Compelled Duel on one of these boys. 

**Peter:** Okay, what’s that do? 

**Ned:** Basically, they aren’t allowed to move away from within 30 feet of me, and they have disadvantage on attacks on creatures aside from me. Uh… to avoid this, it’s gotta pass a wisdom saving throw. 

**Peter:** Okay, cool. Which one are you casting it on? 

**Ned:** The one closest to me. 

**Peter:** Got it. [dice roll] Uhm, that’s a 10, which I’m guessing doesn’t beat your DC? 

**Ned:** Does not. 

**Peter:** All right. So, this spider can’t move away from Jak farther than 30 feet, which means that… it can’t phase into a different plane. Go Jak for doing something smart. Uh, next up is Pentan. 

**Bruce:** Excellent. Do I know of any weaknesses that these spiders possess? 

**Peter:** Uh, no, because they don’t have any. 

**Bruce:** But they aren’t impermeable to anything, either? 

**Peter:** No. It’s a spider that can hop between planes of existence. 

**Bruce:** All right. So anything goes. Which means…  _ ooh. _

**Tony:** That’s an interesting sound. What have you realized? 

**Bruce:** Just that I have quite a few third level spell slots, now, which means I’m going to cast Fireball. 

**Peter:** Sounds dangerous.

**Bruce:** Oh, it is. Ahem, allow me to inform you: “ A bright streak flashes from your pointing finger to a point you choose within range and then blossoms with a low roar into an explosion of flame. Each creature in a 20 foot radius sphere centered on that point must make a dexterity saving throw. A target takes 8d6 fire damage on a failed save, or half as much damage on a successful one.”

**Peter:** Wow, that sounds pretty good. Uh… so, I’m assuming you’re going to aim this behind the spiders, then, so that your party doesn’t get caught in the blast? 

**Bruce:** Uh… yes. 

**Peter:** Got it. I’ll roll three dex saves, then. [dice roll] Uh, a 20, a 16, and an 11, so…

**Bruce:** No fear. I’m doing  _ 8d6 _ damage. [dice roll] That’s 34, gentlemen. I think it’s safe to say - 

**Peter:** [distantly, but clearly yelling] What the  _ fuck, _ Doc?

**Bruce:** Mmhm. Save your applause. I’m a level six now, fucklechucks. 

[Tony chortling; Ned wheezing] 

**Peter:** Okay… uh… yeah, you straight up disintegrate the one that rolled an 11. But the other two only take half that, which means… they’re still doing okay. Next up is actually one of the spiders, and it is going to attack the person closest to him, which happens to be Gray. [dice roll] That’s a 19? 

**Steve:** Yeah, that hits. Even with my new AC. 

**Peter:** ‘kay. [dice roll] Uh, you take 17 damage as this thing lunges forward and bites you, and then immediately disappears. 

[Steve whistling] 

**Tony:** That’s so much damage. 

**Steve:** I can take it. 

**Tony:** Sure, but that doesn’t mean I can! 

**Peter:** Next up is… oh, Stony! 

**Tony:** Hah. I take half my action to move as far away as I can using half an action. 

**Peter:** [amused] All right. 

**Tony:** And then I want to cast…  _ ooh! _ I  _ also  _ have quite a few third level spells! But… I’m not going to cast one, because all the third level spells I know suck. So I’m just going to cast Shatter. 

**Peter:** All right. What’s the saving throw for that again? 

**Tony:** Constitution. 

**Peter:** Got it. [dice roll] Oh, uh-oh. 

**Tony:** [pleased] Yes? 

**Peter:** Uhm… neither passed. They rolled a two and a five. 

**Tony:** _ Fantastic. _ [dice roll] [disappointed] Oh. 

**Peter:** Yes? 

**Tony:** I uh… I only dealt seven damage. 

[Ned and Peter laughing]

**Tony:** Not as cool as Bruce, I guess, but - y’know. 

**Bruce:** Uh, Pentan smiles at Stony, and says, 

> **Pentan:** Don’t worry, sweetie, you’ll be as awesome as me someday, with more practice. 

**Peter:** [sniffling] Wow… I don’t remember D&D being this fun. Uh… okay, Cap, you’re up. 

**Steve:** [sighs] Uh… I guess I’m just going to try and hit one of these things with my sword…? 

**Peter:** Yeah, sure. Which one? 

**Steve:** I guess - did the one that disappeared come back? 

**Peter:** Yeah, after Stony’s attack, it showed up again, a few feet to the left of where it was. 

**Steve:** Okay, then I’m gonna deal it the damage that it dealt me. [dice roll] Damn it. That’s only a 12. 

**Peter:** Plus two. 

**Steve:** Plus - plus two? Why? 

**Peter:** Uh… you remember that magic that Stony cast, when you were fighting the cricket monsters? 

**Steve:** Yes. 

**Peter:** It never went away, I guess. You’ll always have a plus two on attacks, from now on, on top of whatever you already have. 

**Steve:** Wow. Uh… okay, that… that puts me at 20 for my strength - 

**Peter:** Mm, this has nothing to do with that. 

**Steve:** It doesn’t. 

**Peter:** Nope. Just… you’ll always add two extra on top of your normal modifier whenever you roll an attack, without changing your score. It’s a weapon bonus.

**Steve:** Okay. Sure. 

**Peter:** You hit this thing. 

**Steve:** Great. [dice roll] 10 damage. 

**Peter:** You kill it. 

**Steve:** Oh, good. 

**Tony:** [distantly] You’re welcome! 

**Steve:** Yeah, uh, thanks, I guess. I don’t really know what’s going on. 

**Peter:** You’re right, you don’t. 

**Steve:** Okay. We’ll just… leave it at that, then, I guess. 

**Peter:** For now. 

**Steve:** Sure, for now. 

**Peter:** Uh… it’s Garrick’s turn, now - maybe I _could’ve_ given you guys those gorgons I was originally going to have you fight. Or at least more of these spiders. 

**Tony:** Eh. 

**Peter:** Uh, Garrick walks over to the spider that Jak enchanted, which is the only one left, and he kind of eyes it for a second, snorts, and walks away. 

[Bruce laughing]

**Ned:** [amused] Without attacking it? 

**Peter:** Hey, it’s one spider, and it has eight hit points left. I think someone else can handle it. Uh, before that, though, it’s going to attack you, Jak. [dice roll] Shit, that’s a 10. 

**Ned:** Hah, not good enough. 

**Peter:** Yeah, all right. Go ahead and pound this thing into the ground, then. 

**Ned:** A-yup. Gladly. [dice roll] [shouting] Oh my God! That’s a  _ natural 20 plus eight. _

**Peter:** What the  _ fuck, _ Edward? 

**Bruce:** Are you serious? 

**Ned:** Yes! Holy  _ shit. _

**Peter:** Okay, fine! Jesus. The thing’s fucking dead. They’re all dead. You wrecked their shit. The end. [sighing] That’s the last time I use a random encounter generator. 

**Tony:** Great. Now that that nonsense is out of the way, could Garrick and I have some bonding time as brothers? 

**Steve:** Yeah, and I’d like to try and talk to Violet, somehow, try to make her less mad at me? 

**Ned:** Side quests abound! 

**Peter:** Yeah, I mean… you all do have, like, three days until Friday, when Stony’s performance is, but… are you not going to try and resolve Garrick’s problem? 

**Bruce:** Eh. 

**Tony:** If trying to figure it out means that I might end up dead, I don’t know if I really want to do that, y’know? 

**Steve:** And I feel like, as long as Garrick doesn’t actively do anything else to let people know of his existence, maybe his brother will leave him alone. 

**Peter:** Do none of you care that a person who might have no blood relation to the Whitlock family line is sitting on the throne? 

[Mixed noises of general uncaring] 

**Peter:** [sighing] Guys, this is a major part of this campaign. It’s important that you do care, at least a little. 

**Ned:** But the point is, we don’t  _ know _ if he’s not a Whitlock. It’s just an assumption. 

**Tony:** An assumption that an NPC run by the creator of the campaign came up with, but. 

**Steve:** It just isn’t something that we can deal with right now, in our current position. We have other things to think about. 

**Peter:** I mean - not - 

**Bruce:** This is translated to “We’re only level sixes, and dealing with the king and his mother seem like something that is better suited to maybe level 10s, or level 12s, even.”

**Ned:** Yeah, that sounds about right. 

**Peter:** [sighing] You all make me… so tired. 

**Tony:** Oh,  _ man, _ a nap does sound good right about now. 

**Steve:** [amused] Yeah, it’s hard work, fighting against three spiders that we managed to kill in a single round of combat. 

**Bruce:** Very hard work. 

**Ned:** Draining. 

**Peter:** Okay, how about I cancel the campaign completely? Maybe that would work out best for everyone, since I’m obviously tiring you all out. 

**Bruce:** Aw, c’mon, Peter, we’re only kidding. You know how much we all enjoy this, and appreciate you for DMing it. 

**Peter:** You shouldn’t. I’m such a bad DM. 

**Ned:** No, you’re not! You just don’t have as much experience with it - you’ve gotten better over time.

**Peter:** It doesn’t feel like it. But, whatever, this isn’t supposed to be a ‘Peter thinks he’s a bad DM’ pity party. If you all want to fuck off and do side quests for a session, then that’s what we’ll do. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody, it's ScribbleWiggy, your author, your technical DM, and your twenty-year-old who is reliving her childhood by watching 'Drake and Josh' online. They really need to get this show on Netflix.   
> I hope everyone enjoyed 'Oh, What A Night'. Kind of cool to get to know Cheri a little bit better, right? Maybe?   
> Eh.   
> There's supposed to be a FanFic author writing strike going on during the month of July, but I don't really know if I plan on participating. At this point, I'm posting for myself, and I already finished the dang thing, so might as well keep going with it.   
> At any rate, see you in part two of session 5, whenever that goes up. I have absolutely no schedule.   
> Adios!


	40. Chapter 3 - Session 5 - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story continues, and It Gets Worse!

**Peter:** Mr. Stark, you want to bond with Garrick, you said? 

**Tony:** I dunno, maybe just a little, since we’re half-brothers and everything. 

**Peter:** Okay, fine. How do you want to do that? 

**Tony:** I think maybe I just ask him some questions about what growing up in the castle was like, and just… I don’t know. Ask about our sister, maybe. I’ve never had a sibling, I don’t know how it works. 

**Peter:** To be fair, me either, so…

**Ned:** I sort of know how it works, except I have a sister, not a brother, so really, I can’t help you out. 

**Bruce:** Me, either. 

**Steve:** As a player who has an in-game sibling, I can say that Peter makes it kind of easy to feel some sort of attachment. 

**Peter:** Because of my great roleplaying skills, or something else? 

**Ned:** Who cares, as long as it’s there. 

**Peter:** I guess. 

**Tony:** Yeah, our job isn’t to make you feel better! 

**Peter:** All right, all right. Everyone calm down. So, uh… Cap? About  _ your _ in-game sibling…

**Steve:** I don’t imagine she’s going to show up and let me apologize? Not that I have anything to apologize for. 

**Peter:** How very in-character of you. 

**Steve:** What? It’s the truth. I don’t want her hanging out with the druids that made her into something that she didn’t want to be. 

**Ned:** Well, to be fair, that’s the side of the story that you want to believe. 

**Steve:** It’s the only side of the story that matters, as far as I’m concerned. 

**Bruce:** Well, obviously, that isn’t true for Violet. I think it’s safe to say that part of the reason she’s angry with you is because you didn’t want her to come to her own conclusion, by hearing all sides. 

**Steve:** Well… maybe not. But I’m her brother. I just want to protect her. Can’t I have the chance to say that, at least? 

**Peter:** Well, actually, before we went off on this tangent, I was going to say to  _ all _ of you that, as you’re all kind of recovering from the not-so-difficult battle that you just finished having, there’s rustling in the leaves of the trees closest to the road, and after a second, Violet swings down from them. And she examines what remains of the phase spiders, which isn’t really anything at all, and then she sighs, and looks at you, Gray. 

> **Violet:** I thought you were in trouble. 
> 
> **Gray:** There were only three of them. 

**Peter:** She rolls her eyes, and walks over to you, and kind of examines the injury you sustained, from the spider that bit you, and she says, 

> **Violet:** You’re poisoned. 
> 
> **Gray:** Only a little bit. I’ll be all right. 

**Peter:** Violet shakes her head, and turns to the rest of you. 

> **Violet:** Get my idiot brother back to camp so that they can heal him before the poison inserts itself into his bloodstream. 
> 
> **Gray:** Wait, wait! You can come with us. 

**Peter:** She glances at you, and makes a face, and says, 

> **Violet:** Not yet. I’m… I still need time, all right? 
> 
> **Gray:** Fine. But… don’t stay away forever, okay? Wakefields, ‘til the end, right? 

**Peter:** She doesn’t respond to that, and instead shifts into a bird and flies off. 

[Steve sighing] 

**Peter:** You fucked up the last conversation you had with her, Cap. I can’t just let it be fixed magically the next time you see her. That’s not how it works. 

**Steve:** Well, I get that, but could I at least have a chance to fix it? 

**Tony:** [suddenly, shouting] Hey! 

**Peter:** Yikes.  _ What?  _

**Tony:** Annis knows! About me! Right? 

**Ned:** What makes you think that? 

**Tony:** I just remembered, like, the first time we met her, and she was kind of weird towards me, like she knew something I didn’t. That thing has to be this, right? 

**Bruce:** Uhm…?

**Tony:** Maybe we just talk to her. 

**Steve:** That seems like the smart choice. 

**Tony:** Okay. Peter, can we do that? 

**Peter:** Talk to Annis? Yeah. 

**Tony:** Okay, then we want to do that next. 

**Peter:** All right. Uh, with the phase spider fight behind you, as well as Violet’s brief visit, the five of you continue on towards the Legionnaires’ camp. When you arrive, it is mostly quiet; obviously, they’ve finished eating dinner already, and are settled down for the night. Ben emerges from Annis’s tent when you start in that direction, and he examines all of you for a moment, but doesn’t say anything. 

You enter the tent, and Annis glances up from the map that she’s studying and looks at all of you for a moment, before she sighs, and says, 

> **Annis:** I suppose it’s safe to say that you all had a busy day? 
> 
> **Jak:** Yeah, you could call it that. 
> 
> **Stony:** Did you know that I’m the bastard of the dead king?

**Peter:** Uh, she doesn’t respond at first, and instead kind of turns her attention towards Garrick. And she says, 

> **Annis:** What made you decide to tell him? 

**Peter:** And Garrick glances down at the ground before responding. He says, 

> **Garrick:** Jacqueline isn’t at the castle. Apparently, no one knows where she’s gone, which means, as far as I’m concerned, she isn’t first choice, anymore. 

**Peter:** Annis makes a face, and tilts her head in Stony’s direction, and says, 

> **Annis:** And so he is? 
> 
> **Stony:** First choice for what? I’m right here, talk to me like I am! 

**Peter:** Garrick looks at you, and says, 

> **Garrick:** I don’t think you’re going to want to hear this, but… considering the circumstances, I don’t really know how much time we’ll have to deal with it later on, so -
> 
> **Stony:** Well, a shit ton I didn’t know has already come out. Might as well keep going while you’ve still got me here, right?
> 
> **Pentan:** [inhaling sharply] Oh, you must be joking! 
> 
> **Stony:** No, don’t do that. Don’t guess what’s going on before they say anything out loud. 
> 
> **Jak:** Oh, come on! You’re not stupid enough not to have some idea. 
> 
> **Gray:** [muttering] Honestly. 
> 
> **Stony:** No, I  _ have _ an idea, but I want to hear them say it out loud, so that I can laugh at how stupid an idea it is. 
> 
> **Garrick:** Stony -
> 
> **Stony:** No, no, no! It’s a  _ stupid _ idea. 
> 
> **Garrick:** Well, if Gideon isn’t actually my full brother, and therefore has no right to the throne, then it’s the only idea I’ve got! 
> 
> **Stony:** Why don’t you sit  _ your  _ skinny ass where it belongs? 
> 
> **Garrick:** Because  _ my _ skinny ass is just as unfit for the throne as Gideon’s, just in a different way, meaning  _ your _ ass is the only one that can sit that throne, and maybe not deserve to be there, but at least make more sense than mine or the other one. 
> 
> **Stony:** What do you  _ mean? _ I’m a bastard. 
> 
> **Garrick:** But at least you have some royal blood in you. 
> 
> **Stony:** You’re  _ solid _ royal blood. 
> 
> **Garrick:** But I don’t want to be king. 
> 
> **Stony:** And you think I do? I found out maybe an hour ago that the asshole I thought was my father  _ wasn’t _ , and that he was an asshole because he wasn’t my father in the first place. You think I might have grown up easier, knowing that there was a reason for why he didn’t like me, rather than just thinking it was because I wasn’t good enough, my whole life? 
> 
> **Garrick:** Stony -
> 
> **Stony:** No, if - I don’t know why you think that I might be a better king than you, considering the way I was raised. Maybe my mother loved me better than yours loved you, and that’s unfortunate, but… that’s the only thing I had for so long, I decided it was the only thing I needed. What I grew up with is what I know, and what I know is how to be a performer. I’m not king, and I never will be, no matter what. So just… leave me out of whatever plan you have, okay? 

**Tony:** And I walk out of the tent. No, I  _ storm _ out of the tent. How’s that for flavor text? 

**Bruce:** It’s very good. Can Pentan follow him? 

**Peter:** Yes. Actually, I think Garrick starts to. 

**Bruce:** Okay, Pentan steps in front of him, and says, 

> **Pentan:** I think it might be better if you don’t. 

**Peter:** He studies you for a second, and then he sighs, but steps away again. 

**Bruce:** All right, Pentan goes. 

**Peter:** Okay. Before we do that, let’s finish what’s going on in this tent. Once both Pentan and Stony have left, Annis exhales heavily, and places her face in her hands. And you hear her say, 

> **Annis:** This was only ever going to end that way. 
> 
> **Jak:** Thankfully. Do we really want Stony Ark sitting on the throne of Adren? 
> 
> **Gray:** Logistically, no, of course not. 
> 
> **Jak:** So - 

**Peter:** Garrick huffs, and he says, 

> **Garrick:** It doesn’t matter what we want. It matters what’s best for the country, and leaving Gideon on the throne isn’t that. 
> 
> **Jak:** Why not? He’s been king for a while, now, and he hasn’t gotten us into a war or severe debt yet. 
> 
> **Garrick:** He rules under the guidance of our mother. What happens when she lets that power go to her head? Or when she dies? 
> 
> **Jak:** At least someone who understands - 
> 
> **Garrick:** _ Understands? _ My mother is the coldest, most power-hungry woman you would ever meet, Bennet. Whether or not she understands has nothing to do with how dangerous she is. 
> 
> **Gray:** Why did you let it get to this point in the first place? 
> 
> **Garrick:** When I left, it was with reassurances that my sister would be the one to take the throne. She didn’t, which means I have to fix this mess. 
> 
> **Jak:** Any reason you didn’t fix the mess when you first realized that your brother had taken the throne instead? 
> 
> **Garrick:** I wasn’t part of a D&D campaign, then. 

[Ned sickering] 

**Peter:** [trying to remain in character, but failing due to laughter] I guess. 

**Steve:** That does make sense in context. Why is he only just now trying to figure this out? 

**Tony:** It could be because he didn’t have any power to do so, before he came across me. Something like that could be dumb luck, if it wasn’t part of the campaign. 

**Bruce:** That’s true. If he really didn’t want to be king, then he really had no way of dealing with Gideon, before finding you. Perhaps he was considering helping his sister, but then he came across Stony, first. 

**Tony:** Right. So leave him alone. 

**Steve:** All right, fine. 

**Ned:** Fine. Jak says, 

> **Jak:** What do you suggest we do, then? 
> 
> **Garrick:** Unless anyone has any idea of how to find my sister, Stony’s the only chance of displacing Gideon, to ensure that my mother doesn’t dig her claws any further into the future of the country. 
> 
> **Gray:** Well, good luck trying to convince him. He doesn’t seem very willing. 
> 
> **Garrick:** Yeah, well, maybe that’s where the wizard comes in. 

**Peter:** And let’s jump to said wizard and Stony. 

**Tony:** I don’t think I stormed out of camp, since it’s getting dark and everything? 

**Peter:** Right. 

**Tony:** So I probably just… I dunno, found an empty tent maybe, to hide out in. 

**Peter:** Okay. And Pentan, you followed him to that tent? 

**Bruce:** Yep. 

**Peter:** All right. So, you step into this tent, after Stony. It’s dark inside, obviously, but you, Pentan, can see. Stony, you can’t, really? 

**Tony:** That’s all right. Could I cast Light, on something?

**Peter:** Yeah, sure. Let’s say there’s, like, a cot or something, that you could touch. 

**Tony:** Okay, then that’s what I do. I know that Pentan’s in the tent with me, right? 

**Peter:** Yes. 

**Tony:** ‘kay. 

**Peter:** [amused] So, you cast Light on that cot, and now you can see. Congratulations. 

**Tony:** Thanks. And I guess I turn towards Pentan, and say, 

> **Stony:** Is Garrick crazy, or is it me? 
> 
> **Pentan:** What do you mean? 
> 
> **Stony:** I mean… why would he even think I’d want to be a king? 
> 
> **Pentan:** He knows that you don’t want to be king. The problem, I think, lies in the fact that he doesn’t want the current king to be king. 
> 
> **Stony:** Well, he can deal with that on his own. 
> 
> **Pentan:** I think the fact of the matter is that he can’t. 
> 
> **Stony:** What do you mean? He’s a pure blooded royal who cares more about the future of the country than I do. It’s his problem. 
> 
> **Pentan:** If it was a problem he could solve on his own, don’t you think he would’ve done it by now? 
> 
> [Pause] 
> 
> **Pentan:** Stony, Garrick needs your help. I know that you really have no reason to help him, but… you were going to try and help him figure out who wanted him dead, right?
> 
> **Stony:** I don’t think that was nearly as big a deal as this. 
> 
> **Pentan:** No, maybe not. But maybe this is an issue that you’re better equipped to help him with.
> 
> **Stony:** But - 
> 
> **Pentan:** I know you don’t want to be king, and maybe you won’t have to be. Maybe this’ll just be as long as we need to find your sister, get her on the throne instead. And I know you don’t really feel like you need to do anything for these people, but… I honestly do think that once you’ve found a family, you shouldn’t let them go for anything. 
> 
> **Stony:** Maybe I don’t want to be part of their fucked up family. 
> 
> **Pentan:** To be fair, it can’t always be fucked up. Could be you just caught them at a bad time. 

[Steve laughing]

**Ned:** [laughing] Hell of a bad time! 

**Bruce:** Can’t say there’d be one worse! 

**Tony:** [shouting] It Gets Worse! 

**Peter:** [quietly] Jesus. I’m not doing this anymore tonight. The session’s over. 

**Tony:** No, c’mon. We’re doing things!

**Peter:** I know, but I - that fight was really disappointing, and I need time to nurse my wounds and realize that everyone is too strong, now, for the monsters that I want to give you to make sure that you don’t end up dying in a fight. 

**Ned:** You have a date with Cheri tonight, don’t lie to them. 

**Peter:** Well, yeah, that’s also true, but so’s the thing I said. 

**Tony:** Tell Cheri that I really didn’t need her to get me a thank you card. 

**Peter:** She gave you a thank you card? 

**Tony:** Yes, which is something I did not need, and I want you to share this fact with her. Now, go on, get. We’ll do better next time. 

**Peter:** How can we, when It Gets Worse? 

[Everyone yelling ‘It Gets Worse’ at different times]

**Peter:** [amused] I hate you all. 

~ END OF TRANSMISSION - LOGGED MARCH 31st ~


End file.
